Success And Love

Success doesn’t just change your bank account, it can change your relationship. We get honest about what happens when one person starts rising: the dating pool can feel smaller, attention comes from everywhere, and the power balance at home can quietly shift. We talk about why so many people chase titles and lifestyle perks, and how that surface-level filter can make you miss the one thing that actually holds a partnership together: character.

We also dig into the tough stuff people avoid saying out loud, like financial imbalance, ego, and ambition mismatch. If you’ve ever supported someone’s dream, sacrificed your own growth, and then watched the relationship fall apart, you’ll understand why “date someone already successful” is tempting. But we challenge the fantasy that “potential” is enough and ask where the line is between believing in someone and taking on a project. Along the way, we share what helped us build brick by brick through career transitions, and why being a “plus one” is never the goal.

Then we bring it home with practical dating and marriage perspectives: setting boundaries around work hours, refusing to dim your light to make someone else comfortable, and defining success beyond social media “stuff.” We end with a rapid-fire Dope Or Nope and a real question about marriage: is it a goal, a milestone, or simply the next step?

If this hit home, subscribe, share with a friend who’s navigating dating and success, and leave a review so more people can find the show. What’s one way success has changed your relationships or your standards?

Transcript

Success And Love Set Up

SPEAKER_03 0:01

So let's just say it. Success changes daily. The higher you rise, it sometimes feels like the smaller the dating pool becomes. Hi, I'm Shante.

SPEAKER_05 0:16

And I'm Mill.

SPEAKER_03 0:17

Welcome to the Tudo Chicks Podcast.

SPEAKER_01 0:20

And we're the Two Doe Chicks.

SPEAKER_03 0:44

Salamil. This is a tough one today. I feel like they're gonna be at us, but we gotta talk about it. Does success change the relationship? Does it make the relationship harder? How do you feel about it?

SPEAKER_05 1:01

Yeah, I definitely think it can. It can it can make a relationship more difficult depending upon where you've come from. Um, you know, it could change the power balance within the relationship. Oh, of course, you know, you got the ego issue of how the person feels about themselves. Um, so um, and I think also, you know, just what comes to mind with success is you have more people who may be attracted to your partner, your spouse, your girlfriend, boyfriend, because they're more successful.

SPEAKER_03 1:35

We deal with that.

SPEAKER_05 1:36

But no. So, yeah, it can be very challenging. It can be very challenging. That's gonna require that you know, that adds a new dynamic to a relationship. And all relationships can't get through that.

Status Dating And The Smaller Pool

Money Imbalance And Power Shifts

SPEAKER_03 1:50

Correct. Well, I guess what I've noticed with the whole, you know, success making relationships harder. First and foremost, it's hard for people in general, men or women, to find like that person. Because everybody now is big on what you do for a living, yeah, uh, how much money you make, what you know, everybody wanna be on the to me, it feels like the surface level things. And we've gotten away from really and truly getting to know a person. So you find women staking out at places where they feel as though they're gonna find the caliber of men that they're looking for, and vice versa. You find men that are staking out or frequenting certain places because they're looking for um a caliber of women. So yeah, we we're living in this world now where success kind of defines I guess who people feel like they want to be with or attracted to. But then you get with the person and you realize, ooh, did I really want this? Did I sign up for this? Because this comes with a lot. It comes with more than I think I'm capable of of handling. Because what if I'm with somebody, let's just say financial imbalance. Um, I'm with someone and they make, I don't know, five times more than I make, or they just may be the breadwinner altogether. Then what?

SPEAKER_05 3:31

Yeah. Yeah, that can be uh a real difficult situation. I mean, I think that that that kind of situation really fraught with a whole lot of challenge. Um because you know, on its surface, it's like, you know, if you're not already accomplished or whatever, whatever is, you want to be with somebody who is, you know, a millionaire and so accomplished and things like that. But um a lot of times folks once they get in that position, they start questioning, you know, is this really what I signed up for? And so for me, you know, I think that that that's a really tough place to be um to first start from the position of I want to be with somebody successful, because I think ultimately whatever you do for a living is what you do for a living, it's not who you are. Correct. Um so and and and and and you don't want somebody falling in love with you based upon what you do for a living, right? You want someone to fall in love with you based upon who you are because isn't that an attraction now?

SPEAKER_03 4:47

Like I hear, and and not that either one of us are out there in the dating world right now, correct. Correct, we're not in the dating pool, but you hear these things like um, yeah, I'm attracted to this person. Because the first thing that catches the eye, of course, is the physical appearance. So they get past the physical appearance, then the first thing they want to know, what you do for a living. As the moment hits, if that person says, Oh, I work at Publix, I bag groceries. Oh, baby, it's nothing wrong with that. But I tell you what, that's honorable work. I tell you what, that person more than likely would be like, Oh, yeah, he's cute and all, or she's sexy and all, but she works at public.

SPEAKER_05 5:35

She could bag the hell out of them groceries.

Attraction, Job Titles, And Reality

SPEAKER_03 5:37

She could bag the hell out of some groceries, baby. Those plastic bags are gonna be packed to the max. But the attraction, some of the attraction, if we're honestly candidly speaking, some of the attraction goes to the left because guess what? Next guy, next female walks up. Oh, I'm attracted to that person. What you do? Oh, yeah, I'm a um I'm a doctor. You are a doctor, even if he or she is the ugliest person on the planet, the attraction rate up. You are a doctor. Exactly. The attraction rate just went up because you're a doctor. Right. And I think for us, sometimes it's hard to relate to that because yeah, when I met you, yeah, you were an attorney, you were doing your thing. Um, I think when we met, I was a reading coach. Right. Um but for us, it was different because in these 15 years, we've built the relationship brick by brick. Yeah, yeah. By brick.

SPEAKER_04 6:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 6:50

And so it's hard to connect sometimes when people are saying, I want to be with somebody successful, because for us, it's like that's foreign. Why do you want to be with somebody successful instead of getting with that person and you all become successful together? Help that person become successful. Yeah. So to me, I could care less if the person bagging groceries at Publix or if they're the garbage person coming through my neighborhood. I feel like I think Michelle Obama said this um years ago. Somebody asked her, like, um, what about your ex-boyfriend or something, like back in Chicago? This is when Obama was first on the campaign trail. And she said, and if I were with him, he would be president of the United States. Basically saying it doesn't matter if I'm with Barack or if I was with this other person. What matters is that I'm the type of woman I'm gonna get with you and you're going to be successful because we're gonna work together. I'm gonna push you, I'm gonna motivate you, you're gonna be, you know, determined because you have this strong support system backing you. So I think that's where our um, I don't know, that's where it's kind of lacking now. I don't know if it's uh a generational thing, like I don't know, but but you get with the person, so now okay, they're successful, they like you, they want to be with you. Now you with this doctor, and you you marry this doctor, so now he is the breadwinner. Or she. Or she is the breadwinner. So now how do you deal with the the ego? Now, how do you deal with the I don't know, career mismatch, ambition mismatch? Like, how how do you deal with that?

Build Together And Avoid Plus One

SPEAKER_05 8:47

Yeah, and so that has its own other set of issues. That's why, you know, I love in our in our love journey of, you know, we started off both at places where we were just trying to get to the next place. And it took us encouraging each other, supporting each other, pouring into each other to really be able to get to the next place and understanding that now all both places that we're at is for us, you know, is for um our family, and it's not for either individual, it's literally for building um for our family and this thing that we call intergenerational wealth. Um but yeah, that that's a tough one. You know, I've always said this one of the things that was my mantra, my personal belief, uh, particularly when I got to college, um I always felt like I did not want to be a plus one. Oh I never wanted to be a plus one. And what I mean by that is this I wanted to be the person who's invited to the party, who's invited to the reception, who's invited to the inauguration event or whatever, not because of who I'm with, not the plus one. So I think that that that you know, you have to start with you of what will it take? I need to build me up, you know, I need to support me, I need to take some classes, I need to get this certification, you know, I need to uh put myself on a credit repair plan, you know, I need to make a budget, whatever it is.

SPEAKER_03 10:41

Just in case.

SPEAKER_05 10:42

Whatever it is, what if yeah, what whatever it is. What if, whatever it is, so that I can be the best me and not the plus one. And I think that once it matters how you feel about your exactly, so that when you become the best me, you're track attracting your mirror, right?

SPEAKER_01 11:04

Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_05 11:04

You you know, you're you're attracting that same energy of in this other person of someone who is trying to be their best selves.

SPEAKER_03 11:15

I know I used to enjoy saying when you and I first got together and we used to uh you know have our little spats, and I used to be like, listen, when you met me, I had a house. When you met me, I had my own car. When you met me, I had my master's degree. Like oh, you were running.

SPEAKER_05 11:33

You were running. You know, you were up, like you wrong.

Sacrifice, Divorce, And Protecting Self

SPEAKER_03 11:36

Well, you know, for me, it was a sense of letting you know that I have, you know, things to offer to you as well. Right. You didn't meet me at this place where, you know, okay, I got to help her get this, or she didn't have this, or she didn't have that. We met each other kind of, you know, at a place where no, we weren't where we are today, yeah, but we were at a place where we both could do our best to help each other and continue to build with each other. Um, I've always saw you as being a very um successful individual. Um, but even when you didn't believe even when you didn't believe that you were a success a successful individual, I believed for you. Oh, yes indeed. And I think that's the part that is missing now. And I'm not gonna say, oh, I fought, you know, these women or I fought these women because or these men, because we don't know what has taken place, what has happened over the years to put them in this place to say, you know what? Because I hear people say all the time, when I marry this time, I ain't married for love. I ain't marrying for love this time. Yeah. Because somebody has been through something. Yeah, oh yeah. And so when I think about my own personal, you know, experience, uh coming out of my Oh, it's getting rid of coming out of my divorce, I had days of anger. Why I was I I had my days of anger because I felt like I shrunk myself. I shrunk myself because women, we have been programmed that you do what you need to do for your family. So even if that means that you take the back seat to let the man go. And what I did, you know, in my previous, uh, I'm gonna say my previous life, because I'm on, you know, the next one now at this point. Yeah, my previous life, I felt like uh I was doing what I needed to do for my family. So what it was at the time, my ex wanted to go back to school to pursue his master's um degree, his MBA. And I wanted to go back to school at the time too to receive my master's. But at the time, he was the breadwinner. He was making more money um than I was. So in my mind, I say, you know what? I'm gonna let him go back to school, let him get his master's degree because he makes more money. It only makes sense for him to go back and get his master's degree. That way he's gonna make even more money, and that's going to benefit my family. I'm thinking about myself and I'm thinking about our two children at the time. And so when you see this other person become successful off of your sacrifices as well, because somebody had to stay home, you know, take care of the kids, somebody had to, you know, stay up at night. And even if it was just being supportive while you were doing homework or whatever, your only worry, your only stress was to go to work and go to school. And so, yeah, that is a major sacrifice on the other person. And so when things don't pan out well and it doesn't work in your favor, I can see how, you know, moving forward, someone could be like, nah, I ain't doing that no more. Like, I want to be with somebody that's already successful. Like, I'm not helping nobody do anything.

Potential, Ego, And Realistic Love

SPEAKER_05 15:25

That's a good point. That's a good point. How do you feel about those who fall in love with somebody's potential?

SPEAKER_03 15:34

Oh Lord. That sounds like a project. Are we talking about potential or a project? That's that's different because sometimes people can have potential, but again, you got to be that person that's going to continue to push and continue to, you know, allow them to hopefully uh act upon their potential and do whatever it is that they say they're going to do. Sometimes I think we hinder people with potential a lot because that potential is like a uh almost like a fire. And we put that, we extinguish it so quickly and just start doing everything for them, they lose that potential. So, you know, I don't know. I mean, for me, they got to show me a little bit more than potential. Yeah. Because I don't want that to become uh a project, right? But um, it is a lot dealing with when you've helped that person get to that place, now you got to deal with the ego.

SPEAKER_05 16:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 16:37

Here comes the ego.

SPEAKER_05 16:39

Man, and that thing could be a monster. That thing is big, you don't even fit through the door. Yeah, that thing could be a monster.

SPEAKER_03 16:46

So, yeah, just dealing with the ego, the financial imbalance, the ambition uh mismatch, because sometimes, you know, people just don't have that fire in them.

SPEAKER_05 16:57

They just don't. I mean, either you have it or you don't, and that's something that you can't put in somebody. So, you know, you have to accept it. Uh it's kind of really back to that falling in love with their potential. You have to take people as they are.

SPEAKER_01 17:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 17:14

Yeah. Uh, I think that that one of the the common, common um things that people do that are very dangerous are uh thinking that somebody is going to change. And you're gonna make them change, you know. Um you're gonna you're gonna make them ambitious. Yeah, you're gonna give them drive that you know, things like their character is gonna change. And then I think one of the other things that can be very dangerous is uh women or men thinking that marriage can change someone. Um who that person was before the marriage, you know, sitting up playing video games all day, um, unless you make in a ton of money being a gamer, it's just it's a sport, it's a hobby. You know? Um, but we all need to be very conscious of taking people at whatever place and state that they're in and be honest with ourselves and say, okay, is this gonna be okay with me?

SPEAKER_03 18:19

Yeah. And you know, now at our age, um, because you know, we're we got a little seasoning on us now. And so the realities of people, let's just say 30, over 30. The reality dating somebody now with potential or that lack of ambition or whatever, at our age, do you think that it's possible that they're in this stage where they're ready to make a 360, a life change, and say, oh yeah, I'm going to, I don't know, apply for that certification. Um, I'm gonna take this class because I want to, you know, do this, or I'm gonna go back to school.

SPEAKER_01 19:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 19:05

Like at this age, do you do you think that's still possible?

SPEAKER_05 19:09

I mean, I think anything is possible, but I do think that you have to be completely real and say, people are going to do what they have a desire to do. You know, um, and so if that person does want to pursue a DD or a diploma or a certificate in whatever, or a bachelor's, associate's, whatever, they're going to do it based upon what they want to do.

SPEAKER_03 19:37

What they want, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 19:38

Not what you want them to do.

SPEAKER_00 19:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 19:40

So, you know, you just have to be very honest with yourself and and and make a decision of, is this okay with me? And if it's not okay, maybe that's not a rule you really want to go down.

SPEAKER_03 19:53

Yeah. And I think what the one thing that I think I've always loved and enjoyed about us is that I've always felt like even when we were, I guess you could say, mismatched or whatever it was.

SPEAKER_05 20:07

Well, I think we were. I don't think we were mismatched, is I think that we were both at places of transition.

SPEAKER_03 20:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 20:15

Um That's a great way to do that. You know, a lot of people think that lawyers are, you know, wealthy and make all this money. Not really. Is, you know, a lot of it has to do with what type of practice you have, how long you've been practicing, um, you know, what your area specialty is. But being a lawyer in itself does not mean that you're rich. No one ever expects to be in a car accident, but when it happens, you need someone who stands on business. I'm Melissa Daniels, and this is my city. I fight for my people. I am your attorney. Scan below, save the number, and if ever in need, call. I know when you met me, I was not at that place. I was at a place of literally had come out of something of a lot of bad business decisions. But I saw your potential. You look beyond. I looked beyond your faults. You look beyond. And saw your. But yeah, is is you know, I I remember talking to you and saying, you know, I really want to change my practice because I started off as a criminal lawyer and it was tough. It was tough. The years that were great were great. And then, you know, when the economy just really had a lot of issues and you know, things kind of dried up for folks. Um the criminal practice, like literally, I was chasing chasing people down for$50. Oh, I remember. Yeah. I remember sitting there listening.

SPEAKER_03 21:56

I remember sitting there listening to you on the phone.

SPEAKER_05 21:58

That was not a

SPEAKER_03 22:00

$100,$200. I'm looking like.

SPEAKER_05 22:03

Right, right. And that's what I'm saying. Is that's the misnomer. Is people think their lawyers just make all this kind of money? And that's that's not the reality for every lawyer. Yeah. That is the reality for some lawyers, but that's not the reality for every lawyer. But the point I was getting to was this we were both in transition. Yeah. Is you were coming out of a difficult personal situation. You know, um, in your career, you were doing pretty good. Um, and I was coming out, you know, of a difficult business situation.

Love In Transition And Defining Success

SPEAKER_03 22:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 22:37

Um, and you know, sitting in that one bedroom apartment.

SPEAKER_03 22:41

Yeah, one bedroom apartment.

SPEAKER_05 22:42

Many, many days literally eating on the floor.

SPEAKER_03 22:45

It's set on a golf course, though.

SPEAKER_05 22:46

It's set on a golf course, but you know, eating on the floor. Yeah. But we loved each other and we were happy. Yeah. Um even to this day, we think about those moments of, you know, sitting there on the floor of Bermuda Dunes apartments, literally just sitting, eating crabs, and we were just so happy.

SPEAKER_03 23:09

And we were happy.

SPEAKER_05 23:10

And we were happy. And you poured into me, and I poured into you. And we continue to that.

SPEAKER_03 23:16

We continue to work together. We continued to explore opportunities, we continued to say, you know what? In the next year, we're going to be doing this. In the next three years, we're going to be here. Um, we we talked about what success looked like for us.

SPEAKER_04 23:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:35

I think sometimes do people really know what success means? Or what does it look like for you? What does it look like for me?

SPEAKER_05 23:42

Right. Beyond social media. Yeah. Gotta add it.

SPEAKER_03 23:49

So um, I just think, you know, nowadays everything is kind of popcorn. Yeah. Everything is stored in the microwave. I want to quit, quit, quit, quick, quick. I want to make it. I want the mansion.

SPEAKER_05 24:01

I want the boat. I want the family. I want the jewelry. I want the lavish trips. Uh, you know, I want all the handbags. And that's just but is that success? I don't think that's success. That's that's stuff.

SPEAKER_03 24:14

Right.

SPEAKER_05 24:15

That's stuff. Right. That's not success.

SPEAKER_03 24:17

I think if we ask the person, define success, if we ask three people to define success, every person would probably give us a different definition, which makes sense because it would be their own opinion, right? You know, of what they feel like success is. Um, I know for me, there was a time in my life I felt like I was successful because I had two beautiful children and you know, they were doing great, they were happy, they were healthy. For me, that was success.

SPEAKER_01 24:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 24:52

Um, I just think everybody, you know, and as I continue to, you know, evolve a little bit, I'm like, you know, it's more to I love being a mom. Motherhood is amazing, but I want more. I want more now. And I think that's the same way as being um a wife. Love being a wife, being a wife is great. But is it is it success?

SPEAKER_05 25:21

Is that my I don't think but being a wife means that you have or being a husband. Or being a husband uh or a fiance or whatever. I don't think that that just means that you reach this sex station in life. Right.

SPEAKER_03 25:38

Do you think men and women, do you think they really want what do you think they're looking for? Do they do you think they want somebody that's truly successful or they're looking for the the admiration?

SPEAKER_05 25:55

I think that they're looking for perks. That's what I think. They're looking for lifestyle. Lifestyle, perks, and and attention. Yeah, and then and then when they get that, the the issue becomes, is that enough? You know, I I remember um come on now. Yeah, I remember like points where um seeing people, you know, in the Gucci belts and stuff like that. And I just remember thinking, wow, they must have a lot of money. They have all these Gucci belts. And and I remember getting a Gucci belt. And I remember after that first couple of months, just being like, okay, that you know that didn't hit the way I thought it was gonna hit the way I think it was gonna hit.

SPEAKER_03 26:43

I got on my Gucci belt, but I still feel some type of way in here.

SPEAKER_05 26:47

Exactly. Exactly, exactly.

SPEAKER_03 26:50

So yeah, that's not that's not the cure all is you can have you know all the cars and still be lonely and empty and depressed, or you can be with somebody that's so accomplished and you still, you know, feel you still feel empty inside. That person is accomplished, but you're still chasing something. Yeah, you're still wanting something, you still desire something for you. Yes, I'm with you, you're accomplished, I'm going to benefit from it. But at the end of the day, like, you know, so that's deep.

SPEAKER_05 27:31

Yeah, that's deep. That's real deep.

SPEAKER_03 27:34

So have you ever like, I know we talked about my time when I felt like I shrunk for somebody. Have you ever been like in a situation? I'm talking about uh, we're gonna call it BS before Shantae. BS before Shantae. Have you ever been in a situation where somebody told you, like, you you too much or you doing too much?

SPEAKER_05 27:58

I have not been in that place personally. Um, however, I have been in that place in business relationships, uh, particularly business relationships with men who were older, where uh because I was younger and because I was a woman, it felt like they wanted me to shrink. And very candidly, it felt like I did shrink, you know. So they could be. So they could be exactly, and once I got some sense and uh grew up a little bit and started, you know, coming out from behind them. What's the problem? That's when the problems, everything was good when I was standing behind, you know, it was all good, everything was perfect. I was the the best, the best, best, best of everything, you know, best business partner, the best everything.

SPEAKER_03 28:52

So you were doing too much, yeah. Yeah, so maybe it wasn't that you was doing too much, maybe you were doing too much for the wrong person.

SPEAKER_01 29:02

Right.

SPEAKER_02 29:02

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 29:03

Mm-hmm.

unknown 29:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 29:05

That's that's what that was. Because I don't feel like if if you if you're trying to get to a certain place and you're passionate and you're determined, what's too much? Right. What what is too much?

SPEAKER_05 29:17

Well, you know, folk just sometimes are are very um, they want to keep you down because they're afraid that you're gonna outshine them.

SPEAKER_03 29:26

Because they see your potential.

SPEAKER_05 29:27

Yeah, because they see your potential. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 29:30

They know, they know your potential. Have you ever felt uh like pressure to dim to dim your success? And I know I have dealt with you on this. Uh you are that's you are so modest when it comes to who you are, what you do. Um, and we've had conversations where I've had to tell you, hey, you worked too hard. Like if somebody patting you on the back telling you, hey, good job, congratulations, you know, whatever, you're kind of one, you'll be like, Oh, yeah, thank you. But no, there is no ifs, ands, or buts about it, except except what it is.

SPEAKER_05 30:12

And that's been difficult. That's been difficult.

SPEAKER_03 30:13

And I think you will dim your life.

Stop Dimming Your Light

SPEAKER_05 30:15

That, that, that kind of, I don't, I don't know, there's something inside of me that always feels uncomfortable about that. You know, I think growing up just really coming from a family where, you know, not being bragged, it was not being braggadocious, you know. And and so when when people kind of, you know, look at me and say, you know, patting me on the back, congratulations, oh, you could do this, it just feels really uncomfortable for me. Uh and this is just me being complained, it feels really uncomfortable of um just not wanting to to be braggadocious or accept that because that means that I'm bragging. And that's just, you know, the way I was taught, it was like it's wrong to brag, you know. So I think sometimes, a lot of times, I'm just modest to a fault. Yes. Um, you gotta, you know, you gotta be able to pop out and show folk.

SPEAKER_03 31:19

You gotta pop out and show them. Because guess what? I feel like if a person can't accept your success and who you are, that's their insecurities. They don't have anything to do with you. When when I have been in situations where I felt like, oh, I don't want to share that, you know, I got this promotion, or I don't want to share that I've been asked to speak over here. I'm doing it around people that I feel as though they're not going to accept it or welcome it, or I'm doing it around people that I feel like they're not in that place, and I don't want to make them feel bad about being not being in that place. So now I'm dimming my light so I can help them shine. And it gets to a point where we all can shine.

SPEAKER_01 32:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 32:05

But it's not my fault if you didn't take uh, you know, if you didn't take those opportunities when I did.

SPEAKER_05 32:12

And so one of the things that throughout our journey that you have taught me, and I'm grateful for it, um, because I do I learn a lot from you. I learn a lot from you. Thank you. Um you literally one of the wisest people I know, and this is not for this or anything else. Like literally.

SPEAKER_04 32:31

I appreciate it.

SPEAKER_05 32:31

You're one of the wisest people I know, and I respect you incredibly. Um, but one of the things that you she led me, she led me. But one of the things that that you have really taught me is if God has blessed you with it, if God has allowed you to get through it. Jesus, you gotta tell folk, you know, and that's not being braggadocious, is that's sharing what God has done for you, you know?

SPEAKER_03 33:02

And so You gotta speak of his goodness and his mercy.

SPEAKER_05 33:07

Yeah, yeah. And so with that, I'm really trying to change how I think about, you know, moments like that where I really kind of shrink back and I always have a butt, or I'm trying to just kind of move the comment away from me because it makes me feel uncomfortable. Is yeah, I'm grateful. The Lord gave me that. The Lord brought me out in that one bedroom apartment. Yeah, so I'm grateful for it. I'm grateful for it.

Dope Or Nope Relationship Rules

SPEAKER_03 33:33

So let's get into it. Dope or nope?

unknown 33:38

All right, all right.

SPEAKER_03 33:39

All right, all right. So shrinking yourself to be chosen, dope or nope? Always a note, always a note, because for me, that's self-sabotage, so it's definitely a note for me.

SPEAKER_05 33:55

Yeah, I don't want to go back to that place.

SPEAKER_03 33:57

I ain't going back. Dating someone that's intimidated by your money or success.

SPEAKER_05 34:05

So um that is a not applicable, that does not apply to uh question.

SPEAKER_03 34:13

But just in case, just in case, and and not, you know, we trying to help somebody, we trying to help people help. Help somebody along the way, Jesus. So if you were dating, if this was BS B4 Shantae, would you date someone that is intimidated by your money or success?

SPEAKER_04 34:38

No, ma'am. No, ma'am. Uh-uh, no, ma'am.

SPEAKER_03 34:43

Okay, that that would also be a note for me as well. Because you're starting off with issues, with problems. So I agree. Dating someone just because they admired your career due to popularity, attention, etc. No, ma'am saying that would be a note for me as well. Because now I feel like, do you really want to be with me or are you in it for all the wrong reasons? All right. Because what happens when the popularity is gone? Right. What happens when people are not clapping anymore?

SPEAKER_04 35:19

Correct.

SPEAKER_03 35:19

What happens when the cameras are off? Right. I need to know that you're down right for me. That we got this.

SPEAKER_04 35:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 35:28

Locked in, locked in. Uh being single over 35 and thriving, dope or nope.

SPEAKER_01 35:39

Dope.

SPEAKER_05 35:42

Dope. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 35:43

Because there are people out there that are doing it.

SPEAKER_05 35:45

Listen, a lot of folks I went to school with, a lot of women, uh, black women are single, enjoying life. Uh, you know, believe it or not, are not thinking about children and missing anything. If they don't have children and if they're not mothers, is they're enjoying life and they're happy and they have joy and peace. Period.

SPEAKER_03 36:07

I mean, it's one of those things that everybody, again, the definition of success and happiness and love and joy is different for everybody. Right, right. Me personally, I can't see my life without my children. Um, and there are people out there that not even thinking about kids. So, you know, I get it. Whatever works for you, do you, boo.

SPEAKER_04 36:29

Right, right.

SPEAKER_03 36:30

Do you. All right. So setting boundaries around your work hours in dating. Dope or nope? Dope. Why do you think that's dope? Uh because you know, I believe in work-life balance.

SPEAKER_05 36:43

So Yeah, that's healthy. That's healthy. Is it at a certain point you have to stop? At a certain point, things have got to be cut off because you have to nurture this other side of you. Yeah. How can you give to your girlfriend, boyfriend, spouse, fiance, whatever it is, if you tapped out from work?

SPEAKER_03 37:05

They say when you pour from an empty job.

SPEAKER_05 37:08

Yeah, you can't. You can't. You can't. So, no, that's dope. Got to.

SPEAKER_03 37:12

Yeah. I I believe in work-life balance. Yeah, you got to make sure that you're in tune with your whole self.

SPEAKER_01 37:21

Correct.

SPEAKER_03 37:22

So, yeah, feed the whole self.

SPEAKER_01 37:24

Right.

SPEAKER_03 37:24

Do you think like marriage is, I know we've been talking about success, and we know that for some people, marriage is like success. So, do you think marriage is like um a milestone? Or do you think marriage is a goal? Like, how do you feel about that? Goal or milestone for marriage? Is that the ultimate goal, or is that like just I've hit this spot, now I need to just keep going because there's more?

SPEAKER_05 37:57

Uh I I think it's it's dependent upon the person.

SPEAKER_01 38:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 38:01

Um, for some people, it may be a goal where ultimately, you know, you want to achieve marriage because it means this, this, and this for you. Um, for another person, it may be a milestone.

SPEAKER_03 38:13

What is it for you? I'm curious. I'm curious since we're talking about it. Yeah. And I'm not gonna be offended either way. I mean, yeah, I'm gonna beat you up later, but no. Well, what is it for? She beat me.

SPEAKER_05 38:23

Um that's a good question. I would say that for us, for me, marriage was the next step in the journey. Neither a goal nor a milestone. It was the natural next step. And I will tell you this when I stood up there, you know, at the altar, um, I just felt like I was so firm in my decision. There was no doubt, um, no queasiness, no insecure. It was, I was very confident that I made the right decision. Even now, very confident that I made the right decision. So, you know, for us, I know that it was the next step in our journey. Right. So I don't know if that fits within, you know, the limitation of milestone or the limitation of goal.

Final Word And Next Week

SPEAKER_03 39:31

Um well, I'm definitely goals now. No, I I I completely agree. Uh, marriage was definitely a milestone for uh for me. Um, I love you and I know that you love me, but there are more things um for us to accomplish for us to do. The only difference is now is we're doing it together um as a married couple. And you know what, guys? There you have it. You know, being successful, it's your own definition. Right. You define it, you do it. Next week, we're talking about emotional safety. Yep, we're going there. We're gonna get it into it. We'll see you next week.

unknown 40:13

Bye.