Family Vacations With Your Ex

You’ve seen the posts that look too perfect to be real: an ex-wife celebrating her former husband’s new partner, everybody smiling in one photo, kids in the middle, no tension in the room. We wanted to know what’s actually behind that kind of healthy blended family, so we brought the whole village together, Sheldon and Dee alongside Tam and KG, to talk through how they made co-parenting work in real life.

We get into the practical stuff people usually avoid saying out loud: how you introduce new partners to kids without rushing it, how you set expectations so nobody feels blindsided, and what it takes for a step-parent to support the family system without trying to take over. You’ll hear honest reflections on trust, boundaries, and the “where do I fit?” season that can hit even when everyone has good intentions. They also share why keeping the co-parenting relationship respectful makes room for stability, not confusion, for the children.

Then we go deeper into the everyday parenting details: discipline across different homes, aligning on respect even with different parenting styles, and why a real village requires ongoing adult-to-adult communication. We also talk about what it means to see engaged, present dads and confident women who refuse to compete, and how changing the narrative can change what kids expect from relationships.

If you’re navigating divorce, remarriage, step-parenting, or co-parenting with boundaries, this one offers a clear blueprint and a lot of hope. Subscribe, share this with someone who needs peace in their family, and leave us a review with the one co-parenting rule you wish everyone followed.

Transcript

Welcome And Why This Matters

SPEAKER_05 0:00

The blended family that got it right. Y'all, this is a good one tonight, and we are so excited. Today, we're discussing a blended family that many people would describe as extraordinary. Not because they didn't have any challenges, but because they've managed to create a healthy friendship with their children's other parents. Imagine birthday parties where everyone attends, school events without tension, holidays where the focus is on the kids and not their old wounds. It sounds rare, doesn't it? But y'all, it is possible. I'm sure. And I know.

unknown 0:46

And we're the two dolphins.

SPEAKER_05 1:10

Welcome to the Two Dou Ticks Podcast. Millicent, we got guests tonight, but I have been looking forward to this.

SPEAKER_08 1:17

We have the kind of discussions I have in the hair salon, in the nail shop, shop, my colleagues, just you know, sister girlfriends, homeboys, and uh this real. So this is real refreshing live.

SPEAKER_05 1:35

We have Sheldon with us tonight.

SPEAKER_00 1:38

Hello, hello.

SPEAKER_05 1:39

Nice to see you again, Sheldon. And our other guest here tonight, my Sora. We have Tam in the building. Hello, hello. And you're my friend, too. Let me not leave that out. Millicent is um joined by some awesome D9 sisters and brothers tonight. Oh yeah, oh yeah.

SPEAKER_08 2:02

I'm super excited. Thank y'all so much for agreeing to come on. Absolutely. Listen, is we this this is just another opportunity for us to engage in some conversations and we want to hear from you all because just kind of knowing you all and hearing your story, I I have just been just tickled as punch uh to have y'all on. So hopefully y'all can leave some tips and gems about your experience and help really other families uh heal and move forward and stay focused on what's most important, which is the kids.

SPEAKER_05 2:36

Yeah, I mean, so many families try the blended family um approach.

The Post That Proved It’s Real

SPEAKER_05 2:40

I know I've tried it, um, it did not work, it still does not work, but you know, we're we're here. Um so Mill and I were actually on social media one day, and we just saw like just greatness. We saw black excellence, we saw great co-parenting. And I I want to say it was when your ex-wife uh recently got married, and you weren't even the one that did the post. Tam did the post. And it was it it gave me chills to see all of you all in the picture together celebrating your ex-wife D, um, her her new union, and I got chills because it wasn't even you that did the post, your now um significant other did the post. And I'm like, wow! And you spoke so highly of D and the new union and just you all being friends, and so we were just touched by that. We were so touched. Um, not only did we reach out to you all, guess who else we reached out to? Who? We reached out to D and KG. KG, so guess who else we have here with us tonight? Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 4:12

Hi, KJ! Hey, what's up?

SPEAKER_05 4:16

Thank you all for joining us because we want people to know that this is not a hoax and that just because uh Sheldon and Tam are here live with us, we didn't want people to think that you all are just, you know, fibbing telling them some lies. So what better way?

SPEAKER_08 4:36

To have them here. To have KG and D here with us. And everybody just take note, just stop and take note in this moment. You know, stop and take note in this moment. All parties involved are people of color.

SPEAKER_04 4:51

Yeah. Can I get an amen?

SPEAKER_08 4:53

Can I get an amen?

SPEAKER_05 4:55

Y'all did for the culture, and I appreciate it. Because I mean, I remember going to softball games and stuff with my daughters, and I would see, you know, other cultures doing it. I'm like, why we can't do this? And I would see them do it so well that you didn't even know who was the mom, who was the dad. Like, you couldn't tell. Step was, yes, and that is so amazing because you shouldn't be able to. You shouldn't.

SPEAKER_04 5:20

I've always told um D and Sheldon that they should honestly host parenting classes. How to co-parents, honestly, because you don't see this in our culture. It's not what I have ever experienced. And I've dated other men that had children, but this was definitely my first healthy experience that I've that I've been a part of.

SPEAKER_00 5:40

Yeah. And and piggybacking off what you've said when you've gone to softball games and other outings and you see parents and you don't know who is the actual parent. Um, a lot of times what I've heard in my journey in this situation is uh that's more for lack of a better term. And please don't take this the wrong way, but it's more white people stuff. And I'm sitting here like, why can't us black people have just normal, mature relationships post whatever relationship we were in? So um, like you said, it's for the kids, and so I I think it's just mutual maturity and and and emotional intelligence. Maturity that will get us there.

SPEAKER_05 6:19

Definitely.

Mapping The Blended Family Tree

SPEAKER_05 6:20

So let's let's paint this picture here uh so everyone can understand when we talk about this blended family. And y'all please, D and K G, y'all stop me if I get it wrong, because I'm I'm trying to do it off of memory here. So if I was looking at the the family tree, you know how they like to post uh Nick Nick Cannon's family tree? Well, you're not really on social media, but every time they talk about Nick Cannon, they always go back and post his family tree. Now, you all's family tree is not that extensive, uh, but just to paint the family tree here that were once married.

SPEAKER_08 6:59

First, how long were y'all married? Ten years.

SPEAKER_05 7:01

Ten years. Oh my god. Okay, and then prior to D, you have another child. Yes. Okay, so we have Sheldon with the one child from a previous relationship, and then we have D and Sheldon with three. Three. Yes, three three kids. Okay, got you. All right. Now we have brought in KG and Tam. So Tam over here with Sheldon has one adult son.

SPEAKER_04 7:38

Yes.

SPEAKER_05 7:39

Okay, and congratulations. Congratulations. I hear congratulations in order. Tam is about to be a grandma.

SPEAKER_08 7:46

A glam more.

SPEAKER_05 7:49

I'm trying to think of a name. Because you sitting here looking like Rudy Huxtable back in the day. Okay, okay. And then we have on the other side with D, we have KG that has two. Well, wait, let's let a K. K, right? KG, can you hear us?

SPEAKER_02 8:10

Yes, yeah, I can hear you.

SPEAKER_05 8:11

All right, and how long was your previous relationship?

SPEAKER_02 8:16

Um, well, I have two kids from my previous wife also. Okay. So we were married two years um together for about five, and um we actually have the total different dynamic when it comes to parenting that that we have actually have been a part of now. Um I have full custody of my daughter. She lives with us.

SPEAKER_06 8:47

Okay.

SPEAKER_08 8:48

That's all right.

SPEAKER_02 8:48

And yeah, yeah, yeah. And my son lives with my my son lives with my mother in in North Carolina. So um everybody's good now. You know, it is it's never been an easy road as far as my experiences, but that's why I relish the fact that this can actually happen for people, even like me, that have never been in a position to actually have the easy road when it comes to parenting and and other parents involved. So this this is a goal of mine right here.

SPEAKER_05 9:19

I love that. I love it. I love it how we all come from different places, and you all all come from different places as far as the co-parenting situation, but yet we're here talking about a blended family that got it right.

Maturity Over Drama For The Kids

SPEAKER_05 9:35

So, how did we get here? How did we get here? How and I mean, I I'm sure it wasn't easy. Yeah, no, it was not.

SPEAKER_02 9:46

Um it actually was. If if I could say it, it actually was easy because we all knew that we are grown folks trying to raise children. Amen. I don't mean to just you know jump in, but I no, I'm go ahead. It hasn't been hard.

SPEAKER_03 10:06

Like, like by the time he came on the scene, a lot of the kinks had been worked out. Okay. And and but I but I will echo what he said. It has never been, the relationship that Sheldon and I have as co-parents has never been toxic. I think and I think that that goes entirely to um the fact that when we decided to start having children, we both made a conscious decision to do that. We were married and and all that, but we we were both ready. We both wanted children all along. We both, you know, so each of our children was was wanted, only the first one was planned, but all three of them were wanted, and Sheldon has always been very, very active and involved. I mean, I I of course I have other friends who have parents who have uh husbands and or or or fathers of their children, and Sheldon is always, when we were married, when we were going through our divorce, post-divorce has always been very, very stable and very, very engaged. And he just he loves his kids. And he's, I think that is the we both love our children. So the the struggle that I've noticed a lot of uh co-parents having is just not being able to distinguish whatever may have gone awry in the relationship and truly, truly put that aside for the sake of our kids are truly more important to us than our relationship or what what we call each other or or what iterations we go through, that's not at the forefront and it never has been. So I think that's what helped um help it was never an issue of us trying to use our children against each other or a lot of the toxic stuff that I hear that I've noticed, you know, even witnessed and with with KG and what he's had to go through, that it just never was that. So, but to your point, um, Shantae, it's not easy. Divorce is not easy. So that that part, you know, that takes some getting over and several years between the divorce and the time that I um I met KG. But always we've been able to really separate those two. And it just and and it's just it's a fortunate, it's a blessing, whatever you want to call it. It's just fortunate that we've been able to do that, and that didn't take any extra doing. So that's why I always hesitate when people say, because Tam isn't the only one who said, Oh, Yasha hosts classes, y'all should do this. And I'm like, I don't know that we have we don't have any special sauce, any magic, other than that who he is, who he is, and I am who I am, and we're both mature enough and respect each other, I think, enough on a personal level to be able to set aside whatever may be going on between us. And that's a choice. That's a choice.

SPEAKER_08 12:35

You all chose to do that. That's a choice.

SPEAKER_05 12:37

Yeah, that's a choice. And you know, you I can honestly say you all have some incredible partners that have come into what you all have already worked out and established, and they didn't try to create any type of drama or anything between you all to break up what you already had. And I see that happen a lot. I see sometimes, you know, people venture off and depending on their partner, they'll create issues that aren't even there. Yeah, and it's like, why? If we're all here to be a village for the kids, we're the new adults, regardless if we like it or not. I mean, I know we all look in the mirror and we still see ourselves as being those, you know, cute 19, 20, 21, handsome 23-year-olds, but we are the new adults, and we have to behave as such, and we have to be role models. And I mean, I've seen relationships where, you know, Sheldon, you could have gotten somebody, uh, not a Tam, but somebody that came in and tried to create some foolishness between you and D because they don't have self as high self-esteem to trust you and D to talk and co-parent your children.

SPEAKER_00 13:53

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_04 13:54

And I think even sometime coming in as someone who I also, of course, have a son, I don't, I didn't experience a healthy co-parenting relationship on my side. I kind of look at it now. My son is older, he talks to his father, it's not really a need for me to deal with him. But when he was younger, that was hard. It was too much drama. I don't like it, so I definitely wouldn't want to bring it in here. And it's it's just too much, it's unnecessary. I think maturity, as everyone has stated here, is the key. Number one. Everybody being able to be mature, being able to be healed too is a really big factor. Because I think a lot of times people are still hurt and sitting in their own feelings of what they've gone through that they can't even see the most important picture, which is the children. So thankfully, by the time you know we came into it, KG and myself, and I mean, they just always had a really good relationship. It was nothing to complain about or to be jealous about, um, understanding it was a journey because it wasn't my norm or what I've seen. Um, but I think that just comes really boiled down to us having really good, healthy, and open conversations about hey, this is how we function. Hey, we still take family vacations in the summer. Hey, we still do XY. Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.

SPEAKER_05 15:18

Y'all still take family vacations? They used to.

SPEAKER_00 15:21

They we we used to, yeah. We used to. That's still amazing that you used to.

SPEAKER_05 15:27

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:28

Family vacations. Our priority, again, it really was the kids, and to the extent that they're we we really wanted to focus on not disrupting their lives. Obviously, it's gonna be disruptive that now dad lives somewhere else and we're doing visits. They were used to having both of us, you know, complete access to us all 24-7. And so the vacation thing was just, you know, it was like a if if if I wanted to plan to take the kids somewhere, their first question is, is dad gonna be there? You know what I mean? And this was so so it was really more a matter of just trying to maintain that I didn't want them to have any um to witness any toxicity. And and honestly, even when we were married at the end of our marriage, I almost felt like it was a disservice to our children because even though our marriage, you know, transitioned and we didn't stay together, we were never fussing and fighting and yelling. And I almost feel like if we had been, maybe the children wouldn't have been so caught by surprise when it ended, and maybe that would have helped their transition. But in any case, because there wasn't any of that, they're like, why can't we go together? You know, why can't we still do this? Why can't we still do that? You your mom, your dad, y'all still like each other, we still like both of y'all, what's the problem? And it truly there wasn't. But I do think as they've gotten older, they've been able to understand more, and um, it's just not necessary, you know, so so much anymore. I mean, we we do individual stuff and the kids go and they do stuff with their friends and all that, so we still try to like spend holidays, at least some portion of it where they get everybody gets to see everybody. But we've kind of I don't think we we've not done a trip in a while.

SPEAKER_02 16:55

But I I was just talking to Shelton and we were talking about uh actual doing a whole deal family trip with everybody in all and and that's not something that that that that as well I would love that you know looking at me, you know what I mean? We just have happen to share a common name denominator that the of a woman that I love to the end of time, but at the end of time, like we we can do those things, you know what I mean? Like like when when when we show up for for for certain events, it's all us. It's not a question of of who's gonna attend or who ain't, you know what I mean? Like like we plan things together, you know what I mean? And and and that's not um like y'all about to make me cry because I didn't see anybody.

SPEAKER_05 17:50

I didn't see that even um my parents were divorced. I mean, my dad is no longer with us, but before he died, um my parents weren't together. And I never forget my baby brother when he graduated from high school. We all went to the graduation. My dad sat on one side with his new wife and her kids, and we all sat on another side in the stands with my mom. It was all of us. And the one thing that I remember my brother said stating that evening, because he ended up, remember, he rode in the car with us. Dang, we've been together a long time. I know, I remember, I know exactly what you're about to say. He literally got in the car with us and he said, It really hurt my feelings when I walked across that stage, grabbed my diploma, he could hear us yelling. He said, but when he looked in those stands and saw his family split and we were sitting in two different places, he said that broke his heart. And it broke my heart as his big sister at the time, you know, and I was like, what, 30 something? And I was like, man, and and that really bothered him. And at that time, he was 18 years old. 18 years old, and his feelings on his graduation day, yeah, the effect that it had on the church.

SPEAKER_08 19:12

The effect that it had on children or saying all of the arguments and the fighting, and then kids grow up to think that that's the no-and so they end up either running to it or running around. Running from it. Uh many times running into those same type of toxic relationships. Some losses change your life and should never be ignored. If your family lost someone because of negligence, I'll stand on business for you. This is my city. I fight for my people. I am your attorney. Scan below, save the number, and if ever in need, call.

SPEAKER_05 19:51

And kids always until the end of time, as you stated, um, KG, kids are gonna always need their moms, they're gonna always need their dads. And me as a 22-year-old in the hospital giving birth to my daughter, I never forget my dad showed up and he showed up with his partner at the time. My mom refused to be at that hospital. I mean, I'm laying there literally trying to give birth to my daughter. My parents that were divorced at the time, they were literally fighting and arguing about who was gonna be at the hospital, who had to leave. My mom wanted my dad to leave because he showed up with his partner at the time. She didn't want him there with her. And I'm sitting there like, I'm trying to have a baby over there. And it was my first baby. I was not the focus. Their new grandchild. And that's my memory, and that will forever be my memory. Even until that evening time, I remember my daughter's dad's uh calling me on the cell phone. I'm laying there. He had to leave me at the hospital to go play referee back at our house. And he ended up coming back to the hospital and he said, Everything is fine now. And I said, Well, what's going on? He said, Your dad left. I'm laying in the hospital. My heart is broken because, you know, I want both of my parents here. I want them to not only be here for me, but I want them to meet their new granddaughter. And my dad just had to leave because of all the bickering and the arguing and the fighting that was going on at the house. So, you know, you all's story just continue to, and I'm I'm 46 now, and I'm literally sitting here getting teared up about something that happened 24 years ago. But that's the effect that it will have on your kids. But I truly applaud you all for doing it the right way, and your kids. Won't have to sit and tell these type of stories years down the line.

Introducing New Partners With Trust

SPEAKER_08 22:05

May I ask? I'm very curious to know because I have sat in the background of just doing my own analysis of blended families and you know how things play out and all of the dynamics. May I ask Sheldon, how old were your children when you and Dee? And this is really to Sheldon and Dee, how old were you all's kids when you all um got divorced?

SPEAKER_00 22:37

Nick was 2016. Nick was eight? Yep. Eight, six, and four.

SPEAKER_08 22:43

Little people.

SPEAKER_05 22:44

Wow. Little people. Eight, six, and four.

SPEAKER_03 22:48

Yeah, eight, six, and uh, three or four, yeah. Three or four, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 22:51

She was so did you all like when you decided, okay, I'm ready to date again and see other people, like, how did you introduce um Sam into the fold? How did you bring KG into the fold? Like, how did that happen?

SPEAKER_08 23:10

Mama friend.

SPEAKER_00 23:12

No, I um so I was very upfront with Tamara um regarding me and D'Angela's co-parenting style. Um, she was very surprised, and I explained to her, you know, hey, we we this is what we do. Um of course she still was in disbelief, but after maybe a few more months, she started realizing that this is true. Um and I think it was maybe was it a year later? It was a long time. Um I'm very guarded with my children. I'm very, very serious about my kids, and I don't just bring them around anybody or anybody around them. You have to mean something to me in order to be around my children. Gary, you meant something when you finally met up and so um, yeah, I think we um slowly uh you know met, and I mean they love her now, you know. She's like absolutely one of their fur favorite people. She she is loved, appreciated, and I think they share that with her.

SPEAKER_05 24:12

So, you know, and Dee does not feel intimidated, jealous, betrayed, or anything like that because your kids now love Miss Tam. They call you Miss Tam.

SPEAKER_04 24:27

Miss Tammer.

SPEAKER_05 24:28

Miss Tammer. How do you feel about that, Dee?

SPEAKER_03 24:32

I literally I I have I have been on like social media posts where people talk about this, and I I it's like one of those, I don't know that emotion where people are like, oh, and then she did my baby hair, and then she tried that, you know, take my baby.

SPEAKER_05 24:45

I'm like, baby, tell me. Tell me.

SPEAKER_03 24:50

Because the thing, I feel like when you're when you're really parenting, actively parenting children, good help is welcome. You know what I mean? And I'm not saying that she's the help, she's you know, she's Sheldon's partner, but the way she embraced my children, and you know, they I that's what I I I love that, you know, when when when they recently um relocated when and Tam relocated to Jacksonville, and the care that she put into setting up the rooms for for my kids and just make you know, like I I could not be happier. Like I just look to me, I see it as additional positive um adult influences which are hard for kids to come by and which are important psychologically for children to have other trusted adult.

SPEAKER_05 25:35

Girl, y'all got me tearing up, and where is my room? Y'all literally got me tearing up because that is that's amazing.

SPEAKER_08 25:44

And and and you know what I'm hearing, D, is what I'm hearing from you is I love the woman who loves my kids. Jesus. Let me just say that for the people in back. I love the woman who loves my kids. Because again, that is a choice. And I'm gonna stop right there.

SPEAKER_03 26:04

Wow. You said a mouthful, and and it speaks, but and true, and it also but it speaks to the respect that I also have for Sheldon because I know, you know, when he says I'm particular about my kids, like he's downplaying it, he's over the top. So I know that because I'm sure I know, I mean, I don't know all the details because we we have healthy boundaries and we don't talk about all of everything, but I know that Sheldon dated other women, you know, before he met Tamara after we were divorced and all that. I ain't seen him, my kids ain't seen him. So when he brought Tamara into my children's lives, I'm like, okay, this is this is somebody, and she has more than lived up to you know what my expectations would be for someone that he would be willing to expose our kids to like that.

SPEAKER_08 26:48

So wow. Did you all create any or was there ever any conversation uh either between D U D and Sheldon or U D and Miss Tam, you know, before introducing the kids, or you know, just a little bit of conversation or pre-meeting to introduce you to her and get kind of a little bit of a comfort level. I I'm interested in knowing a little bit more about that.

SPEAKER_03 27:23

So it's it's kind of the reverse, and I'll let Sheldon talk. Me and KG are both talkative, so we will monopolize this entire interview. But what I would say is I in general, I'm a more laid-back kind of um person when it comes to the kids. Like it Sheldon might be like the equivalent of like a tiger parent or something, and I'm more like so. When it came to, like I said, to me, it was enough that he wanted. I remember when I met Tamara was in it, she was still in Atlanta, and um we were there for our youngest daughters, one of her competitions, and we got the chance to meet and all that. The other it was not a big to-do. On the other hand, when when when KG, I was ready to introduce KG to our kids, I knew that I needed to go through the okay, Sheldon, this is who I'm seeing. You know, I want him to meet the kids, and of course, he's like, Well, we need to have a conversation, and we need to meet, and I want to meet them, and you know, all the rest of that.

SPEAKER_05 28:14

We got to meet man to man.

SPEAKER_03 28:16

Yeah, it was not that bad.

SPEAKER_06 28:19

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 28:21

I just want to get a vibe, you know? Yeah, um, not that I don't trust her judgment, I just wanted to get a vibe.

SPEAKER_05 28:27

Absolutely. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_08 28:29

Did you run a background track too?

SPEAKER_00 28:30

I did not.

SPEAKER_05 28:34

I mean, it's phenomenal, and it from the beginning, I feel like it created such a respect level, even with the kids. Yeah, a lot of times kids are brought into animosity, they're brought into uh, you know, just stuff that really kids shouldn't even have to deal with. And so from the start, the kids come in not liking Miss Tamara because they've heard their mom saying crazy stuff about Miss Tamara. Or they come in and they're talking about Mr. KG because they've heard dad talking about Mr. KG. And then, you know, sometimes the the other people, which would be in this case, it would be you and KG, you Tam and KG basically coming into a situation like, I don't know if I want to do this. You know, this is a lie. Or you find yourself in the reverse of how am I gonna take Sheldon out of this equation and just make it all about me? How am I gonna take KG out of the situation? Sheldon mute your mic and make it all about me because I don't want Sheldon to have anything to do with his kids because of how it makes me feel. And now I want it to just be all about me and my son. KG, Sheldon could have been the type, I'm gonna take him out of the, you know, make it hard for him, make my kids dislike him because I don't want another man around my children because how it makes me feel, because I'm daddy, and I'm gonna always be their dad. And how dare I'm gonna allow them to look up to another man as an authoritative figure in their life. So what you typically have, and I've heard this from um, I don't know why people like to confide in us, but we've heard so many stories where people come to us and say, you know, I just don't have a relationship anymore with my kids. And I really want my kids to, you know, be around. I want them to like my new person, but now the new person is kind of like, well, they're not respectful, and I don't like, but respect happens on how many ends? Yeah, on both sides. On both sides.

SPEAKER_04 30:49

On

Where Do Stepparents Fit In

SPEAKER_04 30:50

both sides. And it wholeheartedly, I believe, starts with the parents. Yes. It starts with with how you all interact with each other and bring us into it. It's kind of funny you say that. What you said earlier. So, as a mom myself, I wouldn't want to deal with a man who didn't have a certain level of relationship with their children. So that would be okay with me at all. So, with that being said, I definitely would not have come in and said, Hey, we'll make it about me and my son. What I will say is it was a little bit of an adjustment of because Sheldon is so protective of the kids, and it was a period of time, like a long period of time before I've met them, it was kind of like, well, I feel like I'm the person you have fun with, and then you go to your family. So I very vividly remember saying that to Sheldon, and not out of jealousy, but it's like for somebody like myself and KG coming in, what does it look like including us? Because it was hard to see in the beginning because even though their marriage ended, their family unit had not was still intact, and that was something that I didn't even know could exist, to be very honest. That's powerful, yeah. So it was it was a little hard coming in, and I I remember asking you, like, well, how do I fit in? Like, what does it even look like? Do I start going on family vacations? Girl, I would have been packing my bed. So it was a whole thing because the first year we were together and they went on their family vacation that summer. Cool, we had only been talking, it wasn't that long, so you know it's not he told me it was like this, okay. You're two come around, D, and y'all take this summer family vacation. And I'm like, I mean, so y'all staying in the room together? What this is crazy. And so here Sheldon, like, but I told you it was like this, and it's gonna stay like this. Was it hard to believe?

SPEAKER_05 32:45

Was it hard for you to believe that these two people could still talk and could still be cool and not have any type of sexual relationship still going on? Because I know as women, I'm just being candid and honest as women, and Millison and I have gone through this, so I'm gonna be candid and honest again. Um, you know, there was a time where she couldn't stand if I talked to my ex, my kid's father, because she just couldn't believe it. Ain't no way y'all ain't still sleeping together. Y'all can't still be cool and be friends. So y'all think y'all helping people out there, y'all helping us too. We all into this because we've been down that same road where she just felt like there was no way we could still be, it was almost like, dang.

SPEAKER_08 33:34

Well, there were some grounds for that. There was some grounds for that. There were some grounds for that. There were some things that occurred where there's if you're broken up, act like you're broken up. So if you see a picture on social media of you and another man.

SPEAKER_07 33:54

No, no, no, no, no. Let me just get it because you know the people, the people.

SPEAKER_05 33:59

This kind of is not about us being a KG.

SPEAKER_08 34:03

So if you see a picture on Instagram where Shantae is hugged with another man, and the thing that got me was when you got the call or a text message talking about you the the children's mother and the mother, her child children, while the mother of his children hugged up with this other man on Instagram, and I'm just like, wait, if this is done, I I wouldn't even care. I mean, it's I would why would I I mean I wouldn't even care. So that was a red flag. But even we could move on.

SPEAKER_05 34:41

But even before that, you still had, you know, an issue. Even when I said, hey, you know, uh, he's gonna be at the softball game, I'm gonna be at the softball game. He's gonna be at the cheer competition, I'm gonna be at the cheer competition. It always bothered you, and you've even said, this is why I never wanted to date anybody that had kids. Because she did not. I fit in within the unit. She felt like she couldn't fit in with the unit. And so it made me feel like I almost got to dislike this person, argue with this person, uh, go at it with this person just to make her feel comfortable. Yeah. Because maybe if she sees us going at it, then she'll know there's nothing going on.

SPEAKER_08 35:26

And you know what? I acknowledge in hindsight, my some of my assessment was correct. Some of my assessment was based upon my insecurities about how do I fit in within this already pre-established unit. Now, the other stuff I was spot on. I was spot on. Is it didn't look right, it didn't feel right, didn't feel right. But this is about Sheldon Town, Mr. K G and D. Thank you. Thank y'all.

SPEAKER_05 35:56

We're gonna bring this thing back to y'all.

SPEAKER_04 36:00

What I will say for sure is this is probably the first relationship, even though you all had your bun that you had, where I didn't feel that. Like, oh, well, how can you all really be together or spend time together and nothing is going on? But I really credit that to show them being very open and honest just with their family unit, with me coming in and how it was. So I can honestly say, this is probably the first relationship, where that wasn't a thought in my mind, like where's something going on? I can even very vividly remember a point where Dee was selling their old house and um was building her current house and stayed at Sheldon's house like during the week. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 36:45

D should be there.

SPEAKER_04 36:47

Yeah, and he was there, and he was like, Well, at the end of the day, we're the only ones that's here in Jacksonville for the children. I will say our conversations in the evenings or through the day, that didn't change. So because that dynamic didn't change, he didn't switch it up, that allowed me to be even more secure with the fact of why she was there. Her job is here. Where's she gonna go?

SPEAKER_05 37:10

And the fact that he's a man and standing up that he loves at the end of the day, regardless of divorce or not, and this is what I love and respect about you, you still loved and respect her enough that this is the woman of my children. Why would I have their mom somewhere? This is their mom, and I love her because I love my children.

SPEAKER_04 37:37

And that's really what it boiled down to, to be more honest.

SPEAKER_00 37:40

Yeah, I mean, ultimately.

SPEAKER_03 37:44

Oh, that how that house side, I did not have any intention to be on to be on Shelby's couch for a number of weeks, but I was. And that's where I was on the couch.

SPEAKER_05 37:53

Yeah, she was.

SPEAKER_04 37:54

She really was.

SPEAKER_05 37:56

Wow. Yeah. And then how was it when you would come into town to visit? We weren't there.

SPEAKER_04 38:01

I I had not even met the children at that point. I don't think I had met the kids yet. So it wasn't, it was, I would come where when Dee would not be there. And I think Dee, you were actually probably going to Orlando on the weekends. Orlando where her family is. So literally just be during the week. Her job is here. The kids are here. We still have to be able to co-parent. Um, and then if they were all gone, then I would I would come up.

Discipline Across Homes Takes A Village

SPEAKER_08 38:25

May I ask one of the things that I have seen, you know, is is I see a lot of pushing about this on social media, but this whole idea of if my child is with the other parent and my child acts up, I don't want that other spouse, you know, the non-bioparent. I don't want the spouse or the non-bioparent to say anything to my child. Is they need to call me or they need to let the bio parent know what's going on and let them deal with it. But that non-bioparent is not to say anything to my child. How do you all navigate that? Um, how do you all feel about that?

SPEAKER_00 39:10

Well, our kids are older now, and I think the uh age that they met KG at, they were disciplined enough to know how to handle themselves and how to communicate to their mother or myself if something was going on, right? And if they did something that was deemed disrespectful, I think their mother or myself would nip it in the butt or handle it. Um now with the the question where if it was just KG and let's say the kids at the house, because D had to go to work or whatever, um if something happened, I would trust that you know he's gonna talk to them um or for lack of a better term, discipline them in uh in a way that I I I think uh would be effective but not disrespectful or demeaning. Um and I think Tam would do the same if it was a situation where the kids were with her and they did something out of character and you know she had a conversation with them. Um and then of course it was shared with me, and then I'd reinforce whatever the the conversation she had was. Um and I think Dee would probably do the same and reinforce the conversation that KG had. Um but yeah, it's not uh it takes a village, and we're not gonna sit here and say, Well, you can't discipline my kids or you can't talk to my kids because we have to put these people out into the world, they have to contribute to society, and uh we can do the best that we can and hope that they take that with them and become productive citizens. Um, but yeah, we're not gonna sit here and let you act up just because I'm not there, your mom is not there, your biological mom is not there.

SPEAKER_05 40:42

I love that. So same different households, but same rules, same respect, same yeah.

SPEAKER_08 40:51

And I tell y'all something. If I am not around and Miss Annie ever acts up on y'all, if she ever acts up on y'all, I trust and love Michelle, Pam, KG, D. Do what you gotta do.

SPEAKER_03 41:07

Do what you gotta do.

SPEAKER_08 41:09

Because this is a village right now.

SPEAKER_06 41:11

It is a village. She woke up.

SPEAKER_03 41:14

I do, I I do want to just like just make a couple of comments on that because it that's that's an interesting question and interesting dynamic. Because I think between the four of us and and Tamara's son is is adult, is grown, so I don't I don't really know, but we've had conversations about because I we only have one, I have one son, and we've talked about raising boys and all that. But I I would venture to say there's probably four, at least three, but probably four different parenting styles at work here.

SPEAKER_08 41:42

Tell us more about that.

SPEAKER_03 41:44

Well, so I mean, I I went probably shortly before or or not long after the divorce. I went through a lot of like personal changes or whatever, but I kind of transitioned away from I'm not, you know, like the corporal punishment and the spanking and all the rest. I'm not into that at all. And we didn't raise them when they were small like that. We, you know, you you get a pop, you get a pop, you know, whatever it happens, but I I evolved beyond that. And then, you know, KG has a completely different style based on he's he he's from Detroit by way of Germany, by way of Jacksonville, and has a multiracial family and very different dynamics and different things at play. You know, Sheldon was raising.

SPEAKER_02 42:23

She's basically telling y'all, I got my ass beat. I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm the I'm the bearer of the ass whoop this day.

SPEAKER_03 42:38

We all agree, but we took a different approach. But the long story short is what I want to get at is that it all comes back to, in my mind, the respect and the trust that exists between the adults in the situation because we we know each other well enough, been exposed to each other enough, and have had enough in-depth conversations between the two of us and between the two of them to know what is acceptable and what is not. And there's it's an ongoing dialogue in terms of that because KG is very careful, especially with our son, because he's like, I know what it is to be a young man, I know what it is to, he has his son is 21, I know what it is to raise a young man, that's different than your girls, and it is because there's a dynamic between father and son, and stepfather and son, and then there's a new man on the scene, and now he's in our home, and you know, all the rest of that. So he's very careful. And I there's there's never a if there's anything, I would say, you know, feel free to be more assertive with the kids just in terms of telling them, hey, yes, no, you know, maybe whatever the case may be, but he would never overstep because he doesn't want to impact the relationship between Sheldon and Nick, um, our son, and he doesn't want to be like the bad guy, of course. And I don't want to be that to his daughter and son either. So we we have to it it it takes time because I think we both kind of err on the side of being pansies to an extent because I don't want to be the evil stepmom. He don't want to be the you know the the goddess coming in and So but but because we respect each other and we respect them and they respect us and we trust each other, I know that I'm not ever gonna hear any of my kids, oh my god, Tamara picked up the broom and and knocked me across the head with it.

SPEAKER_06 44:12

Right.

SPEAKER_03 44:12

You know, because I I know that that's not a a reality and the same with with you know with KG's.

SPEAKER_04 44:17

And these are also some of the most respectful children, honestly. Let's be very honest. Because I mean because there's there's not a time where I've had to even think about disciplining them, honestly. It just it just has not happened since we've been together.

SPEAKER_05 44:34

And how old are they now?

SPEAKER_00 44:37

Well, Nick, he's gonna be 18 on Monday. Um Lauren is 16 and Mai is 13.

SPEAKER_05 44:43

Okay, so 18, 16, 13, 13. And then KG, how old is your daughter that's there with you all?

SPEAKER_02 44:52

My daughter will be 17 on the 8th of August. So she'll be 18, and my son is 21. So um, you know, I I've actually like like Tam was experienced saying, I I've actually um experienced the flip side of co-parenting when everything is is is a total disaster. Um I can't remember how many times I I I didn't get to see my children because there was some some some some rift or some animosity towards our you know co-parenting. Um like I like I like I told y'all, I have a daughter. It's not many daughters that's just gonna say, hey man, I want to go live with my dad. But my daughter was with me prior to me being with Dee. So um this was uh, you know, coming over here and and me and Dee working out the way we worked out has actually benefited everybody involved because Sheldon don't have to worry. Sheldon come Sheldon come over here, walk in the house, it's six o'clock in the morning, dropping the kids off, and it's it's no issue. Sheldon come over here and I'm asking, man, what you drinking? Yeah, this is true. That is amazing.

SPEAKER_08 46:20

I love that. I love that.

SPEAKER_02 46:21

I don't treat Sheldon like her ex-husband. I treat Sheldon like the father of my wife's kids. And with that in mind, I'm like, man, we can always be cool. And me and Sheldon have never had a disagreement. He he has, you know, I mean, tightened me up on table tennis because he is a he's a very good table tennis player. You know, I have tightened him up on pool because I'm a very good pool player. But other than that, man, we we this is what I would wish for me and my ex-wife. That's a blessing. I I wish the same cage. I wish it could happen. And maybe, maybe with with years to come, because I'm always open to it. And I would really love for all of us to like really, really be together. You know what I mean? My ex-wife has married has remarried um to her wife, and and that's great for them. And but I I would just love for us to be able to do this like together, together, without, you know what I mean? Like, but like I said, um the the the the the love that we have for our kids is is is exhibited on a day-to-day basis, and and it doesn't come with a a court order, and that's important. Oh say that one more time. It doesn't help.

Changing Narratives About Black Fatherhood

SPEAKER_08 47:56

Now you just said a mouthful that's wrong. So I'd like to take a moment and and uh just make sure that everyone appreciates and understands what we have here. Okay, we have a two sets of parents that are people of color that are co-parenting children of various ages and are doing it teenagers, uh adults, and are doing it incredibly well, and have come together and said we are family, which I think is tremendous. But another thing I want to highlight is this we have two men of color who are all men dads. And what I mean by that is this we're not talking about Father's Day dads, we're not talking about Christmas dads and birthday dads, um Instagram dads and Facebook dads. We're talking about day to day I communicate with my child, I see my child, I want to know how my child is doing, and I'm interested in their response. I know their favorite song and what they like to eat, and you know, I know their going ins and comings out and their friends, I know their teachers' names, I know what classes they're taking. I you know, yeah, just just just all in and have that interest for their children. I want our viewers to see and understand that this exists. These two men are not a one-off, they're not an anomaly, you know, uh this is not unusual. And we as people of color and women, and it could be white woman, Indian woman, any kind of woman, we have got to stop the narrative and articulating that number one, a man is gonna be a man, and that there's a difference between daddies and mamas and fathers and mothers because the expectation and the ability is the same. But when we do say that and speak over our families and our daughters and granddaughters and nieces, and say those types of things, it really is what we call a self-fulfilling prophecy because then our daughters and granddaughters and nieces and sister friends grow up expecting less of their spouses or their children's fathers because they have been taught that the expectation is different. So I just want to take a moment and you know, I love that. Everybody just kind of see that this does exist. It does exist, but we've got to do our part and not enable and not allow the codependency and not if they're not doing what they're if you're because men become that way because of mamas who let them grow up in that way of enabling and making it no accountability, and well, I'll do it for them, or you know, and so those sorry boys turn into sorry men.

SPEAKER_05 51:27

You know, so and you know, speak on the women as well. We have two beautiful black women here that are not competing with each other, they're not jealous, they're not sitting here trying to one up each other of oh, well, she went and got this, so I gotta go and do this. She's doing this, I have to do this. You all are not doing that, and because of the environment that you all have set, you I'm pretty sure you have kids that feel more stable, they feel all the love. I'm pretty sure they are successful. As I know your son, um, you all's son, well, all of you all's son, is headed to fam you uh what in August?

SPEAKER_00 52:07

In October this year. This month. Oh, this month. So he's starting in the summer.

SPEAKER_05 52:12

That's amazing. And then Tam, even your son, I mean, he graduated what from college about a couple years ago. Three years ago. Three years ago, pledged alpha, a minister. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_08 52:27

So incredible.

SPEAKER_05 52:28

I mean, you all are raising some amazing children because you all are just incredible, mature adults that put your kids first, not Sheldon. I'm still mad with D because in 1980, in 2005, she did this. You know, it's like you all are like, it's about the kids. We're their village. We are who they look to, and so that is amazing. And I love to see this because not one time have you all sat here this whole time we've been talking. I haven't heard either one of you say, Well, I felt or I feel or this made me. It's like I don't even hear me, I, you all are a team, and the kids are all of you all's family. They belong to everybody because I'm pretty sure you probably go over there now and have a relationship with KG's daughter because she's there with your kids.

SPEAKER_02 53:44

Absolutely. And even took them to the movie, like they do things like like we we were a real deal family. You know what I mean? Every time I cook, it's y'all come on. It's not everybody. And even his son, you know. Yeah, met him a couple times.

SPEAKER_00 53:59

We've hung out a little bit.

SPEAKER_02 54:00

I wouldn't want to know the other way.

SPEAKER_00 54:01

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 54:02

I love this. Powerful. Oh Lord. What do you have to say about all of this?

SPEAKER_08 54:10

Oh, we need a part two on this one. I got some follow-ups. I'm like, uh, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 54:18

I and I love the fact that you all said something earlier. Um, and I think it was D and Tamara. You all talked about how you all kind of like worked, they had already worked out the kinks. So it made it easier for you and KG to kind of come in. Well I hear when you all say they kind of worked out the kinks. I hear you have two people that had divorced, but somewhere in there they healed. They did some type of healing before they could, and a lot of times as adults, we don't, I would say we don't heal before we jump into the next thing and bring the next person on. Because we need the next person to kind of be like our comfort, and and we're not even thinking about that. So, how was that healing process?

Part Two Tease And Final Props

SPEAKER_00 55:10

Well, um, whoa, whoa, wait.

SPEAKER_08 55:13

Let's save that for part two because we have a tremendous amount of additional questions. We just need to kind of keep this thing going.

SPEAKER_05 55:23

Yeah. Well, part two is coming, and we're gonna start with the healing process of D and Sheldon and KG and Tamara.

SPEAKER_00 55:35

Thank y'all so much. Thank you for having us. Appreciate it.

SPEAKER_03 55:38

Thank you, and congratulations. You're you guys' wedding was like last year, right? Tamra showed me pictures, and I was just like, I was gagged. Y'all's wedding was incredible. Thank you.

SPEAKER_05 55:50

Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_03 55:52

I see your I see, I see your your um billboard on my way to work every morning. That's a clone.