Episode 20 - The Anatomy of Modern Romance Scams | When Intimacy Becomes Dependency

In this episode, we move past the first “I love you” and into the phase where emotional connection turns into dependency. Accounts are set up. Transactions are successful. Trust is established. And everything appears legitimate.

But this is where the structure behind the scam begins to reveal itself.

Often referred to as Sha Zhu Pan, this process is not random. It is deliberate, repeatable, and designed to build emotional attachment before increasing financial stakes.

Because once dependency is created, walking away no longer feels like an option.

This is where emotion overrides logic.

And this is where the trap tightens.

How it all starts:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9d5kDcchOTw

Read about it here:

https://a.co/d/09aoiAPA

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:02

Hey, good afternoon. Today is the 27th of April. I'm Michael B. and once again I'll be your host on the Anatomy of Modern Romance Scams. If you're following along, and I thank you if you are, this is an ongoing podcast series where we're breaking down how these scams really work, how trust gets built over time, and how severe manipulation happens. We're talking about how people are pulled into financial traps and obligations most times before they even realize it. And I know this, unfortunately, because it happened to me. My goal is simple. That if you're involved in one of these, that if you're listening to my words and they resonate with you, that you'll go, Michael, that makes sense. I'm out, and that you'll pull out and just delete, block, and walk. All right. And if you haven't, and I know you've probably got those messages, but if you haven't responded, please do not. When I say that the aftermath is brutal, I'm being as honest as I possibly can. And even some of the things that you thought might happen, you haven't even touched it because other things are gonna, other things are gonna come in. You go, geez, I didn't even think about that. Oh my goodness, I didn't even think about that. The repercussions just are like a ripple in a in a pond that you

Repurcussions

SPEAKER_01 1:39

throw a rock into the middle of, they just keep rippling out, and you just you don't see them all, but believe me, they hit. Today we're gonna go a little bit deeper. Okay, we've already talked about the connection and the trust that's built, the first I love you, and the I love you too that got responded back. Again, I I'm a hundred percent guilty of everything that I'm gonna share with you. So I hope that you don't think, well, you hypocritical son of a gun, but that you will go, okay, I understand, and I'm not going to follow suit because that's really what this is all about. Everything that I have to say in this discussion is to keep you safe, keep you out of trouble. Okay, but this is another pivot point. The first pivot point was I love you. That was the trapdoor. Now things are gonna really start closing around you. Okay, this is where the relationship stops feeling like something that you're in and starts becoming something that you're caught in. So stay with me. Everything still looks legitimate. I want to be clear about that. There's accounts set up on real crypto exchanges, everything is in your name, my name, passwords, biometrics, all of it. And you know why? Because, quote unquote, she trusts me. She knows me. It's been months. Okay. And the first transactions, transactions now plural, are done. They went as smooth as glass. That trust is developing. But there's something else. There's another wallet, a personal wallet, a private wallet on a platform that's private, that really does not exist. And when you go, well,

The Fake Platform Trick

SPEAKER_01 4:06

you know, I've done some homework on this cat, and the traffic is just doesn't seem like it's all that great to this. Well, Michael, it's not. Because guess what? This is a private platform that not many people know about. I invited you to invest with us here. This is something that we built, the consortium, my mother's team, the in the investors that we share this with. It's by invitation only. Now, do you see something that's happening? The questions come with the absolute immediate reassurances. Trust. Gosh, that word trust is just it, they build on that. Okay. And and there may not be any reason to doubt it. Okay, on the fake platform, I had my own wallet, and all of a sudden I said, hey, why don't we share this? Because this is where you're investing, I'm investing. There's nothing that what's going to stop me, Kat, from taking your money, my money, and disappearing with my family. You know what the response was? Because I trust you. Because I I know you, because I know the man that you are, and you would not do that. Okay? Trust. And guess what else was shared? And I know that you won't do that because I know that you love me, you told me. And I love you. Okay? And I told you, Michael, that I would never tell you that I love you unless I meant it. You see how that sets the stage for everything? And she made something else very clear. If I ever ask you for money, Michael, or for your login, your 12 words, your 12 life words, you'll know that you're being scammed. So think about that. It sounds like protection, but it's not. It was 100% positioning. Okay.

Positioning Not Protection

SPEAKER_01 6:28

Obviously, she could make that claim because the money that she was investing right beside me that was making our combined wallet increase is all fake. My money was real. It's going from a regular crypto platform into this fake platform into a fake wallet that looked like it was growing. Okay. Upload my voucher, Michael, and I'd upload it, and our combined resources would increase. Again, my money was real. Her money wasn't positioning. But we weren't just talking anymore. We became full-blown partners. And we already crossed into the I love you. Okay? And I said, wait a minute. We talked more about that after that happened. And she goes, again, the assurances. And the immediate response, Michael, I didn't mean for that to happen either. But just after talking with you over these months, I couldn't help myself. See that positioning? The hook. Boom. But this again is another pivot, like I said, and this is where it starts to tighten. So we went from strangers to friends to good friends.

Relationship Develops

SPEAKER_01 7:56

And now we're teacher and student. And then if you want to call I love you lovers to lovers. And then something else happened. Okay? That was never supposed to happen. Especially if you're married, especially if you have a family. That wasn't part of the plan. At least it wasn't part of my plan. But it goes further. It's not physical, not real in that sense, but intimate in a way that feels real, personal, and private. And this is kind of where it becomes a bit confusing. Because there is no physical relationship, no touch, no presence, and yet the emotional and psychological connection feels deeper than it really should. And it's not by accident, it's by design. Everything that goes on within this relationship, all the transactions, all the back and forth, all the planning, all of the dream building, it's by design. Okay? There's really nothing spontaneous about this from the other end. You may have spontaneity all over the place, but it's look, this isn't emotional chaos. This is structured. It's a system. It's been executed over and over again. And guess what? It works. Americans alone lost over 21 billion in 2025 through these kinds of scams. Credit card, not credit card, but gifts gift card scams. And just send me money scams. The IC3, 1.2 million million calls in 2025. Both are substantial increases over 2024. That's why this is often called pig

Pig Butchering

SPEAKER_01 10:14

butchering. Shawzi Pan. Okay, when I called a report what happened to me, the woman who answered the agent on the other end, oh, you've been pig butchered, Mike. What does that mean? It just it was a slap across the face. But that's what it's called. And it's like I said, it's brutal. And I have to wear that shirt, and it's embarrassing. But remember, this is a process, right? It's a process process where trust is built, where the emotional ties are developed and the connection is deepened with each conversation. It doesn't seem like it, but they don't forget anything. Nothing. If there's something that you feel like you want or you say that's important to you, they will not let go of that. Okay, and they build on that. Because that builds what? Intimacy. And intimacy builds trust. Okay? And the intimacy, the intimacy has to deepen. And think about that for just a minute. Why would that have to happen? It's not subtle. You know, it's it's noticeable. But in it intimacy has to deepen because the money amounts start to increase. The trust gets deeper. And your partner is right there with you. Investing, sometimes even more, reinforcing everything. There's a hook. I love you. Hook. Michael, I know you're married, but would you put your hands on me? Hook. You're not the kind of man that would walk off and leave me without a coat in the rain like my ex-husband did. Hook. I trust you. Hook. You see what I'm saying? It's not just one. It's more than one. And it's time and time and time again. In the back of your mind, you start to realize something. You know what? I'm I'm pretty deep into this. And I really don't know how to do this without this person. It's not a thought that just comes up once. It it kind of develops as the money increases.

Getting Close to the Point of no Return

SPEAKER_01 13:07

Okay? But remember, that's something that was built, that is so intentional. It goes even further, it becomes more personal, more invasive, more emotionally binding. And at that point, this isn't just a relationship. Guess what? It's about dependency. You are dependent upon this person. Okay? In real relationships, that level of intimacy deepens the connection. Then you add manipulation to it. And guess what? Emotion doesn't just compete with logic, it just eradicates it completely. And here's the part that matters. At this point, and it was like that for me, walking away just doesn't feel like an option. Because if I did, I wouldn't just lose money. I'd lose a relationship that right now nothing looked wrong. Everything was going wonderfully. Okay, I'd lose the connection, but the most important thing for me, and I thought for this person, was the future that we were building. And that came out in almost every conversation. Hey, you know what? We're building something for your family, for my family, for all the people that we love and care about. We're gonna have a space where we can where we can grow together and be together, and that when you die or I die, it doesn't get sold. Our kids can, you know, take it and it will go on in perpetuity. That was what was important to me. That's what I thought was important to her. It came across several times. I live in New York. I just I just want a farm. I want a place for my mom and me. I want a place for our friends to come and stay. Okay, and I'm thinking, well, why not? Why can't we do that? What about the charity? What about these kids? What about these kids who have never known a family? Why don't we show them what's possible? Okay. So you don't pull back. You want to. But there comes a point in time where you almost have to go all the way to the end. So you go deeper.

Going Deeper Seems Like the Only Option

SPEAKER_01 16:12

And again, it's not because you want to, it's because you feel like you have to. Not only for yourself, not only for this person, but for everyone around you. Past, present, present, and future. So you may have spent your whole life. That's what that's what I've done, decision maker, planner. And I kept looking for solutions, trying to make sense of everything, trying to fix it if things went sideways. But they already they already know that. They've seen this pattern again and again, and a lot of it is orchestrated against you, against the two of you. And we'll get more and more into that in future discussions. But they have they've played this out so many times with people just like me, people possibly just like you. The objective is simple. Take as much as possible and then move on. You know how many times Kat told me that she loved me and that everything that we were doing was so important to her? You know how many times I've gotten a response back since I've been ghosted almost a year now? You're right. Nothing. Nothing. When you get ghosted, it's final, it's absolute. There was nothing there to begin with. Take as much as possible, move on. Every step of this process is

All by Design

SPEAKER_01 18:09

designed.

SPEAKER_00 18:12

Almost every word, almost every moment, definitely every emotion.

SPEAKER_01 18:22

The problem is isn't just that you just that you didn't see it. The problem is you were never supposed to. Okay? Because by the time you recognize what's happening, you're already in it, you're already committed, there's almost no way out of it other than just get out and take your losses. You're never in control of the situation, especially when you're inside of it. And from there, because of the money, because of everything that's going on, there's pressure. And pressure leads to decisions that you might not normally make, or you might not normally make as well. But again, it's everything's structured, it's predictable from their side. Played that chess game a hundred times, and the pressure is just freaking relentless, and it's gonna build and build from there. Because right now, the pressure's kind of self-imposed because there hasn't really been anything that came out on the table that went, oh my gosh, there's a problem. But stand by because it's coming. Look, I want to thank you for listening, spending a few minutes with me today. We're

Look for Patterns

SPEAKER_01 20:06

already on episode 20. I can't believe that there's been that many. I know that there's been a a bit of repetition, and I apologize for that. But again, please look for the patterns, look for the things that fit, look for the things that I might talk about, and I do switch from first person to third person, and I hope that you'll forgive me for making that switch. But I can walk down through this and just say, hey, I'm guilty of this, I'm guilty of that, so I can I can do this all in the first person without a problem. But when I throw that out there and I say, you or us, that's because it can happen to anyone. And that's why it does happen to people because I've been trained to avoid this, to spot it, and yet I still was victimized by it. I still allowed myself to become a victim of this situation. And it was so simple to avoid delete block and walk. Okay, it was so simple not to respond back to oh, you're looking for some friends?

SPEAKER_00 21:30

There's nothing wrong with that, of course. And away it went. Away it went. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 21:47

Please share it with someone that you care about. Share it with people that you love with your business associates. I can almost guarantee you that somebody that That you know knows someone who's been scammed. It may not be to this degree, this magnitude, it may not even be a romance scam. It might be a gift card scam or some other even as simple as a traffic ticket scam. Don't don't get scammed at all. Okay. Money over the internet, the red flag should be flying. Yeah, I can teach you how to invest over the internet. The red flag should certainly be flying. Nobody can do that. Awareness is one of the most powerful tools that we have. Let's keep talking about this. Alright? And I I really appreciate you staying

Why we Need to Talk About This

SPEAKER_01 22:51

with me and getting involved in this because, quite honestly, before this happened to me, I don't think that I would have. Because I was so secure in the knowledge I thought that I had that, that'll never happen to me. I'm too smart. I'm too cautious. I'm too this, I'm too that, and look what happened. So they're very creative, they're very good. Join me next time, and we'll continue to break down how these scams unfold. There's still a lot to talk about. Until then, protect what you have. Protect your peace of mind, protect your family, protect your finances. Stay aware and always, always stay safe. I'm Michael B. Thank you for being with me today.