Episode 22 – The Anatomy of Modern Romance Scams | It Starts With a Single Response | Romance Scam Red Flags Explained

In this episode, I revisit one of the most important questions people ask:

How does a romance scam actually begin?

It doesn’t start with money.
 It doesn’t start with a crisis.

It starts with a single message.

This episode is a clear, structured breakdown of the early warning signs — from the first unsolicited contact… to the moment the relationship begins to take hold.

I walk through:

•  Why these messages are designed to get a response 
•  How trust is built intentionally over time 
•  The early red flags most people miss 
•  Why “something feels off” is a signal you should never ignore 
•  And what you need to do before it escalates 

If you or someone you know is in a situation that doesn’t quite feel right, this episode will help you recognize the pattern early — before emotional and financial damage is done.

Delete. Block. Walk.

The AOM Framework

• The Scammer's Playbook — Learn how modern romance scammers build trust, create dependency, and manipulate victims over time.
• The Four S's — Understand the role of Secrecy, Silence, Shame, and Seduction in keeping victims trapped inside the scam.
• The 15/30 Rule — A practical method for stepping back, evaluating the situation, and interrupting the scam before it progresses.
• Pattern Recognition — You do not need to see the entire scam to recognize what it is becoming.
• DBW: Delete. Block. Walk. — When the pattern becomes clear, protect yourself and walk away.
• Now, we introduce the Rulebook

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Hey good afternoon. This is the continuing ongoing podcast of the Anatomy of Modern Romance Scams. This is episode 22 already. And as you know, this is where we're continuing to break down how these scams really work. How trust gets built over time, how severe manipulation happens, and how people are pulled into financial and emotional traps before they even realize it. I know this because it happened to me. My goal is simple to pull back the curtain so you can recognize these scams and these scammers before they recognize you. Now in one of my last podcasts, I talked about mechanics, okay, and we've been topic talking about mechanics from the very beginning. But mechanics to me start from the very get-go. They start at point A and they end where you get ghosted. Alright. Now there's a bunch of mechanics after that, but we're talking about just these scams specifically. Okay. And I wanted to really record this one specifically because I've been talking to a lot of people. Okay. Law enforcement, friends, people I'm just running into now that I find a little bit of a break and I can insert my story because I have decided to start talking about it. I have I have decided not to remain quiet. I've decided not to destroy myself, which was a for two months that was that was where my head was at. Get help from whatever source makes you feel better. Okay, because this is

Hard to Navigate Solo

SPEAKER_00 2:10

hard to navigate by yourself. If I was by myself, I don't know if I would really know how to navigate out of this. Okay, I have a very supportive family, very supportive church, and even then with those resources, it's extremely difficult. Now I want to be very honest with you. Okay, if this had not happened to me, would I be as interested or engaged in it as I am now? I have to say truthfully, I would not. And the reason is because I thought that I was so educated and so informed that there's no way this could happen to me. Okay? So I insulated myself from the truth of the situation, and that was that I wasn't. And that's a lot of where I think a lot of people fall into this trap. We think we are, but we're just not. Now I had a lunch with a really good friend of mine, which is generating this podcast as a response from the lunch meeting we had. He just kept saying, Mike, he goes, I just can't believe that you got pulled into this. He goes, of all the people, all the people I know, he goes, You're the last person. You're always so conscientious and so caring and so careful about everything we did, even when I was working with you. He goes, You were the most cautious person. And so he just kept asking me, How did this even start? And I so I gave him my book and I go read that and and then ask me the question. And so he did. He got back to me. He goes, Hey, I read your book. He goes, I'm but I'm still questioning Mike. He goes, How did this start? Okay, so and and that's again, that's why I want to record this. Because when I talk to people about this and I ask them, hey, what how do you think a romance scam actually gets started? You cannot believe the answers. Okay, well, what makes you think why do you think they flourish? Again, every person's answer is almost unique. So, but if you really look at these, mine my ex my example, my situation was almost right out of a textbook. There's no textbook on it, but I mean it was if you really look at what Shah Pan or pig butchering, if you want to call it that, is all about, man, it you just walk right down through it and I went, man, I did that, I did that, they did that, I did that. And it was just like to the letter. I wish, I wish somebody had talked to me like I'm talking

Wish I had Talked to Someone About This

SPEAKER_00 5:14

to you about this whole scenario. Because I think I would have been a lot more cognizant and been able to pull out of this before the financial damages and the relationship damages from my family was done. Okay, but let's let's dive into it and I'll try not to get down any rabbit holes. But stay with me and I appreciate your time. And as always, I'll I'm gonna try and share as much information as I can in a short window so that it's value added because I know you have other things that you need to do today. So again, it starts with a single innocuous message. For me, I was just on Twitter, I saw a message came through that said, Wow, your post was really eloquent. I would love to talk to you more about that. And I said, Well, yeah, sure. And they go, Yeah, just and the second one was, yeah, I'm just looking for some new friends. Are you open to that? And I said, Yeah, nothing wrong with that. Sure. Let's start talking. Okay, so notice a couple things. All right, it didn't start with money. There was no big crisis, no emotional moment, just a message. Okay, and it's usually something very simple like that. Something open-ended. Now that's that's a red flag, and that's critical. Okay. It's it's like, hi, hello dear, how are you? Are you doing okay today? I'm looking for new friends, something like that. It doesn't demand anything, but it does require something very specific. It requires a response from you. And the moment you respond, the door opens. Now, a lot of people don't seem to understand that and will kind of argue the point. Well, it's a romance scam, so and they take you a while to develop, doesn't that take a while for it to become a romance scam? No, it doesn't. It's really as soon as that door opens and you begin that communication, you're in it. Okay, so that's one red flag. They don't break in, they wait for you to open the door. Okay? And I did. I did totally guilty of it. Oh, you're looking for new friends? Sure, let's talk. I opened that door. So here's another red flag. I didn't go looking for them, they found me. They made that first overture, they made the connection, but again, I'm I was in it then. Okay? Until one of two things happened. You stop it or they disappear, they ghost you. But from here, it really seems very natural, very normal. And that's the other part that's hard to explain to people who are outside of it, people who are not emotionally inside of this relationship. Okay, because nothing feels extreme, it doesn't feel dangerous, it just feels like hey, a conversation. Somebody showed some interest in you, you're programmed, you are conditioned, if you will, to respond positively to people who show an interest

Its Conditioning to not be Rude

SPEAKER_00 8:56

in you, to not be rude. That's another red flag. Okay. They ask you about your day, your life, your health. They could give a damn. Alright? They could care less. Okay. Another pattern, another pattern fit. There's often a story. Something in their past, something that was difficult, something that pulls for your sympathy and your empathy. And the more they get to know you, the more they'll use the things that they learn about you against you. If they know that you're sympathetic, that you're empathetic, man, they'll play into that like you can't believe. Okay. So another red flag that you need to look at. Very early on, there's something else that shows up, and you can test this person. They can't meet. There's always a reason. Okay. Work, distance, travel, the military, there's business obligations. Whatever the reason is, it always makes sense in the moment, but it never changes. Okay. You can you can set something up. I it might even get to the point where, oh, I'm in the airport waiting for you, but I couldn't find you, so I I left. I thought you ghosted me. Or, you know, I was in the airport and somebody in my family got sick and I had to leave. I'm so sorry. We'll have to do it again. They you know why they won't meet you? Because you're they're not who you're talking to. Okay? They are just typically not who you're talking to. But at the same time, they're always there. Very consistent, very present, very engaged. Okay, it starts to feel like no matter what it is that comes down the pipe, they're going through it with you. And and the longer you're in it, you're gonna see things start to change. You're gonna see things happen. Oh, yeah, that's a deposit that we need to put down, or the blockchain got corrupted, or you name it, there's inconsistencies, okay, that happen. And they'll third party that they might, okay? That it that message might come from quote unquote the support group or the investment consortium or whatever, and they'll and with AI they can make it look like it came from Santa Claus. I mean, they really can. You know, this hey, is it what do you what are you talking about? It's handwritten from Santa, and here's his picture. Jeez, please don't fall for that. Okay, the other thing that you might want to watch for is speech patterns that don't quite match where they say they were from. My person said, Yeah, I'm I'm in New York. You know, I was actually I've been here for a number of years, but they couldn't really describe everything that I was asking about New York, okay? And their speech pattern, if you will, didn't match in New Yorker. My mother's born in New York, lived there most of her life, and and yeah, it definitely wasn't a Long Island accent or dialect, okay. I'm not saying everybody who has an accent is a scammer, but if you talk to the FBI, and believe me, I've talked I've talked to more of those people than I care to have done in a lifetime. But that's one another one of the main red flags to watch out for. And and I want to be careful how I say it because not everybody who talks with an accent is a scammer. But just watch for speech patterns that don't match where they say they're from, where they were born, or where they spent their life. Okay, that's another big red flag. Okay, there's details that shift, timelines that don't line up. And somewhere in the back of your mind, you're gonna hear it. Alright. You're gonna hear it more than once. Slow this down. Something is not right.

You will say Something is not Right - Listen to That Voice in Your Head

SPEAKER_00 13:52

But nothing's wrong enough to stop, and they may even, if you call them out on it, they'll call you out on it. So the conversation will continue and you feel like the bad guy. Hey, I you know, I don't I don't know why I'm questioning this because no, you haven't given me anything to not trust you about, and so the conversation goes on. Okay, and this is where the sh another shift happens. Again, not at once, but slowly and subtly. It becomes more private. Here's another red flag. Let's just keep this between us because people won't understand. Let's protect what we have. You know why they don't want you to share that? Because your family can do a reverse lookup or you can do a reverse lookup in on pictures that they send and figure out that, oh, guess what? Yeah, that wasn't you. That was some person who passed away in the Soviet Union or whatever in 2015. So that wasn't the friend that you just went and visited. Okay, so they're gonna build that trust and they're gonna hang their hat on it. Okay? Let's protect what we have, and people won't understand. So red flag, secrecy enters, and outside voices are no longer allowed to compete. Or at least that is the goal that they'll set. Then comes the pressure. Something soft, something direct, there's urgency. There's a problem. There's always something happening, and it never quite resolves. Oh, we'll get past this, we'll be free and clear. Oh, we'll get past this, we'll be free and clear. Oh, we'll get past that, we'll be free and clear. And guess what? The problems get more and more advanced in magnitude, and they'll third party it. They they hey, this didn't happen for me. You know, the deposit requirements are coming from the support group, it's government sanctioned, and guess what? You go, hmm, okay, son of a gun. And but they'll go, oh, I'm right here with you. This happened, I know what they're talking about, absolutely. And because you trust them, you don't question. You just okay, okay, how do we how do we, you know, get past this? And they'll do that. Hey, I'm in this with you, you know, we we can rant and rave, but let's problem solve together. But uh there's always gonna be something, and as the money starts to flow, that something is not gonna change. It's gonna require more money to get you out of situation A. And oh, by the way, we just ran into situation B, which requires more money to recover what we lost in situation A. You see how it unfolds, and it never quite resolves itself. It's always something, and you're always almost through it. Okay, you may even hear from them oh, a friend of mine is in the same situation, a colleague, getting the third party the stars out of this thing, reinforce the story, adds credibility. Okay, the relationship becomes even more intense. You see where you're starting to get dependent upon this person,

Third Party the Issues

SPEAKER_00 17:43

red flag. It's becoming more emotional, more personal, because it has to, because there's gonna be more problems and there's gonna be more money. Okay, that's why this relationship has to be strong, okay? Because before they ask you for your money, this relationship has to be built, it has to be strong. That say that that saying no becomes difficult, and then one day it shifts again. Hey, you know what? You're the only one I can trust, you're the only one who can help me. And now it's not relationship, it's responsibility. Now mine never went to quite to that degree. It was more let me help you, Michael. Okay, I feel responsible for helping you. I know these things, you don't know these things, but I can teach you if you'll let me. What a mistake. What a mistake. Okay, if I just step back, looked at this more clearly, the pattern is always there. Here's what some of the things to watch out for. You didn't go looking for them, they found you. The conversation starts fast and feels very easy. They build an emotional connection with you quickly. Okay, they cannot or will not meet you. Their story pulls for your sympathy and your empathy. There's always a problem and it never quite resolves. Okay, you feel pressure, and it's not subtle, it grows and gets more and more severe. You're asked to keep things

Keep it Private Honey

SPEAKER_00 19:50

private. You know, they'll they'll ask to take the conversation to Instagram or Telegram from Twitter because it's it's just more private where we can talk more privately. Okay. You'll explain you'll notice inconsistencies, but you start explaining them away. Don't do that. It's it's your voice telling you to slow down, pay attention and look at the details. Okay. And then there's financial opportunities or needs that don't make sense. Man, can we really be making this kind of money? Why didn't anybody ever show this to me? I there's financial consultants I deal with that I know personally. There's, you know, I it just it just doesn't make sense. Okay? And the most important thing is you hear yourself saying something isn't right. That matters more than anything else. You know yourself better than anyone. Okay, you need to listen to yourself in these situations. Now, if you recognize any of this, here's what you need to do. Stop responding. Do not send any money under any circumstances. Do not move the conversation to another platform, do not even continue the conversation. Okay? Talk to somebody that you trust. Open it up to your family and go, hey, you know what? I'm involved in this. What do you think? It I mine went on for months. In 30 minutes, we figured out that I was being sc I was having the hell scammed out of me. It was that simple, that easy to figure out, but you know, I trusted this person. Yeah, we're I was being quiet because we were gonna have houses built, we're gonna have everything put into place for all of our family, all of our friends to just, hey, come join us. You don't have to worry, it's built, it's done. You know, we love everybody who's coming over. We we did this for you. Okay. So, and here's the other thing. You can verify who they are independently. You can do a reverse lookup. If you don't know how to do it, ask your ask your teenager, they'll know how to do it, or you're somebody in the you know younger generation if you want, but you know, it's pretty easy to do if you once you figure it out. But verify who they are. The person who was sending me pictures, you know, when my family got a hold of them, they went, hey, you know what? This person hacked somebody's Instagram account, and this is who you're talking with. You know, but it it wasn't even that person. Okay, they had no idea that their Instagram account got hacked. Okay, so verify who they are independently. I had to do that on a person who reached out to me about my book and wanted to do a quote unquote online interview and put it out to their new New York listeners. Well, and I shared that in the in the previous podcast. They'd never heard of this person, and I was never on the guest list, and no, they don't

Verify Independently - Do Not Give 100 Percent Unconditional Trust

SPEAKER_00 23:38

reach out for people to pay the production costs. So verify who they are independently, okay. But even that step I would really caution you against. Do that for your own validation, all right? But and that's a hard this is a hard thing. I get it. You know, this is a this is a friend, this is probably a person that you've grown very fond of, and it's difficult to end that relationship, even when you find out it's phony. I know that some people can't do it, even though they have discovered that this person is a scammer, they're so emotionally involved that they can't end it. That that is really sad. That's why we really need to talk about this, understand the emotional impacts of it, and and try and turn that back around to be dealt with through logic. Okay. So here's here's the line. All right. If if any of this any of these red flags are flashing, any of these red lights are blinking, delete that person, block them, and walk away. All right. I I will guarantee you that you do that you won't have thought about everything that's going to happen, or the implications or the repercussions of this relationship when you get ghosted, either relationally or financially. Just some of the things that happen and continue to happen are reminders that you almost cannot step away from. You almost cannot get away from them. And that's the thing that you need to save yourself from. Because when you lose that peace of mind that you know being at peace with who you are, what you know and what you have, once that's gone, is it's so devastating. I'm not talking just about relationally and about financially, I'm talking about the whole thing. It all cascades and it all comes to work against you. Okay? So delete block and lock. Let me give you something else simple to carry with you. If you receive a message that you weren't expecting from someone you don't know, treat it like scam until it proves real. I would you're not being paranoid. It's awareness, okay? And I hope it's because you've thought about the conversation that I'm having and that you're listening to. Because if if these things fit, you you are getting scam. Okay, there's just no question about it. You are in the middle of it, you are being uh victimized, you are being manipulated, okay? But you don't need to prove it's a scam. All right, they need to prove to you that they're legitimate, okay? And if you're like I said, even if you're to the point where things are not lining up, the best thing you can do for yourself is just to delete them, block them, and walk away. Isolate that person, do not respond back to them no matter what, and if you've lost financially that you need to report it to the FBI and start working on recovery efforts, and we'll talk about that later on in a different podcast. But that's about all I had to share today. It's just there's so much misinformation. Let's just work together. And if anything that I'm saying doesn't prove to be real or something that you're wrestling with, or you that had you know what, I'd really like more of the details around that. It's not a book sale, but look at Amazon. Go into the search bar and look for Michael Space. Michael Space B space ding. And that book or that that ebook will come up. Just read about that. And if you want to reach out and DM me, I'm on Facebook, and I'd be more than happy, you know, to respond, explain anything that that we've already talked about or that I've gone over. Okay. But I want to thank

This SCAM Situation is a Global Epidemic

SPEAKER_00 28:34

you once again for listening. I'm looking at the statistics, and it these conversations are are around the globe now, and I thank you for that because these scams and this romance scam is not just a quote unquote United States phenomenon. This is a global situation, okay? And it is it's epidemic globally. There's people losing a lot of money to the to these syndicates, and that's what they are. A lot of overseas syndicates that do this for a living. This is what they do for work. And a lot of people who are doing this are not doing this on their own accord. Some are, of course they are, but there are some that are being enlisted through human trafficking, and there's proof of that. Okay, and some of the organizations like AARP, Shamrock, they'll speak to that, and they have firsthand knowledge and and accountability on that in terms of you know preciseness and accuracy of information. So it's it's out there, and the more that you understand about it, the more you understand about how the game gets played, the better off you'll be. So again, I wanted to recap and I hope answering John's questions maybe helped answer some of the ones that you're having. I'll catch you on the next podcast release. But until then, this has been the Anatomy of Modern Romance Scams. I appreciate your attendance and your time. I hope this episode helped you better understand how these scams work, what the red flags are and what to do if you run into that situation. Sorry about the dog. Awareness is one of the most powerful tools we have. I again I hope you'll join me next time. Until then, stay aware. Stay protected. I can't I can't stress that enough. Stay protected, protect what you have, protect who you are. You you're gonna lose identity when this when you get ghosted. I hope I'll find the same person I used to be. I'm I'm still looking for him. I truly am. And as always, please always stay safe. I'm Michael B.