S1E15: Parashat Injured

Dead car? Dead cat? Dead parent? High five!

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Stop walking like a Disney witch and let's go visit the sick. It's ParaShot Injured this week on Jew Girl. Hello and welcome to Jew Girl, a New Girl podcast for the Jew Curious, in which I make my brother watch my favorite TV show New Girl for the first time and learn some stuff about Judaism. My name is Robin.

SPEAKER_00 0:30

My name is Jay. And who's the guy who is so stupid that he thought he could fix a washing machine with a knife? This guy points to Casket. Yes, that's right. Winston's funeral joke.

SPEAKER_01 0:44

Oh my god, I almost forgot about that. What a moment that is.

SPEAKER_00 0:49

My favorite random insert flashback for Winston so far. You don't want to speak at a funeral. I've done that before.

SPEAKER_02 0:59

Winston wisdom. Oh, this is a good episode. I'm excited to talk about this episode. How are you feeling about it? You ready to jump in? Let's jump right in. Okay, so here's a recap, folks. Uh, Nick, Nick's back gets injured in a football game in the park. And since he has no insurance and avoids doctors, Jess drags him to unofficially get checked out by her OBGYN friend Sadie. Sadie's back. Sadie! Who unrelatedly notices a concerning thyroid growth and insists on setting up an ultrasound for him the next morning. All the worried friends follow Nick to his bar shift, and they spend the entire day getting progressively more emotional and singing drunken tribute songs to Nick around a piano. But after Jess tells a goofy joke, Nick says she's not allowed to speak at his funeral because she doesn't know how to be real, which stings. So eventually, Jess gets real and accuses Nick of never doing anything, which he basically agrees with. He admits that he's pretty paralyzed by uncertainty and is never the adventurous one. So on an impulse, they all go to the beach, and Nick runs in naked before immediately running back out because it's cold. Meanwhile, Schmidt and Cece on the beach are quietly talking about her dad dying when she was 12. And drunk Nick tells Jess that he likes her a lot and is glad she's around, but then realizes he won't remember any of this in the morning. They all wake up on the beach, they go to the ultrasound. Nick doesn't have cancer, it's just a cyst or something. And also, the friends have quietly split the cost of the appointment since they knew Nick would not be able to afford it. And also, Winston's car during this whole thing is just fully falling apart, like beyond repair. This is also a plot. He's in denial out of nostalgia, but by the end of the episode, it will not start. So he has to let her go. And that's the episode. And he just leaves it in a parking lot. He just leaves it outside the doctor's. Yeah. So what else can you do?

SPEAKER_00 3:03

What else can you do?

SPEAKER_02 3:04

So let's pass her out. The feeling schtick, by the way, return of the feeling stick, rather. Did you hear when Nick's like, I don't want daffy duck voices and feeling sticks at his funeral?

SPEAKER_00 3:16

No, actually, I missed that. I did pick up on the daffy duck impersonations, but Justice for the feeling stick, it's back.

SPEAKER_02 3:23

So on that note, I'm gonna hand the feeling shtick over to you. And I want you to tell me how you feel about this episode. What are your thoughts? What are your questions? What are your predictions?

SPEAKER_00 3:32

Uh well, first thing Sadie, the lesbian friend is back. That's great. We we were wondering if this random friend that they introduced several many episodes ago would come back. Glad to see payoff on that. Yeah. And the fact that she's a doctor paid off. Yeah. Even though it's not the same the right kind of doctor, I suppose, for what they needed.

SPEAKER_02 3:51

That's right. But we were she came up because she could gynecology and Schmidt was like, yay, vaginas. Yeah. Right, right, right. Paying off, part of the plot.

SPEAKER_00 3:59

Paying off. Um, Jess is a good friend for making Nick go get the ultrasound. That's my that's my headline for this episode. I think she's a very good friend. I know that he's like reluctant, right? And like you don't want to be too pushy and stuff, but at the same time, it's like that that matters. And it was very nice that they all chipped in to cover the cost of it, right? Like, yeah. Uh so just is good for that. I really liked the conflict between Jess and Nick with the you don't know how to be real versus you don't do anything. Really liked that. Again, it kind of felt like Nick was almost speaking like a pessimistic audience member, right? Who's like, oh, I don't like this protagonist, acknowledging the fact that she's all sun and rainbows all the time. Right. Which is it's probably not fair of me to just like totally say that they're speaking for the audience, because as the audience, we do like Jess, right? Uh but sometimes when she gets called out for her otherworldness, I think it stands out to me as like, oh, they're saying the thing out loud. It almost feels like they're breaking the fourth wall when they're like, Whoa, Jess, you're Jess, you know?

SPEAKER_02 5:08

Yeah, it does add an element of realism, realisticness, I guess.

SPEAKER_00 5:12

Which is silly because it's like they're in that world and and she says those things to them, so it shouldn't be breaking the fourth wall. But I digress.

SPEAKER_02 5:20

But you don't meet a lot of Jesses in real life.

SPEAKER_00 5:22

Sure, sure. Also, Nick almost says that he likes likes Jess. He doesn't, right? He just says that he likes that she's around. She likes he likes her and he likes that she's around. But, you know, planting that seed there, they're really good friends, at least up front, right? A lot of good relationships start as friends.

SPEAKER_01 5:45

They are.

SPEAKER_00 5:45

And then for favorite moments, just listening to the Winston funeral joke, I thought was great. And so unexpected. And when Nick says, I can taste my spine after the injury to his best.

SPEAKER_02 6:02

Unhinged. A good line.

SPEAKER_00 6:04

How about you?

SPEAKER_02 6:05

I love when Jess is like, Are you sure you're okay? You're walking like a Disney witch. Let me drive you to your doctor. That's the Disney witch thing really gets me. But actually, uh, the moment that I find so, so funny is when Sadie, you know, unofficially prescribes him pills and is like, please don't take those pills. Don't take those pills. Nobody prescribed them. Why would you take them? No, that's bad. Don't do that. Like, and then and all the while Jess is like, take them, take the pills. That's code. Take the pills. Means do it. It's so funny to me. Uh, and I also like Nick's whole thing about how he, one of the reasons he moved, like all the excuses he's giving of why he can't go. He's like, I lost the stamp. It sounds worse than it is, but it's a somewhat expensive. Like he was gonna look for the stamp. When he says that one of the reasons he moved to Los Angeles was to get closer to Wales so he could record them. Hasn't gotten around to it. Like all these reasons he gives. I just find it so funny.

SPEAKER_00 6:58

Those were those were two very good moments.

SPEAKER_02 7:00

This is a really good episode. I'm glad you liked it. And it's a little different, right? It's a little less uh yeah. I mean, there still is like a B plot or whatever, but it's kind of like everyone's all together for the whole thing, sort of, and we're just going through it together. It's a little, it diverges a little bit, I think, from the traditional format.

SPEAKER_00 7:16

Yeah, totally, I think it gets a little more serious than maybe it usually does just because the nature of like medical scares, right? Right. I did almost expect Nick to lie to us, and when he says, like, oh, it's I'm good, I don't have cancer, and then like the twist right at the credits at the end would be like him getting a letter about the cancer or something that he lied to them about. I'm glad that is not what happened, but I I almost didn't believe him at first when he came back because I feel like that's who he is. I feel like he we found out maybe he wouldn't admit it to them.

SPEAKER_02 7:48

That's a good point. And that's when New Girl would just get really dark.

SPEAKER_00 7:52

Come no more. Now it's like a really depressing drama or something. Or it's like a twist that they they hold on to for a long time. Yeah. Anyways.

SPEAKER_02 8:02

Uh, do you have any uh little shekels to put in the douchebag Sadaka box this week?

SPEAKER_00 8:07

Yes, Schmidt twice for two non-consensual kisses with Nick.

SPEAKER_02 8:13

Oh yeah, that's right. The Fredo kisses, which I had to look up to see what that meant. Sorry, Godfather fans, I was not as familiar with the term Fredo kissing. Is it Fredo?

SPEAKER_00 8:22

It was Fredo kissing, right? No idea what that is. What is it?

SPEAKER_02 8:25

I think it's like in The Godfather, they're you know, two guys he grabs him, he like kisses him on the mouth or whatever, but like in a you know, mafia manly question mark way.

SPEAKER_01 8:36

I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 8:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:38

Sure.

SPEAKER_02 8:38

Exactly like Schmidt's trying to do tuning. Nick's like, stop Fredo kissing me.

SPEAKER_00 8:43

Hope I'm pronouncing that right. I didn't re-watch the clips. No, I bet you are. Maybe I should go back and and watch The Godfather finally. Also, maybe some coins for the somewhat uh uh likely non-consensual head-on CC boob. Right, right. The bosom for comfort. But they're also sleeping together. She doesn't throw them off. But you know, consent means yes.

SPEAKER_02 9:06

That was my that was my exact thought process, actually. Like, you know, uh, and then also, well, but yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:13

Yeah. And then also when Schmidt says, you know, I know this is not the right moment, maybe, but does anyone else agree that Nick could stand to lose five to seven pounds? Like that's true. What are you doing? What are you doing, man? So that's what I had.

SPEAKER_02 9:29

Well, uh, oi, oi, vei j. Did you have any edit-based stuff for us today?

SPEAKER_00 9:36

I did, more than usual, but uh they're they're all relatively small. First off, oi vee, the sound of Nick's spine as he's rolling around. Oh, obviously added in post, and it's just really disturbing. It reminds me of, I don't know if you have seen the movie of Le Miz, spoiler alerts for LeMiz. But when Javert jumps off the bridge and hits the platform below, it's like that is the quintessential, awful, bone-breaking sound effect in my mind. Ugh. And so it reminded me of that. It's really gross. Anyways, they kept doing it with Nick's spine, and I was like, ugh. And I like crack my fingers all the time, right? Like, I should be used to those types of noises, but to just think that it was because of an injury, oof. Also, Schmidt wearing a cardigan in the bar. I thought that was nice consistency.

SPEAKER_01 10:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:28

Throw back to cardigan, cardigan, I'm wearing a cardigan.

SPEAKER_02 10:31

So true. We love cardigan watch.

SPEAKER_00 10:34

Exactly. And then there are two jokes that I wanted to call out in Oive Edibase specifically, because this show does a lot of spoken jokes, but this episode had two very good jokes by Edit that I thought were were worth pointing out, which is Winston's car reveal. You don't see the full car until it cuts to it after he's like, Oh, you hit my car. And then you see how beat up it is, right? Him being upset about his car being dented, right? And someone says, like, I think I undid a dent there, actually. Like, so that edit, very good reveal. And the reveal with the phone, where Nick takes the phone to look at, you know, what could the medical issue in his neck be that they were all looking up. And it's just like the skull and crossbones, and it says warning death. Oh, I love that. Such a good joke. I wanted to call them out because it's the editing and the and the timing that just makes makes it.

SPEAKER_02 11:29

Yeah, that's true. The non- the non-verbal jokes, yeah. That phone screen kills me with the skull and crossbones and death. Oh, it's so funny to me.

SPEAKER_00 11:37

Yeah, it doesn't take a uh you don't have to be very observant to recognize the joke on the phone, I guess.

SPEAKER_02 11:44

And speaking of being observant, I think it's time for the segment we call observant Jews. This is, of course, the segment in which we find out if we two Jews were observant this episode. Observant enough to catch a couple things. The first being Jewish jokes or content, and the second being a bear. So, Jay, my brother, tell me, did you find any Jewish jokes or content this episode?

SPEAKER_00 12:18

Just when Schmidt says that he had gifted Nick a Bluetooth, but he gave it back to him for Hanukkah.

SPEAKER_02 12:23

Ding ding ding. That's the one.

SPEAKER_00 12:26

And I found nothing for the bear.

SPEAKER_02 12:28

Yeah, me neither. And then I looked it up, and somebody online is like, oh, Jess tells a joke about Daniel Boone. And, you know, not mentioned, Daniel Boone killed a lot of bears. I'm like, no, thumbs down, just like that. Nope. Come on. Too much of a stretch. So we're calling it no bears this episode.

SPEAKER_00 12:50

Should I know who Daniel Boone is?

SPEAKER_02 12:52

You know, raccoon hat. I don't know who Daniel Boone is other than raccoon hat. Daniel Boone. Clack, click, clack, click, clack. Yeah, raccoon hat. That's all you need to know. No, pioneer, frontiersman. You know the type. Killer. Bear serial killer. Yeah, notorious killer of bears in the in the w wild, wild American West. No bears. No bears. No bears. But you know what there was this episode? A Schmidbit. A Schmidbit. And this is a good one. I mean, maybe it's a depressing one, but it's it's really applicable to a moment that Schmidt gave us. So, of course, Schmidbitz, for any new listeners out there, Schmidbitz is a segment in which I grab something that Schmidt, our canonical Jew of the Loft, said or did this episode, and I give you a little tidbit about Judaism based on it. So this episode, we are going to talk about that moment with Schmidt and Cece on the beach when they are having that conversation about death and loss, and we learn that Cece's dad died when she was 12. And Schmidt's like, I had a cat that died. It was a big cat or something like that. So Cece has lost a parent, and Schmidt is not able to relate to that. So hold that in your mind. You're gonna see why that's relevant in a second. I'm going to talk about this thing called Yizkor. Okay. So Yizkor is a memorial prayer service for the deceased. It's an Ashkenazi thing. It has another name technically, but everybody calls it Yizkor. And that word, it's the first word of the prayer, and it basically means remember. So it's a remembering prayer for the dead. Okay. It happens four times a year. Kind of a big deal, I guess. Uh it happens on Yom Kippur, one of the days of Passover, one of the days of Shavuot, and a holiday called Shmini Atzerat. I know like half of those you don't know anything about. That's fine. Happens four times a year on big holidays. Okay. And you recite this prayer for an individual or individuals in your life who have died, but primarily with an emphasis on parents who have died. You are remembering them, and you're also pledging actually to give charity in their honor. Oh. But you're sort of also asking God to remember their souls, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So it's a remembrance prayer. And also you can like usually donate if you want to get their names in the little Yizcore book of remembrance, if you want to do that sort of thing. So everyone, oh, who's your dead person? Oh, let me check the book, you know. Um, but the the thing that's really interesting, and the thing that I've always found really profound, and the thing that connects back to this moment with Schmidt and Cece is that traditionally people with two living parents, so like both their parents still alive, they leave the sanctuary before Yizcor. So that only people with at least one deceased parent remains in the sanctuary to actually say these prayers. Now, apparently this has traditionally been rooted in superstition, I guess. Like you might get the evil eye cast on you by jealous mourners if you stayed, or you might accidentally summon the need to actually be in mourning. Whatever. Superstitions, sure. Maybe that was the uh route. Okay. And actually, I was surprised reading perspectives of mourners online who apparently really hate Yizkor and the custom of people leaving specifically, either because it outs them as having a dead parent, which maybe they don't like, or because they think it runs contrary to the admittedly very Jewish idea of needing to be surrounded by a community of support when you're mourning, which is something we'll maybe talk about at a later day, because it's it's really a thing. But this is a little bit different than that. This, you know, people are leaving and not surrounding you if they don't have this in common with you. So all those feelings from those people writing online that I read about, totally valid, totally legitimate, right? But I was surprised because we have a dead parent, Jay, you and I. We do. As you may remember. As you may remember, you may recall we have a dead parent. So that means, you know, I stay in the sanctuary and a lot of the people around me, including my husband, they leave the sanctuary. And I personally have always felt comforted in a way by that tradition. Because a couple things. To me, it's always felt like one, a sort of public acknowledgement that losing or lacking a parent is a grief that is heavy and not necessarily understood by people who haven't experienced it yet themselves. So it's sort of validating the weight of it a little bit. It's saying, listen, this is a pain that maybe you can't understand. I mean, there are more devastating versions of loss out there. There are more devastating ways to lose somebody, but losing a parent is, you know, like maybe it's a common threshold that everyone who lives long enough reaches eventually, right? Sure. So you're eventually initiated into this community of people who have experienced this grief, but until then, you're you're not, you don't really get it. Um and two, I always feel like a sort of camaraderie bondedness with the people who do remain in the room, right?

SPEAKER_00 18:00

Sure, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 18:00

But then again, I'm the kind of person who uh gives people dead parent high fives.

SPEAKER_01 18:05

You ever do that?

SPEAKER_02 18:06

If it's not a fresh loss, if it's not a fresh loss, but you know, you like meet someone who's young also and is also living without a parent, and you're like, hey, I see you. You see me, you get it. You ever give a dead parent high five?

SPEAKER_00 18:17

If I I don't get I haven't given a high five, maybe I'll have to try that next time. I mean, I am notorious for dead parent jokes. Uh oh yeah. Just just jokes. Well, in in the way that it like catches someone off guard. Right. Like it's a it's a crazy fact to lead with when you're introducing someone. Or if someone makes like a like a ma your mom joke, and then you say you say, My mom's dead, it like they suddenly flips a script, and then they're a deer in the headlights, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 18:49

I love doing that. People get so freaked out, and then you can be like, No, no, no, no, don't worry. Then you get to be like the benevolent one, like, it happened a long time ago, don't worry. But like, yes, I have put you in that position now. How does it feel?

SPEAKER_00 19:03

I feel like it's a hard thing to explain to someone who isn't in that situation, maybe.

SPEAKER_02 19:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:10

And that I think maybe ties into this idea perfectly of the escore of maybe there are things that people who have gone through that experience and and who are living in that situation uh can can relate to each other over.

SPEAKER_02 19:24

Exactly. Yeah. 10 out of 10 recommend trying a dead parent high five next time you meet someone for whom it is not fresh. I would not do it for a recently no no current grieving happening, but it's always been very well received for me every time I've done it.

SPEAKER_00 19:38

I really thought you were gonna say 10 out of 10 would recommend trying a dead parent.

SPEAKER_02 19:42

No, no, no.

SPEAKER_00 19:43

It's like, oh yikes.

SPEAKER_02 19:44

I mean, I guess it means that you're living a long life long enough, hopefully, right? If you reach that threshold, so hopefully. Yes, may everyone eventually experience the grief of a dead parent. Okay, I'm gonna stop talking now.

SPEAKER_00 19:56

I'm gonna stop talking. That's okay. I see you. You're valid. Thank you, Jay. And big emphasis on the with the passage of time, I think. You know, like we obviously are not casting aside any sympathy for people who are currently going through that loss freshly. Yeah, yes, yes.

SPEAKER_02 20:14

Hope all this joking aside is clear that we see you and get it if you are going through it right now, and I'm sorry. And yeah, yeah. Just take heart knowing that when time passes, you will find joy even in the grief like we are.

SPEAKER_00 20:30

So And maybe you'll end up high-fiving at some point, someone else in a similar boat. Uh going back to that high five though, I don't high-five people when I find out that they've lost a parent, but and I'm thinking specifically of of one of my friends who only has one parent now. When I found that out, I mean the first thing I do is say, like, oh, well, me too. And so I it's not a high five in a way, but if I find out someone is in that situation, it's always followed up with the same fact of but flip for me, you know? Yeah. Which in a way is a high five.

SPEAKER_02 21:04

It really is. It really is. And it's interesting. We're at this weird point in our life where we are still young enough that that's a notable fact.

SPEAKER_00 21:10

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 21:11

And I always think about how, you know, in 10, 20 years, 30 years, I don't know how old we are, but you know what I'm saying? Eventually, that's not gonna be everyone's gonna have a dead parent or two. Do you know what I mean? So there's it's actually like a really limited window of time in which that's an interesting fact. And so it's not like we're gonna be bonding with people when they lose their parent at 50, right? Right. It's a different kind of camaraderie in that case. But then again, Aggy's court, even the old people in the room, I still feel camaraderie with them too. So, you know, I guess it's a little bit of both.

SPEAKER_00 21:41

That's a really good point, though, because uh, we do not have a dead parent because we lived long enough to have a dead parent. We have a dead parent because they did not live long enough to have us get old before they passed away. Right, exactly.

SPEAKER_02 21:54

So, all of that to say, if CeCe and Schmidt were in services and it was Use Corps time. Schmidt would leave and Cece could stay and recite Yes Cor. And Schmidt would just be out in the hall, schmoozing, talking about his dead cat.

SPEAKER_00 22:09

It was a big cat. Listen, hey, it was a big cat. Almost human-sized. I think he says. Yeah, it's so funny.

SPEAKER_02 22:17

Well, great. Let's move on to some more Jewish stuff if you want. Is that the theme song that plays? I don't even know.

unknown 22:29

No.

SPEAKER_00 22:31

No, it's not, but it could be.

SPEAKER_02 22:33

This week. Gosh, it's this no, no, no. I'm not gonna say it's a depressing episode. It's not a depressing episode. I mean, we did just talk about dead parents for a while. Sure. And we are about to talk about illness, but it's fine because this one's a little lighter. This is a little happier, and it's great. It's all good. We are going to talk today about bikur holim. Let me put that in the chat for you. Clack, clack, clack, clack, clack. Today we are going to talk about bikur holim. So bikur holim is a mitzvah. Mitzvah, of course, literally means commandment, if you recall. So it's a commandment to visit the sick. It literally means, it literally translates to visiting the sick. So one thing to know at the outset, Judaism takes life very seriously, as well as emotional well-being. So physical well-being, but also emotional well-being. So the mitzvah to visit the sick is actually, palmutically at least, pretty regulated. There are some rules. Okay. And that's because there is a real sensitivity to the reality that the presence of visitors, if you're sick, it can sometimes be a burden or like cause embarrassment. So Judaism's sensitive to that. And so there are some rules to try to limit that dynamic.

SPEAKER_00 23:56

Oh neat.

SPEAKER_02 23:57

Yeah. Some of the rules, let me throw some at you. Unless the illness is really serious, consider waiting until the third day so as not to give the patient the idea that the illness is grave. Which is kind of funny.

SPEAKER_00 24:10

You don't want to scare them into thinking they're dying.

SPEAKER_02 24:12

Yeah, exactly. Oh my God, everybody came day one. Am I dying? Right. Another one, be thoughtful about the time of day that you visit. You know, if it's morning and you know they're going to be busy with nurses and doctors, or if it's evening and they're going to be tired. You know, be sensitive to that. You're also supposed to enter the room in a good mood. You're supposed to try not to be melancholy so that you are lifting their spirits rather than negatively affecting them. Good vibes only, you know? Give them a high five. That's right, give them a high five. Don't bring bad news. So you can't be like, hey, my parent just died. High five. No bad news. Don't bring bad news. Exercise some good judgment. This is interesting. About visiting someone that you don't really get along with. Because if you visit someone you don't really get along with, it could be interpreted as you gloating over their misfortune. So it's not like don't visit them. It's just like be thoughtful. Exercise good judgment over whether you do or not. Oh, interesting. There's, you know, length of visit is obviously a thing. So like don't you can and frequency. If you you can visit often as long as it doesn't become burdensome for the patient, but for the same reason, short visits are often preferable. You're just always being mindful of the needs and the wants of the sick person, basically. Kabad.org says you gotta have a sixth sense and realize when one is overstaying.

SPEAKER_00 25:30

So I like that. I support that idea. Be self-aware.

SPEAKER_02 25:33

Yeah, it's I mean, it's good, right? It seems like basic stuff, but it's also helpful to just kind of like say it all, right? Because then you're thinking about it all.

SPEAKER_00 25:41

Right, yeah. That's some real wisdom right there. It is. Where is this written in like the Talmud or the Torah or something?

SPEAKER_02 25:50

Yeah, it's in the Talmud, these uh these sort of unofficial rules. Gotcha. Although Bikur Holim comes from the Torah. Although I think it's like extrapolated from stories that are told, you know, people are people visit other people who are sick, and so there are these acts of visiting the sick and and loving kindness and things. There was an interesting thing I came across as I was reading up on Bikur Kholim's stuff. There's a famous rabbi and uh mystic, Rabbi Yeshayahu Horowitz, who taught that visiting the sick involves three elements. So the first element is visit them with one's body, with your body, which obviously means a personal visit, but it can also mean doing tangible things to improve their experience, like bringing food or books to read, or like brightening the room, adjusting the bed, stuff like that, physical stuff like that. The second element is with one's soul, of course. So you can pray, you can say psalms. By the way, the traditional prayer for healing that's referred to as the Meshaberach, Meshaberach. It's also recited in synagogues, so you'll hear it frequently. And the way that you wish somebody get well in uh Jewish lingo is Rafua Schlema, which basically means a full, swift recovery. So anyway, we got with one body, with one soul, and the last one is with one's money, especially if the person may have financial difficulty covering the medical expenses, which sounds familiar, doesn't it? To our episode.

SPEAKER_00 27:21

So Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 27:23

And one last rule I'll mention. If you're choosing, because it was interesting, if you're choosing between sick people, like if you got two to visit and you can only choose one, choose the person who has fewer or no visitors, which is nice. Yeah. It's nice. Again, it's like a thing that should seem obvious if you're thinking about doing the right thing, but it's like kind of nice that somebody just like, you know, let's write down all the good ideas we've had about how best to visit sick people.

SPEAKER_01 27:47

I'm like, oh yeah, that's that's really nice.

SPEAKER_02 27:50

But above all, in in this whole thing, it's our very presence that is most important. Like showing up is a big deal in Judaism, just being there. We'll probably talk about this more in the future, but you know, a lot of the rituals and prayers require a minion, a thing called a minion, which is 10 people present, 10 Jews, even if they're not participating in any special way, just being they just need to be there. And that says a lot about the focus on community and presence and literally just showing up. So that's that's really a part of this. Just being with the sick, being present, being attentive to their cues, letting them guide the experience. Yeah. That's what's important here.

SPEAKER_00 28:25

I've also never heard of a minion before.

SPEAKER_02 28:28

Oh, you haven't? Well, great. I'll have to make it the topic of a conversation in a future episode.

SPEAKER_00 28:33

I look forward to trying to detach it from those yellow tic-tac guys.

SPEAKER_02 28:40

Oh, I bet there's a good minion minion meme out there. And by good, I mean the kind of thing that like your weird aunt would post on Facebook, that kind of a minion meme. But that's good. That's good. Yeah, we'll divorce her from those guys. There's also one more word that I uh about this, something that I read that I also hadn't heard before. It turns out there's this nice idea in the Gemara that the Shekina, now do you remember the Shekinah that is the divine indwelling feminine presence of God on earth? That is the same thing that Leonard Nimoy talked about visiting during the uh priestly blessing ceremony.

SPEAKER_00 29:20

Yes, and you have to look away, clear, close your eyes so you're not blinded by the beauty. Okay, I remember the Shihina.

SPEAKER_02 29:26

That's right. So that thing, there's an idea that the Shekinah hovers over the head of someone's sickbed. So that the divine presence is present sort of protectively, and that when we visit the sick, we are entering into that sacred presence ourselves. Oh. So it's like a sacred act. You know, it's not just like a good thing to do because they're a person. It's like it's a sacred thing for everybody involved. So I thought that was kind of nice.

SPEAKER_00 29:54

Yeah, that's really nice. Except that means that the next rule of Bikur Choleem is to close your eyes and never look at the sick person.

SPEAKER_02 30:02

That's right. You gotta you're gonna go in with your prayer shawl over your face, and you're gonna bump into the IV stand.

SPEAKER_00 30:09

Spock hands out, just feeling the way feeling your way around the room.

SPEAKER_01 30:14

Feeling your way around with Spock hands.

SPEAKER_02 30:18

So I'm sure a lot of that sounds familiar or completely antithetical to what we see in the episode. You know, I see some of it and how they handle things, and then I see uh many other ways in which the gang is diverging from those Jewish traditions. So actually, do you want to call out any that you can think of? Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:35

That whole bar scene is antithetical to the rules of the Holim, right? Like they have sad faces on, they're bringing the mood down, you know what I mean? They just they keep staring at him when they should have their eyes closed. Being blinded by the divine presence over his head. But yeah, I mean they're they're really being Debbie Danners. He doesn't want their company at the bar for starters, right? So they're already intruding. Yeah, just like everything against those rules, sort of. They're they're not being helpful in that way.

SPEAKER_02 31:12

Definitely not uh taking his cues. Although they are valuing, you know, presents. They do just want to be there with their presence. But yes, as you say, completely not following his lead at all, breaking, breaking the big rules there. Even just dragging him to the doctor is pretty against his will. But to your earlier point about, you know, take away just his good friend, just his good friend, Judaism would also agree, even though she's not following his cues in this matter, there is this other mitzvah, this uh other important idea that overrides basically all other mitzvot, like every other rule we have, basically as Jews, you can throw any of them out the window pretty much in service of this one other one, this one other idea, which is kakwach nephesh. I'll put that in the chat for you.

SPEAKER_00 32:03

I've definitely heard this before, not by name, but the idea that like if your life were endangered and and the only thing you could do was to I don't know, like do work on Shabbat or something, right? Like press a button or whatever, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 32:22

That example, but eat some bacon, life-saving bacon, right, right.

SPEAKER_00 32:26

Exactly. That like you should do it.

SPEAKER_02 32:29

Exactly. It means saving a life. It overrides everything. So so I think it's fair to say that, you know, yes, Jess was insensitive to his desires or needs or whatever, but it's warranted because potentially she was saving his life.

SPEAKER_00 32:43

Yeah. You also could make an argument that she doesn't know if he's sick yet, right?

SPEAKER_02 32:48

Mm-hmm. Oh, yes, right, good point.

SPEAKER_00 32:50

He was injured with the back, and so I guess in that sense, she's going against his cues, right? When she forces him to go to Sadie. But beyond that, making him go back to get the ultrasound for the neck, it's like, is he sick? Is he not? Maybe it's just right. And so you could also play it that way, I guess. But I think it's still better to view it as like, yes, see he is sick and Pikua Nefish is maybe the reason to ignore his keys.

SPEAKER_02 33:19

No, but that's also a great point. He's not really one of the sick yet. Nobody's visiting him. Like, it's in the moment when the injury has happened, when the injury is happening, it's not, yeah, yeah, yeah. Rules don't apply yet. That's a good point. And oh man, the whole like, don't suggest the illness is dire. Uh, you know, wait till the third day. Meanwhile, they're just holding up a phone with skull and crossbones and a big red death on the screen or whatever it says.

SPEAKER_00 33:44

They may as well have just shown up to the bar all in black, and it probably would have like also communicated everything.

SPEAKER_01 33:51

Exactly. This singing a funeral dirge.

SPEAKER_02 33:55

But yes, but to their credit, they've done a lot wrong in terms of these rules, but they do the money thing right. Remember the guy who said show up with your body, with your soul, and with your money? Yeah. They do that. Good point. They split the cost so he doesn't have to.

SPEAKER_01 34:10

So yeah, that's Bikur Chalim. That's uh that's that's how the gang handled it and then did not handle it in accordance with Jewish tradition.

SPEAKER_02 34:20

Yeah, I don't know. What do we what do you like about both approaches? How do we feel about how they navigated it? I guess is the question.

SPEAKER_00 34:26

They definitely could have been more subtle, but that would have been less funny. So yay for yay for TV shows. Yay for comedy. But I really like this idea that the Talmud has sort of these, they're honestly just like, in a way, they're almost social skills. Yeah. Like they're they're more than just skills because they are sort of like mitzvah commandments in the sense that like it's calling you to do these things, right? Like giving you that sense of obligation. But the fact that it's also it really does just feel like, hey, these are like sensible and wise things to do and keep in mind for sick people, right? Like, don't be a burden, you know what I mean? Help out any way you can.

SPEAKER_02 35:09

Yeah. That's a great point. It's like uh inbuilt support for not being socially awkward.

SPEAKER_00 35:16

Right, right. You know, I often have felt like do you ever listen to Am I the Asshole, like Reddit stories or podcasts?

SPEAKER_02 35:24

Yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 35:25

I have often joked that Am I the Asshole podcasts and stories are like, especially from a young age, you should have a kid listen to them because you're getting so much feedback from so many people that it's almost group sourcing cultural wisdom and societal expectations, right? Like I feel like the the aggregate response of like either yes, you were a jerk for the story or no, you you are totally in the right for this, right? Is like it builds a good baseline for people to know what to expect in their culture, right? Like what's expected of them, what's expected of other people in terms of like holding each other accountable. I think Am I the Asshole is sort of like that. But if you could just have those those end goals written down as like a set of rules, you know what I mean? If you can just jump right to that, like that actually is, I guess, kind of helpful. And I guess that's why, you know, a lot of people find use in religion because they do just kind of cut to the chase in a lot of instances. They're like, here's the answer, you know, do this or don't do that, or remember to, you know, be X, Y, or Z. But I don't know. All that's sorry for that ramble. That's a little bit of a side tangent. But all that to say, I like that the Talmud has sort of those explicitly written out for someone reading it for the first time.

SPEAKER_02 36:41

Yeah, no, I actually love that. I love what you said because you're absolutely right. And yes, like we have these little bullet points from Jewish tradition, but also, I mean, we've got bullet points in our society too. Like it would be easy to say, like, oh, you know, be nice to your mother-in-law or something like that. But I feel like all the am I the asshole things are like, it's not always cut and dry, right? Sometimes they're like a gray area or like a weird dynamic where you're like, does this bullet point that we all know is the right thing to do? Does it actually apply here? Or was I right to like do it differently? And I also feel like that's very telmudic too, because like, yes, there are these bullet points, but they're probably, I don't know about in this case. Um, I'm not really well versed in the Talmud stuff about B. Quork Holim, but like in lots of other situations, it's like, okay, we've got this one rule here, but what if this edge case happens? Or like, okay, well, what if we're following this rule, but then this person does this? And so that comes into tension with this other bullet point rule that we've agreed to as a society. So, and that that kind of discussion, like really picking apart edge cases and seeing like how far does this extend? Like, if we say, you know, you have to give somebody a chicken, it's like, well, if there's no chickens, does a pigeon count? And like, how fat does the pigeon have to be to count as a chicken? You know what I mean? Like, sure.

SPEAKER_00 38:00

I mean, this is me making stuff up. The stories sort of are needed to supplement those bullet points, right? Exactly. To get into the minutiae of extenuating circumstances.

SPEAKER_02 38:10

Exactly right. Exactly right. So Am I the Asshole Subreddit is just a tumutic exercise in dissecting our societal rules. But I love that. That's a great point that like everybody should be listening to these. You really learn a lot about the society that you find yourself in and what people are expecting of you. That's really cool.

SPEAKER_00 38:29

Right. And maybe expanding upon what you sort of touched on, the am I the asshole stories usually, I mean, the ones that get upvoted a lot, I think usually have a lot of nuance to them, right? Yeah. Because maybe there's two sides in conflict. Maybe both sides are using those sort of shorthand bullet points to justify their view on it, right? And so then it is sort of getting into even more specific detail of like, well, why does this circumstance specifically favor one side or the other?

SPEAKER_02 38:58

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 38:59

That's okay.

SPEAKER_02 39:00

Yeah, so cool. So see, not such a bummer of an episode. I mean, we talked about death. Sure. We talked about the sick, but it wasn't too sad.

SPEAKER_00 39:11

High five.

unknown 39:12

Hi five!

SPEAKER_01 39:14

And high five to all of you out there who listened, stuck with us through the dead parent chat.

SPEAKER_02 39:23

If you want to get in touch with us for any reason, tell us about your dead parent. Write to us at JewGirl Podcast at gmail.com.

SPEAKER_00 39:32

Join us next time when we rearrange Yiddish words into anagrams like Pikua Nefish. It's gonna be Pikachu something.

SPEAKER_02 39:41

Pikachu! Tune in next week for when we look for that stamp that Nick lost. Just the whole episode. Just looking for a stamp. Sounds worse than it is.

SPEAKER_00 39:51

Join us next time when we high-five Winston for knowing the pain of losing a car.

SPEAKER_01 39:57

Oh yeah, dead car high-five.

SPEAKER_00 40:00

Tune in next time when we have a new art style called Yizcore. Is that funny enough to warrant my wheezing laughter, but Robin's incapacitated from that joke right now.

SPEAKER_01 40:13

Oh, that's good. Tune in next time. Oh, tune in next time when we'll say yizcore for the big dead cat. Human-sized.

SPEAKER_00 40:22

Awwww.

SPEAKER_02 40:23

Tune in next time when we will plunge into the freezing ocean to rescue that plastic baby that Jess took out of the uterus model in the OBGYN's office. We didn't discuss that at all, so this is kind of coming out of nowhere. But she does that, and that's why we are plunging.