Roadside Assist

In this episode of Chats Behind the Chair, Deborah and Janey explore the importance of support, connection, and knowing when to help someone find the right way forward.

“Roadside assist” is about the people, conversations, and tools that help us when we feel stuck — both behind the chair and in life.

Through powerful stories and honest reflection, Deborah shares the unique role hairdressers and beauty therapists often play in their clients’ lives. From holding space during grief and difficult moments to offering perspective, encouragement, or simply pointing someone towards the right support.

They also talk about why asking for help can feel so difficult, the value of one meaningful conversation, and why supporting someone does not mean having all the answers.

Sometimes roadside assist is simply being the person who helps someone take the next step.

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Follow or subscribe to Chats Behind the Chair wherever you listen to podcasts, and join us for honest conversations that inspire, strengthen and support.

You can also follow along on Instagram at @chatsbehindthechair

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Empathy is when you've driven that road, you've experienced the crashes, you've had roadside assist, and you've had the help you needed to take you further along your journey.

SPEAKER_01 0:18

Welcome to Chase Behind the Chair. I'm Janie. Join Deborah and I as we step into the real conversations behind the chair, the human moments, the emotions, and the stories that shape this industry. Chase Behind the Chair goes beyond headdressing. It offers tools for growth, conversations that inspire, and support for the everyday moments behind the chair. This episode is all about roadside assist, the people and the team who can support you along the way. Deb, welcome to Chats Behind the Chair. Hi Janie.

SPEAKER_00 0:53

Today we're going to talk about roadside assist. I'm going to start off telling a story. Because one of my clients came in to me one day and she told me all about she was uh one client that I never saw again. And she had gone for a trip in Mongolia. And her and a friend had gone over and they literally had prepared themselves, they'd, you know, ready for the road trip. I mean, you're in the middle of nowhere, right, in Mongolia. And this I'm talking years ago, before cell phones, before anything, you know, they this is years ago. They ended up finding a young girl, she's about 13, to go on the road trip with them, you know, as a support. Well, anyway, they ended up in the middle of nowhere in their journey, got a flat tire. So they all got out and they tried undoing the wheel nuts and they simply could not do it, right? They tried for hours. Two days later, they were still sitting beside the road. Now the reality is we have to drink water within three days, otherwise we lose our lives. So they're in a really serious position. You're probably really curious about what happens. I am. What happens? Yeah, well, you'll be making up lots of stories in your head, but the curiosity is how we learn. It opens our minds. So I'm gonna tap into that a little bit later on.

SPEAKER_01 2:05

And that's kind of what today's conversation is all about, the role that hairdressers play when someone comes into the chair. So what do you think it is about hairdressers?

SPEAKER_00 2:13

Well, I mean, a lot of people look at the beauty industry and it's only skin deep. You know, it's what we see on the outside. But beauty is goes so much further inside.

SPEAKER_01 2:23

And I guess you spend so much time in a chair. Like, is there any other profession that you spend, what, say, 30 to up to sometimes I'm at the head. Yeah, four hours, maybe even longer sometimes. I don't think so, Janie.

SPEAKER_00 2:34

I know that I've been at the dentist, kind of like that sort of timeline, which wasn't quite as much of a. How did that go with all those hands in your mouth? It's hard to have a chat, isn't it? Oh, often the questions start coming when my mouth's open, there's injections and all sorts of stuff happening. So I don't know, like there's often not that's a two-way conversation. It's either you go and have a massage and you've got peace and quiet, where hairdressings we can just have that freedom of that platform to just chat.

SPEAKER_01 3:01

And it's something about being in the hairdressing chair that makes you open up. But you must have had some amazing conversations.

SPEAKER_00 3:08

You know, people think we just look at our book, we turn up to work, we see the appointments booked in, but we have no idea the experiences or where that person's at that time.

SPEAKER_01 3:16

Yeah, you don't know where the day's gonna take you. No, well what what the conversation Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:21

Like someone might be going through a death, there might be a breakup, you know, someone's engaged. Yeah, well, sometimes, I mean, I I've had three generations of people, you know, through and you get to know all their family. Sometimes, you know, you know all about the family and they don't even know you because you know their parents, the grandparents talks about them. So there's lots of layers of our job. It's not just cutting hair.

SPEAKER_01 3:43

It's so much more. Can you tell us about some of those conversations that have really impacted you?

SPEAKER_00 3:48

Yeah, I remember one particular lady was booked in, she was a VIP. Um, so I mean, you know, I was making up stories in my head about what that would be. Sandra Bullock's coming today. You know, someone we did have actresses and actors. The hotel requested that I had looked after her after hours. So this lady came in and I started doing her hair and we were just chatting away. We were alone in the salon. And then she started about halfway through the appointment, she started start telling me about this situation that just happened, this traumatic situation. And she'd flown halfway around the world with her daughter, and um, who was about my age at that time. And her daughter had died beside her in the plane. On the plane. On the plane. And she shared with me a lot of detail about what happens when that situation happened. And I was like, whoa, like I just like didn't even know what to say because all I could do was hold space with her.

SPEAKER_01 4:46

And sometimes that's the most beautiful thing you can do, right?

SPEAKER_00 4:49

This that's the only thing you can do. You can just give sympathy and be there for them and be a sounding board to whatever they need to say. And you know, we go through I mean, I can think of numerous situations, you know, having to go to a home to how look after loved ones, you know, like because you know all the parties involved often. So we get very, very involved with sad, tragic, you know, like deaths and you know, all of that is part of what we do. And then there's other times where there's just joy and fun and weddings and, you know, celebrations of life that we get really involved with as well, which is which is beautiful.

SPEAKER_01 5:28

And do you think this is part of when there's like a good hairdresser is they can cut hair amazingly, but they can also hold space for their clients as well.

SPEAKER_00 5:37

Definitely. Well, this what was really interesting, I had a lady booked in a number of years later, I'd say eight or nine years later, and she came in for a wedding. And um, we were just chatting away, and you know, I didn't know who she was. And then suddenly she started telling me about how the last time she'd been in Queenstown, and bearing in mind we'd referred their salon completely, looked completely different. She said, you know, I'm getting married to a man and his son was the same age as my daughter that I lost tragically. And kind of like all of a sudden I had this overwhelming, like, oh my goodness, I did your hair.

SPEAKER_01 6:17

Oh, so it was the same lady from the plane.

SPEAKER_00 6:19

Yes. Many, oh my goodness. Yes. Wow. And it was just like this moment in time. And after I did her hair, as she was leaving, she gave me the biggest hug, like as you can imagine. And she said, you know, you just held, I just needed to talk. She had no one else in Queenstown. And she needed to talk. And so I was that sounding board. So that, you know, it's powerful.

SPEAKER_01 6:43

And what a privilege. What a what a privilege for you to hold space for someone in their time of need.

SPEAKER_00 6:49

And then there was another lady who I remember, you know, she was just on Christmas. They had like a trade type company. And she, you know, she said, you know, straight up, she said, I've got a real problem. I've just got a letter and she had it with her. And she's like, oh my God, we owe $35,000 in provisional tax. And I'm like, oh my goodness. And I could just see she was not in a good space. So I'm very much, you have to knock on someone's door before to see if you're welcome to have any chats. Like Right. Got you. Ask permission. You ha you cannot b like just guess walk on in or think you can, you know. And I think that's where um our job is really unique because we can just test the waters. And so she said, Yeah, I would love your perspective. You have been in business for quite some time. And so I just took her out into a private space on the balcony. And I said, Look, this is what I learned. And I told her to ring this particular person. But, you know, she came back within about six weeks and she says, You are a lifesaver. You helped me so much, just recommending a great professional for this situation. That's what we do. We know people because we get to know our clients really well. We're talking away to them as professionals, the ones that we can trust and believe that they're really good. That's where we can direct people.

SPEAKER_01 8:10

And I guess we're talking about roadside assist. It's not having all the answers. It's about knowing where to point them in the right direction to the people that have got the skills that can actually help them. Absolutely. Absolutely. So it's not just about clients. You're obviously in a team of hairdressers. Have you ever helped someone in the industry?

SPEAKER_00 8:27

Oh, many times. I mean, you often say conversations that you don't even know you've said, but it's a massive impact on the other person. And I remember what was really interesting for me because I ran my own business for all of those years, and then I decided because I had to close, I couldn't get a new lease. I went to work at Cruise Status in Queenstown. It was a salon that I always used to send clients to them, they sent clients to us. We were collaborators, so I didn't see them as competition. They were just another really good salon. So anyway, I went to work there. So bearing in mind I've got my business hat and I've also got just as a stylist, I'm in working as a team member. And there was one particular day, and one of the stylists did a beautiful, beautiful hairstyle. The lady was super happy, and I was with the stylist at reception, and the client left, and all of a sudden her whole persona shifted.

SPEAKER_01 9:16

The girl that did the hair?

SPEAKER_00 9:17

Yes. She just got looked really flat. And I'm like, so what's on your mind? What are you thinking? And she sort of turned round to me and she said, Oh my goodness, I had to charge her so much money. I'm like, okay. So what you're saying is that you've spent two hours with your client. You've done a beautiful style. She's so happy. I could see how happy she was. Your work's fantastic. And you think that she you've charged too much. And she's like, Yes. I'm like, okay, let's back the track up. She loves back the truck up. Yeah. So let's have a look. Okay, that particular client I know, and I know that she'll be going to a restaurant on Friday night and she'll be spending at least that much money on a nice meal. Now that meal might might be the best meal in her life, but it could also be average. And the next day she's gonna be hungry within 10 hours. So do you think the value of your style that you've just done, which is gonna last your client at least six weeks, or does the meal is at better value? And it was just a moment. I mean, I just said that and I walked away to do my other client. And it was funny because she said to me about three years later, she said, You shifted my thinking, you changed my mind in that conversation. And that's what I love about her job.

SPEAKER_01 10:32

You changed my mind on it too. It's amazing. You're right. It's six weeks worth of value.

SPEAKER_00 10:37

Yeah. This is another part of me that's really motivated where I really feel so sad where I see businesses closing down, like beauty business, the salons, you know, where people have gone in with all of the great intent, you know, the everything's shiny and new and it's beautiful. And then reality is, you know, as technicians, we work really hard, but so often we don't value ourselves.

SPEAKER_01 10:58

So, Deborah, have you had other businesses come to you asking for help?

SPEAKER_00 11:02

Yeah, I actually had a salon that came to me after about 10 years of running my business, and she said, you know, I really would love to give us some feedback and some help. They're struggling to keep the staff, and they could see that a lot of the t staff members actually stayed a long time at Colida. So I sat down with them and went through the shapes and their personality types, then I gave them, you know, the collective culture, which they then formed into their own culture. So it was like a template for them to make their own vision with. And the main thing was their financial side. They weren't valuing their value. Okay, their prices weren't right where they should be. And so, you know, that often happens. We often get into what I call tunnel time where we're in a bad situation, but we don't choose to actually ask for help and we stay in our space.

SPEAKER_01 11:54

So why do you think people find it so hard to ask for help?

SPEAKER_00 11:57

I think Jay needs privacy, you know, you don't want people gossiping about you. You just can't sometimes trust people that they won't talk about share information. And so, you know, you stay in that situation sometimes. And then I think that's where hairdressers can sometimes shine a light, you know, and uh you often don't share your problems with family or friends. You know, you don't want them to know all everything.

SPEAKER_01 12:21

You don't want to burden them.

SPEAKER_00 12:23

No, sometimes that's you don't need them to worry about you. So I see that's where our role sometimes can be so powerful because we can just shine a light, you know, and then people can come to us for help or the right people can help. Have you ever had roadside assist? Has someone ever helped you out? Absolutely. So there was a stage in my business where I was working, you know, I believed I fight worked harder, then I'd generate more money, and I was doing lots and lots of hours, probably around 50 or 60 hours at one point.

SPEAKER_01 12:53

A lot.

SPEAKER_00 12:54

A lot. And some of you know, the clients that really know you can see through your acting. Oh, I know. Well, I'm glad I'm retired these days. I'm not not acting at all now. Yeah, so I remember there was a stage in at that stage where I actually had clients, was about seven of them, started talking about this book. And I'm like, oh my, I don't really, haven't really read a lot of books and not business books. So anyway, this one particular client, he was actually a lawyer, gave me this book and it completely shifted my thinking. I had a commercial at that time where I went away to a remote area in Fjordland and I read it because it was you there was no cell phone recoverage, and I had time out, and I read this book, and it was completely shifting my journey. So I will go into that book in another podcast. But it's where they were shining the light, and I eventually got the tool that shifted a lot of my thinking.

SPEAKER_01 13:48

So it's all about finding the right people to help you, or the right tool, like a book. Exactly, totally. And also it's the beauty about chats behind the chair, because this is a resource that people can listen to if they are stuck in some aspect of their life and use it as a tool. So I'm intrigued. Can you take me back to Mongolia?

SPEAKER_00 14:07

Okay, so for two days later they're sitting beside the road and it's hot, like there is no shelter. And they're desperately, the reality that they'd created, not only for themselves, but also the 13-year-old. You know, they had actually employed you to come with them along the journey. So then finally, on that last the end of that day, they saw this dust coming. So they finally went, Oh my goodness, we're gonna get help. And they were so relieved, right? So anyway, this very young girl turned up in this vehicle and they were like, Well, she's not gonna help us, but at least they're gonna save their lives. So anyway, they straight away started thinking, well, it's gonna take us hours to get to the next destination, you know, it's gonna be a big process to get help and to get this sorted. But anyway, this young girl, she put the gadget, you know, the wheel brace gadget on, and she simply stood on it, leaned up over the car, and then started bouncing. And literally the nuts undid. It was just like, wow.

SPEAKER_01 15:09

How incredible.

SPEAKER_00 15:10

And anyway, about five, I'm thinking five years later, I was in, I was invited into this house in this remote farm station in the back of um Moat Lake. And it's literally a long way from the road, no cell phone reception, and there was five of us in this beautiful house in the middle of nowhere. Anyway, had a fun night, we came out and a little bit dusty, and I saw them, all the four of my friends were trying to get this wheel nut off to change the tyre because we had a flat tire. So anyway, I quietly just sat down and and observed the situation unfolding. And it took me back to that conversation all those years before. For a start, all my friends were like laughing, it was a bit fun and you know, but all get distorted. And then the moods changed. Panic. One of the women was actually starting to panic because she had to get to see her children. You know, she was on a timeline and she had to be there. So they turned to me and said, Can you do this? And I'm like, Well, actually, no, I can't because I literally have had shoulder operations and I there's no way. And so I watched them a little bit longer. I didn't want to do too much pain, but they were getting really frustrated and they just didn't know what to do. They were getting desperate. So I just said, Look, I can't do that, but I can do something else. So I kind of wandered over and I just don't and I did what I was told how to do it. And it shifted the nuts. And so, Janie, we're not just hairdressers. We have such a gift to hold space with people, to point them in the right direction for someone to help them, to shine the light when they need that guidance. And so I'm super excited coming through to the next podcast. We're going to invite some really specialist people that can really shine at a different perspective. And this is what this podcast is all going to be about.

SPEAKER_01 17:03

I love it. Thanks so much for joining us today, Deborah. Thank you. Well, thanks for joining us on Chats Behind the Chair. If you could do us one favor, we would love for you to share this episode with a friend who you think might enjoy it. Have a fantastic week, and we look forward to catching you back here soon on Chats Behind the Chair.