If They Survived - The Crazy Ralph Podcast - EP 7

The Crazy Ralph Podcast is exactly that—CRAZY!!!

In this recurring segment, we bring Friday the 13th victims back to life… and imagine what happens next.

Do they escape and thrive?
Or does the nightmare follow them?

From wild comebacks to completely cursed lives… nothing is off limits.

We had a blast with this one—hope you enjoy it.

Video link https://youtu.be/_MjXomtMDjE

On this segment
0:56 Jimbo (Part 4)
2:20 Ned (Part 1)
4:14 Alan HAWS (Part 6)
6:17 Melissa (Part 7)

Horror Slash 
https://www.youtube.com/ ⁨@thehorrorslash8184⁩ 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:04

We'll now turn our attention to a fun segment called If They Survived. A segment where we take characters and we we bring them back to life, so to speak. We we say, Hey, listen, you did survive. This is what happened to them. This is their life after camp. And this is a fun one. We both uh we both are looking forward to this segment. We're gonna carry it out in uh several episodes, and uh this is the first one. So for this, uh I have Ned from part one and Melissa from part seven.

SPEAKER_01 0:44

Uncle Pete, you have I had Jimbo from part four and Alan Rushak from part six.

SPEAKER_00 0:50

All right, so who are you going with first? We'll start off with you.

SPEAKER_01 0:54

I'm gonna go with Jimbo from part four. So got my little notes here. So Jimbo searched for the corkscrew, took him outside. He was on a postcoital haze from his you know recent love making. So he couldn't find a cross screw, so he was gonna go to the Jarvis house to see if he can borrow one of their corkscrews against he is able to escape the murder at Crystal Lake. So this gives him a new lease on life. He's like, Man, I really had to make life, I don't want to be a dead F. So he's going to he's gonna try and show off his new dance skills. He's like, you know what? I had a blast dancing. So he goes on the gong show and wins. Everybody loves the way that Jim dances, so he goes on to the gong show and wins. It's called the not a DF dance. Takes off, he becomes a superstar, dance, and he actually becomes a dance choreographer for Madonna and Prince. So he does this for most of his life, and in his retirement, Big Jim uh now is a judge on the new 2026 version of Dance Fever.

SPEAKER_00 2:06

That was great. I didn't I didn't know he had it in him, but uh good friend. Good friend.

SPEAKER_01 2:13

Not a DF dance.

SPEAKER_00 2:14

No, no, that was that was awesome. That was awesome. So uh I will start off with uh with Ned. Ned is a little bit more exciting but straightforward. Um so Ned uh left camp. He was rattled by what happened to him, obviously, and for a few years he recoiled from family and friends, but slowly recovered and went back to college before dropping out. Uh he found his colleague, he channeled his pain and trauma and became a stand-up comedian. Uh he had some uh low-level success and uh and then actually caught a big break. He started he in 1985 he opened for Sam Kinison. Uh and uh it was then after that Sam introduced him to some people, he tried his hand at acting, and uh, you know, he was kind of floating around in the acting world, but uh it didn't really do too well. But he did peak. He actually uh landed two episodes of in 1990, he landed two episodes of Knott's Landing. So uh that was good for Ned. But, you know, realizing it wasn't for him, he uh uh he decided to retire from acting. And what all uh great actors that don't find uh life on the screen do, he started teaching acting. Uh he married in 1996 uh Kathy, and they have one son and one daughter, and he and his wife uh still live the married modest life in Kentucky. Uh currently he is writing a book and looking for a publisher, so that could be exciting. And the book is uh called Little Nettie Goes to Camp. So that's something we got to look forward to. Hopefully, he finds a publisher, hopefully he finishes his book. But he's doing well and he's in Kentucky, so happy for Ned. Happy for him.

SPEAKER_01 4:05

Happy for Ned, man. Good job, Ned.

SPEAKER_00 4:07

Yeah. All right, so we move on to Horseshack Alan Hawes.

SPEAKER_01 4:14

Yeah, good old Alan from part six. This one it's a little bit of a darker turn, unfortunately. So instead of hitting Jason on the back of the head with a shovel, Alan just runs and hides when Jason goes after Tommy. He's being a coward. This gives Alan time to escape. Now, he can go back to the sanitarium. That's the last place he would go. He's trying to get out of that place. So he actually hitchhikes to Illinois to visit his cousin, who just so happens to be a member of the cult of Thorn. His first meeting he attends to, he witnesses a ceremony performed on a baby with a large man with the white mask just watching in the background. So and also side note, so and uh sorry, I gotta get my notes. So on Halloween, he finds a beaten body with a white mask laying on the floor, and still traumatized by what happened and being influenced by the cult of Thorns, he picks this mask up and places it over his head and walks out into the darkness. But a side note on that, now since he wasn't killed, a body wasn't found in the grave when the the gravedigger's like, oh he left it open because the body was actually missing. Sheriff saw this. He calls in the National Guard who actually tracked down Jason because they know what happened in the past. National Guard corner Jason and they obliterate him into ash. So Jason is actually killed, and Rorschach is a new villain with a shapely mask.

SPEAKER_00 5:50

Wow, that is that that took a turn. Okay, that's interesting. That's good stuff. Um, so I I guess you know, uh Horschak or Alan Hawes, uh running away was the best thing that could happen for uh Camp Crystal Lake. And you knew. But what is he up to? Yeah, that's it's it's kind of uh we gotta watch out for him. All right, so we probably kind of maybe wish she died. I don't know. But anyways, uh that's that's gonna happen because we don't know. We don't know what these people and and Melissa was a polarizing character, very good looking uh uh portrayal, obviously, uh, but she was the the bitch. And um, you know, some of that is represented in in in her future. So she she ended up uh going home with us a broken arm and two broken ribs and no axe in the head, obviously. Uh she tried to return to her job as a retail manager. Uh oddly she wasn't too affected uh by the traumatic experience. So I mean she she was handling it, you know, as best she could. I mean, it wasn't a gravy, you know, a gravy. It wasn't a cakewalk for her, but um, she continued to model, I we didn't know this, but uh part-time, uh, before meeting up with the lead guitarist of the hit band Fusillodge. Um the two the two moved to LA, uh, married, and uh divorced two years later. She scored big in the settlement, uh, and swiftly met a rich businessman uh who was high who's a high-end real estate investor in the Los Angeles area. Uh they married uh in 1998. They had uh they married in 1998, they had four kids, and while being filthy rich, Melissa matured and she became uh a prideful mom and you know had was doing very well for herself until the puppy incident of 2006. This this one traumatized her even more than Jason. Uh she basically ran over uh a puppy in her neighborhood while driving her Porsche and uh you know didn't go over too well in the neighborhood, obviously. So uh she did end up going to therapy where she then developed an affair with her doctor, uh Dr. Sam Waxman. Uh it became a scandal because it got out there. Uh now Melissa's man, he actually was pretty compassionate, stayed with her. But uh it gets weird now. In 2008, while on vacation in Belize, I got hurt with her husband, Melissa went missing. And uh despite a wealthy search, uh, she was never found, and it's presumed that she had passed away. She has passed away, uh, but still it's not confirmed, and uh she leaves behind her husband and four kids. So it that's kind of uh it's unfortunate.

SPEAKER_01 8:50

I mean it kind of seems like had a dark turn and a Yeah, yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_00 8:55

We did. Yeah, a foray into uh entertainment industry. Um but this one kind of I didn't even realize it until you know documenting uh Melissa's uh future story, but it kind of mimics uh Susan Jennifer Sullivan who plays Melissa. I'm not too sure if you know about this, but uh well the the consensus was she died, I think in in 2008, 2008.

SPEAKER_01 9:18

I remember from Crystal Lake Memories I talked about this.

SPEAKER_00 9:21

Right, yeah, but then there's also a rumor that she is alive. Um now she has there's a she has a Facebook page, it's supposed to be an official one, but but there is a rumor that she's just alive and she just separated herself from this. So um it was kind of funny how that kind of mirrors, and uh in anyways, uh that's that's what's happened to Melissa. If if in future episodes we find out anything more, if like you know, I mean it's it's this happened what 2008, so it's a cold case, but if it uh if it heats up, you'll you'll hear it first here on the Crazy Ralph podcast. Uh and uh as I guess the same thing with Hawes, because man, that guy's a loose cannon and he's out there. So um I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 10:05

Cult of Thorns sounded kind of sketchy, so I don't Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:10

Usually you throw cult in front of anything. You could throw cult in front of an apple, and it sounds kind of sketchy, right? Like it's um, but uh anyways, we hope you enjoyed this uh segment. We're gonna we have some fun with this one.

SPEAKER_01 10:24

The new what did I say? Yeah, yeah. Dance fever. That's uh won the gong show.

SPEAKER_00 10:29

That's good stuff.

SPEAKER_01 10:30

For you young guys, if you don't know what the gong show is, Jason, I just old, just look it up.

SPEAKER_00 10:35

Well, you know, we we we kinda yeah, we uh we we had to go with the time frame, right? Like, you know, it's the same thing with me picking, you know, Sam Kinison. It's you know, it's exactly it was the time frame of you know when uh Ned became a stand up comedian. It it's just the way it goes. Absolutely. And until next episode, I'll say goodbye, happy camping, and so long.