The Moment You Start Choosing Yourself

This wasn’t the episode I planned to start with—but it’s the one that needed to be shared.

In this first episode of the Becoming Podcast, I sit down with Amanda as she reflects on her experience completing four weeks of the Foundations Four program. What unfolds is not a polished success story, but an honest and deeply human conversation about what it feels like to begin reconnecting with yourself after years of putting your life on hold.

After spending more than a decade caring for others, Amanda found herself at a point where life finally opened up—but instead of clarity, she was met with uncertainty. Through this work, she began to shift—not by having all the answers, but by becoming more aware, more intentional, and more willing to step outside of her comfort zone.

We talk about:

• What changed for her over four weeks
• The emotional challenges that surfaced along the way
• Stepping into discomfort and trying new things
• The role of daily reflection and journaling
• Why this approach felt different from anything she’s done before
• And what it means to continue, even without having everything figured out

This episode is a reminder that real change doesn’t come from doing more—it comes from seeing yourself more clearly.

If you’ve ever felt like you’ve been living for everyone else… or you’re not quite sure what comes next… this conversation may resonate more than you expect.

https://www.totaltransformation.life/blog

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:28

What this does that's very different, and you know, in the even like in the past when I've tried to exercise and lose weight and things like this, this also incorporates the emotional part of it, which is really important to me and really one of probably my biggest struggle. Um and so like I just think it's so helpful to kind of look at more than just your physical self and kind of reflect on that because you know when life is happening, you don't stop and you don't reflect and you don't think about you know about yourself or or what's going to make you happy, and it's just like really helpful to look at your whole self.

SPEAKER_01 1:12

You know, so because your physical, like we think about our physical health all the time, maybe more than the rest, right? I think that the world we live in today, like welcome to the Becoming Podcast. This is actually the very first episode, and if I'm being honest, I wasn't planning on starting this podcast quite yet. But sometimes something comes along that feels too important to hold on to. And this conversation is one of those things. What you're about to hear is a real story, an honest reflection from someone who just completed four weeks of the Foundation's 4 program. And while every experience is different, there's something about this one that I think will resonate with many of you. Before we begin, I want to take a moment to introduce myself and give you a little context for the work that I do. I've been a health coach for about 13 years now, and my experience spans from personal training, health coaching, teaching fitness classes, and working with individuals with disabilities. I also teach workshops, speak publicly, and lead mindfulness and meditation classes. I'm a National Board certified health and wellness coach, a behavior change specialist, an ace certified personal trainer, and precision nutrition level one coach. I also hold a certification in mental well-being for fitness professionals. More recently, I've expanded my work through writing. I'm the author of Foundation's Four, Four Weeks, Four Pillars, One Intentional Reset, as well as becoming the practice of intentional living, which is a five-volume series rooted in awareness, alignment, expression, and expansion. At its core, becoming is not a roadmap, it's a compass. It's something that helps you stay grounded and centered as you move through the different seasons and landscapes of your life. If foundations is the structure, the daily habits, the goals, the tracking, the accountability, then becoming is what sits beneath it. It's the deeper reflection. It's where your motivation, your perspective, and your meaning come from. I'll be talking much more about all of this in future episodes, but for today, I want to keep it simple. I want you to listen. Listen to what can begin to shift. Not just in my life, but in someone else's. When you start to become more aware, more intentional, and more connected to yourself. So with that, I'm going to step back and let her speak for herself. You're just about done with your fourth week of the program. Tomorrow will be our fifth meeting. We had one to start with where we did like the setup, and then we did a meeting every Sunday, but you were on vacation one week. And even though we didn't get to meet on that Sunday, you still um you still were able to check in with me during the week and it was going well. I remember that. Yeah. You're just coming to the end of your fourth week, but you have not done like evaluation exercises. So I'm just gonna ask quickly like, what do you think were the biggest accomplishments that you had uh over the last four weeks?

SPEAKER_00 4:46

So I think I'd have to say that probably just becoming like fully committed to bettering myself. So with that being like physically with eating and exercise as well as like emotionally and just like a lot. Like I've I've been through a lot in the last 15 years, so like just giving myself some time to reflect and like think about like where where I can kind of figure out where life is going to go now that things are very different for me. Um, so that's the one area though that like I still am very like unsure. You know, I'm I'm feeling feeling good about the progress I've made otherwise, but like I'm still I still have a lot of like what if kind of things happening.

SPEAKER_01 5:38

Well, for sure, it's only been four four weeks is a huge accomplishment to get through, but it's not gonna be the end of it either. Like it's not enough to make a total life shift, but you've made some big progress in the meantime. Good.

SPEAKER_00 5:55

What kind of what-ifs do are you still um so I I've spent the last 15 years kind of letting like my my personal um like my life kind of set to the side and like the things that I want out of life. And you know, I started taking care of my parents at a very young age, I was 32 years old. Oh wow, you know, my father was sick with cancer, and then um immediately I started, you know what I mean. I I lived with my mother, she, you know, I took care of her, and then the last six years have been very like where I've been in a state of stress basically for six years straight. And so um I just assumed that you know I would finish the job that I'm in, I would retire, I would never get the chance to think about like my own personal happiness, and it was really always about everybody else, and so now that I have some some time to kind of reflect and and things have changed for me, it's like what does that look like? So it's a it's a it's a hard thing, and so like and I also am like fighting this internal battle of like there's probably not a person that walks the earth that could be as critical about me as I can. Um, and so like it's a lot of like letting go and doing things that make me uncomfortable because I am probably much more to the introverted side, and so like even like when like going to exercise classes and things that was like to even walk through that door and even socialize with people that I don't know, like people that know me probably are like, Oh, she talks all the time, but everybody else is like, you know, you're the quiet one, and and things like that, and so it's just it's tough.

SPEAKER_01 7:44

That was one of the big things that was a huge accomplishment for this this uh four weeks, or not just with this program, but just something recent that you started doing that was a huge step out. You kept saying that you uh wanted to step outside your comfort zone, yeah, right? So you started going to group exercise classes. Is that the first time you've ever done that? Yes, because I don't I yeah, and you had uh a friend to go with you? I did CN, yeah. So that probably helps a little bit.

SPEAKER_00 8:12

Yes, it does, yes. Yep, and and the environment in which the instructor creates is very helpful too. So yeah, like I feel like this group that I'm in and those classes have been like huge steps for me, even though like other people are probably like it's not a big deal, but so I used to teach fitness classes, I haven't done it since COVID.

SPEAKER_01 8:33

Uh, I kind of moved more in this direction afterwards, but um the the group atmosphere and the support network is so amazing in group fitness, and when I even started teaching them, I felt like that was outside of my comfort zone because I was always very similar to you, and like I felt like I was reserved. When I if I went to the gym, I did it by myself. Like I liked it to be reflection time, so I've never been a big group exerciser, but then I was deciding to teach an exercise class, and I so even to be in that environment was just it was just really positive. Everybody is there to for the same reasons, and I I didn't ever find people that were judgmental. I felt that they were more accepting, right? But it can be a really intimidating space to walk into when you're not familiar with it for sure, especially if there's a lot of people that have been going for a long time and you feel like you I find that most people were just trying to keep up themselves, let alone like judge anybody else, right?

SPEAKER_00 9:32

Right, yeah, and everybody's in a different place, so well.

SPEAKER_01 9:37

I give you a lot of credit, and you really feel like it's benefited you. Good. Yeah, for sure. What about the biggest challenges you've had in the last few weeks?

SPEAKER_00 9:47

Probably I'd have to say they're more like internal emotional challenges. Like I feel myself getting a little bit anxious over the last week or two. Um just this past week or two, yeah. Yeah, probably because I've I'm probably not with this conversation supposed to be out. But so I've I've also really started to kind of like put myself out there um socially and in ways that I are totally out of my comfort zone. But I feel like we live in a place where like like there's not a lot to do, there's not a lot of places to go and meet people, and so it's like you know, and I have fantastic friends and family in my life, but like the one thing that I have not had is a relationship in a really long time. And so I just and I don't know, like I don't know where you go. Then again, I'm introverted and I'm like, oh, I don't know how to do this, I don't know how to go through these steps, and so it's not as easy as somebody, you know, at this age, and somebody being like, oh, blah blah blah, because a lot of people are already in relationships, you know, and so that's that's tough for me because I never actually thought that I would have that opportunity because I like I said again, I spent my life helping other people for the last 15 years, and so it never was about me, and now it gets to be about me, and that's a little it's a little scary for me.

SPEAKER_01 11:10

But I also have to say that like you said, um, how this is probably not the direction the conversation is meant to go, but that's exactly why I take the approach that I do like so. When we do that first exercise, that multidimensional, like the whole point of that is that your social does connect to your physical, it connects to your exercise, it connects to your motivation, it connects to your emotional, right? There's it's just impossible to compartmentalize the different parts of our life. And when and when I tried to set up the foundations book so that it addressed the main reasons why routines normally fail, and it dives into the reasons that motivation is disrupted, and those things all matter. Like I can, I was talking to in one of the other workshops I did this week about one of the different programs that I had done years ago, and it was like, okay, so my physical, I'm trying to get my workouts in, I'm doing whatever, and then I had this big drop in my graph that is like I was accomplishing this many goals. Now I am like 20 less that week. Like what happened? And it was a huge financial crisis. And my son had gone to college, and I was like enjoying the freedom, but super sad at the same time and didn't know what to do with myself, which is very similar. I mean, not in the same way, but like suddenly it's all about you, and you have to shift the focus back to you again. Right. And that um is something that you were talking about earlier. It's uh it's not the exact same thing, but it's a similar thing where you're not used to focusing on what makes you happy. Right. But and then it was like right before Christmas, and the water was leaking in my bathroom, and I was just in a financial crisis. So like it wasn't about my workouts why why things failed at that moment. But what this did was allow me to see what was going on and then be like, okay, I now I have to put together a plan. I have to like figure out I'm gonna stabilize myself because because I can see that it's totally throwing me off.

SPEAKER_00 13:18

Right.

SPEAKER_01 13:18

So yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:20

Yeah, so I mean, as far as challenges, I think the those are all of my but the the biggest challenge is is like getting the to the point where like I do friendship really well, you know, I do family really well. I'd like to be able to do relationship really well, but until I feel good enough, like I think that that's going to be a struggle for me. And so I feel like, and I haven't actually found a counselor yet, but I do think that would be really helpful for me because it's something I just need to kind of talk things through with someone, and like, you know, I I had some prior to my mother passing, I had some anger you know towards other people um based on like all responsibility was on me, you know, and and I never like I always had to make the sacrifice, not that it was a sacrifice, but you know what I mean? Like I'm all I always had to be the one to be there, you know. Nobody would sacrifice besides me.

SPEAKER_01 14:22

Yeah, you know, so I have um a couple of counselors that I've kind of worked in conjunction with over the years. If you are looking at then I can get you some names of people. I feel like um the work that I do a lot of times it's different, it complements in different ways. And I've had a lot of clients where it's kind of in conjunction like this is just taking a little bit different look at at your life in the whole, and it kind of works together, and I think it could be very beneficial.

SPEAKER_00 14:55

Yeah, and I have I have a very good friend, one of my best friends, who's um been my friend for a long time is a psych or a psychologist. But I'm like, I feel like because I feel like I'm dumping a lot on her, and not that she necessarily minds, but I don't want that to be all of our conversations, right? About like so I I would like somebody, yeah, for sure, that's impartial.

SPEAKER_01 15:16

Yeah, somebody that um maybe is outside of your sphere of people that you know might be good to to talk to, and then probably preferably a female, I think, just because uh yeah, I I definitely have a couple names, okay, so I uh can get you some of that information for sure. Thank you. Yeah. So when you decided to do the foundations, um I had worked with a group at the hospital and I'd sent out like an email to all of the hospital, and um just outlining what it was. What made you decide to say yes to it?

SPEAKER_00 15:53

Well, I already kind of knew who you were because I I work at school and so I was at Kennedy in a different like I wasn't a teacher, so I never got to know you, so I never you know what I mean. You didn't teach any of my kids.

SPEAKER_01 16:06

And it was during COVID, so it was like wearing a mask, yes.

SPEAKER_00 16:09

So I I kind of knew you through there, and I knew that people kind of speak very very highly of you. No, I think. And then I also saw you present at um the DKG thing out at the um East Branch Inn was in the last year or so. Oh the the group of teachers. Oh, that's right. Yes, so I was I was at that too, and I took your card and I was like, but I never never went anywhere with it because life at that time was very complicated. And so um what happened was I went to the doctor, we were discussing like taking the one of the GLP1 shots, my insurance didn't approve it. They said you have to go through and kind of take these classes in order, like in three months, for the insurance to approve it. And then um, I I met with the other person that was Michelle's kind of equal there one time, and then um she had mentioned that there were these these groups and things that happened, and I was like, Well, I'm at work, I can only be on for a little bit of time, you know, at my lunch, and so and then I saw it with you, and I was actually really, really hot because I was very like impressed when I saw you speak.

SPEAKER_01 17:21

Oh, well, thank you. I love that. That's always good to hear. So you when did you meet with your doctor? How long ago was that?

SPEAKER_00 17:29

Um, so the end of like February.

SPEAKER_01 17:32

Okay. So your insurance didn't approve it. At that point, you decided okay, I'm gonna do it a different way and I'm gonna Well, no, I s I'm just paying for it right now.

SPEAKER_00 17:41

Oh, okay. So I am doing it. I've okay. So I've been on it since February 27th. Um, I'm third my third month in on the I'm staying on the lowest dose because I'm you know I'm still continuing to lose. Um this week I'm a little bit of a plateau, but it's also not, you know, it is what it is, right? And and I think that, you know, I'm improving otherwise because it's because the amount of time our amount of exercise that I have upped has been significant over the last few weeks.

SPEAKER_01 18:09

So well, and I think um that's one of the most important things when you decide to do the weight loss medication is to make sure that you're changing your lifestyle habits at the same time. If you go into something like that just using this shot or whatever, whatever it is, and you don't change your lifestyle habits, then when you come to the end, or maybe you're at the weight that you want, like what happens if you go off it, then are you just gonna regain it? Like, so it's it's really good that you're supporting that with healthy habits and strength training, because that's another thing. Um, I have a friend that's a medical doctor, and he had said that that's one of the biggest things, especially as people get older, like not necessarily your age, but like older, um, strength is one of the things that they lose as well. So the fact that you're going to exercise classes and maintaining your strength, it's good. It's a really good thing that you're doing, and also also looking at your nutrition and using it in conjunction as the healthy way to do it.

SPEAKER_00 19:11

So when I started talking to the doctor, I just I basically said, I'm I'm going to give myself a year. And at the end of that year, I I you know, I've I'm I I'm figuring I'm going to be less weight than I was, but I don't want to be on this long term. What it did for me was I think it made my brain say, like, no, you're really not hungry, you know. And it also like just that initial jump really helped with my motivation. So um, we'll see what happens. I have another month, and then they'll the insurance will reevaluate to see if it then they might cover it. Oh, that's good. Yeah, so that's why I kind of had to initially go through that stuff.

SPEAKER_01 19:57

But um well, it's good that you're taking the approach that you're taking and doing it all encompassing and really working on working on yourself in every way, like physically but and nutritionally and all of that, but you're also diving into a lot of other things too.

SPEAKER_00 20:12

Yeah, and I also like downloaded the an app where I'm I'm logging everything.

SPEAKER_01 20:19

Good. Um, like your food, you know.

SPEAKER_00 20:21

Yes, yep, food, exercise, protein, like good. So the place that I go for the exercise classes, they have an app, and she like set up like how many calories, how much protein, all that. So that was also very helpful. Um and then I think my next step with her probably will be she does do I think she does definitely her significant other, they do this, like they do monthly kind of coaching a little bit with with exercise and things. And I think that um I might do that. Well, I'm I'm off. I say off for the summer, but not really. Right, right because I work in the summer, but um off in the summer, just to kind of make sure that you know, when I'm doing the exercises, because yes, they are giving feedback there, but it's not individual feedback and it's there are a lot of people there. So yeah, I was thinking I would do a couple months of just um one-on-one with her, hopefully, and and just to be able to make sure that I'm like, am I lifting because I I'm a former athlete, so that's why this is really one other reason that it's very difficult for me because I just let that all go. I stopped playing sports and and it just all went downhill from there because I had terrible habits, you know, because when you're playing sports, you know, in high school and college and you're exercising all the time and you're a lot younger, you know, those things don't really matter. And then you get older and you're like, I don't know how this I don't know how this happened, but yes.

SPEAKER_01 21:46

Yes, I understand that for sure. So before we actually started the program, we do the go through those beginning exercises. Like it's the first exercise is just the multidimensional point of view, and I know we've talked about it before. For it's really just there's eight dimensions of your life. It's write your life on a scale of one to ten and then just write whatever thoughts come. It's not meant to be super in-depth. And some and the reason that I start with that one is because it's an easy way to quickly look at like all the different dimensions of your life without having to answer the question, like, oh, what do you want your life to look like? Because that's a big question. So you can start to kind of look at it gradually. The reason that I do that is because it's hard to measure how your emotional health has grown. It's hard to define it, like define that measurable component of the things that you're working on. So my intention is like at the beginning, do that, set it aside. Don't overthink it, don't like let it consume any thoughts, but just to get a baseline from where you're at right now. Also keeping in mind that you want to give yourself room to grow. So what you'll do in the exercises that you haven't done yet, but you will soon, then you'll do that exercise again without looking at the first one, and then you'll be able to go back and compare the beginning to the end, and you'll be able to see, see what change there is, see if there's anything that didn't change, or if anything feels the opposite way, like maybe you feel worse than when you started. All of that gives you information as to like, okay, so this is really working the way that it's that it is right now. Or maybe I haven't I need to adjust something because it's not really working. You know, the things that you're sharing with me, I think that there's going to be definitely some improvement probably in yours.

SPEAKER_02 23:29

For sure.

SPEAKER_01 23:30

But um, but even the ones that go the opposite way are beneficial because then you just, okay, maybe I need to tweak something. Maybe I set my expectations too high. Maybe I haven't set them expect or the expectations high enough. Maybe I'm not pushing myself enough. You know, there's lots of different ways that you can look at it and just get a feel for that measuring component that can be hard, especially when you're dealing with um, like you're dealing with your checklists of your activity and those things, but when you're looking at your emotional health and your social health and your spiritual health and all of those things, it's just very hard to to measure something like that. So it gives you a sense of how to go about that. And then um the next one is the moment that made you decide why you want to do foundations, like what your motivation was, and then um what you hope to achieve with it, and then just to think about if your life were ideal, like what would that look like to you? So when we did those exercises, how beneficial do you feel like they were?

SPEAKER_00 24:33

I think they were extremely beneficial because you know, I'm a person who thinks nonstop all the time, which is probably why I have some of this anxiety going on. But like to actually physically write it down was kind of like a like a check-in for myself, like really digging deep into thinking about like what's important and what you know what is going really well in my life, and what kind of areas do I need to focus on. And I do think that I don't I in all areas you just thinking about it, I don't feel like I've gone backwards in any of them. I feel like I've gone forward, and I've had like quite a few people just say recently, like, you just seem a lot happier.

SPEAKER_01 25:15

Oh, that's good.

SPEAKER_00 25:16

Yeah, and I do really appreciate this opportunity. Um, and I think it's been really helpful.

SPEAKER_01 25:24

Oh, thank you. Oh, you're very welcome, and I'm so grateful that you decided to give it a try. Yeah, and emotional. Um that's okay, that's the good stuff. It really is. Like uh, you know, I I started out as a personal trainer and I still am today. I don't do a lot of like physical the physical side of things, first of all, because I had a knee replacement in a year and a half ago and I had to recover from that and I had to rethink my own fitness, but also because I feel like this side of things is truly where I'm I'm best, you know, it's truly what my passion is and truly what drives me. And I feel like it's what I have to offer. But I agree with you. The whole reason that we do all those things at the beginning is because I think when you start a new routine, it's really beneficial to truly think all of those little things through because those tie into your motivation. And maybe in the middle of it, when you start to be frustrated or think you're not making progress, then you can go back and you can revisit how you were feeling. You can remember what it was like when you started, or you can remember why you're why you're there. And I think it also becomes more clear, it brings clarity when you have to write it down. Right. When you have to organize your thoughts into words on a piece of paper, there's some value to actually going through that process.

SPEAKER_00 26:43

So last week when you were talking about like you can you can restart again, or we can talk about different options. I just feel like the person I am right now is very different than the person I was four weeks ago. And so I feel like I might I I probably want to restart and just kind of see what progress I can make again in the next four weeks because I really it's been very helpful.

SPEAKER_01 27:05

Oh, that's so good. I'm so glad to hear that. So we haven't really got to talking about it yet, but one of the things that that's different about this program than the other foundation programs that I have is because I've really involved that component of the daily reflections and daily daily journaling. So each week has the theme. Like the first one was your reclaiming your power, basically, like your power of choice. And then the second week was living in integrity with your values when you identify what's the most important, and then energy and intention is the third, and then the fourth one is your confidence and self-trust. And then each week has a daily reflection, and then like three journaling prompts for each day, and all those journaling prompts support like the theme for that week. So initially I was like, Oh, I already did all of the journaling, so and I do have more beyond the four weeks, like in different resources and different books, but what I ended up doing was going back and starting the reset again because the first time I went through, it was like, okay, now I have like a good idea of what I want my focus to be. I feel like I'm starting to pull it all together, right? But then I went through and did it again, and those questions were the same questions, but the answers were a little bit different because I was a little bit different.

SPEAKER_02 28:21

That's why.

SPEAKER_01 28:22

Yeah, and then now I'm doing it a third time, and the questions bring up completely different answers because now I've gotten through the first couple stages and now I'm on to a different stage. There will be a point, I think, when I'm like, okay, I think I've I'm ready to move on to it from those four weeks. But I think that until I really, really feel solid and moving forward, then then I think they're beneficial to go back and do the same questions again. I do too. Yeah. When you did your goal setting, did you uh I think I had put out like an article on just like the process. Did you use that or did you find it pretty easy to just go through the goal setting process?

SPEAKER_00 29:00

I th I don't know. I probably looked at it, but I don't think I used it because I spend my life in goal setting. Yep, so you can't. So like, yeah. Um because I I am such a thinker and an analyzer of everything, I it was it was okay for me. Like I because I have to do that at work, I have to do that, you know, when I'm eating, I do it when I'm exercising. Like I, you know, if I if I say I'm walking 45 minutes, even if I'm tired, I'm walking 45 minutes. So, and like I've been very good about like, as far as eating goes, like even out the the most difficult right now is eating out because you can't measure anything. And so it's like kind of this guessing thing. So I just say before I start eating, I'm like, in my brain, I'm like, you're gonna eat this amount, and then you're gonna stop, and that's all you're having. And then you you put everything, either you if you're taking it home or you're letting it be.

SPEAKER_02 29:53

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 29:54

So I just, you know, I think I think I do well with goal goal setting. So I don't, I don't think I per se used it, but I'm sure I look, I can't remember now, but I probably looked at it.

SPEAKER_01 30:05

Yeah. The very first foundations book I did, um, I wrote in depth at the beginning, like what the process was like for all of these different exercises. But and I did one in goal setting, but with this one, I I didn't do that in the book, so I had put it out uh just in a blog, like for for anybody that isn't familiar with the process.

SPEAKER_00 30:25

Um yes, I'm I'm I'm positive I read it because I've read I've read the blogs that you've sent.

SPEAKER_01 30:31

So yeah, I I feel like it's it might be something that I do a podcast episode about too, just to support people that um are trying to go through the program without my support or if they're on their own. I want them to make sure that they have enough resources to be able to get through those exercises, and and sometimes it's hard to figure out how to make the goals specific and measurable and right, you know, all the smart goals that we've all heard a million times. It's sometimes maybe more difficult to uh actually define those things, right? So, but that's good that you're familiar with the process and didn't have any trouble with that at all. I don't think anybody did in the group, really.

SPEAKER_00 31:10

No, I don't think so.

SPEAKER_01 31:11

Nobody, nobody specifically reached out to me for it. And I don't know if they used the blog or not, or if just I mean, if you've been involved in any kind of program like this, that's something that is always talked about as a smart, you know. So what about like the first week that reclaiming your power of choice, like what did did that change a perspective for you at all? Do you think?

SPEAKER_00 31:36

I mean, I think it was yes, because I mean, I'm in the the realization, you know, since my mother passed in December, you know, that I have choice. Because for a very long time I I had choice, but I didn't. You know, I I could have been somewhere and if she needed something, I'd have to, I'd have to go home, you know, and I'd have to leave uh wherever I was. And so like it's kind of a little bit overwhelming, um, the power of choice right now because I ha have complete choice, right? I don't have and I'm not married, I don't have children. Um so it's it's kind of freeing at the same time that you know, for so long without having a whole lot of choice, now that I have complete choice, I can kind of like drive my own bus of how my I kind of want my life to go. So it's it's kind of exciting for me. Yeah. So that was yeah, I definitely I the like the topics that you talked about, I felt like are are what I'm living right now.

SPEAKER_01 32:36

Oh, that's always been so the journal entries, the actual journal journaling and going through those daily reflections, you feel like that was beneficial to yes, yes. Good. I feel like that is something that I always did on my own, but I never made it a part of the foundations program until just in the last four months, I guess, because I I always did it on my own and I just didn't make it a part of a part of what the daily goals were. It was more about just tracking. But I feel like that stuff is so important to really truly diving into your motivation.

SPEAKER_00 33:12

And I also like that it's it's focus because when you're a thinker, it can be all over the place, right? And so, like, you know, I have a focus about what I'm thinking and and writing about, which is really helpful because I could it could be the most topics that you feel like you were struggling with, right?

SPEAKER_01 33:32

Right, going through it. My intention, I guess, too, with is to have a daily reflection that's always going to bring you back to that focus. Like through every day of the week, you're gonna somehow be reminded that you have the power of choice and that you can choose your path. So, so then there's a little bit different angle every single day. And you know how it is. Days you get we get busy, we have busy lives, and sometimes it gets overwhelming, and sometimes we lose that. It might be great when we're Sunday morning sitting down, and okay, this is what I'm gonna focus on for the next week. But every day, if you have to reflect on that, I always like to do mine in the morning just because I feel like it kind of sets the tone for the day. But then I work with other people that prefer to do them at night because they just like to do it at night. I like to do my book, my log at the end of the day because then it kind of closes that day down and I don't like think about the things that I didn't accomplish or whatever. But then in the morning I like to do if I can fit it into my schedule, I like to do the reflections because I feel like it just sets the tone for the day. But that's good because it was, like I said, a new element of this program, and I feel like it's been a very important one for me along the way, and so when I put it in there, I hoped that it would really make a difference when we think about motivation. Yes, you know, to really think and think about it enough to put it down into words on a piece of paper, not that you have to fill it out, like it just thinking about it, I think could be beneficial, but to actually write it out on a piece of paper and identify those things, yeah. I just feel like does wonders for the motivation and for sticking with the program, right?

SPEAKER_00 35:10

For sure.

SPEAKER_01 35:11

I think it was week three that you said, Oh, I feel like this is the week I really need. It was energy and intention. Yeah, how did it work out for you? Did you feel like it was as yeah?

SPEAKER_00 35:21

At that point, I was like, Where is my energy gonna be spent? Like, what what where am I headed here? And so it's just interesting to kind of think about that after a long time.

SPEAKER_01 35:30

But yeah, yeah. You know, I find that sometimes to see where my focus is, where my energy is spent during the evenings, like like how much time I'm wasting just sitting down and like scrolling through my phone or anything like that. Just I also have found at times in my life that my energy was like scattered, like I had so many things going that no one, no wonder I wasn't accomplishing any one thing because I was just scattered in too many directions. Um, and how about the confidence and self-trust at the end? The week we're in right now.

SPEAKER_00 36:03

That's probably the one I can do on repeat.

SPEAKER_01 36:06

Really?

SPEAKER_00 36:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:07

Did you try the meditation?

SPEAKER_00 36:08

Have you listened to no, not not yet? No.

SPEAKER_01 36:11

We did it one um one day in the workshop that I run during the days. And I do feel like I want to slow it down a little bit. It's different when I'm sitting in my little studio recording and it's just me, but like when I was listening and I was watching everybody, I felt like it I needed to slow it down just a little bit.

SPEAKER_00 36:28

But but it was yeah, it's probably something I definitely need because, like, like even the other day when I was at one of those boxing classes, the the guy was like, you need to breathe. I'm like, I'm a totally uptight, non-relaxed, like letting go is really hard for me. So I will definitely give that a try because I know I need to, because I that's also part of my, you know, being anxious and all of that. And it's just yeah, that's really hard for me.

SPEAKER_01 37:00

I try to take all of the like the main weekly theme, all of the reflections, and then create the meditation to support all of that. And it's like seven minutes, maybe. So it's a quick meditation, it's just a quick reset, and it does focus on your breathing, it'll guide you through some breathing. I think sometimes people can feel overwhelmed by meditation if they're not used to doing it and they feel like, uh, well, I'm not doing it right because I have too many thoughts like running through my head. But actually, one of the things we talked about in the workshops this week, it was such a good discussion, and we were talking about how we were doing a chapter in the other book, the becoming book, about reflection and about setting aside the space for reflection. And then we I do meditation with them as well. So we were talking about how sometimes it feels like you're doing it wrong because thoughts come to the surface. But then as we reflected, we kind of came to the conclusion that maybe we're not supposed to clear our minds. What we're supposed to do is clear out all the stuff that's cluttering it and let the things that are on your mind come to the surface. Like maybe those are the things that you need to recognize. And instead of like as your thoughts come through your head, like pushing them aside or judging or being critical or whatever, maybe those are the things that your your inner self or your inner wisdom is actually just trying to bring to your attention. We'd never really said it quite in in that way before, but but I think truthfully that's what it's about. Like it's trusting yourself enough to just listen to see what you what comes to mind. Right.

SPEAKER_00 38:33

So that yeah, that is helpful because I would be one of those people that think you're supposed to be like not thinking about anything, and it's really hard to shut your brain off sometimes.

SPEAKER_01 38:43

I guess that's when you do try it, that's the thing to keep in mind. There's one meditation out there that um that you know, there's a few of them that I have out there on the uh YouTube channel that's just total transformation that you could always look through. But the first one that I did was just an introduction to meditation. And it was exactly going through that. Like, like if you can't shut your mind down, you're not really, I don't really think you're supposed to shut your mind down. I think that like just to let things emerge, just to create enough space so that you can reflect is really all that it is is a tool to shut out all of the noise around you and just listen to yourself. That's really all it is. But so with the confidence and self-trust, you felt like that was a good week for you. Yeah. The reflections, yeah. Good. Yeah. Okay, so this program design, the way that it's kind of like holistic, the way that it does the the recording of your daily activities, like your habits, but then the reflection portion of it too. How do you feel that it compares with like past experiences of programs?

SPEAKER_00 39:52

So I would have to say, like, what this does that's very different. And you know, in the even like in the past when I've tried to exercise and lose weight and things like this, this also incorporates the emotional part of it, which is really important to me and really one of probably my biggest struggle. Um and so like I just think it's so helpful to kind of look at more than just your physical self and kind of reflect on that because you know, when life is happening, you don't stop and you don't reflect and you don't think about you know about yourself or or what's going to make you happy, and it's just like really helpful to look at your whole self.

SPEAKER_01 40:38

You know, so because your physical, like we think about our physical health all the time, maybe more than the rest, right? I think that the world we live in today, like we're expected to the expectations placed upon us physically are something that we think about all of the time. Everybody does. But the rest of that stuff gets pushed to the side, and that's the stuff that really truly I think is what dri is driving that.

SPEAKER_00 41:11

That's what I was just gonna say, yes.

SPEAKER_01 41:13

Yeah, it's like we're ignoring the part that that makes it difficult to stick to a routine, or or like sometimes I truly believe also that our body carries weight emotionally that you know manifests as physical. Like that weight that the extra weight that I've been carrying, I feel like is is not necessarily all physical.

SPEAKER_00 41:38

Right. I uh yeah, I completely agree. I feel like if you're not in a good place or getting in a good place emotionally, then none of the uh none of the rest of it matters.

SPEAKER_01 41:49

Yeah. So you kind of already answered this, but just if there's anything that we didn't add, um if you're looking at the full four weeks, everything that we did, how do you feel different from beginning to end?

SPEAKER_00 42:06

So I feel like, well, I mean, like I I definitely can feel myself much happier. Um I feel like I am continuing to grow every day um physically, emotionally, spiritually. Um, that's the other part too. Like I I now have the opportunity to go back to church, which is really good. Um, that's very helpful to me. I I just feel better overall. Like again, like a better person. Like I feel like it's really made me sit down and think about what's important and what I kind of like want for myself.

SPEAKER_01 42:54

That's awesome. Do you feel that like as your physical strength improves, it kind of like your emotional strength and your spiritual strength, and and when I say spiritual, like it's great that you're going back to church, but also spirituality and a sense of like feeling inspired and connected in the world and all of the all of that is included in spiritual health. But but do you feel like one kind of affects the next one?

SPEAKER_00 43:19

I do, I do for sure. I think they're all interconnected, and I think you know, if you're struggling in one place, it really affects all everything else in your life, and I feel like when you just kind of focus on yourself and put yourself first, I just think that you and I I just feel like I've become a different person in this short time, which has been cool, which has been really good.

SPEAKER_01 43:50

What do you feel like is next for you? But we kind of already talked about it. So um you're interested in doing another group. I'm definitely gonna do another one. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 43:58

Um And I'm open to anything else you have for suggestions too.

SPEAKER_01 44:06

I have um, well, I definitely will have some workshops coming out, and they're gonna be more. Um, you know, the other book I wrote, the becoming book that I've talked about a little bit. It's like I guess if I put the two in perspective with each other, foundations is like the day-to-day habits that we build, that we build. And it's called foundations because it's like your most basic foundation. And becoming is like the ground that it's built on. It's like the philosophy behind it. It's like the like in the book, there's like um titles like The Expectation of Should, like how we inhabit these roles in our lives of what everybody has told us our whole life that we should do, and you know, thinking about what we truly want as opposed to what we should want from from society, from other people, from whatever. Like that's just an example, and it's um so there will be, I don't have any workshops for that yet, but I do have um that coming for sure, which I would certainly keep you updated on. I actually the first one I think is gonna be June 20th. I think I had told you a little bit about the garden project I have here, and it's and I have uh the summer book, the Becoming Aligned, is actually gonna be released for the summer solstice. So I want to have like a summer solstice garden party here. So yeah, so I will definitely make sure you can invite to that. I'm super excited about it. Yes, but um and so I'm definitely gonna do another foundations group. Um, and then I also have one-on-one options if if that's something that you want to do, then I can I can send you options for all of them if you want, or you can also do like a group and then just if you want one-on-one, then just check in and reach out from time to time. Like you can really do any combination of any of them. And I'm also gonna give you a copy of the becoming book just to perfect just to for completing the program. I love that. And if you if you I have audiobook and regular, doesn't matter either way. So I have both of those available and whichever one you prefer. But um, yeah, I think that I think that you're in a really good place. Thank you. Yeah, and I'm glad that you want to continue. Yeah, so I guess that's my last question for this is do you really feel like it's worth it to continue? Yes, I do. And not just foundations, but that just the way of the way of life and the focus back on yourself that you've been able to it's just yeah, it's really nice to just have you know a group or a person to kind of talk things out with.

SPEAKER_00 46:47

It's really helpful.

SPEAKER_01 46:48

Yeah, that's good. I'm glad. And it sounds like you have a lot of support in the group, the exercise groups that you go to and the nutrition, and so you have support in like every and I have a fantastic friend group too, so that's really helpful. Yeah, your support network is huge. I guess maybe one last question I have is like so you go to the gym, you go to group classes, you work uh with Johnny on her on like the app and things for your nutrition, and and then you're also doing this. How do you feel like these two things differ and complement each other? Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_00 47:28

Yes. So I mean they definitely complement each other because they're both they both have pushed me in ways that I didn't know I needed to be pushed, and they're different in that like this is much more of an emotional connection to the physical connection, to the spiritual, like to all of those pieces. I mean, yes, there are there's some emotion in the in the exercise class and that the support that you're getting, but this is just very like allows me to focus on me. Yeah, like taking a deep dive and inside, yeah, and and what I really want out of my life.

SPEAKER_01 48:06

Good. And and you know, like I said, my a lot of my experiences, I came from a place where it was like more physical training, but this is just where I've gravitated to because it's more me, you know, I guess with my background. And my hope and intention is that those two things complement each other and it allows you by taking the deep dive in this, it allows you to be able to really tap into the things that affect your motivation in going to the exercise classes and in all of the other things. Good. So I'm glad to know that that all kind of works together because I feel like that's something that I really wanted. I wanted to try to encompass all of those different um elements.

SPEAKER_00 48:45

I don't think I would have been as successful or I wouldn't be as successful as I am right now if I didn't have both. Because I think I would be lacking in one place, and I just think that it just has been it's been good.

SPEAKER_01 48:58

Good, good. Well, I am I love to hear that. I don't want you to stop a week. Do you know what I mean? Like if you want to keep going with it. I you know what I do have, which could be uh, and I think I have copies of it here. I'm pretty sure. So I also have a habit journal, just like a habit journal. Okay, and it doesn't have the daily reflections in it, but what it is is it's a log for everything, it's got the same goal setup, it's got um, and it also has one thing in those books that are not in in this book, and what it has, because I'm kind of a nerd about this stuff, I love like uh data and the numbers, and I feel like the numbers don't lie. So in in this book, we totaled up every week, right? And how many points that you had or whatever, but in these other foundation books, because they're more long-term and it's not just a four-week reset, it's got a graph where you plot your points every week. Okay. So that, and then I make mine into like a timeline and I put like significant events on here, like okay, like the all the pipes were leaking in the bathroom and I had a melting, you know, or whatever, or hurt my knee or head knee surgery or whatever it was. So then what it gives me is like a picture of a snapshot of what it looks like, and then you can look at trends, and then you can really identify, you can look at a glance at like behavior patterns. Okay. So that you if it like drops, if it drops significantly, then you can say, okay, let's identify the things that happened in this week that affected my motivation and why I didn't why I didn't complete as many goals, or if you had a really good week, then you can say, I did awesome this week. I can now take that information and I can kind of recreate it again. And I've kind of been messing around with that. I missed in this book that it doesn't have the graph, but it's only four weeks, and it's not going to give you the same idea. But if I give you a habit journal for the in-between before the new group starts, then you can continue on with your same goals, and then you can um start that graph, and you can put the first four weeks in that graph so that you can because you rather than start from you've already got four weeks in, and it's exactly the same process, and then you can just start adding to that so that you can start to see your timeline on a bigger scale if you're gonna continue it. Perfect. I just have found it so beneficial to do that.

SPEAKER_00 51:27

I do I I mean, I feel like this is something like you know, it's four weeks, but four weeks isn't gonna be long enough to get to where I need to be. And so, like, I I feel like why one has been going so well, and I it's pushing me in ways I haven't been pushed in a long time that I just I need to continue.

SPEAKER_01 51:46

Okay. And I can also take um like I'll before the next group starts, it won't be too long, but I want to give everybody a chance to decide if they want to do it. I might have uh there's a couple different people that are interested in joining. I still want it to be a very small group. Right. I don't want it to be very big at all because I feel like the group is beneficial, but it but it a small group is important to be able to have like good discussions. Right.

SPEAKER_00 52:15

I felt like it wasn't overwhelming to kind of say things that were hard to say.

SPEAKER_01 52:19

Yeah, exactly. And I feel like to make sure that everybody has a chance to talk and I'm not rushing through everything and everybody can feel comfortable sharing. Like I really feel like the weekly meetings should be no more than five to like eight people, five to eight would be like a max, and even eight would be maybe pushing a little bit, it might be more like five. Yeah, so because we had about that some a little somewhere around there, a couple weeks were five, I think maybe I don't know, or maybe four, but I feel like that was a really good size group. So but I will give you those resources as you leave today so that you can keep going. Oh, and I was gonna say too, like, so in the meantime, if you want some daily reflections and journaling prompts, I have like a whole year's worth of 52 weeks of that. So I could send you like a PDF of that if you want to continue that practice. They wouldn't be the exact same ones, but they're still they're still good. I would kind of probably move you into the five and six, like five and six week five and six, and then uh and then it will give you something so that you can maintain those practices because you've already developed them and you don't want to you don't want to stop. So I'll figure out the best way to get those to you too. Cool. Do you have anything else that you want to add or like any questions for me? I know that this was your one-on-one for the focus group, and um I want to make sure that you feel good about bringing it to a close and that you don't have anything else.

SPEAKER_00 53:56

I don't have any questions for I just want to say thank you. Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 54:00

I'm so glad that you did it. I'm so glad I've you're right, I've known you for a long time. Like we've we're in the same area, so we've I know, right?

SPEAKER_00 54:07

We've we've lived parallel lives. We have for a long time, yes. Um, and I just appreciate like you being so open and and you know, allowing and making people feel like it's okay to just talk.

SPEAKER_01 54:22

No, you're gonna be quite.

SPEAKER_00 54:23

Oh no, sorry. I'm sorry, I really do I really do appreciate it.

SPEAKER_01 54:27

I I really appreciate you saying it, and I also want to say that that is like my biggest driving force. I want people, I think that we all feel that way. We all feel all this pressure in our life all the time, and we have all these expectations that we live up to and all these roles that we are expected to assume. And and it's overwhelming, and it's and I think that people can sometimes make us feel guilty for taking care of ourselves. And and I think that it's we're so critical of ourselves, so critical of ourselves that it is hard to sometimes take a minute for you, and also the fact that once you do that, it's going to expand into all of your relationships in your life. So even when you sometimes have people that aren't as it's scary, right? Change is scary. So if you have people in your life that that creates fear in them because it's maybe going to change your relationship with them, I I think that the important thing to do is number one, communicate what you're going through, but but also the fact that you are are taking care of you and you feel more fulfilled and you feel happy, like that is going to expand into every single area of your life. And I just I think people can especially I don't work with only women, and I hate to say it's like a male-female thing, but I feel like women especially feel guilty when we shift the focus to ourselves because we are the nurturers, we are the ones that take care of everybody else. So giving ourselves permission to take care of ourselves is hard to do.

SPEAKER_00 56:15

It is, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 56:16

So yeah. So I really I thank you for being a part of it, and I'm glad that you're gonna continue. Thank you. Thank you for listening. I hope you were able to hear, not just experienced over the past four weeks, but how she experienced it. The honesty, the uncertainty, the growth, and the willingness to keep going, even without having everything figured out. If any part of her story felt familiar to you, if something resonated even quietly, that's worth paying attention to. The next Foundations 4 group will be beginning in the coming weeks. It's a space to do this kind of work in a way that is structured, supportive, and grounded in your real life, not separate from it. I keep these groups intentionally small so there's space for real conversation and connection, which means there are a limited number of spots available. If you're interested or even just curious, you can message me directly. I'm always happy to talk through it with you and see if it feels like the right next step. You can also find more about what I do by visiting my website at totaltransformation. And you can sign up there to receive my newsletters and updates on everything that I have coming up. And as always, becoming, always returning. See you next time.