Episode 4: It's Not You. A Partner's Guide to Perimenopause.

This episode isn't for her. It's for you.

If someone sent you this, it's because she's trying to reach you in the best way she knows how. And if you're willing to listen for 17 minutes, this episode will give you more clarity than most men ever get about what's actually happening to the woman they love.

Crystal Burke, NP and Dr. Steven Youngblood — partners in life and in medicine — talk honestly about what perimenopause looks like from both sides of the relationship. Steve shares what it was like to watch Crystal go through it without either of them knowing what it was. Crystal explains what was actually happening in her body, her brain, and her sense of self.

In this episode:

🔹 Why she's not doing this on purpose and has almost no control over it 

🔹 Why her emotional reactions may seem completely out of proportion — and why that's physiological, not personal 

🔹 What's actually happening to her libido and why it's not about you 

🔹 How to bring it up if you figured it out before she did 

🔹 What to do if she doesn't want treatment 

🔹 The one thing every partner needs to hear

Plus a rapid fire Q&A answering the questions partners are actually asking but don't know how to say out loud.

It's not you. It's not her. It's biology. And now you'll know what to do with that.

🎙️ Perimenopause Explained by The Menopause Clinic in New Orleans. 

Learn more at menopauselouisiana.com

www.menopauselouisiana.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

You're listening to Fred Metaplaus Explained. This show is about Fray Metaplaus. Yeah, before Metaplause. When things start changing, often before anyone calls it MetaPlay.

SPEAKER_02 0:11

Each episode is real talk from real questions to explain what's going on in your body. No hype, no minimizing, straight hands, just an honest conversation.

SPEAKER_01 0:19

If something feels off and you haven't gotten clear explanation yet, this podcast is for you. If you're listening to this, someone probably sent it to you. And if she sent it to you, she's not giving up on you. She's trying to reach out to you in any way that she knows how.

SPEAKER_02 0:35

Hi, I'm Steven Yumblod, medical director and co-founder of the Menopause Clinic. If you're watching this, I know exactly how you're feeling because I've been in that spot as well.

SPEAKER_01 0:46

I'm Crystal Burke, nurse practitioner and menopause specialist, and Steven's partner. This episode is personal for both of us. Perimenopause is her experience. It's what happens to her body, but it also affects everyone around her. And so it's important to understand what's happening and that this is happening to her. It's not something that she's doing, or a lot of times something she even knows what it is. But because you are important to her, we're gonna talk all of that through and hopefully it'll be helpful for you too. So let's start with you.

SPEAKER_02 1:21

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:22

So when I was going through the worst of perimenopause, so when I was crying over nothing, sleeping two hours a night, completely overwhelmed, and had no idea of what was happening. You were there. What was it like for you?

SPEAKER_02 1:37

So, you know, there's probably a dozen comedians out there telling, you know, stories and skits on, you know, situations like this, not realizing what is actually happening. You know, as a as a guy, we have a tendency to want to fix things. That's kind of the one of the cores of being a dude, if you will. And so, you know, when you see someone crying, you you ask what the matter is, and then they say, Well, nothing. That doesn't make sense. Well, you're crying. It what did I do? And you're gonna default to like, what did I do wrong? Or what did I do, you know? And so I think that's one of the things that is difficult for guys because we we sense and and see evidence of something is not what it was two, three years ago, six months ago, whatever it is. Something has changed, it's subtle at first, it happens over, you know, courses of months to years, but we don't know what to do with it. You know, we don't know how to approach it, we don't even know what it is.

SPEAKER_00 2:38

She doesn't either.

SPEAKER_02 2:39

She doesn't either.

SPEAKER_00 2:39

She doesn't either use it.

SPEAKER_02 2:41

It's something I did. I'm not doing something I'm supposed to. And you know, probably the reflex to do things, more things, which may not actually, which is not going to help, might make it worse. So I think that that's where it gets really difficult for guys is you know, you just you see you know it's there, you know something is is there, you don't know what it is, you don't know what to do, and you default to what you always do, which is try to fix it, offer advice, or withdraw.

SPEAKER_01 3:09

I think that's a lot, that's the way a lot of partners feel. Like you're there, you're present, you're trying, you don't know what's wrong, she doesn't know what's wrong, and really no one can fix it. It's a confusing time for everyone. So let's talk about what really what happens in perimetopause. So it starts with progesterone dropping, and then estrogen is going up and down, and her brain is trying to compensate and can't because it's beyond her control, and every day is different because sometimes the estrogen is high, sometimes it's low, sometimes it's high and low on the same day, and she can feel totally different from one hour to the next, and it is affecting her brain in a way that she can't control. So it can affect partners and children and and work colleagues, and it affects everything. It's human nature for for you to say, you know, I want to fix it, I want to do whatever I can, and she doesn't know how to fix it either.

SPEAKER_02 4:04

Because it's it hasn't been talked about, you know, it's kind of uh every almost every society has a celebration for when a woman comes of age.

SPEAKER_00 4:14

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 4:14

But as a woman leaves fertility Oh, there's an ass celebration for that.

SPEAKER_00 4:21

A complete silence. Complete silence.

SPEAKER_02 4:24

Your uselessness to society is now over. You may wander out into the desert.

SPEAKER_00 4:29

Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_02 4:30

Oh my goodness. I think you know it's it gets difficult forever, because again, it's it's an unnamed beast at first. It's an unnamed entity, you don't know what it is, you're going to doctors, they're running tests, they're telling you different bad advice, yada yada.

SPEAKER_01 4:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 4:46

But it's it's an unknown beast for most people right now. It's just thing.

SPEAKER_01 4:50

And I think a lot of partners wonder if the woman is changed, like the way the way she feels about the partner is different. Did something change with that? Does she no longer want to be with them? Because she, you know, is she unhappy with them? It's really sad because she's not happy either, usually. Anxiety and depression at at this point are high. She's usually not sleeping. Libido's usually gonna be low, and she has no idea why. But of course, I mean, it's also human, it's human nature to want to fix things. It's also human nature to wonder if it's you and and does that, does the woman still love you? A lot of partners feel like that, and a lot of times both people are feeling like that and nobody's talking. So, I mean, that's that's a big thing. But you were amazing throughout all of the time. I mean, you you had to be wondering, you can't you might have even noticed it before I did.

SPEAKER_02 5:45

I think it helped because it gets complicated. You were very vocal about the issues that were going on. So you have this, so in a way, though we didn't know what the the beast was, we knew the symptoms of the beast. We had, yeah, you know, we didn't have a name for the entity yet, but we had symptoms, right? So and some of them are like, you know, whatever, you know. Like you come out, you you come out of the shower at night and you're you're hot, and I'm like, well, you just had a hot shower.

SPEAKER_01 6:13

No, no, no, and I know, I know it seemed that to be that way, but no.

SPEAKER_02 6:18

But that's my point.

SPEAKER_01 6:19

My point is, you know, as there there is a symptom, and it seems, well, it seems kind of it was burning from the inside, even after standing under cold water. I never had any hot flashes.

SPEAKER_02 6:30

Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 6:31

I never how much, so I had no idea that that was a part of this, but yeah, and I and I'm gonna tell you, I appreciate every time you went up on a ladder to prove to me that the vent was not broken. I appreciate Matt. That's the complicated thing, too, is I appreciated that you tried to fix something. Like you tried to fix what you could. I appreciated that.

SPEAKER_02 6:51

Let's go down a list of like the things that happened to us, the symptoms. So because people are listening to this and they're and they're trying to like what are some of the symptoms? So we talked a little bit about not classical hot flashes. I think everyone would notice that to some extent, but yeah, but it's you know it's the things like your regulation, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:09

That because I didn't know I knew to look for hot flashes, but and well, when I was 50, not 37, but yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:17

But then there are ones that we never really talked about. I mean, we did talk about some of them. Like we talked about anxiety. I didn't tell you about depression, right?

SPEAKER_02 7:26

But I was really so, so, so just backing up a little bit to the to the temperature thing, right? So in you in our case, and it's probably other people's cases, you know, you you're coming out of the shower, hot, or you're coming to bed, you're either sweating, you want you know the the room ice cold.

SPEAKER_01 7:41

I would probably But it didn't want to be touched.

SPEAKER_02 7:44

Right. Didn't want to be touched.

SPEAKER_01 7:45

But by the sheets, by I mean, it had nothing to do with you. It was just it was me.

SPEAKER_02 7:50

The the uh probably fought over the thermostat a few times, you know, like in here in the day. Yeah, you know, yeah. And and it it was crazy because I've I remember you making it cold and hot within the same day.

SPEAKER_01 8:04

Yeah, yeah. I liked I liked both at the same time because it was just gonna flip one or the other. So yeah.

SPEAKER_02 8:11

So and you know, so there's a lot of temperature regulation, you know. We remember first started dating, I was amazed we'd go outside in the cold and you'd be like wearing a light jacket and I would be bundled up, you know. So it was and then you'd flip to, you know, a couple of years later, won't go out in the cold. Yeah. Just refute. Like it's too cold now. You're going out. And so it's uh interesting. Again, over the course of a couple years, don't see it as a big change, but it is a big change, significant change from your baseline.

SPEAKER_01 8:42

Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 8:43

Well, you brought up big anxiety. I mean, let's talk about anxiety.

SPEAKER_01 8:46

So I I definitely had anxiety, and I think we've I think we talked about it though. I mean, this is the thing, is like some of these symptoms uh a lot of women will talk about. Some of them they won't, some of them will talk about some symptoms and not the other ones. So, I mean, that's the thing to know for a partner to know is that even if she talks to you about some symptoms, she may not be talking to you about all of them. So what you see every day might not be all of it, even if she's vocal. Right.

SPEAKER_02 9:14

So, from my perspective, you know, what noticing the emotional changes, you know, crying when it's kind of inappropriate. Like my fair lady, I believe it was.

SPEAKER_01 9:25

It was yeah, it was my fair lady. It was the time I got uh this wasn't the time, but I did I did a lot of ridiculous things. Like I booked a vacation for the wrong year one time. That didn't upset me. At that point, I was like, I don't I didn't really care about that. But the time I remember there was a time I booked a spool reservations and we got there and it was the wrong day. It devastated me.

SPEAKER_02 9:45

I mean, my brain was not working the way that it's interesting because I do remember that, and I remember thinking at the time your response to that was out of proportion to what was going on.

SPEAKER_01 9:55

Oh, and and the thing is, is I knew it was. I knew that this is absolutely ridiculous that I'm crying and almost hysterical. This is as it was happening, I was also thinking this is absolutely ridiculous, but I could not stop. It's it's it was a physical reaction.

SPEAKER_02 10:15

And as as a as a guy, you're seeing this, so you're seeing this reaction, and the context is what the hell's wrong with him? This is not a big deal. That that's the context.

SPEAKER_01 10:25

Well, I would have thought the same thing.

SPEAKER_02 10:29

What the hell's wrong with you?

SPEAKER_01 10:31

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 10:32

So not having the context, because that's the thing, right? You see these reactions happen, and you know, guys have a tendency to chalk it up to oh, she's just being a girl, she's just being, you know, a woman. This is what they do. In reality, if you look back over time, you can see people, you know, you might you might remember if I go back far enough, I can remember this where there's some craziness happens, and it was like, oh, well, whatever, let's just do this. Yeah. But which was equally equal to the event. So there's two equal events, but in the one that way out, right? So I think, you know, as as a guy, without having that perspective, again, without having a name to the beast, it's just what the heck's going on? This makes no sense to me.

SPEAKER_01 11:13

So let me put it to you this way. I handle all of Katrina better than I handle that one day that I scheduled her wrong. Yeah. Like there's it's the issues with dopamine, serotonin and a cortisol. That this is this is a real, it's a real physiological problem that she can't she can't almost can't control a lot of times. And then on top of that, usually doesn't understand. But the fact is, is that it is treatable and there is a solution, but it's getting there.

SPEAKER_02 11:40

That's getting well again, good fight to realize what the issues are. Because if you don't realize it at 37, 40, you know, 35 to 40, it's like yeah, everything's fine. Okay. Um, so some other symptoms, brain fog.

SPEAKER_01 11:53

So let's talk about, you know, the brain fog issues, like like the time I put the salt in the cabinet. Like I just like put things in ridiculous places that don't belong and I forget where I'm doing what I'm doing, and I can't. The biggest problem though for brain fog for with me was for work. I couldn't sit still, like complete lack of attention. Would read uh would read a paragraph over and over and over and have no idea. And I'm I'm sure that we had several, several, several conversations that I had no clue we had the next day.

SPEAKER_02 12:25

No, luckily, as a guy, we we do that a lot, so it's not as noticeable to us because there's a possibility I might have forgot the conversation as well. Uh advantage being a guy in that scenario. But I do know I times notice, you know, like distractability, like you said, you know, not being able to stay on focused on something.

SPEAKER_01 12:44

Yeah, yeah. But like I I'll try to go from the bedroom to the kitchen, but then I'll get distracted by the this over here. And then we'll try to wash clothes. But if we get distracted for the start button, and I mean, it's a very real thing. And it's it's a very real thing that that is beyond what my personality has been like ever before. And one of the things I think this is too one of the things that can be hard for relationships. And we never talked about this, but but when estrogen is low and testosterone is low, you can have a complete lack of motivate motivation. Like I don't want to get out of bed, I don't want to go to work, I don't care if I'm late to work, I don't care if I'm late to dinner, I don't care if I'm late to anything, no matter how much I do care about it. It I I think that is one of the other issues that can affect a relationship.

SPEAKER_02 13:36

So because guys are pretty much like trained good doctors. It starts in 30 minutes, it's 10 minutes away, we're relate. We gotta be there. Yeah. So yeah. So I I I totally get that. Um, so let's talk a little bit about like how we went from once we kind of come up with the name, like once we know, once we knew what was going on. So, so you you figured it out. It wasn't me. You figured it all out on your own. Brain fog, sweating, tachycardia, sleep deprivation. I mean, honestly, that's impressive to figure something out through all of that.

SPEAKER_01 14:09

Well, and there was also the other issues that we never talked about, but we talked about it in the podcast. Like it has started to hurt me to have sex. Also, I mean, I just didn't most times in the day, I didn't even feel like I was in my body, which I don't know how to explain that. We have a friend that said the way she put it was, I feel like an alien in my own body. And and I've heard different women say some variation of all of that. But that was true for me too. Like I did not feel connected. I don't know how to explain that.

SPEAKER_02 14:42

That that sounds so so since you brought up, you know, in my mind there's two components here. One, you know, it's the sexual, physical component and the emotional slash spiritual slash connection component. But the physical. So the physical component, you know, per se have sex, you're not sexually interested anymore. Yes? No? Explain that.

SPEAKER_01 15:01

I don't know how to explain that. Um, because I have always been attracted. But when you don't feel like you're in your body anymore, it's it's not even something and I think I know that this happens to a lot of women, that the brain changes. We know that it changes. And it's something that we don't even sometimes think about anymore. I don't know. I except to say the brain changes, I don't know why. It can be you can get that back, but it's hard when you don't even realize it's happening. And so what was it like for you?

SPEAKER_02 15:36

So I think what it ends up, you know, when it feels like so when you're when you're approached for sex and there is some hesitation, not rejection, but like a hesitation. You can feel it, and over time, you just the reflex is to approach less. It's just you don't that particular because and I and I, you know, every guy's different, every person's different. But you know, when you don't when you feel that hesitation, it makes the other side of the equation, right? The connection component less there. And so when you have less connection, there's a resistance that you have to get through. I think that's kind of how it goes. It's like it's a little bit of a over time. You know, it's just like, well, I'm not gonna try it today. And then the next day, like, oh you know, I'm watching the show and I'm you know to finish it up and it's getting late. I got some late work to do, and over time it's just not it's the priority of it starts slowly to sinking, sinking, sinking, sinking, sinking to reaches the lowest level.

SPEAKER_01 16:36

I think, and I think every I think all fronters are gonna handle it differently. I think it I think a lot are gonna feel like that. Some are gonna get angry.

SPEAKER_02 16:44

Some are gonna get Oh, I absolutely went through that phase. You get angry as hell, you go through that fix.

SPEAKER_01 16:49

I mean, that makes sense and it's human nature. The thing is, is is as time goes on and everyone is talking about this more, it won't happen that way as much. Because the thing is, after a woman has sex once that it's been painful, the brain is the brain works the way it works and it it works to protect it itself. So after that happens once, there will there will be hesitation. Like that that's not it's not her, it's not him or her, it's it's not it's not it's not her or the partner. But as we go along and we know that this is for yo people younger than us, they're gonna know that this is gonna happen and they can do something to prevent that. It's gonna be different, but it's gonna take some time. But if you think back, like on all the people that are older than us and all these things that have been happening for years and years and nobody talked about it. Crazy.

SPEAKER_02 17:39

It's crazy, yeah, 100%. And it existed, we knew what it was.

SPEAKER_01 17:43

We just don't want to knew But the people that are younger than us, like if I had known this, if I had known that was gonna happen, I would have done preventative things because they're vaginal you can use vaginal estrogen preventatively. I would have started when I was 35, and then that never would have happened. But people younger than us, that'll be a benefit for them.

SPEAKER_02 18:06

So what was it like for you? So again, you figured this all out on your own. Like what was for you, like well, you know, because for me, when once we kind of was it was named and we started looking into it and learning the science behind it, and then learning there's treatments and the treatments are safe. That the the the the fear that was created back in 2002 or whatever it was was misplaced, not real, totally just great showmanship. All we found out that treatments rethink for me, that was a great moment because it goes back to what a core of a guy is. There is now a definable problem with a definable fix. Let's figure it out.

SPEAKER_01 18:46

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 18:47

So what was it like for you?

SPEAKER_01 18:48

More complicated. I mean, for me, I was a little sad because if I had known that five years ago, I never would have had the five years of all of those things. You wouldn't have had the five years of of all of that either. So I was sad, a little bit angry. And I I mean I have patients that are just start off with the anger, which is very fair. And most women I talk to are some combination of those. Yeah, and and I I talked to someone today around there there are women that know that there's a fix and they just don't want it because they don't want to acknowledge any of this. That they don't want to acknowledge any of this is happening. The lady I had the conversation with today, both me and her, as soon as we knew there was a a solution, we did it. Both of us had other complicated feelings, and I think that that's gonna be common. Oh, which it would be fair for the partner to have complicated feelings too, but I under it's human nature. Like those there's problem, there's solution. I mean, that's that's the best thing. And that's the primary feeling I had, but I I did have other feelings too. Oh sure.

SPEAKER_02 19:52

So I guess I know you have partners sometimes come to the the first visits, especially.

SPEAKER_01 19:59

Has any of them talked a little bit about what's going on from their perspective, or they just usually quietly listen and so some of them uh some of them have already done research and already know like this is this is they've done research with their partners. Some don't, but are just there for support. And that's the thing, is there's a lot of different ways a partner can handle this. There's a lot of different ways. The biggest thing is is just to make sure that she knows you're there. I mean, that's you did that for me, and I will always appreciate that. But that's the thing is is you can fix it, she can fix it, but just knowing that she has support is a is usually going to be a big deal for her. Sometimes though, sometimes I've talked to some people, sometimes it's the partner that realizes it first and doesn't know how to approach her.

SPEAKER_02 20:48

So my answer is So the guy goes on Google and says, My woman is acting like a I am doing this and this and this and this and this and this. What is going on? And it's probably spits out. Well, she's in pairing minaballs. And then the guy from here. Okay, now I have the answer. I'm gonna have to explain this to her.

SPEAKER_01 21:05

Yeah, so what do you do? So should I even approach her with it? Yes, yes, very gently, probably.

SPEAKER_02 21:11

Very gently. I'm sure there's greeting cards that you could use. Probably not the right choice.

SPEAKER_01 21:17

I bet there is though. I mean, you know what? And sometimes writing it out is the best way. So she could she can handle it on her own and and take a minute. But either the thing is, is if you had figured this out before me, I absolutely want what I would want to know. So, yes, if if the partner figures it out, I would say try gently and just say, look, something's been going on. Could it be this in a very nice, supportive way? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:48

And probably master point, don't say, hey, I think your hormones are whacked. Probably like give it a name. It's perimenopause. Have you have you considered that?

SPEAKER_01 21:58

Common there's a Then let's look at this.

SPEAKER_02 22:01

It's it's a hundred percent. The symptoms of it may are not a hundred percent, but perimenopause is a hundred percent. It's gonna happen to everyone.

SPEAKER_01 22:09

Everyone, yes, yeah, yeah. So one of the things people ask too is or some partners ask, like, what if because uh I I've had people from outside, other people say, Well, what if she doesn't want to do anything about it? And she doesn't have to. Not not getting treated is a decision and it's valid and right for her. But it's something like if if because I've had I've had partners push back and say, like in in our propositions and say, Well, but I really think she feels better. Then have that conversation with her, honestly, mentally, and maybe with an article or a podcast or whatever. But yeah, that's that's hard.

SPEAKER_02 22:48

Look at this guy, you know, again, you know, trying to be Mr. Fixids for for all things, but they're I think, you know, the first thing that really every guy should understand it's it's not something you're doing or not doing that's causing this. That's like a like a big take-home point that I want to make sure every man hears. You know, this is her journey, and you can't force her to take a left or a right on that journey. She has to walk the journey. You can just be there. So if she chooses not to get treatment or get treatment, it doesn't really matter. The most important thing is you know what it is, it will not last forever. Either with treatment, it does write its course. It is a change in the relationship, but it doesn't have to be a change in y'all's relationship, or it's a change of biology, but it doesn't have to be a change in y'all's relationship. I can, you know, there's a lot of things people can still do, stay connected, hobbies, whatnot.

SPEAKER_01 23:37

And some relationships come out better.

SPEAKER_02 23:39

And some relationships will come out better when you mean it's the focus from one to another thing. And it gives a big opportunity for, you know, guys also being somewhat overly focused on certain things, the opportunity to work on yourself as well. Because that's part of relationships, you know. You know, improve improving your own self, whether that's and if you can find a hobby that y'all can do together that's very useful.

SPEAKER_01 24:02

Yeah, just be there for her is the biggest thing. And yes, they can I mean, there are there are people that come out of this better.

SPEAKER_02 24:10

What else do you want to know about what I was going through?

SPEAKER_01 24:12

So, what do you think were the best and the worst parts?

SPEAKER_02 24:15

Well, so I think some of the best parts we've had was figuring out, you know, once we've kind of figured out what the issues were, it was kind of exciting to to like when we traveled abroad to get treatment. I thought that was kind of exciting. It was kind of fun to learn how to navigate things. The I think there's some, you know, just going through and and hearing all the issues. And and you've took it to the highest degree. So, like, you know, a a normal person would go and look for treatment somewhere and get into lateral into whatever treatment they can find. You went to the degree of none of this is right. Let me build the on my own thing, which will be right for everyone. Um, or for most people. And so, you know, going through that, figuring out, you know, what that would look like. So, you know, just figuring those things out together has been a lot of fun. Challenges, almost the same things, you know, beating our heads against each other over some finer point of what we should be doing. You know, challenges around just, you know, figuring out how to make things happen the way they need to.

SPEAKER_01 25:19

Is there anything you would say to a partner to help enter this?

SPEAKER_02 25:23

It's not you. It's nothing that you can fix. Apparently, it helps to name it. You know, it's perimenopause. So but put a name on it. She has almost no control of it, you know, but she's acting in a way that doesn't seem equal to whatever's going on, just like you and you know, you're doing that when you were 16 and doing that. Cortisol, cortisol, you know, all those things. Be patient, be understanding. And you know, in the end, any decision you make to treat, to go get treatment, not to get treatment, to ignore it, whatever. It's her decision. You just have to understand.

SPEAKER_01 25:58

That's good advice. That's very good advice. It's something that's happening to her. It's not something that she's making happen or has, like we said, really control of her. It's something that's going to happen to 100% of women. It does affect everyone around her. So that's very good advice.

SPEAKER_02 26:14

It's okay to be, you know, it's, you know, we both said at different times we've been angry during this journey. I'd say it's okay to be angry. It is. It's not okay to lash out when you're angry. Like we all know that. I hope we all know that. But it's okay to be angry and frustrated and confused because that's part of life to some degree. And I think that's some you know, when there is a major issue going on in one's life, whether it's a financial issue, a health issue, a kid issue, you're gonna have these feelings. It's important to, you know, really just when you're when when when you're too hot to talk, you know, find the space to cool down and then at the right moment have the conversations. Engineer. Well, if it's just saying how you feel and then everyone acknowledging it, because only so much you really can do.

SPEAKER_01 27:01

Yeah. I mean, also there is some women that will pull away, and so also understanding that if she's pulling away, it doesn't necessarily mean it's about you, although that's too many nature, also. But to understand that, and and everyone is gonna handle it differently. Some are gonna be irate, angry, some are gonna be isolated, and just understanding that.

SPEAKER_02 27:23

So these are common questions that partners have actually asked you or things that we just thought of. So first thing, is this going to get better?

SPEAKER_01 27:31

Yes, but with treatment, it will get significantly better faster.

SPEAKER_02 27:36

Okay. Um, how long does perimenopause last?

SPEAKER_01 27:40

On average, four to ten years.

SPEAKER_02 27:42

It doesn't go on forever.

SPEAKER_01 27:43

It doesn't go on forever.

SPEAKER_02 27:44

Should I bring it up or wait for her to bring it up gently?

SPEAKER_01 27:49

Sh the important thing is for you to show her you want to understand and you want to be a part of what's going on and help her as much as she wants help.

SPEAKER_02 27:58

What if she won't go to the go to a doctor?

SPEAKER_01 28:00

Then be patient with her. Understand that that's her decision too, and and not being treated as a is a decision. It's okay to give her information as it comes out. Like if you if you're hearing things and you say, you know what, I I understand and respect your decision, but just so she she makes an informed decision as much as she can.

SPEAKER_02 28:19

What's the one thing as a woman you wish every man knew or partner knew about Perry Menopause?

SPEAKER_01 28:27

The best thing to do for her is just make sure she knows you're there and that you support her. That's it.

SPEAKER_02 28:33

Even if you happen to be breathing loudly that then.

SPEAKER_01 28:35

Maybe stand a little bit further back, but yes.

SPEAKER_02 28:38

Oh, and I think that's our show for this episode.

SPEAKER_01 28:40

Thank you for listening. So the person that sent this to you really cares about you and wants you to understand. So thank you for listening.

SPEAKER_02 28:49

I'm Stephen Youngblade, and remember that this is a natural process, and it's as a guy, it's nothing you did. It's not about you. You're just there to support.

SPEAKER_01 28:58

You're listening to Prime Menopause Explain.