Goutback Steakhouse - RTB Ep. 18

Have a beer or 12. Laugh with us. Enjoy yourself, it's Monday. AND COME BACK NEXT MONDAY TO DO IT AGAIN!

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:03

What's up, guys?

SPEAKER_03 0:04

Nothing, dude.

SPEAKER_02 0:06

Oh, I forgot my coffee. It's alright.

SPEAKER_03 0:10

We bought a race changer machine. So, you know. Oh, yeah. We're trying to find who's the right subject to change their races. We've been messing with uh with a few earlier today. Uh we tried uh your neighbor, we turned them Korean earlier.

SPEAKER_04 0:25

That was kind of that one didn't work out for me.

SPEAKER_03 0:27

Yeah. We tried to change a Mexican to uh the Chinese and it just it it shorted out halfway, and we just got a Filipino. Um they are really all the same.

SPEAKER_02 0:37

They uh not even club Mexicans and what'd you say? Filipinos? Filipino? Filipino, well, Mexicans and Filipinos are field guys, but Chinese factory guy.

SPEAKER_04 0:48

Did you just say they're a field guy?

unknown 0:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 0:51

I mean, come on, dude.

SPEAKER_03 0:52

They're on the field.

SPEAKER_04 0:53

Come on, dude. Come on, dude.

SPEAKER_03 0:54

Come on, dude. That was Mexicans working indoors and making it. That was the joke. I I I saw I saw this uh this Chinese comedian. I think her name was like I don't want to fuck up her first name. It's a Chinese ass. Something Jau Xin Summers or something like that. But she was funny, but uh I've watched some of her videos. Dude, that might be the cure to stage fret.

SPEAKER_04 1:14

Just having a fucked up name? Oh, not being able to see anything. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Bobby Lee's doing good.

SPEAKER_00 1:21

Is he?

SPEAKER_04 1:22

Uh he's going to the podcast. Huey ripped off the band-aid, bro. Huey got on stage. Huey ripped off the band-aid, bro.

SPEAKER_03 1:27

Huey got on stage, bro.

SPEAKER_04 1:29

One of us is talking about the one of my stage. I'm glad that you brought that up, dude. Because like yesterday, uh I was like playing Rocket League or something. By the way, I've been killing Rocket League lately. I've been grinding the fuck out of Rocket League. I'm back. But I was playing Rocket League, and Peyton was on the couch in here, and she was like, What is this? Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, what is this? This is so good. And your fucking band-aid was stuck on the couch, dog. She was like, There's a fucking band-aid stuck on the couch, you gotta get it off. I mean, that bitch get it off. Did I not take that shit off the street? I left it there for you. I know Huey has staff, bro. There's no way I'm touching that band-aid. I left it there for you.

SPEAKER_03 2:01

Anyway. The band-aid? I'm really surprised. No, that couldn't have been mine. Dude, 100%.

SPEAKER_04 2:08

What color? Because it was like skin tag. It was like skin tag band-aid. It was small. Wait, what did it have clear on it? What do you mean it would have clear? No, fussy and red. Say yes. No. Yeah. Yes. It wasn't mine then. It wasn't mine. It was. It was. It was clear. It was clear as fuck.

SPEAKER_03 2:24

I barely saw it. No, the one I had, like, it's like the sport one. Like, it's it's fucking, it does not just fall off.

SPEAKER_04 2:29

Bro, let me find out that was Donovan's band-aid, though.

SPEAKER_03 2:32

I bet it was.

SPEAKER_04 2:33

It was a couch band-aid? It was a couch band-aid, dude. Can it only be you two? Bro, couch band-aids. It wasn't me, dude. You grossed up by your own band-aid, dude. I'll tell you. I don't wear band-aids, bro. I'm a real man. I bleed through my socks. Everybody knows I bleed through my socks. I don't wear band-aids.

SPEAKER_03 2:46

You wear fucking puppets? It was on my arm, dude.

SPEAKER_04 2:51

That was nasty as shit, though. I didn't touch the band-aid, bro. There's no way I was touching the band-aid. That's a woman's job. Touching the band-that's a mom job, dude. I'm not touching the band-aid.

SPEAKER_02 3:01

That is a mom job. Band aids are for moms.

SPEAKER_04 3:02

Band-aids are for moms.

SPEAKER_02 3:04

Happy Mother's Day.

SPEAKER_04 3:05

Oh, yeah, we did. No, Mother's Day was a couple weeks ago. I'm not saying that shit. That's for the clout. He said that shit for the fashion dog. I ain't saying that shit.

SPEAKER_02 3:13

Uh yes.

SPEAKER_04 3:17

Yes, and you celebrate.

SPEAKER_02 3:19

Do I celebrate what? Do you celebrate Mother's Day with Kinsey? I never understood this. Maybe it's because I don't have a kid. Once you have a kid, it becomes about the mother of your kid and not about your mom anymore. That's fair. And so that's that's what we did.

SPEAKER_04 3:29

We just bitch every fucking Mother's Day. I'm sure. He's like, she's not my fucking mom. Yeah. Why do I have to take her out and buy her flowers and she's she's not my fucking mom? And then like as a little kid, and you like look up to your dad, you're like, yeah, that bitch isn't your fucking mom. Why do you have to do that for her? That's my mom.

SPEAKER_02 3:46

Stop buying my mom flowers. Take care, that knee buy her flowers. That's my sweet angel. Get the fuck out of here.

SPEAKER_04 3:51

That's my sweet baby mom, dude.

SPEAKER_02 3:53

Yeah, that's my sweet mommy.

SPEAKER_04 3:54

And he's like, Yeah, that's my baby mama.

SPEAKER_02 3:56

I ain't buying that bit nothing. Yeah, and then you have a kid, and then you can just scribble on a piece of paper and be like, oh, she drew this for you, dude.

SPEAKER_04 4:04

Bro, I feel like I feel like my dad worked every Mother's Day.

SPEAKER_03 4:07

I'm sure he is. I feel like my dad was like he's paying to pick up shit. Yeah, please, somebody drop their shit, dude.

SPEAKER_04 4:14

I need OT. Somebody drop their shift. I know you guys want to see your wife. I don't want to see my fucking wife. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 4:19

That is like it's it seems like a fool's errand to actually take your mom out on actual Mother's Day. That is the busiest day of the year for restaurants.

SPEAKER_04 4:28

Restaurants, yeah, 100%. Dude, I looked out. I got off this, I got off Mother's Day.

SPEAKER_03 4:31

We were weren't we joking about that the other day? How like uh like it's the busiest day, but not the most high profit day for restaurants. Father's Day though, less work, better tip percentage. Probably better families.

SPEAKER_04 4:43

Dude, Father's Day, if I was the dad is around, Twin Peaks probably does numbers on Father's Day. They probably boom out the ass on Father's Day.

SPEAKER_03 4:52

Dude. Yep, right? I mean, the only thing is like with Twin Peaks, like the your bill can only be so high. No. They don't have like tomahawk steaks. Whereas like, if you go to a place, Father's Day, like, oh, what's the special today? Steak? Sign me up. And they're you know, they're just Twin Peaks have Father's Day discounts, dude. I feel like the type of death like they only get to see their daughters on or their kids on week like every other weekend.

SPEAKER_04 5:18

It's just bring the Twin Peaks, it is just bringing you to the Father's Day, it's a Father's Day you celebrate on your own.

SPEAKER_03 5:23

Yeah, that's a single father's day. That's what that is.

SPEAKER_04 5:26

They should have two holidays. You should have Father's Day and they should have single Father Day.

SPEAKER_03 5:29

Like, there's a lot of ankle monitors at the They're just going there to see their daughters at work. When your food's ready, your ankle monitor just starts vibrating.

SPEAKER_04 5:39

Oh, that's a good one. Write that down, write that down. That's a good one. I like that.

SPEAKER_03 5:43

Uh no, I feel like that's not. I I bet it is fucking packed in there though. The titty bars go crazy on Father's Day. Usually every single day, a titty bar is packed. Titty bars go crazy on Father's Day. That actually would be a like a fun that should be our field trip. There's a dadless titty bar day. Yeah. But well, we don't have any fathers to celebrate. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:03

Dude, come celebrate Father's Day with me uh in June. We'll just all go to the titty bar and drink beers.

SPEAKER_04 6:08

When is Father's Day? Is it in June? June? Yeah, June.

SPEAKER_02 6:11

No one even knows when Father's Day is. I don't know. Doesn't that suck, dude? I don't know. I sure as shit don't want to spend it at home. What are you gonna do for Father's Day? Is Kenzie get drunk? Just get a fucking hammer, dude. It's Thursday night. I'm gonna lay in the backyard and drink beer in the grass. I'm going consolation hunting, dog. I'm gonna stare at the sun for as long as I can.

SPEAKER_04 6:31

I wish my fucking dad would stare at his son, dude. I haven't seen him in so long. I was editing clips earlier, and like I feel like the last like three episodes, all we've been doing is we've just been bagging on one of my dads.

SPEAKER_02 6:44

Yeah, I was gonna say, I feel like uh I might know him better than you know him. You probably do. Yeah. I was getting, bro, I was talking to him for like a whole hour.

SPEAKER_04 6:52

Dude, I felt like steam coming out of my ears whenever I like you just chopping it up with my dad. I was like, it's because you're white. Dude, I love your dad. He's like, I'm so proud of you. I'm like, thanks. He's like for being friends with Casey. I'm like, fucking shit, dude.

SPEAKER_02 7:12

Yeah, dude. Yeah. His son's cool.

SPEAKER_04 7:16

Dude, your dad's kind of the man, bro. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:18

I fucking get it, dude. He's cool. Nice cool guy. Cool guy.

SPEAKER_04 7:22

I gotta stop bagging on him, bro. I feel like I can get into a point where I am hurting his feelings a little bit.

SPEAKER_02 7:26

He seemed like a little bit like he kind of seemed like his feelings were hurt, and I was kind of feeling a little bad, but I was also crossing it.

SPEAKER_04 7:32

So I was like, ah. Oh yeah, dude, you're not reading the room, right, bro? You were fucking out of there. Dude, yeah. I felt like you were having an out-of-body experience. Like you were watching from a bird's eye view, you're everyone in your conversations.

SPEAKER_02 7:42

Alex's real dad? Like, do you know my dad? Jack Dwight? You know where my dad is? Is there an allegiance?

SPEAKER_04 7:51

That is so fucking funny.

SPEAKER_02 7:53

Do you know Huey's dad too? Yeah, Huey popped. I was like, Where's my dad also? I remember telling him, uh, I was like, no, I'm allowed to joke about this. I don't know my dad either. Dude, that's a fucking great excuse. Yeah. And he was like, Alright. Which, man, whatever. Cool guy. Cool guy. Huey's like, me too. I'll leave it at that because I don't want him to kick my fucking ass because he can. And I think he might. My dad? Yeah, dude. Nah, dude.

SPEAKER_04 8:18

I'll help you out, bro.

SPEAKER_02 8:19

I don't think we can take him. I don't think so either, but I don't think we can take him. I didn't say that. I think his wife would whoop my fucking ass.

SPEAKER_04 8:25

Dude, she's she kind of fucking swole, right? Yeah. She kind of fucking swole.

SPEAKER_02 8:28

Swole. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 8:30

Cut that. Cut that. No, but yeah, cut that for sure. Sorry. Technical difficulties. No more stash for me. No more stash. I noticed. No more stash. No more stash for me, dude. I think I'm just gonna embrace the skinhead look. The skinhead look? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 8:49

Very, very aerodynamic. For when I fight.

SPEAKER_02 8:53

When you fight. When I fight my dad. Oh you're gonna fight your fucking dad? You just met him.

SPEAKER_04 8:57

Yeah, no, bro. Holy shit. Nah, dude. I couldn't I couldn't do it. No, I don't know. I just got tired of I just got tired of it, dude. I don't I somebody's mom, I forget who it was, but somebody's mom told me like I look different every single time they see me.

SPEAKER_02 9:09

Yeah, you change your appearance a lot. I do I really just with the facial. Sometimes like like mutton chops, sometimes mustache, sometimes full beard, plus sometimes handle chop, handlebars. Yeah, and it yeah. It's cool. It's cool. I'm gonna chop off the muscles. You can be versatile with it, and that's something to be proud of.

SPEAKER_04 9:26

That's what I'm saying, dude. If only like I was in acting school, dude, I could have played any role.

SPEAKER_02 9:30

Yeah. I could have fucked up. Yeah, you could have played, yeah. You could have played like any Puerto Rican role.

SPEAKER_04 9:35

Carlos Correa or Med Munch. Yeah, you can play any Puerto Rican of all time, yeah. Who's the young Google? Who's best Puerto Rican of all time?

SPEAKER_02 9:41

Uh Alec. Hey.

SPEAKER_03 9:43

Wait, who's that actor? He like always plays cholos. It's like a bald guy. Like he literally plays the cholo in a diesel? No, it's not it's a smaller, much smaller like uh uh name actor, but his whole like IMDB is literally just playing fucking Was he in Walking Dead by chance? Like long dicky shorts, like high socks. Is this one number two, cholo number three? It's be real, dude. It fucking might be.

SPEAKER_04 10:06

I I I really get but I think uh I think I know who you're talking about, and I'm almost positive he's in Walking Dead for an episode. Probably. I'm almost positive, and he plays a cello. You think you get him in here? Yeah, we're gonna get this guy on the pod. Yes, we're cholo hunting.

SPEAKER_03 10:20

Imagine like you're going out for a roll at a cello and like you're like uh uh and you're in the waiting room waiting and you see him pull up, you're like, son of a bitch, dude.

SPEAKER_04 10:29

Resume's stacked. Resume's so deep, dude. Go Raiders!

SPEAKER_01 10:35

Hey, go Raiders!

SPEAKER_03 10:37

It's definitely not Van Diesel. No, no, no, no. It's definitely not Van Diesel. This guy's not a millionaire, but he's around he's he uh he's he's been around movies enough to like have a career as being a cholo. Just a cholo. If you play a cholo five times a year in you know, different movies and like so there's no range.

SPEAKER_04 10:56

You know who I'm starting to like, you know, for a long for the longest time, bro, like was like one of my favorite actors, but like as I've gotten older and I've watched more movies, I realize it's not that good of an actor is John Brentle. Yeah like John Brentle kind of fucking sucks dick. I know you saw my review on The Punisher?

SPEAKER_03 11:14

Uh no, I didn't see that.

SPEAKER_04 11:16

Okay. The Punisher, you did you see like he was advertised as like the Punisher, one last kill, like he was coming out. Did you watch the series of The Punisher with John Brentle? I did badass. I did, yeah. Fucking badass. Five stars. Fucking awesome series. And like the growing up, like The Punisher was like my favorite Marvel character, hands down. Like I loved the The Punisher Marvel character. I'm talking about Thomas Jane days, like of the old Punisher movies, old comic books. I fucking that was just my favorite character. Then John Burnthal comes along and he plays the Punisher. And he was, I feel like, the equivalent of like Tony Stark for Iron Man. Yeah. Like I feel like there is nobody else. Yeah, yeah. There's nobody else that can play Punisher better than John Burntall. I think that's what he was like made. He finally found his role, you know what I mean? Yeah. Then he like takes off for this season or for this series, and like it ends. Like a couple years go by, and he like starts teasing, like, oh, I gotta like a it's like a movie. I guess it's a movie. I guess you can call it it's not a movie, it's like a short film. And it's uh the Punisher, one last kill coming out. He's been teasing it for like a few months, and I'm like super hyped to watch this shit because I love I love the series. Yeah. The biggest dog shit I've ever seen in my entire fucking life.

SPEAKER_03 12:22

Wait, so it was a movie or was a series?

SPEAKER_04 12:23

It's like it's like a short film, it's not a series, it's like Punisher, one last it's called Punisher, One Last Kill. It's on Disney. And it's like a follow-up of the series of like where Frank Castle is. And it was written by John Brenthal. Dog, save your fucking time, bro. It's fu it made me not like the Punisher anymore. It was so bad. How long was it? 50 minutes. It's like a short film. Did you did you were you like a YouTube guy growing up? You watched a lot of YouTube?

SPEAKER_03 12:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 12:49

There's this guy named Freddie Wong. He had it was called Rocket Jump. He was like an Asian guy, and he made like a lot of gunfight like YouTube videos. They're like realistic gunfights. Like he was like making a video of him like getting in gunfights and shit. I watched him as a as an adult, as a kid. Like in in high school, he would make these kind of shits, and they were good. This whole video felt like a YouTube video, like a Freddie Wong video. It was just like the Punisher was like in the hotel floor, would kill like 15 guys, and then he would go down a floor and kill like 15 more guys.

SPEAKER_03 13:23

Was it at least like edited in a cool? No, dude.

SPEAKER_04 13:26

No, fuck no. There's this one clip where he like falls off the he like falls off the fucking apartment and onto like a metal box, and it's like the shittiest dog shit CGI I've ever seen in my entire life. It's so bad. Dude, John Berthaw has like five lines in the whole fucking hour-long episode. I'm speaking. And four of them are just what's crazy.

SPEAKER_02 13:47

It's that John Berthaw wrote this. What the fuck did he write? Dude, crunching sounds.

SPEAKER_03 13:53

Pow. Boom. It was just it was terrible, bro. It was the worst shit I've ever seen. And then I kill 15 more, and then I what, two, three, four, five, six, six.

SPEAKER_04 14:05

And then I killed nine more. Bro, it fucking sucked, bro. There's like there's this one character in it. She's like an Italian grandma, and she takes 10 minutes to explain who she is to John Berthaw. And the end by the end of the 10 minutes, basically, she's like, You killed my whole family. I was like, the bitch could have just said that. She's the you're a better actor than she was, dude. She was the worst actress I've ever seen. And John Burnthaw could have just rang her neck, but he just stayed there and like listened to her talk. Me and Gage ranted over text for like 20 minutes talking shit about this.

SPEAKER_03 14:34

I I wonder like if it was one of those things where like he wrote it, and then they're like, Alright, we're gonna do what you want to do, John Burnthaw. And then they just fucked up his whole thing. It felt like it was like it was like a Zack Snyder situation where they're like, This is not a studio really fucked him.

SPEAKER_04 14:52

If this was like a movie and like in the office, it would be Michael Scott's favorite movie. Because he was fucking that bad. Donovan loved it. Donovan Donovan thinks it's a five-star movie for sure.

SPEAKER_02 15:01

Which makes it crazy that Gage didn't like it. Yeah, because it sounds like this sounds like a gage movie.

SPEAKER_04 15:07

It does sound like a gauge movie.

SPEAKER_02 15:08

This one doesn't have any punching noises. No, just kidding, Gage. Just kidding, dude.

SPEAKER_04 15:13

No, dude, I'm not kidding, bro. Gage thinks every movie is a five-star movie. He really does. He has he's like, but he's like the opposite of Donovan. Donovan like tries super hard to not be impressed. Gage is impressed by everything.

SPEAKER_03 15:27

Like he's like, this is the best shit I've ever seen. He's like one of the indigenous peoples, like this discovering like cinema.

SPEAKER_04 15:34

Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's like caveman fire, first time seeing fire type shit. Yeah, every movie he sees.

SPEAKER_03 15:39

A fucking uh like a Tanzanian tribesman just tries like a hot Cheeto for the first time. He's like, what the fuck?

SPEAKER_01 15:45

So much flavor. How you do that?

SPEAKER_04 15:48

Do it again. Gage loves every fucking movie. It's a step, it was a stepdad film, bro. Save your fucking time, dude. Don't ever watch that shit. I wish I could get my fucking time back. The only reason I stuck around and watched the whole thing was so like my review on Letterboxd meant something. And I was like, yeah, I was stuck around to the end just so I can make sure I gave it no stars. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 16:08

Stepdad film, stepdad film is so funny because like I it's I can't describe it, but I know what it is. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 16:15

Like John Way uh Triple X by Vin Diesel. Yeah, it's like very forced testosterone. Yeah, it's like uh what else?

SPEAKER_04 16:22

What's the road rage, the fucking uh Russell Crowe Road Rage one? What's it called? I don't think you know what a bad day is. It's like that.

SPEAKER_03 16:33

Punisher Warzone. Did you see Punishable War Zone with Ray Stevenson? The violence was like cartoonish, but it was it was it was kind of dope though.

SPEAKER_04 16:42

For for his time, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 16:43

For his time and for the fact that it was like straight to DVD, like like you wouldn't like you wouldn't no matter what DVD you bought, like Punishable Warzone came with it. You're like, oh, I want it uh fucking them out. 101 Domations, you like, do you want Punisher Warzone? It came with it, dude.

SPEAKER_04 16:59

No matter what, you're like, please yeah, bro, they're doing as much as they could to sell those out.

SPEAKER_03 17:03

Ray Ray Stevenson was like barely fitting into his Punisher album.

SPEAKER_04 17:07

It was the equivalent of U2 giving everybody that free album on Apple whenever that shit came in.

SPEAKER_02 17:13

Fuck that album.

SPEAKER_04 17:13

That fucking sucks, dude. I thought, what's up with the U2 height? How does everybody like think that U2 is like a good band? I don't know if anybody does. I everyone always I look up like you ever like get bored and just like look up like what are the best bands of all time? U2's like always top 20 somehow. I can't name a single fucking one. I couldn't tell you one.

SPEAKER_03 17:31

I can't. I I I watched that episode of South Park where like Chaz Bono is the biggest piece of shit. Yeah, yeah. I saw before I ever heard one of their songs. So like my any opinion I have is just tainted by maybe they were good, but I I can't think of you know, I bet they're one of those bands that like if someone gave you a free ticket to a U2 concert. I wouldn't go. I wouldn't go. If they force you to go, you'd be like, oh, actually, I do know this song. That's crazy. I don't like this song, but I know it.

SPEAKER_04 17:59

It's like Beastie Boys. It's like Beastie Boys comes on, you're like, wait, how do I know this shit? I didn't know I liked the Beastie Boys.

SPEAKER_02 18:05

I I do love the Beastie Boys, Beastie Boys are close five.

SPEAKER_03 18:08

But it's like, yeah, like I don't like these songs, but I I I'm familiar with more of these songs than uh like than I thought I was, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_04 18:15

Yeah. I don't think I know a single U2 song, dude. I don't. I'm be honest with you. And you know what? I know I'm okay with that. Like even the fucking name sucks. Is this supposed to say the same for something?

SPEAKER_02 18:28

You too. You like shitty music? You too? Yeah, yo you oh you too?

SPEAKER_03 18:31

Wait, that'd be like did did you two ever get me too'd? Because that'd be that'd be like.

SPEAKER_04 18:39

We all got fucked. We all got to'd bro. I got to'd I got to'd I would never nah. I don't think I would go to that concert, dude.

SPEAKER_02 18:47

I wouldn't go to that concert.

SPEAKER_03 18:48

I'm saying I'd call if you were forced to, or if you're like, how the fuck did I I got roofied and I woke up at YouTube?

SPEAKER_02 18:54

If I had a free night and someone gave me free YouTube tickets, I'd call work and say, do you guys need me? Or if not, I gotta go to this thing. But if you need me, let me work.

SPEAKER_04 19:04

Yeah, that's what that was my dad every Mother's Day. Every Mother's Day, that was my dad, bro. Now that I think about it, I need to. You too?

SPEAKER_03 19:11

I need to paint my bathroom the same color it is already.

SPEAKER_04 19:14

Yeah, I think I just sorry it is. Um my wifi went down.

SPEAKER_02 19:20

I can't make it. Uh fucking somebody downloaded fucking a free album on my phone. Oh, that happened to U2? Yeah, yeah. I wasn't even old enough to be pissed off yet, and I was like, who the fuck is U2?

SPEAKER_04 19:33

Yeah, what is this shit? No, I I did piss me off. That was at the time where you had to pay for music. Yeah. And for whatever reason, that U2 album like took priority on the first song that would play. Yep. Yep. So like I paid for music and then they're just like fucking spazzing me with shit that I didn't pay for. Yeah. That made me mad.

SPEAKER_02 19:50

And I think they're British. I think, right? YouTube is British. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Usually, I actually usually like like British bands. Or like English radios.

SPEAKER_03 20:00

You chew.

SPEAKER_02 20:01

You choose too in it a lot. But YouTube, dog shit. I'm not, I'll I don't know. Fuck YouTube, whatever. Who are some other bands you would not go to their concert with? Uh, whoever the guy Youngblood is.

SPEAKER_04 20:13

NBA Youngblood? No, I'd gotta, dude, I'd go to NBA Youngboy concert. You would you would get fucking just beat the shit out of the dog. No, you would if you pulled up to an NBA Youngboy concert. No. Bro, you would get beat the fuck out of it. Dude, everybody knows I'm one of the coolest things. NBA Youngboy would advocate for people to beat your ass. Yo we wouldn't, bro. He would love it.

SPEAKER_03 20:33

If you went to an NBA Youngboy concert, I feel like they would they would think that you're like a protected white boy. Like, oh, he's like a billionaire son. Yeah. Who just fucks with NBA Youngboy. They'll give me the finest of Coke. Yeah, he'd be like, hey, no, we can't. It's kind of like how uh uh Mark Norman had that story about like he was in the hood and they tried to uh they try to protect him because they're like, we can't have a white guy died. Exactly, yeah. You would be crowdserving.

SPEAKER_02 20:59

You can't do concerts no more.

SPEAKER_03 21:01

Yeah, do it. They would just be passing you around the fucking you would be crowd surfing before NBA Youngboy was.

SPEAKER_04 21:08

Have you seen the South Park one where it's uh it's it has like the three religious logos?

SPEAKER_02 21:13

Oh fucking Van Halen.

SPEAKER_04 21:15

Van Halen, he's like like we have to come together and like text together and make the Van Halen logo. Yes, dude. That's NBA Youngboys. NBA Youngboy's NBA Youngboy, yeah, dude. He is a new Van Halen. Uh I wouldn't go to the Bee Gees. The Who? Exactly. What did you say? The Bee Gees. Yeah, I don't even know. Fucking I fucking hate the Bee Gees, dude. I can't stand the Bee Gees.

SPEAKER_02 21:37

What is that?

SPEAKER_03 21:38

You've uh staying alive?

SPEAKER_04 21:40

Oh, that's yeah, dude. They suck, bro.

SPEAKER_02 21:43

Alright, yeah, I mean I don't think I'd go to that one either. I wouldn't do it. Um I wouldn't go to I don't know. What are you talking about?

SPEAKER_04 21:58

Or man's. I wouldn't go to MGK no MG K no. At least at R. Kelly. I'd give M Kelly. I'd go to R. Kelly. I'd sit in the splash zone. I just got back from Schlurmont. If R.

SPEAKER_02 22:10

Kelly, is R. Kelly gonna be in jail forever? Is he gonna get out? Gosh, I hope not. I need to I need to know because if R. Kelly ever did a Trapped in the Closet tour. Dude, I was just a Trappin' Closet tour, I'd fucking I'd go to every city. I'd follow him like the grateful dead. I'd go to every single one. I fucking love Trapped in the Closet so much. The fucking the midget and that fat bitch Bridget. Dude. Oh my god. I used to get drunk and high and just watch that at my mom's house in the living room as loud as possible. It helps too because he could sing. Dude, dude, he could sing his ass off. But just like just random words. Yeah. Random words he'd sing his ass off. It was the best. Someone so talented that they don't have to make sense. Yeah. Track in the closet's probably one of the top 10 musical accomplishments. Oh, Drake in the Closet for sure. Don't free R. Kelly. Free R. Kelly within like a fair amount of time. Free R. Kelly till it backwards. Don't keep him in there forever. Let him do another tour. I don't want to go. But also, he deserves to be there and he should do his time. Yeah, no, he is a bad guy.

SPEAKER_04 23:11

Um he's for sure a bad guy. Did the Dave Chappelle bad guy, good voice. Good voice, bad guy, though. Yeah. Did the Dave Chappelle joke where he's talking about like in his transcript? I'm not even gonna repeat it. No. But Dave Chappelle's like, dude, you gotta be like, this is the best 36-year-old pussy I ever had in my life. So they still would have known he was lying. Everybody knows there's no such thing as good 36-year-old pussy.

SPEAKER_02 23:37

Trust me, I know.

SPEAKER_03 23:38

I I've been I've been watching like a lot of boondocks lately. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 23:42

Just in the background, and the bar is like in the boondocks, didn't they like uh it was like a boondogs come to life moment. Uh whenever R. Kelly got sent to jail, there's people like picketing like free R. Kelly and the Boondocks, didn't that exact same shit happen? Yeah. Like before it happened? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 24:05

They were the yeah, there were Black Simpsons. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 24:12

Uncle Ruckus was the fucking man, dude. You know, when I was in Iceland, they played R. Kelly on the fucking radio.

SPEAKER_02 24:17

They played R. Kelly on the radio in Iceland. Really? Yes.

SPEAKER_04 24:21

Yes. Like when we were in high school, they what even they go play it on the radio? When I was in Iceland. They bat me, eh?

SPEAKER_02 24:27

Give me a guinea. This was last year. They were playing R. Kelly on Iceland radio. That's crazy.

SPEAKER_04 24:34

In Iceland?

SPEAKER_02 24:35

Yeah, like they didn't know. That's nuts. I guess they they weren't up to date on it. Makes sense.

SPEAKER_04 24:40

There's no way you didn't hear me.

SPEAKER_02 24:41

I'll show you a fucking guinea. Dude, give me a fucking new guinea.

SPEAKER_04 24:45

Dude, let's get a let's get guineas. Guineas, boys, come on.

SPEAKER_02 24:47

Actually, save my Guinness. For the 30-minute break, I'm gonna mix a Guinness and a black coffee. And it's gonna be fantastic, and I'm gonna be wired. Dude, it would be nice if it wasn't a 4% beer. God, I'm telling I'm telling you, Guinness, I've done it before. Uh Master's weekend, I went to my mom's house on Sunday morning to finish it. I started the day off with uh a Guinness and uh Americano iced. Dude, the whole rest of the day. I had like uh really good vibes and super high energy.

SPEAKER_04 25:15

I just pulled it out, dude. Of course you did. Was there a kid around?

SPEAKER_03 25:23

Oh, good you didn't spill it. I'm proud of you, dude.

SPEAKER_04 25:27

Guinness is so good.

SPEAKER_03 25:28

It does taste like coffee. That's why it sounds like a paint can at the bottom. You're supposed to shake it.

SPEAKER_02 25:34

I love around Christmas time on the Guinness cans, they put gingerbread houses and snowflakes and all custom. I get so sentimental about a Guinness around Christmas time, dude. I'm not even kidding. I keep my fridge, like I have at least eight Guinnesses at a time. Uh from after Thanksgiving to New Year's, the Guinness in the fridge is never low on stock.

SPEAKER_03 25:56

I thought you were saying you drink eight Guinnesses at a time. Like I said like the Oh, dude, those are the knocking.

SPEAKER_02 26:02

I get very I mean uh during the holidays, Guinness is down the gullet difficulty. I'm just such a Guinness head dude.

SPEAKER_04 26:10

I would do anything to just hear Casey get just Guinness drunk and just hear him argue with his family about what the fuck ever they're arguing about. Uh FaceTime this weekend.

SPEAKER_02 26:20

I'll do a voice memo, a three-hour long voice memo in my pocket.

SPEAKER_03 26:24

I feel like I'm watching like the the development of Randy Marsh. This is funny.

SPEAKER_01 26:30

I've already got the stash.

SPEAKER_02 26:31

It's going to metaphor. And I'm only going downhill beer-wise. Well, you are Randy Marsh. I'm Randy Marsh. I just I've got the older daughter, now I just need to have a young.

SPEAKER_03 26:43

Thank you. Your daughter's gonna be way funnier than Shelly, probably.

SPEAKER_02 26:47

Dude, my daughter is probably gonna be the funniest person that I've ever met in my entire life. She's so fucked. The other day, uh, it was bedtime, and uh we were looking for a toothbrush. I was like, go find your toothbrush. She's like, I don't know where it is. I was like, Where's the last place you had it? She was like, it might be in the dryer. And I was like, it's in the dryer? Why would it be in the dryer? And she's like, it might be literally like I was like laughing hard as fuck. I was like, what do you mean it might be? What the fuck would a dry like a toothbrush in the dryer? Like, what are you talking about? Was it in there? Could be in here. Uh no. But she was like, could be. It might hire brain, right? You never know, yeah. She might be in the Pentagon. Who the fuck knows? But then other times I'd be like, Where's your water? And she's like, upstairs in my backpack, and I'll I'll search everywhere but there, and then look there and it's there. And you just don't trust her? I don't know, dude. She's a mischief. She is she's your kid. She's a mischievous. She's off the grid, dude. She fucks with me. She fucks with me. Dude, today we were playing Rocket League. I looked over, she's coloring her whole belly with orange markers. And I say, Hey, what are you doing? And she said, I'm giving myself tattoos. Uh I taught her tattoos because she always asks, like, what's on me. And then uh I look I play Rocket League a little bit more. And I'm not I'm not being neglectful. She's standing right next to me with all kinds of arts and crafts. She's having a good time. And uh she has her her shorts and her underwear on the floor, and I said, What are you doing? And she said, I gotta go potty. She's been potty training for a year now. And I said, Go to the toilet. She's no go to the toilet. Okay, goes on the toilet. Play Rocket League for a little bit, look back over, she's pouring water all over the fucking carpet.

SPEAKER_04 28:26

Yeah. Upside. Dude, it was so funny. We were playing Rocket League. It's crazy. And he is just being fruit. Like, he's not being neglectful, but he's also not stopping her from doing whatever she's doing. Because every 10 seconds he's like, Yeah, anyway, I'm going for the boy. Reese, what the fuck are you doing? He's like, Reese, what are you doing? I say, what the hell? I tell her what the hell. Oh shit. Yeah, but every 10 seconds he's like, Reese, what are you doing?

SPEAKER_02 28:52

I don't know. I'm raising her as like I it might be uh we're not raising life is about giving yourself enough inconveniences to be distracted from everything that's going on.

SPEAKER_04 29:03

Like how Casey was distracted from Reese. Couldn't focus on Rocket League, dude. It was pissing me the fuck off.

SPEAKER_01 29:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 29:10

Okay, but we were like, we were like, you don't know what Rocket League is, huh? No. Of course you don't. You don't even know what it is?

SPEAKER_02 29:16

Oh, dude, you gotta wake up, dude. You're fucking wake up, dude.

SPEAKER_03 29:19

It's where you drive the cars around. There's like soccer.

SPEAKER_04 29:22

Yeah, it's like soccer. It's like soccer cars. Literally, Rocket League is that soccer cars.

SPEAKER_02 29:28

Soccer cars that and the cars fly.

SPEAKER_03 29:32

Are they at least like low riders? They can be. They can be, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 29:35

Dude, they had a Fast and Furious pack where they had like uh Paul Walker's Nissan in it. That Van Diesel's. Yeah, he was hanging out the window, dead as fuck, dude.

SPEAKER_04 29:43

He's a dude. Yeah. Every time you score, they play it's been a lot.

SPEAKER_03 29:50

One side is Ryan Dunn's car, and then the other side is uh Paul Walker's car. Jesus, dude. Yeah. Ryan Dunn was so cool, was so cool.

SPEAKER_02 29:58

That fucked Bam up, dude. Yeah. Turn Bam into a turn Bam into Phil.

SPEAKER_04 30:05

Turn Bam back to God, dude. He's grinding with Jesus on his skirt now, on his shirt, dude. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 30:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 30:11

Who was uh Vinny?

SPEAKER_03 30:12

It was like a pedophile or what a cousin? Uh Vito. Vito. Don Vito. Don Vito.

SPEAKER_02 30:17

Don Vito got caught doing what he did. I'm not gonna out the boy here. I know him personally. Fan of the show. Don Vito. Come on the pod, brother. Come on the pod. I think he was messaging like a 14-year-old girl.

SPEAKER_03 30:34

It's always a fucking Don. Yeah. Looking like Don Vito and messaging a 14-year-old girl. Dude, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Strictly in the wintertime.

SPEAKER_04 30:44

Jackass is coming out with another film, too.

SPEAKER_02 30:47

Yeah, but it's uh from what I've heard, it's basically like reliving Jackass's highlights with a few new stunts from the new Jackass crew.

SPEAKER_04 30:55

Yeah, they're like 60 now, bro.

SPEAKER_02 30:57

Yeah, they're using the nuke. It's like Jasper from Odd Future. They're just playing laser. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 31:01

Even Jasper's old, dude. Jasper's like 38. Yeah. Yeah, they just have wing.

SPEAKER_02 31:07

They just have uh nothing will be original. Jackass, dude. I mean, they can stop putting out movies. They re-release. I'll tell you what. Whoever works for Jackass, if anybody works for Jack, I don't know how that situation works, re-release into theaters, but make a jackass one through three back to back to back, a six-hour thing. Or really it'd only be like three hours. Yeah, it's but uh do a three-hour thing of just all the jackass movies combined. I'd watch it multiple times. Jackass is the best. That would be of the hammered for six hours. Being an adolescent boy, like this was like before I even tried beer for the first time. I'd see Jackass and say, like, this is like This is what I want to do. I got a faux hawk at middle school because of Johnny Knoxville. I'm not even kidding at all. I'm not even kidding at all. Straight up? Yeah. Johnny Knoxville was like somebody I looked up to when I was 13.

SPEAKER_04 31:57

When you think of Jackass, who is the guy you think of? Johnny Knoxville? Johnny, Johnny Knoxville. It's always Steve for me. Steve Steve.

SPEAKER_02 32:03

Steve was second in line. Steve, well, I had I was big on MTV, so I was watching Wild Boys. So Steve. Yeah, dude. Steve O and Chris Pontius, the two wildest guys on Jackass. Chris Pontius? Chris Pontius? Dude, and what's crazy is Chris Pontius Rich. He like lives in an event, like travels the world.

SPEAKER_04 32:22

They kept on a rookie contract every movie. I'll tell you, Dave England is who really got it. That's who I'm thinking of. I'm thinking of Dave England.

SPEAKER_01 32:28

Chris Pontius was the long-haired guy who was always down to take out his penis. Yeah. Always down to take out his penis.

SPEAKER_04 32:34

I saw that must be a Cole from Ross Creations.

SPEAKER_03 32:37

Dude, that is Cole is Chris Pontius, dude. Party boy.

SPEAKER_02 32:43

Dude, I remember back when it was just a TV show. They like went to Japan and he would just like have on like a ripaway suit and be in like a toilet store in Japan. He'd just rip off his fucking clothes and start dancing. Oh, catch a case.

SPEAKER_04 32:58

But dude's dick was out in like in JC Penney. Yeah. He was like just doing the wildest shit. Yeah, this was back when like JC Penis.

SPEAKER_02 33:07

Oh, dude. Jackass was the same.

SPEAKER_04 33:09

What happened to Dave England? No, he just got fucked non-stop. Remember whenever they like put him in the truck and convinced him that a terrorist was killing?

SPEAKER_02 33:17

That was uh that's Danger Aaron. Is that Aaron the one I'm thinking of? Danger Aaron. Yeah, Danger Aaron, the fucking. I'm getting all the mixed up. Yeah, the guy who got his tooth pulled out by the Lamborghini. Yeah. Danger Aaron. Pew's guy.

SPEAKER_04 33:28

Yeah, that's okay. That's what I'm thinking of, bro. I'm getting all the mixed up. That's my bad on the danger. I just know Johnny Knoxville, Wii Man, and Steve. They would be Marshall.

SPEAKER_02 33:35

I know them all. I watched them all countless times over. I'd watch them. We'd watch them like as a family. Like a broken home. That's a broken movie.

SPEAKER_01 33:43

My mama said that used to get hammered every night. So their movie recommendation was just a jackass movie.

SPEAKER_03 33:49

Watching Jack as a family is such a broken home.

SPEAKER_02 33:52

Dude, I'm telling you, I'm not even like, dude. It's such a broken home. It was a broken home. Yes. This was. But it was my broken home, and it was beautiful, dude.

SPEAKER_01 34:01

It's beautiful.

SPEAKER_02 34:02

Look at how it's been my TV. It's a different thing.

SPEAKER_04 34:07

It's carpet in the kitchen, bro.

SPEAKER_02 34:09

I did it. I grew up watching Jackass, and then once I got old enough to do things, I just kind of did what they did. I'd get fucked up and jump off of stuff or ride a skateboard off of something. Casey saw a jackass and just like fuck this up, dyeing my hair pink and getting on a skateboard tomorrow. Yeah, we used to fucking spray pan ourselves with fucking primer and light ourselves on fire and jump in the pool.

SPEAKER_04 34:27

You did crazy shit. You were a wild boy. Dude, growing up, like whenever I was friends with you, my mom used to like, as much as like I hung out with like you and Ty, my mom hated you and Ty, bro. She like loved you as we got older because like you were a sweet kid around the house. But she was like, every single time I was hanging out with you, she would like to turn your location on, text me every 20 minutes. She thought I was gonna die hanging out with you, bro. I mean, we were bad. We were bad kids, bro. Yeah. That's also like, dude, my bro, I remember one time like they like drug tested me, and I passed, of course. I did no drugs in high school. And um my my parents were so convinced that I was gonna fail that that my dad didn't even believe the negative drug test. He was like, I know I don't know how you did this. He was like, I don't know how you did this, but I know you pulled some shit. I know you got away with this. He made me piss in front of him. He was like, Yeah, he was like, I don't know how you did this, but I know who you hang out with. I know you're doing drugs.

SPEAKER_01 35:19

I was like, Casey. That was your growing ass, uh your growing up jackass Snow with showing your dick to your stepdad.

SPEAKER_04 35:26

Pull it out, piss right in front of me. Dude, my dad's R. Kelly. My dad was R. Kelly, bro. All right, I'm gonna put a piss on my chest. I was like, wait, what's real? Yeah, dude, fuck it. That's not real. I don't believe it. I don't believe it. Take another one. I don't have to piss anymore. Yeah, dude. My uh they were like so convinced that like I was doing like the worst shit because I was friends with you. You should have been. We kept trying to get you. I could go back to Casey and Alan and my buddies like tried to every time they saw me, they were trying to peer pressure me and just doing some shit I should not have been doing at 16 years old. You were just living a dare campaign? Literally every single day if you're like, I was I was still to this day. I'm convinced like if I smoke weed in front of Casey, the cameras are gonna finally pop out and be like, we got him. We finally got him, dude. Dude, we are gonna smoke weed together.

SPEAKER_02 36:12

I can't believe we have not done that yet. No, we smoked weed a couple times together. Oh, we have, we have online. I think was the first time I smoked weed.

SPEAKER_04 36:21

We need to do it just uh just the two. One dude, if I smoke weed with just me and you, I'd probably cry so much, dude. Why, dude? Oh, I'd probably just start talking.

SPEAKER_01 36:31

Oh, dude, that's something about me when I smoke weed is I don't talk at all.

SPEAKER_04 36:34

Dude, that's what I was gonna say. Like, you don't smoke weed enough anymore. No, like the oh, okay. The first time we smoked weed together, we were like watching football at your house. And then you're I smoked weed at my house. Dude, it was that it was that when you looked the when you look down the road from me. Got that. We went over to watch a football game and uh like you put like reached to bed and everything. Was this on the projector outside? No, you had a TV back there. In my room? No, no, no, it was outside in the backyard. You had a TV and like hooked up and you like hooked your laptop up and watched the game and you like daytime. No, it was at night, dude. At night. And you smoked weed, and uh your kid was like a baby, like she was pretty young still. And uh me and Peyton, like, we were in our avid smoking days, like we were smoking a lot together, and you weren't smoking anymore. Did I drink before this? Yeah, and that explains why I have no recollection. You drink before that? Of course, you drink then. Dude, I have to have three beers before I smoke weed, just so you know. So you're like today's week. And uh you just started like pacing around the backyard, like with your hands in your face. Oh, I remember this.

SPEAKER_02 37:32

And you guys were like, uh, you guys said, like, do you want us to leave?

SPEAKER_04 37:34

Yeah, no, did I kind of just like freaking out? I like leaned over to Peyton because you were like pacing around in the backyard. And I like leaned over to Peyton. I was like, You think he's trying to figure out a way to tell us that we we gotta go because like Reese's like crying or something? And then like you just kept walking back at one point you're like staring at the logo bouncing around on the TV, like there's nothing on the TV but the logo bouncing around. And I was like, Yo, Casey, do you need us to like leave, bro? We'll leave. And you're like, No, dude, to be honest with you, I didn't even know I wasn't talking, dude. I'm freaking the fuck out right now. Yeah, that was my first time smoking weed in like four years.

SPEAKER_03 38:06

You're like fucking. I was picturing like he's got like a his uh his like arms behind his back. I think I might have been. Like a Bond villain. Mr. Burns.

SPEAKER_02 38:18

I remember I was I was tweaking for sure.

SPEAKER_04 38:22

Because I used to like the fuck out.

SPEAKER_02 38:24

Growing up, I smoked weed every single day. Every single day. I'd burn through weed. The first time I got like a big boy job and work pipeline, I bought a fucking ounce for all my friends. Like they were like, oh, like we're gonna be able to do it. You were all my children. Yeah, I was like, in two weeks when I get paid, I'm coming back. Like, I won't see you guys for two weeks. And this was a place where I like kind of like lived at. Like I lived in my parents' house, but I would live there for like two weeks at a time. I'd just be in my buddy's house. And uh, I got this job, and I had to quit smoking to get the job. I was like, I'm not gonna see you guys for a while. Don't forget about me. I'll be back in two weeks when I get my first paycheck. I'm buying you guys an ounce. And then I had quit smoking completely. And they hit me up in the two weeks and were like, bro, what's up with that ounce? Oh my god, you fuckers. So I hit up the guy and I was like, bro, can I get a fucking ounce? And I was like, of course. And I bought it and I brought it over there, and then I smoked one night with them and just left the ounce there and never went back. Really? Yeah, just let them have the boy. Yeah, I was like, I told them I was gonna do it. I spent like $300.

SPEAKER_04 39:31

You got ripped the fuck off, dude.

SPEAKER_02 39:33

Yeah, they were they were hungry for it. That's so insane. I had to feed the boys, dude. I had to feed the boys, but I had to you're betting your word. Yeah, I was gonna be I was gonna be gone for a while. I had to throw a bunch of food out for the cats. That's what I was doing.

SPEAKER_04 39:46

Feed the driveway cats, bro. I've literally like when we were growing up, dude, like Casey was was like smoked nonstop. And I had so many chances to smoke with them. And I was talking to with him about this earlier, and I was like, bro, I wish I would have like gone back in time and like smoked weed with you. And he goes, Yeah, but I'm glad you didn't, because like all my friends didn't I used to like smoke weed and do bad shit with. I got to a point in my life where I was like, yo, I can't be friends with you anymore. I'm like fucking up my life.

SPEAKER_02 40:11

Yeah, everybody I used to do bad shit with, I have no communication with at all. Yeah, at all. The only friends I have now are like there's a couple buddies I used to drink beer with, but everybody used I used to like like party with and do drugs and shit. No communication at all.

SPEAKER_03 40:24

Same for me. I would I would uh like freshman year, I would like to skip class and shit. We'd yeah, we would we would smoke. We would smoke weed in the fucking shoplift from Zoomies.

SPEAKER_02 40:36

That was a dream of mine to shoplift from Zoomies. Zoomies used to be like B spots. Zoom's was like Louis Vuitton for us in high school.

SPEAKER_04 40:42

That was that was that was like Louis Vuitton for us in high school.

SPEAKER_02 40:46

Right before like skating got super popular, like two years, probably like two years after I got like good at it, and so there was like all these like Mexican emos and Zoomies, and I'll be like, what the fuck? And I found a local skate shop and started shopping there. But ever since then, Zoomies has been taboo. Yeah, like they still have shit I'll buy, but I'll never go in there and buy this.

SPEAKER_04 41:10

Dude, like every like ever. Every once in a while I'll go into Zoomies and just buy a hacky sack, and that's like all I'd go in there for.

SPEAKER_02 41:14

I would I feel like Kinsey would rather find me like DMing a woman than find a fucking Zoomies receipt in my wallet.

SPEAKER_04 41:24

If Kinsey found a if she found a Zoomies receipt, she'd be like, holy fuck, you relapsed. You're taking pills again.

SPEAKER_02 41:32

No, no, no.

SPEAKER_03 41:38

I probably it's not it's a friend's, it's not mine. No, I had to go pick up a feature hoodie for my friend. What is she 13? Dude. I was I was I was holding a famous Star Wars with stripes hat for my friend.

SPEAKER_02 41:52

Dude, I'll never forget. There was a board I could never get my hands on. I was too young to afford it, and by the time I could afford it, it was not made anymore. Uh, do you guys know the brand Enjoy? Yeah. ENJ OI. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh the skateboard brand. They had a they had a deck, and uh it was just a bunch of cartoon cats. One of them had like an eye patch, one of them had a cigarette, one of them had a beer. And growing up, I was like, dude, I'm gonna get that one day. And then I grew up and then never had it again. And I'm like, still like if I were able to purchase it now, I'd buy it and like literally hang it on a wall. Yeah, like that's it would look sick, it's my favorite board of all time. After this, I'll show you guys the board. It's so sick, dude. But uh dude, I'd kill to have that fucking deck, dude. I'd kill to have it. You would have had you would have got so much puss with that board. Dude, I'm so much puss. But also the thing is, if I can find it now, it'd be better than if I could have found it when I was younger. Because if I was younger and had it, I would have fucked it up. But now, dude, it'd be like, you know, like some people say, like, I'm buying LeBrons and KDs now because I couldn't afford them when I was a kid, so I'm buying what that that'd be my LeBron and KDs. I honestly just need to put in effort. I can probably get it for like 60 bucks.

SPEAKER_04 43:03

You probably could get it pretty cheap. I'll buy it for you for your birthday if I can find it.

SPEAKER_03 43:06

That same guy who got us the roadcaster, I better get it.

SPEAKER_04 43:08

Yeah, he has one in his trunk for sure. Dude.

SPEAKER_03 43:12

Hey man, uh, can you come pick it up? Uh I'm free this afternoon at 9 p.m. This afternoon at 9 p.m.

SPEAKER_04 43:19

That guy was a fucking spaz, bro. He definitely had bills due. Like 100%, bro. Yeah. Yeah, that guy. Gosh, bro, I wish I could go back in time. Still, like, uh even like if I would have did the thing is, is like you can't smoke weed one time because if you smoke weed one time, it's usually the worst experience ever.

SPEAKER_02 43:37

The back in the day, back when like the weed's different now. When everybody was smoking Reggie, like regular weed?

SPEAKER_04 43:44

Good old Reggie.

SPEAKER_02 43:45

The first time you smoked weed, it used to be the first time you smoked, you didn't get hot.

SPEAKER_04 43:47

Yeah, that's what I really said. And then it took like a couple tries to get hot. First time I smoked weed almost killed my whole family, dude. Like, fuck.

SPEAKER_02 43:55

I remember the first time I got hot. Um, I said it a little. Lake with a couple boys. And that was the first time I felt it. And I was like, dude, I'm at the lake with the boys. This is what this is life, dude. And then I was thinking, I was like, why is this the best?

SPEAKER_04 44:09

Dude, smoking weed back in the day when there was no internet and no phones had to be the best. I remember there it was.

SPEAKER_02 44:20

The weed now is no blame. The old weed, if you go to a legal state, so the the percentage of weed used to be like max, like 10%. Yeah. Max. Yeah. And now like the lowest you can get is like 15, 16, 17.

SPEAKER_04 44:36

Yeah, dude they did they literally turn you into that bitch from the commercial, which is like a fucking flat.

SPEAKER_02 44:40

Yeah, yeah. And like I smoke weed from around our area and it fucking it's crazy. I have a crazy like if I if I take a couple hits, it's like fine, but like I'd roll a whole joint for myself and I take a couple hits or I think, oh fuck, yeah, I'll hit him a couple more times. And then I'm fucking like running stairs at my house. Stay off the cover. But back in the day, we there was a shit. We bought a blue dream was a strain from a high schooler's brother. Older brother who also hit me up for money and like threatened to kill me later on. But Joseph. Yeah. Joseph. And I just kind of sick down on him. Yeah. And it was like hard in mind. But uh we smoked this shit at my buddy's house, and my buddy had a pool, and he had parents, so let us do whatever we wanted. They'd go to sleep and then great combination. Whatever, yeah. It was the best, it was a place to be. That's where I used to live, like two weeks out of the month. Um, we smoked that. We decided we'll go skinny dipping in the pool. I'm standing outside of the pool with my tiny dick and balls out, about to jump in, and I hear the back door. The back door opens, and it's my buddy's mom. And she says, she says, What the hell are y'all doing? And I'm like mid-jump into the pool with my asshole. No, facing her. She's eating my dick and balls, jump into a pool. Mid-jump, I finally cover, and then I land in the pool, and then she realizes what's going on, just kind of goes back in and goes to sleep. Oh, they're high. But then I remember thinking, uh, this is the best feeling ever. All dudes, all dudes, yeah. Always all dudes. I don't know what you was saying. That was the best part of it, is like we didn't hang out with the girls. Yeah, we never hung out with girls. So it was just like bro time all the time. It was a frat house without the hose. We were like 16, could just drive. I read the first time I bought weed, about half a gram. Went back, smoked it, I hit the guy up, I said, Let me buy the other one. And then he charged me $10 for the other half because it was late, and I picked it up, rolled it in printer paper, and lit it on a fucking fire in the backyard. Yeah, you just smoked that shit in sticky notes. Yeah, it didn't get high either time. But I don't know, fun times, dude. Fun times. I could talk all day about getting high. I was a good kid, dude. I knew none of that shit.

SPEAKER_04 46:58

Yeah, you were a good kid.

SPEAKER_02 46:58

You drank, you drank.

SPEAKER_04 47:00

I drank. I would drink a little bit, but my dad would like come home from like he would they would have like um they would have like family events like for the plant that he worked at. And like um they would like like sponsor and give a get a fuck ton of liquor, right? And like if there was a lot left over, they'd be like, hey, we can't do anything with this. Like, you need you guys want to take this home, like you can take it home. Bro, one time my dad came home with like 60 bottles of fucking like alcohol, like rum and tequila. And they said, you know, like how how we have the books in the kitchen, like uh like above the cupboards with all the books up there? That's how my house was, but with like bottles of alcohol, like empty bottles? No, they were full, bro.

SPEAKER_03 47:39

That was like a frat uh like a frat house thing. It's just like all the like your trophies.

SPEAKER_04 47:43

But he came home with like 50 bottles of like full bottles of tequila, and they never really touched him. So like every once in a while, if my parents would go out of town, I would invite the homies over. Like just sneak like two bottles and just get fucked up. Yeah. Bro, I remember the first time I got fucked up, it was off Bacardi. And I was like eating hot fries and shit and drinking Bacardi and like doing front flips on the trampoline, bro. I threw up in like six different spots in my backyard.

SPEAKER_02 48:04

Yes, dude. Yes, that was the best. Fucking Bacardi mouth. That's what I love, dude. I love that's why you love drinking it. Yeah, Tuesday night, like, alright, chill, like have dinner. Yeah. Put the put the girl to sleep, Gunzi falls asleep, go out in the garage, get a fucking cool slide. Yeah, bro. Chug it by the mini fridge before bed, yeah. Sprint back to the bedroom and go lay down. Sprinting on a on a chug course light. That's man, it's something.

SPEAKER_04 48:34

It is crazy, like getting like still drunk, like still to this day, like you get drunk enough and you think you're still the prime athlete that you were as a kid. Dude, yes. And you're like, bro, we gotta go on the fucking concrete park in the backyard and just toss the football. Yeah. Dude, yeah. Fuck, dude, it's the best. It's the best. That's why they call it up with courage. Because you just get you get confident enough to just fuck your life up and do some crazy shit.

SPEAKER_02 48:56

That's the the only way, if unfortunately, like we're gonna try to stand up, obviously. I have to be hammered. Exactly. And that's the thing is if if we like it, we're gonna have to uh we're gonna have to be hammered every single time. Go there and mumble about uh fucking killed, absolutely killed my fucking uncle He told me one time Just some fucking bullshit. Uh yeah, but I'm definitely I mean, I don't know. I'm gonna have to drink a lot beforehand.

SPEAKER_04 49:25

Oh, I might have to get though. Fucking just I don't know if I'm not gonna get sloshed. I don't know if I was like Blitzkrieg, but I definitely would get tipsy enough to be like, ah, I don't give a I don't care if I bought it.

SPEAKER_02 49:34

Yeah, I'm gonna get like drunk enough to where if I was single, I'd have talked to a lady. That's how drunk I'm gonna get. I've never been that drunk, dude.

SPEAKER_04 49:40

I've been so scared in front of the ladies, dude. I used to let them come to that's like fishing, bro. I don't like my bait, fuck it.

SPEAKER_02 49:48

I think uh I think two beers an hour is a really good ratio for two hours, four beers beer math again. Yeah, dude. Four beers in two hours is like prime like social event. Yeah, four beers and two hours because you're you're at a level where nobody's like this guy's fucked up. You just think like, oh, this guy's fucking awesome. Yeah, at least that's what it is in like in my head when I'm talking to people, and like this guy probably thinks I'm awesome.

SPEAKER_01 50:14

Oh no, dude, your dad definitely thought I was awesome.

SPEAKER_04 50:17

No, he definitely did. He came over to me, he was like, dude, I wish I would have abandoned him for 15 years. Dude, if you were more like Casey, I would have stuck around.

SPEAKER_02 50:25

Oh gosh.

SPEAKER_04 50:26

Dude, because I imagine like my dad was how you were in high school. Like he had hair down on his ass, was smoking weed and drinking beer, like just doing crazy shit. Skinny dipping with dudes. No, skinny dipping with dudes, dude. It was a frat party every fucking weekend.

SPEAKER_02 50:40

Yeah, your dad is the man.

SPEAKER_04 50:44

He's the man.

SPEAKER_02 50:45

Dustin.

SPEAKER_04 50:46

He's the fucking man, dude. Carson's the fucking man, too, dude. He's the boy. He's gonna Carson is the boy. Well, you know what? Carson's the boy, so he's not the man yet. I cannot get that guy to drink beer with me.

SPEAKER_01 50:57

Exactly.

SPEAKER_04 50:57

I've met him, I didn't meet him, but I got caught back up with him like last year.

unknown 51:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 51:02

Every single time I've seen him, I've tried my hardest to peer pressure on him to take a sip of beer with me. I've yet to see him put his lips on a can, dude. I've yet to have it might be a while. I'm gonna spike that boy.

SPEAKER_02 51:12

I mean beer's an acquired taste. They are an acquired taste. I mean, I remember thinking beer tastes like shit.

SPEAKER_04 51:17

Dude, I was 12 drinking, dog. Yeah. I went 11 years without drinking one time. What happened? Turn 12. Exactly. Exactly. Now he's gonna come around, dude. He's gonna come around. It's only a matter of time that dude's gonna we're gonna be fucked up together. I'll probably be 50 by the time it happens. Of course.

SPEAKER_02 51:36

Probably next year. He just has to wait till like uh one of his friends do it and then he'll try it.

SPEAKER_04 51:40

I think all of his friends are doing it. Because his friend is I played like Ark with him and one of his friends.

SPEAKER_03 51:45

Maybe his friend was talking.

SPEAKER_04 51:46

He might be.

SPEAKER_03 51:47

Alright, you played what with him? Ark? Arc Raiders? Your back was arced on that cake topper slogan. Oh, dude. Yeah. Dude, come on. All right, no, why'd you allow that? Damn, I thought it was funny. Alec had the craziest cake topper. I'll drop a picture. Of all time. A picture will be. You know what's funny? There was a moment during the party amidst how unbelievably stoned KC was. I was like, hey, did you get a picture of the cake topper? He's like, you know I did. Did you get one? Yeah, dude.

SPEAKER_02 52:17

That was what uh with David, and he's like, dude, what the fuck? And I was like, Wow. Dude, the bag is arched. Dude, yeah. Arched bag dog collar. Let me find out you guys are furring around. Come on, dude. Come on, man.

SPEAKER_03 52:35

I've never opened that closet. I feel like it's just all tails. It's just raccoon tails. Don't open that closet.

SPEAKER_02 52:39

You're gonna see fucking Scooby-Doo's head fall out of there. Don't open that closet, bro.

SPEAKER_03 52:44

Y'all have like a denim gimp suit apparently. And my gagball.

SPEAKER_02 52:51

We thrifted this one, though. Sex denim probably gets so fucking disgusting. It's not that bad. That's not like a latex, you can like kind of like, or what is it? What is it that they wear? Is it latex? Yeah. Latex suits or whatever. You can kind of just like spread that off with a oh is denim. Like, you gotta throw that motherfucker in the water. Denim has memories. Yeah, dude. If I was fucking in denim, I'd take that bitch to the dry cleaners. You don't need to starch it.

SPEAKER_03 53:12

All the cum inside of it just makes it stand straight up. Yeah, dude, you're gonna be able to do that.

SPEAKER_04 53:16

If you're wearing denim, you're not coming, bro. You're not coming if you're a sex denim kind of guy. Yeah, talk to me nice, brother. I've cam in denim before. Shit, dude. Fuck all that black noise, dog. Black noise. That's how I fall asleep too bro. People just arguing on Waffle House.

SPEAKER_02 53:33

Fucking What happened? Gas station noises. I don't know. Pro and Rocket League? I think I'm gonna go pro in Rocket League. No, you're not. Probably not. Probably never.

SPEAKER_04 53:45

If I figure it out by now, I'm not gonna figure it out.

SPEAKER_02 53:47

No, exactly. I mean you'd have to rededicate your whole life to go pro in Rocket League, and also it's not very lucrative either. You think it's dead now? Rocket League is super dead now. There's people that play casually, but competitive Rocket League is pretty dead. You think so? Yeah, when I was uh like back in the day, I used to see like pro tournaments like on my Twitter feed. I don't I don't see it. When's the last time you heard Squishy's name? The best Rocket League player of all time. When's the last time you heard his name? I guess never. When's the last time you heard Tom Brady's name? Yes or he's been out of the league for four or five years now. Roast to get away. He's out of the league, you still hear about him. Squishy.

SPEAKER_04 54:18

He's still doing it, bro. Yo, Tom Brady, like, do you think does he write his own jokes for like the roasts? No. No. Nobody on the roast writes their own jokes.

SPEAKER_03 54:26

That's why I hated that. So it was like You didn't like the roast? I didn't like his bit.

SPEAKER_02 54:29

Dude, Gillis barely wrote his own jokes. Yeah, he had uh uh Nick Mullen was in his writing room and then uh a bunch of other guys. All the black guys were like super small.

SPEAKER_03 54:39

It was very weird. Shane uh Shane Gillis being like, well, that was fucking annoying. That was my exact. I was like, holy shit, that's so good. I I could not wait for Tom Brady to get off the screen.

SPEAKER_02 54:47

Yeah, dude, it's literally it looked like a choreographed dance, but like verbal. Like it was fucking dog shit. I thought it was good. No, Tom Brady sucked cocktails. Tom Brady rocks if like you're already three beers deep and go, oh dude, they're fucking Tom Brady. Yeah. But then you remember the last year's roast was Tom Brady. Every dude from Boston was tripping. I I literally I think Nikki Glazer probably writes Tom Brady's jokes. Nikki Glazer is fucking she's the goat, dude. She's good at writing, she's good at writing like girl jokes, and that's kind of what Tom Brady does. It's like, I'm the best, and you fucking suck.

SPEAKER_03 55:18

It was just weird coming from the guy who like visually got so offended last year. He's like, This is not a funny guy. Yeah, dude, it's clearly not his jokes.

SPEAKER_04 55:24

He pulled up the Tony Hitclip talking about don't say that shit again. Oh, sit your dad, sit your ass down, dude. Yeah, when he was making fun about uh the the owner. Oh, Robert Kraft. Yeah, Robert Kraft, dude. About getting him getting a hand job, whatever the fuck it was. Yeah, happier things at the moment. Which also like getting a hand job is like the most mafia shit of all time. That's so sick.

SPEAKER_02 55:43

Dude, you're the owner of the New England Patriots, just go fuck somebody.

SPEAKER_04 55:47

Oh, dude. I could do that.

SPEAKER_02 55:48

What are we doing with the Orientals and handjobs? Like I get maybe they offered it to him and he was like, Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 55:55

Yeah, fuck it.

SPEAKER_02 55:56

But I heard it was like a ring. Like a ring of hand jobs. Really? A heed ring? Like a uh massage parlor sex ring or something like that. It wasn't just like this guy got jerked off. It was like there's some kind of sex ring going on.

SPEAKER_04 56:10

It all just kind of disappeared. Casey always knows a scoop, bro. I This is old scoop, bro.

SPEAKER_02 56:15

Casey always knows a scoop. It's strictly a hand.

SPEAKER_03 56:20

All these bitches just look like Popeye.

SPEAKER_04 56:22

I can tell. You got strong hands, girl.

SPEAKER_02 56:26

Robert Kraft's eyes are also squinted because he's all the shit. So they're all the same.

SPEAKER_04 56:32

That's good. I don't know, dude. I think I I still think Tom Brady was alright. You guys were annoying. I mean, Tom Brady's the man, but he's not funny. Uh no, but like it's a look if it even like reading a joke like your cadence could suck. I thought like his cadence was okay. Because someone can write a really fucking good joke for you, you just might not be able to say it.

SPEAKER_02 56:54

The whole first like 10 to 15 minutes of the Kevin Hart roast was like completely, you could tell it was all scripted. Like the Usher thing where he came out and sang the song and Kevin Hart acted like Usher wasn't gonna come out and sing a song. Yeah. Followed by Tom Brady coming out, the guy from last roast sang a bunch of shit that they're like, eh. Alright, fine, fuck. I don't know, but maybe I was just like. Once that was over, I started I turned it on and I said, Oh my god, this shit sucks. Really? What the fuck am I watching? Damn, dude. And then once once the ball got rolling, I was like, okay, alright, this is better. This is kind of what more of what I expected. Um but yeah, the first 15 minutes was fucking unwatchable.

SPEAKER_04 57:31

That sucks. I enjoyed it.

SPEAKER_02 57:33

The Usher thing sucked dick and balls. That was a whole thing.

SPEAKER_04 57:39

Anytime there's any type of sing song dance, bro, get it the fucking gather.

SPEAKER_02 57:43

I'm sorry, dude.

SPEAKER_04 57:44

Anytime there's any time of like sing song dance bullshit, I'm like, alright, let's fast forward to this. I didn't like the Usher thing, but I'll just talk about the jokes all around. Like, they're at least they're good. Jump Cody would have gone up there and bombed. He didn't sound like he bombed.

SPEAKER_02 57:55

Well, nobody's gonna not laugh at what Tom Brady's saying, especially when they have signs to say, applause or laugh or whatever. Because they definitely do. It's on Netflix. They're not gonna let the shit bomb. They're not.

SPEAKER_04 58:05

Dude, you're definitely watching football this time around because every Thursday when we record, we're gonna have the game on, dude. Fuck the producer. I'm cool with that.

SPEAKER_03 58:12

I'm cool with having it. I liked having the game on whenever we started. I just like I didn't know the player. Like I obviously know the sport. I played it for, you know, since like fucking fifth grade or whatever. Yeah. No, no, you know the sport.

SPEAKER_02 58:23

It's such a fun time to know the sport. The NFL. There's not a like the the Chiefs, their their reign of like being the Kansas City. Like there's no true dynasty right now. Everything is up to you. You don't think if Andy Reid stays there, they still do pretty good? I mean, you got Mahomes coming off of a serious muscle tear. I don't think he's playing this year. Mahomes? I don't think so.

SPEAKER_04 58:47

He's on track to play week one. No motherfucking way. He tore his ACL pretty late into the season. He's on track to play week one. There's no way, dude. He's gonna tore us over.

SPEAKER_03 58:56

Dude, they they gave him like some some fucking South Koreans like ACL. Can we talk about some North Koreans ACL on the on the Blackboard?

SPEAKER_02 59:04

When was the last time I was not in the fantasy championship? I don't like to toot my own horn about anything. Except fantasy football. Dude, fantasy football.

SPEAKER_04 59:14

I You would think he like pays his bills off of fantasy football, dude. The guy's gonna be a good idea.

SPEAKER_02 59:19

I was telling my coworkers, like, you don't know about it. I told him uh a little bit embarrassing, but I told him, like, I am the best fantasy football player in the South Houston area. Yeah, you know he got CTV from playing fantasy football. I do. The amount of beers I've consumed have made me retarded. Uh due to due to football. Dude, dude, you know about watching the Dallas Cowboys. Oh gosh. Dude, is dude, it's a full like if they ever go to the I'm I'm not saying they will. I'm not saying they won't. If they ever go to the Super Bowl, I'm praying for you. I'm not having a watch party. I'm not watching with I'm going to watch it by myself. I'm sending my family elsewhere. I'm gonna sit in my living room and watch it by myself, like a season finale of my favorite show. Are you gonna cry if they win? Dude, I'll cry if they fucking win, lose. Like if they make it to the Super Bowl, I'll cry. Dude, there's nothing more that I want. I and this is it's very specific. I want to see Dak Prescott win a Super Bowl. Dude, I would. If they do it without Dak, I don't know if it's Dak is the dude, bro.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:21

I do not want to see. Ever since you said like if Dak was in Houston, we would have gone to the Super Bowl. I don't think you're lying, bro. I think you would think 100% we would have made it.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:29

The 100%. Defense wins championships. If you have top that quarterback, can we say that the Dakotas? Dak defense last year might have been one of the best defenses of all time. It was the number one defense in the league that year. It's probably top seven, top seven of all time. I'll give it I'll give it top ten, top, and I'll name it seven. Secondary alone, the linebackers okay. Dude, they call it the first one. Defensive fronts are crazy, and the secondary is wild. The linebackers is the only thing that's not top ten, but everything else is one or two. Yeah, but secondary, yeah. Dude, and it's been since the Legion of Boom that I've seen a secondary hit like that, and I appreciate, dude, I I'm no fan of Houston sports aside from the Rockets. You don't fuck the Astros? The Astros are cool. I watch playoff baseball. I'm not really a big baseball head. I like basketball, football, I like soccer. Um, but I'm mostly just a football guy. Oh, yeah. Year-round football guy. I watch baseball, playoffs, basketball, playoffs. I'll try to watch a game every once in a while, but there with with seasons that long, it's got to be playoffs for me for it to mean anything for me to want to watch it. Hundred game seasons, uh, it's tough. But football, uh, as a Dallas fan, watching Houston's defense, uh, obviously I was just fucking overzealous about it because our defense sucked absolutely cock the past two years. They were just smacking the fuck out of people.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:52

Dude, Houston's Houston was disgusting. Every time they threw the ball, the quarterback was like, oh, this shit might get picked up. Yeah, I'm talking about it was it would imagine like Ed Reed at every secondary position. That's what it was like, dude.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:04

I'm telling you, more than that. It was like DBs hitting like Ray Lewis. Like Ray Lewis. I'm talking about somebody goes up for the ball. If anybody leaves their feet for a ball, they're getting fucking smacked. Dude, they were calling the bigger. I don't know his first name. What's his last name? Lassiter.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:21

I don't remember his first name either. Is it Brian Lassiter?

SPEAKER_02 1:02:24

Something. That boy's crazy. Raised.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:29

I think it might be a safety. It might be a safety.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:32

It's some form of DB. But then you also got Stable Lockdown LSU, bro. Lockdown LSU DB. Can't go wrong. Lassender.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:40

Lassender, yeah. Lassender. Is it a Kareem Lassiter? I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:43

I don't want to say any first names because it's going to be racist if I guessed. Oh, okay. All right. But I'm telling you, that boy was fucking hidden. Dude, yeah, but also Bullock was hidden people too. Bullock was nasty. Bullock was hitting Petrie. Petrie made the Guardian cap look nice. Bro, Petrie and Stingley. That's the best cornerback duo in the league. Probably the best in the past. They just got a white boy. Petrie was turning out. That's what I'm saying. Now they have a ball hawk white boy safety. That's the the best the best safety duo you can have is a white guy who can hawk down the ball and a black dude that can hit somebody.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:19

Oh, dude.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:20

Look at it. Look at Philly. Look at Philly. Their safeties were good. Now they're not, because what's his name left?

SPEAKER_03 1:03:26

Who's that Bronco safety that was like just like always like pretty good? John Lynch?

SPEAKER_02 1:03:31

Lynch was nice. Um that was a while back, right?

SPEAKER_04 1:03:34

Yeah. I know old ball, dude. Old ball, dude. Bro, Hughie knows the oldest of balls. I'm telling you, uh he was always a 91 overall. As far as safety's good. He was playing arcade madden, though.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:47

He was playing arcade madden at Barrier Raceway. I remember uh I mean as a Cowboys fan watching, I got to watch Dak and Zeke Elliott go against the Legion of Boom. The last year of the Legion of Boom.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:58

Legion of Boom was nasty.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:59

Dude, Cam Chancellor and Zeke. One time, and then Cam Chancellor locked in the rest of the game and started hitting the fuck out of everybody.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:10

Cam Chancellor was a scary motherfucker.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:12

Yes. Yes, scary dude. That's uh I'm I'm retired from Madden Ultimate Team.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:18

Retired from it because I spent way too much money on it. But one card I always made sure I had was any Cam Chancellor strong safety card. It was it was in the pocket. As much real dollars as I had to spend, that motherfucker was on my team, bro. I dude, I miss both of the teams. Dude, I have the nastiest team. You want to say and I did uh I did theme team. So if you did uh theme team is where if you use everybody from the same team, you get extra points towards a couple. So I'd always do a Cowboys theme team. I was rocking Troy Aikman, Michael Irvin, CeeDee Lamb, uh Emman Smith. I was I was running all Cowboys, Darren Woodson.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:56

Um the only thing that smacks harder than uh than Cam Chancellor is uh Kool-Aid pineapples in the black community.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:04

Dude, Kool-Aid pineapples in the back. All right, all right. I'm allergic to this.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:09

I'm allergic to this. Sorry, that was a that was a hard lob. That was like uh that was not a that was not a uh that was a layup.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:17

Well, we're talking about the best of the best, so we gotta bring up the best of the best pineapple Kool-Aid Megasuit.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:22

That was not a white chocolate lob. I just fucking launched that at you.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:25

I'm assuming you guys are familiar with this. You might not be, but there's uh there's an epidemic going around in the the wards of your city.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:34

We're not worried about henta virus, it's something entirely different.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:37

Yeah, this is uh Kool-Aid pineapples. I'm sure you've seen it. I'm sure you've seen it at least one time. You might have scrolled past it, you might have stuck around, and you might have an algorithm like mine where it's the only thing you see. But people are soaking pineapples in Kool-Aid. And when I say people, I mean people. Mormons. It's Mormons, right?

SPEAKER_03 1:05:56

It's Mormons that we're talking about, correct? Yeah. They're doing a different type of soaking. They do look kind of good, dude. They look delicious.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:04

It's not Mormons. But that uh they're arguing who makes the best Kool-Aid pineapple. And let me tell you, Kool-Aid pineapples is just a can of pineapples. They pour Kool-Aid on it, they let it sit for 24 hours and it's ready to go. Is it fresh pineapple? No. It's pre-canned pineapple.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:23

Oh, really? You could just pre-canned pineapple. You can just win by using fresh pineapple.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:28

Let me tell you the recipe. There's uh at Sam's Club, they sell like a big thing of uh glass canned pineapple that goes in the fridge. It has pineapple juice, pineapple, pineapple spears, like pickles, but pineapples. Okay. They take that, they pour out the pineapple juice into a pitcher, right? They put Kool-Aid powder, like 87 spoons of sugar, and then they pour the pineapple juice back into it. And they say Kool-Aid pineapple. They let it sit for 24 hours in the fridge, and they say this is it. This is the recipe. We're gonna sell this now. $17 a fucking thing. Uh dude, I mean, we're talking you can get weed cheaper than you get these pineapples. But they're selling them in the hood uh for cash, and they're just slapping a label over the top of it, and it says pineapples by Keisha or whatever the fuck it says.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:21

Casey said, entrepreneurship, it's just what they're selling and who they're selling, like who's selling it. Lashes by Tiana.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:37

But there so there's there's one recipe for it, and they're saying nobody's doing it like I am. What do you mean? Who's not doing it like you are? Because I think everybody's doing it just like you are. Um I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:52

I put I put my secret. I put 88 teaspoons of sugar.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:59

This actually, dude, I don't even know. I'm I'm still kind of workshopping. Your whole fucking you're you like sent me a video. We need to get a DLI page before the pineapple epidemic is gone, because I feel like I could really do some work. Uh like, especially in Houston, because I've DM'd multiple accounts, they're all based out of Houston. I've I've hit up multiple. Can I pick this up from you? Yeah. $5 flat delivery fee. Oh, $5 flat, no matter where you are. That's honestly fair, gas. Right, right. Uh I DM'd a couple guys. I looked up uh Kool-Aid Pineapples Houston, DM'd a couple guys. I was gonna try to get some for the episode, couldn't do it. Well, if you would have pulled up with something about spine.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:39

Other houses are just sticky as fuck.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:41

At $17 a can, I could just make it.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:44

You really should have just made it, but you brought pineapples by Casey, dog.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:47

Yeah, pineapples by Casey. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I'll put a little bit of cooler design. Well, spiked pineapple.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:56

Is pineapples by K C, but is K-A-Y-C-E-E. Dude, that was funny.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:01

Like Casey he sent me like a screen recording of his timeline, like scrolling up, and like every one of the videos they're like, they not doing it right. And the next one was like, mm-mm, they not doing it right. Like everybody's claiming they have the best pineapple.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:12

Yeah, this is the biggest black woman you've ever seen eating pineapple off of the trunk of her car in one of the wards. Yeah, like they're always at a gas station. Every one of them is always at a gas station. Dude, there's not a there's not a better, more fun person than somebody eating pineapple off the hood in their car in the third ward. There's not. There's not. And also, I've met them. I do want to try one. Dude, they're the best. The best people, best, I'd assume the best Kool-Aid pineapples. I'd have to say. The only Kool-Aid pineapples, I don't know anywhere else in the fucking world they're making. It's them.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:49

They know how to do the desserts, dude.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:51

They do do desserts very well.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:52

Very, yeah, heaping spoonfuls of the sugar. I would try one, though. I want I do want to try one, but you gotta get a hold of whoever it is you need to get a hold of next episode, but we gotta try this shit on camera. 713 Pineapples.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:03

That'd be like if there was like a like a like a black curl component. Like a black restaurant. That'd be like the ideal dessert at uh at Goutback Steakhouse. Yes, dude.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:19

Oh my god. He was on a heater today, dude. Yeah, yeah. He's throwing out jugs. You're fucking you're special. He's doing good. Trying to get on stage. This fucking open mic's got you feeling crazy. Brand new, dude. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:30

Right. In case you ask, like, did they let you get a walkout song?

SPEAKER_02 1:10:35

Well, dude, I was just a cheese keep all day. He barely gave me a microphone. What the fuck? Dude. Dude, I think on my first open mic, I'm just gonna perform a song of my choice. I think it'd be very funny to go to like an open mic and completely like disrespect the fuck out of like the whole comedy scene and just like. You guys are fucking losers. You guys, yeah. You guys think you're fucking funny? I've been listening to this shit for two hours. I laughed one time. I drink laughing. I'm drunk as hell. I came here for the free drinks. You guys are fucking bombs, dude.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:04

I will say it was two dollar PBR night. Oh, dude. What night is this? What night is this?

SPEAKER_02 1:11:13

Dude, I'm signing up, and when they call my name, I was like, nah.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:17

It was like you're saying like you would have to get hammered to go? Like that was almost the only choice because I was just I was waiting so long. Were you pretty drunk?

SPEAKER_02 1:11:26

Is this so this is uh on a Wednesday night they do $2 PBR nights and then one minute two and a half minute open mic?

SPEAKER_03 1:11:32

Oh, you can actually get five if you want to. You can get a whole five. Alright. Whole five, dude. So alright.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:37

That's like sex. So we originally planned on doing the weekend of the White House fight, the Sunday after the fight. Red What is it called? What? Uh this is a place that used to do Sundays. Uh Axel Rad. They don't do Sundays anymore. So we're gonna have to do it on a Wednesday night.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:55

Wednesday night. Actually, we can actually kill we could actually knock out two. You can do the one minute thing at the right. And then literally afterward, drive five minutes. Secret group.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:10

Alright, so we need to find a Wednesday night where everybody can Well, I mean, I might be the other one who has to like take off work.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:18

That's tough for you.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:19

Well, it's not tough for me because I can just tell them, like, hey, I'm not coming. If I if I know a week in advance, I'm good. So I can spend my Wednesday night in downtown, wake up Thursday morning at Huey's place and drive home the next day or whatever the fuck happens. Um it's it'd be it'd be super easy for I want to do it very soon. I don't want to wait anymore. I wanna do it, bro. I'm gonna get it. I'm sitting on so much shit that I'm gonna do. You do have so much shit, dude. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:49

Well, you are like you come up with a new bit. Like every time we record, it's like fuck that's a that's a good bit.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:55

With my job with with plumbing, going in other people's house and like literally like living in other people's ecosystems. I'm I'm able to put myself in so many other people's shoes mentally that like I can like picture what it'd be like to be here, there, there. Like I'm in I'm in rich people's houses, I'm in the poorest, the poor people's houses, I'm in middle class houses.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:16

Sometimes I'm just like outside in the field, like a this this Mexican. This is gonna sound lame because I'm gonna I sound like I'm gonna glaze you guys a little bit. I don't know, maybe cut this part or whatever. But I I knew I knew like I I I had one, I have the most like access to the comedy scene. There's really not that much shit like out here. Um and also like I'm the oldest one, you know? Like but I feel like oh like alright, if I do it, I need to get them to do it. Cause I know for like for sure, like like y'all would like crush it at the shit. Like I could see you being like a really good fucking crowdwork guy. Yeah, and then just and then you would just develop bits off of like conversations you have with people.

SPEAKER_04 1:14:02

I can't write jokes, I'm funnier conversation-wise.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:04

But you would get the inspiration, like, oh, that's a bit. I developed a bit organically. KC is like the Neil Brennan type shit where like he would he's like uh he would think of the sketches, the bits, yeah, and then you maybe play off of like people later, but it would come from like an initially just like the seed of an idea. Yeah. And like I need like I was like, I need to do this shit that way they fucking do it.

SPEAKER_04 1:14:28

Well, fuck the you have to ban that. Now I have to.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:30

I'm telling you, uh earlier today, every day, every Thursday, basically when mine is only on the podcast and mostly on YouTube. I think about you guys, uh, not in a gay way, but in like a friendly way like a friendly way where I think, like, oh wait, I like today's Thursday, I get to hang out with my boys. Yeah, it is. And uh I was thinking like if we fucking if anybody, if any one of us got like bigger than the other, I would hope that we would all like Adam Sandler just being everything like that.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:03

I'm straight Elon Musk into the moon, dog fuck both you all.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:06

And like I I all I did like I doubt myself every single time. Like, if I don't doubt myself, I'll fail. I have to doubt myself this exactly.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:13

You like reverse psychology yourself.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:15

I have to. And I think like I don't know, I don't know. But uh if on the off chance I ever fucking did anything, I wouldn't do anything without the both of you guys. Yeah, I'm gonna do it. Like I'd say I say no to everything. Because I have a career path. So like I can say like fuck this, and I'll be okay. Like, I'm I'm not gonna, I'll live comfortably. Yeah, I'll be fine. I don't I don't need comedy to fucking save my life. Like, I'm not swimming at roaches in my fucking kitchen. Like I everything is fine. I'm just doing this for fun. Yeah, it's what it is, yeah. But the same as you two, guys.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:51

Like, uh, because like I'm looking bro, Pink keeps telling me, like, dude, I hope you get a job, I hope you get a job, and in the back of my head, I'm like, dude, I kind of fucking hope I'm just gonna do it.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:57

If you get a job, you're fit.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:58

Fuck, dude.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:59

If you get a job, you can't even make jokes anymore. You're just gonna have to talk about numbers. Oh, it looks like the plant might catch on fire. Fuck, dude. I'll get an interview. What if I smoke weed right before I go in there? Uh the moral of the story is like uh I wouldn't do anything without you guys. Like, I'm not gonna do, I'm not gonna go do stand up without the two. I'm not gonna go with myself. Everything I do, I'm gonna do with you two.

SPEAKER_04 1:16:20

Yeah, but fucking Huey lives next door, so it's easy for him. Like, I'm not going with you. I would do it, I would pull it out.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:24

I wouldn't even I wouldn't be on this podcast if it weren't for you two. I'll do RTB for like dude. RTB for fucking weird. I'm sitting here talking like we're fucking also you guys fucked me on the chairs, but whatever. Whatever. Um I'm sitting here talking like we have a hundred thousand subscribers. We have 115 subscribers, but I'm having so much fun. I'm having a good time. Yeah, no, this is the best. This is the highlight of my week every single week on a Thursday, dude. How rare. All right, yeah. It used to be Buffalo Wild Wings. Now it's it's this.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:54

That was uh I was talking to one guy like uh backstage, and he was talking about like you got your people out there, like you got your people on the crowd. I'm like, nah, I'm like solo dolo. Nobody's gonna see me. He's like, that's kind of crazy. But honestly, uh like I would I think that's a better move. He's like, I've seen a dude like come up here, like, oh, I'm gonna do my first time. He probably 15 people with him. You know, you know, I'm like, that's true.

SPEAKER_04 1:17:17

You really could have lied though. She could be like, dude, I killed, I fucking crushed it because like nobody was with you to fucking back your story up.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:24

I've been thinking, um I had some awkward moments in there for sure. Watch a lot of movies as far as stand-up goes. If if you can be a decent actor, like you can be a really good stand-up. Yeah, you just have to be a good actor. And that's it. Yeah. I mean it's like the norm McDonald's. You have to have the funny joke that has to be there, but then you also have to be a good actor.

SPEAKER_04 1:17:45

Yeah, you have to present it. Yeah, you know what I mean? That's why there's ghostwriters and there's rappers.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:49

Exactly.

SPEAKER_04 1:17:50

Because like you might be really fucking good at writing the joke, but you can't say it.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:53

The funniest people ever are getting stuck writing shit for SNL that they completely botch or fuck up. Have you s you know I'm not gonna bring up it? It fucking sucks cock, but there's really funny ideas that could just turn to shit. Yeah, because you can't deliver. Like, I can see like the idea behind it, and I can see like the the people they have on there that just can't deliver and they're not funny. Yeah. And they write these really funny bits that people obviously edit and like make TV friendly, and then that fucks it up, and then the people doing it fuck it up, and it's like it's it's really theory theater kids like trying to be funny. It fucking sucks cock. It's terrible. Even like when when Shane Gillis goes on there, like the ideas are very funny, but like the supporting cast sucks dick, so it's like hard to laugh at. Like some of it's funny, but most of it's like fuck, this fucking sucks. This is a fucking bit on Gillian Keys to be funny as hell. That's it's not funny here.

SPEAKER_04 1:18:44

That's why I like what we're doing, like just like our own thing on like YouTube.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:47

Well, yeah, yeah, I like off the cuff stuff because it's like the most genuine. Like you have a funny idea, and then you branch off and branch off and branch off. And that's how like that's how to me, that's how jokes are made. Yeah, branching off of how bits are made. Like you think about something funny somebody said all day, and you think it'd be funnier if it was like this. It'd be funnier if uh somebody like that said it. You know what I was thinking about all day, too.

SPEAKER_04 1:19:10

It's the funniest shit ever. It's fucking Donovan after you sent um that shit about the pineapples, you sent the screen recording, and I was like, this is worse than Donovan's timeline. Yeah. And Donovan's like, no, it's not. And you sent a screen recording of his timeline, and it's literally like the most retarded people on the planet. It is the incredible dude. It's terrible. It's just like the the concept of like somebody who's about to be a dad, like their child starving to death on the couch because their dad's drooling on himself watching other retards, bro.

SPEAKER_03 1:19:38

Like, it's like I can't believe you spent your time watching this shit. He is like, it's like, it's it's it's like Walmart algorithm. Like, it's terrible, bro.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:46

Instagram got me so bad today. It was uh they were in a high school bathroom, they let a mentally challenged kid to hit the weed pin, and he like hit it, blew out the smoke, and like danced off into the sunset. And it was it was funny. Like a I mean, honestly, I was kind of I'm not gonna lie, I was kind of sad at the video. I was like, they just fucked up this kid, bro. They fucked up this kid's whole day. He's gonna probably have like a manic episode. No, he's gonna start talking clearly. Yeah, somebody's gonna have it. But then the top comment was the teachers will never suspect a thing. It made me laugh so hard, dude. I screen recorded it, saved it to my camera roll. Kinsey got home, I was like, look at this comment on this video. I was like, This this video is kind of sad, but like, look at the comment. Dude, I was fucking tweaking about the for an hour and a half. I was obsessed with a retarded kid hanging on weed pin. And then the teacher being like, It's fucking retarded.

SPEAKER_04 1:20:35

Gage told me what are you gonna do? Gage told me like about like how his dad has like a friend that owns like a mechanic shop and like his son like has Down syndrome, and Gage says, like, bro, one time I like sat the blunt rotation with this kid with Down syndrome, and he went up there and smoked weed with this dude with Down syndrome.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:51

Can you have like an existential crisis? Like, whenever you're on Downs.

SPEAKER_01 1:20:57

Yeah, smoke weed. When the fuck do we get ice cream? Did you get ice cream? Top 10 movie. I don't care. Argue with your fucking mom. The bigger's top 30. When the fuck do we get ice cream?

SPEAKER_02 1:21:13

Johnny Knoxville like turns around. No, it's funny. It was just Johnny Knoxville working with a bunch of retards. Dude, it's so funny.

SPEAKER_04 1:21:19

He did blackface, but like he did retard face, bro.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:22

He did retard face. You scratched my CD. You picked it up, dude. Are you playing? No, I'm walking my dog.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:33

What was uh the movie that uh Sean Penn did where he pretended to be uh Oh, dude!

SPEAKER_02 1:21:37

That I fucking love the movie makes me fucking cry every time. Uh you weren't there for me. Uh fucking Dakota. What's it? It's the same girl from Cat in the Hat. Dakota Fanning. Dakota Fanning. He played a special needs guy. Yeah. I am Sam. He's I am Sam. Dude, that movie fucking wrecked me, dude. I watched that right before Reese was born. Dude, you're like, fuck, you were the target audience. I'm retarded.

SPEAKER_03 1:22:03

It's like to have a daughter. Whatever we did just for the two of us that episode, we talked about I am Sam and just the idea of like Sean Penn took that role like fully thinking they're like, I'm getting an Oscar for sure. Like I'm taking this role, like I'm going like full special needs, and like for the movie to be like a box office bomb and a critical factor.

SPEAKER_02 1:22:28

Yeah, it's like the funniest part of the movie is like maybe you pay less trying to buy a pair of shoes.

SPEAKER_01 1:22:32

It's like I don't have enough money.

SPEAKER_02 1:22:35

It's three dollars for me.

SPEAKER_04 1:22:40

I can't picture anything about Ben Stiller and Topic Thunder.

SPEAKER_02 1:22:43

We can't make fun of retarded people, brother.

SPEAKER_04 1:22:45

Well, no, we're making fun of a guy who was pretending to be a good one.

SPEAKER_03 1:22:48

It's very accurate. That is like the fucking film.

SPEAKER_02 1:22:51

But like being a like, imagine working at payless and somebody comes trying to buy shoes and it's four dancer guys. I'd be like, who's they're all pitching in for a pair of shoes for like a small girl? Who's all right? Who's fucking kidding us?

SPEAKER_03 1:23:04

Where'd you guys get her? Where'd you get her? Where's the bus at? Who am I supposed to call? There's supposed to be a chaperone for this situation here, dude. But also, the dude. It's gonna suck to you.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:15

You weren't there for me. Dude, it was sad assist. That movie made me cry. That movie broke my fucking heart.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:23

I get apple pay, and it's like fucking fruit.

SPEAKER_04 1:23:30

You didn't apple pay me. Where were you?

SPEAKER_02 1:23:35

That apple juice. Dude, that movie, no, dude. That movie. I don't see the movie, dude. It's just an old ass apple juice. He's like, I can also regular lady fucked retarded Sean Penn and made the Gorona Fanny. Oh, it's still Sean Penn. There's a sexy dude. That movie, that movie. What movie's just what movies is I remember, dude, I've most movies I watch uh alone at night are like uh like emotional dramas. I remember it was my picture of the biggest. Kinsey was pregnant, and I watched this. And uh the next day What is I am Sam still? Yes, I am legendary. I watched it. I I got drunk by myself a night after Kinsey went to sleep, pregnant with our daughter, and uh I watched it by myself, and I was acting weird as hell the next day. Uh I was like, I was like emotionally affected by the movie, and she's like, What? Like, why are you acting like this? You don't fucking get it. You don't know. You don't know what I've been through. Dude, I don't know if I want to watch it. Dude, after after someone was the worst. After someone was the worst. Oh fuck, man. Yeah. I watched it for the second time. I logged it on Letterboxd, and literally the only like dude, I literally I ugly cried in my living room by myself, drunk as hell. Like, literally, like ugly cried, like because I'd watched it the first time. I knew it was a drug. Dude, I was already I'm drunk in the movie. He's always drunk in the movies. Wonderful movie had seven beers by myself at night. Like, I'm gonna have a couple beers. Like, that's my weed. That's my weed. Beer is my weed. Everyone's gonna buy it. I'm gonna I'm gonna get off work, I'm gonna have a couple beers, watch a movie.

SPEAKER_03 1:25:09

Fantastic, uh uh great cinematic adventure. Had seven beers, had to cry myself to sleep.

SPEAKER_02 1:25:21

Dude, the fucking song choice for the end of that movie. That song is never gonna be.

SPEAKER_03 1:25:28

And I've listened to it's if you look on my letterbox, that's like one of my favorite like my top movies. Yeah, it was my top song. No, can we give us a swamche?

SPEAKER_02 1:25:38

Dude, that song, I thought that was like a goofy song. Like I've always seen Under Pressure as like a goofy rock song. Like, I don't give a fuck. The end of that song, dog, fucks you up, dude.

SPEAKER_03 1:25:51

Crazy. That or like whenever he's leaving the airport and you see him going into the nightclub, we see the dude. The flashing light, dude, the fucking hugging scene at the end of the day. We're getting very esoteric and uh incomprehensible here. Holy moly. For those who love all.

SPEAKER_02 1:26:06

Yeah, dude, that movie, uh man.

SPEAKER_04 1:26:10

Man. Alright, boys. Let's let's wrap. When you get last statements, what you got?

SPEAKER_03 1:26:14

Grrrr.

SPEAKER_02 1:26:18

I love my daughter. Hey yo. I love you guys. I love you guys. Never kill yourself. I wouldn't be on YouTube.

SPEAKER_04 1:26:24

Never kill yourself.

SPEAKER_02 1:26:26

Keep it kosher.

SPEAKER_04 1:26:27

Never kill yourself, keep it kosher.

SPEAKER_02 1:26:28

Yeah, keep it under four ingredients, you fucks.

SPEAKER_04 1:26:32

See you next week.