Podmaxxing - RTB Ep. 11

Podmaxxing with the boys! We're back for another week! New episodes of every Monday!

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:05

Oh, here we are. Oh, I've already opened the bun. Sorry. What I'll open it.

SPEAKER_03 0:11

Dude, fucking calm down, dude. Dude, why didn't you let you open your beer? Calm down, I just told you, bro. You just don't leave me have one crack, bro. Fucking out of here, dude. I just cracked my beer without you, bro. He's pissed off now. Oh, dude. It's fucked up. First, you don't let me tuck you in. Then you I can't crack beers with you, dude. Dude, I got something you can call now. Come on now. Come on now. Come on now. Let's get excited.

SPEAKER_00 0:34

We almost had the date right. Get excited.

SPEAKER_03 0:36

You know, I noticed that too. About every every single time we record, we never have the date right. Never dude. We never have the date right. We're just actually living in the future actually.

SPEAKER_00 0:44

Way ahead of time travel. Time travel. Way ahead of our time. Yeah. You know what makes me believe in time travel a little bit? Have you seen how Icelandic words are actually spelled out? Yeah. It looks like someone time traveled with an iPhone and they spilled water on their iPhone. And then that they just base their language off of that.

SPEAKER_03 1:04

What's the Iceland um? What's the dating app in Iceland? Oh, I we already did them the last one. Nah, it was a holiday. I want to know.

SPEAKER_00 1:11

Sift dispel spinger or something like that. Sounds like an STD, bro. Dude, I think I put it in the group. It's so fucking long, and there's just like so many consonants next to each other. And you're like, someone definitely that's like you spill water on the on the on the screen. Yeah, on the screen, and then like you're just next thing you know, like you're just sending slurs to your mom. Oh fuck, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:33

I thought it was for cousins. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:35

Dude, sending slurs to your mom. I used to in high school I used to text my mom. Uh I just ship my pants. Hell yeah. I remember that. Yeah. I did it all the time. She believed it every time. I'm on 45 right now. I'm stuck in step because I got to shit my pants. I have a group of people surrounding my phone watching. She would always pass, too. She'd be like, Where what? Are you okay? Where are you? I'd wake her up in the middle of the night. And her boyfriend, now husband at the time, would be like, he's fucking with you.

SPEAKER_04 1:58

Go. He's fucking.

SPEAKER_03 1:59

Come on, dude. Do you have staff, bro? I feel like the last three times you're here, you have like some kind of clear band-aid on your elbow. Let me see.

SPEAKER_02 2:06

Oh.

SPEAKER_03 2:07

How long has that been there?

unknown 2:09

Keep reopening the same cut.

SPEAKER_03 2:10

How long has that been there just cracking the elbows on people or what? Pop a roach over here. More or less.

SPEAKER_00 2:15

No, honestly, it's probably it's like anytime I do wear the gi, even if I just wear it once a week, it'll just fucking reopen the same scab. Really?

SPEAKER_03 2:22

Yeah. I cut the fuck out of my finger. Or I didn't cut it that bad. I was bartending it the other day and I tried to catch like a piece of I tried to catch like one of the pills in their glasses before it broke. And it bobbled for like five seconds. And I finally grabbed it, and as I grabbed it, it slipped out of my hand, shattered, and like the glass like nicked like my finger open. And it bled for like 15, 20 minutes. Like by the nail. But there was a part of me that like wanted to, I was like hoping it didn't stop bleeding. So I was like, can I just go home? Like can I just like get the fuck out of here? It just won't stop bleeding. I'm bleeding too much.

SPEAKER_01 2:50

I have to I have to leave.

SPEAKER_03 2:52

Yeah, I gotta get out of that time. Dude, I gotta get out of here, bro. I'm leaking, bro. Full moon right now. No sir. I'm synced up with the moon, dog. I gotta get the fuck out of here. I'm leaking all over the place. Oh my god. Did he that's two times? That's two weeks in a row. You try to do an open mic and you just fucking absolutely bombed. Dude. Just blue balled. Come on, man. They keep icing the kicker. What's up with that, dude? Where are you going? Are you going to like a packed house? Or a black comedy club, maybe?

SPEAKER_00 3:21

Dude, you know what's I I called one of my friends. I told him that happened two times in a row. And uh, and he's like, he's like, dude, just put your name down as Jamie. Just put your name down as a female's name.

SPEAKER_03 3:30

Why don't you do that's what Jamie Foxx did? Really? Yeah, because that's not his real name. Jamie Foxx isn't his real name? No. It's a stage name. What the fuck is his real name? Let me guess. Let me guess his real name, dude. Is it like Jam Tartarius or something? What is his real name, dude? Jam Tartarius Foxworth. It's a very white last name. Jam Tartarius uh Foxworth. That's because of his ancestors. Anyway. Toby.

SPEAKER_00 3:57

It is random, though. They do actually just draw out a ball. They're letting people from the audience draw. So it is like, it's not like they're just picking names off of a list.

SPEAKER_03 4:03

Oh, okay. Yeah, because you're telling me like two weeks in a row, dude. You try to go up there and they're just like not fucking with you, dude.

SPEAKER_00 4:09

Third times of charm. There was one dude who like he got his name got pulled last week. I was like, God damn it. Uh and he was up there again. He actually was good though. He was not like a first timer. Really? He knew what the fuck he was doing. That's good. He was like 44.

SPEAKER_03 4:21

Dude, I'm afraid I'm gonna get up there and just start stuttering. And then uh uh very scared of that. Just watch me drop the mic and just get the fuck off stage. Like, I can't do this guy.

SPEAKER_00 4:33

But that's just like you can overcome that though. Whereas like there's one guy I saw go up there, this dude was perfectly articulate. Um, I promise it ties in. Did you guys ever see Forgetting Sarah Marshall? Yeah, I love the movie. Dude, the you're the nerdy ass guy who like can't fuck his wife. Yeah, yeah. I swear to God, this guy was doing comedy, super Christian, like shirt tucked in, like very just just dorky as hell, and perfectly articulate up there. Zero punch lines, not a single punch line, just talking about how he's Christian the whole time. Really? He was just doing a sermon? But like he wasn't like preaching, but he was just like talking about how he's like not like other Christians. Like, dude, you're just like you're just you're making him look like dorks up there. That's the stupid thing. I wanted the I I almost gave him a wedgie. Like I almost met him outside the parking lot. It's your only way you gotta get on stage if you bully this dude. Well, I wanted to it would have been really funny if like like if I had like I would have loved to just be the next guy who goes up and be like, dude, that guy's not Christian. We had so much blow, but back in the green room. That guy's the worst Christian I know. That guy fucks like crazy.

SPEAKER_03 5:35

Uh it's only a matter of time. He was perfectly articulate though, but like he was just like There's no punchlines? There it was no like he didn't get called on at work today, so he just has to go to after work, fucking stand up comedy, and just starts talking about how his day went, or what?

SPEAKER_00 5:48

This is like instead of saying Hail Mary's or some shit, he's like, nah, you just fucked up. You actually you gotta go up there and just look like a maybe it's a like a fantasy football punishment.

SPEAKER_03 5:57

The other guy keeps showing up. Looks like a straight goob.

SPEAKER_00 6:01

That was not what I expected because I saw him there last week, actually. He actually was there last week, but he looked dead serious, like dead fucking serious. But then once he got out there, he turned into that guy from forgetting Sarah Marshall.

SPEAKER_03 6:11

Dude, that's the same guy in the movie where he was like, uh he's like, God didn't put this like he says something about like the asshole like being too quick. He's like, God didn't want us to beat on their leg or something like that.

SPEAKER_00 6:22

He's putting a sewage system next to a next to a fucking playground or something like that. God wouldn't yeah. Uh same guy from uh from Ricky Bobby who's like, the good news is we're all friends. That same guy. Did I love Forgetting Sir Marshall? It's so good.

SPEAKER_03 6:38

That was a great one. I do like watching that. Yeah, this bad Christian guy. It sounds like Kanye is up there just like preaching, but speaking of Kanye, Kanye's fucking back, dude. Kanye's back, bro. Yo, Unk still has it. That's my goat right there, dog. Yeah. I'm at work, like I'm like, I'm trying to get him to like a billion streams in like the first week, dude. I'm like telling everybody, like gun to their head, like, hey, put on bully right now. Put on bully right now. You're bullying people into listening to bullies. Dude, it's the fucking it's such a good album. It's such a good album, dude. Yeah, and you know, you know how like Kanye, like he'll drop in and uh like your first listen, you're like, what is this? This is kind of crazy. Yeah, but then like by the fifth listen, you're like, nobody else in the world could make this. Yeah, yeah, every time. Every single time Kanye drops a new album, I was like, yo, nobody else can make this shit. Yeah, dude, shout out to him. He's like uh one of the only rappers, 40 plus, that's been doing it for 20 plus years and still. But he's still got it good. Like he's still very, very good. Usually by this time in a rapper's career, it fucking sucks so bad. What is this like his 15th album or some shit? I don't even know.

SPEAKER_00 7:40

He was never like a gangster rapper, though. Because like obviously, like Jay-Z, that was kind of like what got him big, and you can't he kind of pivoted a little bit, like he got into like, all right, I'm a baller, like I'm a fucking mastermind, I'm a business mastermind or whatever the fuck. Jay Z is a fucking idiot, bro. I don't think Jay-Z's smart at all. I'm saying, but like that was like I'm a mogul. That was kind of the persona he was going after because you can't be like 50 talking about uh like all right, only talking about the kitchens that used to cook in when you're like in the 90s.

SPEAKER_03 8:06

Like it's only Pusha T that can do that shit at 50, bro. Pusha T is Pusha T actually did the shit that Jay-Z rapped about. I will I will put money on that. I don't think I don't think Jay-Z sold coupons on the low. I don't think he was pushing like anything. I don't think he was pushing anything, bro. I think he was gassing everybody out.

SPEAKER_01 8:24

Uh I think he was pushing Beyonce's sister in an elevator one time.

SPEAKER_03 8:28

But that's old news. You think he tapped both? You think he tapped both of those? Bro, Jay-Z definitely.

SPEAKER_01 8:36

He might have like tapped them both in the head with like a pistol or something.

SPEAKER_03 8:39

I don't think he no Jay-Z. I don't think I think Jay. I have a hard time believing that Beyonce lets Jay-Z fuck still. Dude, yeah, you look like that.

SPEAKER_01 8:47

Their kids look exactly like Jay-Z.

SPEAKER_03 8:49

Yeah, but those are strong jeans, dog. Yeah. Jay-Z is an ugly motherfucker, though. That is an ugly motherfucker. He looks like Troy Aikman, though, to be honest. He does look like Troy Aikman. Jay-Z? Have you seen the fuck Google Jay-Z Troy Aikman? Like, is that recording? Donovan, pull it up. Bro, Don. Don, Jay. Jamie, pull it up. Don Jr. Jay-Z Troy.

SPEAKER_00 9:12

You actually. That's the best thing. You're gonna love this. Holy shit. Yeah, they look very good. There's a better one. There's a better one.

SPEAKER_04 9:27

The main one? He does look like Troy Aikman, bro. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 9:33

Yo, you need you need Jay-Z in a Dallas outfit just slinging a rock, dog.

SPEAKER_00 9:39

You have Hoff, you have Hall of Fame, and then you have Hova.

SPEAKER_03 9:42

Hova Fame. Yeah. What's that? Hall of Fame, dog. Hova. Bro. Is Jay-Z Troy fucking Aikman dog?

SPEAKER_00 9:51

He's uh Dave Chappelle, Troy Aikman, like the white faced news reporter. He's been here the whole time. Greatest two sport athlete of all time. The greatest multifaceted. Beautiful.

SPEAKER_03 10:08

That's every South Park episode, didn't it? No, it was.

SPEAKER_00 10:12

No, no, no. It was like uh fuck, I don't even know where I'm going. There's an episode where like they they went into someone's like uh uh there's like a celebrity and they were trying to figure out what's going on with the celebrity, and they're like you find something that he's been playing, like he's been pretending to be like eight different celebrities. He's like, these are all my creations.

SPEAKER_03 10:32

This is every South Park episode, I feel like.

SPEAKER_01 10:34

The only thing that comes to mind is Randy Marsh being Lord.

SPEAKER_03 10:38

I feel like Randy Marsh always is playing a different character, especially I love the one with him on like the fucking bikes on the motorcycles.

SPEAKER_01 10:45

Oh gay, gay, gay. Yeah, that is a good episode. They had to explain to like the judge uh. Oh, but the difference between Fads. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 10:57

He's like, whoa, they're like, whoa, that kind of makes sense. He's like, this is making this is making insanely good sense right now. Sound park is great. I don't know why I stopped watching. Uh what's the last thought? I've seen besides the new season, I've seen literally every episode probably like five times over.

SPEAKER_01 11:15

So, and there's streaming platforms have to come out with some type of thing where you can just like pick a show and then just like a shuffle button.

SPEAKER_03 11:23

Yeah. Just like, I don't know, throw one on. Dude, fucking dude, we're always spitting fucking game out here, bro. Do we need to create our own streaming service?

SPEAKER_00 11:34

That actually the shuffle button is yeah, especially for a show like that where like it's not like you're not gonna shuffle like mad men or something.

SPEAKER_01 11:42

This isn't an original idea at all.

SPEAKER_00 11:44

I've seen this on Twitter about like the office or something.

SPEAKER_03 11:47

This is your idea, is your IP. Yeah, I made this all up. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:53

But uh, it would be cool for South Park specifically, just because I don't know which episode I want to watch, but I would willingly watch any of them.

SPEAKER_03 12:00

But I just can't pick any of the guys, Adult Swims, all the adult swim shows.

SPEAKER_01 12:04

Yeah, dude, if there was yeah, Adult Swim, just put on a website where every show they've ever made, I can just hit shuffle and we'll play random episodes. And what I should probably just get cable, I guess. That's kind of what that is. This cable's fun.

SPEAKER_02 12:18

I just did Comedy Central on direct TV.

SPEAKER_00 12:20

And this is a great segue to our next sponsor, dude. Sponsored by Dish. Blue dude. I thought you were gonna talk about Blue Chew, bro. Oh, what the fuck? Oh shit, damn, I'm fucking retarded, dude. But Blue Chew fucking did you see that? I fumbled that that segue is up. No, yeah, Bluetooth.

SPEAKER_01 12:37

Bluetooth commented on our fucking Bluetooth joke. What the fuck?

SPEAKER_03 12:40

Dude, that's right. Blue Chew hit us up, bro. No way. I was talking a fucking shit before we uh I was naked, I was about to get in the shower. I was wearing no clothes and uh He had to put a shirt on to call me. Uh I saw this funny shit.

SPEAKER_00 12:55

I was I was in the weeds at work, I'm not gonna lie. Right, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 12:57

We uh I was talking to shit earlier and like Casey like FaceTimes like the group chat, and I like answering it and he's like, bro, I'll just open up Twitter to see if my like shit got delivered. Or on TikTok to see if my shit got delivered, and Bluetooth commented on our stuff. They said, should we call Dwayne the Rock Johnson? But no, and the fucking also Dwayne the Cock Johnson, brothers blue shooting.

SPEAKER_01 13:16

Oh, Dwayne the Cock Johnson.

SPEAKER_03 13:18

Should we hit up Dwayne the Rock Johnson? Dude, it's so funny, dude. His last name also means Dick.

SPEAKER_01 13:22

Johnson. Johnson.

SPEAKER_03 13:23

Yeah. Are they referring to like his Where did that come up? He played he played uh Tombstone.

SPEAKER_01 13:30

Didn't he play professional ball or at least college ball? The Rock played.

SPEAKER_03 13:33

Yeah, he played for the Miami Hurricanes, right? Uh I don't remember. I don't remember. Yeah, I think he played for the Miami Hurricanes as like a defensive end. Correct. I don't think so, bro. No, I I'm I'm pretty sure. You might be right. You know ball. Casey usually knows ball, dude.

SPEAKER_01 13:50

I think he did. I think he did.

SPEAKER_03 13:52

I don't know, but Bluetooth did hit us up, bro. And they said they were gonna fucking send us some shit. We were talking about like what how do we convince them to sponsor us? I was like, bro, I'll just send them a video of me fucking. They'll know I need that shit, bro. Like 100%. It'd be like a it'd be like a vine. It'd be like the quickest video they ever had.

SPEAKER_01 14:06

Defensive lineman for the time for a national champion at the University of Miami.

SPEAKER_03 14:13

That doesn't fucking count.

SPEAKER_01 14:15

In 1991, uh Dwayne The Rock Johnson played college football as defensive lineman for the University of Miami Hurricanes, 1991 to 94, 1991 national championship. He was back up who played 39 games totaling 77 tackles and four and a quarter sacks.

SPEAKER_03 14:34

Well, you got 77? What's a fucking quarter of a sack? Three guys got on there? Oh, oh, okay. All right.

SPEAKER_01 14:41

I take my discredit back. He lost his starting spot to fucking Warren Sapp.

SPEAKER_03 14:46

Oh no, dude, that's a good that's an all-time great. Yeah, bro. Okay. If you're back up to Warren Sap, he's backing up for sixth quarter in middle school. So you tell me. If you're back up to Warren Sapp, like you're almost up there. You could he could have made it. If he would have gone to any other school, he would have made it.

SPEAKER_00 15:01

Dude, I just racking up quarter sacks until you have like you have like 10. You're just you're just getting like a like a calf.

SPEAKER_03 15:08

What a fucking dog shit O-line if you're getting quarter sacks, dude. Yeah, a quarter of a sack four guys on the ball. Your O-line let the entire defense through? You're letting fractions? You just giving up even if you did become a professional ball player and didn't get into acting, there's still a pipeline where he probably still would have started a bunch of movies with fucking Kevin Hart. Yeah, it's not him. I love all the jokes about how they talk about like, oh, Dwayne Johnson's here with his dick and Kevin Hart next to each other. Oh yeah. Those are good. Those are good. We were talking about Tiger Woods cheating last week and stuff like that.

SPEAKER_00 15:44

Like, I think.

SPEAKER_03 15:45

Alright, but like Kevin Hart gets a lot of shit for for being like, you know, he cheated on his wife a bunch of times.

SPEAKER_00 15:51

Did he? Yeah. But how like how mad can you he's doing as well as a five foot three black guy can do.

SPEAKER_03 15:59

Yeah, no, you don't. I think like if I'm five foot three, I'm 100% cheating as much as I can.

SPEAKER_01 16:05

You have to fuck anybody who wants to.

SPEAKER_00 16:07

I don't think I don't think there's like a race that scrutinizes height more than black women.

SPEAKER_03 16:12

Nah, you know what?

SPEAKER_00 16:13

The thing is too, is like you have to be fucking tall.

SPEAKER_03 16:16

A five foot three black dick is a six foot three white dick. Like for sure. That's the same. Like he's definitely like he's still like he's pushing game, dog. The math checks out. 100% because it's like that's Kevin, it's Kevin Hart, dog. He's definitely packing. He he has to be. There's no way you go up on stage with have confidence like that, but like you're just lacking in the bedroom, dog. He definitely that confidence comes from somewhere.

SPEAKER_00 16:42

I think big Big J Ogerson actually he they came up together, they're both from Philly, and he's like talking about like, yeah, he has a huge dick. Nah, what I tell you, dude. I think I think they've like ran like a train together, actually, which is hilarious. Like Big J Ogerson and Kevin Hart fucking with some hooks. Completely different demographic because he's like this this like punk fingerless glove chain wallet motherfucker. But he was on the Kings of Comedy Tour with like fucking Kevin Hart and like Steve Harvey. What the fuck?

SPEAKER_03 17:08

Yeah, this is school of rock ass gangbang, dude.

SPEAKER_00 17:11

Yeah, like like he was like on like a all it was like all black comics and like Big J Ogerson.

SPEAKER_03 17:17

Dude, Big J Ogerson's black, bro. It's because if you're running a fucking trade on somebody with Kevin Hart, I don't care what you look like, dude. You're black, bro. Like 100 bro, how many I'm never I'm not gonna ask this. Never mind. Where were you going with this, sir? It had to do with Dwayne's Johnson, bro. Oh, sorry. Yeah, I DBA guessed from Dwayne Johnson a little bit. I think Blue Chew's gonna sponsor us, bro. It's only a fucking matter of time before Blue Cheese.

SPEAKER_01 17:42

Dude, they kind of just like uh they threw us a little they threw us a little high five.

SPEAKER_03 17:47

They do us a meatball, but they could throw us a bone. Throw me a pill, dog. I'm trying to get I'm trying to get it up in the bedroom, bro. I'm trying to get on Kevin Hart's level. I'm not gonna lie, though, if I got the Bluetooth to sponsor me, I would become Tiger Woods or Kevin Hart. Like just shooting at an all-time high. Have either y'all tried them?

SPEAKER_00 18:06

Talk about the gas station boner pills. No, dude, just you know what?

SPEAKER_03 18:09

The amount of times I've asked ChatGPT, like, is there any supplement that would make me not come so fast? Like, you'd think I'll hop on Bluetooth, but I think it just makes you stay hard after you come. I don't know what Blue Chew does. That's right.

SPEAKER_00 18:20

This is a zombie dick.

SPEAKER_01 18:22

I think but I don't even know what Blue Chew is. I know it's like a dick pill, but yeah, I don't know what it's supposed to be. I don't know what it does for your dick.

SPEAKER_03 18:28

I just know Steve will do it talked about it for a long time. That's how I think that's who put me on the chew.

SPEAKER_01 18:34

Chew.

SPEAKER_03 18:34

Nah, bro. I chew. That's the new slang. Yeah, I chew.

SPEAKER_00 18:38

Maybe you I if they add actual, like if they make like it's a nicotine gum also while you're chewing it. Yeah. I feel like if you're on enough nicotine, then you'll probably last a little longer. Why not like it? So fucking buzzy, like I don't even feel like.

SPEAKER_03 18:52

First we get cigarettes, and then you get dip, and then you get vapes, and then you get nicotine pouches, and then now we're at caffeine pouches. Why don't we do caffeine, nicotine, boner pouches? Yeah. Just like a trifecta of everything. The holy trinity.

SPEAKER_01 19:13

Everything, yeah. And also, I don't know, find a way to put beer in it too.

SPEAKER_03 19:17

Party pouches? Yeah, party pouches.

SPEAKER_01 19:20

Well, dude, Vice Pouches. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 19:22

Uh what was that?

SPEAKER_01 19:23

Vice City.

SPEAKER_03 19:23

Vice City. I was gonna say the same thing.

unknown 19:25

What was that?

SPEAKER_03 19:26

Rude Boy? The Rudeboy Stout?

SPEAKER_00 19:28

Did I tell you about that? Rude Boy. They have a they have they unlock the fifth loco. It's uh it's like a stout beer, like a like a Guinness drop. It's like nine percent alcohol, but like it makes you hard also.

SPEAKER_03 19:44

I need that, bro.

SPEAKER_00 19:46

It's called Rude Boy, and it's got like a big fucking weed leaf on it.

SPEAKER_03 19:50

Oh, dude. Usually when I drink nine percent alcohol, I just become hard uh to get along with. It depends on who you ask. I need a fucking rude boy right now, bro. I need I need a rude boy right the fuck out. It says rude boy, go to strong. Do you get him here? I can go to Jamaican guy.

SPEAKER_00 20:07

I don't think so. I think they have him in Honduras.

SPEAKER_03 20:09

Oh, dude. Next time I'll go to Honduras, dog, I'm fucking up rude boys. I'm gonna be the rudest boy you ever met.

SPEAKER_00 20:14

I'm like, that's like one, like if you see a dude, you're like, You drinking a rude boy around my wife right now? Yeah. That's what's wrong with you, man. Break the fuck up. It's 2 p.m. Just gives you an action.

SPEAKER_01 20:25

Like catch your your wife cheating on you, like, oh no, he's just a colleague rough for drinks. There's a fucking rude boy on the table, bitch. What are you talking about? That guy's a boner.

SPEAKER_03 20:34

Yeah, just imagine like that's like the equivalent. That's the that's the male angel shot. Like you go out to Twin Peaks, you're like, yo, can I get a rude boy actually? Trying to fucking bag this shit to the rude boy.

SPEAKER_01 20:46

Six ounce fillet, mashed potatoes, and uh rude boy.

SPEAKER_00 20:51

What if it is actually like a delicious stout beer? You're like, yeah. I'll be honest.

SPEAKER_03 20:56

I do like the flavor. I just like the flavor, okay? Yeah, fucking right. She's gonna love this flavor too, baby.

SPEAKER_01 21:01

Yeah, stout beer, stout cock.

SPEAKER_00 21:04

Short and stocky. I've they figured they figured out the fifth loco. They unlocked it.

SPEAKER_01 21:09

The fifth loco? Nine percent.

SPEAKER_00 21:11

You're talking about sixth loco. Because it's gonna fucking be six loco.

SPEAKER_01 21:14

How many Mexican guys can we get? Just kidding.

SPEAKER_03 21:19

We can get as many as we want. All you need is a four-door card. You can get all of them. You can get every Mexican you ever met, you ever ran across, you can fit them all into the circus club. That's my favorite recurring. Every single time I'm at work and like a like a 20 top of Mexicans come in. I'm like, yo, they just pulled up in one Honda Civic. And everyone always laughs. It's always the best joke, dude. That's a great joke. Yeah. Yeah, 20 Mexicans, dude. No tip for you, bro. That's coming.

SPEAKER_01 21:50

Coming from Brownsville.

SPEAKER_03 21:58

Casey was fucked up at work today. Yeah. No, I wasn't. Some of my co-workers might say this. No, I wasn't. And also I actually won't case he was drunk as fuck at work today. He faced out me two times today while he was at work, which is two more times than he's ever faced. It's not another he was just plastered.

SPEAKER_00 22:19

He was just like was fumbled the phone or something like that.

SPEAKER_03 22:25

Well I got on this actually actually uh it was actually really fun. It was the funnest thing I've ever done at work. There was like this giant boom lift that could lift me up to the ceiling, and you can like turn the basket sideways and go up, you can jump out. You can do whatever you wanted, whichever direction you wanted to go. And they I had no experience uh prior at all. And they just said like, yeah, if you think you can do it, like the other guy was scared of heights, so I was like, I'll do it. And so I did it. And I I don't know, it was it was very fun. You told me you were scared when you called me. I was scared, yeah, because it was I had it all the way stretched out, and I was up high, so it was like wobbling wind. Yeah, and I got a little spooked. But kind of that. What kind of boom lift? We talking to Genie, we're talking to J L G. Oh, here we go. I've never seen this brand before. It was blue and like uh Blue Chew? White Blue Chew Boom Lift your dick. Up I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 23:20

Probably Genie. I don't know. Yeah, boom lift. I think Boom Lift guy.

SPEAKER_03 23:25

Dude, I fucking there's tons of big part of me that wishes I could just fuck around on lifts all day.

SPEAKER_01 23:31

Dude, literally, I'm thinking about a career change. I want to be like an operator now where I get to like it had a joystick.

SPEAKER_03 23:37

Uh no, it's like a video. And dude, it literally like I'm a sucker for like little levers. It had like the little like metal levers where you're like all day. It's like the claw machine all day, going up and down. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, it was a fucking blast. Trying to get a new fucking job, dude. I graduated in December, and I'm talking about nobody's fucking hiring right now. You don't want to get into plumbing. I think you do, though. I would be the best drug dealer. I'm actually. You'd be high on your own supply. Yeah, that's what I was just about to say. I'd probably be the worst drug dealer. Depending on what I had.

SPEAKER_00 24:09

No, I said you wouldn't.

SPEAKER_03 24:10

No, I think I would.

SPEAKER_00 24:11

You think you would?

SPEAKER_03 24:12

You'd be like, uh Dude, if I had like uh if if I was like a drug dealer and I went to go, did you just bust your shit in the face, dog? Yeah, if I was like a drug dealer, bro, and I uh like went to go pick up like I don't know how it works, dude. What do they pick up like a couple ounces to like to like dish out? You already failed. If I saw that much weed, weed? I mean, I don't know how is it fucking weed? What am I buying? What am I selling? Uh you want like a K pack of pills? Oh dude, I can't fuck with pills unless it's blue check. Oh dude, that's your best question.

SPEAKER_00 24:46

You're not gonna you're not gonna replace your income, like, unless you get into some hard shit. Yeah, you're gonna start selling pills. Oh, no, rocks.

SPEAKER_03 24:53

Dude, if I fucking if I get into the into the drug game, I'm going balls deep, dude. I'm going all the way in. I'm selling whatever you need.

SPEAKER_00 24:59

That's what I'm saying. Like, like, see, if you if you become a weed dealer, yeah, you're gonna end up smoking your own. And if you were just some insanely like a crazy hard drug like crystal meth, you're probably not gonna become a crystal meth guy.

SPEAKER_03 25:09

Only freaking Pineapple Express.

SPEAKER_04 25:11

You told me I had fucking Xanax, man. What the fuck?

SPEAKER_03 25:14

Fucking lingerer.

SPEAKER_04 25:16

Fucking linger, dude.

SPEAKER_03 25:18

I was watching a clip. My favorite, my favorite uh clip from fucking Pineapple Express is whenever they're like in the car together and like the battery's dead. And he's like, he's trying to start the car and he's like, the battery's dead. And he's like, wait, what do you mean? He's like, how do I explain this to you in any other way? The battery ceases to exist. And he's like, wait, what time is it? He like looks at his watch, he's like, it's three.

SPEAKER_04 25:39

He goes, It's fucking three o'clock. He's like, Oh my gosh, we slept for like 18 hours.

SPEAKER_01 25:45

My favorite part of the movie is when they go to fucking Red's house.

SPEAKER_03 25:50

It's my fucking cat's birthday. Yeah, he's a little fucker. He could have gone to hell. He's like, they open the door, he's like, has that big ass fucking yoga ball? He's like trying to get a motherfucking scholarship.

SPEAKER_04 26:03

Like he's making that shit. He fucking fucking shot me in the fucking stomach.

SPEAKER_03 26:10

Anything Danny McBride touches turns to fucking gold, bro. Anything Danny McBride touches turns to fucking gold. You said you have never seen Eastbound and Down? Oh, you haven't seen it? I didn't I didn't finish it though. Oh, yeah, bro. Eastbound and Down is so fucking good. It's like a little lull, but it it picks back up. It's so good, bro. And that Vice Vice Principles is so good.

SPEAKER_00 26:29

I wish it was more seasoned. Yeah, that's probably one of those. There's only three, right? It's two only two seasons. Him and Walton Goggin is together. Walton Goggin's also. I fucking love it. Bro, that's the best.

SPEAKER_01 26:38

Walton Goggins is dude. Him and uh the White Lotus was actually really cool, too.

SPEAKER_03 26:41

Yeah, isn't that that fucking gay white girl show, bro? You watch White Lotus? White Lotus Cabra, I'll watch White Lotus too. White Lotus is awesome. I was gonna I just wanted to see where you guys stood on this. I'll watch White Lotus too, bro. I watched White Lotus like a motherfucker. They just released the kitty, right? Season one, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the last season I watched. Oh, dude, that's like the worst season. Really? Yeah. Every season.

SPEAKER_01 27:04

No, no, no. That was a different cast every two. It's pretty heavy shoulders above most shows. Yeah. Uh the latest season was Bangkok. Yeah. Yeah. That one is that's the Walt Goggins one. That one's really good. The season before that actually uh Well, Walt Goggins wasn't even in the first season.

SPEAKER_03 27:20

No, it's different, completely different cast every time, completely different vacation every time. Completely different storyline. I just snitched on myself. The second season, um where do they go?

SPEAKER_01 27:31

They go to like Italy or Italy. It has a I forget his real name, Michael Rappioli or Christopher Maltesante from Sopranos.

SPEAKER_03 27:40

Yeah, it has him and uh some other fucking people. Yeah, Aubrey Plaza. Oh, Aubrey Plaza, and then that handsome guy from the Cologne advertisements. Theo James. Is that him? Yeah, I'm I'm besides from just knowing that. Yeah. He's done a few good movies, though. No, but that's you dropped his name so fucking fast after ever season. Yeah, Theo James. Theo James? He's on my Theo James. My guy. The Cologne has Theo James?

SPEAKER_01 28:03

Sounds awesome.

SPEAKER_03 28:03

If you haven't seen that one, watch that one. Nah, I watched the first season of White Lotus. That was the only thing I had ever seen with Sidney Sweeney in it, and I was like, yo, she's a dog shit actress. Absolutely. I couldn't tell, dude. The movie with Kenzie, she was bad. She's not a good actress. Didn't she play like a fucking superhero in some movie? No, it's a lady that looks like her. She's um it's the Wonder Woman movie.

SPEAKER_01 28:24

It looks just like her, but it's not her.

SPEAKER_03 28:27

The Jewish girl?

SPEAKER_01 28:29

I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 28:33

Got me a beard. I'll get you a beard, dude. Get you a beer.

SPEAKER_00 28:36

Her role in season one of White Loy, all she had to do was just play a bitch. And like she kind of quite dude, it was fucking $9. Holy shit! That's outrageous.

SPEAKER_04 28:49

What the fuck are you getting coffee?

SPEAKER_00 28:50

I was like, how like who do we have to go to war with to bring these coffee prices?

SPEAKER_03 28:55

We're about to go to war with fucking burger. America's back, baby. America's fucking back. We're going to fucking war.

SPEAKER_00 29:03

I was I was at Sunday Press in the in the Manhattan Heights. And uh fucking $9 coffee, dude. You said the Manhattan Heights? Manhattan Heights. Okay, just making sure that's lower Manhattan Heights.

SPEAKER_03 29:14

Just making sure that's what you said, dude.

SPEAKER_01 29:16

I've been getting uh Venti iced Americano.

SPEAKER_03 29:20

It's just like four shots of espresso with water. That's a liberal iced drink, dude.

SPEAKER_01 29:25

It's only 15 calories and it's pretty much black coffee.

SPEAKER_03 29:27

That's a liberal drink, Doug. Absolutely not, because nobody drinks it. Americano? Americano? Do you know actually I you're American? No. No, so actually, dude.

SPEAKER_01 29:36

The Americano was created uh in one of the world wars when our troops, the American troops, were over there uh in Italy, I think it was somewhere. They were stationed somewhere in Italy, and the espresso was too strong for them, so they had to dilute it with water. So the Italians started calling it the Americano. So it's actually a super fucking American anti-lib drink. Really? Really? Dude, yeah, fucking Casey the history buff.

SPEAKER_03 30:01

US troops used to drink this. Casey the history buff over here, dude.

SPEAKER_01 30:04

Well, actually, it was the coolest thing. Kenzie asked me, like, why is it called that? And I kind of guessed and I was like, I don't know, probably like Italians making fun of Americans or something. I was right.

SPEAKER_03 30:12

It does seem kind of soft where they're like my tom tom pirates from this.

SPEAKER_02 30:19

I think they're just getting tweaked out. They're just getting wired, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 30:23

Just wired for the war. This doesn't fit well with the math. What is this kamikaze pilot shit you're giving me right here? You think we're Japs? Yeah, but I don't think I would ever drink that shit, actually. Is it just straight black coffee and just water? That's all it is.

SPEAKER_01 30:36

Uh four shots of espresso.

SPEAKER_03 30:37

Why don't you just get black coffee then? Because it's not the same as espresso. Espresso does taste better. Four shots of and it gives you uh it has more caffeine than uh just regular coffee, also. How much caffeine's in that bitch, Doug?

SPEAKER_01 30:50

If I know four shots.

SPEAKER_03 30:51

120. 120 millisy? Something like that, yeah. Yeah. That's like that's that's less than you could make that in your kitchen right now. I do, right? Do we have the weekends I make it at my house? But only 15 calories, dude. Like you don't have to like it's probably less than that, actually. They have to they have to kind of round up. Yeah. Because black coffee is uh like you got a learned zinner on your dick. You got a learned zinner, bro? What flavor do you? Dude, every single time y'all come over and we record and y'all like bring the zins, like there's a part of me that just fucking hopes that y'all forget them here. I'm just like, oh dude, I just I hope they leave their zins behind, bro. I'll protect them for you, bud.

SPEAKER_01 31:26

There's one time I left mine and took yours.

SPEAKER_03 31:29

Dude, okay, I'm so happy you brought that up because the rogues were in my pocket the next day.

SPEAKER_01 31:32

Oh dude.

SPEAKER_03 31:33

I I bought like a brand new pack and uh like y'all left the next day. I flipped this fucking room upside down looking for my rogues. I was like, where the fuck? I just bought a brand new pack. Where the fuck are they? I was like, yo, then one of my homies stained my fucking rogues off me. Rogues or shit. You just went home with the rogues, bro. I was stealing it from my friends. I literally held it out. You will be able to pull it down. I was in the middle of my rogue story. I was in the middle of my rogue story, dude. I was going rogue. Buddy, buddy. I was rogue once. Don't fucking raise your voice at me. Thank you. Thank you, buddy. Oh, I don't want to take your last two, bro. I'll just take both of them, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:09

I'll take actually, yeah. Outrageous. Uh it feels like the business card scene in fucking American Psycho. Every time we all pull up, you're like, what's you got today? Rogues up there, dude. They're fucking empty. They're empty and they're teasing, dude.

SPEAKER_03 32:25

Yes. Shit, dude.

SPEAKER_00 32:26

They're fucking teasing me.

SPEAKER_03 32:28

Sorry, bro. Rogues don't come with reward codes. I'm sorry, dude. The Call of Duty, like you scan these, you get like a free skin on Call of Duty, bro. Dude, you can get like a fucking Blackstone grill now. What's the uh whatever you want? That's for the Zins, right? There's like a Zen reward, like a Zen reward program. You buy enough Zins as well. Just change your fucking life. Yeah. Just Zen in a way, bro.

SPEAKER_01 32:48

Yeah. Oral cancer for a Blackstone grill or a neon sign or like a beanie.

SPEAKER_03 32:55

Or like a new import wife. A neon sign would be tough. A male order bride? You imagine you take enough Zins, you get a male order bride. That's kind of fucking sick, actually. What'd you get? That was a good idea. I got a tracker grill. I'm pretty sick, right? Would you get? A 19-year-old with a fatal ass from Thailand. White Russian.

SPEAKER_00 33:16

Got me a Zimbabwean queen. Zimbabwe. She's from Zimbabwe. Yeah, you can get anything you want. I got me this. I got me this Ukraine uh Ukrainian princess, but uh unfortunately on the way here, she got stabbed on a subway train. She was she was on the way to Hughes. I was checking the shipping and I was like, what what do you mean there's a delay?

SPEAKER_01 33:45

What do you mean problem in transfer?

SPEAKER_03 33:49

Fuck, did I got oral cancer for this bitch to die on the way here? I'm making calls, I'm making phone calls. It's a USPS. I'm like, where where the fuck? What happened? Dude, I tell you, like my grandma, uh oh, this is so that shit happened whenever I was like like still in school. And uh my grandma like one time like called me at like I'm talking like this was like a month after it happened. You know how old people are always like behind on like news and shit? Yeah, she's this is like a month after this shit happened. I was on the way to school, it was like 7 a.m. in the morning. She calls me. First of all, like the balls on you to think I'm awake at 7 a.m. And like to call my call your grandson at 7 o'clock in the fucking morning, and then trauma dump on me. She's like, What are you doing? And I'm like, I'm on the way to school right now. She's like, Alright, just wanted to call you and let you know you gotta be safe out there. I just saw this video of this white girl, she just got stabbed in the neck on the train. I'm like, yeah, grandmama, that was fucking two months ago. Where you been? She's like, Yeah, she's getting crazy out there, and then I saw another video of these people were driving on the wrong side of the highway, smashed into somebody, and like 12 people died. I was like, yo, it is fucking 7:15 in the morning. Dude, wait till she finds out about Charlie Kirk. She's gonna call me just bawling crying like someone got crucified.

SPEAKER_04 35:03

Oh, you can't believe what they did to this young man. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 35:08

Oh, dude. But my grandma could not find out about Charlie Kirk, dude. She fucking blows my phone up at fucking 6 a.m.

SPEAKER_01 35:15

Do you know who this Netanyahu is?

SPEAKER_03 35:18

They say he might have something to do with it. This guy, Netanyahu, saying that this country is two weeks away from having a bomb or something.

SPEAKER_00 35:26

I love his mail service. I love I use his mail service every day. I like, I love his news. I like I check his news. It's right there on my browser. I open my browser, I get Yahoo news. And now he they're saying he's doing the I don't know. He's a website, he's a man. I don't know. Dude, Yahoo is definitely times, baby.

SPEAKER_03 35:47

Foreshadowing, bro. Yahoo is just foreshadowing, dog is letting us know about the big neck coming through, dog. Big neck. What are you guys doing? You can probably gotta get it drafted soon, Casey. You're like 22, right?

SPEAKER_01 35:58

Oh uh, I'm 26.

SPEAKER_03 36:00

You're right at the cutoff.

SPEAKER_01 36:02

No, they upped it to fucking 42. 42, bro. That's what I'm saying, dog. Huey, you're fucked, bro.

SPEAKER_03 36:06

Because you're like a you're like a top dog, like Navy SEAL athlete, but you're like ripped and shit. You're gonna be on the front lines, dog. I'm colorblind, though. You're goy slop if I ever seen it. Goy slop.

SPEAKER_00 36:16

Dude, I I we need to add Casey to that group chat. It's especially Casey's lifting now, you know?

SPEAKER_01 36:22

But is it just you guys fucking text chain?

SPEAKER_03 36:25

Yeah, it's just me and Huey. No, it's not even a group chat, it's just two ways.

SPEAKER_00 36:29

It's like really, it's really like some of my friends from high school, and then Alex in there, and uh we were just talking about everyone's talking about the draft and like oh how are you gonna go out, whatever. And I just go in there and I just fucking went nuclear on everybody in the middle of my work day. I'm like, this is how you died, this is how you died, this is how you died, this is how you died. How'd you say gage died? Oh I said I said gage. Uh Gage gets shot in the ass and uh his hemorrhoids get infected and he just he just dies he dies on necrotizing fashion artists. I said uh I said Landon. Uh he's just he starts vaping and he gives away his position to a sniper because he's fucking got just fucking blown a nose, drop a fucking hypersonic on his ass. Yeah. Uh one of our guys fucking with Iranian prostitutes. I've seen him, well, not seen him. Oh, yeah. He's fucked multiple strippers. Raw dog. Really? Yeah, so what a life.

SPEAKER_01 37:24

It's actually quite the accomplishment. They usually say that they don't actually like you.

SPEAKER_03 37:28

I'd have to assume that if they fuck you, they might actually like you. That always charged me $900 and still don't fucking only only to be told that I still don't like you. Yeah. What the fuck, bitch? I was giving you my paycheck.

SPEAKER_00 37:38

He's getting syphilis or some kind of just crazy gonorrhea that blue shield blue waffle can't cover.

SPEAKER_04 37:44

Blue shield blue waffle.

SPEAKER_00 37:46

And uh I love that. I told I I was like, I was like, all of y'all die except for me, because my KD ratio is impeccable.

SPEAKER_03 37:54

Because you're Israeli.

SPEAKER_00 37:55

I've only shot it, I've shot at two animals in my life, killed them both. Okay. I've only shot a rifle twice in my life.

SPEAKER_03 38:01

Dude, I always forget you're like not American. You're like, I'm not American. You're like just like, yeah, I don't shoot guns, I don't vote, I don't like support any of the wars, I don't watch football. You're like the furthest thing from America, dude. You do Brazilian jujitsu.

SPEAKER_01 38:16

Yeah, dude, we gotta get you into watching football this year. Yeah, dog. For sure. You put on a jock strap, bro. Yeah, you gotta pick a team.

SPEAKER_03 38:21

The moment you put on a jock strap, you're like, holy fuck, I know what all the hype's about, dog. Freedom. Yeah. You need to join a high school baseball team, bro. That would be on brand at this point. The inside jokes we have going on. They've been watching. Mike Wiley knows what we're talking about, dude.

SPEAKER_00 38:41

Nah, I was like, uh, or I probably honestly, I'd I'd probably get hooked on heroin over there. I party a little bit.

SPEAKER_03 38:47

I just fucking Huey Hendrix, dog. Huey Hendrix, bro.

SPEAKER_00 38:51

I don't make it out alive either.

SPEAKER_01 38:53

Yeah, that's kind of the route I would go.

SPEAKER_03 38:55

Doing the fucking drugs over there?

SPEAKER_01 38:56

No, what the fuck is like what can you do?

SPEAKER_03 38:59

I would blend the fucking I could be Israeli, like whoever like corners me, I'm either Israeli or Arabic. Like 100%. You just code switch like crazy. Dude, I would code switch so hard in the war, dog. I would code switch so hard in the war.

unknown 39:10

They don't know what they're gonna cut.

SPEAKER_03 39:14

I would fucking get it. I would I would survive that shit. I would be Frank Castle. I 100% would be Frank Castle, dude. I would come back and just be like, have a vengeance for everybody, but I wouldn't pursue it. Because I would just be like war, it'd be like back in my day, like high school football stories, but it was just talking about the war. The more I talk about the more I hear people like high high school football stories, it's like the equivalent of like whenever my dad told me about all of his war stories. There's a part of me that's like, yo, I feel like you're fucking gas. You bought this blue-up license plate at a garage still somewhere. You did not do this shit on your own. Like he I feel like he's lying about all that shit.

SPEAKER_00 39:45

Dude, that still drives me on the wall. Like if we're talking about like the like the Don, like a Don's grandfather, like war stories. But like it made me think about, dude, when my own grandfather like did the same shit. Uh I remember I was like really proud. Like I ran like a I think I ran like a like a 4-7-9 in the 40. Like hell yeah. Like my like going into my senior year, and he was just like, I ran a 4-2. What the fuck, dude? He was like a fucking lineman. Fucking Usain Bolt? He was a fucking lineman in like 1960. I ran a 4-2? And he was just like, yeah, he's like, you need to get that down by half a second. I was like, shut the fuck up. 4-2. I was like, I couldn't, it ruined my whole like day. Like it was like you believe in too as a kid. No, I didn't believe in it all. I was like, I wasn't a kid anymore.

SPEAKER_03 40:32

Like, I was like going going into the- Oh, dude, my dad was gaslighting me in my early 20s, bro. I believed everything you said. But I do, dude, for the longest time I thought my dad was Floyd Mayweather. Like he was like telling me like he was 50 and oh in street fights. I was like, damn, dog, you need a fucking belt. 50 street fights? Bro, he was like, hit up Dana. What are you doing, bro? That's how he told me all this shit.

SPEAKER_00 40:47

That is plausible. Like, I'm I'm sure you've seen uh we all have different algorithms, but have you seen like the video of uh it's Sean Strickland, the gym that he trains at, and he fucking goes wild. It's one of his teammates. He's always just beating up nobody's Curtis something, and it was some fucking just big fat Mexican guy. Oh yeah, the mustache guy. Yeah, type of like like he's like one of those like wave pool Mexicans. And uh he comes in, he's like, Yeah, this guy says he's like 50, you know, street fights, never all knockouts, undefeated. And they put him in the octagon and like they they give him shin guards, they give him gloves, they give him like you know, they they strap him up like they actually do when they spar. And um it was another like middleweight, uh like a welterweight guy. His name's Curtis something, uh, who trains with uh he's like a top 15 fighter, you know. Um Curtis Curtis Blades? No, not Curtis Blades. Uh no, he's not he's not that big. He's like 170, 185. He's a career UFC guy.

SPEAKER_03 41:47

He's he's never I don't think he's ever gonna get a belt, but he's like top 15 fighter, right? He's been there. This guy hears this audio, he's gonna fucking lock in. He's gonna fucking lock in, though. Please don't come for me.

SPEAKER_00 41:56

Uh but um he's going very please don't come for me.

SPEAKER_01 42:05

That's exactly what I want to hear when I'm trying to come, dude. What the fuck?

SPEAKER_00 42:08

Yeah, it's the trigger. Holy money. Don't come, don't come. Oh fucking God, dude. Don't beat my ass. That is gonna come. He's he's in Sean Strickland's gym, dude. They fucking wild out of people. But he you see him going very soft, but he's landing everything on this man. Yeah, he's piecing him up so politely. Head kicks, fucking liver, everything. He's just doing like just piecing this guy up.

SPEAKER_03 42:30

Sean Strickland's black as fuck, dog.

SPEAKER_00 42:32

And uh and and and this oh it's not Sean Strickland. That's the thing. If it was Sean, he would have knocked him out. But this guy was actually being nice. And then he leaves, he gets his ass beat by by Curtis or whatever, and then uh um and then he starts talking shit. He's like, man, he's like, you hit weak as fuck, like that was nothing, like uh, like blah blah blah. He's just talking on his way out while he's taking the shit off. He keeps talking shit. And uh, and the dude, he's like, he's like, I was going light. I was going so light. Put your fucking gloves back on. Put your like put your shit back on, get back in the fucking ring. He's like, I will change your life. I will change your life. Does he do it?

SPEAKER_03 43:07

Does he help back in?

SPEAKER_00 43:08

No, dude, that guy wasn't that one's no he's still talking shit as he's walking out.

SPEAKER_04 43:11

Yeah, you're fucking right, dude. You hit like a bitch. Packing up all of his shit. We'll get the fuck out of here. You hit soft as fuck, dude.

SPEAKER_03 43:17

That's the that's the equivalent to hot rod. Whenever, yeah, y'all seen Hot Rod? You remember the part at the end where like she does that Tai Chi shit and like hits him in the stomach like five times shit his pants?

SPEAKER_04 43:26

He's like, Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_03 43:27

I didn't shit my pants.

SPEAKER_00 43:29

Anyway, I'm gonna go home. I got ice cream in the trunk of my car. I gotta go home.

SPEAKER_01 43:36

Dude, hot rod is a movie. We were talking about this earlier movie.

SPEAKER_03 43:39

Okay, Danny McBride's in that one too. Yeah, dude, anything Danny McBride touches just turns to absolute fucking gold, bro. The part in the movie where he's like talking about having that wild ass dream about all the witches and wizards want to have sex with them. Yeah, dude. He gives like the 10 high fives. The scene starts, he's a hater and fame and high five. Will Arnett too? Babe, wait.

SPEAKER_01 44:05

It's actually like me and my mom's like favorite movie to watch together.

SPEAKER_03 44:08

Dude, I fucking love most of our inside jokes is just hot rod. That's my favorite, like probably comfort film. It's like it's hot rod, dude. I just I I'll throw that. You know, I showed it to Kinsey was like, Oh, you're gonna love this. It's so funny. And she's like, Isn't that the worst feeling on the planet where you like try to show somebody a movie that you love and they're like, I don't get it, and you just want to strangle them? Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 44:29

You didn't watch it when you were fucking 13. I did, and it was funny then, it's funny now. Dude, it's still funny. It holds up, bro. The bloopers to that movie are so funny. What did you say? Uh you look shitty. It holds up so well, and his fucking little brother, the cool beans. Yeah, cool, cool beans, beans.

SPEAKER_03 44:46

Anytime like I ask someone a question, like if I'm trying to like, I don't do this, but like in my head, it's like you imagine like you ever trying to like pick up on a girl, like spit some game or some shit, and she's like, What? And you just like here he goes, uh I was asking um uh who would win in a fight between uh grilled cheese and a hard shell taco. She's like, uh street fight or a regulated fight, street fight. Uh the taco for sure. Wow, that's super racist, but correct. Yeah. What a fucking movie. Bro, fucking hard's the best, dude. Hard is the best. That's a fucking great movie. Gosh, that's so that makes you want to watch it tonight. I might.

SPEAKER_00 45:26

That wasn't an in-theaters movie, was it? That was like a comedy central movie.

SPEAKER_03 45:29

That's like a blockbuster, like Redbox movie, dude.

SPEAKER_00 45:32

So was uh so was um fucking Accepted 2. It was like another like just like direct to directed DVD. Maybe direct to is it was it direct to DVD back then? It was like a comedy central movie. They just debuted it like on Comedy Central.

SPEAKER_03 45:44

Yeah, I don't remember. I don't know. It was something like that. I was a youngin' back then, dog. There's some good movies. They used to make good comedy movies, they don't do it anymore. They don't do like I guess like is this thing on? Is like it, but it was more of like a like a dramedy. Yeah. I that's what I've heard. I I need to watch it. I want to do it. It's a good it's a good movie, but like it's Will Arnett, so I'm gonna watch it. Will Arnett, it's goodly Bradley Cooper was funnier than you know he directed that movie? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, he was funnier than Will Arnett in that movie. There's a part where like he's like uh like talking, he's like talking to them, and like they're at like some like little house like game night party or some shit, and they're all hanging out, and like Bradley Cooper's like holding the guy's dog, and uh Will Arnett's like, Why do you like why are you holding the dog? He's like, I'm holding the dog right now. And he's like, Yeah, he says the dog's name, I don't remember what the dog's name is. We'll just say his name's like Grizzly. And he's like, Yeah, you're holding Grizzly right now. And he's like, Oh shit. And he like turns around and talks to his wife, and she's like, How fucking high are you? And he was like, I'm so high right now. She's like, Why do you have the dog? He's like, I didn't even know I was holding the dog. That's the best. The movie's good. It's not I I was super, super excited for that movie, like whenever it was coming out, and I thought it was gonna be like a fucking blockbuster like comedy of the year type shit, but it was more of a dramedy. Yeah, it's good though. Yeah, but it's like one of those movies where it's like dramedies, man. You gotta wait for it to come out on streaming to watch it.

SPEAKER_01 47:09

Yeah, it's on Hulu now.

SPEAKER_03 47:10

Yeah, okay. Watch it if it's if I felt on streaming, like watching it. I did realize it came out that one. Yeah, it's on Hulu. It's been on Hulu for like a week, I think. Did we? My mom already watched it. When that movie came out, we uh I like looked around everywhere because it said that it was supposed to come out like December 19th or some shit. And we we looked around, I was like super excited to go watch it. And I looked up like Showtimes for it, and I looked, I looked up Showtimes, and it was like Showtime's for tonight. I clicked like tonight on it. And it was like 7 30 at this location. And we're like, oh bet, I didn't buy it. I didn't buy the tickets online, I was just gonna go there and buy them. And we pulled up. I drove like fucking 30 minutes to this place to go watch the thing, and they're like, no, those show times aren't until next week. And I was like, what the fuck are they teasing me for? Talking about it was for tonight. I was so pissed, bro. Project Hell Mary. Uh we saw it on a Friday night.

SPEAKER_01 47:56

I accidentally, I was at work, I bought the tickets for fucking Saturday. And we get there, we sit in our seats, and this uh this couple comes up to her, these are our seats. I'm like, dude, no, like these are ours. And then Kinzie's like, what day did you buy these fucking tickets for? I was like, what do you mean? She was like, look at it. It's a Saturday. I was like, oh so I was really nice. I got up and I went and I found them, and I was like, those are your seats. Like, I bought the wrong day, my bad. And then the manager hooked it up. I got to sit in the fucking handicap seats.

SPEAKER_03 48:28

Oh, yeah. The best seats in the house. They are the best seats in the house, which is bullshit, by the way. If you're a handicap, why the fuck would you get the best? That's where I go easily.

SPEAKER_00 48:36

Dude, I was like, what are the odds it's gonna be eight handicapped people?

SPEAKER_01 48:39

That's what the manager said. He was like, I'm gonna put you in the handicapped seats.

SPEAKER_03 48:42

You just gotta jump if somebody comes, which I doubt it, just like scoot over to the next ones because those are empty too. Better play on those acting skills. Somebody should let you like just watching the handicap. No, no, they didn't recharge me. They just let me stay in the same theater at the same time, just different seats, handicapped seats. That's sick, bro. Regal. Why the fuck do the handicapped people get the best seats in the house, dog? Somebody put me in the fucking head so I can watch a movie and like prime seat.

SPEAKER_01 49:08

Uh the best seats in the house are not for the handicapped people, it's for the regularly abled people that have to bring the handicapped people to the movies and like deal with that hassle. It's like, all right, why don't you like sit down really comfortably and just like chill for two hours? Because you're gonna have to get back up and change this guy's diapers soon.

SPEAKER_03 49:25

Like just chill for a little bit. I love you. Yeah, he just fucking did. This return to shit is fucking stuff, dude.

SPEAKER_02 49:36

The climax of the movies?

unknown 49:38

What?

SPEAKER_04 49:39

Oh shit, it's like, all right, dude.

SPEAKER_01 49:43

Not right now. Ryan Gospel was talking uh to his friend.

SPEAKER_04 49:48

I shit.

SPEAKER_01 49:52

I mean, you know, with the noises they make. I don't know if it's I don't know if this guy's paraplegic or retarded, but he shit his pants.

SPEAKER_03 49:59

He's just colorblind, it's just you just it's all gray.

SPEAKER_04 50:06

What color is that? It's all dude.

SPEAKER_03 50:09

Imagine being colorblind and going to watch fucking Interstellar and like Project Home Mary's the prettiest movie ever. But you're colorblind so you don't get to experience. I don't get the fucking big deal.

SPEAKER_04 50:19

What's the big deal? Everything's in fucking black and white. This movie fucking sucks, dude. Dude, how old were you when you realized you were colorblind?

SPEAKER_03 50:28

You just watched 1,500 movies before you're like, dude, can we get a different font in these movies? That's just fucking dull, dude.

SPEAKER_01 50:38

Watch a black and white movie. Finally, dude. Now I can see.

SPEAKER_00 50:43

I was like, dude, yeah, Nasferatu. Films didn't get better after that, honestly. Everything peaked.

SPEAKER_03 50:50

That's a really nice Hue of Grey. Big Citizen Kane fan. Wow. That's why his name's Huey. Huey of Gray. I like the shade of gray. It's different than the one I usually see.

SPEAKER_01 51:03

It's nice to switch it up a little bit.

SPEAKER_03 51:06

How do colorblind people would drive if like they can't see what color the light is? What do you mean that guy's black? He's fucking gray. You just trust the Lord.

unknown 51:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 51:16

That guy's gray, too. He's fucking floored, dude. Dude, Tiger Woods is colorblind. Tiger Woods just killed five people. He's about to win the Masters, dog. He's about to win the fucking Masters.

SPEAKER_00 51:29

Nature's finally healing, dude. We're at war again. Tiger Woods is getting.

SPEAKER_01 51:34

Well, I'll tell you what, why don't you why don't you guys try drinking like a fifth of Henny and then squinting your eyes and then drive around?

SPEAKER_03 51:40

He doesn't squint, that's just half Asian dog.

SPEAKER_01 51:42

Alright, do a half squint.

SPEAKER_03 51:44

Yeah, half squint.

SPEAKER_01 51:46

Also he's drunk enough to just have a permanent squint.

SPEAKER_03 51:49

I've never seen Tiger Woods' eyes fully open. I'll say that. Tiger Woods finally has a he has a keyless car, dude. He's finally got a keyless car.

SPEAKER_00 51:56

He could just have a chauffeur or a fucking like a Tesla or something. He's like, nah. Give me the keys to the range road.

SPEAKER_03 52:03

That's the thing, too. It's like he doesn't know he's fucking loaded. Do you know he's dating like one of Trump's daughters or something? No. He's dating someone in the Trump family, and they Secret Service banned Tiger Woods from driving anybody. I like this guy. Anybody. Anyone? Anyone in the Trump family, Tiger Woods is not allowed to drive. Specifically. Is this a true fact? His grandkids, I guess. Whichever one of his daughters he's married to. Trump's like, he can't drive my daughter around, and it's not because he has a bad record. Yeah. Make him golf great again.

SPEAKER_00 52:38

He's living life like a GTA character.

SPEAKER_01 52:40

Trump has a granddaughter. Her name is Kai Trump. She's like a golf influencer. And so I think that's what it is. He's not allowed to drive Trump kids around anymore. Which I don't know if he ever has. Fuck it.

SPEAKER_03 52:56

I don't have a granddaughter yet. But if I did. Would you let Tiger Woods take it for a spin? I would let Tiger Woods. If he promised not to flip her over it. I don't care how fucked up Tiger Woods is if he offers to take my daughter out for a ride. I'm like, yeah, dude. Go for it. It's gonna be the drive of your life.

SPEAKER_01 53:14

Come back upside down.

SPEAKER_03 53:16

Yeah. It's fucking Tiger Woods, though. I forbid a black man drives a little spicy.

unknown 53:21

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 53:22

Yeah, bro. He is gonna win the masters. I hope he gets it. He does drive a little spicy. I think it's uh center around like 398 nowadays. Would you say he was like crying, crying for help now?

SPEAKER_01 53:30

Oh yeah, Tiger Woods is taking a leave of absence to uh get help, which I can only assume uh he's referring to his putting game, which has been kind of weak lately. Uh I don't think Tiger Woods is gonna stop drinking because if that were the case He's like helped me finish this.

SPEAKER_03 53:45

That's what he was saying.

SPEAKER_01 53:46

Yeah, maybe last time he would have he would have tried to change, but I think he's just trying to change his backswing. I think he's I think he's gonna remain the person that he is.

SPEAKER_03 53:55

Which is cool. I like uh dude, the PGA needs a guy that's gonna get fucked up and flipped over cars. He's the black John Daly.

SPEAKER_01 54:02

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 54:02

He's literally the black John Daly.

SPEAKER_01 54:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 54:05

What do you think his kid thinks of all this shit? I'll tell you what, John Daly doesn't John Daly gets fucking hammered, but he can drive. Dude, John Daly beat. He can drive and fucking pissed drunk one time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was like, Yeah, dude, we were drinking all night the night before, drink all in the morning. He he said he told Tiger like four times, like, hey, come have a drink with me, come have a drink with me. He's like, I can't, I gotta go work out. He goes and works out, comes back to the bar. He's like, come have a drink with me, come have a drink. He's like, I can't, I gotta go hit the golf wrench. And he's like, dude, come on, bro, have a drink with me. And Tiger Woods like told him, like, dude, if I was as talented as you, I would be getting fucked up doing the same thing you are. He's like, but I'm not, I have to work hard. And the next day, John Daly was pissed junk and beat him by like three strokes or some shit.

SPEAKER_01 54:42

It's funny, Tiger Tiger said all of that and then gets drunk as fuck and flips over cars. What a fucking poser. Annually, Tiger Woods is crashing into stuff. It's National Tiger Woods Day. You're just gonna DUI. Yeah, he also fucking uh he's pleading not guilty to the DUI and flipped over Range Rover and all that stuff.

SPEAKER_03 54:59

Or it's still funny. What do you how do you plead? How do you like hold up that in court? Like I'm not guilty. Like you're in the driver's seat, drunk as fuck, and like you plead not guilty.

SPEAKER_00 55:10

He's got the best lawyers.

SPEAKER_03 55:11

What do you say? Like, no, it's not my fault. What is your like case to like plead not guilty in a DUI? You're like, sorry, it's not my fault. I was drunk. Like, what do you say to that?

SPEAKER_01 55:18

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 55:19

Maybe he was still drunk, and he's like, I'm not even on the t-box, how can I drive? How the fuck could I? Your Honor, I have there's no carts in the PGA. My lawyer has the tiniest hat in all of Florida, okay? Come after me if you like. I will beat this case. Beat it to fucking death.

SPEAKER_00 55:39

It's a microscopic hat on this man.

SPEAKER_03 55:41

Tiger Woods' lawyer's tiny hat has a fucking spinning top on it. His lawyer's fucking retarded. He's not getting out of the fucking DUI, dude. Yeah, he's retarded. He's watching dude.

SPEAKER_04 55:51

It was like noon.

SPEAKER_03 55:52

He flipped over a car. Was it really like a early in the day, yeah? Midday midday car accidents?

SPEAKER_01 55:59

Midday car, like freshly afternoon, drunk as fuck. In the middle of the week.

SPEAKER_00 56:05

Well, no, it was a weekend. It was a weekend. They didn't really find much alcohol in his system. He's on pills?

SPEAKER_03 56:12

Yeah, he's he's up the Marshall Mathers? Yeah, maybe it's Marshall Mathers. He's up the perk 30s. Perk 30s, man. Well, I'll give it to him. Bro, Perk Birdies. Perkinset, Perkinset.

SPEAKER_00 56:24

Perk Birdie's set stripper joint is Perkinset and Waiter joint.

SPEAKER_03 56:27

Don't let Barstool hear you say perk 30s. Bro, Perk Birdies. That's hard as fuck, dude. Yeah, they're gonna put that on a fucking driver cover tomorrow. Dude, fuck, dude, we gotta get that shit decaled.

SPEAKER_01 56:36

Also, how uh I talked about that last week.

unknown 56:40

No.

SPEAKER_03 56:41

Barstool making money on it. This is every week. Did you split your beer too? This is every week, dude. Dog, this is suede carpet. You poured that shit on my fucking cover. Suede. I don't have the answer, suede. Poppy, could you grab me one? Yeah, what you want? Oh could you grab uh Miller?

SPEAKER_00 56:58

Small.

SPEAKER_03 56:58

Huey, what's what's the snout you have?

SPEAKER_01 57:00

Corporate Alec and Casey. Yeah, what's up with that?

SPEAKER_00 57:03

I saw that. I'm curious. I feel like y'all got robbed of just being like getting giving the LARP as a as a corporate guy.

SPEAKER_03 57:10

I did. I did for a long time. And I got like imposter syndrome and got fired. I feel like y'all were Oh you did? You got uh to my septides company. I worked as a like under the project manager, like assistant project manager in an office for like a year and a half. And I was kind of just pretending to work and collecting money, and then they found out that I was pretending to work and then uh they let me go.

SPEAKER_01 57:35

It was a fun year and a half.

SPEAKER_03 57:36

So you had a mob job. So you had a no-show job.

unknown 57:40

Yeah?

SPEAKER_03 57:41

You had a fucking no-show job.

SPEAKER_00 57:42

You were a wise guy. You were gonna you have to be a wise guy.

SPEAKER_03 57:45

No, I didn't talk to anybody.

SPEAKER_01 57:46

That's how they found out that I was faking, because I wasn't friends with anybody. So they would just come in and uh see me doing nothing and then telling me.

SPEAKER_03 57:56

Oh they do some shit like that. You're making money. That's pretty sick though. Is that all you had the idea of it? What do you mean we got ripped off?

SPEAKER_00 58:04

Oh no, I like the the the the topic of uh just corporate jobs came to me because uh I w I went to the gym and uh earlier and uh one of the dudes working at the front desk, it's like two like younger Gen Z dudes, like like 21, 22. Like my homie's little brother and his friend. Yeah. And they're like, uh, I don't know how it got brought up, but they're like, have you ever heard of LARPing? You know what a LARPing is? And uh I was like, yeah, I'm a brother, I do that every day. These people don't know what a fucking fool they hired.

SPEAKER_03 58:36

Had them fooled for five years. Dude, I would fuck up a corporate job so fucking bad, dog. I would 100% sleep with everybody. There's like no doubt in my mind. Like, like, yeah, suit and tie ass dude, bro. Like one of my job is legit the first time I like I have it. Really? Yeah. Are you pissed or are you okay with that? No, it's haven't slept with everybody though. Nobody's just fucking sleeping with anyone in the it's too small, it's too small of a company.

SPEAKER_00 59:04

It would just it would be like it would be almost impossible to like keep it a secret. You think so? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 59:10

Because like the thing is, is like if you suck at it, they're gonna let everyone know you suck at it. But if you're really fucking good at it, there's they're also gonna let everyone know you're really fucking good at it. So yeah, you're you're screwed everywhere. You're screwed either way. Like, you all dog somebody, bro, everyone knows about it. It's typically not like that in plumbing. Typically not. I've only worked for one company, but I don't know. So far, maybe, I don't know. Maybe if you get further north, Houston. You're looking pretty good so far here. Uh Casey or what?

SPEAKER_01 59:41

Yeah, I haven't fucked any of my co-workers yet.

SPEAKER_03 59:48

Pinche Wero. Pinche Weddle, yeah. Dog shit dick, dude. Yeah, I haven't fucked any of my Mexican coworkers yet. Yeah, yeah. It's always on the table. He's got you have ice on your phone. You can fuck them over at the dude that said you're fucked up today at work. Yo, I'm telling everyone you got bad dick game, they don't call it ice. 100%, dude. Yeah. Yeah. Bro, shout out Blue Chew. This is our next sponsor. Blue Chew reached out to us. And we're excited to say, I'm not gonna.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:26

No, no, no, let him know. He's gonna be reached out to us, and uh we're excited for uh what the future holds. Yeah. Um we'd love to sponsor Blue Chew on this podcast. I love the product. I take it every day with my multivitamins, every morning. Do uh some multivitamin gummies, some creatine, uh some blue chew, um vitamin C typically. But uh make sure I get a blue chew pill every morning before I go. And uh Blue Chew is up, dude. Yeah, blue chew is the best. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:00

Dude, it makes my dick really hard to where it makes me feel scared. But dick's never been this hard. Yeah, it's like an actual like the term rock hard, but like actually like it feels like a stone, like a rock. Yeah. Like uh gosh, man, that's gotta be such a fucking exhilarating feel. That's like first boner type shit. If you're not chewing it, you're not chewing it. Yeah, no, that's dude, that's oh shoot, we have another fucking banger, dude. If you're not chewing it, you're not doing it, bro. Fucking love. Say that louder, Huey. Say it louder one more time. If you're not chewing it, you're not doing it. Are you looking into the camera when you say that? Shout out Blue Jew.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:37

I'm not. I was looking at the board. All right, all right.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:39

Look in the camera and say it one more time. Just for blue chew. Just for blue chew. They say if you're not chewing it, you're not doing it. And we're doing it. Yeah, and we're chewing it. And we're chewing it. That's right. We're chewing on the show. So is she? Yeah. I'm chewing on pussy lips. Side of the mouth. Just you're fucking foaming out the mouth, bro. Dude, yeah. I'm so hard I'm laying around with girls with big ass labials. Big ass labial.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:06

It's like you're making out with Jay-Z. Yeah. Yeah. Gross. Yeah, I'm in the HOV land. You. You're in the HOV. Yeah, it's me and these two. Each side of that is riding with me.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:26

HOV?

SPEAKER_01 1:02:29

Gosh damn. Think uh when I was a boy, I when I was a boy, I thought, uh, man, like what's it gonna be like when I get older and I become a man? Who would have thought I'd be sitting around in my buddy's room talking about big pussy?

SPEAKER_00 1:02:46

I wanted to be Batman, dude. Yeah, you're Batman, dude.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:52

Dude, yeah. We pretty much are simulating just almost Batman. Almost we we do what we do at night.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:01

Simulating is fucking inflating a big ass balloon, but it's big ass labias instead. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:09

Like only just a balloon that's like kind of like popped and like the hove is in a building. Dude, I wonder if you get like a say like I got like really, really rich, and I was on like a yacht on like a really windy day. Could labia blow in the wind? Yeah, dude. That's the way that's a good thing. Do you think there's a wind strong enough? Do you think there's a usually just got two feet? Do you think there's wind strong enough to blow labia around in different directions? It's like steer a girl in my direction.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:38

That sounds like a startled horse.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:42

Dude, those are the best, bro. I need you guys to get the fuck out of here. I got something I need to tend to.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:50

Oh, dude. I wonder if like uh like really big labias have to like clean like the extra skin like a uncircumcised guy would have to like clean like uh the cheese or whatever they call it.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:05

Talking about cheesy McGee. Cheese McGee, dude. You know cheese McGee. We all have Jewish dicks in this room. No, my dick has no money. My dick has a zero money. My dick gets no money, bro. Yeah. My dick's never seen a job. Oh man. You guys uh speaking of are we talking about how like Tiger Woods is fucking up his life and going to jail and everything. Is it true that that fucking asshole queer bag Clav is actually going to prison?

SPEAKER_01 1:04:38

I heard he shot an alligator in the head nine times. Nine times.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:42

I love that guy so much. He's gonna be bro, you know all that looks max and shit. He's gonna get he's gonna do great in prison. They're gonna tear that little white boy out.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:51

Oh yeah. Yeah. Do you think he's gonna have security in prison? Do you think he's gonna be able to do it? What if he just like mogs everybody and becomes like prison king?

SPEAKER_03 1:04:58

There's no fucking way now. I saw him get taken down by a like a purple belt the other day.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:02

I'd love I want them to put him in the same uh prison they still is in.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:06

What is it?

SPEAKER_01 1:05:06

I want I want them to put him in the same prison that Joe Exotic is in. Is Joe Exotic still? I think that's in Florida, also. No. Was Joe Exotic in Florida or something?

SPEAKER_03 1:05:14

Joe Exotic finds out he shot an alligator. Oh, he's fucking his little ass.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:18

Have you guys seen uh Joe Exotic's notes from his boyfriend? No. His boyfriend is outside of prison. He gets notes from his boyfriend inside of prison. The notes are just uh his boyfriend putting an ink pad on his asshole and pressing it against a piece of paper, and he's sending Joe Exotic. Printing sheets of paper with his ass. Yes, asshole print. We women are shit, dude. Do you think you're the uh the modern day like lipstick on a napkin?

SPEAKER_00 1:05:46

Dude, that's the most romantic shit I've ever done. That's what they do.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:49

Just the fucking Southern Twinks butthole print.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:52

Twin Twinks, uh whatever they want to get in. Twink towers.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:55

Yeah, at Twink at at Twink Towers, whatever you get a Instead of the heart they all put on everybody's receipt, it's just the fucking boys' butthole. That's what we were smelling the last time we went there, bro. Smell like shit. Oh, dude. Smelled like shit. That boy. Dude, these women are shit.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:16

Because how many of them like what just actually just sent them? Just the ink print of their pussy.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:22

None of them. Well, none of them, bro. An ink print? Some of them go home with the guys. Our pH was off. It burned a hole through the paper.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:38

Are you trying to smoke are you trying to smuggle sulfuric acid into our prison right now?

SPEAKER_03 1:06:45

There's a hole in this paper, dude. Sorry, uh, I haven't been drinking a lot of calcium lately. Oh, that's good. Private park marks on paper.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:59

That is crazy.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:01

How do you get this information, Casey? I'm on the internet like quite a bit. You always have like the right headlines.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:07

I've had this in my head. I just bring it up uh sometimes whenever I think about I don't even know what brings it up about every once in a while. What do you think? Sometimes I think about boys' butthole prints on paper. And I just I just gotta say, uh actually, I was telling my my uncle and aunt about this story, and they were like, that's weird. Uh like that's a weird kind of love. And I was like, that's an exotic kind of love. Hey, Joe Exotic. They laughed, they thought it was funny. And then uh yeah, they punched me in the fucking face.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:38

I forget what he even he killed someone, right?

SPEAKER_03 1:07:40

Joe Exotic? Uh I think he just like a he set up like a murder for hire thing, and uh the people, it was all people he knew.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:50

They were just all gay meth heads, and they ratted him out very quick for money. And uh yeah, he begs. If you follow him on social media, every other day he's like, Oh, President Trump, pardon me, pardon me, please pardon me, get me out of here.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:04

But uh loser.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:07

Gay buttholes on paper. Not great, not great at all. Yeah. It's that Apex paper, dude. Yeah, don't kind of joke's always a part of Gay PEC. Ew, dude.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:26

What if you were sending your boyfriend butthole prints on papers and you like didn't wipe good enough and you got shit on the paper? Would that be nasty or would it be hot?

SPEAKER_03 1:08:33

No, dude, gay guys definitely have a big thing.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:35

Gay guys, comment. Let me know.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:38

We need a gayer audience, dude.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:40

We need we need stands. We don't have any stands. We need gay guys in the audience.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:44

Lesbians. Yeah, I need a couple fucking. I need a lesbian on my fucking house. I need somebody to fucking watch sports with. Beat up my fucking fiance. Yeah, and to watch sports with too. Just fucking watching me play NCAA 26. He's open, he's open. Yeah, dude. You had the check down. X! X!

SPEAKER_04 1:09:05

You had the check down. What are you doing? You have the check down. Fucking dumbass.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:11

Never gonna transfer to Texas. Find a cool lesbian at like a loves truck stop.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:16

Oh bro, dude, lesbians at love truck stops will fuck guys. I love a lot lizard.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:22

I just need a lot lizard, bro. I need a lot lizard so fucking bad. Picked up a lot lizard at loves the other day, dude. Fuck, I need a lot lizard in my life. On the way to your bachelor's board. Yeah. Oh, bro. Dude, she was a blast, honestly. I'm so sad we dropped her off as early as we did. Because I mean, we didn't have no blue chew on me, bro. It was too big. I'm not made of jack in the box tacos, okay?

SPEAKER_00 1:09:49

I couldn't afford her for the whole weekend.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:51

I'm made of jacking off and eating tacos. Kind of. Yeah, why don't you let jack in your box? Yeah. Oh man. Anyway, Cloud's gonna have a fucking great time in prison, dude. I can't stand that fucking dude. The amount of shit that I have to see on my timeline of the unwillingly. Just like everything I know about this guy is just like unwillingly. I didn't even want to know anything about this dude, and he just keeps popping up on my fucking timeline.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:17

Did you see the clip of like he's like on like Piers Morgan? Like he's like on like news news. He's on Piers Morgan, he's on Quiers Morgan?

SPEAKER_01 1:10:24

Yeah, he went on Queers Morgan and basically brought up the fact that it's like he's a cuck.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:28

And he hit Piers is or Clive is the sound effect? Piers is a cuck? Piers is pretty much a cuck. Yeah. If you go on his wife's Instagram, it's just her like posting pictures of like hot guys that she's actually hanging out with. That's actually sick. Yeah. It's kind of fucking dope. Dude, you know what's funny too? It's like I feel like there's a big correlation between like libs and queers, like also having like gay tendencies, like the Destiny dude. That's like 100% a cuck, and he's like super, super lib. I feel like that's a correlation between those guys.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:00

Aside from the the cuck stuff, I didn't see anything else of Clav on Piers Morgan. Did he say anything else?

SPEAKER_00 1:11:06

No, it was the fact that he like he called Piers Morgan a cuck, like on like news, like on news news, like mainstream, like like like Generation X news, and then he hits the It's on live, yeah, dude.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:22

It's so sick. Dude, I'm telling you, he's like kind of the man. Y'all kind of fucking live, bro.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:27

We're locking him up because he got a fucking nine millimeter extendo and unloaded on an alligator in Florida. I hang out with guys that do that all the time.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:36

In Manhattan, yeah. In Manhattan, we can turn alligators or just what'd you do on your bachelor ship?

SPEAKER_00 1:11:41

We shot alligators in Florida.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:44

Oh, dude, that sounds like fucking fun.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:46

I'm not gonna lie, but I I keep hating on the guy, but like if I was there, I 100% would have popped a couple off, too. I for sure would have popped the door off. Dude, yeah. I mean, Clav is kind of like kind of gay. But if I was hanging out with him, I would be like, dude, like I really hope he thinks I'm cool. He's like uh I'm podcast maxing right now. Yeah. Dude, we're podcasting, we're pod maxing. We really, yeah. Huey just said retard maxing a couple weeks ago. We really do just get on here and just retard max. Well, we do, yeah. We're just dude, it's so much fun. Dude, we're beer maxing. We're beer maxing. We're beer maxing every week. We're beer maxing every week.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:25

And it this is the best, dude. If I if I dude, I'm telling you, the weekdays doing this on a weekday is crazy.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:34

It is nuts. Because I had to wake up early as hell. It is nuts, dude. Yeah, it's just talking about 11 o'clock at night. The pod maxing, bro. We're just we're sorry, I was pod maxing last night. Pod maxing. Sorry, uh sorry I hooked up the wrong line to your toilet. I was pod maxing all last night. Yeah, I'm sorry that your uh your shit's going from your toilet straight out of your kitchen sink. I was podmaxing all last night. Dude, I went to uh the third the third ward last week to go clear a toilet. Dude, I'm talking about cigarette butts, crawfish heads. I'm talking about like shit that does not go in a toilet even if you fucked up.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:08

Like one singular crawfish head in the toilet, like you brought it in there on purpose and trying to fucking flush it. What are we doing? What are we doing in the third ward? It doesn't make any sense.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:19

Dude, I was in somebody's fucking house. Somebody's house. They're like, oh, it's backed up. Dog, I'm talking about it must have been backed up for a fucking week and a half.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:29

Crawdad, dude, there was one there's one time. I was riding I was riding with this guy, and uh we went to a house, and a guy said uh there's a guest room toilet and like uh like a hallway bathroom. And he was so adamant, he was like, Yeah, nobody ever uses it, just go in there. Like uh it's clogged up, and which obviously like a bathroom nobody ever uses is clogged up. Like, alright. Dude, I'm talking about we go in there, my coworker lifts up the toilet, the customer's standing right behind us, like over our shoulders.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:02

He lifts up the toilet, he says, damn!

SPEAKER_01 1:14:05

Bro, I was out loud, and like loud as fuck, and I dude, I'm like laughing because the shit in the bowl, bro. This fucking thick, this thick.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:17

And clear water, like that, it has nothing to do with the stop. Somebody took a shit on top of the toilet and just like didn't flush it.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:24

A fucking giant fucking thick ass turd just like floating around, and the guy's just like he's just like standing there. And he doesn't say anything, he doesn't laugh, he doesn't say like, oh my bad, doesn't say anything.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:36

He didn't even apologize, he's like, Oh damn!

SPEAKER_03 1:14:39

And then the guy said nothing, and there's this big ass turd, and then uh we get the prize to unclog and he's like, nah, it's too much. But he just wanted to show you, it was just a show and tell. He brought you over the flag, it was a show and tell. That's how I get down over here. Tony Dollas.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:56

No, it wasn't that accent, it was uh different one.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:02

A different one, it was a blacker one. There's a black Israelite. What the fuck is a black Israelite, also? A black Israelite. What is that? It's like turkey bacon. It's fucking not bacon. Are we hearing it wrong?

SPEAKER_01 1:15:17

Because most lights in our life are white or yellow. Maybe black is real light.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:23

Black is real light. Hmm. So guinness. Fuck all that. The only light I want to hear about is fucking Miller, dude. Yeah, dude. Give me a fucking Miller light. Fuck the Israelites, fuck the ceiling light. Alright, dude. What's Israel light even mean? What is a black Israelite though, actually? It's like we know you guys steal. So it's like if you just like say you're Jewish at the same time, you get away with it? Or what is it? Israel right. Israel right to steal.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:49

Is real okay, actually.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:51

It's real okay, fool. Black Israel okay. What is a hey, is that actually just like black Jewish people? I don't know what it is. Kendrick Lamar knows. He was like, we're not black no more, or we're black Israelites. Is Kendrick Lamar Jewish? I think so, bro.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:08

No. I'm not black no more. I have been delivered. What's the beef? I thought Jews were supposed to get along. Why did why do him and Drake have that beef? If he's a black Israelite, Jewish. Drake is Jewish.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:18

Is he really? Drake is Jewish as fuck. Is he actually? Yeah, Drake is a fucking Muslim Canadian Jewish guy. That's fucking yeah. That doesn't even make sense. That's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:29

But Muslim.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:31

That actually kind of checks out. You know how he's like he kind of bandwagons like uh sports teams have like a whole meme where he like he's a Lakers. Wherever you bet on who's gonna lose. He's like, I I don't know, the Muslims are gonna win. This is one of the Go Iran!

SPEAKER_03 1:16:43

He's like go Israel, go Iran. Also the grassy. The assie. That shit sucks, dude. I never watched. I saw the commercials for and I said, what the fuck is this?

SPEAKER_01 1:16:53

Dude, he was the resource.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:58

I'm trying to watch retarded cartoons, man. Solid burp. Big burp. That's fucking solid burp, dude. Solid burp. Yeah, dude, I don't understand black Israelites. I want to get yelled at yelled at by one. What do you think it sounds like? Just gunshots in Hebrew? Just Hebrew gunshots? Ouch! There's a lot of H's on those guns.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:30

There's a lot of Jehovah's Witnesses.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:33

If black Israelites are just black Jewish people, does that mean that the black ladies at the grocery store causing a scene are just black Israelites?

SPEAKER_03 1:17:41

Yeah, 100%. Every single time, 100% of the time. Wow. Definitely.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:46

Okay. If there's any black Israelites, I doubt it. But I guess tell us what you even are talking about. That'd be cool.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:56

I don't know. I don't know. I'm not gonna Google it either, because that's a f I don't care.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:00

I think the difference between like black people and black Israelites, instead of being at the back of the bus, they're at the back of the train. I think that's how that works. European black people.

SPEAKER_03 1:18:16

What were you saying about uh Mike Tomlin's fucking nepot son? Oh I didn't see this shit.

SPEAKER_01 1:18:23

So Mike Tomlin's son got on like Instagram Live or something, and somebody said, like, why don't you use your nepotism to get into coaching? And uh Mike Tomlin, if you don't know, was uh head coach of the Steelers for like 23 years, which is also super impressive. Uh especially for a black coach. Whenever he quit, I looked up how long he had become the coach, and I knew it was a long time, but it was longer than I thought.

SPEAKER_03 1:18:46

And uh I just thought that was insane that he's been the coach of the Steelers for 20-something years, like the longest tenured coach in the NFL.

SPEAKER_01 1:18:53

But his son got on Instagram live, and uh someone asked him about getting into coaching, and he said uh he just he'd be just like Lane Kiffin. And uh he would try to fuck all of his lady staff and he would lie to all the players.

SPEAKER_03 1:19:11

It was very funny, and uh I believe he was genuine about it, which is even funnier. No, he was keeping it real, yeah. 100% he was keeping real. You know what? And I respect that. Yeah, like if my coach was like, hey, like this guy know me, I'm gonna get in trouble. Look, dude, I worked my entire life like coaching, and this is my dream job. Like, I'm I'm literally just here to just get some D1 pussy. Like, that's the only reason I'm here.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:32

Like 20 years old, dude. Just be a fucking rich kid. Like, why do you have to get into coaching? Yeah, it's good for you.

SPEAKER_03 1:19:39

My dad's Mike Tomlin, bro. My dad's not Mike Tomlin. If my dad was Mike Tomlin, I would 100% like do a podcast.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:45

Yeah, dude, a lot of fucking kids with like NFL star parents like, I'm gonna be just like you, I'm gonna play football.

SPEAKER_03 1:19:52

It's like, no, dude. Like, I'm gonna live off of you for the rest of my life. Yeah, look at Shadur Sanders. Shador Dash. Shador Dash. Uh he's gonna be the starting quarterback of the Browns this coming season. That's what this is a really good time for you to get into football. Dude, he's Shador Sanders is a dickhead. I'm sorry. He's a fucking dickhead. I'm not saying I'm not being racist, I just don't like his personality. Did you see whenever he was doing the mime meme? Talking to the fucking yeah. Yeah. He was like the reporters like asking him questions and he was just like mouthing words but not saying anything. He was like a mime. Yeah. He was like Shador. But he does at Colorado, especially, he does show flashes of being a good quarterback. I think if he can learn how to read an NFL defense, he'll be just fine. And if with his personality, he'll be a fucking star.

SPEAKER_01 1:20:49

But he's like a his dad has to get out of his ear.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:52

He's gotta let the coaches this is the whitest take I've ever had ever. Stop listening to fucking Dion Sanders. Listen to your fucking coaches, dude.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:00

Like yeah. Dion played DB. He doesn't know shit about playing quarterback at all. He knows how to pick him off, doesn't he? He knows how to pick him off. Don't get me started on Dion that. There's a reason he was also a return specialist. I'll say that.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:17

Amen. But also one of the greatest football players of all time at that. I can't stand insane athlete. Insane athlete. And they threw him in slot receiver. Yeah, but they threw JJ Wadd at slot receiver.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:31

No, I'm talking about like there's probably been a couple games where fucking uh Dion probably had like six or seven targets.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:38

Maybe eight. Dude, six or seven is such a common fucking I hate saying it now. I cannot be fucking retarded. The two numbers that are next. Because like I know he's not getting eight targets a game, but he's probably getting like six or seven.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:53

Sorry, anyways.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:55

But if Shador can just listen to his coaches, he's gonna be he's gonna be a really good thing. I actually hate that take, dude. Really? You think you should listen to Deion Sanders? No, it's not like that. Deion Sanders can't even fucking coach Colorado University. I'm not talking about the Deion Sanders take. I'm talking about I'm praying on Shader's downfall like so hard, bro. I can't see. So am I. I'm just being realistic. I think he's gonna I think he's gonna be good. You think you think he's taking the ball from Deshaun?

SPEAKER_01 1:22:18

I think he's gonna be what they hope Deshaun Watson was gonna be when they paid all that money and traded for him. I think he's gonna be he's not as mobile and as shifty as uh Deshaun Watson was, uh especially dodging all those lawsuits. But um he can move around in the pocket, he can scramble a little bit, like he's not super fast or anything, but he's got a fucking arm.

SPEAKER_03 1:22:39

And he's kind of accurate if he understands the play, he's very accurate. And Jerry Judy, get that guy out of Cleveland. That guy sucks. He's not gonna help Shador at all. They need a draft. I'm sure they have a great draft pick. I would have to imagine. They gotta take a receiver. Or honestly, the best thing for a rookie quarterback is a very good tight end. Like sure hands can run a 10-yard out, catch it every time. That's gonna move the ball, and then you can you can try to take your deep shots, be risky on first and second down, third down, go to the tight end. Dude, who's the new fucking tight end that's coming up the round like a 4-3-40 or some shit? Uh, that's a guy out of Oregon. I forget his name. Supposedly the Texans are looking on trying to grab him. He is gonna be probably one of the aside from Brock Bowers, because that guy's crazy. Yeah. But uh in recent, the amount of tight ends taken in the first round is very little.

SPEAKER_01 1:23:30

This guy's gonna be one of them because of his 40 time. And uh, dude, he's fucking he's nice.

SPEAKER_00 1:23:37

If you like Vernon Davis.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:38

That's what I was gonna say. He's like Vernon Davis speed. He's faster than Vernon Davis, yeah. Yeah, and he's big too. Like he's not he's not skinny. Suppose he's a good blocking tall back, too. Everything he's gonna ask for. And that's uh when I was in the bathroom, I looked in uh Jerry Jones says the they're working on a franchise, or not a franchise, a long-term deal with uh George Pickens.

SPEAKER_01 1:23:58

And they also said if all the good defensive players are taken off of the board, um they're gonna take an offensive weapon, which could mean some excitement in uh me buying a jersey after the draft.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:11

Oh, dude, speaking of jerseys, brother uh a white boy from Philly, the DB, who is it? Cooper? No, not DeGene, the other one. Blankenship. Blankenship. Yeah, so I'm grabbing, I'm grabbing that jersey dog. Dude, he's a he's a very, very good safety.

SPEAKER_01 1:24:27

He can cover and he can hit.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:29

And I I to me being with Dallas being in the same division as Philly, we play each other twice a year. So I know a good bit about Philly. That that's a you guys got a guy. You guys got a real. I'm excited, bro. That's a guy that's gonna like uh border patrol right there. He might not be like the best safety ever, but in his mind he is, and every time he makes a play, he's gonna try his hardest to fucking hit somebody or go for the buttons. That's not a white. He's a John Lynch. He's a white safety in the NFL.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:56

He's a John Lynch for the uh the Broncos. Dude, I remember everyone.

SPEAKER_01 1:25:00

He's like a miniature Harrison Smith.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:02

Every single like for uh the Vikings. Every single Madden like Madden game, John Lynch every time. 89. Every single, every single time. Just solid, solid, solid safety. Like we're gonna have to do safety.

SPEAKER_03 1:25:15

This draft talk is getting me excited.

SPEAKER_01 1:25:17

Uh the NFL draft is coming up in the this next month of April.

SPEAKER_03 1:25:20

We're gonna do a draft special. We're gonna have to do a draft special because I've been watching prospects like crazy. Yeah. I got a lot of on the cowboys have two first-round picks this year, so it's gonna be extra exciting for the people. I'm gonna bring it to you. I'm gonna bring it to you as well. We're getting defense and we're getting no one cares about the cowboys, dude.

unknown 1:25:35

Surely somebody else.

SPEAKER_03 1:25:36

Yeah, that's our our best, our best TikTok is about the Cowboys. That's not true. It is. Might be the most likes. I hate that. Said 355 likes. I checked today. Fucking hate. Hey. Shout out to Blue Chew. Shout out Blue Chew. Tune on Libya. While we're on the sports topic, what's up with the I don't know who it is. I don't know. Can we lock in a draft special? Yeah, do we look at the show? I'm down. It's usually on a Sunday.

SPEAKER_01 1:26:02

Or it might be on a Thursday night. I'll look later at the time. If it's Thursday, it works out perfectly. That's perfect. We'll do a draft special. And yeah, I think it whatever. We'll we'll work out the details off podcast.

SPEAKER_03 1:26:11

Yeah, it works out perfectly.

SPEAKER_01 1:26:12

We'll do that.

SPEAKER_03 1:26:14

We'll say we are at a minute. So you guys have any closing statements? Go fuck your mother. Go fuck your mother.

SPEAKER_01 1:26:20

Go fuck your mother. What happens uh when a Jewish guy runs into a wall?

SPEAKER_03 1:26:26

He breaks his nose?

SPEAKER_01 1:26:28

Yes, and also the twin towers collapses. That's all. Bye for now. Shith holes and buttholes.