The Good Midwife

In this episode of Birthing Beyond Borders, we explore what postpartum recovery really looks like when mothers are surrounded by support, and what happens when pressure quietly takes its place. Ama shares her journey through two very different postpartum experiences, reflecting on how the presence of her mother and community shaped her physical recovery, emotional well-being, and ability to return to daily life. From hands-on care like cooking, cleaning, and childcare to the deeper emotional reassurance that comes with not being alone, this conversation highlights how critical support systems are for new mothers, especially in immigrant contexts.

We also unpack the often-unspoken pressures of early motherhood, particularly around breastfeeding and “doing things right.” Ama opens up about the anxiety she experienced when her newborn struggled to latch, and how a lack of clear, reassuring guidance led to physical strain and emotional stress. Her story is a powerful reminder that new mothers need not just information, but compassionate, affirming care that allows them to extend grace to themselves. This episode is funded by the 4W Initiative, and the African Center for Community Development supported the production.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello, and welcome to Birthing Beyond Borders, a podcast where we share the stories of migrant moms from around the world. From sleepless nights to moments of joy, we'll be diving into the real, raw, and inspiring journeys of motherhood. Get ready to laugh, learn, and experience a range of emotions while being inspired. I am your host, Adeju Maker Lopade, and together we'll uncover the challenges, celebrate the wins, and honor the wisdom mothers carry across borders. Welcome to my community space. Ama, thank you so much for joining us today and welcome to the Birthing Beyond Borders podcast.

SPEAKER_02 0:57

Thank you so much for having me.

SPEAKER_00 1:00

Awesome. I usually would start this conversation by having our guests tell us a little bit about themselves. So, you know, what country are you from? How long have you lived in the US? What brought you to the US? Just tell us whatever you feel comfortable sharing with our listeners.

SPEAKER_02 1:15

Yeah, um, I'm originally from Ghana, West Africa. I usually would say that it's the best country in Africa in the gateway to Africa.

SPEAKER_03 1:27

So, you know, just for our listeners, we can agree to disagree.

SPEAKER_00 1:34

Yes. As long as you're not comparing Jolof uh, you know, in this conversation, I would accept that it's okay. Don't worry. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:43

Um, I came to the US in 2019 um to do a second master's program. And shortly after I came, there was um COVID, the COVID-19 pandemic, which um made it difficult to travel internationally. And so, you know, uh whatever I had planned, I had a needed to change trajectory, and which I think I think it's a good thing because um I, you know, got married and I have two wonderful kids, and I'm able to also serve my community. So um I think that whatever happened happened for a reason because um yeah, it's it's uh it's created as for my community members, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:36

Awesome. Um this is a question that I don't typically ask my guest, but what drew you to the African Center for Community Development? How did you end up there?

SPEAKER_02 2:46

So I joined the center in 2020, actually, um, because my program was supposed to be two years, and due to COVID, I couldn't travel out to do my international internship. I did it online, and then the center had um just started programming and um everything moved online. They were doing um after-school uh program with um elementary and middle school students, teaching them um you know African cultures and and you know, grounding them in the African heritage. And then um after that, just for a couple of months, and I realized that there is the need to keep serving the community. And when I came, I really sought out the African community here, and um I felt that the support I got from some of the community members and was also encouraged by them. I wanted to provide the same experience and even go beyond to um find resources that community members need and also contribute to community building, which we need the most here.

SPEAKER_00 4:13

Awesome. That sounds like such purposeful work, and I'm really excited as somebody who's worked with the African Center and seen firsthand some of the programming. I'm really grateful for the kind of work that you do for the community members. So thank you. And big shout out to the African Center. Um thank you. You're very welcome. At this point, I want us to transition a little bit um to you know talk about like your childbirth experience. And so I want you to take us through um the moment you found out you were pregnant for you with your first kid, because you know, I I don't know if the if the experience is different finding out for the first time or like you know with the second baby, but the the moment you found out you were pregnant with your first baby girl, um, what was that feeling like?

SPEAKER_02 4:59

Um, so um my first baby girl, she would be three in a month. Um I remember that you know, before we found out, we were just curious. And so um I wasn't into surprises, so I'm like, okay, I'm we're going to find out, and and um I personally I wouldn't even watch birthing videos. I even in the movie, I'll watch that. I wasn't interested in anything in that regard, right? So engage in conversations about birthing, right? So it was just interesting that like when my first baby, we my husband and I went to a restaurant, said, Oh, we should have a nice dinner, and then we go and find out. And I I enjoyed the dinner, and I we found out, and um, I was like, okay, I'm gonna have a baby. That's it. And to be honest, I didn't even start researching about it, so he was the one who started reading a lot about you know childbirth, and you know, I was like, uh, you know, this is normal. Um, I have, you know, at least even though I don't engage in those conversations, I've heard people talk about it. It's just going to be a breeze, you know. Yeah, I don't even read about um maybe pain so um throwing up in the different um stages, um, the baby's development. I wasn't even interested in reading anything. I'm like, because I had this, I don't, I think probably an infantile idea that okay, you get pregnant after nine months, the baby is born, right?

SPEAKER_00 7:09

So that was it just it just goes by nine months, it just like flies by. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:15

So that was um um I had um a pretty good pregnancy. Um, you know, I heard that some people who threw up in the first trimester or second trimester, but I didn't throw up. I I was strong. Um yeah, everything went well. So I started having like some pregnancy pains um at my seventh month. And um yeah, just a little bit, and I it was when I went into labor that was the difficult part of um the pregnancy.

SPEAKER_00 8:02

Okay, okay. Um, thank you for you know sharing your experience with us. Um, I heard you say it was your husband that was doing the research in the reading. Um, and and that takes me to my next question. I I was wondering, you know, it sounds like he was doing quite a lot of the um preparation in a sense, but you know, preparation can be in different forms. It could be reading books, it could be listening to podcasts on like childbirth and pregnancy. What kind of preparations um do you think prepared you for the journey ahead? You know, what helped, what made it difficult, what kind of things did you do to hey, maybe avoid having morning sickness or things like that?

SPEAKER_02 8:40

Yeah, I didn't do any conscious preparation except that I noticed um dietary changes. Um I started craving uh pineapples.

SPEAKER_03 8:57

I ate pineapples a lot, and I remember when um I said I started craving that my husband went to the grocery store and bought you know a lot of uh canned pineapples, like about 10 because they were on sale, and he got to the cashier, and the cashier was looking at him like it was a woman looking at him in a funny way, and he said he felt the edge to explain. He was like, Oh, we are gonna have a baby, and this is all my wife wants, yeah, yes, and uh and the cashier was like, Oh, congrats, what are you having? And he said, The baby.

SPEAKER_02 9:40

He didn't he didn't even know that he had to say the boy or girl, but he said the baby because that was a new experience, and all I would eat is pineapple and tacos, actually, specific tacos. Um, it's called lemwa tacos, so the kao tang. So I would go to this restaurant. I in fact, they knew me because I I ate there a lot, and um, we also order from them. So I you know jokingly said that the first word my daughter will say is hola.

SPEAKER_03 10:19

She will speak Spanish right away because of it is too many tacos, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 10:24

But uh um, yeah, I realized that I still, you know, there was an um what was good at the hospital was they had uh burden classes.

SPEAKER_03 10:39

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 10:40

So, you know, we went through it, some were online, some had videos. I I didn't, I wasn't really into the videos, I just wanted to go in and listen to them. And they did we did a lot of exercises that was in the last trimester, and um, yeah, but they didn't really talk about, so they talk about um contractions and and um you know preparing for labor, but I still had no idea. I've had no idea. Felt okay, there'll be contractions, it's gonna be like um, you know, a pure uh period cramps and you know of your baby, right? I didn't know that even labor could take more than 24 hours. Um you know, I sort of missed all that because I, you know, I didn't really read about it. And um yeah, I I had my my big sister had or her three kids when I was in Ghana. So I you know I didn't really I guess I was never curious about her birthing experience, so I didn't ask about it. Um they would call to check on me. I'm like, yeah, I'm fine, and yeah, so it was um again during labor and um yeah, that I realized that well no childbirth is not an easy thing.

SPEAKER_00 12:22

It's not a joke, yeah. Um, I heard you say that um you didn't like use the videos as much. I was just wondering why. What about the videos? You know, why didn't you use them? Did you not find them interesting? Why didn't you use them?

SPEAKER_02 12:39

You know, I'm someone who never liked biology. So so I thought the videos were a little intrusive. Okay, it was um lives, privacy, and um yeah, I don't want to watch what other people go through, and yeah, so that is yeah, I think getting to it.

SPEAKER_00 13:11

Yeah, that's understandable. Um, you know, I think, and and I think that that's why it's very important to have different resources for different people, you know. People have preferences, some people like to just go into these birthing classes and just listen to like the nurses or the midwives, and some people like like to see things, they're visual learners, you know. So I think that that just kind of speaks to the importance of having different options for for mothers.

SPEAKER_02 13:33

And I think that what would have also helped is storytelling. If uh I like listening to people's experiences, right? Real people. So if um there were like actual sessions where someone will come and tell about their birthing journey, you know, I will listen to it and probably could have related, but if I, you know, those videos I thought that they were just thumbed out videos and I wasn't really into it.

SPEAKER_00 14:06

Yeah. Yeah, there was no connection. And I think that, you know, that's why we're doing this. Hopefully, this would be very helpful for new moms, you know, who need that personal connection as well.

SPEAKER_04 14:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:16

Um, I want to talk about the cultural aspect of you know, pregnancy and childbirth. Um, for a lot of Africans when they move to the US or, you know, other countries outside of home, um, there are certain cultural practices that they might have wanted to follow, you know, that they probably don't have the opportunity to do so here. Um so I was wondering, are there cultural practices for you? For example, you know, I have friends who had their babies with pregnant here in the US and said stuff like, Well, there are some herbs or like things like, you know, that my mom would have given to me to just like help me prevent morning sickness or just things like that. Or, you know, somebody could have said, Well, for us, you know, we we have so-so-so groups that we attend, you know, it's just they're just like different cultural things. I was wondering, are there cultural things that you had thought you were going to do during pregnancy that you couldn't do um here in the US?

SPEAKER_02 15:09

No, no. I am a very private person, and um I have learned to open up a lot, especially thanks to my work. So I didn't even ask about those things. Um, yeah, so I didn't know about the herbs or what people do um culturally. Um, yeah, because I didn't seek out for those advice. Yeah. So it's just going through it and seeing how the experience is like, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:49

Okay, awesome. Um, and in terms of like healthcare providers, um, how did they impact your pregnancy journey and your child your childbirth um experience? You know, were there moments where you felt, you know, this healthcare provider definitely played a huge role in like providing support or providing information, or were there times where you felt, well, this experience has left a really negative impression on me, you know?

SPEAKER_02 16:16

So um I had different experiences uh with both kids. Okay. So my first uh pregnancy, I was uh with midwives.

SPEAKER_04 16:30

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 16:31

And I had four midwives that I would consult, and you know, they changed every time. Okay but one of them um you know didn't make my experience a great one.

SPEAKER_03 16:44

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 16:45

Um so anytime we went and for my first pregnancy, my husband was with me for I think almost all of the hospital visits. And um, you know, he will he was really involved, so he would ask questions. And for some reason, I felt that this midwife didn't really like us. So she um it wasn't really helpful. And um and she I feel like her the her treatment um would have had had a negative impact on the outcome of my birth, should we have had her um you know when I was in active labor. Okay. Why am I saying this? The the week before I had my baby, um, so my first child, both my kids were a week late. So the week before I had my first child, I thought I was in labor because of the contractions and the first time and um of having a baby and all that. So we um so I thought my water had broke, and I my husband, let's go to the hotel to check at the hospital, then um, you know, it just wonder. So we went and she was there, and we went to the triage, and she was like, Um, why should you come in? You know, if you are not sure that you are in in labor, you shouldn't come in. Like, how do you know it's your first time? So we felt that we it seems our coming in was a waste of time, um, a waste of her time. And um that wasn't a good experience. And anytime we, you know, anything before then, um we met her coup about three or four times, and the visits weren't great. So anytime they wanted to schedule a visit, I need sure not to go to her again. Um yeah, and so we got um so out of the four midwives, the one of them had to move out of state. So she changed jobs, and uh we had three and this terrible one. So the other two were great, and um, out of the two, there was one that I really preferred because she was very communicative, understanding, and um also you know, made as realized that you know, this is the first time, so that's real. And so I was really hoping that she'd be there uh um during labor and childbirth, and thank God she was there. So the terrible one when she made us feel that way, the day I was in actual labor, I wasn't sure whether I was in labor or not, because I wouldn't want to come and also and make them feel that we are wasting their time. So here I was in labor and I started um crocheting. I was crochet, I crocheted a hat for my baby. So I remember I was in labor. Um it started um I think Monday night, like Monday 6 p.m. And I started crocheting. And um yeah, and um my husband was doing his work, so he came out around 9 p.m. and he saw me on on all fours, and he was like, What's happening? And I said, Well, probably I'm your neighbor, I'm not sure. And he wanted us to go right away. But I said, Well, we need to make sure because this nurse said we shouldn't come in. So we stayed and um we stayed longer and around we called the hospital around 10 and they told us to come in right away, but uh we still delayed till 1 a.m. um Tuesday before going. And um when we went they said yes, it's actual labor, and um, they had to call the good midwife and uh she claimed. Yeah. And so because of that, I had after birth, um, you know, and I had my labor was almost 72 hours. Yes, it was a long and hard one, and so and I gave to God. And um yeah, so she was really, really helpful. And um it wasn't an easy uh childbirth, but I thank God and baby and I survived. Then after that, I had bacterial infection. So I had to be hospitalized for three days, um, two weeks after my baby was born. I also had bad pain. My neck, it was so my early days after childbirth was very, very, very difficult because I was very, very sick. But uh, yeah. And my second one, you know, I have my six month old. So for the second pregnancy, we decided to go with a doctor. Okay, so we'll see how that experience was like. And this doctor, she was also pregnant with her second child. And um, I had so I shared my first experience with her, and and and sometimes I asked questions and she was like, Yeah, it's okay to ask. I said, Yeah, um, you know, I'm not an expert in childbirth, so uh yeah, but she was um understanding and she will explain a lot of things, and um, yeah, and even though she wasn't there, uh, because she had given birth a few weeks before, prior to my birth, um, she her colleagues were great and I had a bit a much better experience.

SPEAKER_00 23:39

Thank you so much for sharing that. And I'm glad, you know, um you had a better experience with your second baby. And I'm also glad um that during the first um childbirth that you had the good midwife, you know. And I think that pregnancy is such a it's such a vulnerable moment that as mothers, all the support and help and you need, you need to, you need to get it and you don't need to feel like you don't know what you're doing or you're a burden to somebody whose job it is to like make you feel protected and safe and help you throughout the process. So um, you know, and I know that your situation or your story experience might not be unique to you. You know, I'm sure that there's some other women who had who have been through things like that, and you know, as women, we should not be made to feel that way. So thank you for acknowledging that and just sharing that experience with us.

SPEAKER_01 24:27

This episode of Birthing Beyond Borders is funded by the 4W Initiative and supported by the African Center for Community Development. Please check out these two wonderful organizations. Details can be found in the description below.

SPEAKER_00 24:42

Real quickly, I want us to move to like the postpartum recovery. Um, you know, I heard you say that the first few weeks after childbirth was not the easiest for you because you were sick. Um, you know, I'm wondering what kind of support um was available to you in that moment. Um did you have friends or family um come stay with you during postpartum?

SPEAKER_02 25:04

Yeah, so for my first pregnancy, it was um, you know, I am grateful for the support I received. So first uh was my husband's um support, um, very supportive. My husband's mom um came actually the very um day that I gave birth, so she got there a few hours after birth and um you know, you know, held the baby, uh visited for a day, and then she uh had to put back to work. So she lives in another state, so she had to go back. And I have my post-parents. Um when I first moved here, is um there is a wonderful family that you know welcomed me. They have been my parents. Um, my American parents here, they you know stood in for me in during my wedding. So they they were there to support me. And then uh my friends, um I have um, you know, they're a couple. So my husband and wife, they were amazing, you know. Aside God, I owe my life to them. Um, because um I remember when I had to be admitted, um, but I had my two-week-old baby. So my husband had to stay with me at the emergency ward. And so we called um, you know, our friends. They came, they both came, took the baby, and they washed the baby till and after midnight when my husband had to come back from emergency ward, and throughout the um, and I was admitted, and so it was when I came back, they would babysit, wash the baby, and uh that was that was wonderful. So I feel like I was well supported by my friends and uh my husband's family. And when my baby turned eight months, my mom came to visit for six months, and um so that was uh after my baby turned eight um a year and two months, she had to go again, and so that was also very helpful. So as soon as she went, we had to enroll her in daycare for my second baby. I was grateful my mom was able to come um a week or two before childbirth. So my mom came and before I gave birth, so that was also like for me, I feel that I've been privileged compared to my peers in my in both childbirths because I have had very good support. And uh my mom left actually a couple of weeks ago, and uh the very day she left, we took our baby to take care because we we were very grateful for the help and couldn't have without her, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:36

Yeah, like you said, it sounds like you know, you you're very lucky to have had um your mother-in-law, your mom, your friends, your American parents, and just like have a community of support. So I'm so glad to hear that. Um, I heard you talk about things that they've done that they did to provide support to you, so like washing the baby, babysitting the baby. I was wondering if there are other things that um that it provided in terms of support. So, like physical things, like you mentioned or like emotional support, how did they really like support your recovery process?

SPEAKER_02 29:10

Well, the for my second baby, my mom did basically everything for us. I so I was supposed to take um time off work, but because of the support I received from her, I thought that you know I could go back to work, you know, if a few weeks after. So I was I started working from home quite early. Um, she will help, you know, do laundry for the family, she will help clean, she'll make food. Um, yeah, she was very, very supportive. Okay. Um, yeah, she basically did everything. So that was nice.

SPEAKER_04 29:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 29:56

Um for my first baby, my yeah, the my support network was great. I just needed to um you know, get the baby washed and um provide the food that the baby would take and what was when the baby's sick, they will feed the baby, um, yeah, help. Um, you know, if the baby is not washed and the baby's with them, yeah, sure. But it was um, yeah, making sure the baby was alive.

SPEAKER_00 30:31

Knowing fully well that both babies are alive, I'm glad they did a great job by keeping the baby. That's good. Um, I want to talk a little bit about um postpartum and like um mental health and like mental recovery after having a baby. What was that like for you? Um, you know, and I know that for women who have support, um, a lot of times the experiences might be a little bit different from women who did not have like supports that you had. So I was wondering if you could talk through like just like the recovery um emotionally and like mentally, what was that like for you? And did you experience postpartum depression? You know, were you anxious about anything? Um, and if you didn't, what what do you think kind of served as a protective factor for you?

SPEAKER_02 31:15

Actually, for you know, as I said, both pregnancies and childbirth were different. Um, for when my mom was here and resting with us, um, yeah, the recovery was smoother. She, you know, I I came back and it didn't even look like I had a baby because I I jumped on a work call right away from my way back, my way back from the um from the hospital with my two-day-old baby. I joined a work call. And uh, when I came, I sort of was following up with work and um was cooking sometimes um in the early days, and so my mom decided that she made her own food better than I would I would do.

SPEAKER_03 32:20

So she started making her own food.

SPEAKER_02 32:24

Um yeah, so um mental health-wise, I think I was in a pretty good place. Um now a lot of depression, you know. I think um the most pressure I got was, you know, from work, you know, just making sure that I was able to assume my responsibilities and do my work well. That was what was most um important to me for my first uh second baby. But for my first one, I I worried a lot about what if what happens to my baby if I die, you know. The reason, as I said, I was very, very sick. I like it was uh you know, horrible. Um basically my I couldn't turn my neck, my neck was painful. Mine, I have um, you know, it's normal when we give birth, we have sore breasts because um um especially when the baby's not latching now, and my baby couldn't latch well, and the nurses that came in, I I think all that um I felt a lot of pressure from how they were teaching um lactation. Okay, so if they had said that it was fine, a newborn baby is not supposed to be full and they can survive without eating much for two days, I would have relaxed because I thought that, you know, and again I didn't take all the birth and lessons. So yeah, I thought that you know the baby needed to eat and to be well, so I thought that pressure on me to make sure my baby was fine, and everyone who came in taught how to make sure the baby latched in a different way. And so with in in my mind, I felt I wasn't doing the right thing and I needed to do things right, and so with my second baby, I just understood that. So whilst I was forcing myself to make sure my baby got um nourished, I put pressure on my neck because I really wanted her to latch and to be fine and survive. So um that resulted in my neck um hurting and basically my backbone. And I so the fourth day, I remember uh waking up in the night. We were at my husband's and I couldn't sleep, I couldn't breathe, I was just uh in pain, and so they took the baby and my husband had to go to the pharmacy record the good midwife, and uh um she um said we could get some painkillers, she gave us a prescription, yeah. My husband went to the hospital, um, the pharmacy to get the medication, and yeah, it still wasn't working because I I had this pressure on me that like I need to make sure that my baby is fine. And so in the morning we had to rush to a chiropractor, and my four-day old baby was very patient with me. And yeah, so I had to go through chiropractor visits, you know, yeah, in addition to going to visit a lactation consultant and um going for the postnatal visit and all that. But you know, I just thought that if someone had told me it's fine if the baby doesn't a lot, so it shouldn't force yourself, I think my experience would have been different. But I'm grateful for the support I received.

SPEAKER_00 36:56

Yeah, um, I I had a guest on the podcast also talk about the pressure that she felt to feed a baby. Um and she said that, you know, she wasn't producing, and so as a result, she told the nurses to give the baby formula because she just felt like she was failing at doing what she needed to do as a mom, you know, and she felt that pressure to just like make sure that the baby was not starving. Um and so um just hearing you talk about, you know, if you had had somebody tell you that it's okay, that tummy's so small, their stomach is really small and they don't need so much food. Um, so you know, I hope that that um I hope that this sentence reassures a new mom who is probably listening to this um to just extend grace to themselves and just understand that it would happen. Uh, you just have to be patient with yourself. Um, so thank you so much for bringing that up.

SPEAKER_02 37:48

Yeah, and I also want to tell new moms that it's fine to give your baby formula the first day. That is okay. Because um we are told your colesterome is the best um for your baby, which is true, but if you are not producing a lot of milk at the very first um time, that is okay. Um, yeah, because your baby will survive. And then you produce some milk, and the baby will take the colostrum and they will they will grow beautifully. But we need to again give ourselves that grace.

SPEAKER_00 38:30

Yeah, thank you so much for sharing that. Um in terms of like um culture and religious practices or religion as a whole, did that play a role in like your overall recovery during the postpartum period?

SPEAKER_02 38:45

Yes, yes. Um, my mom is uh, you know, she's pre she prays a lot. She's a very devout Christian. So, you know, she would pray, and I remember when I was even in labor and um they had so because it was long, the midwife came and said that okay, because they had tried almost everything, um, by 6 p.m. that Thursday, if the baby was not out yet, I will they will have to do a um a C-section. So I I wasn't ready for that because of at least that one I learned. I have heard that you know recovery from that, it's it takes a while. So I called my mom. I'm like, Ma, you have to pray because that time it was almost midnight in Ghana. And you know, she was also sleeping. I'm very worried because we kept updating her, and I said she should pray. That was the time to pray, you know. And um, so the I'll say that it was just prayers. And when I had my baby, um after learning how to wash the baby at the hospital, I came home and I had to do that myself. So I just I would pray that God should help me, give me the strength to take care of the baby. And I I prayed every time I was the baby, I blessed the baby. I just kept blessing the baby. And uh I think that, you know, as humans, we are powerful, and regardless of whether we are religious or not, um, we should say positive voice to our babies because um it's it has an impact on them.

SPEAKER_00 40:49

Yeah, thanks so much for sharing that. Um I guess in terms of like the resources and systems that kind of supported you during pregnancy um or postpartum, uh, what what kind of resources or systems did you use or rely on? And you know, I heard you talk about like the birthing classes, um, you know, which which you seem to have like learned a lot of things from, but did you use doulas? Did you have community organization or faith spaces that um that helped you kind of just like navigate pregnancy or childbirth?

SPEAKER_02 41:24

I didn't I hadn't even heard of doers. I wish I didn't learn about them. Um, you know, in terms of um support systems to um religious organizations. Um my first pregnancy, my church organized um baby shower, um, which was really, really nice, and I'm grateful for them. And then uh after birth, a couple of church members came by to, you know, they kept asking what did I need? Um, you know, could they help me? So a couple of people came by to um wash the baby, but by the time they came, I thought that I could do everything myself. So and because of the support system that I already had, you know, I didn't want to overuse this support because people there were the people who needed it the most. Yeah. So um I'm grateful to my church and to everyone that's um came in to give support. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 42:44

Awesome. And um, were there services or resources that um that you wish you had known about or that you wish you had access to during pregnancy or um postpartum?

SPEAKER_02 42:55

There were some of the resources I knew about because of my work and I would refer people to. Um, but I I didn't really seek them out because um, again, I felt that I was supported by my close uh you know friends and and network that I had. Um but when we did the African Mothers Hangout, I thought that you know if we had something like that in place um before, it would have been great because mothers will come together and share their experiences or network or talk, and then you'll understand what others have got have been through. So um I think that within our own community, creating safe spaces for people to share their experiences would be good. um yeah and also i think that sometimes not necessarily based on my experience because my family was wasn't into advising me on how to wash the baby or feed the baby and but um sometimes i hear that there's a lot of pressure from back home um where some people are basically told you have to give the baby water or wash the baby this way you know um you know treat the baby this way even teaching you how to um put the baby to sleep and you the mom how to uh eat certain foods right to recoup and all that yeah some i got some advice like that which were not necessarily solicited but um i i just i did what worked for me you know did work for me and uh yeah i'm grateful that what i did that worked for me was sufficient yeah yeah yeah and you know and i heard you talk about some of this unsolicited advice um i think a lot of times um you know people can be really well meaning but as a new mom it can be very overwhelming too sometimes you know when like there's like information coming from every angle and you're just very overwhelmed and you're thinking to yourself well which one should I do you know so um like you said just doing what works for you I think is definitely the way to go and you've honestly transitioned us to like our last um segment here um and I just want to kind of get a sense of if you if you were in a position I know if you had a new mom who was just moving to the US um and who's pregnant and you know having a baby what advice would you give to such women I would say that they should feel free to share their concerns with their healthcare provider. Okay so create um a midwife or a doctor they should uh share their concerns and if they feel that they are not well treated or respected they should um speak out because sometimes we when they are coming in we are new they are new to the system we don't really know um who to turn to when we feel that we are not being heard right and um things would be fatal if you are quiet so just talk to your healthcare provider uh regardless of how you what you think your question is you know how basic it is just talk to your healthcare provider and two um make good use of the free resources around there's a lot of free resources um free that you know diaper banks um actually you know free baby clothes um yeah just do research or reach out to community organizations and um seek the free resources because that's gonna help your budget a lot right and um and three um you know listen to what others experiences have been you may and we all have unique experiences right but listen and see what you would do with the information you get you don't necessarily have to follow every unsolicited advice um but just being open to getting more information would be good sometimes some people feel that you know they would rather rely on advice from back home but sometimes the people advising them may have never been to the US before probably do not understand the system. Yep and because back home as soon as you are pregnant you know probably you either your mom moves in or your mother-in-law moves in to be with you throughout the entire pregnancy or you move to your parents and they will support you but here it's not like that no one is going to move in to support you uh because um they have to go to work and right and pay their rent you know yeah everybody has their own responsibility yeah yeah or pay their mortgage right and um so it's totally different so you know just making sure that you are balancing the advice you are getting yeah this was such great advice thank you so much um and I I think you know like you said as a new mom in a new city or new country it's important to do research find out what resources are available what what you could get for free is save as much as you can because I've heard babies are not cheap.

SPEAKER_00 49:34

So you know if you can get certain things for free you might as well you know take advantage of it.

SPEAKER_02 49:40

And so my very last question to you Ama before I let you go is um what would you say to healthcare providers or organizations that provide care to African immigrant mothers um what would you say to them that could hopefully help them provide better service or care to these women I would say that um they it'd be great if they could include cultural literacy in their in their practice um you know white cultural literacy so in general um Africans are reserved when they are in a new space you know someone is new in the country or new to childbirth or new to the hospital system or even new to the doctor or midwife or nurse right so just being just educating themselves about okay um you know different cultures would be good so that if when someone is not necessarily speaking up or about what what the experience is they would be patient enough and get to with the person and their patience will help build that trust that they need to provide you know culturally responsive care because uh we need to I wouldn't say necessarily reserve but we um you know we build trust gradually and we build trust when we see that you care because you listen and you are patients with us. So that is what I would say and also um if they see that there is a certain demographic that are using their resources or coming to hospital there I think it will be nice for them to reach out to um organizations that um you know that work with that specific population or that um are related to the population just to you know have a conversation um to understand a little bit because going that extra mile is helpful for both um the well-being of the mother as well as the the the the child because uh there's a lot to navigate and even um native born um I'll rephrase um Americans who um uh who have their whole family here they still may not know everything in the system uh how much more someone who's near to the system so um I think that you know educating themselves about different contexts is fine if it's even general knowledge is helpful so that they can encourage um new mothers to speak up uh about their experiences and you know also create a channel of communication for them because communication barriers may not only be language but also um adequately expressing your need area yeah this is such a great point thank you so much Ama for um mentioning them um and um I also just want to say a big thank you um to you and the staff um staff members at um the African Center for Community Development for the work that you do for the community um again as somebody who has experienced and and seen it firsthand I am just so grateful for the work that you all do.

SPEAKER_00 53:54

Thank you for being a uh a great representation you know of what it means to show up for your community. And thank you so much for taking the time to chat with me this afternoon on the podcast.

SPEAKER_02 54:06

Thank you so much for choosing to partner with us for such a wonderful project. And I um I believe and I'm confident that um as mothers hear about um the experiences we are sharing and healthcare providers also listen to it. We can all contribute to making the system better.

SPEAKER_00 54:30

Absolutely absolutely um thank you again this is the end of this episode thank you so much for listening and have a good rest of your day thank you so much for joining us on this episode of Birthing Beyond Borders. I hope you've learned something new or felt thing in today's conversation. If you're a mom listening today know that you're doing an incredible job and as a community we are so proud of you. Please share this episode with another mom or with a friend who might find it helpful. Remember you're not alone and you don't need permission to do the things that bring you joy. I'm rooting for you. Goodbye