Hello Hoovers

Daisy Dyke and the Queer Spectrum Part 2

• Brooke Eden & Hilary Hoover • Season 1 • Episode 13

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The Hoovers continue the discussion the queer spectrum and their gay awakenings.

#HelloHoovers #WLW #BrookeEden #Hilaryhoover #Relationships #lgbtq

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Hello Hoovers is a refreshingly candid new podcast from country artist Brooke Eden and her wife, Hilary Hoover, a powerhouse couple whose love story has quietly reshaped what authenticity looks like in country music and beyond.

Brooke is known for her commanding vocals, fearless honesty, and groundbreaking visibility as one of the first openly queer women in mainstream country music. Hilary is a former country radio executive turned real estate investor and LGBTQ family advocate. She brings the kind of calm wit and lived experience of someone who is both behind the scenes and in the spotlight.

Together, they take listeners on wild ride navigating marriage, music, motherhood, and modern queer life in Nashville with the same warmth and humor that made fans fall in love with them in the first place. No topic is off limits —from coming out in a conservative industry to balancing career and parenthood, no conversation is too real, too funny, or too tender to share.

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SPEAKER_00

Hey y'all, I'm Brooke. I'm Hillary. And we're the Hoobers. She's a singer. She's an entrepreneur. We're wives. We're moms.

SPEAKER_01

And a whole lot of other things. And this is Hello Hoopers.

SPEAKER_00

Well, hello. Um, we were talking about like sexuality and the ways that we came to be. And we ended up being like so chatty about it that we decided to actually split into two weeks and talk about it over the course of two weeks. So part two. If you um haven't listened to last week's episode, go ahead and do that first because we are jumping right in now. And so just to get caught up, go ahead and start with that one. Yes. And then we'll continue the conversation now.

SPEAKER_01

Yes. Well, you ended the last episode talking about how sexuality is a spectrum. Yeah. And my tangent brain went to Love on the Spectrum, which is a show about autistic people who are finding love. Obsessed. And we are obsessed. I'm obsessed. Like this is like the third or fourth season, I think. Is it really? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And I like literally want to go and rewatch it because they are all angel babies that I want to be friends with.

SPEAKER_01

Yes. And like I feel like every single time a new season comes on, we are just like so honed in. Like immediately just binge it.

SPEAKER_00

Just like and they make me sob. They're just like so sweet.

SPEAKER_01

Well, it seems like they simplify love in such a way where like if you can match their energy, they are like, let's live and love each other for the rest of our lives.

SPEAKER_00

I love how fast a lot of them fall in love too. Like, um, one of the the season that we just watched, um, I can't remember, it's Logan maybe was his name, and he was just like, I love her and I'm gonna spend forever with her. And he had like hung out with her for like 30 minutes or something. It really is so simple. It's like I like her and she likes me, and she's thinks I'm pretty, and I think she's pretty, and we're gonna live together forever.

SPEAKER_01

And his whole thing was like, I want a girl who has like curvy hair.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And this girl had straight hair, and he was so dumbfounded that he had fallen in love with this girl in 30 minutes who had straight hair. And I just thought it was so sweet. How many times he brought it up that like I don't care that you don't have curvy hair, you have straight hair, and it's okay because I love you, I love you no matter what.

SPEAKER_00

Right. Well, and obviously the further down they get on the road, then there's more that that needs to be compatible. But I think what's so cute about the first few dates is how they really are just like, You love animals, I love animals. Yes, we're gonna go to a safari and then we're gonna get married.

SPEAKER_01

Speaking of the safari, no, we do have tea. If you if you don't want to know about the tea, and this is not on the the season of Love on the Spectrum, but we did see the like the behind the scenes, Abby and David are no longer dating. After five years, after dating, we definitely had to get through that, we had to deal. Who who got married at the end of the episode? Um, maybe this is a spoiler alert, okay? Madison and Tyler get engaged on the last episode of the season. And you can see Abby being like, Whoa, David and I have been dating for five years. Madison and Tyler have only been dating for one year and they're already engaged. She was like, the math is not mathing. The math is not mathing. And so you can just see that, like, oh, something isn't right. Yeah. And so to find out that they're not together, it kind of makes sense because you could tell that you wanted to be engaged, but maybe not to David.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And Connor is also not coming back for the next season, which he is my favorite. He's my favorite. I want to be friends with him so bad.

SPEAKER_00

Oh my god, he's so funny. Connor, if you're out there and you want to be friends with me, then I want to be friends with David.

SPEAKER_01

Hit us up, hit us up. Um, even if it's just Insta friends.

SPEAKER_00

Anyway, anyway, back to how sexuality is. I thought that I was gonna get through that last episode without digging deeper than I was. I was like, cool, I did it. Because I'm used to kind of like interviewing others.

SPEAKER_01

Like you are very good at asking really deep questions of other people and then being like, well, I asked you the question. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

So I thought I got through it, but you said you have more questions. So hit me.

SPEAKER_01

I do have more questions. I guess like a question that I have is like when I was with my ex, I knew I also too thought maybe I would date guys after that, right? But like not really because I wanted to, but because I felt like I had to.

SPEAKER_00

You thought that like she was gonna be this like side quest, and then you were gonna like go and do what society wanted you to do, and it was and you probably at the time thought, like, I'm not gonna love it, but like it'll be fine. It'll be fine.

SPEAKER_01

I totally thought, well, it's the only way that I can be a country singer, and so I'm just gonna date men, never marry one, but I would just gonna date men for the rest of my life so that I can be a country singer, right? And then I meet you, and then I'm like, oh my gosh, I can't ever date anyone again because like I am obsessed with you, but also like I knew that I was gay, right? Was there ever a time, be honest, was there ever a time when you were like, do I need to date guys again after you dated your ex?

SPEAKER_00

Um no, no. You're asking if I thought when I was with my ex that I would need to date guys again.

SPEAKER_01

Like No, since you were with me, since there was a very short time in between your ex and me. No, there was no point in your in that in your thinking that you were like I should date a guy.

SPEAKER_00

No, if anything, I it was more of an awakening about how not straight I was. Ah it was more of me being like, it was like it was almost like a self-preservation when I was with my ex. That like, okay, if I dated somebody after this, it'll like it was just like this thing where I was like, okay, then I'll have that, and then I'll like go back to like quote unquote being straight or like being with a guy, and like just kind of had that in the back of my mind that I could like do that. And then when I met you, it was like, oh, I'm really gay.

SPEAKER_01

Like, enough about your ex. What about me? Like, what attracted you to me?

SPEAKER_00

First of all, you're the one asking me questions about my past, so I just want to re reiterate that.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I want to know how you got to me.

SPEAKER_00

But I I the thing is, is my attraction to you, other than the physical, which like duh, wow, was the the boss babe thing too. Like, just the energy. I thought you were way out of my league, but I didn't think that be like it wasn't in like a I'm attracted to her, I want her, but like I'll never get her. It was more of just like I just saw you as this, like, just this boss, and I thought you were super hot. And I just like obviously at that right when we met, I didn't know much about you. So I just I never imagined that like we would have an emotional connection. I just thought, like, she's this hot country singer, and then you sang, and I was like, she's hot and she sings, and I just my brain did not go to like that girl someday's gonna be my wife. Like, my brain went to like who that whoa, yeah. Did you think I want to make out with her? Well, yeah, but I there was something so weird. There was something so weird. Do you remember flirting with me from stage? Yes, like we had not like really spent time together. I always I've always been like, okay, you can think people are attractive, right? But like you can't like fully, and I'm wrong, but I always thought you can't like fully be attracted to somebody and like want them or like want to be with them forever or want to hook up with them just from like glancing at them. I always thought there had to be more. Well, we barely met, barely, and then you were on stage. Had we even met at that point? Um, like quickly in the office in passing, yeah. And you were on stage, it was during uh the CMAs, and the company that we work for had a party, and you were at the hard rock, downtown Broadway, and Nashville, and you were singing, and I was gonna be part of your team, but again, we hadn't spent much time together, and I was like front row with our team, and I remember thinking, like, yeah, she's hot, and then all of a sudden, I don't even know how to I don't even know how to properly show it, but like your eyes, like you were looking at me like yeah, I was eye fucking you fully, like I fully remember it, and I remember being like, Whoa girl, you need to tone down the glance.

SPEAKER_01

Like, you know the me. Oh, you're talking to yourself. You know, like the lesbian stare, like the lesbian stare where like there's just way too much contact, like way too much eye contact, and like you haven't blinked for a second, you haven't like looked away for a second, you're just like staring into each other's eyes.

SPEAKER_00

I hope you've only done that with me.

SPEAKER_01

That's what was happening on stage, and I had barely even met you, and I like knew that you were gonna be on my team, so like, whoa, girl, hold back, but I couldn't. Okay, so I thought I was making it up in my head because you thought you were the girl at the Justin Bieber concert who was like, he's singing to me. Yes, yes, except it was you're soon to be yes.

SPEAKER_00

Yes, so I was front row, like I knew we had made eye contact a few times because I was front row with my team, but I still thought like you were like looking at everybody and smiling at everybody, but there was just something about the way you were looking at me, and I kept on second guessing what it meant because I absolutely felt like you were like giving me bedroom eyes, but we had never really met. And so I was like, I'm making this up in my head, but you were.

SPEAKER_01

I found out later that like I didn't make it up, so I will never forget like the attraction that I had to you that was just so like it was just so real, and I like couldn't stop it, and it was so weird because I was definitely still in the period of my psyche and like in my life where I was like, Yes, I'm dating a girl right now. This was I I was dating someone when that happened, and it wasn't you, but I was dating a girl at the time, and I was definitely like, I will date boys after this, yeah, and then I like had this wild attraction to you, and I was like, Whoa, never in my life have I felt like that kind of connection and like attraction to a man, period.

SPEAKER_00

Right.

SPEAKER_01

With that being said, yeah, like if you ever like left me, cheated on me, like anything like that, where like we had to like separate divorce at this point, that's crazy. Um, I don't I don't know who I would date, to be honest.

SPEAKER_00

Not because I mean you know what gender you would date.

SPEAKER_01

I don't know. Because I feel like you've ruined me.

SPEAKER_00

But you're so gay.

SPEAKER_01

I am gay, but like would every girl just like remind me of you?

SPEAKER_00

Babe, why do we have to go there? That's so sad.

SPEAKER_01

I'm just saying, like, I feel like I would be like, oh my god, I might have to date men.

SPEAKER_00

Like you're saying that you would maybe have to date men just because it would be such the opposite of what you had. I know, but honey, you're too gay for that. I'm sorry. You're too gay for that. Oh god, like so hard. I date men again. We're over here. Well, I think I think you're good, hen.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, okay, good. Let's just like be together. I'm like, what? Oh my god, I feel like I just went down a really bad rabbit hole.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, right. Um don't ever divorce me. I'm not ever gonna divorce you. You have my word on a podcast. Um but what I was gonna say is that we were it's funny how we were literally just talking about sexuality as a spectrum, which it is, but you're too gay today, men. So just saying.

SPEAKER_01

Um people Honest go from zero to really gay, like zero to ten, ten being the gayest. How gay do you think I am?

SPEAKER_00

Ten and a half. Okay, so I feel like I need to tell this story, which like I don't know if you'll agree with, but so I don't know where you're going. Well, it's not really a story, but like you kind of like to question people who are super straight, and because we talk about how it's a solemn spectrum, and you'll be like, okay, but there's gotta be some, you know, you kind of like to just like allow people to be more open-minded. Yeah, it is it is you're just trying to open minds, which is period. But I sometimes I do have to remind you that just the way that you're very, very gay, there are some people on the planet that are very, very straight. And sometimes I have to tell you that because you'll be like, okay, but if she tried it, and I'm like, I hear you, her life would be better. I agree with you, period. If she like a lot of women, I'm like, yes, they should date women, but I have to remind you sometimes that you can't just the way that you can't force someone to be straight, like in conversion therapy, you also can't force someone to be gay. So sometimes I feel like I have to remind you that.

SPEAKER_01

My mom should be a lesbian, right? But she's not. I know that, but like I think she could be. Like, I think like if you just kiss a girl once, like it would be fine. This is what I'm talking about. My mom doesn't want to be with a man. My mom wants to be with a butch, lesbian, or a gay man. She does not want to be with a straight man. Let me tell you why.

SPEAKER_00

Well, we have to clarify that she says she wants to be with a man. You just said my mom. Yes. She says she wants to be with a man, but you think that her actual needs would be more met by a gay man or a gay woman. Yes.

SPEAKER_01

I do believe that. Because this is what she wants in a partner. Someone to watch HGTV with.

SPEAKER_00

Yes.

SPEAKER_01

Someone to decorate her house with, and everything still be pink. Someone to craft with. Someone to craft with, someone to go on walks with, someone to have dogs with.

SPEAKER_00

Those are gender neutral, in my opinion.

SPEAKER_01

Okay.

SPEAKER_00

She's like, she can't be with a straight man.

SPEAKER_01

She likes dogs and I think that my mom needs.

SPEAKER_00

She wants to go to like Hobby Lobby and like Home Depot.

SPEAKER_01

Yes. But like also, I feel like she just needs a handyman. She really does. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00

She doesn't need a man, she needs a handyman. She doesn't need a man, she needs a handyman. She doesn't need a man, she needs a handyman. A gay bestie. Yes. And some girlfriend.

SPEAKER_01

Like, yes, just on wine with golden girls is. Yes. You know? Yes. I think that that would make that would be her best life.

SPEAKER_00

She needs the golden girls and a handyman.

SPEAKER_01

Yes.

SPEAKER_00

That she doesn't have to pay for. Yes. That's it. That she's good.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_00

I'm glad we figured this out.

SPEAKER_01

But no, I think that I mean, I was so like trapped in this thought of like I have to be with men, even though I felt so broken every single time I was ever with a man. With that being said, like my thoughts are like, shoot, if I can do it, anybody can do it.

SPEAKER_00

I know. But you're gay.

SPEAKER_01

That is true.

SPEAKER_00

So I will say this though. The thing you were talking about the like crazy attraction to me when you met me. So I think a very, very shocking moment for me, which you always like laugh at me for this, but a very shocking moment for me was when I saw you from a distance, hadn't met you yet, and thought you were super hot. That had never happened to me before. So like you talk about a gay awakening.

SPEAKER_01

I was your gay awakening.

SPEAKER_00

You were my gay awakening. And I know oh my gosh. I know that you, I know that you will say every time I say that, like you were the first person that I was like, whoa, I'm attracted to her. You will always be like, but you dated someone before me. But that was an emotional, that was not a see you across the room. That was an emotional attraction. Yeah. Turned like we are dating. Right. You were the first time I had ever seen somebody and been like, She's hot. Oh my gosh, I'm a Victoria's Secret supermodel. Literally. Literally. So does that make does that make sense to you at all? Because you'll always be like, How was I like the first person you were really attracted to? But you dated somebody. And I'm like, the first like it's attraction's a weird word. Okay. But the first person I was like, she's hot.

SPEAKER_01

Did you think men were hot? Like, did you ever go like, damn, I wanna jump on that? I don't know how to say this, like PG. Like, man, I'd hit that.

SPEAKER_00

Probably in like a certain version of that, but not like all the way to the physical.

SPEAKER_01

More just not in the way that you felt about me.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, and not like in a jump their bones kind of way.

SPEAKER_01

Wow.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. So I hadn't really felt like a want to jump their bones for like many people at all. At that point, it was like, I I know this sounds so like like I'm above being attracted to people. That's not what I'm saying, but I just like emotions really did come first for me in every way. Unless I was like super drunk and making out with a boy, but that doesn't count. Like I'm talking about like relationships. Like when it came to relationships, like emotions really came first. Yeah. And then with you, that was the first time I was like, why do I think that girl's hot? What if I'm a lesbian? While I was like just finishing up a relationship with a girl for four years, confused about. I was like, maybe I'm gay.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

So that's why does that answer your question at all?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

You were my gay awakening. Does that does that help?

SPEAKER_01

I mean, that does help. You have I'm not gonna lie, that definitely helps.

SPEAKER_00

You have like 20 gay awakenings before me, and then I'm like, and then with me, I'm like, yeah, um, it was you. So yeah, that helps a lot. I remember though, like when you and I started dating, my dad was like, Does this mean you're gay now? Because I hadn't really like come out to them. I just kind of said, I have a girlfriend, but I don't know what to take of it before. He's like, Does this mean you're gay now? And I'm laughing because I didn't know how to answer it. And I remember just being like, sure. And he's like, I'm not asking you like to say yes. I'm just wondering. And I'm like, I don't, I didn't have the verbiage to be able to express the fluidity and spectrum of sexuality. Like, I didn't have that in front of me. Yeah. And so because of that, I was like, sure, yesterday I was kind of gay, now I'm gay.

SPEAKER_01

Well, that is something that like we never talked about. No, ever. It was like, you're a girl, you date a boy, you're a boy, you date a girl. Like, that's just how it was, like growing up in our generation. I feel even on TV, like we, I mean, I remember when Tila Tequila had like her show on MTV. Another gay awakening for me. It was another gay awakening for me. I used to clothe myself in my room, and this is like when I lived in my mom's house, like during college. Spice girls? Yes. Spice girls.

SPEAKER_00

Yes, spice girls and teila tequila.

SPEAKER_01

They're a lot in between, but yes, teila tequila. Tila tequila. And I remember being like, oh my gosh, like I am gonna close myself in this room and watch a girl kiss a boy, and then a girl kiss a girl, and a girl kiss a boy, and a girl kiss a girl, and like that's all okay. And I remember just being like, Whoa, this is crazy. A girl can like kissing a boy and like kissing a girl. And I do think that that was the other part with me too that was so confusing during like my understanding of my sexuality, was that I too did not mind the physical of being with a man, like kissing a man, like being held by a man kind of, I don't know. All of that like icks me out now. But back then it wasn't, I was not being performative about dating men. It was literally like maybe I'll find one that I do like. Yeah. You know, like I feel like so many people were like, why didn't you come out to me or like, why didn't you tell me or like why, you know, why were you dating men? And it's like, because I didn't know that a girl like me was able to date women. Yeah. Like there was no femme representation. There was no like, oh, I've dated men my whole life, but actually I think I want to date women, you know, like there were none of those like people to like look to. So I was so confused. But like the the point where I realized that like I could not successfully be with a man was that no matter how many men I dated, like the kissing was great, no issues. Maybe second base was like kind of okay. Once we got like into like emotions and third base or fourth base, I was like, Oh my god, I need I need to go away.

SPEAKER_00

Just always hitting a wall.

SPEAKER_01

Like the wall was so intense, and like I still will be like, Oh, that guy's hot. Like he's a good looking guy, like hot, sure. But like, I just can't, I never think like, oh, I want to marry him, or like I just can never get to like that deep connection because you're married that I could with what I'm saying, like before you, before you, but like I can never get to that place.

SPEAKER_00

Well, you were talking about representation, yeah. And it's funny how much we're talking about the spectrum, but haven't dug into like the crazy lesbian representation that has been going on for like this. Was like more of last summer, but you know, it's like when we were growing up. I mean, like, I know like Miley Cyrus, like kind of talked about being bi and like you know, there was some like dabbling, holy, yeah, yeah, but there wasn't really a whole lot of like this is like from pop stars from like huge celebrities, there wasn't really female um gay representation.

SPEAKER_01

Hailey Kyoko. Yeah, that's our girl.

SPEAKER_00

We love her until like somewhat recently, and last summer was really like confusing for the lesbian community, I think. Because on one hand, so for those of you who don't know, Fletcher is a pop star and she had Um dated girls and sang about girls, and a lot of her music involved, like the you know, a lot of like kissing and touching and you know, visuals of her with girls. And um then Billie Eilish dated a girl. There's like a few big names that had been known for being with girls, and then a handful of them went back to dating boys, like all about the same time, and the lesbian community freaked out. Yeah, well, it was also Jojo Siwa. Jojo Siwa, too. And and I think, and I and this is obviously like uh in the lesbian community, this is a controversial topic because I think fluidity is absolutely welcome and encouraged, and nobody necessarily needs to fit into a box. I think that people can follow their own paths and all of that, but I think where the controversy comes in is that a few of these women we felt like made their name out of like being lesbian, like and like showcasing it and kind of like you could argue like the term queer baiting, but they were queer. And so it was kind of like bringing like allowing lesbians to have a place to be and allowing lesbians to have a place to see themselves. And when a few of them went back to dating men, I feel like a lot of girls felt a lot of lesbians felt like they were kind of like tricked or queer baited into liking somebody that really didn't identify the same way that the lesbian community identified.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, and I guess like, yeah, okay, and I guess that Fletcher kind of always said that she was bi, but she only ever sang about girls. So, like I think it would have been different if like Halsey would have like come out like with a girl dating a girl because she had dated guys before.

SPEAKER_00

She was open about both genders and all that, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And then like dated a guy again, it wouldn't feel as like um like traitor-y.

SPEAKER_00

Do you remember that Halsey song? Like, there's a girl back home in Michigan. So she talks about dating boys and talks about dating girls. Yeah, it's not like I don't think the lesbian community is like anti-bisexuality or anti-being able to date both genders, but I think a a lot of people felt betrayed by the fact that they were kind of like shown, hey, like, come on, lesbians, come to my show. And then the next album or song or whatever was boy. It was called Boy. She's dating a boy, and I think a lot of just people felt like she had kind of turned on them.

SPEAKER_01

That was a way to hit the nail on the head that she going back. Maybe we should have been a little softer on that for the community. And it was during it was during Pride Month, which is so hard. But like, and there it that is hard because we're here talking about how sexuality is a spectrum and fluidity and how much we love that. And then we talk about someone that here's the thing, and I think that this is the distinction. If we had known her as being bi, I think that it would have been a lot easier to like see her sing about women and then date a man. But all I had ever known her as was like, I always thought that she identified as a lesbian.

SPEAKER_00

And Jojo Siwa as well was like, I am a lesbian, lesbian, lesbian. I'm like, what did she call herself the per first person to ever do gay pop music or something like that? To me, I'm not telling somebody who they can and can't be. Yeah. I'm just saying, okay, those weren't the words that you said. So then you're going around getting the lesbian community to have this like icon or this person that they looked up to because you're saying, I'm a lesbian, I'm a lesbian, I'm a lesbian. And then all of a sudden you're like, I'm dating this boy. And it just confuses people. I don't think that you're not allowed to be fluid. I think it just comes off that you were baiting the community to get attention versus like having a genuine, um, queer experience, you know.

SPEAKER_01

Honestly, Fletcher being with a boy kind of reminds me of when I was like five and learned the Christmas story of Jesus and the Virgin Mary. And like I remember such a jump. And I remember thinking when I heard the story for the first time, like, oh my gosh, Mary was a virgin and I have never had sex before because I'm five, and why do I know that word? But I remember being like, oh my gosh, what if I wake up tomorrow and I'm pregnant? Okay, so how does that have to do with JoJo? No, Fletcher becoming Fletcher dating a boy. I'm trying to keep up, like in my like lesbianism and like how much I love it. I was like, oh my God, could I wake up tomorrow and want to date a boy?

SPEAKER_00

Because you felt like you identified so much with Fletcher. Yes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And I thought on a scale from zero to gay, she was 11. Yeah. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00

Like, even a little more than you were identifying with Fletcher. And so then when she goes and dates a boy, it just kind of confuses like the way the horror. The horror. I think also like like people are allowed to do whatever they want. It's not about what they're allowed to do and not allowed to do, it's just the way when you're in the public eye like that, the way you talk about yourself and the way you present yourself and the way you market yourself, which is I think is a key word. Yes. The way you market yourself, I think people are gonna remember that. And people are gonna go, oh, she wanted me to be in her in her fan base, and she worked really hard to get me here. And then she's, you know, not who she said she was, kind of. And obviously that's a really controversial topic, but it's just it's just interesting to see. I think also for a lot of women, they were like, I don't want my parents, I don't want the society to use her as an example of like anyone can go back and be straight. Yes, you just have to find the right boy, and anyone can be straight. Right. So is Fletcher allowed to have that um fluidity and that experience? A thousand percent. But I think it just took away some of the like representation that people felt and the like security that they felt in like their identity alongside her.

SPEAKER_01

Yes, you know, yeah. I mean, and I I think it's like similar to like okay, not similar to, but in other situations. I think about like a Betty Who, yeah, who is queer, dated men and women as she was dating, you know, in her like teens and twenties, I think, like kind of was always very like fluid and kind of like androgynous too, with like the way that she dresses and the way that she presents herself and and all that, and then she ends up, you know, dating uh and marrying a man, but she's still in the queer community and like still identifies as queer. And I think that that's like a whole other chapter of sexuality, is like just like just because she was bi, you know, and like she dated girls and then she ended up marrying a man, so she's gonna be um with a man hopefully for the rest of her life, you know. But that doesn't take away from the fact that she dated girls and was very happy with that. So like that doesn't take away her queerness.

SPEAKER_00

Well, there's absolutely like if you're queer and you're married to the opposite sex, it doesn't take away your queerness. With that being said, I think that um a lot of people like there's she doesn't have to face the same things that we face. Do you know what I'm saying? So, and when I say that, I'm not talking about publicly, I'm not talking about as a singer, I'm talking about walking down the street. Yeah, she, you know, has a straight passing relationship and we do not, you know, so she's queer and we're queer, but when we're walking down the street, it's much more obvious. Right. And so that does not take away her queerness, right? But we are gonna have different experiences walking through the world, yeah. And we're gonna face different challenges walking through the world as a uh couple that does not pat like is not straight passing versus a couple that is straight passing. So, you know, then the in the entire queer community, there's we learn new stuff every day. There's a whole culture, there's so much that we don't even know, and there's so many different identities that we can't even like fully relate to or know a whole lot about. And so, like, obviously, if someone says they're queer, I believe you. I encourage it. Good for you, that's great. Um, but I know like the same way that a straight passing relationship is not gonna face the same challenges that we face. We also are not gonna face the same challenges that a trans person faces. Yeah, you know, and so we can't sit there and say, Oh, we're we're queer too, just like you in the trans community. And so, because of that, you should feel a hundred percent like we have the same experience. Like we do have to recognize that there's different levels, there's different levels of bigotry, safety, safety, and not all queer experience is the same. Yeah, you know, and so like we're all part of this amazing, beautiful, wonderful, queer community, but there's so many different layers to it. And um, like a safety is a big word. Yeah, safety is a big word.

SPEAKER_01

That was my biggest thing. Like, you know, being in country music and like playing at these festivals and stuff was like, my gosh, like if I came out right now, am I safe to play these festivals? This is my job.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, you know, I mean, it's still a question.

SPEAKER_01

I know, it's absolutely still a question, and if anything, it's gotten worse, not better. Yeah, you know, yeah. Um, I have a question for you. Oh, wow. Did you ever want to kiss any of your girlfriends? No. When you were like growing up, like your friends, no, right?

SPEAKER_00

No, which is another reason why it took me a lot longer to figure out. Yeah, isn't that crazy?

SPEAKER_01

But like as gay as I am, yeah, like my girlfriends in high school, my friends who were girls in high school used to try to kiss me like when we were drunk at a party, and I was so icked out by it. Like, because I also knew like it was like probably attention grabbing. It wasn't like, I don't know. Like I was like, what are you doing?

SPEAKER_00

Like, I think it's a common misconception. Yeah. That if you are a gay person, I'm just gonna go from my perspective, a gay girl, especially a gay girl, because that tends to be more of a thing with girls in like in college or drunk, drunkenly kissing each other. There's this misconception that if you're gay, you'll want to kiss your friends.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And I didn't not once.

SPEAKER_01

I didn't either, and I'm I'm gay.

SPEAKER_00

We've established the gayest.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, but like I do think that that was so confusing for me understanding my sexuality is in the times when I was presented with like kissing a girl, I did not want to kiss my friends. Like, if my friend is drunkenly trying to kiss me at a party, I was like, no, what are you trying to do?

SPEAKER_00

Right, you know, like attraction is different than sexuality because it's like just because I am identify as gay does not mean that I'm attracted to every single girl. Like for me, it was like my friendships were this whole other category of humans that are just like my besties, my people. And then there's like the people that you're attracted to. It just never overlapped for one second for me. And so I think for a lot of people, they're like, no, I don't think I'm gay. I've never wanted to kiss my girlfriends. And I'm like, nah, I mean, obviously, some people do, some people fall in love with their best friend or whatever. But I think that a lot of people think that's that's the order of operations. And I'm like, nah, leave leave your friends in that category, and then, you know, like at least like if especially like if they're straight, like leave your straight friends to be straight, and then like go date other girls and like on apps or don't be confused.

SPEAKER_01

Go to a game. Yeah, don't be confused if you think that you might be gay, but you don't want to kiss your friends. Yeah, like that is a completely different category, and it's so confusing, I understand. But like I just remember, I remember always like having crushes on older people, like my teachers, like Matilda, Miss Honeycutt. I feel like we need just like that was her name, right? Miss Honeycutt, or was it Miss Honeybee? Miss Honey. Miss Honey. Miss Honey.

SPEAKER_00

I had such a little crush on Miss Honey. We need to make like a list of all of all of your gay awakenings. I think that we're like in the double digits now.

SPEAKER_01

A timeline of gay awakenings for me.

SPEAKER_00

Spice girls too could probably each girl each girl gets her own line in the in the chronicles.

SPEAKER_01

Literally stop.

SPEAKER_00

Oh my god. So many gay awakenings.

SPEAKER_01

I know.

SPEAKER_00

I feel like you better understand that you are my gay awakening. So I'm glad.

SPEAKER_01

I do feel better about this now.

SPEAKER_00

I'm glad we've established that.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. Um, all this to say, sexuality is so fluid. It's so, it's such on such a spectrum. And so intricate, too.

SPEAKER_00

Like, straight people are like, I'm straight. Queer people are like, Well, how much time do you have? Literally. Should we make a podcast about it? Should we make a two-part podcast about it? Yeah, right. Straight people are like, I met my boyfriend and he's cute. Yes. And we're over here like, how? All right, let's let's we need like one of those, you know. Um, for those of you who watch the L word, there's like the diagram with all the arrows of all the girls. And we need like a whole diagram to explain sexuality.

SPEAKER_01

A hundred percent.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, but at least our knowledge of it. There's so much more out there, too.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

We've done the best we could, okay. We really have, we really have.

SPEAKER_01

Anyways, we love you guys, whether you're straight, gay, or figuring it out.

SPEAKER_00

Even if you're straight, we think you're great.

SPEAKER_01

Okay. You're straight, but you're great. Yeah. We love you.

SPEAKER_00

See you guys next time. See you next week.