3 Home Systems That Keep Me Sane—Laundry, Meals & The Nightly Reset That Changed Everything (Mom of 4)

Mom of 4 shares the 3 simple home systems that took her from drowning in chaos to actually running her home—laundry, meals, and the nightly kitchen reset.

I have 4 kids. I homeschool. I'm 9 months postpartum. And for the longest time, I felt like I was drowning every single day.

The laundry pile had its own zip code. I never knew what was for dinner. Taking my kids anywhere by myself felt impossible. Every day felt like starting from scratch.

Then I started building small, repeatable systems—and everything shifted.

In this episode, I'm walking you through the exact systems I use to manage my home. These aren't fancy. They're not Pinterest-perfect. But they work.

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Transcript

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The goal here isn't perfection. It's not having a magazine-worthy home. It's not about being a super mom. The goal is automation, making the baseline stuff happen without taking all of your energy so you actually have the capacity for the unexpected. Now, before you click away thinking this is just gonna be some super mom lecture, let me be clear. My house is not spotless, my kids are not perfect, and I am still tired, but I'm not drowning anymore. And there's a difference between drowning and surviving, and honestly, sometimes even thriving comes down to a few simple steps that I do on repeat. Welcome back to the mom department. I'm Deborah, and this episode is for the mom who feels like everything is out of control. The laundry pile has its own zip code, you have no idea what's for dinner again, and the thought of taking your kids to Target literally makes you want to cry. Every day it just feels like you're reacting to chaos instead of actually running your life. Honestly, some days and weeks I'm still there. I've learned some things that have made a real difference in my home. Small systems that create big sanity. Today I'm walking you through the systems and strategies I use to manage my home and my four kids. These aren't fancy, but they work in every season and whatever chaos I'm dealing with. I want to be upfront. I'm not claiming to have it all figured out. I'm just a stay-at-home mom who homeschools all four kids. I'm busy and I'm walking through a really hard postpartum season. Some days these systems run smoothly, and some days when I don't follow through, everything falls apart, and we're in that cycle of chaos. But having systems mean I'm not starting from scratch every single day. And that alone has changed everything. By the end of this episode, I want you to have real actionable things that you can try just this week. Not a complete life overhaul, just a few things that might make your days feel a lot less chaotic. Take what works for you and leave what doesn't, because every family is different and not everything that works for my family will work for yours. So let's get into it. Before I get into the tactics, I want to talk about the mindset piece because this is where everything shifted for me. Most moms I know, myself included, for a long time are just operating in survival mode, just trying to get through the day. Right now I'm nine months postpartum, so I'm just trying to make it to bedtime every day. Just trying to keep everyone alive. And look, survival mode has its place. Sometimes that's all you can do, especially in the newborn season or when life is just super, super hard. But the problem with living in the survival mode forever is that you're always just reacting and you're always exhausted because nothing is predictable. And every day requires you to make a thousand decisions from scratch. Now, the shift for me was realizing I don't need to overhaul my entire life every single day. I just need to make a few small repeatable systems that run on autopilot. Systems remove decision fatigue, and I can have that sometimes, especially with a lot of little people. And decision fatigue is what makes us feel so depleted by noon. When you have a system, you do the thinking once and then you just repeat it over and over again. You're not reinventing the wheel every single day. And I want to be really clear about this. The goal here isn't perfection. It's not having a magazine-worthy home. It's not about being a super mom. The goal is automation, making the baseline stuff happen without taking all of your energy so you actually have the capacity for the unexpected, which with kids is basically every five minutes. So as I share these systems, remember I'm not always doing them perfectly. I'm human. You're human. We're just normal people. But having them in place means even on my worst days, there is some structure. All right, so let's talk about the home systems that I have. The stuff that keeps my house from literally not falling apart every single day. I have three main systems I want to share. One is closing the kitchen, two is laundry, and three is meal planning. These are the big three that have made the biggest difference for me because naturally I do not want to do them every single day and I easily get overwhelmed. But having these systems helps me have my sanity. So the first one is what I call closing the kitchen. This one has probably saved my sanity more than anything else. Every night before I go to bed, I close the kitchen. That means that I'm running the dishwasher, I wipe down all the counters and I put away all the food that's out, and then I do a quick sweep of the floor or vacuum if needed. And that takes me no more than 10 to 15 minutes, sometimes less, especially when I load the dishwasher while I'm cooking, or I have the kids put their dirty dishes directly into the dishwasher, and then guess what? I'm saving more time. That's what matters. And here's why closing your kitchen matters, though. You are blessing your future self. That's what we always want to do is bless your future self. When you wake up to a clean kitchen, your whole morning feels different. You're not starting the day already behind. You're not looking at last night's dishes while trying to make breakfast for a bunch of hungry, expecting kids because you know how they are in the morning. They want to eat, they don't want to wait for you to wash the dishes and get your life together. Doing that makes it a mental reset and it sets the tone for the entire next day. I'm not gonna pretend I love doing this. Honestly, some nights I'm exhausted, and the last thing I want to do is clean or put away dirty dishes. But I've made this a non-negotiable. I'll put on a podcast or I'll put on a show and I'll just get it done. It's just what has to happen before I go upstairs for the night. And honestly, once it becomes a habit, you stop thinking about it and it's just part of a routine. You just do it on autopilot. You're doing your cooking and you're just loading the dishwasher. You're wiping up as you go, and it just becomes a habit of yours. The next system is laundry, the never-ending mountain that seems to never go away. I have a lot of little kids who are home all day long and all they love to do is change out of clothes multiple times a day. For the longest time, laundry was my nemesis. My husband knew never to mention it to me because he knew if I if he mentioned that mountain that I would lose it. I honestly would let it pile up until we had nothing to wear, then I'd spend an entire like three days just trying to catch up, then I'd feel defeated when I couldn't, and then the cycle would repeat over and over and over. It was awful. And it made me feel like a failure constantly because I could not understand why I couldn't keep up. But I do now. Here's what I do: I run one single load of laundry every single day. Just one. I wash it, dry it, and then I'm done. I don't try and do it all in one day. I don't let it pile up. I just do one load first thing in the morning, and I'll gather whatever needs to wash. I'll run it no matter what, even if it's a small load. And here's another part that fed into the friction of laundry for me the folding and putting away, and then going to each room, each closet, each drawer. So my husband had created a family laundry system in the laundry room. So each of my kids has their own basket. And when clothes come out of the dryer, they go straight into that kid's basket, and that's it. I'm not folding everything perfectly. I'm not putting things in different rooms or specific drawers or closets. It's sorted and contained, and that's enough. Now, me and my husband's clothes, I'll go put them in our bedroom. But the kids' clothes, I fold them and put them into their basket. I realized where the friction was and what was preventing me from doing laundry and removed it by having the family closet in the laundry room so I don't have to leave. I just do everything in the laundry room, then I'm done. My kids now are old enough now, they can go grab their own clothes in the morning when they need to in their own baskets. Is it Pinterest perfect? No. Does it work? Yes. And the key here is small daily efforts prevents weekly overwhelm. One load a day is manageable. Seven loads on a Saturday, forget it. It's not happening. Now the third system is the weekly meal planning and the one grocery trip a week. And I know meal planning sounds so boring. I hate it because I'm a person who likes spot nanny, so having something that's routine gets boring. But hear me out. The what's for dinner panic is so real. It's one of the biggest energy drains for moms. Every single day you have to figure out what you're gonna cook. And when you don't have to plan, you end up stressed, ordering a takeout or feeding everyone from random stuff in the pantry. So what I do is I plan our meals for the week and I do one grocery trip, and that's it. I know what we're eating, I have what I need, and I don't have to think about it every single day. I'm not making elaborate meals. I have my staples, meals that I make on repeat that I don't have to think about. And one of the biggest things is making sure I have the weeks, I have at least two to three days worth of protein or meats or whatever in the fridge defrosted. So when it comes time to dinner time, I don't need to say, oh my god, I forgot to put the meat out. I forgot to put out whatever it needs to be defrosted. That's not an issue. I just grab whatever protein I want and I can just start cooking dinner. And then next, I keep it very simple: protein carb veg. That's it. I'm not making super elaborate meals. I'm making things that are super simple. I don't need to think about, I can just go into my fridge, grab these items, or go into a pantry, grab what I need, cook it, and that's it. Dinner is served and everyone is okay. I don't have to make a mental overload of finding new recipes, testing it out. My kids don't need it. Now I'm stressed. I'm not doing that. I just keep it super simple because the season that I'm in, I need everything just to be on autopilot. Every decision you don't have to make is energy that you get back. And we need all the energy that we can take, moms. Another thing is before I shop, I'll sit down, maybe about 10 minutes, and I'll write out what we're eating this week. Then I make my list based on that, and I stick to that list. I'm not wandering down aisles hoping for inspiration or saying, well, I might make that. I know what I'm gonna get. It's now to the point that I normally get the same things over and over again. I don't have to think about it. And I know it's not exciting, but it works. And it takes food, one of the biggest mental loads, off of my plate. Okay, now let's talk about something I think scares most moms. Taking your kids out in public. Especially if you have multiple kids by yourself. I have four and I take them all out by myself all the time. To the grocery store, to Target, to appointments, to the park, everywhere. And before you literally think that I'm some kind of superhero, let me be clear. My kids are not perfect. It's not always smooth. There have been meltdowns in public. It happens often. There have been moments where I wanted to abandon my cart and just leave. But I keep doing it because here's what I've learned: the more you do it, the easier it gets for you and for your kids. And I think that avoiding going out, most moms sometimes avoid going out in public with kids because it's a hassle. You know, you don't know what your kids are gonna do, you don't know how they're gonna be. And it takes time. Taking kids in car seats, taking them out of car seats, loading them up again. It takes time. But I think that when we stop living our lives, it causes more stress to us and it causes us to stay isolated. We need to be able to take our kids out in public and make it a habit so they they know how to do it. The more you do it, the easier it gets. But again, avoidance doesn't build capability. Practice does. So the first thing that I do before I take my kids out is set expectations before we're ever in the moment. I don't wait until we're in Target to explain how I expect my kids to behave. We talk about it at home, we practice at home, we'll roleplay if needed. And you'll be surprised. Kids will rise to the expectations, but only when the expectations are clear. If you've never told them what you expect, you really can't be surprised when they don't meet it. The second thing that I do is what I call the car talk. Before we walk into any place, a store, a restaurant, church, wherever it is, we sit in the car for about 60 seconds and I review the expectations. Here's what I need from you today, here's how I expect you to behave, and here's what happens if you do not follow through. It's quick, it's direct, and it prevents so many issues because my kids know what's coming. This doesn't mean that they always listen, because again, they are kids, but it means that they cannot say they did not know, because I'm not gonna hear, I didn't know what was gonna happen. But here's the hard truth consequences have to be real or they do not work. If one of my kids misbehave in a store after we've had the car talk, I follow through. That might mean leaving the store, that might mean losing a privilege later, but I do what I say I was going to do. I'm not afraid to leave a cart full of groceries. I've done it just to teach a lesson. Short-term pain of leaving creates long-term behavior change. Your kids learn that you mean what you say. And once they learn that, the testing decreases. Trust me, practice makes perfect. My kids are not perfect. We have meltdowns all the time. And I've had to do it. I've had to leave a store to correct a child. I've had to take them out of a place because they thought that I wasn't gonna do it. But kids, when they realize that you're serious about what you mean, they won't try you in public. Next, this one is more of a mindset thing, but it is important. Don't take tantrums personally. Kids are gonna have meltdowns in public and it happens. It doesn't mean that you're a bad mom, and it doesn't mean that your kid is awful. It just means that they are kids. And anyone who's been a parent gets it. And anyone who judges you is either never had kids or is pretending that theirs are perfect. Trust me, I've been at an airport with four kids, and I had one in the TSA line losing their minds. And I've had I, you know, I could catch looks, you know, sometimes you're getting flustered, you're going through you're flustered. And I've had other, I've had some people give looks of a kid freaking out, and then I have had other parents looking at you like, trust me, I get it. Or and I've actually had other parents come up to me and be like, you're doing a good job. This happens. And again, as much as what as much as internally it feels like, oh my gosh, like my kid is being the worst and everyone's judging me, I'm so embarrassed. It really isn't that bad. You have to remove your personal feelings from it. Don't get flustered, just keep your cool because the more you react overreact, your kid is gonna overreact. So when it does happen, provide correction calmly but swiftly. Don't overreact, just stay regulated. Your calm is gonna be your superpower. The more regulated you are, the faster they will regulate themselves as well. Next, let me talk about gear because with multiple kids, the right gear makes all of the difference. The biggest one for me that I tell all of my friends, all of my family is keeping a potty in the trunk of your car. It will be a game changer. With multiple kids trying to find a bathroom, getting everyone inside and managing the chaos and then not having them touch everything, it's a nightmare. So a potty in the trunk makes all the difference. Before I go anywhere, anytime we're about to walk into a store, walk into anywhere, I I do the ask, who needs to use a potty? You'll get the inevitable, not me. But everyone sits on the potty before we go inside. So then we're not going to the bathroom while we're inside of a store or while we're inside wherever it is, because taking multiple children into the bathroom, it's it's a it's a nightmare. I I've had I've had to do it obviously many times, but I try to avoid it as much as possible by using the potty in the trunk. We use it before we go to a store and we use it after we go to the store. So then I'm not having to stop the car because a kid needs to use the bathroom. Another thing I always have on hand is the double stroller. That is a non-negotiable, especially if we're going somewhere that requires a lot of walking. I always have a stroller in the car because you always have those little ones who claim they're gonna walk, and then the minute you get there, they don't want to walk anymore, suddenly their legs don't work, or you need to contain them. So when they're strapped in there, they cannot run off, they can't touch everything, and you can move through a store or wherever you are without chaos. The next thing I always have is a baby carrier. With multiple kids, wearing the baby is essential, and it just keeps your hands free so you can catch the other kids, and it keeps the baby close and it keeps the baby happy, and it and at the most it keeps you moving as well. I honestly couldn't do any outings without it, so I always have that on hand. Okay, so I know I've thrown a lot at you, but let me tie it all together with the bigger principle behind all of this. The common thread in everything that I've just shared is this you do the thinking once and then you just repeat the process. Close the kitchen the same way every night, do one load of laundry every single day, plan meals the same way every single week, have the same car talk every single outing. You're not reinventing the wheel, you're just turning it. Decision fatigue is so real. Every decision that you make, no matter how small, takes energy. When you're making hundreds of micro decisions every single day, you're gonna be depleted by two o'clock. Systems eliminate decisions, and every decision you eliminate gives you energy back. Here's what I want you to understand systems aren't about being rigid because I am certainly not a rigid person. I like predictability, but I also like to leave room for spontaneity. I'm a creative person, so I love a little unknown. Systems are about creating freedom. When the baseline stuff is handled, you're not constantly scrambling. You have the capacity for the unexpected, you have margin for the hard moments, and then you have energy for your kids instead of energy for just surviving your kids. You don't need to do more. You just need to systemize what you're already doing. You're already doing laundry, you're already feeding your family, you're already taking your kids' places, you're doing it already just without systems, which makes it 10 times harder. Start with one system and master it, then add another. Progress over perfection. And that's one of the biggest things that I've been learning and it continue to learn is progress over perfection. If you're chasing perfection, it'll never work. You'll always be stressed, you'll always be overwhelmed. Just strive for progress, doing one thing that gets you closer to what you're trying to achieve. I don't want to leave you overwhelmed with a hundred things to try. So here's where I want you to start. Three things that you can do this week. The first step is tonight. Not tomorrow, tonight. Close your kitchen before you go to bed. Run the dishwasher, wipe down the counters, put away any food, set yourself up for a better morning. Bless your future self. It's 15 minutes. That's it. Just try it and see how different you feel tomorrow. This week, get a basket for each kid and start doing one load of laundry a day. Clothes go from the dryer to the basket, and that's the whole system. Don't overcomplicate it. Just start it. The next time you take all of your kids somewhere, sit in the car for just one minute before you go inside and set the expectations, state the consequences, then follow through. That's it. You don't have to do all of this all at once. I didn't build these systems overnight. I just added them one at a time over months and over years. And just pick one thing, start there, and then build momentum. Because that's when you trust yourself. When you start doing something over and over again and achieve it, that's how you start building trust in yourself. Small systems create big sanity over time. Now, if one of these systems resonates with you today, comment below and tell me which one you're going to try first. I want to cheer you on, so let me know. And if you know a mom who's drowning in the chaos or who feels like every day is just survival, send her this episode. Sometimes we just need someone to hand us a little bit of a game plan. Being an efficient mom isn't about being perfect, it's about being intentional. Systems won't eliminate the chaos, but they will help you ride out the waves without going under. You're not behind, you're not failing, you're just learning. Every one of us are learning. I learned this. You're gonna learn this, and you've got this. Thanks for being here, and I'll see you in the next episode. Bye.