II Dope Chics's Podcast
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II Dope Chics's Podcast
Stop Settling
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You can call it loyalty. You can call it patience. But sometimes it’s just settling, and it’s costing you more than you want to admit.
We talk through the many faces of settling: staying in a relationship because you’re afraid of being alone, staying in a job because you think nothing else will work out, and staying in friendships that quietly drain you. We get personal about what manipulation looks like up close, especially when someone studies you, plays on your insecurities, and tries to convince you that you can’t be great without them. If you’ve ever ignored red flags because “starting over” sounded worse, this conversation puts real language to that pattern and the damage it does to your confidence and peace.
We also dig into why so many women are socialized to accept less, from family pressure to scarcity narratives in dating and culture. Then we flip it into action: what it looks like to choose people who want to see you win, to stop dimming your light for anyone, and to treat peace like a non-negotiable boundary.
To keep it real, we end with a fast “dope or nope” game: therapy before marriage, dating someone with no social media, refusing introductions, and splitting the bill on the first date. Listen, share this with a friend who needs the push, and leave a review. What are you refusing to settle for in 2026?
The Question That Starts It All
SPEAKER_01What are we settling for? What are you settling for? The truth, women are finally saying it out loud. What if the biggest thing holding you back isn't fear? It's what you've convinced yourself to accept. Stop settling.
SPEAKER_00I'm trying to say that you don't want to get it.
SPEAKER_02Even on my own.
SPEAKER_01Ooh, you settled. Yeah. When? Girl, not relationships. I'm just saying selling can be settling in friendships, selling in work.
SPEAKER_02That this is just the way they are.
SPEAKER_01And you know, your career. Settling in, it could be across the board and everything. So pump your brain. I'm just saying. I was just asking for a friend. Pump, pump. Asking for a friend.
Why We Stay Too Long
SPEAKER_01So have you ever felt like you stayed too long because you hoped things could change? No.
SPEAKER_02It wasn't that I hope things could change. It's I stayed too long because I was afraid of being alone. Being in something that definitely was not compatible, but it was better than being alone. So that's why I stayed.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I've stayed in situations too long for several different reasons. When it came to relationship, I stayed long because I felt like that was the thing to do. Because, you know, a family, whatever. Um as far as work, I've stayed at uh a job too long because I thought I'm good at this. There's really nothing else out there for me. Or maybe I was just afraid. I thought, you know, if I leave this, I'm not gonna get anything else. Or if I leave this, I'm gonna get out there and fail.
SPEAKER_03Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_01And then nobody else is going to, you know, want to take that chance. So I think we've all come to some place or some point in our lives where we've settled for something, regardless if it was and yeah.
SPEAKER_02And it doesn't matter how many degrees, it doesn't matter, you know, the family background you came from, it really doesn't matter how much money you make. It's it's literally um, you know, it taps into those feelings of inadequacy and those uh feelings of emptiness or just not feeling like enough.
Workplace Manipulation And Dimming Your Light
SPEAKER_02I know I've had situations in my professional life uh years ago where I was settling into something because I was just, you know, I was in a business with someone who was older than me and um who I really respected. Um and I feel like, you know, there was he was taking advantage of the situation, the fact that I respected him because he was so much older than me, and you know, he was supposed to be a preacher. But anyway, that's a whole nother story. But um, nevertheless, um I stayed in it because I realized that I was suddenly made to feel like I could not uh be great without him. Yeah, that I could not I I wasn't I could not be great, I wasn't good enough without him. And he was very comfortable with me standing behind him. Um and when I stopped standing behind him and started standing next to him, that's that's when it became a problem, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, you know, I know how to do it.
SPEAKER_01Because even in that situation, yeah, you were settling, but also it tells me that he didn't have a settled mind himself because although he was trying to make you feel as though you really and truly needed him, the truth is he really needed you, right? But you know, that's what happens in those kind of situations all the time. Oh, yeah. The person that that really needs you, they are going to go out of their way and make you feel so inadequate, make you feel so afraid, just make you feel like you're not even competent to do certain things.
Red Flags And The Devil You Know
SPEAKER_00Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_02My situation, like honestly, my whole situation really should be on life, like a lifetime movie when it was a nightmare at work. A complete nightmare. I'm talking about complete when completely obsessed with me, my life, everything going on, my family, everything that I do. You're like literally stalking my social media, just completely, completely obsessed. Yeah, that's all of this is.
SPEAKER_01Baby, at this point, if my dog gives me a red flag, you gotta go. You gotta go. You're going back to going to the pound. You are out of here because I mean, why we're in 2026 now. Why must we settle in any type of situation?
SPEAKER_02But it's the mind of people will prey on your mind, and people will sit up. Listen, I really, really need to write a book about this and and really turn this whole thing into a movie because it was so crazy. It was stuff that like people would never ever believe.
SPEAKER_03Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_02But um, I say that all to say that people will sit up and watch you and watch everything that you do because they're studying you, they're studying how you move, they're studying your, you know, how you react to things, and then they take that stuff and pray. You know, especially but in my situation. And not P-R-A-Y. Yeah, I'm talking about P R E Y. Yeah. I'm talking about P R E Y. In my situation, this is somebody who was shoot 20 years older than me. So they have a little bit more life experience, have been through, and so they sit up studying everything that you do and literally preying on all of those things. You know what I mean? Like master manipulator. Master manipulator. Well, that's what people like. And that's exactly. And so those are all of the things when I see women, men, whoever in situations where it's like, yo, did you really, did you see what he did though? You know, is did you really see what he did? This is what it means.
SPEAKER_01But you know what? In that situation, you know, thinking back on the time period that that was going on and everything occurring, I know for myself, I felt as though you saw the red flags, you ignored the red flags because, in your mind, if I ignore these red flags, um, we could just keep going. And I'm so afraid to start over. And that's what people do all the time. In friendships, in relationships, marriages, you name it, people see the red flags, and sometimes it's not that they're ignoring them, avoiding them. They don't know they exist, they know, but in the back of their mind, it's like, you know what? Yeah, the devil I know. It's better than the devil I don't, it's better than the devil I don't. So I might as well stay here, figure this thing out. Oh, yeah. Because why would I want to go out there and start over? And now I'm gonna meet somebody else with these red flags. And now I gotta sit up and study them. And now I got to study them, so I'm just gonna stay here. Yeah, and you're you're settling. And when you settle like that, you are not even so much wasting time, but the harm that it does. It chips away.
SPEAKER_02It chips away at your heart because you sit there and think about, you know, what would life be if I chose not to do this? Oh, you know. Um, where would I be if I chose not to marry this person? You know, um, oh, somebody just somebody heard that in the back. Where would I be if I chose not to um take this job? I have not married. You so churchy. Well, you so churchy, you're so turchy. But like for real, for real, because it could take you down a road and it's just like you know, I'm sitting up here dimming my light for some for somebody who just if you have to dim your light for somebody, that is not the person to be with.
SPEAKER_01And please don't ignore that because the more you ignore something like that, over time it gets worse. So if I'm and you know, you and I are a great example of that. Um, we're we go places and people may walk up, oh my god, you're the lady from the billboard. I see you and I'm driving in my car.
SPEAKER_02So wait a second, I got a billboard story for you from back in the day. Is um um the person I was doing business with said, Well, you know, I think that um um a lot of people want to see. Yeah, because he was he was challenged that I was I was on a billboard by myself, and then we had billboards together, but is more of the billboards actually were with he and I as opposed to the.
SPEAKER_01Well, that was the same thing with the radio uh advertisement. He got upset because you were the voice that people wanted to hear on the radio, and he made up this whole a lot of a lot of that was because people actually was were able to understand what I was saying. He made up this whole concocted, this whole concocted story about somebody came to him and talking about the man is supposed to lead, and the man is supposed to be nobody wants to hear you, sir. You sound like you from the backwoods. That's old testament, the backwoods of somewhere, yeah. Bless his heart, bless his heart, yeah. But that happens so much in relationships, and I say you and I are a great example of that.
SPEAKER_02Oh, yeah, because you gotta be with somebody that is willing to help motivate you and push you forward, want to see you win, and believes in you even when you don't believe in yourself, is this this topic hit so personal with me because I've done it in my personal relationships and business, I've done it in friendships, and I've done it in business. So I feel like I've hit all three, and now the person that has made me in today is I just have low to no tolerance, period. And when I see my my my guy friends, my girlfriends, friend girls in situations like that, I'm just like, oh man. Get out, get out, run now, fast as you can now, because it doesn't get better, it gets worse, better, and the longer that you stay, the more bold that I mean my stuff, my situations got so bold. I I mean, it just it he literally tried to ruin me. Now, you know, I bless the Lord because I really, really believe, and I've seen, I've stood witness to, you know, that no weapon formed against you shall prosper. Oh, it may form. And literally, and literally in him trying to to destroy me, he destroyed himself, destroyed himself, has driven himself crazy.
SPEAKER_01Oh yeah, you know, um that's what happens, um yeah, but you know, looking back on it, I can honestly say you ignored oh yeah, I stand in it, the red flags, you ignored it. I stand in it, and even when people, I'm people, you people, yeah, it's me, yeah, yeah, it's me, I'm people, even when people came to you and said, because a lot of times the person on the outside of the situation can see clearly what's going on because they're not in it, they're not attached to it. That emotional piece is not there.
SPEAKER_02Is is is is let me just stop you there. You were right, and I wish that I would have listened to you. Um, but now on the other side of it, I I just want to be very vocal about what I went through and um use my pain and my experience for purpose.
SPEAKER_01And I know I just kept telling you in it, I kept saying, Hey, don't settle. You're the star, you're the superstar. People relate to you, people connect to you, people are coming to this business because of you. And it wasn't because I was being biased. I'm looking at data, data, the evidence. Right, right. Like that's all you need is when you're tracking certain things, it's like, nah, clearly.
SPEAKER_02And see, I just I just didn't, I didn't believe that. I didn't, I didn't, I it it there was anything. No, why didn't there was an inadequate part of me and a brokenness that now I realize and I've had to really deal with, you know, I'm first generation entrepreneur. I remember when I made the big announcement uh saying, okay, well, I'm just gonna start my own firm. And I remember my my dad saying, Well, with what? You know, like what you mean? Start, but I didn't have anything to lose. Um, but coming from a background of, you know, parents who work nine to five, yeah, you know, and get that check on the 15th and 30th, what I was doing was like, they thought I was crazy. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01They thought I was literally, literally, but when you continue to hear all the time, um you know, even in your work situation where you just you just settled and allowed him to just kind of, you know, he was the the prisoner running the asylum. But it was just kind of like a situation where you hear for so long, oh, you can't do this. Oh, you you gonna do that. You it makes you question everything, it makes you question and it makes you feel as though. Yeah, yeah. Is he really telling the truth? Is he because you start to hear it so much, you start to believe it. Yeah, and that's not what you should have been believing. You should have been listening to your own voice, I was listening to the wrong voice, and listening and paying attention to your voice, because your voice was the one that should have been, you know, louder and overpowering his. But the moment they take that voice, the moment they feel like I got your attention, of you need me, you need me. It's easy from there. You need me, you can't do this without me. That's what you call manipulation. Manipulation. Yeah, that's manipulation. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02When you manipulate somebody to that point, you already know what it is, and now I see it, and now I just preach, you know, read the signs, get out, because it can happen. If it can happen to me, it can happen to your little sister, it can happen to your brother, your auntie, your mama. Um, it doesn't read the signs.
SPEAKER_01Do you think that being I I think a lot of times that when people settle, it's almost like being alone is I don't know. It's being alone is better than being emotionally uh lonely, if that makes sense. So people settle.
SPEAKER_02Being alone is better than being emotionally lonely. Okay, okay.
SPEAKER_01So when people settle, and even if it's work or even if it's a friendship, it's kind of and sometimes people just settle because of time. I've been with, you know, this person for 15 years or 20 years or 25 years. So I don't want to go anywhere. Why go anywhere? And you know, it's it may be worse. So let me just stay over here. Or, you know, the grass isn't always green on the other side. I'm gonna water my grass over here and just maybe, just maybe. And you looking like, uh, but the water is yeah, it's not doing anything. The water is not making it grow.
Why Women Are Taught To Settle
SPEAKER_01So I guess for me, and I'm I'm talking to women out there because I feel like this message is um, and not saying the men don't settle and the men don't need to hear this, but right now I just want to have a message for women as to and ask the question: what makes us settle in a situation? We settle and become okay with how our friends treat us, how others treat us.
SPEAKER_02So we are socialized. Even our families, why do we allow we are socialized to be that way? You know, from our families of you know, hearing all you have is family, you know, all you have, uh about the bloodline being, you know, everybody being down for you. These are things that most of us grew up hearing. And so we're taught to believe that and ignore the reality of the situation of what's actually occurring in our family units, you know, um with women and men, uh male, female, female, female, whatever relationships, yeah, you know, we're taught that a person or a man is better than you know, particularly for uh minorities, you know, African-American women, Hispanic women, you know, there's this whole thing around this idea that a good black man is scarce, you know, and if you get a quote, good black man, which uh people consider to be a straight black man that um what has a job, uh sometimes don't have a job, but a straight black man, then you hang on to him because it may be difficult for you to find somebody else, another straight black man.
SPEAKER_01Also, I just think we settle sometimes because we just don't think that we deserve anything beyond anything beyond what you feel like anything beyond that body, yeah, and so it's like what makes you feel like you don't deserve more? Why would you settle for if you know in your heart of hearts? And I know you and I have over the years, we spoke things into um existence. We didn't stop, we didn't settle, you know. We said, like, hey, um, you know, one day we're going to be doing X, Y, and Z. And although in my mind, sometimes I will be looking at you like, what you talking about, Willis? Like, I'm not, but you know, I wasn't thinking or I guess dreaming that big or even dreaming that far. And then vice versa. There's been some times where I've told you, like, hey, I see you doing ABC, and we're gonna get to, you know, to this place. We can't stop here, we can't settle here. And what if we did? What if we, you know, just said, okay, this this all you know there is for me. This this is it.
SPEAKER_02Some losses change your life and should never be
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Find A Partner Who Celebrates You
SPEAKER_01But you know, you keep going, and we push, you keep pushing, and you know, that's why I say it's a testament to what we have because people will come up to me all the time or come up to us all the time, like, oh my god, you the lady find the billboard. I knew that was you. I could tell by the curls in your hair, but and so if I was that type of partner, that type of spouse, I'd be like, right, you know, like, oh, why she, you know, getting all the attention or flip up? Why you to me, if you're winning, I'm winning, we're winning.
SPEAKER_02No, stop right there. And that's what makes that is the differentiator. And that's because I have seen, I've been in the company of couples where it's just like it's very clear to me that the person that you're with has a problem with your light. And they want to dim your light because it makes them feel some type of way. And if you start doing that now, you're gonna be doing that for the rest of your life.
SPEAKER_01Baby, you're gonna dim your light so much we can't see you. You dark. The lights off midnight, lights off out because I can't even see you anymore. But that's when you settle for somebody who you know don't want to see you in. Yeah, that's when you settle for somebody who you already know they don't mean me really any good. Like I'm sleeping next to my hater.
SPEAKER_02They're comfortable with me being right here. You know, they're not comfortable with any type of elevation. They want to see me at a place where they're comfortable with me being at. And that's not good in any friendship, that's not good in any family relationship, that's not good in any business relationship. It's damned from the start, yeah, and that's when you have to get out.
SPEAKER_01You sound like the movie get out. For real. Get out. You remember get out? Every time they tap that that glass, yeah, they start going into the it doesn't get any better.
SPEAKER_02And people just don't change. They don't, you know, at this at this age, then they are who they are, and you just have to believe them for who they are and make a decision.
Dope Or Nope Dating Debate Game
SPEAKER_01Let's take a breather here. No, no, let's play a quick little game.
SPEAKER_02Okay, let's go.
SPEAKER_01How little game, dope or nope. Dope nope, you know the code for my death. Nope or nope. Therapy before marriage. Dope. Dope. All day, every day. Therapy before marriage, during, during, after.
SPEAKER_02No, after for us. Well, uh after the marriage, yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01You thought I was talking about the afterlife. Dope a note. Dating someone with no social media and refuses. I'm sorry, dope a note, dating someone with no social media.
SPEAKER_02That you are dating someone who does not have social media. Did you ask why why don't they have social media? I mean, I'm not that they may make the choice of, hey, I don't want to do it. I would be curious as to why. What's going on? What you trying to hide? What you trying to hide?
SPEAKER_01Bruh, bruh. What you trying to hide? What you trying to hide? Now, if somebody says, you know, I'm just a very private, I'm very secret person, or it takes a lot, you know, to be private.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I'm very private because I killed someone.
SPEAKER_01But you know, I guess it's strange now living in the world that we live in, for somebody to not have social media. Like, I can't find you on nothing. Yeah, I can't find you on nothing. Yeah, yeah. Like, did you change your name? Like, what is going on? You catfishing?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah, something.
SPEAKER_01So that's definitely for me. That would be a note because it sends up too many red flags. Dope or nope. Dating someone, but afraid to introduce him or her and refuses to introduce him or her to family or friends.
SPEAKER_02Nope. Red flag.
SPEAKER_01That's another red flag.
SPEAKER_02I would say yellow flag, red flag. Yellow flag, red flag. I would say red, red. Yeah. I would say.
SPEAKER_01Because why, why, why? I mean, some if I don't feel comfortable to introduce you to the people the closest to me, there may be some reasons. There's some reasons why, which means that I shouldn't even be with you.
SPEAKER_02If if you had a family member, your mama, your daddy was an addict, would you say, yeah, uh, come, you know, come to this rehab or come to uh the corner. It is what it is.
SPEAKER_01Uh, you know, my mama in the crackhouse. It is what it is. Because nine times out of ten, if I'm dating you, I've already been my mama in the crackhouse. Yeah, I've already been completely I've already been completely rock. I've already been cracked. But it's not that though. For me, if I'm dating you, sorry. If I'm dating you, I've already, you know, I'm trying to start it off to where there are no secrets, no whatever. So why wouldn't I say, listen, I'm going through a lot. Like my mom, dad, whoever it is, is, you know, going through a difficult time right now in their life. And this is what it is. I mean, a person got to to like you or love you or whatever for you and everything that's going on with you and around you. It is what it is. But people will come up with all kind of stuff to not make the introduction. So it's like, why? What is it?
SPEAKER_02Yeah. I I wasn't making fun of substance abuse. It's important to let our viewers know that I was not poking fun of substance abuse. It's just the thought of it.
SPEAKER_01I didn't think that you were. Dope or no, splitting the bill on the first date.
SPEAKER_02You know, I know societal rules have changed about this. I I wouldn't mind. I wouldn't mind splitting the bill on the first date. I think it's dope.
SPEAKER_01I think it sets the tone and it shows both individuals that we're in this together. We're, you know, on the same page. I got you, you got me. You know. It's getting out of that old mentality of the man, you know, is supposed to pay. Because then what if it's two women? Who pays? The one that's supposed to be the man? No. I'm just saying, I'm just asking. What's moving on. Moving on, let me ask you this.
Protecting Peace And Hard Stops
SPEAKER_01So we know that you know we've all gone through times that we've settled, blah, blah, blah. What's one thing that you feel like this year, 2026, that you refuse to settle? I'm not gonna settle in this anymore.
SPEAKER_02I am not gonna settle on compromising my peace. Oh, I have let, listen, I have let people run me. Not everyone deserves access to your peace. Yeah, yeah. I like sad. Of even running the stuff through my mind, thinking about, you know, relationships, family relationships that are not what I want them to be. I can't do it anymore. Is I'm not sacrificing my peace. I'm not saying I can't do the family relationship. Oh no, I am not going to allow myself to be distressed.
SPEAKER_01Distressed, yeah. I love that. The woman that you're becoming, um, you can't keep accepting, you know, the old version of you and the old version that people wanted to accept of you. Little Millie. Yeah, you gotta keep moving on, keep evolving. Yeah, it's working for you. And I mean, that's really what I have to say um to the viewers. Like your piece, yeah, it's worth protecting. So I posed the same question to you. Uh, what's something this year that you we're gonna put a hard stop on it today? We're gonna stop settling. Think about it, hit us up in the comments, let us know what you decided that this year. This is it. You're done, you're not selling anymore. Stay dope.