Episode 7 — The Setup: How Romance Scammers Prepare the Financial Trap

In Episode 7 of The Anatomy of Modern Romance Scams, we explore the critical stage that happens just before money enters the conversation.

By this point in a romance scam or “pig butchering” operation, the scammer has already built emotional trust, established daily communication, and often created a romantic or intimate connection.

What many victims do not realize is that this phase is carefully engineered to prepare the ground for the financial trap that follows.

In this episode we discuss:

• How scammers quietly evaluate a victim’s financial situation early in the relationship
 • The psychological manipulation used to build trust and emotional dependence
 • The “hard luck” stories designed to trigger empathy
 • The sudden success narrative that builds credibility and curiosity
 • Why meeting in person never actually happens
 • The moment when victims ask the question scammers have been waiting for

Once that question is asked, the financial trap is ready.

This podcast series breaks down the real-world mechanics of modern romance scams so others can recognize the warning signs before it is too late.

If you find yourself in a relationship that resembles what is described in this episode, remember the simplest protection:

Delete. Block. Walk.

Your safety — and the safety of your family — may depend on it.

Topics covered:
Romance scams, pig butchering scams, online dating scams, cryptocurrency scams, financial fraud, scam prevention, emotional manipulation, online safety.

Transcript

Thank you for listening

Need to Talk and Speak Out - Educate

Widowers are Targeted Extensively

its a Full Blown Love Affair

I Want to Make Sure That YOU Are Financially Stable

Not a Relationship - it's ROI

The Hard Luck Story

The Rebound - hmmmmmm

Why Question Me - I Love You. Just Trying to Help You

The Ongoing No-Show. I am Sorry Baby

Please Delete, Block and Walk

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Good afternoon. This is episode seven in our series. Today's March 9th. My name is Michael B. and I'll be your host this afternoon as we continue to explore the anatomy of modern romance scams. As before, I want to express my appreciation to those of you who are joining and downloading these podcasts and listening to them. This is a situation that is epidemic globally. It's really not talked about because people feel secure in their knowledge of recognizing scams and especially romance scams, but they continue to flourish. And according to the FBI, uh they are currently epidemic and growing. And the losses are in the billions uh every year globally. So it's a it's a big deal, and people don't really talk about it again in the beginning, and they really don't want to talk about it after it's over because the money is so severe, and the losses and the damage to families and to business relationships is just so severe and embarrassing that people either result to self-harm or they just don't say anything. They just clam up and go on with their lives and and hope nobody finds out about it. So that's why uh the more we talk about this, the better off we'll be as a society in trying to rein these in. I also want to reiterate that, you know, as before, I you know, I want to clarify that my experience may not mirror your own, but enough of the puzzle pieces fit together. Also known as pig butchering. You'll learn to hate that expression, okay? Uh romance scams under the umbrella of romance scam. You have Sha Zupon, which um is is that that Chinese expression, and no offense to you know, our Chinese friends, but that is the uh expression known as pig butchering, and basically that's where um the pig is singled out, fattened up, and butchered. And it it is graphic, and um yeah, I do apologize for that. And that that can go that can go both ways, right? It's not just women to men, it can be men to women. In fact, when I talk to the FBI, and I have several friends in the FBI, and um when I talk to them, not only do they say, yeah, this is epidemic, but single women who have lost their spouses um are really one of the larger targets for uh this to happen because you know they've they've lost their husband, their their true confidant and their true companion, and usually you know they have some money behind them and they are lonesome and start these conversations with whoever and get themselves into trouble, and that happens to men as well. Uh I can attest to that on a firsthand basis. So, what the other thing that I would like to say is that these are not well understood, right? Not understood by yourself or uh your family and friends, because you will look at this once you're out of it, and your your family will look at it. Um, and the there's not an understanding of how this could happen to you, how this could happen to your family. I know in my with my own personal experience, I've been told by my family members, by business associates, and by those I'm very close to that, hey Michael, you were the last one that I thought this would happen to. And quite honestly, I thought that that I was as well. And it's not a smugness, it's a it's just uh, and it's not even self-assurance, right? It's just that you don't talk about it because you've deleted hundreds of messages like this. It's just this one gets through for some reason, it gets through your net, it gets through your defenses, and the next thing you know, you're you're months into it, and this conversation has gone places you don't want it to go. You never intended it to go there, and so uh that's that's the danger of these. Nobody wants to talk about it because it's it's kind of like life insurance. And again, no uh, you know, no offense to anybody who's selling insurance out there, but you really it's insurance is something maybe you don't feel like you need until you do need it, and then you need it pretty badly, and this is kind of the same situation. So anyway, I want to uh keep going down through this, and and now our exploration has taken us into episode seven, and there'll be there'll be others as we continue to dissect this, okay? Um, but you you will start to notice something important, and it's really that we haven't talked about money yet, and there's a reason for that, and that's why there's six preview podcasts about this situation and how it's being set up, okay. Um, there may have been some mention of money along the way, but nothing really directly, and that's purposeful, okay. By this stage, the person is now firmly entrenched in your life. Uh, this is not accidental. You you you may not have been looking for anything. This relationship feels very real, very strong, and it's something that I refer to as the cuckoo syndrome. And you're gonna go, what's that? Um, it's really like the cuckoo bird comes in, lays its egg in another bird's nest, and uh and this person slowly inserts themselves into your life, and before you realize it, they push your spouse, your friends, and sometimes even your trusted business associates out of the nest, and now they're squawking for food, and they're looking for you to be that soul provider. Okay, and that's really what they're doing. They come in, they ingratiate themselves into the fabric of your life, and they push everybody out, and you you you do not chances are you that's not where you wanted this to go at all. Okay, but this is what happens, and it's important, and it's important that they build that because at some point in time they will talk about your finances, and and again, not directly, not aggressively, and it usually comes up casually at a moment where it just feels natural in a conversation. They may ask you about your work, your business, whether you own your own home, if you invest, and they'll frame it in a way that sounds harmless, right? And if you question it, if it's early on enough and you question it, um you know they'll they'll come back with at you with, oh, you know what? I just want to make sure that you're financially stable because I don't want someone asking me for money, and see that they'll turn that around, they'll make it sound reasonable, but it's psychological manipulation, it's a lie. Okay, they're really trying to find out what do you have, and do I and since these relationships take a long time to develop, they are they are really asking, do I want to spend the the first three or four months with you if you don't have something that I want? And basically what they want is they want your investments, they want your nest egg, they want everything. If you if you have a nickel, they'll vacuum that out of your pocket. Okay, so that is what they're that's what they're after. They're after everything. So if it's in as innocuous as that first message of hi, I'm just looking for some new friends, this is gonna be more like, oh, you have your own house. Oh, that's great. Oh, is it paid off? Yeah, mine mine's paid off. I actually live in New York, and and you know, I live in a pretty nice complex. And all of a sudden they'll go into um, you know, oh, well, I've got to go my driver's outside, or I'm going to my mother's, and uh, you know, we're having a real nice uh gala on somebody's yacht that we know. Um, and we're gonna have this this charity dinner. It's got see, they're gonna lay it out like they've got money, and they're gonna worm their way into figuring out if you have money. Okay. Is your house paid for? Oh, that's great. Oh, you don't you know, well, you know, you must have invested pretty wisely. See, it's gonna be those open-ended questions, and they are going to ask about money, but in a roundabout way, all right? Okay, this is because to them, they're they're evaluating you. Okay, this is not a relationship. Uh, this is about return on investment, and that's all it is. Are they gonna spend the time with you to develop that relationship to become your online lover from a business associate and deepen that until money becomes kind of a joint affair, right? Hey, we want to start this charity. Well, if I do it myself, it's gonna take four years. If we go in together, it'll take two, and plus the fact it'll be easier to have a platform and to afford that and to take care of these children that we want, right? You see how that, you see how that is, how that's taking shape. Well, if I do it on my own, it might take five years, or I really wanted to retire in two years, but this thing is just gonna be so expensive, the property, the land, the the buildings that we're gonna have to put up, all of the dream building that you're that you're talking about for this charity. That you know, forget the forget the Lamborghini and the you know the yacht that that you may have talked about a little bit in some dream building. Like, well, what would you do if you had all the money that you needed, and and money was no longer an object? You're gonna get into those conversations, right? Well, yeah, if I if I had the money, I'd probably get you know a McLaren. You'd throw that out there. Oh, yeah. Well, what color would it be? Well, maybe white. Why wouldn't you get a red one? Look at this, and there'd be a picture of a red McLaren that shows up on your phone, and then you start talking about things like that. Well, you know, because we could have enough money to where we could have all this, have the charity, support the charity, build homes for everybody that we love and care about. See how the dream, the dream is coming coming around? And you told me that you know that this was something that you wanted to do later on in life. You just didn't have you just didn't have the resources, right? But but there's gonna come a time where the conversations are gonna turn to money and investing, and and you know, I I can I might be able to show you a way to uh make money faster than what than what you're used to. Okay, and because you have this relationship, this relationship is almost like you and your spouse talking, right? So it's gonna be, well, could you show me how to do that? Of course I can because I love you, because you're a good man, because you're a good person, because I I want to help you. Okay. Two years ago, I didn't have anything or anybody. My my child was being taken from me. I was so depressed, I could not get out of bed. I didn't have anything, and my mother stepped in to help me. Oh, well, you know, what's your mom do? Well, she has a consortium of investors, and and I didn't want to ask her, but she but I was I hit rock bottom, and so uh I reached out to her and she helped me, and she's showing me how to do that. And guess what? I can I can show you because I love you and I care for you, and it we can we can build this so much faster together, right? And so you can see how you can see how they just worm their and I such a good expression, really a good word for this uh situation that you're finding yourself in because they're gonna worm their way into your life. They're gonna be that cuckoo bird. They come in and and they're gonna lay that that egg and they're gonna hatch and they're gonna push everybody out, and you are gonna be so busy feeding this relationship, so busy feeding this person that that you're not really going to realize it until after you're out of it, just how psychologically devastating this was and how psychologically manipulating it was. But they're they're they're gonna have a hard luck story, okay? And they're gonna be uh, you know, it's gonna be a divorce, a lost child, uh severe depression, thousands of dollars in debt. They have nothing, you know. In my particular instance, yet my my ex-husband left me out in the rain without a coat. And I said, Well, I I would never do that to you. I know that you wouldn't do that to me because I know you and love you, and you wouldn't do that. You you see what you see what I'm saying? How deep that relationship has gone, and how they they they pull at that at those empathetic threads and wind their way into that, right? And you're gonna say no one should take your child away from you, okay, and this is all gonna be met with that affirmation, right? I wouldn't do that, you know why? Because you're a good person, you're a good husband, you're a good wife, you're a good father, you're a good mother. They reinforce your identity as someone who helps people, okay? And of course, they've got a rescue story. Uh again, a wealthy mother. In two years, I've been able to rebound. Uh, you know, my butcher, uh yeah, my butcher uh had a personal advisor, a driver, a chef, a financial advisor, and millions of dollars in the bank in two years. Okay, they don't font that. All they do is throw that out. Oh, my driver's here to pick me up. Oh, uh yeah, look what my chef made me for dinner, and you because you associate those kinds of things with money. Oh, yeah, you know, I my apartment's getting, you know, repainted, and you know, I live in New York, which is you know expensive, and so all the trappings, right? And yeah, I've started a company and and it's overseas, and you you might look it up, and sure enough, it's legitimate. Okay. Um, they may not be on the board of directors, and so you might ask, well, then it becomes why why would you why would you question me on that? You know, I'm I'm not on the I'm on the board, but you know, I'm a silent partner on that. There's always there's always an explanation, okay? And they always put it back on you. And it's gonna sound seriously like your significant other. Why are you questioning me? I all I'm doing is trying to help you because you are who you are, and I respect you, and I feel lucky to have met you. And you know, again, the love the love button gets pressed hard. Okay, but at this time it it really everything appears pr real. All right, and then it's all it's just and and with the money thing, it's just like everything else. There's just one more step that would make everything perfect, right? Just two more years, and we can put this together. Now, if I do it myself, it'll take five. But if we do it together, there's gonna be we can do this together in two years, and I'm showing you how to do that because I care about you, okay? So this business relationship is gonna become something far more intimate, it already has, all right, and there's gonna be shared virtual intimacy now with investing and money uh being laid on the table, and it's and it's not gonna be all at once, right? It's just not gonna be boom, but it's gonna come in in various ways, but money, investing, uh, the dream building, it's it's gonna happen every night from almost from from then on, okay. And that is uh another red flag, the intimacy, the money piece of it. The I'm just trying to help you, okay. Red flag after red flag. Mom, who's very successful, but you can't find her on the internet, and she's very quiet because she's uh way up in in Wall Street. And if she was on the internet, everybody would would know who she was, and you know, there would be all kinds of all kinds of issues, you know, kidnappings and all that. And you know what? You just believe it. You believe it because there is a trust level that is with this person that is the same kind of trust that you have with your significant other, with your family members, with your business associates. It is that deep, okay? But There's one other red flag that I want to point out. As this relationship deepens, and you talk about finances and you talk about dreams and you talk about getting together, right? Well, why don't we meet? Why don't we just, you know, we've gone on with for several months. I've never, I've never even hugged you, never kissed you, never, you know, never really. Why don't we talk about these plans in depth in person? I would love to do that, Michael. Why don't we do that? Um, could you meet me in Denver? Well, yeah, you know, I probably could. But here's a huge red flag for you, okay? There's always gonna be a reason why they can't, and I don't care if it's right up to the second I miss my flight, or you know, I got sick and I couldn't do it. There is gonna be a reason why they can't, all right? You'll plan, plan, plan, and they'll plan, plan, plan, and they'll have tickets and gate numbers and flight numbers and dates, and all of a sudden, guess what? I I couldn't make it, I was sick. There will be a reason because they're not real, and the and chances are they're halfway around the world, they're not in New York, they're not even in Denver. They're they're believe me, they are probably um halfway around the world in a in a completely separate uh country. Some of these people are uh victims of human trafficking and being made to do this against their will. That that's not for me. You know, this is from uh talking with the FBI. I you just can't believe what is behind these syndicates and these situations that are just sucking people in globally. All right. It's just if you read the forward in my book, um, you know, Jason, retired FBI, uh worked on worked on one that was, I think it was like 700 and 700 million globally of people who are being victimized. And that was just one instance. That was the biggest one that he worked on. The losses are in the billions every year. That's more than me, that's more than maybe some of your relatives. That is a lot of people, and it's getting worse. So, you know what? That's why we're talking about it. That's why we must talk about it. All right, it's it's it's that important, it's that epidemic, and it's that important to talk about so that you so that the victims become less and less. I'm telling you right now that if you get caught in one of these and this runs to to this runs to the end of its course, it is heartache and it is embarrassment, and it is almost the worst thing that you can imagine. In fact, it is the worst thing that I've ever been through, and it is the worst thing that I can imagine. It's why I'm spending this time uh with you, and I'm hoping I'm hoping that it's why you're spending this time with me. Please delete, block, and walk away. The solution is so, so simple. And if you and if you do that, you'll save yourself years of heartache and regret. I can attest to that personally, unfortunately. Please do that for your own safety, and please do that for the people you love who get deeper into the money because there's uh there's a lot more to it. But I wanted to run these red flags out there by you. And again, it may not be uh exactly identical for you, but this is how this is how it rolls. So I'm hoping that you'll pay attention. And again, if you're involved in one of these, please get out. Get out now for your own safety and for your own peace. Because you know what? Um, when you lose your personal sense of peace, I can't tell you how devastating that is. Peace is very expensive, and when you lose it and you can't find it, it's extremely, extremely debilitating. Look, thank you for spending the time. I know uh time is precious. There's so many ways that we can spend it these days. Thank you for spending the time with me, and have a good day, and I'll catch you on the next podcast. It will be number eight, and we'll explore more about uh the money part of a romance scam. Thank you for listening.