Live Small. Live Better | A Conversation With Author Kathy Chiero

On today's episode of Inkspired, Bailey sits down with author Kathy Chiero, Head of the Kathy Chiero Real Estate Group and longtime River Radio partner, to discuss her new book "Live Small. Live Better" and the things every homeowner needs to know.

Find the book here! https://www.amazon.com/Live-Smaller-B...

Connect with River Radio! https://riverradio.com/

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

And I'm telling you, it is a hard, hard thing to do. Our houses become a memory box. They're making crisis-motivated decisions because mom and dad waited too long to take this step. You don't want to kick that can so far down the road. You're leaving a literal and figurative mess for your kids to clean up.

SPEAKER_00 0:32

Welcome back to another episode of Inkspired. Today we have a very special guest, long-term river partner, Miss Kathy Cairo. You're here with us to talk about your brand new book.

SPEAKER_01 0:44

Yes, yes, yes, yes. I'm excited about it.

SPEAKER_00 0:47

Good, good. Well, thank you so much for being here. And it's really ties in perfectly to your whole profession. So why don't you tell us a little bit about the profession and how that, you know, brought to be inspired to write Live Small, Live Better, the Complete Guide to Downsizing with Confidence.

SPEAKER_01 1:03

I've been a realtor for uh first of all, thank you for letting me be here. It's just always a pleasure. Um, I have been a realtor for uh 30 years this year, got my license in 1996, and I have been a river advertiser, I think, uh since 1997. So very soon after that. Yeah, yeah, long time. Long time. And so as I grew in my career, I did and still do sell for all ages and all stages of life. But about 15 years ago, I created the Downsize Columbus Seminar. And my marketing and my business have always been education-based, meaning that I feel like if you teach a client, teach a homeowner how to do something, how to do it well, why they're doing things a certain way, they're good clients and they they walk through with a whole lot more confidence. So in 2012, we were coming out of a recession here in Central Ohio. And as my river listeners know, I had already had annual uh River Radio Home Seller Seminar. I had that every year. Well, I thought to myself, you know, I bet we have a lot of homeowners who are aging, like me, who have held off selling their home because of our recession. The value of home uh of our homes in central Ohio plummeted in some areas by double digits during that period. So I thought, you know, if you're getting older, you don't want to sell during a recession. But 2012-13, we were crawling out of that recession. I thought at the time I said, let's do one seminar and call it Downsize Columbus and let's do a seminar for those homeowners. Well, that first year we had such an overwhelming response that I have now made it a twice-a-year seminar I do, which means that over the last going on now 15 years, I've had over 30 major seminars. We've had thousands of homeowners come, and along the way, I've learned a lot about downsizing. Um, I've done it myself twice, uh, downsized myself twice. But in addition to that, I've really learned the concerns of downsizers, and it is a unique bunch because it is not actually the sale of the home is not the difficult thing. I say it's like a jigsaw puzzle, and the sale of a home is the edge piece. That's an easy one. Yeah. It's all the other uh components that go in that make downsizing a much more um, I don't like to say difficult. That sounds neg negative. It is a much more challenging move than the move up the ladder when you're buying home. So that's what this book addresses. I thought, you know what, I've learned a lot far beyond just the sale of the home. Let's put that in a book and help others as they downsize.

SPEAKER_00 4:01

And in in just a couple words, what is downsizing? Maybe they might know, but yeah, in very simple, clear, what is downsizing?

SPEAKER_01 4:10

Well, let's talk first about how we get to where we need to downsize. We start as a young couple, you buy your first home, and then you have kids, and you want to get in a good school system, you buy your second home. Then you have another kid or bigger kids, and then you buy the big home. And at some point you get to the big home that you're living in, and you raise your kids, and you have great memories, and you have prom pictures in the backyard, and you have graduation parties, and you have Thanksgiving and Christmas and all the wonderful things that make our home really the framework of our lives. Well, then kids go off to college, kids get married, kids have uh their own kids, and now you're living in this big house, and life and health starts to catch up with you. When you uh you'll learn, when you start hitting your 50s, number one, the mowing of the lawn might get to be a chore rather than a pleasure, and getting up on uh the ladder to clean gutters, or going up steps, or going down steps to the um laundry room. It can be as simple as there's two bedrooms upstairs that we don't use anymore. Why are we paying the electric and utility for a big house? We don't use it. There comes a point when the home no longer fits. And that's where we really look at ourselves and say, okay, we that's when we downsize, when we say, okay, let's start moving back down the ladder and let's get a house that fits where we are in our life. And I'm telling you, it is a hard, hard thing to do. Uh, it's hard physically because moving is hard physically. Yeah. It is hard intellectually and involves a lot of decisions. But I'll tell you what I found is the hardest step is emotionally. Um, we as Americans are very tied to our houses. We they are not just boxes we live in. Um when I was raising my little my kids who are now adults, I had for each child what I called a memory box. And I would put in there their baby pictures and their school report cards and all the mementos. Well, you know, our houses become a memory box. They do. They're filled with all the things. And some are mental, meaning we remember things, others are very physical. You have the growth chart that you marked on the wall in the in the laundry room, or you know where you put the Christmas tree, or you have the big dining room table that was passed down for three generations. Well, what do you do with that? So it becomes a can that we kick down the road. And what I try to educate my clients about is that that we all have a hard stop, and you don't want to kick that can so far down the road that you're leaving it for your you're leaving a literal and figurative mess for your kids to clean up.

SPEAKER_00 7:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:05

And I unfortunately see that a lot where adult kids come in and they're making medical decision stuff decisions, they're making crisis motivated decisions because mom and dad waited too long to take this step.

SPEAKER_00 7:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:23

And so that's what downsizing says. It's time to let go of the big house, move to a house that fits. What I hope this book does is not only give practical steps to do that, but to tell you it's not a step into the grave, you know? It is a step that offers hope and freedom and security and safety, and there is a whole life waiting out there for uh, you know, for that what I call the third act. When you are you have raised your kids, you've done it admirably, you've served it well. It's time to step into the third act, and there's life there. There's a lot of life there.

SPEAKER_00 8:04

I think it's great. I mean, you're so relational and packed in this book are stories of past clients of people talking about how they felt resentment towards their ailing parents because of the mess. And I think you do a great job at weaving those stories in to say, you're not making this up. This is real based on your evidence, based on your experience working with so many clients throughout the year. And it's great because it's so easy to say, well, that won't be me. That won't be me.

SPEAKER_01 8:35

Well, one of the stories I tell in this book, and this is actually more common than not, is I tell the story of uh I got a phone call literally on Thanksgiving Day, which just all thankfully almost never happens in my business. That the true holidays are the one day I have off. But I got a phone call, and this woman left me a message. She said, Kathy, you don't know me. My name is Laura. I'm in town from New Jersey visiting my parents. My dad fell down the stairs this morning. I need to talk with you. We've got to get the house on the market. And so all of a sudden, the life that was the norm for that older couple was changed in an instant.

SPEAKER_00 9:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:18

And that that daughter, bless her heart, came to the rescue and said, Okay, mom and dad, I'm taking over from here. We've got to get you into a safe place. We've got to sell the home, we've got to get rid of stuff, we've got to establish this. And so that's what I call crisis planning. And you don't want that. Um, I also tell the story of another couple that started with me two years before they moved, and they made a thoughtful, methodical plan to get into senior living where they made all the decisions, they made the choices, they did the exploration, they looked at their uh all the options available to them and chose one, and then they moved. And and that's what I would love to help people do is to say, it's really, I know you're healthy now, I know you can do the steps, you can probably do the gutters, do all that. But if you're in your 50s, there is a day coming that we all need to be realistic about and say, let's start that discussion now. Let's look at it, because it literally could take you two to three years to walk through the steps thoughtfully to get where you want to be.

SPEAKER_00 10:26

Yeah. And in in this book, you do a great job at talking about when it when you should start looking. And then you also go into different types of homes about what could fit them better. You do, and then of course, which we love a worksheet, there is a practical application after every chapter to help people start to understand it's not too early, right? Would you ever say that there's ever a part where it's too early or don't worry about it yet?

SPEAKER_01 10:53

Um, I would say, you know, if you're in good health and you're in your 40s. I would even say as you enter into your 50s. But beyond health, the other thing that begins happening is what are those life milestones? When is your home going to be empty? Like when are your kids gone? I have people who call me and say, you know, Mott, my daughter's getting married in June. I want to use the backyard for a party, so I don't want to list my home until after that wedding. Good for you. That's a good life milestone. Yeah. And we can work around all that. I would say for most people, if you can just begin to thoughtfully consider, I'm 67, so uh, and I am in, I believe, exceptional health for someone my age, but my knees are hurting. You know, I can't get up and downstairs the way I used to. I know that uh I know uh because I live in this world, I know the science. My uh husband just laid uh eight yards of mulch and had to rest the whole next day, whereas it used to be no big deal for him. So we're already having that conversation. I've said to him, Mike, Mike, I wrote the book, so I've got to follow my rules. You know, that's it. I have to say to him, Mike, you know, we've got to have this discussion that the the point we start paying people to do all of this, we need to really start looking and say, how long can we be here that this life still fits? Now, he also has the unfortunate um uh uh circumstance to be married to me, and I'm out all day looking at houses. The other day, I will I will say this not as a paid ad, but just as a fact. Del Webb is moving into Central Ohio. Del Webb is very famous in the South. They build communities that are senior living communities, but they are surrounded by social, meaning every community has 12 pickleball courts and four pools and three clubhouses and all that. Well, they I went to their grand opening in Plain City a few weeks ago, and I came home and I said, Mike, we have got to go. Because again, it is healthy, downsized living, uh, but surrounded by activity and social connection and all those things. And I'll tell you, the day I was there, there were traffic jams. There were the 55 and over group in central Ohio was coming out in force because so many of us are at that stage. We don't want to go to a nursing home. In other words, we're not ready for that. We have a lot of life, we have we travel, we have grandkids, we have hobbies, which many of us still work, but you know what? That four-bedroom, two and a half bath, two-story doesn't work for us anymore. Yeah. And so I would say it's never too early to plan, but don't panic. Think if I'm starting early, there is so much to know, so much to learn, so much to explore. You could take two years doing that. So before ever making a decision about putting a sign in your yard. So I would say that's where my book comes in. It's let's look at that. And I also say there's always chapter four in my book, which is the reluctant spouse. The other thing I find is that couples are very rarely on the same page. Usually one is raring to go and the other still wants to clean the gutters, you know. So again, it takes some time to get both of you on the same page. You need to plan for that as well, is to get both of you walking in tandem so that nobody's pulled, you know, kicking and screaming and and and they're ready to go. And that that is a tough, tough choice as well.

SPEAKER_00 14:35

And you talk a lot about the, you know, and even here you said the emotional is the hardest part, not the stuff. Can you talk a little bit about how what are some healthy steps? What are some good ways to start emotionally being okay with the change, getting rid of things, and knowing that I can get rid of this, but the memory still stays?

SPEAKER_01 14:55

We live in a culture that treasures our houses as if they were a member of the family, because our houses become a member of the family. They become the catalyst for everything that we define as family: the good, the bad, the ugly, the laughter, the crying, the arguments, the joy, they all happen in our homes. So when it's time to let go, it is very difficult for many of us to separate a physical move from the emotional attachment to that home. So what I try to do beyond facing the reality of the physical limitations and things like that is to really emphasize that the reason we feel like that is because we feel like wherever we're going is not as good as where we were. We also feel like by divorcing ourselves from the house, we are leaving the memories behind and in by association, the people behind. And so we really have to mentally get past that roadblock. And the way I tell people to do that is to begin to explore, begin to envision by physically going to these places that are options for you to recognize that life is not over. One of my favorite stories I made into a video, and um, and I tell the story in the book, but I also have a video about it. It's a couple who that I worked with that went through this tug and pull. She was ready to go, he wasn't. Finally, he got to the point that he was ready to give up their two-story home. They moved into uh an Epcon um floor plan, which was on one floor. They moved into a neighborhood, Bailey, where no they knew nobody. They moved in, they were, it was like being, she said it was like being in high school and they were meeting everybody for the first time. But this community had as its centerpiece a gazebo, a fire pit, and they started watching the neighbors come out on summer nights, and there would be uh bourbon-tasting nights or there would be card playing nights. And one night there was a band playing, and it was a 70s rock band, and they they went out and enjoyed it. Then they discovered that all the guys of the band lived in the neighborhood. They all had they all had garage bands when they're kids. So they formed this band. The name of the neighborhood was the courtyards at Jerome Village, so they called their band the courtyard band. Well, Ken's his name. Ken sort of raised his hand and said, you know, I was a bass player when I was in hot. Do you guys need a bass player? They said, sure. So now Ken and Ken uh Nan are their names. Ken plays in the courtyard band. They are now playing in uh bars all over Commas. That's amazing! And they have groupies, they have all these, including Nan and all the women from the courtyards. They come and they dance on Friday nights and they enjoy this. Well, you could never ever convince Ken and Nan that their life ended when they sold the big home. They have a more active social life, they are in dog walking groups, they are um enjoying the band, they have uh in the winter, they have game nights throughout. And so I know all my listeners are not going to want to join that kind of party of a social life, but what my point is is that you made the memories in your old time, old home, you'll make memories in the new one. You built the love and the connection in your old home, you'll build the love and connection in the new home. And here's the thing that I think that you'll find that is very surprising is that one of the biggest problems, and I'll say the over 65 group has, is loneliness. It's social isolation. Because your kids have grown, they've moved away. It's not like the old days where everybody came and sat around your table at Thanksgiving. Your kids very likely live in different zip codes, if not different states. And so we find a lot of social isolation. So I say if you shop right and find that community, one of the biggest gains you get, no matter what kind of roof you put over your head, is the social capital. That all of a sudden you meet people in the same stage of life as you. They have the same interest, they remember the same history, they remember Vietnam, you know, they remember the Pentagon papers, all these things of our generation that that uh are uh you know are kind of dust, gather dust in the history books. That's your tribe, that's your people. You now meet with them, and all of a sudden you've lived there a year and you look back and say, My dance card is full, I've got things to do three days a week, and there is that is so healthy. That is so uh um emotionally healthy, your mental health is so much better. And you know what? You've got a beautiful home with a ranch floor plan with everything on the main, and when you wake up in the morning in the in the in the winter and the snowblower is going, it's somebody else's job, you know? So yeah, so I think the hardest thing emotionally is to recognize that you're not stepping into the grave. Of course, you are stepping into living that fits where you are now, and for most of us, we've discovered that we are busier, we are happier, we are more socially connected than we ever were raising kids. And by the way, oh yeah, my you you saw just then my daughter t texted me, and what she was asking me was, could I watch the kids this afternoon because they have something to do? And I had to say, no, sorry, I'm too busy. You know, so sorry, kids, but um, but yeah, you can love your grandkids, fit them in your life, but now you've got a life of your own around which you can build new memories and and have a new place to put the Christmas tree. And it just is is the step that you'll look back and say, as many of my homeowners do, I wish I did this sooner.

SPEAKER_00 20:56

And that really just shows, I mean, all of that, that perfect story really shows that they are living better. They're incorporating it to fit their lifestyle, to be able to thrive, and I just think that's a beautiful, beautiful story. Okay, if people have more questions, because I know you've done a great job kind of laying the foundation, this book does an amazing job, very practical steps, you know, walking them through kind of each stage, each big question. But let's say they have more questions. Where can they find you? Where can they find this book? Where what's kind of the next step for that?

SPEAKER_01 21:28

Thank you. First of all, I'd love for you, love for them to get the book. It's available on Amazon, it's available in uh paperback, digital, and I just recorded the audio book. So if they're like me and listen in their car, yeah, give me a few weeks. That'll be available uh on Amazon and through the um uh on Audible. Okay. And then the other thing I would say is is especially if they're local Central Ohio, I am still a realtor, still a full time realtor, and I would love to bring them a signed copy if I have the privilege of sitting with them in their home and helping them with their downside. Size. So again, my my detour into being an author, I call this my expensive business card. I will bring a copy absolutely free of charge, and you can find me at ourOhiohome.com.

SPEAKER_00 22:14

Perfect. Well, thank you so much for sitting down with us and giving us a roadmap of how to live smaller but live better. The complete guide to downsizing with confidence.

SPEAKER_01 22:24

Thank you so much. It's been a pleasure and fun. Thanks.