Birthing Beyond Borders
This podcast amplifies the voices of immigrant mothers, centering their lived experiences of pregnancy, childbirth, and postpartum recovery. Through honest storytelling, we explore the challenges they face, the resilience they embody, and the resources that shape their perinatal journeys. By documenting these stories, the podcast serves as both an archive of immigrant mothers' experiences and a practical guide for future immigrant mothers navigating pregnancy and the postpartum period.
Birthing Beyond Borders
Shared Responsibility and Surviving Postpartum Together
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In this episode, I interview a Nigerian immigrant mother who shares her raw and honest journey through pregnancy, childbirth, and postpartum life in the United States. With refreshing candor, she reflects on entering motherhood with little preparation, relying instead on faith, mental resilience, and a deep belief that she would be okay.
From navigating pregnancy without traditional cultural practices to experiencing a supportive U.S. healthcare system, she walks us through the highs and challenges of her first pregnancy. She opens up about intense food cravings, physical discomfort, and the emotional realities of recovery after a C-section.
At the heart of her story is partnership. With no family nearby, it was just her and her husband figuring things out together—sharing responsibilities fully, supporting each other through sleepless nights, and learning how to care for their newborn as a team. Her story highlights what it means to build a “village” in the diaspora, even when it looks different from home. She also reflects on the critical role of faith, community, and information. She described how a single conversation led to accessing resources like emergency Medicaid, and how intentional relationships can shape maternal experiences in powerful ways.
This episode is funded by the 4W Initiative, and the African Center for Community Development supported the production.
Hello, and welcome to Birthing Beyond Borders, a podcast where we share the stories of migrant moms from around the world. From sickless nights to moments of joy, we'll be diving into the real, raw, and inspiring journeys of motherhood. Get ready to laugh, learn, and experience a range of emotions while being inspired. I am your host at AJ McKeogaday. And together, we'll uncover the challenges, celebrate the wins, and honor the wisdom mothers carry across borders. Welcome to our community space.
SPEAKER_02On this episode of Birthing Beyond Borders, I have with me Odowayo, a Nigerian immigrant mom based in North Carolina. Odwayo, thank you so much for accepting our invitation and welcome to the Birthing Beyond Borders podcast.
SPEAKER_01Thank you so much for having me, Jummy. Really glad to be here. Excited. Awesome.
SPEAKER_02I usually start this conversation, you know, by asking my guests to share a little bit about themselves. So, you know, we know you're Nigerian and you live in North Carolina. What brought you to the US? How long have you lived in the US? What do you currently do? Just share whatever you feel comfortable sharing.
SPEAKER_01Awesome. Um, yeah, so I've been so I've been in the US for about uh four years. I came for my graduate program um in industrial engineering, and then I recently moved to North Carolina um for a new job.
SPEAKER_02Awesome. And um how many kids do you have? So I have just one at the moment, a daughter.
SPEAKER_01How old how old is your daughter? Uh my daughter is uh nine months, or she'll be nine months in a few days.
SPEAKER_02Well, that's big. Congratulations. You kept that little bundle of joy alive for nine months. I know, right? Yes. And I always yeah, uh, I always like to know what's your favorite thing about living in the US?
SPEAKER_01My favorite thing about living the US is honestly, honestly, is security. Um, I love that um to a very large extent, um, United States of America is secured. I mean, compared to where I'm coming from, to say the list.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I yeah, I can definitely understand that, and you know, I can relate to that. Um, and I'm sure a lot of our listeners can relate to that as well. So thank you for for flagging that. So I want to move to the sweet spot. As you know, this podcast is an opportunity for African Omegramoms to talk about their pregnancy and childbirth experience here in the US. So I want you to take us back to that moment where you found out you're pregnant. What did it feel like?
SPEAKER_01Okay, so my pregnancy came as a shock, actually. Um, because so um, long story cut short, I was mentally prepared, but I I didn't think it to come at that particular time, right? So um I really said it like told my husband or anybody that you know was really close to me that I would get a job, I would get pregnant as soon as I get a job. So like nobody should pressure me or ask me questions. As soon as I tell you that I have a job offer, just expect that I'll get pregnant after. So this like I usually tell my husband and people that are really, really close to me. So I got a job offer, and then so I was, of course, mentally prepared that oh, now I have a job, now I can, you know, do this model thing and everything. But I didn't know it was going to come that particular month. So I came back from a conference where I got the job from actually, and then I got really sick. So I thought it was like, you know, the journey, stress, the work stress, and all that. And then I was vomiting a lot, I was sick, you know, doing all these pregnancy things. And then I said, okay, you know what? Let me go to um the clinic. And I mean, what's the worst thing that can happen? Let me do a pity test. I did a pity test and found out that I was pregnant. I started laughing, like, like I was I was just laughing, like, you know, like not laughing like joy, like mocking myself, because I'm a very playful person. So I was just laughing at myself that wow, like I'm really pregnant, that kind of thing. So it was so it was so shocking, like, because I was really surprised that oh, it's what they will come at that particular time, like almost immediately. So, yes, I was really excited, and yeah, that was it, basically.
SPEAKER_02Okay, okay. You know, from talking with different moms, um, I've had people say they were very excited, I've had people say they were shocked, I've had people say they were like super nervous and like anxious about the journey ahead. And so, you know, knowing that you were excited about yours, what were some things that kind of helped you prepare for the journey ahead? Because, you know, as we all know, pregnancy is a journey, it's a really big and important journey. So, were there things that helped you prepare and were there things that made it difficult?
SPEAKER_01Okay, so honestly, I I don't think I did any major preparation. Like, okay. So, I'm someone that believes that generally my man tries whatever it sets my heart to do, I would date it very well. So when the pregnancy came, I just took it that okay, it's here. I mean, I'm going to be okay. So, of course, I would not deny the fact that at some point I had like maybe some you know nervous breakdown at maybe intervals or whatever, or just some days I'll be like, hey, I would like to care of this baby, that kind of thing. But I think I just I mostly dismiss it as soon as it comes. Like I'll be all right. So I didn't do any major honestly. This is me being fully transparent. I didn't do any preparation. I didn't, I think maybe one thing that I say that I can say that I did was maybe talk to a friend of mine that already experienced the same thing, like in my school, like a friend of mine. So, like, oh, I'm pregnant. So what am I? Ah, congratulations. That was I don't even think she gave me anything. She was like, ah, you'll be all right. Um, we're just joking about it for the most part, honestly. I didn't do any future preparation.
SPEAKER_02So it sounds like it was like for you, it was like a mental readiness. Because like you said, that you were mentally ready for it. Yeah. And so that might have helped, you know, just like get through the whole um period. Okay. Um, so also as you know, Africans, Nigerians, um, when you're pregnant, sometimes there are cultural practices that we do. You know, for example, they'll say, if you're pregnant, don't work at night, or if you're pregnant, don't cross gutters, or if you're pregnant, you know, make sure you're eating this. Were there um cultural practices that you did during your pregnancy, um, or were there some that you wanted to do but you couldn't do because you live here in the US?
SPEAKER_01No. Honestly, no. Okay. So uh when I got pregnant, uh, because I'm a femme believer, so I think what I did mostly was just put my faith in God. And of course, you know, the normal tell your, of course, my definitely my husband will know. I mean, we impregnated me. It's not my husband. So my husband, you know, I shared the journey, I shared the nice with him, and then my mom and my sisters, my sister actually, one, and then um my husband's parents. So, yeah, that was it. We didn't even, you know, tell so many people and all. So it was just like, oh, we'll join in prayers and all. There was no cultural practice, nothing. Um, I think even if I was a Nigeria, I wouldn't have done any of it, or maybe listen to or be conscious, or you know, don't work at night. I was just living my life, honestly.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah. Okay, well, thank you so much for sharing that. Um, I want to talk a little bit about um healthcare and like you know, healthcare providers here in the US and just like how they influenced your pregnancy experience. Um, and um, you know, did you feel supported by healthcare providers? Were there moments where you felt unseen? What did that interaction between you, pregnant you and healthcare look like?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, definitely. So I think uh to answer your question, yeah, I did feel supported. Um yeah, so because I mean this is a this was my first pregnancy. Excuse me, this was my first pregnancy. So yes, um the first clinic or hospital that I visited, you know, to do the routine checkups and all that was really supportive um questions. I they were they answered my questions very well. Um, they you know gave me the support I needed in a timely manner. And then when I moved from where I was before, you know, Virginia to North Carolina, I had to stretch hospitals. You understand? And it was still the same. I think it was even better because that was like a maybe because my insurance policy got bigger. Just kidding. But the hospital was like, you know, bigger, they had like more staff, so um, yeah. So it was like, and um, the support was really um was premium to say the least. I enjoyed it.
SPEAKER_02Okay, that's good. And in terms of nutrition, what was your nutrition like? Did you just keep eating um the food you were eating before? Did your nutrition get better? You know, did you stick to eating purely Nigerian food? What did that look like for you?
SPEAKER_01Okay, the food aspect is where it gets tricky. So naturally, I'm someone that likes to eat um hot food. So when I say odd, like you know, what Nigerians call spices, so but you know, when it's really hot, there's a lot of pepe and all that. So when I got pregnant, oh my god, it's got worse. Like it's got worse. I could not eat any food that was without, you know, pepe, a banero pepper or what we call rodo. So like it's just crazy that I it's also crazy that I would, you know, travel miles to African stores to get the Nigerian pepe, not because I could not eat the banero pepper was was nothing to me. That's nothing to me. No, what is that about what? No. So like I um yes, um, I really ate um art food, very spicy. Another thing is I was throwing up a lot, so um I could not, so that's that made me to be really um intentional about the kind of food that I ate. Because even before I got pregnant, if I ate food that um wasn't as hot or as spicy as I wanted, I was going to throw up. Like I would usually throw up. So imagine me getting pregnant. So that's even wasn't the case. So, yes, in terms of food, I was really, really um choosy. Also, um I think um, so naturally I'm not a breakfast um person, but with my pregnancy, you know, people will say, ah, it's very well low, you know, all this kind of things. And so I that was really a big struggle for me to ensure that I was eating in a timely manner, you know, I was doing the right thing at the right time because I'm a carefree person, but I needed to be really intentional about oh, this is a child growing in me, this is what I should do. And then people will say, Ha! In Yoruba, ma fatak, but like I'm at the end of the day, I'm like, it's about me. I have to survive first before you know that kind of thing. So, yes, that was a really um big deal for me, and also I really enjoyed other people's food. Oh, I was always hearing that even before I got pregnant, that oh, some people crave for other people's food. Oh my god, it was worse. Like, I would literally be smelling other people's food miles away, and then also like it's I'm not like my husband was so embarrassed, like at so many points or so many uh instances. But yeah, we're able to navigate it.
SPEAKER_02The baby needs what the baby needs, and for non-Urba speaking listeners, mafia at a formolomor just means don't kill the baby with pepper, you know, don't don't overload the baby with pepper. Thank you so much for sharing that. So, um now I want to move to the moment where you know you held your baby in your arms for the very first time. What did I feel like?
SPEAKER_00Oh my god. Um two things. Ah, finally, I'm done. That was what came to my mind.
SPEAKER_01Okay. Finally, I could not wait. It's right towards the end of the pregnancy. I could not wait to just be done with it because I think I my pregnancy was about 10 months, not the regular nine months. So it was like a bit. So you know, this there was I was nervous, I was anxious, I was people, so it was like, oh, maybe the doctor miscalculated, or maybe it's new, maybe it's because of first pregnancy, maybe because so many health conditions and all that. So when I got the baby, my husband was right beside me, of course, uh, in the theater, because I had a session. So um, when the baby came out, and then he brought it to him, I was like, See your baby, oh my god, finally, okay, next, please sew me up. That kind of thing. Yeah, so I really I was really happy, and I think I did not really um, I didn't really feel the fullness until I was out of the theater, and then you know, held my baby in my hands. Like, so as soon as it brought her out, I was like, oh my god, thank God, thank you, Jesus. And yeah, I'm done onto the next, that kind of thing. But yes, after the old, you know, um charity, the old sewing up, cleaning me up, and everything, and I got settled and then I held my baby in my hands. I was overwhelmed with joy. I oh my god, and then I really thank that, you know, I was a visible to bringing another child, another life to this world. So I felt really grateful, that kind of thing.
SPEAKER_02That's that's very beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing that. Um, you know, I hear a lot of mothers talk about, you know, like that moment is just they cannot just put words to it, you know. Um and it's just that's probably like my favorite part of the just like hearing our mothers describe the moments they held their babies, I think it's such a beautiful moment. Um, and so now I want to talk a little bit about recovery. What did recovery look like for you after childbirth? Um, physical recovery, emotional, spiritual, what did that look like?
SPEAKER_01So recovery for me. So, first, during my pregnancy, I was surprisingly agile. I was really strong. Like, and because I have like um relatively small stature, my I didn't really show. You know, my presence didn't really show until I was like seven months and thereabouts. I think I was even the one that had to tell my boss that I was pregnant. And I was already six months pregnant then. Like I had they were like, You're pregnant. I'm like, in my head, I'm like, how would somebody have this kind of stomach? So I was not really showing, you know, that kind of thing. So I was agile and um, but towards the end, it was really difficult. So I said that to say that after my birth, I was expecting, or my childbirth, I was expecting that, you know, I'll still be like, you know, still be strong at all that. But the first month, maybe because I had a seasession and all that, um, I was in what I'll call not first months, the first two weeks thereabouts, I was in in pains. Yeah. I was struggling to, you know, maybe because I have, I was already, I was expecting that after the childbirth, I had high expectations for my you know, agility to say the least. Like maybe I was expecting that maybe I was expecting my head that after childbirth I'll be jumping up and down. I was not expecting that I'll be in a position, people were giving me food, I will be crying at intervals. I was not expecting that. I was thinking that I would just you know pick it up. So that was a shock to me. So the first two weeks I was not strong, I was um in pains, you know, I had back pains, leg pains, and all that from all the injections and all that. So, but after two weeks, honestly, uh I got better. And people were even saying that, oh, you healed pretty fast, you did, you know, you recovered really early. But those first two weeks was really, um, really um, I'll not say it was, I don't know, I was not traumatic. No, it was not traumatic, but it was just um something that I I don't want to go through again. Oh, but of course I will have another baby, God's willing. But like, I mean, yeah, it's not something that I would want to experience in that dimension. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah, I understand you. Um, and I guess in terms of like support from friends and family during prosperta, you know, like when you're in Nigeria, if you have a baby, everybody's coming. Your mom is coming, your mother-in-law is coming, your sisters are, you know, there's cousins around to help you. You almost won't even lift the finger if you don't want to, you know. Everybody's like, I was I was interviewing a lady from um from Congo uh last year, and she said, after you have a baby, you're treated like a queen, which is which is true because everybody's like pampering you, you know, they're bringing you food, they're asking you what you want, your mother is there to massage your belly, you have all of this like community of support around you. And so I'm wondering, you know, here in the US, after you had your baby, what did that support look like? Did you have friends and family? You know, were your parents able to come out here to help you? What was that like for you?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, so um support, support, support. I had just me and my husband, honestly.
SPEAKER_01So just my husband. So my parents were unable to come, his parents were unable to come, but I had support from um church members, but then the support was even limited because my residence is like really far from my church. It's about like because so the church I worship is about is about um it's about approximately an hour drive. So, because I mean we were led to that church, God led us to that church. Anyway, I said that to say that um as much as they wanted to help, distance was a barrier. So they were not as um persistent as they wanted to be. So when I remember when I gave birth to my baby, and then there was I didn't know how to bait her. Do you understand? So I had to wait a few days, you know. Of course, we're able to mop her body and all that, but the proper, you know, baiting, the Nigerian baiting, I I I couldn't do it alone because I was really nervous that, oh, this baby is so, you know, little and all that. So I remember that I had to like wait for a few days before my uh pastor's wife and the pastor, actually, I think both of them came around and then she showed me how to bait the baby. So I had to like my I had to be really, really attentive because I know that hey, this is a one time or I have to really learn it. So she taught me everything. I was even asking questions. They would think I was writing an example, say, okay, so you bit the head first. Okay, so then the distance, okay. Let me say it again so that I'm sure that I understand it because I know that that was like probably would probably be a one time. I mean, she said she was going to come and then she did come around later, but it was like you know, weeks after, because I mean everybody's based in the US, so yeah. So yeah, support was limited, and then had to beat the baby myself. I did it once, then twice. And I'm like, uh-uh, I'm a pro. So I was able to really navigate it. So um, some are really support was not so much. Um, I mean, in terms of gifts, gifts was coming here and there when I gave birth to the baby because I gave birth um in this in a location that was really close to my church, right? So um people came from everywhere, they brought food, you know, while I was in the hospital. Support was massive while in the hospital. Food, you know, jokes joke with me so that I don't feel so much pain, you know, laugh with me and all that, and they congratulate me. Food was in essence, but as soon as we got back home, it was just me and my husband, honestly. So just myself and my husband. And then, yes, that was it. But I was able to, I think I'm even ready to have twins now. I'll beat both of them together. I can, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02So professional, yeah, professional in bathing. Got it. Okay, professional. Um, you know, I see hearing you hearing you say it was just you and your husband, um, it that's like the norm, honestly, among like African immigrant mothers that I've spoken with. A lot of times it's just it's just me and my husband, you know. Because that's all the community you have. And um honestly, I'm you know grateful for the mothers who have their husbands here with them. And I'm also, you know, I I feel for the mothers who don't, you know, for some African immigrant mothers, they're here by themselves, and it's like a lot more challenging for them. Um, but then you know, this hearing you say was you and your husband, I'm curious to know, like, how did both of you navigate that new norm? You know, what what kind of um what kind of adjustments did you have to make? How did your husband show up or step up? You know, what what resources helped him? What resources resources helped you as well to be become parents, you know? How did you navigate it, you know?
SPEAKER_01Yeah. So um how we navigated it was um shared responsibility. So I would not even say shared responsibility, I would say shared responsibility, but like 100-100. So nobody's saying that, oh, you're supposed to do this and then you're supposed to do that. Like it depends on our availability and you know what is on ground. So um I really thank God for the kind of husband that I have. And I know that it sounds cliche, but that's the truth. Like, I tell my close friends that to me, marriage is an achievement. If you don't on if you don't agree, that's a business. To me, marriage is an achievement. I'm grateful because to a very large extent, I think your partner will even decide if you will make everyone or not. Honestly, because if your partner frustrates your life, before you know it, you are committing sin and all that. So anyway, um, my husband was really support supported. Um, I think my husband even helped me to um was helping me to bait the baby at some point, like to know how detailed it was in terms of responsibility. So it would, I mean, his strength is not in cooking food, but he would try, you know, it's not really a great cook like that, but it would try to just put some things together just to make sure that I'm okay. And um, yeah, I think one major aspect is night feeding for the baby. Um he helped me so much that I know this might sound very funny or bizarre, but there are times that because I would, you know, pump my breast milk and then save it and all that, and then it will warm it up, you know, sometimes when the baby is crying and all that. I don't might sound funny, but there are times that I will sleep all through the night so much that I will not even know what happened in the night. I'll be asking in the morning, should John, did she eat that kind of thing? Are you alright? What happened? Like, no, don't worry, don't worry. She just, you know, forced a little bit, and then I was able to do this to that. I'm like, she'll call me. Thank you, my husband, that kind of thing. So, yes, um, it was really supportive. And um, I think that's why I'm even like encouraged, uh yeah, to have another baby when I'm ready. Do you understand? Like, because I know that says it's supposed to be that if I had seen Shage, I wouldn't know, Shage, what I mean for non-umrubaspeak is um if I had seen a lot, like if I had gone through a lot of challenges, I wouldn't dare to want to have another baby or think about it. So, yes, it was really supportive. We were sharing responsibilities, it would take care of the baby, it would bait the baby, we'll cook food for me. You baiting for me was normal. I'm sorry if you're not married, but like it was normal right from pregnancy. In fact, it was normal putting on my socks for me because you know, when you're pregnant, sometimes when it was, you know, I was showing a lot, I was not able to like bend very well. I'll just say, Hey, I'll come here. You will just come and then help me wear myself and bait for me, bat my baby. I suppose it'll be like, huh. My mom honestly was almost saying, don't kill this guy, like let him breathe. I'm like, ah, but I'm the one that gave birth to the baby. Like, I've gone through it, like it doesn't matter. Don't still give him so much stress. At some point, I'll just say, you know what, just sit down. I don't want you to get sick and all that. So, yes, it was it was shared responsibility, but then 100-100.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, you know, it sounds like where you said, you know, marriage is an achievement. You know, I agree with that. I think marrying a good partner is the achievement because you know, you want to make sure you're married to somebody who has your back, you know, the way your husband has. So shout out to your husband for like stepping up and like taking care of you and Delhi. That's what we love to hear.
SPEAKER_03This episode of Birthing Beyond Borders is funded by the 4W Initiative and supported by the African Center for Community Development. Please check out these two wonderful organizations. Details can be found in the description below.
SPEAKER_02So I want to talk a little bit about like emotional recovery. Um, you know, I've heard people say pregnancy is hard, but postpartum is like harder. And that's mostly because, you know, postpartum is just it's completely different from you know what you're used to. There's like so much going on in your own body, and now you've got this little baby you have to be responsible for as well. So, what did that look like mentally, emotionally for you? Like, what was recovery like? You know, what are the things that helped you, you know, keep it together? Um, you know, during times when it was like stressful, if you were not sleeping and things like that.
SPEAKER_01Was pardon recovery? I think it was it was okay. Like I said before, um, aside from the first two weeks that I was really, you know, in pains and all that, I was not my usual self. Let me just put it like that. Um, aside from that, I think I was really okay. Um, maybe because I was mentally prepared and because naturally I have a high threshold for pain, right? So I would say relatively compared to other people, maybe what I was going through at that time will be like a lot for other people, right? So I would say compared to how I handle pain and how I handle, you know, just general pain, mental, physical, whatever, um, I was in a really pretty good condition.
SPEAKER_00Um of course, there were times that I would have there were times that I would have um um you know intermittent um maybe back pain or um lower abdominal pain.
SPEAKER_01But yeah, I was when I whenever I use my prescribed drug, I would I would be okay. Although I know that there were times that you know the pain really gets really high, like really, really high, and um I would even cry at some points. But I think all of that happened in my first two weeks, honestly. Because I remember there was even a time that I called um my um health practitioner, my doctor. I called her, and then I was really crying that oh, I want more, I want a refill, that kind of thing. And then she had to like ask me questions. You know, they are always making sure that you're not overdosing, that kind of thing. That maybe it's not like you're already used to it because those drugs can be really addictive. So, but all of that honestly happened in my first two weeks. It was a lot, so it's like I I compiled all the pains together. Then after that, I was just I was just okay, honestly.
SPEAKER_02Okay, okay. That's that's good to hear. And I know you know I've heard you talk about um your church and your pastor's wife coming in to help, you know, show you how to break the baby and all of that. But I'm so curious what role did like your faith and like religion play in like navigating pregnancy and like childbirth and recovery. Um, Africans are very, you know, spiritual and religious people. So for a lot of us, our fake is a big part of like our journey in life. And so I'm just curious what that, you know, what role did that play in terms of like the journey through pregnancy, childbirth was part of recovery, all of that.
SPEAKER_01Okay. Um, so my faith really played a very it was a central, you know, part of my of my journey, honestly. I cannot rule it out, honestly, because uh, you know, in I I mean, based on our culture, as soon as you get pregnant, people will start telling you so many things. People will start, even people that have not dreamt before in their lifetime, they will start dreaming. Ah, I saw this, I saw that. So um, as soon as I got pregnant, I specifically told people that were close to me, I don't want to hear it. I don't want to, if you see anything, just pray about it. I don't want to hear it, I don't want to see it, I don't want to feel it. Don't tell me nothing. Right? So, because I mean, we are humans at the end of the day. So I gave that really um strict warning, especially if my mother. I hope she he she watches it, she listens to this podcast.
SPEAKER_02We'll make sure she listens to this, we'll send it to her.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I told her, like, I know that you'll be nervous and all that, or anxious and all that, but don't worry, I'll be okay. So, yes. Um, and of course, we told you know, people that we needed to tell. I told my pastor that is not even in the US, like I have a Nigerian pastor that was my pastor, my mentor, because they are still in touch. So, and it was like, okay, you're fine, because we so much share the same values, so it's not someone to panic or whatever. Even times that I would dream or you know, see things that are really distant, it would even force us me. I hope it's not your mind, that kind of thing, before trying to give me a lot of psalms or whatever. So you first make sure that it's not my mind, it's not my mental state. I'm actually in a good state. What's happening to you? Have you eaten? Are you fine? Oh, it's not that you you were you didn't take your back. That's a dreams that you were baiting in your dream, that kind of thing, like to rule out all the possibilities before going spiritual. So, yes, we're not just bombarding everything with spirituality, no, that kind of thing. So, yeah, faith was really an integral part of my journey. I prayed a lot. Um, I actually fasted to, but you know, I was really um careful to ensure that it did not affect my baby. And my husband is a prayer warrior. Whenever I see him pray, I'm always stunned on. Sorry to the single people. So, yes, um, yeah, it was really an integral part of my journey. Yeah, it helped me a lot.
SPEAKER_02Thank you for sharing that with us, Ethan. Okay, so now I want to go to the next section of this, you know, interview, and it's um about navigating resources and you know, the things that helped you during pregnancy. And so in the US, there's like a lot of resources. You know, some people have doors, some people have like community organizations that like step in when they are pregnant or you know, after they have the baby. So I'm curious to know what resources, formal, informal, helped you the most during pregnancy. Um, and even during postpartum, you know, did you have a doula? I know you talked a lot about like your fake or your church. So you know, we know that the church helped, but like, did you have a dual? Were there community organizations that you know provided any resource to you? Um, and how did you find out about these organizations or services?
SPEAKER_01Do you know that I didn't even know what a um I don't even know if I can pronounce it well, dual meant um until I was maybe eight months. Honestly, I'd never heard it. Honestly, I'd never heard it. So when a friend just said or mentioned it in person, I'm like, oh, what does that even mean? So I googled it and I'm like, oh, okay. So you know that I didn't even have those resources, I didn't know what that meant until that time, and I didn't even use them at all. Um, also, um, I think I was just doing my regular checkout. So I'll just go to the hospital when I'm supposed to go, um, take whatever vitamins they ask me to take. I I would think that um um learning from people's experience um helped me too. So I think that was like information, or maybe just reading online. And I was always very careful about what I read. Like I'll filter whatever um I read. So other than a major resource, honestly, thinking about it now would be um my friend that's already um walked my path, um, especially in this because I like I mentioned I was in Virginia before I moved to North Carolina. So I gave birth to North Carolina. I was already like really due, maybe like I gave birth about two months after I moved to North Carolina. So I was really, really close um to delivery. Okay. So so my major resource was my friend. So she was the one that you know directed me to the kind of hospital I can use, or what insurance I can leverage on, you know, or where to get you know, baby things, or she was even the one that she actually forced me. I'll use force. Ellie, shout out to you. She forced me to do like a baby registry. I kind of because my husband was saying, Ha, I'm not using my baby to ask for money, I'm not using my baby to beg. And then she was like, No, that's not how it works, like people, and then I can see categorically that we've not spent a a dime, a dollar, a cent on pampas or baby wives since my delivery. And my baby is almost nine months, and we still have a lot in stock. Wow, honestly. So baby registry was really helpful, and then yeah, I will see information from people. Um, also, I remember that when I gave birth to my baby, um, my insurance covered it, right? But I still had like a copay. Um, and then my pastor's wife, she's um an health practitioner, told me that I could use Medicaid. I'm like, oh, because I'm working, you know, I don't think I'm eligible, blah, blah, blah. And then she's like, like, yeah, apply regardless. You don't know. And then I got, I was, I was not approved, but I was approved for something called emergency Medicaid. I'd never heard about that in my life. So the glory of God, I did not spend a dollar on my child, but like I did not pay for anything. Like I did not pay for anything, like it's so it's so so funny that that could happen. I didn't know that um that existed. So information talking to people that matters, yeah, was really helpful. Yeah, and then in terms of maybe nanny or whatever, uh, because both of us are working parents. I think I had an in-house babysitter at some point. So we had cameras set up, so I would check my phone through um the camera, and then I'll come back and all that. And then my husband did not go to work every day, so that really helped.
SPEAKER_02Okay, I loved when you talked about like you know, speaking to people because as Africans, there's like this culture of hush-hush around pregnancy. It's like, oh, you're pregnant, keep it yourself, don't tell anybody. No, but in this country, like you need people to tell you about resources, you know, like your pastor's wife that shared that with you. And you know, there's so many people don't know that you can get the breast pump through your insurance, not just the breast pump, you can get a bunch of stuff through your insurance. So you are so ready. Like, it's not no. You know? So there's just like so many resources out there. So thank you so much for sharing that. Um, my last section, Odwanya, is to kind of do like a sort of reflection and um advice for like new moms. Um, so looking back, um, is there anything you'd have done differently during your pregnancy, postpartum, childbirth journey? Um, were there any resources you wish you had known about that you didn't have access to? You know, is there anything you'd have just done differently in general?
SPEAKER_01I think in general, so do you go my journey was really easy, honestly. Because I was really uh I think one major challenge for me was how to nurture a life. I mean, I know nurturing a life includes so many steps, like you know, better, feeding her, teaching her, you know, that and instructing her and all that, and love and care and all that. So I was really nervous about how to I would bring up a child, you know, to be an adult, like a a like a life whose destiny is in my hands, honestly. I think I really um I I was I yeah, it was a big deal for me. So I would say that um what I would have done differently was not underestimate myself, honestly. Um to new moms, I would say that, or aspiring moms, I would say that uh you can do whatever you set your heart upon to do, and uh you have everything available. Others make it available. You're just supposed to tap into it. So tapping into it includes talking to people that matters, tapping into it include holding on to your faith, tapping into it include not being stubborn. When they tell you to do something, you do it, that kind of thing. I mean, tapping into it include um joining strength, inner strength. It's okay to cry, it's okay to to yell when you need to, it's okay to feel those emotions, but in all, um, you'll be fine, you'll be good. So if I want to have another child or when I'm ready to have another child, I think I would pray more, I would uh source for resources more or more than and I will bombard my baby registry. Even you, I'll send it to you. You are going to buy.
SPEAKER_02Send it to me, send it to me, bring it on.
SPEAKER_01Yes, so yeah. So let me let me put it summarily. My advice is that you can do it if you put your mind to it, if you believe it, you can do it.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, thank you for for sharing those words of encouragement. I think it's very important for you know for us to hear that we can do it because I'm gonna be honest with you. So I've been married for about five years. Um, and I remember that in the first few years, I was so nervous about like just having a kid in the US without my parents. I'm just like, I'm not ready, it's too much responsibility, you know. But you know, hearing a lot of women talk about how they've navigated this, I think has definitely helped me see that I can do it. You know, uh it might not be the easiest, you know, path to tread, but I can do it. And so I think it's very important to just remind mothers that look like us or women that look like us and are in situations like us where you know you don't have your family around. So you can do it. And the good thing about Africans and our community is that there would always be community around you. You you know, you'd have the church, you'd have friends, there'll be people that would step in at different points to support you and uplift you. So thank you for reminding women who are listening to this. And my final question to you, Odil, is for healthcare providers and um Makina Health organizations that provide service to pregnant women or you know, immigrant mothers, what advice or what would you love for them to hear in terms of providing care to women that look like us?
SPEAKER_01I'll say that maybe because I did not experience any bad, you know, I did not have any bad experience. I really uh would not have anything per se to say to that male because my advice would have been based on a situation that I want to be better. Thinking about it now is maybe um when I needed to um contact um my doctor um because I needed a refill, that kind of thing. Um it took a couple of days, not days, like about two days, that kind of thing, because she was not guilty and all that. So yeah, I think that was when that was a time that my head really sparked. That was happening. What if what of what if I want to die? What if I'm about to die, that kind of thing. Yeah. So I would say that um you know, accessibility, um, especially after the childbirth, is but um aside from that, yeah, nothing.
SPEAKER_02Okay, but that's also a good point, you know. Um as a first-time mom, there's this sense of urgency. And you know, as healthcare providers just they provided care to like thousands of mothers, it's different, you know. It's your first time grouping, and you're like, oh my gosh, I need this right now. But they're like, Yeah, it's okay, you know. So just just managing those expectations, I think um it's it's very important to flag out. So are there any last words, anything else you want to share before you know we wrap up? Whatever comes to mind, last words, whatever.
SPEAKER_01I will say that for um is it safe to say African moms or aspiring moms in diaspora in the US? Um be very intentional about your community, be very intentional, be very intentional. So I know that um ladies especially is like I don't want to be friends with this one. Hey, I don't like it. No, be a good person first, and you attract good people. So I would say that be very intentional about your community. Um build on it, stay in touch, keep be a good person to them, and then you return, even if they're not the one that is returning the goodness, other people will is the law of nature, whatever you give out, you'll receive that kind of thing. It doesn't, you don't even need to be a Christian to be a good person. Um, yeah. So, and of course, some people, some people don't have people because of their personality. So work on your personality, and then um, not just because you're pregnant or you're going to be pregnant and you need people around you, no, but because um you need people to survive. I need you, you need me, that kind of thing. And um now is now even worse that you're in a place where you don't even have your family, your people that by blood, whether you like it or not, even with all your bad attitude, they will still stick with you and all that. So, yes, um, is worse than a place where you don't have people. So you have to build on it. Uh, go to if you're a Christian, you know, go to church and don't just gabbage in, garbage out after services, pack your bag, talk to people, you know, that is intentionality. If you are in school, go to events, you know, talk to people. In fact, even for people that they are still single, it's because you're not talking to people, you're not mixing with people. Whatever platform you have, you know, um, optimize it. And then um, yes, intentionality about your community, it will really help you because you get information. You say that, oh, don't think that you can do it alone. That oh, if I search Google, if I know that some information that uh is, you know, imagine what I said about uh me speaking to my um to my pastor's wife about my um um childbirth fee and all that. I did not pay, I don't know how many women can say that in the US that they did not pay a dollar um as you know, delivery fee. I do not think that so many people. So she was like, yeah, what do you have to lose? Like, even if you are earning a lot relatively, you know, still apply. Most case they'll say no. So my bob, my baby got a year uh Medicaid, and then I got the emergency fund for emergency medicaid um fund, and that was for the time I entered the hospital and I left. So everything pertaining to me, going to the hospital and living was covered for everything. Everything. So, yes, and that relies on people. So, yes, I think that's my last word. Be a good person and then good people will come to you.
SPEAKER_02Thank you so much, Ogun. I've really enjoyed our conversation, and I'm so grateful that you you know accepted to be a guest. And I, you know, I'm sure that a lot of people who will be listening to this would also learn a thing or two from all that you shared. So thank you so much once again.
SPEAKER_00No, I can't.
SPEAKER_04Thank you so much for joining. Us on this episode of Birthing Beyond Borders. I hope you've learned something new or felt seen in today's conversation. If you're a mom listening today, know that you're doing an incredible job, and as a community, we are so proud of you. Please share this episode with another mom or with a friend who might find it helpful. Remember, you are not alone and you don't need permission to do the things that bring you joy. I'm rooting for you. Goodbye.