II Dope Chics's Podcast

Is Love Enough?

• II Dope Chics • Season 2 • Episode 4

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0:00 | 49:32

We ask the uncomfortable question of whether love can carry a relationship on its own, then we answer it with real stories about trust, consistency, respect, and peace. With Jasmine Monroe in the hot seat, we unpack why people stay for potential, how loneliness and social pressure cloud judgment, and what “love as an action” actually looks like.
• Hopeless romantic expectations versus lived relationship reality 
• Why consistency, honesty, respect, and effort decide longevity 
• Love bombing signs and what happens after the rush 
• Being “friends with an ex” and the role of transparency 
• Staying too long due to fear of being alone and attachment to potential 
• The pressure to be married and the harm of checking boxes 
• Compatibility, alignment, and emotional safety as real love tests 
• Cheating framed through respect, honesty, and broken trust 
• Dope or nope game on common relationship scenarios 
Scan below, save the number, and if ever in need, call.


Is Love Enough?

SPEAKER_03

Today we're asking the real question Is love in love? I'm just gonna say and I'm gonna know. And where does it not say? All right. So today we have a special guest, Mills and I've been excited for this. Yay. We have Miss Jasmine Monroe here with us today. Welcome, Jasmine. I'm sweating.

SPEAKER_04

Listen, I'm typically the one asking the question. That is true. You know what I mean? That's true.

From Rom Coms To Real Life

SPEAKER_03

Switching it up a little bit, but I'm ready. So you're in the hot seat. I am. But we're all talking to each other, so don't, you know, don't sweat too much. You got this. So we're talking about is love enough? We all have been in relationships. We've done the relationship thing. We all have exes floating around. They ain't floating. They don't float. They ain't floating. However, we left the. You took the sun. I snatched all the air out. I'm just so you know, we have these exes and we think about, you know, is love enough when we were with them. Or even for people that are in relationships right now, when we think about everything that relationships tell, um, it it really begs the question, is it enough? Like, what what else do we need? Yeah.

SPEAKER_04

I always used to think that I was a hopeless romantic. Oh, like growing up.

SPEAKER_00

So you like rom-com?

SPEAKER_04

I do, and I still am like that. I'm like, I love love. I do believe that there's more good in the world than bad. Um, but you go through enough relationships. Oh, not a lot, but enough to be to shape shift your mind to let you know, like everyone doesn't have your best interest at heart. Some people are with you for the things that you have. Some people are with you because they're hurt and they're trying to get over what they trauma bonding. Yeah. So, you know, you live life a little bit, you listen to your mom a lot. Not in the beginning though, but now if she if my mom don't like somebody, I'd be like, bye. Oh. It's it's got to get the mom a stamp of approval. And it's not even that. It's just um, I guess it is that. Like, I think I think she's been right enough for me to start listening a little bit more.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, you know, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, mama's been through some things. So now we can recognize some of the things that they're telling us. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04

So that's you know, she's like my best friend. I don't know if she would say I'm her best friend or Kayla's her best friend, but I'm gonna say for this show that she is my best friend. Your best friend.

SPEAKER_03

I mean, when we get into these relationships, we are like you say, you're hopeless romantic or whatever. But I know for me, uh, if I was talking BM before Millicent, uh, you talk, you know, the person just is gonna love you and they're gonna whine and dine you, and you can tell when it's love. And then I start getting older, and I'm like, yeah, I could tell that it's love, but I need more than that. I need consistency, I need uh everything. I need, yeah, I need it all. I need the consistency, I need to be safe, I need honesty.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, respect.

SPEAKER_03

Respect, which is number one for me.

Love Bombing And Hidden Exes

SPEAKER_04

Effort. Which I learned respect is effort, effort. You gotta wake up, you gotta choose me. Um, what I realized for me is I was so used to being love bomb that I don't think being in a healthy relationship.

SPEAKER_00

What do you mean by that? I've never heard that before.

SPEAKER_04

When I meet a guy or you know, a new relationship, it's always like, let's go on this trip. Here's this gift, here's this person, here's this thing, here's this. And it's just like all of these things. And once that slows down, it's just me and you, right?

SPEAKER_02

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_04

And then you learn a person and you're like, you're not actually as good as you say you are, or you're not how can I even say it? You know, you're they're not, I I like to say none of my exes were bad people. I think that we all go through certain times in their life. I you just said that because you and just in case they watch it. No, because I, you know, like if I see you, hang how it's there's no hard feelings.

SPEAKER_00

Are y'all friends with any of your exes?

SPEAKER_04

No, I don't believe in being friends with the exes.

SPEAKER_00

Why is that?

SPEAKER_04

Because what y'all got to talk about? We done. But if business, like as an adult, you know, I know that sometimes you have to handle business together. But for me personally, no, there's no reason that I need to talk to my ex. Because if I'm spinning the block, I'm gonna spin the block. Oh, right.

SPEAKER_03

I remember uh this was like years, years, years. And she looking at me like, don't say it. You better not say it. She never knows when you're about to say that because I always go to the left.

SPEAKER_00

I have no idea which story, but I'm ready for it.

SPEAKER_03

Oh, so when I first met Millicent, um Millicent had this uh partner, business partner. And I thought, your drink is gone, you can have a drink now. I thought, you know, okay, it's her business partner, just her business partner. And it was like months down the road before I found out it was, I think it was Florida Classic Weekend. So we're in Orlando, we're chilling, we out to eat, and we went out to eat with the business partner. And the business partner at some point revealed that there was a time that more than business went on, and that it was and that it was a relationship, and I was like, you know, I've been hanging out with the with the ex basically, but they still had a very good um friendship. They still they still work together, and I was like, oh did you like where you're comfortable? I was I'm always okay. I'm comfortable in situations like that. I'm good because I'm a very secure person. Like it is what it is. Um, I just would have liked to have known. It's the respect. Um yeah, it was like, why didn't you tell me? Like, why you didn't say like you and this person were in a I guess was it a full-blown relationship?

SPEAKER_00

Or is that a question for you?

SPEAKER_03

Hello, she like this. This is your story. She said this is gonna get deep. Go ahead and it was my story uh based on my experience.

SPEAKER_00

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_03

So yeah, I'm asking you about about love being enough. No, I I'm asking you. I'm asking you right now is you know what what made you not, you know, really say anything.

SPEAKER_00

You know, so as as as good as I am in my professional life of being direct and um, you know, of course, confrontational because of what I do. Um, I think in my personal life, I become a different person. Yeah. And I don't necessarily told that person to tell me. I don't necessarily run to conflict.

SPEAKER_03

Conflict though. Yeah. You never know.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

You never know. You know. I mean, we're literally out to eat, and I I remember what she said. She made the comment. It was about four of us, maybe five, sitting at the table. You know, I have a great one. I know you have a fantastic memory.

SPEAKER_00

I don't I don't even remember this, to be honest with you.

SPEAKER_03

Uh matter of fact, we were at Heelsong, and she said, she made the comment, and she said, Oh, I've had everybody at the table except for you. And she pointed at me, and I'm looking like, nah-uh, you had her and this one in the sky. She looking, had a conversation, yeah. But but yeah, that was yeah, that was just my little flashback in my head about, you know, since we were talking about the exes or whatever.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. But um, yeah. Walk down memory lane.

Staying For Potential And Fear

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, that was memory lane, man, as you like to say, many, many, many moons ago. Yeah. But it's okay. Well, have you all ever thought about um a time when you knew that it wasn't enough, that love wasn't enough, but you stayed anyway? And and and what made you like what made you stay? I think because at some point we know.

SPEAKER_04

Oh yeah. I think I was never like before being by myself would drive me crazy.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04

Like being alone. That's in it. That's like I tell y'all all the time, like, I'm far, far away from home. Family is not here, and I do a lot of moving for work. So that loneliness, I used to like scare me. So talking to someone, getting to know someone, and you're like, yeah, you know, this is not the perfect person, but uh make it work.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, potential.

SPEAKER_04

Potential, falling in love with potential, and that is dangerous. It'll have you stuck in a situation that you know you shouldn't be in for a long time. So I think that's real. You know, it's like a plate, uh, what is it, uh, seat filler at the Oscars.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. So so what is it? Like, what did the person actually do or didn't do or say or didn't say that you were just like, you know what? I know this is not real, but I'm just gonna I think I'm always ready to give it a chance.

SPEAKER_04

Like, because if I like you, there's something there. But I am so kind and I always think like I would want to know if if this wasn't enough. You know, yeah. So I would say like rip the band-aid off before it's like you're a year or two or three years, or even marry to someone that you don't want to be with, just because in in my industry, they I feel like honestly, they look at you sideways for not being married if you're sitting on that and shoot, that's a lot of industries. Yeah, like it's like the trust level. Like you no one knows to trust you because you're not married, you don't have any kids, so we can't really have a conversation, or you don't really understand what it means when it says when you say, like, oh, it's Christmas time, I gotta get home to my family, or the connection level. Um, so I dealt with a lot of that more than anything.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's understandable.

SPEAKER_03

I think for me is it was the communication and how uh one of my past relationships for Melissa BM, BM, um, communication is key for me. And I feel like if you tell me you love me, okay, I believe that you love me, but part of loving me is showing up for me, and showing up for me comes with different layers, yeah, and so communication is always key. If if we can't talk about things or we're just not talking at all. Um yeah, I was in a a relationship where I hardly saw the person. I mean, just like ships in the night. And then when we actually saw each other, it was just kind of like, okay, I'm tired. Um that that makes me feel like, do you really want to be here? Do you really want to engage with me? Do you really want to you know it's not enough? That's not like the question is is love enough? It's really not. Love is not enough.

SPEAKER_00

So and and I then was that even love. I mean, I think we use that term just so just like loosely, you know, so loosely. And um, you know, I've definitely been in places where in a whatever it's called relationship, and it just was just more like a security blanket of I just need somebody right now, you know, in this moment and this season in my life, uh, because you know, I just didn't want to be alone.

SPEAKER_03

But definitely we're in two completely different places, two completely different backgrounds, situationships, two completely different, different also now you you're getting into the am I even aligned with the person? Am I incompatible with the person?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, it was just kind of being um just out of fear of not wanting to be alone, but that alone, that alone season, baby. I needed that alone.

SPEAKER_04

I know, and it's like it's because that that there's some function. It's where you find yourself. Yeah, like it when I lived in Tallahassee was the time where it was like like legit low. Like lights were expensive to get home, family wasn't around, and then you're just like to yourself, like getting to know who you are, what you like, what you don't like, the respect level in your relationship, um, how long you stay in something. Because I started to like, you know, you start reading books and you listening to family and other relationships, and you think to yourself, you're like, oh, okay, you know what? Maybe I should um start to date. So you get out and date, right? And then you're dating, and they say, like, date everybody, not sleep with everybody, but date everyone everyone, right? And then you realize that this is not good enough. I don't connect with this, this doesn't make any sense. And you're I genuinely like the part of going home and being by myself. Like I like myself enough to just be in it and then just waiting for the right person and being patient, yeah, and really getting to know. So then when you do date someone, you're like, I'm not changing that about myself because that that one is not something that you can change because I'm gonna revert back to the manuscript of who you really are, no matter what, whoever you're dating.

Marriage Boxes And Compatibility Truth

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, when I think about my season, um I think I became emotionally attached to being married versus actually in love with the person that I'm married to. It was almost like I'm committed to something because I'm not a quitter. And for me to quit on this, yeah, what does that say about me? So I'm going to stick this out even though I'm unhappy, really don't want to be with the person, yeah, but I'm committed to being married, if that makes any sense at all. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Or you don't want to look like a quote failure. The failure part. Right. Yeah. Right.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. Because I mean, in my mind, it was like I had all the I was supposed to check all of these boxes. You know, you graduate from high school, you go to college, you graduate from college, then you you settle down, you find your person. It was like the the house with the the white picket fence, and you know, you have kids, and to feel like, oh, I'm not checking any of those boxes, any of those boxes, you forget in the midst of all of that that love's supposed to be a part of this, and I got to love me enough to know that I don't necessarily love the idea of being married, but I also don't love the idea of being married to this particular person because one, we've now grown up, we're mature now, uh, we're out of college, we had kids, and now I'm realizing I like you a lot. You cool and all, you're cool and all, but we're not compatible. But and uh you know, you like certain things, I don't like certain things. Um it's a friendship stuff.

SPEAKER_04

Like you forget that there is, it's not always relationship with the different sex or the same sex. Yeah, it's that friendship part that you skip over and you're like, well, intimacy. And it's like, no, like you like hanging with that person, yeah, and they're fun for like going out or getting drinks or talking for a little bit, but like the intimacy part just goes into a whole nother level. You're like, this is not gonna work.

SPEAKER_03

And then the respect level, I felt like wasn't there. And when I said the respect level is there's a certain level of respect I think you should have for um, you don't even have to be married, we could just be dating. Um, you leave the house at seven, eight o'clock in the morning. I don't hear from you, I don't see you at all until 9, 10, 11 o'clock at night. That's a lot of day in between that and night. And night like you don't have no type of respect for me to even pick up the phone and say, hey, it's 12 noon, it's lunchtime. I'm not asking you to call me every hour on the hour, but do you have just a level of respect for me just to call and say, Are you okay? Are you okay? Yeah, are you alive? Are you right? Did you eat? Oh my god.

SPEAKER_04

My love language is did you eat?

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. So like that really, and I don't know.

SPEAKER_00

I don't even know if that's respect. I think that's interest. I mean, just interest slash concerns, yeah.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, but you realize that that some people don't do it. You will be talking to somebody at all for a long period of time and you realize, like, I ain't talked to them all. It's nine o'clock at night, and you saying, like, hey, what you doing? Wy dying not even picking up the phone or FaceTiming. Yeah, it's crazy. The the stuff that I dealt with.

Single Shaming And Choosing Yourself

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Yeah. I think that, you know, ultimately, um, one of the things that I have seen is just, you know, particularly in our culture, is us as women being, it's almost like some degree of shaming if you're not in a relationship. Like, well, what's wrong with you? You know, I hate that question. It's just, you know, I don't know if I would approach it that way because that's a little bit rude, but you know, and nothing is wrong, is my choice right now is to do me.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And I'm perfectly good with that. Yeah, you know, and I don't need acceptance, I don't need you to understand. Uh, there is no, I have no diagnosis. You know, that's what it is.

SPEAKER_04

I'm gonna diagnose you with like, oh my God, I feel so bad. Right. When I was when I was single, they were literally like, oh my god, we gotta find you a husband. You don't need to find me anything. I'm good. I'm living my best life out here. And there's nothing wrong with being single. Like, that's the the best part of my life that has happened. Because again, like you learn yourself and you learn the likes and the things, and then you get a chance to receive a lot of things at that time. When you're in a relationship, sometimes you can't receive certain invitations to go to certain places or sit at tables with certain people. Yeah. And you know why?

SPEAKER_03

Because maybe that person is not supposed to go with you. Maybe that person is not supposed to sit at certain tables with you or have access to some of the people that you have access to.

SPEAKER_04

Because a mentor who told me, like, um it's that's crazy that you said that. Um, I was in a relationship at this time, and I was like, I don't understand like why things aren't going away. And they're like, you have to make a decision. And I'm like, what does that mean? Like, you know, and then when you're alone and you're thinking back to what people are telling you, like, make a decision. And it's like, oh, you know what? Like, I need to leave this relationship. Like it's like in the back of my head. I know I have to do it, but I'm just the days are just flowing, and now we're months, and now it's Christmas. Yeah. And I knew in summertime that we were supposed to be over. So the moment that we did separate or break up, or however you want to say it, doors started opening. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

That's how it is. That's how it is. That's how it is. That's exactly how it is.

SPEAKER_04

And I try to tell like my sister, things like that, and my brother, and even my mom, like friends, like the decision that you have to make is ultimately up to you, no matter what it is. And it's uh I tell my sister all the time, like you have two paths, like that fork in a row. So that decision is the fork. Like, once you make that decision, you're either going down this path or that path. And that's up to you. But you still get a different outcome, but you keep hitting that wall because you're not making a decision. And that's the hardest part because your lesson comes with the decision that you make. Right. So the progress in life, you gotta, you just gotta keep doing it.

Love As Action And Respect

SPEAKER_00

But uh, yeah, who like no one ever expects to be in a car accident, but when it happens, you need someone who stands on business. I'm Millicent Daniels, and this is my city. I fight for my people. I am your attorney. Scan below, save the number, and if ever in need, call. So I think, you know, when I think about this topic of is love enough? You know, I've been sitting here and listening to y'all and I'm like, you know, we talk about respect and attentiveness and communication compatibility, but I really feel like, you know, love is really all of that. You know, is you can't separate love, this thing that we call love from respect, from attention, from patience, from kindness. You know, love is patient, love is kind, all of those. You can't really separate that because those are all really manifestations of love. Of love.

SPEAKER_02

Okay, come on now. Preach.

SPEAKER_00

So, you know, it it is so if you kind of turn it on its head, was it even love? Or was it just in that moment I needed something? But it wasn't love, yeah, you know.

SPEAKER_03

Um but maybe in that moment you you thought it was some form of love because it was more than what you initially had.

SPEAKER_00

Right.

SPEAKER_03

So even if okay, I can't even trust this person.

SPEAKER_00

It was companionship.

SPEAKER_03

It was some type of companion to keep from being by myself. Yeah, it was companionship. So I may I can't trust the person, but I'm with them.

SPEAKER_04

I also believe everything happens for a reason. So you're in those situations. Yeah, yeah. There's some lesson that you have to learn in there.

SPEAKER_00

Or a life will circle back around.

SPEAKER_04

Circle right back to the end.

SPEAKER_00

And you know, of okay, you didn't get it that first time or that second time, but maybe this third go around, you'll get it.

SPEAKER_04

Always say that. I'm like, I think I have a type and the type of guy that I was dating, and it was like the lesson. Yeah. Lesson. This is you keep hitting the same wall. What is going on? And then you take a step back and you realize, like, oh, this is not the like, I'm if you are dating to be married, right? That's what we're all doing. Dates, well, some people aren't, but for me specifically, I'm dating to be married. What is the husband that you're trying to emulate? So if you're falling in love with the potential, if God decides to stop blessing you today and it stopped right here, this is your partner. Is that who you want to spend the rest of your life with? So that's how I started dating. Like, oh wow, is this good enough for me right here?

Trust, Safety, And Consistent Effort

SPEAKER_03

And right here. It sounds like you start with the the end in mind. Yeah. And a lot of people don't. A lot of people, they just they just start. Yeah. And wherever we end up, that's where we are. I know for me, I didn't, I can honestly say, and I'm I'm not just saying that because she's sitting right here staring me down, but I can honestly say that I, besides agape love, God's love, um, I really don't feel like I knew what true love really was until I met Millicent. Like, I feel like for one, it was all the effort that she put forth. Um the way she just kind of embraced the the broken parts of me and through her love, it just started to to heal. And I was like, wow, like I'm really starting to understand and really see and feel and hear what true love really looks like. And a lot of that came from just the effort. Like to me, it's almost like a Christian. I don't have to know that you're a Christian just because you're hearing a Bible around or you go to church every Sunday and it's like, oh, you're a Christian, or that person just continues to say, I'm a Christian, I'm a Christian, I'm a Christian. Love is an action. You have to show a person, and effort is everything. Communication, compatibility, that alignment um that you talked about, um being able to trust the person. Because let's think about it. Can we really survive in a relationship or can we really say it's love if we can't trust? No. Hard now. It's definitely a hard note. So to me, I was like, man, I could trust her. You know, I don't have to snoop through the phone and she talks to I don't know how many people in the course of a day. She could be talking to anybody. But I have uh a level of trust that I feel as though I don't have to to check or snoop or listen close by.

SPEAKER_04

Like what is it? So because you say all of the things, but there's something that she does that makes you feel like you don't have to do those.

SPEAKER_03

Um it's it's very hard to describe because I mean it's because it's just who she is and a part of her and the way I think that she loves me, I think it all just happens naturally. And so it's just really hard to to describe this this type of love. I guess if I sat here and really pondered on it long enough, I would say she's doing all the things that we're sitting here uh talking about. I feel like we're compatible, I feel like we do um communicate. I have emotional safety here. I can I can talk and be open and candid about anything and not feel like it's going to be uh a huge blow up. Um we have the the trust. Yeah, I think I yeah, she's she's really my bestie.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I think for me is, you know, at this point we live a summer life. You know, we've we've experienced different things, met a lot of different people.

SPEAKER_04

They only 21, y'all.

Searching For Healthy Relationship Models

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I know, right? But, you know, is I think back to experiences that I've had and just how crushed I felt, you know, of things that people have done over the years, and just, you know, I would never want anybody to feel that way. So um, whether it be in relationship, friendship, uh, family relationships, whatever, whatever, co-workers, because it's all some degree of relationship. So really just kind of taking those as the non-examples and saying, okay, well, in this, this is how I'm gonna show up. Because I would never want her to feel this way. I would never want her to feel like she has to pick up my phone and look through the phone log and the text log and read my email and just, you know, if we don't have that, it's nothing really, you know. So just um really taking those things as non-examples and trying to really practice that in my daily life of through our relationships, through my friendships, through um how I relate to my co-workers and and talk with them, of just trying to show up and be the best person I can be and treat others the way I want to be treated.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, it's those healthy relationships. Yeah, yeah. But I've been around people and you know, dating or married or whatever, and you look at their relationship, and you know, no judgment here to each his own. But it's like, man, you am I really seeing real love? And just because you see what you're just saying, you say. Are you seeing time? And and just because it's it may be real doesn't mean it's right. Like, those are some of the thoughts, I guess, that's always going through my head. Of I don't know.

SPEAKER_04

For me, I like thinking about it growing up, I didn't have that picture of a of a healthy relationship. So I knew what love was. I always knew what love was because my mom loved me and my dad loved me. Like I knew I knew what love was. So I could date and know what it is, but would you say like you knew who to emulate in the relationships growing up because there was no successful marriage that I saw. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. And I think like the older I got, the more I realized that, and the more people I realized that I had to go find and be around in different rooms of people who are married. So you learn the things. And then my mom got married later in life. So it's it's um, I think it helps me because she was so comfortable with like, oh, it ain't no issue that you ain't married. You still gonna go to school, you still gonna accomplish these things, you could have kids if you want to. She pushed don't have kids until you're married. Right. But it's it's like those important things. I think for me, I think that was the hardest part of not having anyone to emulate. Like you see it on TV and you're like, oh, you know, yeah, that's TV. But like people that I was around, and it wasn't honestly until I moved to Cleveland. I have a friend, her name is Alicia Sparks. Um, Alicia Sparks, and her and her husband, I was like, wow, like that's like a healthy form of love, yeah, of how he just showed up for her. So I'm like, wow, that's something that I do want. Like, I I I saw myself like I could do it. If it looks like that, I could do it. I'm okay with that. Yeah. So I think people need to be around more people who are healthy marriages, like honest marriages and things like that. But it was a long time until I saw someone who was like walking down the aisle. We were in plenty of weddings, but it was not healthy.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03

You can see the the toxic toxicity. Yes, thank you. You can see that. And I think I remember I had this uh picture of what a healthy relationship looked like full of love. And then later on down the line, I overheard a conversation and I was crushed because I heard that the the husband wasn't being faithful to the wife, and that crushed me because I was like, man, that was my example. And I'm like, if they're not, you know, a healthy relationship, I just lost hope because there is no other healthy relationship out there. Yeah. Um, but yeah, just growing up, uh you're right, just trying to find your way. Yeah.

Cheating, Honesty, And Boundaries

SPEAKER_04

Your way is so real. Yeah. And I think people don't realize it until you get older, until you say, like, oh, yeah, because you've seen so many unhealthy ones. You're like, I ain't doing that. I ain't doing that. And that's, you know, they cheated, he cheated. And also, that's a whole nother conversation in itself. Like the cheating part. Oh no.

SPEAKER_00

Um a man's gonna be a man.

SPEAKER_04

It's you know, but I also for me, like again, people probably are gonna be like, ain't no way. That's not my, I don't want to say it's a not a deal breaker, but it's really not on the top of my list. The top of my list is respect and honesty. Like the cheating part.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, wait, wait, wait, wait. So you're saying, as long as he respects you, Annie, you're gonna have to get down. That's a both conversation going all the way. Yeah, you have to go and close your ears. So you're okay. But if he cheats on you, I'm not okay with the cheating.

SPEAKER_04

I'm not okay with it. But I think that we do ourselves as women a disservice to put so much emphasis on the cheating part because we are made in different ways. So if you're in a relationship, no matter she's like, oh my goodness. Listen, it's like if you think about when when women this is a deal breaker, right? Like this, this, if he cheats, I'm done, I'm out. No, you're not. Most women don't leave. No, you are not. So that's not the deal breaker. No, so you could be with the person time after time and after time after again, but what it is is the respect part. When somebody starts disrespecting you, that's what you can't tolerate anymore.

SPEAKER_03

But that is disrespect if you went and cheated on me. You disrespected what we have, you disrespected me, you disrespected our vows. That is the ultimate disrespect.

SPEAKER_04

It is to me, I think so too. But I think that we put too much emphasis on the cheating part and forget about the respect part and the honesty. Like, I think that this is gonna kill me. Oh no. Like, make me like make it make sense. No, this is the safe space. This is the safe space.

SPEAKER_00

It is a safe space. I I listen, I want to understand.

SPEAKER_04

Like, I'm trying to put it into like we we talk about this all the time. Like me and my friends, it's like, um, and being honest. Like, I hear I would be on podcasts, listening to different podcasts, and it's like, oh, that girl is crazy, but it's like not so much. Like, just hear me out. So when it comes to relationships, men are set up different, right?

SPEAKER_00

How so? That that that's what that's the first part, my first question. When it comes We're made in different ways, we're made in different ways.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_00

I want to understand that.

SPEAKER_04

So, body parts, like we're we're completely different, like men, women, right? Okay. So when it comes to being in a relationship with whatever partner you want to be with, you have certain things that you know that you're gonna tolerate and which you're not gonna tolerate. When you start your relationship.

SPEAKER_03

Let me take a drink.

SPEAKER_04

When you start your relationship in the beginning of the relationship, y'all is juice. When you start your relationship in the beginning of the relationship and you say, I ain't dealing with this, and I'm not, and if you cheat on me, I'm out and I'm done, uh-huh, right? And then you decide to stay, that you have lowered your expectation for your relationship because he's now looking at you or she's now looking at you, saying, Oh, you will tolerate disrespect, right? It's back to the disrespect, the respect part. So I think that if you're in a relationship, if you tell a person that what you value the most is respect, I think they'll hear it a different way. I'm not saying it's okay to cheat. That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying word things different because people act different. But if you're honestly, I do believe if you're gonna cheat, you're gonna cheat regardless. But I'm saying in general, don't put so much emphasis on that one thing because it's really not that. Uh-oh. Like you said, when you cheat, that's disrespectful. So you're asking for respect. So maybe if you turn it or twist it towards, I want to be respected in this relationship, like I value respect. Maybe I'm not saying it's gonna happen. I'm saying maybe you may get a different outcome. A little bit.

SPEAKER_03

See, for me, I guess if you cheat, now you've disrupted everything. Everything. Yeah, everything's a lot of people. You disrespect the relationship. You've disrespected the relationship, the trust is gone. I don't feel as connected anymore. I don't feel like we're aligned. And for me, I got to have some type of peace. So for me, love is definitely not enough in this situation because now my peace is more than that. So sometimes peace will make you leave a relationship where love is. Not not saying that I'm leaving this person because I don't love them. Don't point at me. I can love you, it's not her, but I can love you and still leave because peace is telling me to find somewhere else to be.

SPEAKER_04

I agree with that. I agree it's peace. I agree it's respect. I agree peace, respect. But I'm saying, like, when it comes to cheating, it's all of those things. So in the past, have you have you stayed with anyone who has never cheated on you before?

SPEAKER_03

Knowingly, knowingly or unknowingly. Both both of them. Both of them. B M, F M. Both of 'em. Um, unknowingly, yes. Unknowingly, yes. Knowingly, knowingly, knowingly. After I found out, um Anna said, this is getting this is serious. Too much. This is getting serious. Uh knowingly, um, yes, but with an exit plan.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, right? So you so do you understand what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_00

So, so I I I believe that, okay, ultimately, no one can ever say what they will and will not tolerate. I think life has shown me enough of Come here, Pula.

SPEAKER_03

I know this is getting to be too much.

SPEAKER_00

It you can never say what you won't tolerate because once you're there and feelings are involved, you may find yourself saying, uh, you know, uh, I'm gonna give this a second chance, or maybe even a third chance. My my only concern is always, you know, we as women uh subtly or passively making ourselves so much different than men. You know, when we talk about, you know, I know we have different body parts, of course, but the expectation is still the same. The expectation that he has for his wife or his fiance or his girlfriend, as far as being in, if you're in a monogamous relationship, right? To be in a monogamous relationship, that expectation he has is that. And she should have the same expectation without it, without, you know, any type of uh uh grace for slip-ups, yeah, or being with someone else because you were drunk, or you know, so that's my only concern.

Dope Or Nope Relationship Scenarios

SPEAKER_03

I guess think about it this way: a lot of us have left relationships. We didn't leave when the love was gone or when love ran out. We left when everything else did. Yeah, we left when we felt as though this person um has crossed boundaries, and I can't tolerate that. This person has been disrespectful. I can't tolerate that. Or for some people, it's like we grow apart, we we're not compatible anymore. I still love this person, but I feel like I don't have anything else left. Yeah, we don't have anything else common, too much, too much has occurred. Yeah, so I think we we're all saying kind of like the same things. Like I love, I love this person, I want to be with this person, but I'm still here because I'm not still here because I I necessarily love them, I'm here because of time, I'm here because of maybe kids in that situation, there's stability in a situation. Um, I love what this person represents or how they make me feel. I love the idea. I'm here because I don't want to be alone and I can't afford to be with anybody else. But when love uh runs out, I'm noticing that people are are still there, yeah, but finally they'll leave when everything else is gone, when everything else falls apart, but the love is still there. I'm sweating. We didn't play the game. We covered a lot of characters. Jesus. All right, are y'all ready for dope? Oh no, yeah, Jasmine. So we play this game, dope or nope. I asked the question, and we have to decide if it's dope, which is a guess or no. Y'all ready? I'm ready. Let's go. All right, they love you deeply, but they're inconsistent. Nope. No, no, I need consistency. Y'all have an amazing chemistry, but constant arguments.

SPEAKER_04

I can't argue. Like my industry is nothing but an argument at that station every day. I need peace in my house. I don't bring the arguing. I'll finish it though.

SPEAKER_03

Oh, I don't I don't start no fight. Yeah, definitely no. Nope. See, I don't know about that one. Um, because sometimes arguments can be healthy, needed. It just depends on how you it just depends on how you argue. You be arguing with you. Yes.

SPEAKER_00

I mean, you know, it's natural in every relationship. Yeah. You're gonna have disagreements, but arguing on a consistent basis if every day or three times, four times a week in an argument, okay.

SPEAKER_04

It's a problem, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, all right. They treat you well, but you're not in love with them. Do they know them? Do they know that they treat you well, but you're not in love with them. No, I don't think that one was truthful. Tell me.

SPEAKER_00

What about you? I think it's, you know, hey, it can be dope if everybody understands that this is how it is. Yeah, if everybody has an understanding. So it depends.

SPEAKER_04

That is true. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Everybody's getting. What they need.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Oh. Yeah, I just don't know if I could be with somebody and don't really be with anybody.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, this is yeah.

SPEAKER_03

You said this is for other people. Yeah. I'm speaking in terms of game. Next question. They say they love you, but don't support your growth.

SPEAKER_04

That's my note. Oh no.

SPEAKER_03

That's a note. That's a note. That's a note. You love each other, but your lifestyles don't align. Annie, does your lifestyle align with what we're doing here? Right, Annie? You love each other, but your lifestyles don't align. That's a note. Nope. That's a note. Yeah, nope. Um, they're emotionally unavailable, but trying. Okay. Yeah, dope. What you say, Annie? Dope or nope? No? We all works in progress. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Okay.

SPEAKER_03

I say dope if they're trying. You feel peace with them, but not passion. Oh.

SPEAKER_04

Uh-oh. Oh. I need a little fat. Y'all know me. I need some passion. That's a dope.

SPEAKER_03

I mean, you know, they're making you feel at peace. They just can't make you feel good.

SPEAKER_04

I mean, I ain't gonna go there. This is is this rated RPG 13?

SPEAKER_03

It's rated I for informational.

unknown

I was good.

SPEAKER_04

So that's a nope. That's a nope. I'm sorry. I need some passion.

SPEAKER_03

Oh, y'all are hardcore.

SPEAKER_00

That's a note for you, too. I think passion can be taught. Like, you know, you could you could figure out some things to spice it up. But you know, you can figure that out. That's true.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. They love you, but keep crossing your boundaries. Nope. That's a note for me. Right person, wrong timing.

SPEAKER_04

I like, I feel like that's happened.

SPEAKER_00

And the words of Erica Badu, I'll see you next lifetime. Yeah. Uh for me.

SPEAKER_03

I guess it just depends on what makes the timing so wrong. If I feel like I'm emotionally unavailable, I I don't want to waste that person's time. That's how I am. Yeah, I don't want to do that to someone. Um, they love you, but had to teach you how to love. Dope.

SPEAKER_04

That's dope. I feel like that's happening right now.

SPEAKER_03

I'm moving on. I'm not gonna say dope or no to that one. They love you, but someone else understands you better.

SPEAKER_04

They love you, but someone understands someone else understands you better. That's terrible. You putting us in some sticky situation. Just answer the question, Anime. No, no.

SPEAKER_00

What about you? Yeah, that's a tough one. That's a tough one. That's loaded.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

That's that's that, you know. I I I got some follow-up questions. Yeah. Because my follow-up questions are really related to if that person is allowing themselves, is opening up to So like why you got this other person that's closer, you know?

SPEAKER_04

What's going on?

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. Um, loved correctly over loved deeply. Loved correctly over loved deeply.

SPEAKER_04

Because that deeply, that's crazy love. That's that you're saying you don't need to love me that deep.

Love Is The Foundation, Not Home

SPEAKER_03

And I think too, if you love me correctly, you don't need to go that deep. We're we're eventually going to go where where it needs to go if we're both loving each other, yeah, healthy. I agree with that. Um, I'm scared to even ask y'all this one. I'm I'm not going to do that. No more drinking here. So yeah, just just let's just pause and drink. So I guess we just have to continue to to say that love is just not enough. It it takes more, it takes time, consistency, dedication, compatibility, not crossing boundaries, respect. Love, we gotta, it's not enough. So all I can say is love is the foundation, but who's ever lived in the foundation? Well, we'll see y'all next week. We have more to say. Woo! Bye y'all. Stay dope.

SPEAKER_04

The hot seat over here. Be careful when y'all come to this house.