Squirting in Space - RTB Ep. 23

We had a lot of fun this week. Come listen to us talk about it. And come back next Monday to do it again.

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:04

Can you make it the doubleheader?

SPEAKER_06 0:09

Gangsters. That's my favorite uh Pornhub category. What's that one? Doubleheader. Gangsters? Yes. Doubleheaded gangsters. I'm blacked. Huey's blacked and we're back. Hey, we got a special guest this time. Udante. Say hello to the fans. Yo, yo, yo. Udante is in the house. We've got an ethnic, we got an ethnic producer right now.

SPEAKER_08 0:32

Real token black guy in the house.

SPEAKER_06 0:34

Yeah, Udante, you can say now. That's what I was gonna say. Like, this is gonna take our podcast to the next to the next level. Yeah. Should I just get the first one? Right, just let it rip.

SPEAKER_03 0:42

Yeah, do it. Do it.

SPEAKER_08 0:42

Y'all niggas look good today.

SPEAKER_06 0:45

Beautiful. Mr. 300 beans. 300 beans. 300 beans, dude. I'm here. I'm super pressed right now, bro. Um okay. First of all, I do want to go ahead and say this on camera because I was talking mad shit the last two episodes. I think I think soccer's not as gay as I thought it was. Zero integrity, bro. No, dude, it's not, bro. It's it's I'm ashamed to admit it, but I've been man enough to say it. Folded so fast. I did fold it so fast.

SPEAKER_02 1:13

You could not overcome your genes.

SPEAKER_06 1:16

It's no, it was more so like the money. I started gambling on it, and like all my homies were up like, oh dude, I'm up $1200, I'm up $1,100. I was like, yo, let me get in on this. Let me get a slice of this pie, bro. I put in 40 bucks. I'm away, I made my way up in two days to like $450. And I was like, yo, soccer's the best fucking sport ever. I was like, I love soccer now. It's so fun to bet on, dude. So fucking fun. So fun to bet on. What did I lost? It seems like I lost all of it today. We'll see. Polymarket, if you're listening to this, don't sponsor us. Fuck you, Polymarket. Hey, hey, Polymarket treats me well. Polymarkets can kiss my ass, dude. They I'm supposed to have like at least a $150 left of my account. It says I have 30 cents.

SPEAKER_03 2:01

I'm not even kidding, do it. Put your 30 cents on Australia. It won't even make it. It might get a dollar ninety.

SPEAKER_06 2:06

Oh shit. Yeah. I'm crawling all the way back up. Yeah. This is penny slot shit, dude. Yes. Also, another thing about public market that I don't like is you can't do parlays.

SPEAKER_03 2:15

No, but I mean, it kind of keeps you responsible because how often are parlays?

SPEAKER_06 2:20

It doesn't keep me responsible because since I can't do parlays and I can't stack multipliers, I'm just like, well, fuck it. I guess I'll do $150 on this bet.

SPEAKER_03 2:28

Oh, USA already scored. Did they really? Yeah. Who was that? Was that Pepe? Pepe? Whatever the fuck? No, that's Des. No, who the fuck is that?

SPEAKER_08 2:37

I think it was Death.

SPEAKER_06 2:40

Nice. Dang, bro. Yeah, I'm pissed, bro. Um, I should have never got into this shit. I am a fan now though. But I'm only a fan of the World Cup. You'll never catch me watching Madrid versus whoever they play. Oh, dude.

SPEAKER_03 2:54

You accidentally just said you're never gonna watch like one of the best teams in soccer play.

SPEAKER_06 2:58

I don't think I ever will, though. I I fuck with the I fuck with the whole like World Cup stuff because it's like very awesome.

SPEAKER_03 3:05

Bro, it's cool as shit.

SPEAKER_06 3:06

Like seeing the country support. Bro, if we went to the gas station across the street. Yeah. Son of a bitch! Dude, yeah. Like two days ago. Or when did Korea when did South Korea play last? Was that last night? Uh yep.

SPEAKER_03 3:19

Yeah, South Korea. They fucked up. South of the ass last night. Yeah, that's right, that's right. One of the worst teams in the fucking tournament.

SPEAKER_02 3:25

The World Cup's fun because like you can you can really like isolate like what country they're actually from. Like people who you were on the fence about. I'm like, because by default, you know, Manhattan, we have such a big Vietnamese population here. I was like, he's probably Vietnamese, and the way he reacted to South Korea shit, he's like, motherfucker. A coach is a thumb ass.

SPEAKER_06 3:42

It was pretty sick. Like I went into the the other night. I never talked to the guy because I know there's like a huge language like barrier between us. But uh I found out like you speak slightly better English than him. I do. We're like I guess if we we can get along, yeah. We uh like the week before I found out like his coworker, they're like they're from Korea, and I was like, oh shit, they must all be Korean, and they have to all be Korean. And um, so the next time I went in there, I said, uh, you watching the World Cup game?

SPEAKER_01 4:07

He was like, Yes, it's South Korea! Going to beat South Africa tonight. He's like that's the most I ever heard him talk, bro. Oh dude. He was like super excited. I was like, holy shit, dude. I was like, yeah, all right.

SPEAKER_10 4:18

You gotta win my dumb, bro. They're gonna tell them a new asshole. They're gonna read and stay apartheid the the way they fuck them.

SPEAKER_01 4:26

We're going to fucking them up and the stadium is going to look like a nigga stucky. I went in there the next day, bro. I was like, yeah, we went in there earlier to do a beer run.

SPEAKER_06 4:36

I was like, yo, what happened in South Korea last night? He goes, someone the bitch. Stupid laugh, bro. He's goated, dude. He's a goat. Man, I fucking love him now.

SPEAKER_03 4:49

Started talking about how stupid the coach the head coach is and everything. Well, one of the Korean reporters was interviewing the head coach after the game, and uh Korean reporter asked the head coach, who's like, Did the players get like food poisoning or something? Like, that's the only explanation that I can think of for what happened out there. For food poisoning? Like from America? I mean, they benched our best player. Wasn't this like a like win or go-home type shit, too?

SPEAKER_02 5:17

Where did they play at? What did they like? They were in Mexico.

SPEAKER_06 5:22

Monterey? Maybe they drank the water. Like it was in Monterey.

SPEAKER_02 5:25

Oh, damn, dude. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 5:27

Somewhere like that. Oh they fucking lost. Nonetheless, they lost. That does suck though. But anyway. USA scored in the first like two minutes. I wish I could like lock into the USA game. But I didn't bet on it. And the fact that I didn't bet on this game, I also don't give a fuck again. So that lets me know that maybe I'm not a fan of soccer, and it is just the fact that I had money on the line. Well, because I can't bet on shit if I'm not watching the game.

SPEAKER_03 5:51

It definitely helps. It definitely helps. I try to throw at least a little bit of something on every single game.

SPEAKER_02 5:59

On every single game.

SPEAKER_06 6:00

There's some untouchables, though. Uh oh. I mean, I wasn't gonna fuck with like the game where it was uh like the games where you're like the clear favorites, I don't trust them.

SPEAKER_03 6:10

Dude, Germany, I put $400 on uh Germany. Or maybe it was yeah, it was Germany. Whenever they uh who did they play, Dante? They scored in the 94th minute to win. Um, that's crazy. Yeah, I had I had $400 on it and it wasn't looking like they were gonna do it, so I cashed out. I lost like three something, and they won. Yeah, I'm gonna go.

SPEAKER_08 6:31

So I got fucked myself so bad. AC text me, I was going crazy in my room. He texted me that he cashed out. I damn near fell to my knees.

SPEAKER_03 6:40

I couldn't look at myself in the mirror. I was so disappointed in myself, it was terrible. Are you up or down now? Oh, I'm still way out. Fuck, dude. I'm still way out.

SPEAKER_08 6:48

Everyone I know is up.

SPEAKER_03 6:49

Oh, fucking, not everyone, buddy. This is to me, this is like Christmas time or something like that.

SPEAKER_06 6:55

If they reimburse me on Polymarket and I get my money back like I'm supposed to, I'll still be up. You'll get your money back.

SPEAKER_03 7:00

If you truly are supposed to have that money, and it says something's wrong with your account, so it has to but also a lot of people in the chat are saying like polymarket robbed me, blah, blah, blah.

SPEAKER_04 7:09

Bro, I think they robbed my ass too. I'm not even joking.

SPEAKER_03 7:12

They might have.

SPEAKER_04 7:13

I tried to cash out on Japan. And I was having problems with the app, and I was like, oh, fuck it, I'll let it ride me. Keep emailing them, dude.

SPEAKER_03 7:19

And that's what I had to see.

SPEAKER_06 7:21

They basically told me to kill myself and get over it. Yeah, they're like, fuck to you. It would do, I think it was a South Korean that was messaging me. It's like, doesn't that the fucking suck?

SPEAKER_02 7:30

That's why they call it poly market because like if you don't like how you're getting fucked by one game, then you can get you can invite another game in to fuck you.

SPEAKER_06 7:39

That's probably what it is. You're onto something. I'm hopping on Cauchy, bro. Yeah. Cauchy don't be crashing like that. You don't use Cauchy at all?

SPEAKER_03 7:45

No, I don't like the layout of it. Uh the Cauchi is more I believe polymarket is more established in other parts of the world than it's new to the US as of this year. Cauchy you can bet on.

SPEAKER_02 7:55

I don't like my I don't like my betting app to have pronouns, you know? That's fair. Caldim, all right? How about that? Yeah, Couchy. That's stupid. That's nice. That was stupid.

SPEAKER_06 8:07

Shut the fuck up. Just letting you know. Shut your fucking Caldim's. I've I would I'd more likely to play with Cal Shi than Cal Dim. Cald Zim? Yeah, Cal Zer.

SPEAKER_02 8:17

They they they like abandoned that. I feel like that.

SPEAKER_06 8:19

Like they abandoned that like like those are my pronouns on letterbox on my pro account.

SPEAKER_02 8:23

They abandoned that like like Latinx. Really? Yeah, Latinox. Shout out my dude. Friend of the pod. Gage would be like, he'll say that shit at work. He'd be like, just walk into work and be like, shout out to my Lathinx. Like, shut the fuck up, dude. You went to uh Florida, bro. How was it? I did, yeah. Speaking of Lathinxes, uh fucking Cuban City, dude. Uh Florida was awesome, man. I visited an old friend. Also, another friend of the pod, Tim, the firefighter.

SPEAKER_06 8:52

Shout out to Tim. Tim.

SPEAKER_02 8:53

Former MMA fighter, current firefighters, just dude is just always battling. Fighting everything. Fighting something. He's everything just to fight off the gay thoughts. He's fighting the case right now. And uh, what's it called? It was cool seeing him. He like he listens to every episode. He listens to a lot of podcasts. Honestly, one of the biggest red flags I put I put on the board one of our listeners is a psychopath. Another one of our listeners is a psychopath, I should say. Um Tim Tim was telling me uh like he doesn't like I asked him like what he's listening to, you know, like what you've been listening to, what you what kind of music you've been into. He's like, I don't listen to music. That's so insane, dude. I just podcast all day. Uh podcast, or and I was like, what about like when you because he's an active guy, you know? Like when you're running or something, he's like, man, I I'll listen to uh to like first person accounts of someone like saving someone's life. And I was like, this guy's just uh different animal. Different animal, yeah. Which, you know, like I imagine in the moment where they're actually talking about like the intense shit, like, okay, maybe that could get you hyped up, but like the build-up, imagine watching a hype video, but there's no music to it. There's no music to it, and all there's no funk music, there's nothing, but also like the lead up to it, like, hey, so like alright, we so we got in today.

SPEAKER_06 10:09

We have Did I just imagine him listening to like the saddest Joe Rogan episode where like the guest is crying and Joe's like, it's okay, man. It's alright, man. And he's just like doing the doing a high rocks.

SPEAKER_02 10:20

He's listening to like what uh David Cho talk about Anthony Bourdain dying. Yeah, bro. Yeah. Uh nah, but uh um he like I mean he does like some wild shit. Like he works at EMS and he's like fucking delivered a baby. Like, and he's not like a doctor, he just delivered a baby like on the side of the fucking road or whatever. Uh he's like telling me how you scooped up some guy's leg because he he was in some kind of machinery accident or something like that, and like like uh probably paralyzed himself, and he had like scoop up this guy's leg and like calm him down, like, hey man.

SPEAKER_06 10:52

This guy's life sucks. Just sit where you like just music and just straight trauma, like on the side.

SPEAKER_02 11:02

All of us did mushrooms. Um all of us did mushrooms, and uh didn't even occur to me until after the fact, like we did mushrooms at a concert, and like Tim, who's not even a he's not a music person, he's like obviously not a concert person, and we're just locked in, strapped in for this uh for this concert. We we saw turnover, which is like um they're like they're like royal Otis adjacent, I would say. They're from the US, yeah, but uh they're like from like Virginia Beach or something like that. But uh they're like Royal Otis adjacent, like that kind of like slacker, like indie kind of style. Cool shit. But what was interesting about that concert is normally, you know, all the the build-up artists are kind of similar. Yeah. This one was like started out somewhat similar, like kind of like Dream Pop indie, like a little mmm, like I don't know, I guess made like West Coast indie. And then uh the next band was like it's called this band called Narrowhead out of Fort Worth. They sound like Deft Tones, like there was like a mosh, like people showed up in the in like a put someone put on a bat a Batman mask and started a mosh pit.

SPEAKER_03 12:11

That's awesome.

SPEAKER_02 12:12

Yeah, and then and then back to and then back to like you know, chill vibe.

SPEAKER_06 12:16

The whole time you're tripping on shrooms, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:18

And the the the funny part is that you could tell, like, some people for sure went there just to see Narrowhead. Yeah. Because they're a newer band, and they probably don't go to Florida very often. And uh just like that sound like Deftones is like very, you know, like like on the like back on the come up as they should be.

SPEAKER_03 12:35

Yeah, I'm definitely gonna check them out. Uh I need like more new rock to listen to. I'm getting burnt out.

SPEAKER_02 12:40

They sounded, they sounded incredible, they sounded really, really good. But uh you see like a lot of goth people like wearing all black, and then you see like this like you know, West Coast and you like wearing flowery.

SPEAKER_03 12:49

Well, I went to the Deptones concert in Manhattan. Uh there was literally me and my sister, and then like probably like 80,000 fat goth Mexicans. That was it, dude. Hell yeah. It was like shopping at Dev Tones.

SPEAKER_02 13:03

I mean the lead singer is himself, a fat goth Mexican. You don't sing like one though.

SPEAKER_03 13:08

Which dude, I like my Mexicans to be like happy, go lucky, hardworking. I don't like the uh the goth, like I'm so sad Mexican. Great music, great music. I like it, but I like my Mexicans to be happy. The goth Mexican, that's the funniest shit. Yeah, sad, sad Mexican is like like a sad golden retriever or something like that.

SPEAKER_06 13:27

It's like the one that's the the one Mexican that actually doesn't like working hard. It's like they just like he doesn't like the song. I fucking hate my life, fool.

SPEAKER_01 13:39

Five in the fucking morning, bro. I'm gonna fucking kill myself, fool. The the fucking uh golf Mexican is so fucking funny.

SPEAKER_02 13:53

I put uh I I wake up and I put on my my Doc Martins. Doc Martins.

SPEAKER_03 13:59

Holy shit. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 14:02

I mean I I there is like uh some overlap of both liking dickies.

SPEAKER_03 14:09

They both fuck with Dickies. Oh, Dickies, yeah, yeah, double knees.

SPEAKER_06 14:13

The golf Mexican takes the chain off his pants and hangs himself with it. Dude, my allergies are kicking my fucking ass today.

SPEAKER_03 14:23

What's wrong with them?

SPEAKER_06 14:24

They're kicking my ass. It's probably their coke addiction. Yeah. Sounds nasal. I got that nasal drip. In D. That shit don't feel good. I know. It's like the worst whenever like you feel really good and you don't know it. Yeah. And then the moment you feel sick, you're like, I I feel like a goth Mexican. Like, I actually want to kill myself right now. Yeah. I want to end it all. I'm gonna drown in my snot homes. It's gonna be a nasty death, too. Was it Shane Bill Shane Gillis bit where he's like uh the golf Australian? I think about death.

SPEAKER_03 15:02

Yeah. Speaking of Australia, here we go.

SPEAKER_04 15:06

Oh, I forgot we're playing Ozzy right now.

SPEAKER_03 15:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 15:10

If they score a bunch of fucking goals, everyone's gonna throw toilet pipe on the field.

SPEAKER_06 15:15

You guys, how much money you got on this? Bro, I was out at Twin Peaks. Also, like I'm starting to realize that the I'm never gonna take uh what you got, KC.

SPEAKER_03 15:24

I just got 25 on the Aussies right now. That's all I have.

SPEAKER_06 15:26

Um the more the more I like uh listen to Ant Gamble and like talk about gambling, I'm never gonna take advice from him ever again. Because Ant has like a legitimate problem. Is he like betting on like pipe dream shit?

SPEAKER_03 15:38

Dude, is he betting to like change his life or is he just like trying to have fun with the game?

SPEAKER_06 15:42

Ant hit a $26,000 bet one time when he was like 18. Oh and he's been chasing that high ever since. Oh no, dude. He's been chasing that high ever since.

SPEAKER_03 15:52

That's exactly how the gifts are in white terms. That's like being 12 and shooting like a fucking 12-point monster buck. Because you're not supposed to shoot anything uh smaller than what you've previously killed, so it's the same thing. Oh, is that how it is? For white people, yeah. For white people, yeah. The Mexicans they'll they fucking shoot. They take their own everything, bro. They're killing the baby deer. To be fair, they eat the whole fucking deer. White people usually just take like the back strap, like leather the whole deer. Dude, they fucking eat the whole fucking thing. They'll like make like soup with the guts. Dante, go ahead and pull it up for me. How much of the deer do Mexicans eat?

SPEAKER_02 16:32

The cheek and tongue off of cows? That dish like Carlos de Res, like where it's like uh just like a lot of um they they O F F A L is what they call it, just like the like the organs and stuff like that. It's supposed to like make you feel better.

SPEAKER_01 16:46

Yeah, it's just it's like tortilla too. Two Mexicans. Yes.

SPEAKER_03 16:52

The Mexicans eat more off of a deer when they kill it. Yes, traditionally Mexican. Well, at my grandparents' ranch, you know this kid. Because at my grandparents' ranch, they used to have uh they had a high fence spot in the hill country and it got overpopulated, so we brought in like Mexicans. Well, I'm talking about like a full bed of a truck, like bed height, stacked with fucking deer. I thought you were gonna say Mexicans. They were in there too. Yeah, they don't fuck around. They tore those motherfuckers apart.

SPEAKER_06 17:22

Dude bro, the deer treat the the Mexicans treat the deer like how the Americans treat the the pigs like the wild pigs. Yeah. That's so fucking funny. You knew these said, bro, the Mexicans they eat the whole fucking thing.

SPEAKER_03 17:36

Growing up, like grocery shopping and stuff, I'm sure like I used to, it was before like phones and stuff, I would like pick up the cow tongue and like fuck with it in the in the supermarket. Yeah, yeah. And I was thinking, like, who the fuck is eating this? And then growing up working like blue-collar jobs, like it's these motherfuckers.

SPEAKER_02 17:50

It's half Mexicans don't like the. Have you had lingua? Like lingua tacos? They're fucking good, dude. I believe it's all good. It's cow tongue. It's yeah, fucking delicious. Is that a cheek? They eat the cheek. No, it's barbicole is cheap. The barbaco is cheap, though. Which is also gas, dude.

SPEAKER_03 18:06

Fucking fuck yeah, dude.

SPEAKER_02 18:08

Even like like menudo is like the stomach. They they eat that. It's fucking. I hate the menudo.

SPEAKER_06 18:14

I like the menudo's good. I'll throw it down with the Mexicans, dude. Not physically, but I'm like, they know how to drink, they know how to eat, they know how to party. They do know how to fucking party, bro.

SPEAKER_02 18:24

That's why, honestly, that's why they're not going anywhere. It's like, you know, like they like all the same shit we like, alright? They like fat ass, I like fat ass. They like good food, I like good food.

SPEAKER_06 18:33

There is nothing hornier than a Mexican might be Mexican.

SPEAKER_02 18:36

They like cold beers. They like cold beers. I might, bitch, I might be. They like they like cold beers, I like cold beers. The only thing that like they really fundamentally don't fuck with is pulling out.

SPEAKER_06 18:47

Yeah, dude. Super fertile. Super fertile. It's like their pussy is it's like Mexican pussy is like manure. God, God designed to grow anything.

SPEAKER_02 18:56

He designed a race that he was like, all right, we're gonna make a group of people that are hilarious and hardworking, hardworking, durable, best boxers, family-oriented, great boxers, great footwork. And we're gonna never run out of them. And has no, they have no idea when they're gonna come. Not not the faintest idea.

SPEAKER_06 19:16

No, they they pop them out. Right, dude. There's there is nothing hornier than a Mexican. It's like unbelievable. It's it's it's incredible.

SPEAKER_03 19:26

Is that the Mexican?

SPEAKER_06 19:26

Mexican ladies? Mexican ladies? Mexican ladies are the fucking worst. Crazy as fuck. Every one of my I there's any woman in my family right now, I'll throw hands with right now. Like they all piss me off. Mexican ladies, they're the fucking worst. Yeah, they like to like fight. Dude, yeah, no, they're evil. They're like conniving.

SPEAKER_03 19:44

They're like that's why they're all the Mexican boys drink so much.

SPEAKER_06 19:47

This is what I'm saying, bro. I voted for Trump two times because he was like telling me, like, hey, you want a quiet Easter? You want a quiet Easter? Vote for me.

SPEAKER_02 19:56

Easter?

SPEAKER_06 19:56

Dude, you want a quiet Easter? You want to tone down the riff?

SPEAKER_02 19:59

You want to tone down the riffraff a little bit?

SPEAKER_06 20:01

Yeah, dude. A couple decibels. I voted for dude. I thought Trump, but it's fucking June. I don't think they're leaving. Dude, it's like June, and like they're still here.

SPEAKER_02 20:08

And like I voted for Trump twice because it was like that whole that whole thing's a sham, though. About like it's it's like that's what I'm getting at. It's like consistent, like uh his family has been here for two weeks.

SPEAKER_03 20:20

I don't think they're fucking needed.

SPEAKER_02 20:22

My my older brother, he he worked like on the like he worked on the border in El Paso uh during two like during two different presidencies. And he's like, they literally this the SOP, the everything is the exact same. South Park Mexicans? Yeah. The standard operating procedure, you know, like the how they handle shit, the protocol or whatever, is like damn near identical. It's like literally not a thing changes. Fuck, dude. This is bullshit. I'm calling and uh it wasn't he wasn't even doing like he was more on like uh they're like like fucking coyote patrol, yeah. Actually like traffic like tracking down like the human traffickers and shit. But like just observing because he's he's around Border Patrol agents like all the time, and it's like literally nothing changes. Like it's we have to be.

SPEAKER_06 21:07

They are it's they're like lazy Mexicans, the ones on the border patrol, like they're not working hard. It's the golf Mexicans.

SPEAKER_02 21:12

No, I it's like I mean I remember uh that that I don't think they're incentivized. No, well that that interviewer, no, it's like actually what they're told to do. It's not they're incentivized, not that no one's being lazy. It's like literally like the each political party does the exact same shit.

SPEAKER_06 21:27

That's what I'm saying. I don't think they're incentivized, so they just don't give a fuck.

SPEAKER_02 21:31

I I don't even know. I just remember like um I I I it was I thought it was interesting, like you know the channel 5 news guy, the one the same one who interviewed the the sex worker who was talking to Brian though? Yeah, Andrew Keller. Yeah, yeah. He did uh he was like one of the only like the one of the few people I've seen to actually like interview like an ice agent. It was like a good it was like an interesting video because uh it was like a 40 minute interview. Was his face blurred? Um I think a couple of them, like the voices were changed or whatever. weren't though but like I don't remember seeing the faces of them but uh because they are like they work for they work for Homeland Security. Ice ICE agents are technically Homeland Security and like what they signed up for was to do shit like the people who broke like the the subway like the Jared Fogle shit pedophile shit that that's what ICE is like that's what homeland security is like supposed to be doing so they're not even supposed to be going after the Mexicans not really I mean a lot of them so they said one of the underreported stats is that like 30% of ICE is like Mexicans and the reason is like these these are people that grew up on the border No no no no listen like these are people who grew up on the border and like saw how much violence can occur due to like coyotes and cartels and shit like that. So they actually like they want them they want to get rid of people. Like they like they want they want to get rid of the bad people you know because they like they saw it first no one saw it firsthand more than them.

SPEAKER_06 22:57

Yeah well they don't want it hard enough because they're all story I got you an address right now we can get rid of 20 of them if you pull and you don't have to use a big car you can pull up with a hit civic I've seen them all get in where before you got cartel members in your family is that what you're saying no no I'm talking about sure I'll say they're in the cartel they're just like loud yeah they're yes they're in the cartel I'll tell you where they live right now cousins like you're like Mexican Uncle Ruckus dude I'm saying like Bro you guys don't understand what it's like to have to fist fight your fucking fat ass cousin on Easter because her mom told her which the egg had the fucking hundred dollars in it and I'm lower actually I'm at a disadvantage every time I work for this shit. Yeah like I I need that money she's gonna spend it on shit that they already bought and it's in the pantry anyway like she's just gonna f spend it on fucking junk food. I need that money. I'm gonna spend it on polymarket.

SPEAKER_03 23:47

Exactly that little bitch is taking my polymarket money on poly market I'm so fucking mad at myself I didn't take both teams to score for USA and Turkey because it's already fucking hit.

SPEAKER_02 23:55

Oh fucking I never met someone with like fucking Puerto Rican Vitiligo dude you fucking viticulero if you hung out bro my but the thing is is like my family is like they're almost black.

SPEAKER_03 24:08

It's like they're like a dominic I told that at my mom's wedding there was a black guy there uh it's one of my stepdad's friends or something and I got so drunk I don't know how I like managed to wiggle this into the conversation but I told him uh I'm not black I'm Dominican poppy uh he was just like okay and he said okay he just walked away yeah why did you say that to him I don't know dude that should have been the only thing you said to him actually I think it might have been because I don't remember saying anything before or after that I think I just went up to me and said I'm not black I'm Dominican he's like I met Dominican poppy and you're not him all right fucking kid lied to me I I know him personally it was the only one there why'd you single him out like that I don't know that was drunk where was this it's my mom's wedding you didn't tell me you should have told me this while we were there I would have gone up I would have said the same fucking shit why does everybody think I'm Dominican he should have got it would have been a game of telephone is just the reverse Dominican guy it's like I'm not Dominican I'm black that's my family that's literally my family oh my game actual Dominicans say the opposite I'm not fucking black I'm Dominican I'm not black I'm Dominican that's like uh the hips the very small polo shirt yeah yeah tight ass jeans yeah they're still wearing the like the fake ball mains yeah the biggest shades you've ever seen in your life yeah yeah the clout like basically clout goggles the biggest shade you've ever seen the DR guys are cool remember whenever uh uh Alex thought Dante was uh Dominican and not black who thought this remember the bachelor trip Dante oh yeah Frankie was it Frankie yeah it was Frankie yeah he did yeah why did you just go along with I played I played a whole round of golf with this guy because you're a Dominican I'll say nigga I was like I was like good shot bro he started bagging on y'all and you just went along with it yeah pretty much yeah it's crazy that he assumed that you were Dominican and I don't like I don't remember you dancing a single time I don't want to like figure it out I had no dance movie yeah he didn't dance a single time he still assumed that you were Dominican that's crazy and you were having a good round too I was playing good golf there were many opportunities probably a dead giveaway there were many opportunities for you to dance there was not not a single dance not even a hip shake nothing that would have been a different it was still enough for you him to bring out his opinions I get it a lot honestly you do look Dominican you walk around with fucking soccer shirts on too yeah so that's probably what it is you're good at baseball I'm you like you have a canon for right here I play baseball yeah he's a canon for Dante is Dominican pretty much you could pass I love soccer and baseball hell yeah dude and working hard you're a hard worker too yeah dude who else's fucking podcast producer is sending equipment into fucking space yeah below what you're supposed to be doing it's so funny but in your off time you just can't talk for these guys if you like send a pick space is very real if you send a pick of your meat up to like one of the astronauts like that'd be like probably a federal crime well is it like when you go on a cruise how like in international waters some like technically nothing's illegal yeah because of the implication sexually assault somebody in space is because of the implication maybe but if you're on a US ship does that count as the United States if I'm over international waters and I somehow FaceTime an astronaut on the ISS that could we might have something there. I think I think we need to maybe sexually harass an astronaut from a cruise ship.

SPEAKER_02 27:53

There's a gray area because I feel like if you're all alone in that in that spaceship you probably haven't laughed in a while I feel like just just random some some dudes meet just coming like that's like uh you're you're on the space shuttle you're on the space station you and you walk into a bathroom and a guy has like his pants pulled all the way down taking a piss you're like ha I haven't laughed like that in a lot of taking a piss you get so sad you start crying and like worker's dick you think they definitely jerk off in space I feel like jerking off in space if if it's gotta be impossible to clean up dude yeah oh yeah you're like what did you did you fix the satellite chasing my nut around well dude what are the I had it's omer's clues some of the equipment was falling asleep fucking back there dude if someone's like a squirter broken baby it wasn't a nut in space it's gotta feel like passing a kidney though I feel like your gum is not coming up that great offside dude if you if you squirt like there's no there's no resistance like squirting his face to the other side of the station squirting his face is so funny.

SPEAKER_06 28:55

You didn't complete a single like task today because you're like you're just chasing around your cum you act like Drax whenever they run into you like if I stay still they can't see me you're just fucking floating around and your cum's right next to you what is that my fucking beer where it go where to go while you're up I dropped my phone in between the cushions never change it's fucking wet now dude son of a bitch man that was like six episodes bro I was doing good too what time are we at?

SPEAKER_03 29:30

Alright let's like a quick break I gotta clean this shit up I I want to sound like a super deep like southern accent and like and then halfway through when they call me sir be like well me and my husband were like there's this that Japanese fella Kim Jong un Kim Jong oon would you was your joke when you got fucking fucked at the like jokes Kim Jong oon no dollars left in my wallet like just fucking tell Korea just acting like a super like paranoid like very very very very uninformed person like I'm trying to get a doomsday shelter yeah um we should do that on the break the guy oh we wrote we lied yeah we lost uh the guy's fucking iced me look at this shit it's got hair on it now this is what you did to me that was on there before I put it on there I also this sucks because like you guys had you guys couldn't have like put this in the fridge before you did this shit to me you're gonna make me drink hot liquor what temperature would you say that is room temp RTB That was in the trunk of my car honestly it was hotter than that the the the couch throat goat yeah look at the you look at his throat move around dripping off of his chin I got a black that Adam's apple is moving up and down like a like a fucking metronome dude it looks like you're drinking like like after you've This is astronaut comb no that's that comb like whenever you've already hit twice and you're like fuck it let's go a third time it's just straight yeah and you roll over and you google like signs of uh that looks my that's like my first fertility it's like straight up electrolytes there might be something wrong with me this is my first nut this your first nut looks like that not anywhere near as this much like I fuck man my first nut look like your fourth nut boy that ain't good no though that ain't good much of it I mean I've got average average cum over here regular guy cum that fucking sucks your blood sugar is spiking right now I'm pretty sure I'm diabetic too it's the most Mexican thing about me diabeto diabeto that's what I'm saying like fighting your uh cousins on that it is like it's like diabetic hunger games on East Diabetes like everyone's just fighting over the over the candy on Easter that's not what Jesus wanted that fucked me up yeah dude you sound like a fucking bullfrog dude yeah that fucked me up bro that shit was hot was hot there was dribbing down your chin and all that it was it was it was dribbling everything ever so slightly if y'all would have timed it good y'all would have been able to get it on camera that fucking it was jammed into like the water spilled your beer and then it was like that was a perfect you were adamant about cleaning it and I was like well yeah I mean I can't stop I tried to stop you I tried to get you to go get paper towels and I was gonna pull it up is that what you're gonna do back and then you're stuck in the couch we just came back to everybody being like there's there's a bottle stuck in the couch trying to convince you that it's spilled but Casey's like it's probably better if it dries actually I fuck with the vision Casey I was trying to get you out of here he was like oh actually I found my phone never mind when I was uh typing polymarket on your phone for you in the living room that's that was me distracting you oh really yeah I was pretending to like care a lot about your money being give a fuck dude I mean I do I feel bad for you but I'm also happy it didn't happen to me he was in here hiding it we got like two would you put the smoothness off dude would you put the smoothness off I'm gonna unfortunately have to harp on something he's already sad about hey hey Alec don't go in there real quick though I told you about the gay guy that had sex with your ex-girlfriend the gay guy that had gay sex with your girlfriend your ex-girlfriend oh shit dude I gotta bring up something really quick um hey uh was the last time I talked to your mom man I just oh shit bro guacamole man so is it true that you were crying on Legal Legends bro that was so funny I was like editing the last episode and you're talking about like getting fucked up and watching movies and like audibly crying in the living room yeah and you're like kind of like a baby dude like but also like I've never in the past five years the only time I cry is if I'm like shit faced dude what have what's more embarrassing like having your girl walk in on you and you're just like full mouthing sweets in the living room or like you're crying at a movie sweets.

SPEAKER_06 34:13

That's more you'd rather her see you crying at a movie?

SPEAKER_03 34:15

Yeah yeah I need to be seen like eating like if if she comes in the room I'd want to be eating like a steak or like baked potato or giant turkey something like that if I'm if I'm like housing like snickerdoodle cookies in the middle of the night why is that so gay it's gay as fuck milk and cookies Santa Claus yeah exactly right it's uh and it's also it brings the question like hey what the fuck are you doing? What is it why are you eating cookies in the dark masculine I'm trusting I'm trusting myself with this sweet treat little boy at our last house you walk out of the bedroom and you go straight into living room and I was up late eating cookies on the couch and I had them on I had them on a paper towel on the floor I was like watching TV and bro I was eating like 20 cookies it's not even at that point it wasn't about like getting caught eating sweets like every cookie and so I was like killing cookies and I hear the door open I slide it all under the cow I just had a cup of milk you just picture yeah easy freaking the fuck out and like fucking I reacted like as if I had porn pulled up on the living room TV I was like oh the the the rationale of like rather being caught eating pussy like someone else's pussy than like cookies uh either way you're eating some cookie dog yeah banging some cookie well if you put it under the couch it's gonna have hair on it that's so fucking funny dude did you ever like go back or did you leave them there? No as soon as she went back to bed I pulled the cookies out so fucking are you gonna like get grounded? No I'll just like you I'll have to answer the question Do you think she's gonna look at you differently why are you eating so many cookies and I have to say like well I I don't have any self-control to be honest with you. You should probably run pop art.

SPEAKER_06 36:10

Yeah I do something I don't I don't do something a little bit you're flushing the cookies like it's a fucking raid everything I do I do it a lot like it's a raid in uh uh fucking good fellas yeah I'll leave bro that's so funny but when he told me that the first time he was like bro one time Casey like gave me shit because he like opened up my freezer and saw that there was like three different kinds of ice cream in my freezer there's two other there's three right now yeah it did we eat ice cream like we like ice cream and and Dante's being quiet right now because Dante fucking munches on ice cream hardcore ice cream's great like five different types of ice cream bro you munch on ice cream hardcore too many of that you can have you can have a little bit in the fridge yeah case he was like fucking and it like got to me too like Casey like talked enough shit into me that he was like any man that has enough ice cream to have some left over after he eats ice cream that's too much fucking ice cream dude like you're not a real man I was like fuck dude I got like two gallons of ice cream and I'm like ice cream is if you take your wife and kid to go to an ice cream shop. Ice cream at the house it's a nice treat I mean it's I mean uh you're the fucking devil dude you're calling me by my sin and I'm you're just I know you're munching on sleeves of cookies at the at night. Yeah I don't have them anymore I don't have any more cookies yeah fucking right bro no I have chocolate chip cookies on top of the fridge I fucking know it yeah it's so like it's so funny the things that like Casey has to hide he's like yeah dude I got my mint chocolate chip cookies over here and I got my chocolate chip cookies on top of the fridge and I got the other cookies under the couch.

SPEAKER_02 37:46

He's like he's like meeting Girl Scouts like like they're a fucking informant they're like you too fucking voiced you run a wire bitch the girl scouts they know Casey's name they're like hey casey he's like hey you fucking bitch shut the fuck up shut the fuck up bitch he's like a little style he like lures her into the alley he's like we can't do this sale right now Casey treats like getting cookie like he's like actually getting cookie I don't I don't know the Girl Scouts I've I think I fucked her mom in high school so I was like I don't know the girl scouts do you ever see that movie Donnie Brasco with uh uh uh what the fuck um it's the same actor who played Johnny Depp Donny Brasco with Johnny Depp it's like a mob movie he's he's an undercover cop and uh there's a scene where he almost gets his cover blown by someone who's like hey I know you blah blah blah blah and and he reacts by just punching him in the face like that guy trying to grab my cock that's kind of exactly how like the Johnny Depp and Amber Heard stuff went too like a pun literally he's like on like an escalator and the guy's like hey like blah blah blah calls him by by his actual like detective name and he just fucking just with something fucking decks him like try to grab my cock what is my cock like just a cocky Italian like ah try to grab my cock try to grab my fucking cock what's wrong with this guy punches of just his knee is a girl scout yeah that's bro that's Casey that's Casey whenever like he's eating cookies.

SPEAKER_06 39:14

Yeah I just beats the shit out of the why'd you three piece that fucking girl scout try to grab a cock what yeah we gotta get the fuck out of here Girl Scouts oh gosh she called Reese a bitch that's so funny that like Casey thinks that like eating sweets is like so gay. It is gay dude like it's not that what are you doing Halloween? Bro you were munching out the candy jar earlier when you got here those are sours those are not sweets that's not that's very different. That's why it's like you'll fuck up Sourpatch kids in front of the old lady but it's just like gummy worms like shit like that that's cool. Yeah you you put them under your tongue and pretend it's acid way cooler yeah yeah you wouldn't know about that yeah I wouldn't know about that I was a good kid growing up I had a Hispanic mum that's just I don't know I think that's fucking just the way Casey's mind works is just so fucking funny to me. And like also like because like it's like I was saying like the thing is is like the fact that Kate the fact that Casey thinks like eating cookies is gay is like oh fuck I would never want him to find out what I think the gayest thing about me is because he would fucking roast the shit out of me.

SPEAKER_02 40:21

I'm just like I'm picturing like even deeper like Casey's like rationalize like which cookies are gayer than other ones.

SPEAKER_03 40:26

Oh yeah Oreos are gay as hell you don't like Oreo there's fucking cream dude no I love them. That's what I eat at night. Well but they're gay as well that's what you hit them onto the couch gay as well you got the rainbow Oreos yeah I put them in I put them in the closet they're good Oreos are no Oreos are good chips avoiding cookies milk every time I'm not eating a cookie if there's no like tried the fork like on the side in the cream that's the best I'm such a milk and cookie said you take a so you take a bite of the dry cookie but he just said like milk and cookies now talk to me talk to me talk to it to be to be caught to be caught eating them. He's the Brian gnome of cookies take a bite of the dry cookie and then you dip it in milk because it the milk can like saturate the cookie way more if it's saturated like with really crispy like homemade chocolate chip cookies like if you're if your old lady burns them take a bite then put it in the milk. Yeah cookies go hard dude cookies that's probably the best dessert you know it's really a brookie the brownie cookie de brookie holy fuck de brookie de brookie udante or what are they called like slutty brownies or whatever yeah yeah it'll go retarded like the little tiny fucking skillet with Oreo and brownies.

SPEAKER_06 41:50

Yeah I didn't have it sweet too until I got like older same dude I liked all sours like growing up like I liked a I liked some candies but like I didn't like sweets and like cake and all that.

SPEAKER_03 42:01

And if I ate ice cream it was just plain vanilla ice cream popcorn and peanut MMs oh yeah mix them together rather that's that's a combination of all time for sure I'll do the when I go to the movies it's like the uh uh it's it's like the cookies and cream like red box they used to sell them in high school like when they would do like the fairs and shit you know what I'm talking about the cookie dough cookie dough ones I'll put those in the in the popcorn that shit's gas too it's very good those are good it's very fucking good I was trying to fuck up some popcorn last night yeah Payton's fucking watching the fuck out of Love Island yeah and I'm like and I won't hop on I won't do it but that is goy slop that is like straight up goy slop I'm not gonna watch that shit I watched the one season with Rob because Rob was kind of cute dude Rob got me bro he did I was on that I was on and as soon as he got voted off I brought I cut it off I threw a little mini fit in the living room I cut it off dude I'm not watching why they do him like that.

SPEAKER_06 42:57

Don't tell you don't dude look a baby like everybody pull up pull up pull up cutie patootie Rob right now Robin dude yeah Robin dude brown hair the way he would make eye contact with the girls when he was talking I would like flutter my feet a little bit in the middle puppy dog eyes bruh you remember when he remember when he fucking uh he got like butter and he wouldn't be fooled by himself and like hit under the thing? Yeah he was like pouting yeah like took the mic off funny as fuck I felt bad for him dude bad for Rob like how you felt bad for clap this was yeah this would easily in the cloud dude look at him it's it's weird it's so weird seeing my twin just up on the screen like that guy's way cuter than you bro but if it was me you and uh Rob locked in a room together first of all dream come true but second of all but second of all dude you will be a cuck like in that day every every every fit that he's wearing is wild. He dresses like Alan dressed in high school yeah do you remember do you remember we were at uh we were at seven

SPEAKER_03 44:00

Marcus and Alan was oh dude it was it was fucking Brady. He do you remember the the pair of overalls? The striped ones, the boy in the striped pajamas. He put those on with like Timberland Nike Air Force wands and no shutter underneath, just like raw chut. This is when he got like jacked and lean and all that. And he was like, Does this shit look cool? And he was like new to being like in shape. So we're like, yeah, bro, like this shit looks cool. 15 minutes into being outside in the college town, somebody drives by and they say, Nice overalls, faggot. And Alan, bro, Alan is uh very, very uh he doesn't he doesn't like when people are mean to him. So he chases his car down a foot full sprint, chasing the car. Obviously, they're fucking gone. And he comes back and he's like, I fucking asked you guys if this should look good, and you're talking about he's chafing in the overalls.

SPEAKER_01 44:51

He's like straight up mad at us. He blamed it on y'all. He's cool.

SPEAKER_06 44:55

The funny thing is, is like knowing him, like if you would have told him no, that doesn't look good, he probably would have like tried to beat the fuck out of y'all.

SPEAKER_03 45:01

Yeah, Alan, this is man, he punched me in the fucking face one time and it hurt over some pool basketball, man. Not cool.

SPEAKER_02 45:09

I was being very brave with his outfit. Yeah, that's that's how he felt.

SPEAKER_03 45:14

Then he got called a faggot. Oh, no one's gonna care. If they don't like my outfit, they probably won't say anything. I miss that guy so much. I missed the fuck out of Alan, bro. That was his best character trait. Best and worst was if anybody had a problem, it was immediately like, okay, we can fight. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Very Roman. Yeah. Very Roman lifestyle. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 45:35

He was in another lifestyle, he would have pillaged a village. Yeah. Like 100%.

SPEAKER_03 45:40

Yeah. Yeah. I've got I've got too much to say about that guy. What a guy. I miss him. Oh man.

SPEAKER_09 45:47

I think we all miss Alan.

SPEAKER_03 45:49

We did.

SPEAKER_06 45:50

One day we're gonna have Alan on the podcast. No.

SPEAKER_03 45:54

You don't think so, bro? No. I told him when I was doing like comedy and doing a podcast, and he said, uh, what made you want to do that with a bunch of laughing faces? Alright, dickhead. Thanks. I said the same thing about your overalls.

SPEAKER_01 46:07

Yeah, they made you want to wear those overalls, dude. There's overalls faggot. I wonder if you remember.

SPEAKER_03 46:11

He's got to live with that. It's probably stuck in his head.

SPEAKER_01 46:14

That's what made him spiral.

SPEAKER_03 46:18

My friends hate me. They told me these overalls look good. I'm gonna have to listen back to this.

SPEAKER_02 46:25

No, you think we're fucking retarded. Don't dude chasing after you in overalls. Like, if you're in the passenger scene and be like, nice overalls faggot.

SPEAKER_03 46:33

You see just a giant jack guy like sprinting in the mirror. Fuck, go, go, go!

SPEAKER_01 46:39

He's gonna break your fucking mirror.

SPEAKER_02 46:40

At the same time, like if I'm if I'm an instigator, that's the exact reaction I want. Yeah. It's like, dude, I'm in the car. He's not gonna catch us.

SPEAKER_01 46:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 46:50

His range of motion is way too limited in those overalls.

SPEAKER_03 46:53

You honk at somebody and then they get pissed off back at you, and you're like, oh fuck, dude. It's kind of scary now.

SPEAKER_06 46:59

Dude, like that is one of my biggest fears is uh like uh what's it called? Road rage.

SPEAKER_01 47:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 47:05

Like I'm scared to use my horn because I'm like, what if this person that I do honk at is like he's the one person that's like, let somebody fucking honk at me today. I don't want to end their life. They just get out and just unleash 12 rounds into my car.

SPEAKER_03 47:25

What the fuck are you honking at, dickhead? But like you're completely in the wrong. Yeah. So there's some people that like take it a little bit further and they'll kill you. Sideswipe you, shoot you, yeah, all that stuff.

SPEAKER_06 47:34

Kenzie I've seen one too one too many videos of like people like killing someone due to road rage.

SPEAKER_03 47:41

Yeah, it's crazy.

SPEAKER_06 47:41

So I'm always just like, ah, let him cut me off. It's fine.

SPEAKER_03 47:45

That's my personality. He drove through a parade over road, they closed the road, and he was like trying to get home from work. And he had like dash cam for whatever reason, so recorded the whole thing. He was like, Oh, he was on the phone with his wife. He was like, Oh fuck, fuck this. He drove through the fucking parade. He just ran them all over. He ran over people, he like hit some stuff and got arrested. Yeah, he was on some crazy shit.

SPEAKER_01 48:09

He said fuck this. Yeah, he said fuck this. He audibly said fuck this and then killed people all over his wife, dude. I don't know what the fuck. Fuck this, dude.

SPEAKER_03 48:23

He was like one of those guys who just I guess just didn't care. Or maybe on like a terrible day and he was like, fuck this fuck up. But he definitely didn't give a fuck.

SPEAKER_01 48:31

Dude, sometimes that's so crazy. It's like I don't know. Fuck this and just kill people.

SPEAKER_06 48:43

Sometimes, dude, it's like sometimes like I'll drop food on the floor and like try to clean it off, and I'll just say fuck this and eat it anyway. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 48:50

Just imagine just looking like fuck this and just kill people. That's crazy. That's crazy. That's fucking nuts, dude. I'll say pull that up.

SPEAKER_03 49:03

I'm just like, you probably can't find that anywhere though. I'll just send it to you guys tonight. Do y'all know who Gavin McInnis is? No. That sounds really familiar. He's uh he's like a political figure in some way, but he was uh he was on like some kind of like live news thing where it's like all the four squares, everybody's kind of like video chatting together. Yeah, he's saying how he's like a tri-citizen um in England, America, and somewhere somewhere else. And some lady is like, Yeah, you can't do that, you can only be a dual citizen. And he was like, Oh, then how am I doing it, you stupid bitch? And they're like, everybody freaked out, and they're like, What did you say? I called her a dumb fucking bitch. You double down on it. It reminds me of like being drunk and like arguing uh with Kenzie.

SPEAKER_01 49:51

Then how am I doing it you fucking bitch?

SPEAKER_02 49:54

It's fun as the only exception. I mean, if you can be a tri a tri-citizen, then like what I mean that's the most valid answer.

SPEAKER_06 50:01

That's how that exactly how that guy talked to her. That's how I talked to like all my bar guests, like straight up, that's how I talked. If they like try to give me a hard time or say, like, bro, this one bitch asked me for like a glass of champagne, and I opened the champagne and poured it and brought it to her, and she was like, What's that? You can go ahead and guess on this one, also. She goes, What's that? And I was like, This is champagne. And she goes, I was like, This is champagne. She goes, That ain't champagne. And I said, Alright, what is it then? And she just looked at it and just like, well, it ain't champagne. I was like, You said what is it? She was like, I don't know what it is. I was like, it's champagne. She goes, That ain't champagne. I was like, okay, what is it then? And I just like went back and forth there. She got the manager involved, she was pissed the fuck off. And it was champagne.

SPEAKER_02 50:43

The bottle said champagne on it. Yes. It was champagne. Did you show her that?

SPEAKER_06 50:46

Like, no, dude, I want to argue. Fair. Like, I do want to argue. She was just trying to get her a whole meal for free.

SPEAKER_02 50:53

Dude, I I remember that shit from working at specifically.

SPEAKER_06 51:00

I'm gonna go ahead and bleep that out. Go ahead and finish.

SPEAKER_02 51:03

That I remember like working at that restaurant back in the day, former alumni uh working at that restaurant. And uh like people felt very entitled because it was like a hometown spot to get free shit. Where I didn't experience that working because I worked at probably like four other restaurants, just like throughout college and shit like that. And it was there especially, like, people felt like they were fucking like a minority shareholder or something like that. It's insane, yeah. It's insane, and they let it slide too. Honestly, that's that's what it was. People they would let it slide.

SPEAKER_06 51:34

Dude, the other day I had to cut somebody off at work. Like he had he came in, and I'm talking like within 20 minutes, he chugged like five beers. And uh he ordered the sixth one, and I was like, also, yeah, and it is fine, but like Casey's right here, dude. Like my I know, but like when I'm at work, I thought we were in the house. We're not like a bar, we're like a restaurant, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 51:56

Yeah, if you're gonna get shit house, you gotta go.

SPEAKER_06 51:58

You gotta go to a bar, dude. Like this isn't you know, and then there's kids at the bar top. What are you doing?

SPEAKER_02 52:02

What if he's cool like that? What if he's just like handling it like a champ, though?

SPEAKER_06 52:05

He was, bro. Actually, he wasn't because whenever I uh I was like, hey, my managers said I can't really I'm not we have a drink limit. You gotta order food, you can't do that. My fucking wife called the manager. No, bro. He's really he started motherfucking me to death, bro. Really? No, bro. And the two guys speaking of uh five beers, he would be will you hand me my fourth, please? Yeah, bro, give him a go pat me a beer, too, man. The two guys next to him like were his like friends, so they like tagged in with I felt it was like real rumble shit. It was like three on one. They were like all motherfucking me to death. It was kind of pissing me off.

SPEAKER_03 52:35

I mean, I feel like as a friend, you gotta be like, all right, man, like chill. Let's go down the street to the 50 fucking sports bars over here. That's what I'm saying, bro. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 52:43

I don't know. It was but the manager got involved, bro, and like they're also they're motherfucking everybody, bro. It's not a it's not a bar.

SPEAKER_03 52:53

I mean, yeah. If you're gonna be good drinks, you gotta be with your family sitting at a table to get shit faced at a place like that, which is doable. Yeah, everybody's drinking and there's like a vibe at the table, that passes. No, but the thing is, sitting at a bar of a restaurant and getting fucked up is crazy.

SPEAKER_06 53:08

If you can hold if you don't make a scene out of it and you don't someone says, Hey, you're cut off, you say, All right, dude, I get it, just go drink somewhere else. Leave. You know what I mean? You and your friends go drink somewhere else. But if like you, if you like say, Hey, do we have a drink limit? It's not my choice. I'm sorry. Yeah, but we have a drink limit, I can't serve you right now, and you start motherfucking me to death. Now the next time I'm just gonna cut you off even sooner. Like, no, I'm just like, I'm not gonna serve you again, because you're gonna come in here with like a bad taste in your mouth, as is. Yeah. This place fucking cut me off last time. You know what I mean? Like, be cool about it.

SPEAKER_03 53:38

Yeah, but normal people, I feel like normal people don't go back to places where they get cut off because in itself, even if you don't make a scene, it's a little embarrassing. It's embarrassing to be like, I was when you do it.

SPEAKER_06 53:52

Yeah, like you gotta he was making such a scene too. He was like, Yeah, I was like, Hey, we have a drink clip and I can't cut you off anymore. And immediately he was like, Six fucking beers. They cut hey, they cut me off as six fucking beers. You believe this? They cut me off at six motherfucking beers. That's how it was, dude. And there's like everybody at the bar top was like looking at him, and I was like, Holy shit, bro.

SPEAKER_03 54:11

No, you should have you should have like me, like my instinct would be to be like, dude, I know, right? Yeah, like no, I do. I was trying to play cool. I want to I want to give you as much beer as you want. I think you're cool. I think what you're doing is awesome, dude. I think like getting fucked up at a place like this is like you're like a pioneer, dude. You're fucking awesome. Yeah. Every girl in here wants to fuck you. Yeah, the manager, the manager over there actually is he has a problem with you. Yeah, he said you're a beer.

SPEAKER_04 54:35

Bro, all my managers are like they suffer from alcoholism. They're all like drunks.

SPEAKER_03 54:38

They're mad that you drink when we close, they're gonna they want to drink that beer. You're taking their beer while they're cutting you off.

SPEAKER_06 54:44

They watched you open that beer and they said, Hey, actually cut that guy off. You're gonna save that beer for themselves. Like they they're drinking. Well, that's how I want to talk to them. And I do tell him I'm like, it's not up to me, bro. Like, I'm sorry. If it was up to me, bro, I'd give you as many beers as you want, but I'm not gonna lose my job over this. Like, I can't do it. And they fucking hate me.

SPEAKER_02 55:00

Dude, honestly, between you and me up right now. Between you and me, we're you're pretty fucking awesome, dude. Let's do let's go do donuts in the parking lot. You have your keys on you, you're driving tonight, right?

SPEAKER_06 55:09

Gosh, bro, I bet your seats in your car go all the way back, and you just get your shit sucked off all the time.

SPEAKER_03 55:14

I mean, yes, your wife's a bitch. Yeah. I know. Pound it, brother. I know. Pound it, dude. I know.

SPEAKER_06 55:18

Hey man, I'm in the same boat as you. I'm getting a 12-pack on the way home tonight, and it's my fifth time doing it this week.

SPEAKER_03 55:23

We're in the same boat. Let's turn it into a party boat, brother. What are you doing after this?

SPEAKER_06 55:25

Hey, actually, you ever heard of room tip beers?

SPEAKER_03 55:28

There's a gas station across the street. Go get a 12-pack. When I get off, I'm gonna meet up with you. We'll get drunk and fight. And I'm gonna beat the fuck out of you. Yeah, hell yeah.

SPEAKER_00 55:38

Beautiful. Yeah, they got Americans.

SPEAKER_06 55:40

Drunk people, like they if I was a sober person, I think drunk people uh would like they would think they would piss me off a lot.

SPEAKER_03 55:47

Drunk people?

SPEAKER_06 55:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 55:48

Yeah, that's what like you if you get invited somewhere after 10 p.m. and they've already been drinking, you just stay home. Because you it's impossible to catch up and it's gonna just be annoying. Yeah, it's gotta be there from the start. You gotta drink at the same level as other people are doing, or more. You gotta either be annoying, be the annoying one, or uh that's your only option, is to be annoying or the anxiety is crazy too. Dude, I'm getting it so bad nowadays. Really? It's terrible.

SPEAKER_06 56:14

Because you'd be saying actually you've called it off a lot. The first like 10 times we recorded, the next day you're like, dude, I don't we can't air that. I was crazy as shit. And luckily we lost all of it.

SPEAKER_01 56:26

We lost all those eight episodes.

SPEAKER_03 56:28

But I was I was saying the most insane shit. The other night in bed, uh Kenzie, one of the our clips popped up on the thing where I was talking about not gonna say it again because I don't want to say it twice, but she was like, Can you say that? And I was like, say what? What are you watching? Which one is that? She was like and she showed me and I was like, I don't know.

SPEAKER_06 56:49

Is it the one you texted us about? Is that why you texted us? Say like how do we feel?

SPEAKER_03 56:52

This was before, and then I I got hit again with like, Can you say that? And I was like, I don't know. It's a comedy pot, dude.

SPEAKER_06 56:59

It's just not in the ice job sleep, and dude. Dante, you say it right now on the microphone. Say it, say it. Say it, please. Nigga. Yay, we can say it, dude. Dante can say it. Dante can say it. Dante can say it.

SPEAKER_02 57:12

The silkiest smooth N-word you ever heard on the air. Silkiest smooth.

SPEAKER_06 57:16

This is silkiest black guy, too. He is yeah, y'all can't see him uh yet.

SPEAKER_03 57:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 57:22

Actually, I I feel like we gotta we gotta like build up the thirst. Like, I want to be like a hundred episodes deep, and then like the Dante whatever like this. We're gonna gate keep Dante off camera until like and then like when until he has like a harem of bitches, of e-bitches. Then we're like Dante face reveal.

SPEAKER_06 57:40

Dante's inferno, he's white the whole time. Yeah. Fuck, they got a long, they got away with this for eight episodes. Dante's albino.

SPEAKER_02 57:51

Yeah, who who is that that like Twitter like activist guy who like people were arguing was white. I forget.

SPEAKER_06 57:58

Uh I all know is Rachel Leland.

SPEAKER_02 58:01

Oh, Rachel Dolezol. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 58:02

That's what I that's the only one I know.

SPEAKER_02 58:05

Dude, that shit was crazy. She was like a part of the NAACP.

SPEAKER_06 58:08

Dude, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 58:09

She was like doing more for black people than like than Obama did. Than like a lot of like the majority of black people.

SPEAKER_06 58:15

And then like her parents like out of there. She was like, this bitch. Dude, she was doing so well that I think her parents actually thought she was black for a minute.

SPEAKER_02 58:23

I her parents, like, I don't know, like her parents just blew her shit up. Like, no, no, no, no, this is not it. Like, we lived in Africa for like two months on some missionary.

SPEAKER_06 58:32

That's what it was. Yeah. I'm surprised your mom didn't do that when they went on their little trek to Africa.

SPEAKER_03 58:37

Dude, she was sending me videos of like Africans like singing to her, and she was like, I'm so emotional, I'm gonna cry. And then but uh she's getting away. We would already spot it. We kind of like raised bait her a little bit because like she was very like she, I I guess she like found some sort of peace over there or something. We're like, Are you okay? Like, who are these people? Are they hurting you? Like we need to call somebody. She's like, No, they're so nice, they're the locals. And I was like, I think they were trying to hurt you. She's like, they're not, they're not, I trust them. She was like, drunk as hell. I trust them with my life.

SPEAKER_06 59:08

Ten seconds? A time? Okay. Uh let's take a break. We'll be right back. Alright, yeah. Uh yeah, last episode you got a little too drunk or what?

SPEAKER_03 59:19

No, no, it had nothing to do with my driving. I was driving fine. Uh yes, I got pulled over, pulling out of my neighborhood. And I was drunk as hell. But I know how to drive drunk. Uh obviously.

SPEAKER_02 59:33

Some people can do it, some people can't.

SPEAKER_03 59:34

Exactly. And that's a yeah. A few small beers. A few small beers, exactly, dude. Exactly. It's a lesbian cop. I kept on I was trying to be like uber respectful and I kept on saying like yes, ma'am. But I like she like definitely wanted like she's a masked lesbian. So I was kinda kind of fucked up there, but I think she recognized her the respect and like took what she got.

SPEAKER_02 59:55

Lesbian cops, she was double strapped, huh? Shorty was dual wielding.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:01

Yeah, she came to the window and she's like, Do you know why I pulled you over? And I was like, No, I have no idea. She was like, Your registration is expired, and also your license plate light, the left side is out. And I was like, Okay, like a that's easy fixes on both of those. She's like, Yeah, all right, let me have your stuff and I'll go run it. And then she ran it, and then she brought it back. She was like, Yeah, just get it taken care of. Have a nice night. Turn on the music, yeah. Turn my music back on. I wish I was white so far. I'm telling you, dude.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:27

I'm telling you, try harder.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:29

Sunscreen.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:29

Oh gosh, I wish I was white so bad.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:32

What is the white like what is the whitest you can make yourself? Me?

SPEAKER_06 1:00:36

Yeah, like probably driving around with a golf shirt. Like a polo. Yeah, yeah, I got like one of the.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:46

One of those golf shirts that has like it says like shell on it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:49

I need to put it, I need to get a Blue Lives Matter sticker.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:52

You could probably like Honestly, I like Thrift like a like a pipeline golf shirt, like Exxon open or something like that. Yeah. Yeah. Like, oh, he's just keep it in the in a little MAG. MAGA hat, dude. He's one of the brothers.

SPEAKER_06 1:01:05

I gotta get a MAGA hat. The yeah, uh MAG is a the golden ticket out of everything.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:10

Protect the blue. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:01:12

Well though the uh imagine me with like the American flag, but with the blue stripe on it, you know, like the cop American flag one. And just put it on the back of my Volkswagen driving around with it.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:23

Is there a way you can get like the counterfeit like 100 stickers for like donating to the fleet? You can they sell those on Facebook. Dude, Etsy, there's gotta be an Etsy person just fucking cranking those out.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:35

Rolling in dough, bro. Well, everybody in Pasadena has one.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:38

This guy's donated like I'm like I'm a picture, like I'm on like my old car. Like this guy's in a Ford Focus and he donated one million dollars. He's got the whole I can't even see you out of the back windshield. Caustic. This guy's giving up his visibility. He has no rear uh like a backup mirror, uh, backup camera. He can't see out of his rear.

SPEAKER_06 1:02:07

Yeah, but uh Seeker Group, you're gonna go back?

SPEAKER_03 1:02:10

Yes, on Wednesday, Wednesday night. Hell yeah. The boys the boys going back.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:18

More open mics. Dude. So, like, it was very fitting that I had my mushroom trip last weekend, you know? Uh, because I got humbled the other day. I did get humbled. I was I was putting a little bit too much dip on my chip. Uh I've been doing stand-up probably like two months. And I get the bomb. And I had like and I took I took my first L. I took my first L at uh the comedy competition, the open the minute mic or whatever. Um again, another pretty full room. And uh it was like the fullest roster I'd seen as far as like it was more comics than last time. I would say there's probably 18 people in the comics. And to be fair, I would say probably half them like also bombed. Okay, that's good. So it was a tough crowd. It was a tougher crowd. It was like a definitely like a younger, like it was a younger crowd in the sense of like one, like no one was really fucked up yet. The show started sooner than it did last time. Like the show started at like fucking ten last time, dude. Yeah. Uh this one started like nine on the dot, basically. And uh definitely like people like tensed up over any kind of like like a lot of jokes. Really? And the person who went before me, he did win the whole thing, I will say. He was fucking he was he was electric up there, yeah. That's sick. It was just like a five-three, very confident, gay black guy. Those are the worst. Yeah, it's hard to beat. Everybody loves him.

SPEAKER_06 1:03:49

How are you five three and gay and confident and black?

SPEAKER_02 1:03:53

Yeah, like and his off the cuff shit was like really funny. So like there was a comic who went before him and like made a joke about like gay people shooting or whatever, like like pew pew, pew, pew.

SPEAKER_05 1:04:05

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:07

And uh, and like he gets on stage immediately after and he's like, he's like, and we're I own a gun and I don't shoot like that, okay? I could just like very, very good on the spot. Like he was he was he was killing it. But uh yeah, man, I I fucking bomb.

SPEAKER_06 1:04:21

I got I got ice but when you say bomb, like did you bomb eyes?

SPEAKER_02 1:04:26

Or is it just like all right, this doesn't get first joke right off the bat, like just I try to do the same shit of like alright, get on stage and like uh say make a remark about the crowd or whatever's current or whatever did not go well. And then I did like went into my set and like got a couple chuckles, like just a couple, and then I was like, man, I can hear the AC is sounding loud as fuck right now. Uh and then and then the timer went off before I got to like my punchline, so I just got like Oh, you didn't even get to get your punchline in? Like, not like I need to like get to like my best punch lines and uh and or like the main punchline of the of the shit. I just just got a it is it sucks.

SPEAKER_06 1:05:06

It's tough because like the one minute show, dude, the minute goes by quick.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:10

It goes by quick, but you know, normally they let you go a little bit over, and it was like right on the minute. They're like get out of here. I guess because they had more comics that night.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:18

That's probably that probably. That was probably that.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:20

There were it was I will say it was cool because there were a couple people, in addition to the guy who won, there was one guy who like after after the show, like after they announced the winner, uh the host was like, Hey, shout out to this guy for coming out. Like, he's like a legit working touring comedian. He was like, it was nice of him to stop in. So we have like a like a legit like pro among everybody. But the Riot's like a big club, yeah, yeah. Like he's like big in Houston. He's like, like the host who's also like open for like big names like Russell Peters and shit like that. He was like, Hey, I learned a lot from this guy to stop in. Like, shout out to this guy, follow him on Instagram, like and he was fucking hilarious. But dude, even he was having a tough time. The first round.

SPEAKER_06 1:06:00

I wasn't even sure if you was gonna get like make it the after the first like round of people, but it's gonna be tough too, because like if I go up there and I'm doing like my minute and I do really well and I'm the first person that went and there's 18 other people or 17 other people, I feel like they'll forget about me. You know what I mean? Yeah, I'd rather go last.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:19

Yeah, but at the same time, like if people do badly, then like they for sure like they're out.

SPEAKER_06 1:06:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:23

Yeah. Uh but I will say later that night at uh when I went to Secret Group, again, one of the fuller times that I've I've been there to Secret Group, I crushed harder than I ever have. Really? Yes. So that was like I I I I got my get back, but that felt really good. I wouldn't have been able to like just chill at home and be like, alright, well I'm gonna go do my evening routine and shit. Oh go read a book. You got home and you're like, I gotta get some pussy. I yeah, I need to get my dick sucked on stage. Fuck yeah. Beautiful. So that felt good.

SPEAKER_06 1:06:56

But like, did it like did it fucking after okay, so after you bombed, were you like, oh fuck, this sucks? Or were you just like, alright, whatever. I'm just gonna try, I'm just gonna scrap that, maybe try something else.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:05

Um, it's it really sucked for like five minutes, and then and then I'm like, well, I'm I'm actually I'm literally dead inside, so it just does not matter. There you go. And got in my car, fucking cranked up the West Side gun. Oh yeah. Went home, uh crushed a beer, and uh went to Secret Group, and that was it. You do better at Secret Group, you regather? Yeah, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I was saying. Like, I guess. Oh, the next oh, that was the same night we're gonna get it. Yeah, yeah. The same night, the next set. That was like probably my best one.

SPEAKER_06 1:07:36

Fuck yeah. Alright, sweet.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:37

Alright.

SPEAKER_06 1:07:38

And they gave me five minutes too. You did the whole five too?

SPEAKER_02 1:07:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:07:42

Damn boy.

unknown 1:07:43

Whew!

SPEAKER_06 1:07:44

So that I think I might have five minutes worth of shit right now, but I would forget a minute into it.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:49

Dude, like if it felt good because like that the when I when I had the five, like the last minute, like I was like actually able to just riff a little bit and like write on stage. Fuck yeah. Which like, you know, you'll hear people talk about like riding on stage or whatever. Yeah. I'm like, oh, maybe I'll keep that one or something like that. So that was that felt good. I I needed that W afters. Especially going into like a alright, I'm like I'm gonna I'm gonna do mushrooms this weekend, I'm gonna chill out. Like, I think I would have had a worse weekend if I hadn't like I ended up only getting fucking two hours of sleep though. So that sucked. I was just yeah, dude.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:21

We went to Secret Group or whatever we did a couple weeks ago. The next day at work sucked so fucking bad. Yeah. Inside of Popeyes. It's fucking terrible. Yeah, it was the worst. Yeah, I was getting like grumpy, I was being kind of mean to him.

SPEAKER_06 1:08:40

That's the one thing that does suck is like all the open boxes are super fucking late. Yeah. But like fuck it. I mean, it's okay for me at least, like, because like I can I don't have a nine to five, so like, alright, fuck it. I'm tired of sleeping the next day if I have to. Yeah. But lately I ain't been sleeping in, dude. Yeah. Lately I've been getting up and I've been fucking running, dog. What are you running from? Dude, the fucking ice, bro. Ice. Trump's knocking down, dog. I'm telling you, bro, I'm getting darker. They're getting quick. Yeah, they're getting better, bro. No, fuck, uh, I don't know. I don't know what it was, but like two weeks ago, like, I I was at work, dude. I was at work the other like two weeks ago, and uh I walked by like the mirror at work and I saw my love handles through my shirt, and I like grabbed them and I was like, oh fuck, this has gotta go. This has gotta go right now. And then like I immediately I was like, you know what? Fuck this. I'm up in my cardio like hella, and I'm gonna like fucking kill it over the rest of the summer, and I'm gonna lift heavy and I'm gonna like shred down again. So like I I was like, I had like an itch to start running. Yeah, and I've been doing three miles a day. I've done it six times this week. Very nice. And um fucking 18 miles. Yeah, I've been through three miles a day. I've done 18 miles so far. Yeah, let's go.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:45

Well, you uh you got winded during sex, huh? Do what? You got winded during sex haunt. That was the real that was the real catalyst. Yeah, that's what it was. That's what it was, dude.

SPEAKER_06 1:09:54

You got a fat man cramping over his doggy stuff. You heard a you heard a wheeze. Yeah. Yeah, it was as yeah. I used to be able to get it.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:00

Yeah, baby, the F stands for fucking.

SPEAKER_06 1:10:03

No, it was just because like my stomach was hitting her ass before my dick was. Like that it makes it sound like that.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:10

The claps were coming from the top side.

SPEAKER_06 1:10:12

It's like whenever your feet get stuck on the bathtub when it's wet and this does the suction cup thing. That's what it sounded like, but it was just my stomach hitting her ass.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:22

You're like your own like like like belly sweat, like ricocheted and hit you in the lid.

SPEAKER_06 1:10:28

God, I'd kill myself.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:29

That's not pussy juices, right there.

SPEAKER_06 1:10:30

That's that's all me. That's not discharge, that's all Alec right there. Nah, bro. I've just been I don't know what it is. Gage has been talking about like how he's been you know how Gage is. Gage is the fucking biggest instigator like ever. Like he knows how to say the right thing to you to get you locked in. He's always uh it but he hates it when you do it back to him. Oh yeah, he hates it. He fucking is it. He fucking I told him that you you said whenever we went to Twin Peaks and you're like uh the guy that directed uh obsession, you're like, this looks like Gage if someone drew him from memory. I told him that Gage was like, fuck, I'm an ugly motherfucker, that fucking sucks, dude. And I was like, yeah. I was like, no, you're cute, bro.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:11

No, I mean like it's like it's a poorly drawn, like it's a like when AI makes an image with like six fingers or some shit like that.

SPEAKER_06 1:11:19

Dude, Kyle looks like a catfish. Like he's just got he's like weird looking, bro. I don't know?

SPEAKER_03 1:11:26

No, Curry Curry Barker, I think it was like Curry Barker, Barker, whatever the fuck.

SPEAKER_06 1:11:33

No, but I don't know. Like I've just been locked in, dude. I fucking and I'm still moving weight too. Like I was scared, like if I started like upping my cardio, I was gonna lose my strength. Because like it feels so good to be like a strong guy, like it feels sick, but like I would go run three miles and I don't know what it was, but I would feel better at the gym after I ran. And I like repped 105 dumbbells for like sets of six, and I was like, holy fuck. I've never done that before, but I felt like I could do it that day. Yeah, and I've done it like six times this week.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:00

Until you're like super lean, then like that's when like it really starts to take away. Yeah. From your like six pack from your like str like strength gains. Well, brother, you got 18 pack over here.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:11

Hey, I got four pack and a bug of freeze right now. The fuck is this pay? No, it's just pay right now.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:17

Bye bye, right? Six packs don't take long to get. Give me my fucking keys. I'll get one over here right now.

SPEAKER_06 1:12:27

No, but it's fun. Like, um, I do I've I felt like the I've experienced my first runner high like a couple days ago. Because it usually takes me like half an hour. Like my three miles. Imagine being black and running from the cops. It's a high like you've never felt.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:44

On PCP running from the cops? Yeah. That's runner size. You're running a six-minute mile.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:49

I was running low.

SPEAKER_06 1:12:50

Evading the law. No, I was like uh halfway through, and uh like my cramp like went away, and I got like a second stride, and I like picked up my pace, and I was like, this this is gotta be what they're talking about.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:02

I think you're dying, bro.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:05

If there's any Kentucky, Kentucky Derby horses listening to this, I think that they'd completely agree.

SPEAKER_06 1:13:13

I don't know, bro. It's been fun.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:14

I got I got a cramp while I was running, and then it went away, and then I got I saw like one of my my deceased relatives and uh saw a juice world. Yeah, and it was really cool, dude. I think I got my runners high. Yeah, I thought I heard God talk to me.

SPEAKER_06 1:13:28

Oh my goodness. It's been sick, bro. Casey, I was talking to you too about going to the gym at 6 a.m. What's up with that? Did you quit?

SPEAKER_03 1:13:35

You switch up or what? Dude, I've got so much fun stuff going on. It's so hard to be serious with myself. I'm yeah, dude, I'm in a I was very serious for a little bit. Uh I was going to the gym five days a week, blah, blah, blah. But then I started having fun again. Yeah. I was like, bruh. This kills it. Let me just hang out. This kills it, bro. This does kill it. Speaking of fun, are you off work tomorrow? No, but I've been pondering calling in because I really want to watch France or Norway tomorrow at 2 p.m. That's all I was gonna say. I want to get drunk.

SPEAKER_06 1:14:02

He's off work. Are you off work, right? But the thing is I'm off work. I gotta call it. If anything, me and you can watch the games together. Alright, alright, alright. No, no, not without me. I'm calling in. All right, yeah. Here we go. Hold on. Here it is.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:12

I've already taken two days off. I've got PTO.

SPEAKER_04 1:14:15

Now the use is the PTO day.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:16

Yeah. What's crazy is Kinsey doesn't know this, but my my PTO, I'm not having any pay time off during my wedding. I've been using the fuck out of it. I'm gonna get married. That was close. Uh I will not be paid while I'm getting married. I will be spending money and not making any.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:36

She was she was she was throwing dirt on your name in the fitness realm on your birthday. And I was I was like, he'll throw you out of a window right now, alright?

SPEAKER_06 1:14:44

Or whenever she was telling you to get in whatever shape you want to get in right now.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:47

Yeah, yeah. I was like, I I'll be.

SPEAKER_06 1:14:49

I know like your like drunk ears heard like you're fat as fuck.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:54

No, it's like uh like when you're telling me like get in whatever shape you want to get in, it's like like obviously I've chosen not to go to the gym for almost three months now. Here I am. Here am I here am I here am I here am I? Here am I uh don't look at me in my face while I'm drinking beers and watching soccer and tell me the fucking I don't know. Good message, wrong place, wrong time. I'm I'm sitting here watching a game, drinking beers with my friends, talking about like, alright, well when are you gonna get in shape? It's like I'm about to fucking whoop your ass into shape right now, bitch.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:27

There is like that's what I'm talking about. There is a sense of pride to like still making it to the gym. Yeah. And like and like doing drugs and like getting fucked up and like being a goofy fucking like still being like a silly ass fucking dude, not like oh I gotta fucking wake up and I gotta run like my uh I gotta do my kettlebells and I gotta do my fucking cryo chamber or whatever.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:48

There's a there's a window of being too attractive to be found funny by guys.

unknown 1:15:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:58

If you're like Matt Reif. If you're like, which I don't really think Matt Reif is really all that. Matt Rife's not that funny, dude. Yeah. He is quick witted. I remember he's quick witted. Yeah, he's quick witted. But imagine if he was ugly as fuck and telling the jokes we'd be like, ha ha. That's funny. But it's some handsome guy who's like trying to appeal to like black ladies for some reason. It's like this fucking this is.

SPEAKER_06 1:16:18

He's thought they're having a lot of work done on his face, too.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:20

Yeah, he's gonna but like there's there's a thing with guys where like ugly guys are the funniest. They are like Chris Farley, like Adam Sandler's like he he was so ugly but funny that he like wrote himself into Adam Sandler, is that ugly? Is Adam Sandler? Adam Sandler's ugly.

SPEAKER_06 1:16:38

Maybe it's because this movie he writes himself as like the most charming, handsome, like I get on the pussy kind of guy in every movie. Exactly what I'm saying. Damn, he get he gas looked at it.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:47

Adam Sandler looks he looks like a Boston Birkenstock. I don't know how to describe it. He looks like he looks like a potato Birkenstock.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:54

It's cool, but I think there's a threshold of how good you can look while being funny to majority.

SPEAKER_06 1:17:00

I get that. That's why whenever Burke Crasher takes a shirt off, everyone laughs.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:04

Hardly anybody anymore. All I hear about Burke Crusher is how he's a fucking like hack.

SPEAKER_06 1:17:08

Dude, there was a there was a part of me that like whenever I went and did the riot. There was a part of me that was like, what if I just got up here, took my shirt off, and was like, when I was uh when I was 18 years old, I got involved with the Russian mafia, this is how it went. Because I feel like people would have laughed. And I'll put my shirt off and be like, does everybody else hate that fucking idiot too? Yeah, yeah. But he's doing way better than me, so I didn't do that.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:29

In some ways, yes, in most ways no. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:31

I'm really like it was like like the we talked about, we've alluded to uh uh one of the Mount Rushmore of just funny ass podcasts, uh come town. I still haven't tuned in. Well, you've I've shot the clips that I've showed you. You've like this is some of the funniest shit ever. Yeah. Uh really funny. Um what's it called? Uh The Bonfire was kind of one of the OGs.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:52

Bonfire's cool. Big J.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:53

Oakerson and Dan Soder. The chemistry they had together. I love Dan Soder. Even being them two being them two being different style comedians, they they definitely played in different rooms. They had great chemistry on that show. Yeah. Uh yeah, they had a really good producer too. Um, but it was it was a radio show too. They do that shit live, which is also impressive.

SPEAKER_06 1:18:12

Yeah, that is impressive.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:13

Um, but uh whatever.

SPEAKER_03 1:18:16

I can't remember what I'm trying to say.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:18

There was a there was a there was a like a segment they did where they had Sebastian Manascalco on, that like a talent comedian, yeah where a list came out of like the 50 hottest comedians or whatever, and they just went through it and just fucking eviscerated like all of them. And it's like it was like the fact like and the reason they got brought up because Dan Soder was on there at like number 20 or something like that. Uh-huh. And uh, and like also like ultimately like I think John Mulaney was listed as like the hottest one, and they're like, what the f John Mulaney? Yeah, I'm like, he's not a bad looking dude, but he's like he like he looks like I don't know, like he looks like a like a kind of like a child at the same time.

SPEAKER_03 1:18:55

I mean, no homo, but it's gotta be like it's gotta be Mark Norman, right?

SPEAKER_04 1:18:58

Mark Norman's yeah, he's pretty decent looking.

SPEAKER_06 1:19:05

Yeah, this is getting gay as well. John Mulaney once again, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:09

We're getting into it.

SPEAKER_03 1:19:10

Which comedian do you want to fuck the most?

SPEAKER_02 1:19:11

Hey, John Mullaney bagged Olivia Munn, and that's like a deep, deep, deep fucking middle school crush. Yeah, butn't her on G4 talk about Halo 2 and shit.

SPEAKER_03 1:19:22

This ties back into like attractiveness versus being funny. Like if if you're like medium, like meh, but you're also funny, you become like a 10. If you're funny and decent looking, you're you're like a valuable asset. And that's I don't I don't know. I feel like imagine being like insanely hot with nothing else. Like you're not funny, you can't. Oh yeah, I think I'll go ahead and cut that. Yeah, I mean, it's gotta be cool to just kind of like fuck whoever you want, but then like whoever you fuck doesn't want to like hang out to you ever again because you're so boring. And it's that has to suck. Yeah. I I don't know. I'm a personality guy.

SPEAKER_06 1:20:01

Anyway, off of the all the hot guys and whatnot. Um hot guys. What are you guys doing for July 4th? Throbbing dicks. Um I'm gonna top it. You're gonna top what? I'm gonna top it, dude. What are you doing for July 4th? Top what? Throbbing dicks, dude. If that's what it takes, you're gonna top another sphere. I'll tell you what I'm doing. You're gonna mount throbbing Dante, ask me what I'm doing July 4th, dude. Oh, yes. Alec, what are you doing July 4th? I'm gonna go see Kanye. Not if the mayor of San Antonio has anything. The mayor of San Antonio can kiss my ass, bro. She's not canceling it. They already had made an announcement. I'm gonna go see Kanye, bro. I got tickets for Kanye.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:34

That is badass. I'll offend you for that because that's pretty fucking good. What does the mayor of San Antonio look like? Mexican.

SPEAKER_02 1:20:40

I feel like if she's not if she's not a torta, she's not representing the population. No. Uh, you know how they say like police officers and like public servants should like represent.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:49

We're gonna look at a picture of the high population. I'm gonna show you somebody who should be the mayor of San Antonio right after this. That's not him. That's her. That's her, yeah. That's her. Okay, now look up uh Shoddy Bay. S-H-A-W-T-Y-B-A-E. Yeah, this should be the mayor of San Antonio.

SPEAKER_06 1:21:05

See how easy that was to type for him? That for sure. 100%. Come on.

unknown 1:21:10

Come on.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:10

How is Dante? Pull up a fat Mexican retard lady. Immediately. It's on the thing. I mean, how much better can I get? Oh, he's doing it. Dude, dude. Dude, he's the goat. Fat Mexican retard lady. I'm looking at these are all black people.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:25

Why are the all black?

SPEAKER_09 1:21:26

Why is this a rapper?

SPEAKER_02 1:21:28

This is not. Why are all black people?

SPEAKER_03 1:21:29

Oh, that's my retarded fat play song. Plate. Talking about retarded fat, please. That's the name of the name of the rapper name retarded fat.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:36

That's the name of the song, or that's the uh I think it's the name of the song. That's a rapper.

SPEAKER_06 1:21:40

Retarded fat song and lyrics.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:42

Well, also, retarded fat, I'm assuming he's talking about some lady's butt. What is her name? Eyeball Red. That makes sense. That makes sense. That's your retarded fat.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:53

How bad is it? That's your retarded fan. No such a man as a few. That's exactly what it is, dude. I know my people. Come on.

SPEAKER_03 1:22:09

$15 at a time. I can't play it. I can't play this beauty. I know my people.

SPEAKER_06 1:22:14

Bro, you're how do you you got the inside scoop on all the blinds? Featuring cash.

SPEAKER_03 1:22:20

Honestly, if my name was Jay, I would for sure. These people, I know them.

SPEAKER_02 1:22:27

Cassius J? Cassius J. I go by like uh that'd be my password for every that'd be my username for everything. Shout out Cash is J. Like whenever, like, what you know, like whenever the bank, like your bank asks, like, oh, do you want a nickname for this account? And you're like, well, who gives a fuck? No, I don't. You know what? Cash is J. Cassius J.

SPEAKER_03 1:22:45

The gay stuff about you, whatever. Whatever we have written down. My uh my username for my bank account is my PlayStation name. For my bank account where I work really hard and put my money into it.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:56

You two?

SPEAKER_01 1:22:56

Dude, let's fucking go. Dude, yeah. Um my bank knows me as McGrady.

SPEAKER_06 1:23:03

KC McGrady. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:12

Gayest thing about I went to a I went to a Mitzi uh Mitsuki concert. Hell is that? It was there was a lot of games. Yeah, a lot of the things. I was gonna say probably like a lot of overlap between the secret group. She was good a lot, she sounded good live. I'm not gonna lie, but like look at the shape of this lady. I definitely looked like a wisdom tooth.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:34

Holy shit. Wow. Hey, hey, but she's working out. She is, yeah. She's just getting in circles. Moving around. Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 1:23:47

Jesus.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:48

Working out how many calories is in 12 wings.

SPEAKER_06 1:23:51

Look at her eye. That's crazy. That's crazy.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:56

Shoddy Babe.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:57

I like this. It's my hall pass. Shorty looks like a shoddy bae, if you can hear me. What you look like?

SPEAKER_03 1:24:06

Shotty Be, if you can hear me, let me get inside you. She's disgusting. Looks like a minion. Like, yeah. Just like she's literally Maria from East Bound It Down.

SPEAKER_01 1:24:15

She does like Maria from eastbound down. Where's Stevie? A GLU. Somewhere throwing the white guy checking on it for sure.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:24

A GLU. Happy fucking food did you lie? Stevie, did you get concert?

SPEAKER_01 1:24:32

So who else have we really fucking bought?

SPEAKER_03 1:24:35

Really all black to express my rage.

SPEAKER_02 1:24:39

You said she she's your she's your hall pass? Yeah. More like your Valhalla pass, because that's where you're going. She sits on your face.

SPEAKER_05 1:24:47

Oh man. Oh shit. What hollow that is.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:50

Hollow truckload of food. It's like a necklace of Mexicans. She got here in a you holler. You holla, I holla. We both fuck.

SPEAKER_02 1:25:02

The actual mayor of San Antonio, I never like she looks like she has this horrible laugh. She's pretty much uh Which is a mean thing to say because it's like Antonio.

SPEAKER_03 1:25:09

Antonio AOC for the most part. She's very progressive.

SPEAKER_06 1:25:13

Yeah, she called to get Kanye's concert cancelled because of his anti-Semitic remarks, but he made graduation.

SPEAKER_03 1:25:18

Yeah. You know who didn't make graduation is probably 60% of San Antonio high schoolers. I would assume.

SPEAKER_02 1:25:26

It's weird doing like the whole like because if you're like progressive, but you're like pro-Palestine, but he's saying anti-Semitic remarks. Oh, speaking of uh Iran or maybe Iraq and maybe like Egypt.

SPEAKER_03 1:25:44

Dante you probably know about this. There's two Middle Eastern teams playing in the World Cup uh in the US, and the US has designated it as Pride Night. And they've sent a request to FIFA to deny any type of pride thing at all at the game.

SPEAKER_08 1:25:58

We just saw how they don't want to war with him right now.

SPEAKER_03 1:26:02

Iran. You've been running. Iran is playing in this World Cup, and they're not doing half bad, to be honest with you. They're hanging in, they're getting I mean, they're getting crushed, but they're doing way better than expected. I'm trying to I'm trying to walk around pairing with like an Iran jersey.

SPEAKER_06 1:26:18

An Iranian jersey? You get spit on. Yeah. They treat you like we treated the Vietnamese. Well, dude, I bet you I wish they would.

SPEAKER_03 1:26:25

The safest place you can wear an Iran jersey is probably London, England. Twin Peaks. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:26:30

I'm gonna pull it. Can I pull Twin Peaks with you guys with Iran jersey? If you come tomorrow, yeah. Okay. I'm actually calling to work tomorrow. No, I'm what what time are you doing this?

SPEAKER_03 1:26:41

2 o'clock p.m. Norway, France. I'm getting fucking hammed. I'm not going to work tomorrow. It's perfect. It's perfect. Dude, we'll go. Let's go get a bagel and coffee before. Come on.

SPEAKER_02 1:26:49

I I would I I I'll fucking work at 95. Like I have the most I have the most predictable schedule after. Yeah, yeah, but they're not gonna fire you, dude. I know they're not, but it would be a really shitty thing to do because we have like so many people out on vacation. We have like an actual skeleton crew at the moment.

SPEAKER_03 1:27:04

There's people's houses that are floating out, and I'm not gonna show up to that. People are damaging their homes. You know what?

SPEAKER_06 1:27:11

That's something we should have a beer over tomorrow. And we're at time. We're at time. We are at time. Let's let's carry this on just us three. Dude, on the outside, we'll say goodbye.

SPEAKER_02 1:27:20

Dude, are we? 'Cause I don't have enough time to explain myself. Just cut that part out. Just cut it.

SPEAKER_03 1:27:24

Keep it kosher. We're out of time. Keep kosher. I will I will text work right now and tell them I'm stuck in Louisiana.