Forgivness Part 2

Forgiveness isn’t a one-time decision—it’s a daily surrender.

After the response to our first conversation, we’re going deeper. Because the truth is, forgiveness doesn’t always happen all at once… and sometimes the real work begins after we think we’ve already let it go.

In this episode of A Rebel No More, we talk about what it looks like to forgive when the pain lingers, when the memories come back, and when your emotions don’t match your decision. This is about real forgiveness—the kind that requires humility, obedience, and trust in God’s justice over our own.

Being a rebel once meant holding onto anger, pride, and pain.
 But real rebellion now?

Choosing to forgive again… and again… and again.

✨ Let God heal what still hurts
 ✨ Release what you keep picking back up
 ✨ Walk in the freedom you’ve been called to

If you thought forgiveness was hard the first time—this is where it becomes transformational.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:32

Hey guys, welcome back to a Rebel No More podcast with your host Jane Fearstock. So I think this is episode 14 or 15. Oh, wait, I think I'm lying. I think it's probably like 13 or 14. And uh previously I did do a podcast on forgiveness and being new to this podcast world, uh, you get uh apps that tell you where people listen and devices where they're at, things like that. And it also tells you what podcast uh episodes are your most listened to. Forgiveness was one of the hardest hit podcasts of mine, and granted I don't have that many, that's okay. Um, I thought it was pretty neat to see that because um it wasn't only neat, I wasn't surprised either, because forgiveness is such a heavy, heavy, heavy topic and is so hard. Um, and I think people really generally I let me step back. I'm I'm not gonna speak on behalf of everybody, these are just my own opinions. So there's no like data or anything. I don't want to be like misspoke or anything, but in my opinion, it seems that people really, really struggle with forgiveness. And I say that because it was my hardest hit podcast. So it tells me people want to know more about it. And um I know that everybody's different, and again, we are all human beings by nature. Like that's just that's what we are. Okay, there's there's no changing that. That's just we're people. And we have our own feelings and we have um our own belief systems, and sometimes, depending at where we are on our walks, especially if you're a Christian listening to this, forgiving somebody could actually be pretty difficult, uh, especially if it's something pretty heavy, you know, like um adultery or um I don't know. Whatever. Um this is really this forgiveness is really deep. And a lot of times people think that when you say I forgive someone, you're saying that, you know what, that behavior is great, it's okay. Um, I'm gonna go ahead and forget that. Um, but that's not what that's like. And in biblical forgiveness, it can kind of, I don't want to say costs you, but it does require you to lay down your pride, it requires you to lay down your hurt, and it definitely requires your right to be angry, and um, you know, with Easter coming up and everything, um it just makes me like just think a little bit harder on it because I know I I'm not my goal, my podcast is never to give anybody wrong information or misguide you or anything. Always do your work, don't get secondhand Jesus from me. Like, I'm not in scripture, I'm I was not involved in God, did not ask me to to breathe it, to breathe this. Um hey, I but I need you to write. No, no one has ever involved me in this process. So this is literally my own thoughts, my own ideas, my own experience. And from what I've read, you know, I'm pretty sure it's in scripture that you can be the most loyal, God loving, God fearing. Um, you know that you know that you know you're going to heaven, and then you have a an issue over here, and you can't forgive. I don't want to get to heaven, and Jesus, like, who's this? Like, many will cast demons in my name, but I won't know you. Like, that's scary, like that's heavy, and then like knowing for me that God won't forgive me if I don't forgive someone else, and that kind of makes sense if you think about it, because God sent his only begotten son, he took for he we're forgiven because of his son, and I'm gonna struggle forgiving you for I don't know, not paying me back thirty dollars or not forgive you for you know, I I don't know, whatever. And then you you I think I'm gonna go stand before God and be forgiven, and I can't even forgive someone for something respectfully that's petty. I mean, I know that you have feelings and I don't want to devalidate them, but at the end of the day, it's pretty petty if you can't forgive somebody, in my opinion. Like, just forgive them. Like, I'm also speaking from a different place. I both my parents are no longer here. Um, I personally know what it's like to have a my dad left and didn't come home from work, he passed away. So I know what it's like to have someone walk out the door and not come home. So for me, forgiveness looks a lot different than someone else who may not have my life experience. I know through my personal experience that there's a chance that that person I'm in a TIFF or whatever with, there's a there's a chance that that person could maybe not come home or back into my life again. And there could be unresolved tension, whatever there when they're gone forever. And you can never get that back. Like that's you got to live with that moment the rest of your life. Like, no, thank you. And I'm not judging, I'm not saying anything. I'm again, this is me, my area, my beliefs, my experiences have taught me just forgive, like, forgive. There, there's nothing somebody can do that is not something you can't forgive them. And, you know, like I said, you know, it is it is holy week, I believe. And what gets me the most about forgiveness, you guys, and like I'm just gonna be honest with you. There's some things in in scripture, or at least on this walk, where it's like, okay, that is so obvious. Wow, how can anybody miss this? And that's gonna look different for everybody, like areas of this. So, like, I'm over here, like, listen, you guys should forgive, blah, blah, blah. It's so easy. Please don't hear what I'm not saying. It's just easy for me because in my own experiences have been shaped and they've they are what they are, and you know, I've I've learned how to um I've learned how to forgive at a young age because like you just have to, and I didn't understand the purpose of it biblically, but you guys, we've if you are a Christian, and I and and I I mean like if you are a believer, excuse me, my throat's dry. If you are a believer and you are literally trying to pick up your cross every single day and you are dying to your flesh, you're going to want to naturally just do things that God desires. So if you happen to be someone who does struggle with forgiveness, as you walk and grow your relationship with God, Jesus, and you know, Holy Spirit will nudge you. He will nudge you when when it's time. Only God knows. And, you know, like I said, um, and and I think I I don't know if I said it today or on previous podcasts, but even if you aren't in a place where you truly forgive that person and you're like, no, like I'm totally hurt, I'm offended, um, like this person's like done, like they could die tomorrow. I want oh well, okay, give that to God. And it's okay to go into prayer like that. God wants you. God is just because you can't physically see God and He's there, okay? Just picture some, picture whatever you think God looks like sitting next to you, and you go to God and you're like, I can't shake this, like I am so incredibly hurt, God. Like you need to fix it because you can't fix it. Like us as people, we have no ability to fix things. That's why we need Jesus to fix it. And so when you struggle with forgiveness and you can't forgive, but you're going to God to learn to forgive, and you tell God, like, hey, I don't forgive this person between you and I, God, I don't forgive this person. And you know that because you know what's in my heart. I can't hide from you. So you see what's in my heart, God. But you see that I want to be obedient to you. You see how important you are in my life, God. And I know that by me coming to you, God, in prayer and giving you this, you're going to fix this. And you are going to give me the forgiveness I need because you always hold true to your promises. And I am coming to you, God, and I'm giving this to you, God, and I'm leaning on you, God, that you will fix this. And over time, you know, you will, you will realize, like, wow, oh my gosh, I don't, I don't think I feel like hostile towards, oh my gosh, did I forgive that person? It will happen. And I know, like, when I was a new Christian, like when I was like 16 or 15, whatever, 13, I don't know how old I was. I'd have to go back and listen to my podcast. I my friend had to correct me. I thought I was like 14. But anyway, I never understood, like, and even actually, let me take this back even a couple years ago. I misspoke. Let me go back like a year ago, maybe even six months ago. Heck, maybe even yesterday. Um, Pastor Kelly said something that was like, um, even if you he just, I don't remember how he said it, but basically he made it out for me to understand like, even if we're not sorry in that moment, and even though you're like really struggling, if you take this to God and you just keep going with it, it's it you're going to eventually just it will get forgiven. Like you will eventually want to do the things that the Holy Spirit wants to do naturally, and those things come with time and maturity on your walk. Like, I'm still over here, like not even in the meat of scripture, I don't think. I might maybe I am because I think when you're in the meat of it, you're like living it and you're actually practicing it, like not becoming offended or forgiving somebody. So, um, you know, one of the things that kind of puts a picture on forgiveness for me is, and I'm really sorry if this upsets or offends anybody because this this happened, was when they were crucifying Jesus. I want to say it's in Luke, or I think it's Luke 23. Um Luke tells us that, you know, well Jesus was up there being crucified, he was praying for the people that were crucifying him. Jesus was saying, Father, forgive them because they don't know what they're doing. And what Jesus is saying here is um, and it's in it's in scripture, the fight isn't flesh against flesh, it's not that's that's not what we're fighting. We're fighting like spirit, like we're fighting bad and good. And so by that I mean if anybody on this planet could stop doing whatever it is that they need to stop or want to stop, they would just say, Okay, I'm done, and they would never do that again. Now, are there people out there who can do that? Probably, I'm sure there are. So, like, for an example, um, you're not supposed to like say bad words, and you know, sometimes something does fly out of my mouth, and I spoke and behaved like that for 43 years, so I need to give myself grace and remind myself that this is a lifelong journey, and God will remove the things and fix the things in us as we go. But if I could fix myself, I would, but I can't. I need Jesus, I need I need God to do that, and so in doing so, leaning on God and and just taking your frustrations, your whatever, whatever emotions you have that aren't right, um take it to God and just like you guys. Forgiveness is like legit, like hardcore. Like you, like if you're a Christian and you died to your flesh and you were like, Jesus, I live for you. I'm going to do what you want me to do, and you struggle with forgiveness, friends, you gotta check that heart. I strongly recommend checking that heart. And I'm not saying that to be judgmental, that's not what I'm doing. All I'm trying to do is express to you how important forgiveness is in being obedient to God's word because we do need it to be forgiving people. Okay. When we when we forgive somebody, we're saying that I am releasing this, I don't want to hold on to this hurt or pain or whatever. Okay, what it's saying is I trust God with justice. Remember, vengeance is his. I trust God with justice, and I am not going to allow this to make my heart hard. Like I am not going to allow these negative feelings someone did make my heart hard. Because I want to love you, God. I trust you with justice, and I know that you will have my back at the end of the day. I know my father has my back. Forgiveness isn't saying, like, I'm gonna pretend this didn't happen, I'm gonna sweep this under the rug, and we're just gonna continue on and have this happy, loving relationship. It's done. Like, whatever. You don't have to forgive, and for, I mean, hold on. You do need to forgive, but you don't need to forget. I think that you should use wisdom. I think that you should use your discernment. You know, if someone's, you know, if you're at work every day and your lunch goes missing out of your refrigerator at work, you know, like that. If you're stealing someone, I've had this happen to me in the workplace, like in an office setting. Like people would steal other people's lunches. My thought was one, I I wasn't a Christian at that time, like I am now, like living. I mean, I believed in Jesus, but I wasn't living the life I should have been. I would, I don't recall getting angry, like, what the okay? Because I was also a lot heavier then. So if there was a reason to eat out, I was I was all for it. So I need to be very clear when my lunch got stolen at work. I was okay with it. Only because I could order something out. But on the flip side of it, on the flip side, totally being honest and real with you, another thought came to my mind when I was talking to one of the my coworkers. And I was like, if someone has to steal lunch out of the refrigerator, they probably need that lunch or whatever, a lot more than I do. And at that time or whatever, I was probably in a position to where it wasn't a big deal and I could just order food out. Like I said, if there was a way to order food out, I was gonna take it. But like you can also choose on how you see the the situation. And in that situation, I was okay with someone taking my lunch because I would just go order it. But on the flip side of it, if someone's stealing a lunch out of a refrigerator at work, they're either really, really cheap and don't want to um fend for themselves, or um, you know, there's obviously some other reason that they're taking something that doesn't necessarily belong to them or even asked for it, you know. So, you know, forgiveness is kind of like, you know, you kind of got to pick your battle. Like, do you want this in your heart and feel nasty and and just be just feel this yuck, or just you know what? I'm gonna forgive them. But I'm not going to forget, and I'm going to use my wisdom the next time this situation comes up, or this person's around, or you can love them from afar and just not be around that person. There's nothing wrong with that. There's literally nothing wrong with that. Like there's you can love people from afar. Just because someone's in your life right now, or like an altercation happens, doesn't mean you have to keep them there. You can love people from a distance. There's that is totally okay. Setting and establishing boundaries for yourself and your inner peace to keep you right with God. And if you've got God in your center and and you've you're right vertically with God, your horizontal stuff outside that you see with your eyes, all that's gonna fall in line because you're you're in the word, you're you're in it, you're you know, all of these things are gonna fall together as you walk through your your sanctification process. Like, you know, for some of you who are either new like me to this, or maybe you know about this and you're just coming back to it, forgiveness is hard, it is very difficult, but at the end of the day, forgiveness is about obedience to God. That's ultimately the end all be all. Like, like you, you it's like if you're married or whatever, it you know how they have the there's an order. There's God, your spouse, your kids, right? When I choose to forgive whether whatever the situation is, putting, you know, putting those feelings of her, those are all valid feelings. You those are valid, okay? But we don't need to respond with them and we don't need to react on them. What we do need to do is stop, think, evaluate, forgive, not forget, use wisdom, use your discernment. You know, it's just be smart about it. Matthew 6, 14 says, for if you forgive others of their offenses, your heavenly father will forgive you as well. I'm gonna read that again. For if you forgive others of their offenses, so Matthew's saying, if you forgive, if, if is a choice, Matthew isn't saying you have to forgive others, God gave us free will. We have a right. We have a choice. We have a decision to make. And in this decision, if you choose, if you forgive others, so if I'm going to forgive you of what you did to me, your heavenly father will forgive you as well. That's not something to take lightly, friends. Like, listen, I'm going to reread that again. And this is out of the Christian Standard Bible. I'm going to read Matthew 6, 14, and it states, For if you forgive others of offend of their offenses, your Heavenly Father will forgive you as well. That is not light. So if there's something you've been holding on to and you're struggling, and you just, I just this it could be the most I'm not going to get explicit because I don't mark my stuff as explicit content. But if you can think of the most disgusting, dramatic, horrible thing that could be done to you, and you're holding on to that, this is your moment to surrender it. And it's not because that person deserves your forgiveness, okay? It has nothing to do with them, but because God is calling you to do it. Remember, Matthew told us if you forgive others of their offenses, your heavenly father will forgive you as well. I don't know about you, and my husband will tell me this, and he tells our kids this. I love you guys, I really do. But I love God, and God is his center, that is his number one, and it should be. Because if he's right with God, all the rest of his life is gonna be right because his sight is on God. You don't have to be perfect at forgiveness, you just need to be willing to do this. You just have to be willing to put your pride down. You have to be willing to say, you know what, I forgive you. And if it's really that hard, and you know, I know that we all have our past and we all have things, childhood traumas, and we've had things that were done to us at very young ages that should never have never should have happened to you. And you are not forgiving that person because you want to, but because God has called you to do it. You need to be willing to do it. Put your action into motion. Genesis said, God created the heavens and the earth. Like he said, let there be light. There was light. God will soften your heart if you ask him to give him your struggles. Tell him, like, help me release this. Like, and just you need to trust that God will meet you there. God knows forgiveness is hard, you guys. Okay, it is very hard. I mean, Jesus was praying for people who were crucifying him, you guys. They were this man was perfect. He did nothing wrong. He did nothing wrong, okay? Nothing wrong. And he is, Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they're doing. Like they're killing me with stones and anything else, and whatever else goes on in the crucifixion. And he's praying for them because Jesus saw it wasn't them, the flesh. Jesus knew that, which is why Jesus was able to say, forgive them, Father. They have no idea what they're doing. They don't. And you know what? We don't either. We are no different. But if you're willing to soften yourself and you're willing to put that pride down, and you ask God, hey, release this from me, and you trust and you know that you know that God will meet you there, you will get your forgiveness. Staying bound to it and tied up and shackled in that, that's not freedom. That that's not that's not what you want to live like. I don't. You need to choose, I'm sorry, let's choose freedom, let's choose obedience, and let's choose to live more like Jesus every single day. Let's put our pride down. I struggled with pride, and you know what? In situations, I still do. I do. I'm not perfect. I'm not even gonna pretend to be perfect at all. But you owe it to yourself and your relationship and your obedience to God to open your mind and your heart if you struggle with forgiveness to start that path. Like today's the day. It's hard, you guys. And like I said, I I'm new to this uh spiritual walk. I'm also new to the podcast world. And my hopes is that through this walk and through these podcasts and through my experiences, I can help just even one person. People say and explain things differently, and some stuff I say may open your mind and it may prompt you to dig in deeper. That's that's what I hope. Don't assume I know what I'm talking about. I'm on the same walk you guys are, I'm the same hot mess. But I want you to be able to get the freedom I have and to talk about God and to talk about his son, Jesus, and to spread the good news because we don't have to live bound up. We can choose to forgive, we can choose obedience, we can choose Jesus, we can choose the way. You just gotta be willing to put down the pride, put down the world, soften the flesh, and loud in your spirit and soul, feed it, get in the word, listen to worship music, pray, pray, pray, pray. God, open my heart, be louder, make my soul and spirit loud, quiet to flesh. Maybe that'll help. Maybe it won't. I don't know. I know sometimes I do need to get that deep with it and just basically beg it like you need to get rid of this, like this is done. You know, everyone has a relationship with God if you're a believer and everyone's relationship and walk is gonna look different. We're here to help each other, we're here to build each other, and we're here to we're here to love each other and to live and encourage each other to live more like Jesus and be more like Jesus because love conquers a multitude of sins. And if we're out here loving and loving and loving, we can't be out there hating and hating and fighting flesh against flesh, and we can spread love and love and be the love and be the light just like Jesus was. If you guys have any prayer requests, I'd love to pray for you. Or if you have any comments or questions, please feel free to reach out to me. You can reach out to me in a few ways. You can reach out to me on TikTok, Jane F A Z17. You can reach out to me on Facebook, a Rebel No More. You can also uh send me an email. My email address is J C Krim K-R-I-M, like Mary, 81 at gmail.com. I hope that this helped anybody who struggles with forgiveness today. I hope that um you were released from whatever feelings that may have kept you or have made you feel trapped. And my prayers are that you get freedom and you get peace and you get the forgiveness that you need. And um, God bless you all. Thank you so much for your love and support. Have a nice day.