Twin Moms, Different Parenting Styles—How We Parent Differently on Sleep Training, Discipline, Screen Time & More (with Sarah)

Identical twin moms compare how they approach parenting completely differently—sleep training, discipline, screen time, chores, and why there's no one "right" way to raise kids.

We're identical twins. We were raised in the same house, by the same parents, with the same rules. But now that we're both moms? We parent completely differently.

In this episode, we sit down to compare how we handle the biggest parenting topics—no judgment, just honest conversation about what works in our own homes.

Motherhood amplifies your personality. We grew up identically, but we turned into completely different moms—and we think that's proof that there's no universal "right" way to parent.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

I think we see the world a lot differently too. I think I think motherhood has amplified our personalities. Do you schedulize your kids? Yes. We're just jumping right into it. Okay, yeah, no, definitely. But I think I've gotten way more relaxed after the second kid, but definitely a schedule mom. And I'm completely opposite. Although I think I we follow routines, I'm not as scheduled as you are. And I think because it's funny because we're identical twins, we have the same mom, we were raised the same way, but I think we parent completely different. And I think this is why we had to have this episode. Welcome to the mom department. I'm bringing back my sister Sarah, and we are going to have a chat about parenting. We're gonna have chats about how we are twins, we were raised the same, we were we shared, we're wombmates, and um I think that we we were obviously we were raised the same, but I think it's so funny how different our parenting style is. I think we're pretty similar, like personality-wise, although I think we have stark differences. I think we're pretty similar. Yes, we have similar, like I think personalities and temperaments, but we kind of think differently, we parent quite differently, and I think this would be very interesting to dive into. Yeah, I think today it would be great to kind of like get into like things like the sleep, sleep with children, like sleep routines, getting into um discipline, screen times, and seeing how we differ on different things. And obviously, people are different, people parent differently, but I think it's very interesting to kind of see what that dynamic is between the two of us and how we share, like we we talk a lot, we bounce things off of each other, and I think it'd be interesting to like kind of dive into that. What do you think? No, that's really great because I think, like, again, we have a lot of similarities. I would say, even in like our laid-back approaches, but then a lot of differences. And I think a good point to also say is like we have husbands that have different points of view, which influence that. Yeah, so uh, let's give some context so people can kind of understand between like what our families are like. Like, obviously, I have four kids, so it's a lot different. I have more kids than you, so I have four kids, and I'm younger than you, which is so funny. Okay, girl. That's a dynamic. 30 minutes younger. I'm a younger. I'm younger, I'm the youngest. Um, I have four kids, ages from six all the way to eight months. Um, obviously married. No, we're a homeschooling family. I don't work. I'm a stay-at-home mom. Well, don't work. My work at home is work, but I'm a stay-at-home mom. I homeschool. So we're home all the time. So that's kind of a little context about my family. What about yours, Sarah? Yeah. Um, I have two kids, two boys, um, ages about to be four four and eighteen months. Both my husband and I were, I don't know, I'm trying to think what else. We're married. And what do you think your house structure? I forgot, like, my house structure is like we run on more so routines rather than like strict schedules. You know, schedules freak me out. Like when I feel like I know I have to be a certain place or I have to do something at a certain time, that kind of freaks me out. So, like, I'm more so like I don't know, I call myself type B, but my husband thinks I'm like a super type A type person, but I don't know. I I kind of like to go with the flow. I like to have an idea of what my day is like, but I feel like I tend to just go with the flow. Like, our house isn't super strict on certain things. What about you? I am very I can be, I feel like I'm a type A with very type B personality, but I think that's a Sagittarius in this. Yep. Like I can We were very free-spirited. Exactly. Like, I can follow a schedule, and I like having like a schedule. It helps me understand and my kids to expect what's gonna happen. But I also like you know, to go with the flow, which like I'm sure pisses off my husband. But I'm very like scheduled. Is he more strict on certain things? I would say like very strict on education and manners or principles as he likes to call them. Um but then like he also sometimes like the flex likes the flexibility of being able to like go with the flow on where whereas like sometimes I'm like yo, we're gonna follow this, this, and this. Yeah, I can see that. Alright, so let's start with one of the biggest topics uh sleep. I think because we kind of approach sleep training or sleep differently. Obviously, I was I was the first one to have kids before you. So with your kids, did you sleep train? I forget if you did actually no, I know for a fact you did because Ari is your your first is super, super on schedule. I sleep trained the first. Um, like I can't even remember when we started sleep training. It might have been like he might have been like seven, six, no, six months. We started to like really six or seven months. I think we started to like sleep train him. Um and before then he was sleeping in our room but was sleeping in a bassinet. He was a thank god, he was a great sleeper. Yeah, and for me, I love my sleep, and so but before I was like, our doctor was like, if you guys like we were he was had you know, when they're like three or four months or five months or whatever, like they start to have like their sleep starts to change, and I'm going through that. Yep, like he he loves to sleep, he was always a great sleeper from like once we brought him home for the hospital, but then the tide started to turn, and then she was my daughter doctor or his pediatrician recommended that we sleep trained. I know you know you guys may not like it, but like, I mean, granted, for me, I was like, all right, let's do it. It was hard, but not for me. I was like, I think I had no issues with like the cry it out. Yeah. Nick was like, I know that's super controversial, but I I it helped us dramatically. I bet. I bet. Okay, so like with our first, I feel like we slept trained because I was like, you have to sleep trained. Like, I remember like obviously with your first baby, you feel like you have to do all the things so you don't mess up your your kid. And I feel like with my first I did. I started sleep training her at like four months. I'm like, you should already, I don't know, I don't even know where I was looking at this. Maybe like I don't know, Instagram or whatever. I'm like, most likely Instagram was like, you your kids should be sleeping by this age. And I'm like, my kid's not sleeping like that. I'm tired. And I was like, oh, it's because I'm not disciplining, she's not disciplined, she's not sleep trained. And I remember at four months old, I was like, all right, like I started sleep training every nap. Like, I'd like I would do like the wake sleep the wake window, yeah. The wake window that I do for both of my kids. Yeah, I'm like the wake windows, but you have to be awake at this time, you have to go to sleep at this time, you have to be fed at this time, and like special bottles at this time, and I was like, I need to sleep train you so you can sleep. So, like, because if I'm not doing it, I'm not a good mom. But I'm like, oh my gosh, I put so much pressure on myself. And I remember I used to keep like uh on my like notes app, I had like notes on the times that she's supposed to be waking up and going to sleep. It was like kind of crazy. Yeah, I remember, yeah. I remember I slept, I mean, I did sleep training with my first, um, and it went well. Obviously, it was fine. I got sleep, but I think after like more kids, after I had more, I I think I did a little bit with my second, and then after that, I just kind of like fell off. I was just like, nothing exists anymore. It's like it's like you go with the flag. I'm always like on the go, so I'm like, I don't have time. Like naps, or what do you call it? Contact naps. Contact naps. Yeah, I'm like, I don't have time. Okay, so what about co-sleeping? Did you do co-sleeping? A little bit. So for wait, for which kid? Both, yeah. So for the first, we did it a little bit, like when it's his change his sleep started to change. I was like, okay, he's sleeping better if he's like right next to us and like we didn't have to get up. But then like when the pediatrician recommended that um we try like like cry it out, then we he never slept with us again. It was amazing. And the second baby, because he was exclusively breastfed, like which we didn't we did it with our first, but up until a certain point. But the second one didn't want to let it go. So he we co-slept with him, I can't even remember, it might have been around seven or eight months or nine months when we moved him out of our room because he would have a little bit of a longer stretch to sleep, and then but I would still co-sleep with him if he woke up in the middle of the night. I would just go to the guest room with him, let Nick sleep, and then I would like co-sleep with him in our guest room. I would do that like a lot, but yeah, I would again, like they said, the for a second kid, you everything gets thrown out the window. Okay, I could see that. And you know me, I co-sleep. Like, I did it, you I remember when like sleep clearly. I do, I love sleep, but like I haven't slept in a very long time, so I'm just like, uh I I remember sleep when my kids finally like sleep on their own and they sleep through the night, and I'm like, oh my gosh, this is amazing. And then I have another baby. But like I remember co-sleeping, I didn't do it all that. I did it with my first, but not all that much. I like we kind of just like shipped her off to her own bed after like five or six months. Like, I don't remember her actually, even before that, I don't think she slept with me all that much. My second one, kind of third, fourth is just like you know, falling off the rails. Like, we just co-sleep constantly. Like, even my two-year-old is still coming into my bed every night. So, like, I by the end of the night, we have like four people in our bed. Like, we have the baby, we me and my husband, and then like my two-year-old. Sick word, it's crazy, it's nuts. I remember like even when my four-year-old is bought, like he comes into my bed, it's like it something inside me angers me. Like, because it's crazy. Yeah, I don't enjoy kids sleeping in my bed. Oh, am I like a bad mom? No, I I did I don't like kids in my bed anymore. No, I I actually don't like it either. Because I don't sleep all that great because you're oh you're aware of them and you're where they are, so I don't sleep all that great. You know how it makes me think, what did mom do? I think I asked you this earlier, what did mom do with us? I have an idea of like when we were little or even with our kids, like when she I don't think mom slept with us. Like, I don't I think when we were older, we would go into their beds, but I don't think as babies she slept with like mom is not that not that she's not loving, but I don't think she's like that, like she used to say that she didn't she doesn't want she didn't want the kids to be too clingy because she knew she had to work. So I don't think she was like that, like clingy like that. Yeah, I honestly have no idea. I feel like she probably maybe like when we were nursing, because she said we nursed at least until three months or something like that. And maybe she probably kept us near our bed and then put us in our bed. Yeah, like I don't I can't imagine that she slept with us because just knowing her personality, I don't think she would. Yeah, what do you think? Yeah, like I was literally thinking about that. I'm like, I don't because I should have asked her, I forgot. I yeah, I I can't imagine that she co-slept with us. And if she did, I don't think she did it for long. Yeah, and I think you know it's funny because after we've had children, like my mom always stays with us a month after any of us have kids. She'll tell and it kind of gives me a little insight on to kind of what she did, because what she'll advise us to do, because she'll be like, Oh, like you like put the baby down, don't hold the baby. Like she's staunch, like she's like, she's she's very strict about like not holding the baby too much to not spoil them. But I think that's like a Haitian, because we're Haitian. I think that's like kind of a Haitian thing. Like, you you don't want to spoil the baby. And my I know I'm super different to Sarah, you don't call me crunchy, but you're a little, you're a lot like that too. Yeah, I don't believe spoiling, especially when they're like well for me. I I I loved I did a lot of contact naps with my I love I I don't think you can hold the baby enough. I'm I'm a firm believer of like hold that baby. Yeah, like I will hold my like kids to sleep for daytime naps, like I love it, nighttime, I don't enjoy it, but like they're like oh baby sleeping on you is like the sweetest thing in the whole world. Yeah, she gets she used to get so mad. She'd be like, you need to put that baby down, you'll regret it. Like when they're like clingy, I'm like, I don't care. They're only this small for so long. Like, I would rather hold them. Don't get me nostalgic. I I don't want to have another baby. Alright, so let's talk about discipline. I think this is where we're quite different. Wait, discipline as in like discipline? Like disciplining children. Oh, okay, yeah. Like, I think that's on it. I could see that. I'm very lacked. It's funny because Mike, which I gets me so mad. You know what he calls me? The warden. You are. I'm not the warden, and it pisses me off every time he says it. Oh, the sheriff's belt. I think this is where we are kind of pretty different because our mom we grew up, our mom was very, very strict. And I my dad was very lax. Yeah, he's very lax. And I think that I think that this is where we completely branch off on things. I would say I'm I'm more so adopting my mom's style of parenting, and you're more so like dad. Yeah, which I'm never literally until we just said this right now, I never I never thought about it. Like, I never one, I never really considered myself lax on discipline, but I would say thank god. Like, I have a my first kid was very, like, very rules-based. He follows the rules, he's not like a troublemaker or rule breaker or anything like that. Well, my second one's gonna start giving me a run for my money. Yeah, but I'm not so I never really thought I'd have to like discipline really, because even like what what do you call the timeouts? Like, I I rarely time out. Oh, I'm very strict. I don't have to I'm very strict, yeah. I'm not that away at all. Yeah, I'm very much like because I'm but it's funny because I always I remember when me and my husband would talk about like before we had kids, or like when I was pregnant with my first, we talked about like what did we think we were gonna do. And I was like, I'm I like fully bought into that I'm gonna be the gentle parenting, and I was all into like gentle parenting, and this is exactly how I was gonna parent. No, I'm not a gentle parent. Well, not that I'm not gentle with my kids, I just don't fully buy into the gentle parenting kind of stick. I don't that's not my thing. No, like I'm not reasoning with a two-year-old or whatever. Yeah, you can't reason with them. They they I mean, some people believe that that's on them, but personally, for me, like I'm just more so like you have to obey what mommy and daddy say. Like, it's just that that is a rule in our house. Like, there's no discussion, like, unless, like, obviously, there's I'm not like super strict about like like stupid things, like kids are toddlers, they make mistakes, whatever. But I'm like, mommy says to do something, you're going to do it. There's no ifs and or buts. You don't do it, there's a consequence, and that's it. Like, you know me. I'm very like strict. And I think that that's how mom was growing up. She was an authoritarian. A very authoritarian. I don't consider myself that, but my husband says, like, you're very like straight. Yes, that's you. You are the warning. Like, Mike is Mr. Funtime, and you have the Which pisses me off. Like, you par you you pigeonholed yourself into like the fun parent, and I'm like the strict parent, but I'm not Nick says. Nick's like, oh, I you always make me look at the bad guy. Hey, I think for like my kids, I don't like I don't know. I think especially for my first, he's such a like, he's such a like, I don't know, good kid. Like he's like very sensitive, he's like, he doesn't follow so when he does act out of line or whatever like that, I know like all I need to do is talk to him a little sternly and he'll correct himself or whatever. But like when those times where he doesn't, I've never thought I'd be the one to be like, just wait till your daddy. And I I'll say that now. I'll be like, oh, I'm gonna tell your daddy on his oh no, I do that. Like, it's actually funny because like I mom was like really, really strict with us, and I remember that like we don't need not want to like not listen to her or not obey or whatever. And obviously, dad was like the more gentle, like I would say dad was like the gentle. Yeah, we can get away with it a lot. And I'm just like, wow, I see like I've turned into mom in this sense. I don't know if it's a good or bad thing. I I guess I'll see when I grow up, but I mean I appreciated having like I for me, I feel like my kids appreciate when they know where the line is, like where there's the boundary. And I feel like when they know where the boundary is, they know like I feel like they feel safe in that box of what they can or can't do, especially around me. And obviously, when I send them out into the world when they get older, hopefully, like it'll imprint on them. So I don't know. I hope that my approach is on me. Think about it. I was like, oh my god, do I need to be stricter? No, I think again, I my philosophy has been like no family is the same, no kids are the same. What works in one house may not work here. Your kids just might be little. Yeah, it depends on the kids and the amount of kids. I'm like, for me, I'm like, because I have a lot of kids, I just can't let it be chaos. Like it if it'll just like things would just spiral if I just like let them not to be unruly without consequences, without structure, or more like not that my like we're structured, but like more so, like there's rules, and if you cross that rule, because I don't have my I can't have my eyes on you guys all the time. Like, there's just things that you have to listen to, and if you don't, there's a consequence because one day if you fall outside of that line, you could get seriously hurt. Yeah, especially if I'm not if I'm not able to keep my eye on every so kid ever at every single moment. I want to talk about what is something as a parent that you swore that you would never do that you've that you do. That's a good question. I feel like there's so much that we've said that we would never do as a parent. Like before, because our elder sister had kids before us, and then when she was on, I was like, I would never do that. And then I have kids. I know for me, I know what that is. Pacifiers past a certain age. Because my older sister, her kid was, I remember used a pacifier, like she could have been like two or three or whatever, or maybe she was two or something like that. And I was like, I would never let my kid use a pacifier for that long. Boy, did I eat my words. My kid was on that passy till she was three. I had two passy kids. Like my first two loved their passies, and then when they wouldn't get rid of it, I was just like, you won't use a pacifier forever. You'll stop when they which they both naturally stopped. Like when they my third was born, and they noticed that a baby was using it, and then they connected the fact that babies use pacifiers, and they were like, Oh, I'm not a baby anymore. They eventually got rid of it, but they were like old, they were like two and three. Um, but that was one thing I swore I would never do. And then there was something else too. I think that I swore I would never uh be a TV mom. Oh, that's a good one. Yeah, because I would say I agree with the first two, because I mean the the two that you just said, like one I I said the same thing. I'm not gonna be like, oh, you're not gonna have a cassie for so long. Because I was like, oh, I'm not gonna mess up my kids' teeth or whatever. But grace of God, when he did stop at like two, two and a half or something like that, like his teeth like straight. And then the other one was screen, and I'm like, you know, I'm gonna limit screen time. And we had a great, great, great um nanny that very that limited screen time, even though I was doing it. Oh, I would be doing it during dinner. And I I had a horrible habit, like I get so overstimulated by like the evening, and you know, work and all that stuff, and then you had the kid just like yapping in the early time during dinner time, so I'd have like screen time, so I'd at least get to have a moment in my thoughts. My husband is the one that like eliminated screen time during dinner. I was hard, I wouldn't have let it go. And it wasn't like my kid, it was me who was not gonna let it go. I agree. For me, it's like screen time, or I thought I wouldn't do it during dinner, but yeah, yeah. I thought I wouldn't be a screen mom. I was like, not that like obviously every family's different. I was like, I'm never my kids are not gonna watch TV. Yeah, my kids watch TV. They I mean, and it is what it is. I mean, I've I think back at when I when we were kids, and I sometimes I'm like, oh, my kids watch too much TV today, but I'm like, it's fine. I came out fine. I watch TV. I remember I watched TV as growing up as a kid, so my parents that was fine. I grew up like, but obviously, like the show. I think it's for me with their watching TV. I try and for not this isn't it's not perfect all the time, but like at least it's not something that's like overstimulating or something that's like at least not enriching their brains. Uh obviously they sometimes they watch stupid stuff, but whatever. Like one thing that was different from us than kids is that like we could only watch TV in front of a television set. Well, now you have iPads, you have like phones, so they can be watching it anywhere, like in a car, and they could be at a restaurant. Like, we didn't have that. So I feel like screens is so different than us growing up. You were we were you could only watch TV if you're at home and you're like in front of a television set. True. I didn't even think of that. Anywhere. Anywhere. Well, one thing that we have with our family, we've decided not to do iPads. Like, we have iPads, like me and my husband have iPads, but we've decided not to give my kids any iPads. Um, obviously, I don't judge anybody who gives their pa their kids an iPad that that works for your family. We've just decided that that's just not something that we want to bring into our family. Monitoring purposes, we can't always see what they're watching or whatever, if they have an iPad. And then we just don't want that habit of just them just glued to the iPad. And and another thing was we don't do screen times in the car. I'm like, that is something I'm like, I feel like when we were growing up, one thing I did love is that obviously we didn't these didn't exist. But I love that we and me and me and you, we would sit in the back and just chat. And that's what our kids do now. They sing songs, like we'll play music for them, or they'll just sing songs and just talk. And I really, really appreciate that. And then they get to learn directions because they get to a focus on what's going on around them. That's just what we chose to do. So I want to ask on be honest. Now, is the be honest. I am being honest. Do you ever judge my discipline style? No. I don't judge your discipl discipline style because I would say in some ways I feel like I should probably do be doing some of that. Like, you know, when you put them on the stairs or do I was like, oh, maybe I should do it. I uh granted it never occurs to me that in the time like in the point in time where I should be doing it. But no, I was like, I think for certain things I should probably be doing. So I don't judge your discipline style though. Do you think I'm too strict? No. I don't think you're I don't think you're too strict at all. Um no. I've never thought about it. I was like, no, it's never been like, okay, you're wildin'. No. Like it's never crossed my mind where I think that oh, like, oh, she's wildin' right now. Like, no. Alright. I want to do a quick fast round. What your what your thought is on certain things that like people do nowadays. All right. Candy and sugar. Do you give your kids candy and sugar? No. Uh is that oh, it's because your kids don't like it. Yeah, I would say, like, okay, it's easy for me because like my first is a weirdo. He doesn't really like sugary things. Although he's just now starting to get a taste for like ice cream, which my husband like gives it to him all the time. But yeah, no, I don't really have it. It's an unfair question for me because I don't really have that, you know, that issue. Because they don't really care about it. My kids love candy. My kids are my kids are those kids. They are they love they love sugary things. I'm like, that is one thing actually I will say in the future. We are trying to limit, but they do love candy. Like, they'll go to the store, candy, candy. We buy, we we do give them candy. Yeah, my kids don't really care about if like for example, like the second, if he sees like a lollipop, he'll have one, but he doesn't like they don't really ask for candy. Do you enforce eating everything off your plate? No. I would say I am I try to do it with the oldest. Granted, he only has like a couple things that he'll eat, so if he has, I try to enforce it. But other than that, no, I'm I'm also awful in terms of like food. Like, I'm not strict in terms of like veggie, um, protein, car like I should be, but I know I'm not. I I feel like I'm very like 50-50 on that too. So you're way better at it than I am. Me? Yes, enforcing eating off your plate. Well, yes, you're gonna try it at least. Like, I think like for me, I'm like, you're gonna at least try it. Like, I don't care if you don't like you don't have to like it, but you are going to try it. They're like, oh no. And they're like, I'm not going back and forth with you. I I I'm off, I would give up. No, I'm like, you're going to try it. Um, but yeah, but I do pander to what they are like, so I will like I will make them what they like. I make them what they like all the time. No, but you're better at it than me. Because you all still make things that they don't like and make them eat it, or they don't have any dinner. Like you're very, you're like, again, you're very, you're much better at that. Our mom was like that. Yes. Like, she was. Oh, wait, you'd sit there the whole night. I mean, I think that's an old style parenting. You'd sit there all night when you're not gonna eat, like, which I need to and we can do. I think I need to go back to do, yes, exactly. I need to go and do that because like I'm awful. Do your kids do chores? No. Okay, what do you mean by chores? I don't know. Like, do they have to like water the plants, clean, I don't know, empty up trash cans, or like make their beds, like chores, like things around the house. Chores are things that help every it's the well-being of the whole family. I mean, no, not really. Like, they actually know. R you said your first does he give the dog food. Yes, he puts out her her food. Like, we taught him how to do it, and he thinks it's like a game. Like, he scrolls and like I was like, Oh, go put out Ava's food. So he'll go, he'll scoop it and put it into that. That's a chore. Okay, yeah, he'll do that, and then they clean up after their own toys and all that stuff. But that's not a chore. Okay, but they're that's that's that's what they're supposed to be doing. No, I haven't like found a chores for them to do, like, although, yeah, I know see, this is like the type B parenting that I haven't done, which I know is not great because I mean we did chores growing up. Yes, we have not started doing that. I'm not too good at it either. I'm like, and I've I I made a whole chore chart and stuff like that. I actually need to print that out and actually have them do, but I never actually enforce it. Like, but sometimes like I'll have them like like they they are they have to clean up their plates after they eat, like, clean up and put it in the sink. Actually, and then sometimes they empty out the trash cans around the house. Yeah, no, mine do it. Although sometimes the first will like be with my husband and he'll like help him take out the trash, but it's not a chore, he just like likes to do that with him. Yeah, it's fun for them. I mean, they think that our what we do that we hate is like fun. I think my kids need chores. Like, I think we were better for it because my husband wasn't made to do chores, not really growing up, and there's not a lot I had to teach him a lot of things. No, it's yeah, so like and I don't know. I think that we like that. We were we were given chores, and I think that we were able to understand how to do certain things growing up, like now, like as we were older, and I don't want to like mess my not mess my kids, but I don't want to like stunt them and not give them those skills. I I need to be better at doing like chores, like this is what you're supposed to be doing. I have a chore chart that I created and I need to print it out, and I I need to implement that. This is actually a good thing. Better at doing it than I am. Like, remember my kid didn't know. Oh my gosh, your kid slept over my her first she slept over my house. And because I mean I thought he did this at home. Like, my kids, when they finish eating, from oldest to youngest, they clean up their plate. You clean, you wipe your plate, you like emptied in the trash, or whatever leftover food you empty in the trash, you put it in the sink. And I told her son, I was like, hey, go clean up your plate. And he, I don't think he'd never done. Well, I'm assuming he'd never done it before. He took the plate and put it in the trash.

unknown 28:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:12

And I was like, wait, what are you doing? And I told you that you're like, oh, he's never done it before. Yeah, and so now I I would say sparingly, I'll have him do it. Like, if he like, especially if he made a mess, I'll be like, oh, go clean up your hand, go clean up the thing and then go wash your hands. Like, so he's now starting to understand to do it when if I tell him to do it, but I it's not a routine, like, I need to like implement it as a routine that they do. So, yes, you're better at that. That story always tickles me. All right, for boredom, do you fix it for them or do you just let them figure it out? I'ma let them figure it out. My husband isn't though, like he wants them to have like activities, only because he he hates like TV people. He's like he like uh equates it to like laziness, and so he does not want them to like grow up to be lazy, and so he wants them to very much like I think he wants them to like be activities-based, like always have something to do. So for me, I'm like, let him figure it out, whatever that's why he like wants us to like have activities, yeah. Yeah, I'm the type that I know that it's funny because Mar my older our older sister, she like if her kids are bored, she feels like she has to fill that boredom for them. But she's also an activities person, yeah. She's an activity, maybe it's like an activities type person, maybe that's a personality trait thing. Because I'm like, I personally don't care if my kids are bored. Like, they'll be like I'm they've just learned what the word bored means because I think I've said it to them. But she's like, I'm bored. I'm like, that's good when you're bored. Because when you're bored, you get creative. Like when we turn off the TVs, I'm like, go find something to do. They're like, I'm bored. That's good. It's I'm like, you're gonna find something. That means you're gonna find something to do. And they're like, What? Find something. I am that's the first thing I say, find something to do. Okay, so we've talked a lot about like what kind of makes us different. I want to talk about kind of the behind the why. Why do you think we're a lot different person, like as parenting? Like we clearly clearly we grew up the same, we had the same mom. Um, we grew up. I I do feel like kids who are different ages tend to grow up a little bit differently because they re they had their parents at different times in their parents' lives. But I think we have a unique situation in the sense that we're twins, so we had the same kind of parents. Um, we grew up the same. So I really want to kind of dive deeper into why do you think we parent a lot differently? I don't know. I feel like it it it stems from like our adult personalities. Like as we grew up, we grew into our own, and I think that shaped our ideologies. Um, and it's like again, a bit of it's like personality based. Like, as we've gotten older, or as we've gotten older in our like our adult lives, I've come to realize how similar you are to our mother, which is really weird because I would never have said that like growing up, but like as you've gotten older, you very much turned into our mother. And I would say, like, I I have qualities of our mom as well, but I've also come to realize okay, I can be very similar to my dad. Yeah, my dad was very routine-based, my dad was very calm, not calm, but I'm not saying like he's very lax in in certain ways, and and like I don't know, I've come to realize like I'm a lot like my dad personality-wise, which which trickles into how I parent at the same time. And um I don't know, I feel like that's what it's in my mind, that's how I rationalize it, is that like as we grew into our adult selves, we our our personalities kind of really drove how we parent. I could see that, and I I I didn't think of that like as you're you said that like as our adult personalities, or like kind of as we grew into our own, that's kind of like kind of helped maybe shape our motherhood experience. And that's true, because I kind of think about um even kind of our interests kind of shaped what we are. Like, I feel like when I got when I got older, I got really much into like the crunchy kind of thing. Like I I really was into motherhood and parenting, but I also do think I that's always been my personal because I remember as a kid, like I used to stay, we would be home on like vacation and I'd be watching like baby stories. Like I was always into motherhood, like I've always loved being wanting to be a mom and love babies. But I think as like as I got older, I got more into like learning about home birth, learning about doulas, learning about all of that, and I think that kind of leached into kind of the way I see motherhood and where I see life and kind of how I parent. Like I became saved, like I'm like I raised my kids in the Christian faith. I think I think as we grew up, like our interest and things that we've kind of gotten into kind of shaped our parenting. I don't know, it's it's it's wild because you are complete opposite. Yes, like you were like, I am not going to homeschool. Oh hell no. I'm not doing, but you did do although you're not into natural birth, you did you did natural with both kids. Yes, I I I did have my kids natural in a hospital, and um I think it's mainly obviously like my beliefs in terms of how certain things should go. And um, yeah, I I don't know. It's like like there's there's things that I think we have the same beliefs in certain things, but then we go about certain things very differently. But I think we see the world a lot differently too. I think I think motherhood has amplified our personalities. Yes, that's great. It is true. Like again, I see a lot of our mom in you, and I'm like, yeah, I think I think those the traits are now showing up in our parenting. Yeah, like it's why you love to cook just like mom, you like to garden just like sewing, sewing, like all of those types of things that like mom really likes, like, which is why we get along pretty good. We do, although I I personally don't think I'm like her, but it's funny. You are like even you can even talk like her, like you are mom, and it's so funny because I can see how you are like our dad, more so and like you're very much more lax. What's something that you admire that I do as par as a parent? And then I'm gonna tell you, and I'll tell you what I admire about your parenting. Okay, I would say I admire the way you're bringing up your children in the Christian faith. Obviously, we grew up Christian, and I'm very much a believer, but I am not always great at instilling that in my children. Yeah, I think it's probably in the past year that my kids have started to really understand it because like my husband and I are both aligned to wanting our kids raised in that, and we're like you know, we're going like we go to church now, or if we're not going to church, like we're watching it at home. And so he understands now, like he understands like what who God is, who Jesus is, and you know, they're listening to Christian music more now, and um but I would I'd say like I'm not always consistent, like we're not always doing prayers before bed. Um, like it was funny the other night I was like, all right, let's pray, and Ari's like, I don't want to pray to God. Like Jesus Christ. So it's like I think I admire that. Like you're in the you guys are going about the going about it in the right way and instilling that in your kids, even though I call your kids Jesus kids. But I admire it. Like I think it's good. That's funny. No, it's funny because I'm like, I always think that like I'm not doing a great job at like discipling the kids. Um, so it's very heartwarming to hear that that's what you admire. Because I'm like, I don't always think I feel like I'm like my worst critic. Like I don't think I'm doing a I don't think I don't always think that I'm doing a good job, but it's very you guys are born about it in the right way. I would say that one thing I admire about what you guys are doing you and your husband do as parenting is like definitely putting your kids in in activities. I think that I lack doing that because I'm like, ugh, it's a lot like a huge commitment. Like that actually, there's a couple things. Like, I I admire that you guys like put your kids in like lots of different activities, like expose them to different things. I think I'm I I suck at doing that, and I admire kind of more not hands-off, but you're a lot more, I would say not gentle, but like you're a lot different than me. Like, obviously, when we talked about this with discipline and stuff like that, you're a lot more relaxed. I wish I could be a lot more like, but I mean, I think it might be our kids' personalities, but I think I I sometimes I'm like, oh, you're a lot more relaxed than I am. And I I like that, I appreciate that. I I think that's very sweet. And you can see, and you can see it in your kids. Like your kids have such a sweet disposition to them. So I I I really, really admire that. Um, I'm trying to think if there's anything else I borrowed from you guys. I feel like there's so much. You teach me a lot. We we have like a little like mom circle thing. So the way, like, you know, just you and not even just you and I, or like our two older sisters as well. Like, we're always like on the phone, whether it's like we're bitching about what's going on, or kids won't like kids driving us crazy, but we're also like sharing tips on like what we should be doing or how we're approaching certain things if kids are sick, like remedies, like I don't know. I love our little village. I do too. I think that we learn so much from each other, and I think that's I appreciate that so much, like being able to go through life, especially because we have kids around the same age, so we're sharing tips, and I think it just really helps. Like, although our households are so different, although we parent differently, we we're different people, we learn from each other. I'm like, oh, I wouldn't do it that way, maybe I'd appreciate it this way. And even when we bring situations to each other, you'll be like, Oh, I didn't think of it that way, or like I I really, really appreciate that. And I I'm so thankful that we have each other to bounce things off of and just to like see things differently if we need to see things differently. Yeah, agreed. Okay, so I want to just close this out. I think we've gone into kind of our parenting styles, how we're different, how we're alike, and kind of where it comes from with our or th coming from our own parents, um, which I think was very insightful. So let's close this out.

SPEAKER_01 38:34

Yeah.

unknown 38:35

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 38:35

Here's what I want anyone who's listening to take away from this episode. I don't think there's any one right way to be a mom. And I think that as you've heard from us, that we're still figuring it out. We grew up in the same house, but we turned out completely different. I think we we have similar thought processes sometimes, but we're completely different in the way that we parent. And I think that's fine. Have a strong per like a strong stance on just because people do things differently doesn't mean that they're wrong. I think everybody just parents differently because every kid is different, every household is different, every need in the house is different. If you're listening here today, I want you to comment down below and tell me what's one parenting choice that you're most confident in and one that you're still figuring it out. Again, we came from the same womb, same we had the same childhood, same mom, but we're different moms. And I think that's totally fine. Thanks for being here, and I'll see you on the next episode. Bye.