Throwing in the Towel

This episode explores the idea of 'throwing in the towel' - your coach in the corner has the ability at any stage of the fight to throw in the towel. You don't actually see the towel come flying in over the ropes that often. I have used this metaphor to downplay what it is like to be in the ring - when you are only ever seconds away from success or disaster.       

Kia kaha, kia maia, kia manawanui

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In the Ring with Trevor Shaler, Episode Five, Throwing In the Towel. Throwing in the towel is a real classic ex boxing expression. You know, it talks about the the ability of the coach who's in the corner who has to make a decision around do I throw in the towel or not, if their fighter isn't doing well or has been outclassed or basically just getting hiding. But I use two terms throwing in the towel, which is in reference to the ability the coach has to make sure they're protecting their fighter and to stop things right in its tracks. The other one is throw in the towel. Throw in the towel is more about kind of a life decision around where things are at for you. What does that mean, you know, when you make the decision to throw in the towel? So throwing in the towel means stepping away, walking away around those kind of thinking. And really, I came up with the idea around the name of this episode because throwing in the towel is something that pops in my mind a lot around thinking about what decisions to make, what course to take, in a boxing sense, you know. I mean, my podcast is in the ring with Trevor Shaler after all, but in a boxing sense, uh, I've never been in the ring where my coach has had to throw the towel in to stop the fight. That doesn't say, that doesn't mean I should say, that uh my my a boxing match of mine has been stopped. My second ever fight at 10 at 11 years of age, I fought a really tough fighter. It was my second fight from Danny Virk, his name was Peter Gilmore. He was he was way more experienced than I, and I probably shouldn't have been in there. I shouldn't have been matched at that early stage because lots of young people fall out of boxing if they're not matched well early on. I mean, who wants to get a hiding and think they should come back the next week and get another hiding? You know, there there's you know, it takes quite a lot of guts and uh perseverance to hang in there. Uh so Peter Peter Gilmore, the bell went, Peter Gilmore sprinted across the corner. I I hardly got out of my corner and he just laid into me and the referee stopped it. I think it wasn't a record, but it would have been close. And I had, yeah, well, I mean, I I actually didn't even know what happened, it just happened so quickly, and I was back in the changing rooms before I knew it, and you know, Peter Gilman was there gloating with uh trophy, and I I think at the time I could have gone one of two ways. I could have gone, actually, this is not for me, or actually I know what to do because I looked over and I could see the trophy and I thought, yeah, that's not gonna happen again. You know, I'm gonna I'm gonna I'll I'll be back, sort of scenario. So yeah, that that's a really so again my coach didn't throw the towel in. I didn't throw the towel in, but you know, I was certainly I didn't know what was happening, and it all happened before I knew it. But this podcast for this episode, I really want to focus on telling some stories, just bringing in the context around the Olympic Games and what that was like for me as a 21-year-old, and also just telling some stories and connecting it back to how I used the notion of throwing in the towel and using that in a humorous way to kind of deflect from the fact that you know, 10 years of training and and nine minutes my Olympic experience and opportunity was finished as an athlete. So where to start? So Olympics pass in 992, qualified, amazing opportunity, you know, lifelong dream, being training really hard, you know, all of those things around you know getting your uniform, you know, being part of a group. It was very elitist. They there wasn't a culture there around meeting, greet and stuff like that. You just kind of you made the team, you turned up, you got the uniform, you you were there to perform a bit more hard, you know, old school, you know, just get on with it, yeah, pull your bootstraps up, you know, and you get it done. That's that was kind of like the New Zealand way. And I had amazing athletes in the that in that 92 games team, Daniel Loder, Barbara Kendall, Bruce Kendall, uh Lorraine Moller, Ian Ferguson, Paul McDonald, Simon Pullman, you know, they you know they they were all well-known New Zealand athletes, and there was little old me. And I have to be honest and say that I was I wouldn't say overruled, but you know, it was a quite intimidating environment. You really had to to to own the space to be there, and I didn't feel I did, but anyway, a couple of the connections in terms of my story for the Olympic Games. So the first story that I'll I'll I'll talk about is going to the um team function. Going to the team function is a is quite a big deal, it's where they you know all the sponsors or you know, everybody, it's pretty compulsory to go, and it's where the flag bearer is named, and um, you know, obviously it's quite a big deal, and yeah, so so I'd go on along with the team first time, you know, you just follow the crowd, you go along, you kind of you know, roll into it. But somebody had booked and had organized for Nati Dana to come across from England, from London, to come to uh Barcelona to to do a welcome. And so they were performing, they did their welcome, and the songs they were singing were all songs that I learned at college, and so I was happily singing along. Like for me, this was awesome. You know, I was already out of place within the Olympic team, and I didn't I I didn't felt I belonged just yet or belonged at all. But seeing you know a kapaka group performing songs, there was a real strong sense of identity for me and connection, and a really interesting thing happened. John Tapiada, who was the uh Kaia, the leader of the group at the time, I think. And I knew his his family. I knew his younger brother Jacob uh and sister Anna. And anyway, I was singing along, and they noticed that I was singing along. I had a special pendant, uh bone carving on, which was done in the silver fern with the five rings, and it had two pawa shells. It was given to me by Tudokina Maori Girls College. I'd gone to do a session there with a good friend of mine, Kiri Mihaidi, who was the Tumuaki there, and my great-grandmother, Daisy Teao Portaka, was uh the ducks, she was ducks at at Tudokina, so it was really cool for me to go go along. And they they gifted me this silver fern with the Olympic rings with two powershells and two of the rings, and one powershell was to represent my Maori tanga, my Maori side, and the the the other powershell in in one of the rings represented my English side, which was more about the side that was paying for me to get there. That was the another standard joke at the time. So, anyway, Jacob signals to me to come up, so he waves out to for me to come up. So I I walk up, you know, take my jacket off, end up jumping in the line, you know, to do the haka and kamate. And it was awesome. It was such a major highlight for me, you know, busting out of the crowd, jumping in with the Kappa Haka group and and laying down a haka. But what it did, um it was awesome for me, but what it did, it it it let everybody else know in the team that you know there was a native amongst the myth, you know, amongst the group. And and that that surfaced two more times during the the uh Olympic Games in Barcelona. The the next time, well the the it surfaced when the chef de michon, uh Ralph Roberts, came up to my came up to my floor into my apartment, knocked on the door, I opened the door, and here was the chef de Michonne, and I was shitting myself. I just thought, holy, you know, I was already worried that that I hadn't somebody had made a mistake and I'd I'd got in by accident and that actually I I really shouldn't have been there. And you know, and the chef de Michon was here to tell me that you know that that mistake had been made and I I should pack my things and get ready to to go home, you know, because I I I really like I said earlier, I didn't feel like I I I belonged. Anyway, lucky for me, that wasn't why he was there. He was there because he said to me, Trevor, and I'm thinking, gosh, I didn't didn't know that he knew my name, but he said, Trevor, Sir Robert Muldoon has died. We're gonna lower the flag to half mast, and we'd like you to come down. And of course I said, Yes, yes, of course, I'd you know, more than happy to to do that. So I go down there with my uniform on and I position myself, you know, under the flag, head bowed, you know, hands clutched together, you know, looking at my toes, and I could see the TV cameras going, oh, you know, and the athletes at the New Zealand Olympic team, you know, showing their uh sympathy and uh mourning the the passing of Sir Robert Muldoon. And all I'm thinking to myself is who the hell is Sir Robert Muldoon? Who like I was 21, I had no idea about politics, I had no idea who he was, but I just played along, and so you know, it became a I wouldn't say a joke, because uh it was good to pay my respects, but it was funny from the perspective that you know he probably should have asked one of the older athletes that were in the games team who who knew who he was, but that that shone a light on the fact that that uh I was gonna say token that that I was highlighted in the team. I'd done the hucker earlier, let's go and get Trevor to come down. I don't know if they thought that I was gonna do, you know, burst out into something, another hucker perhaps, or what have you. Uh, or they just thought, oh, well, it'll be nice, you know. Trevor's uh, you know, is a representative of of our of our team. We'll ask him to come down. Second time I was asked, Barbara Kendall was doing really well in her event. She had one more event to get to go. If she finished in the top two or three, she was guaranteed the gold. So again, somebody came up to my room and said, Hey Trevor, you know, Barbara's got this big race on, it'd be awesome if you could come down and support her. Now I can't remember where this was within my competitive uh within my competition. I I know that I I think it would have been post because I I fought five days, took five days by the time opening ceremony to the time that I had my my my fight. So I go down to the down to the pier where the New Zealand team is all hanging out, you know, and um yeah, it was cool. It was cool to be part of the buzz. And and I don't think I was invited because they thought I was gonna bust out a hucker or something, but that when I got there there was this sense that something should, you know, I should do something. And anyway, Barbara actually did, won the won the event, won the gold, happy days. You know, a few people turned to me with their cameras and said, Trevor, Trevor, you know, do a hucker. And I was just like, yeah, no, I didn't really, that's not my thing. You know, yeah, I got up with the the crew because I was one part of a bigger ropu, you know, but now I'm asked to perform, you know. Yeah, and so I didn't, you know, it just wasn't my cup of tea just to perform to bust out a haka because uh the occasion called for it or somebody thought it would be good to do to capture the moment, but it wasn't for me. And um, so those were my two two uh activities that happened to me in the games. But equally interestingly, from a cultural perspective, from a Mori perspective, back in the early back in those days, in the '92, when I came home from the Olympics, I remember sitting at home a few months later and there was the Mori Sports Awards on TV. And there was a couple of athletes who had Māori heritage who were being honored or acknowledged for making it to the Olympic Games. And I was thinking to myself, that hey, I'm one of those. I'm I you know, I should be. How how come I'm not there? Well, the reason I wasn't there was because they would they didn't collect ethnicity data, they would they just went down the list and looked for Māori names or or connections to people who knew people who knew people. And unfortunately for me as a 21-year-old, Trevor Shaler doesn't, you know, doesn't um you know s sing out that it's a staunch Māori name, because uh Shaler is from Middlesex in England, and yeah, so that's how so I I was like a double whammy, you know, over at the games, you know, performed once with the Kupaka group and then got identified for a couple of cultural activities which I I just wasn't that strong in my own identity that and confident enough to to do that. I I could have, because you know, who would have known? But then again, you know, we we we know iPhones and stuff back then, so cameras and and videos and stuff like that. And then on the flip side, then not being acknowledged not acknowledged on the Māori side because I fell through the cracks, I wasn't part of that setup. But the the funny story about the throwing throwing in the towel or throw in the towel is a story that that I used to tell that had all of the athletes laughing, you know. So I was using my humour as a way to connect with others. And after I'd lost my my fight, you know, there's once the nine minutes was over and done, but you know, as soon as you lose in boxing, you're out. That's it. You're there is no repercharge, there's no no there's no other chance. That's it. You know, you you front upon the day and get the job done, or or you don't. And uh unfortunately I didn't. And as the games went on and you get through the the heartache of all the training to get there and and the heartache of of losing. I remember hanging out with uh Bruce Kendall, and um I was telling them the story, you know, yeah, I'm in the boxing ring, you know, and I'm getting the hiding, and I look over at the corner and I look at the coach and I say, Coach, you know, the coach can see in my eyes. I'm saying, Coach, coach, you know, I'm getting a hiding here. Throw in the towel, throw in the towel. Now, here's the thing: when you're getting a hiding, nine minutes is like an eternity. It's a long time in the ring when you're battling, when you're trying to keep your head above water, you're trying to actually keep your back from hitting the canvas, you know, you're busy trying to stay upright, but the punches are just coming. And you know, but but when you're winning and when you're on top, when you're in control, the fight goes really quickly. It's like you, you know, it'd be so good to have more time because you're having so much fun because you're in control. And you know, I my joke is now I look over to the coach, you know, the national coach, and I say, Coach, coach, I'm I'm getting a hiding. Now you can see this in my eyes. I'm getting a hiding, throw the towel in, throw the towel in. Come on, save me, save me. And the coach looks at me for a second and then looks away, and you know damn well he's not gonna throw the towel in. And and I'm really going, nodding at throw the towel in, throw the towel in. And yeah, I used to get lots of laughs out of that joke, but throwing the towel in versus throw the towel in, you know, throw the towel in is really your decision around, you know, carrying on, persevering, getting it done, not giving up, you know, just digging deep, finding that next gear versus, you know, somebody in your corner deciding that you've had enough, or and they have the the uh ability to change the course of that fight and to ensure that you are looked after and that you're protected and that your your health comes first. I I did some coaching in Wellington, and I remember I had some really good, good young guys who are passionate, keen, really good. You know, I thought I was reasonably good as a coach, pretty pragmatic, but I I I tell you, when I got in the ring as the coach, I had Simon Gianotti fighting for me. I was his trainer. Actually, Simon and Steve run a really, really awesome gym in Wellington called Body Shots. So if you get a chance to get the body shots, they they've got a free uh session. So if you want to go and try it out, then by all means, so check out their website, the body shots. I try and do one or two a week if I'm down in Wellington or when I'm down in Wellington, but it's definitely worth it. Anyway, Simon had him light heavyweight, he was fighting uh Pacific Islander from one of the other gyms. Come in, shook hands, came back. I said, Look, you've got to really just watch out there. They there's uh they are quite strong punches, they might run out of steam. You know, we hope that they run out of steam. Well, that's kind of the normal thing back then was you know, you if you could last out the first, you know, minute, minute and a half, then you could eventually get on top of them. And you do that in every round early on they would after their rest, but you would get them in the second half. But they still had a powerful, you know, still had power in either hand. So it's not like you could, you know, last the minute and a half and then go to town on them because and because you've got it sorted, uh, you know, they still have the power to finish it. Anyway, I said to Simon, keep that right right hand up, son, keep it up. You just well, I want you to watch that left hook that's coming around, either shimmy under and come over the top, but keep that right hand up, up, you know, protect the jaw. Anyway, long story short, I was in the corner and left hook, clip, got, got Simon, boom, and he hit the canvas. And there was the realization for me was that I'm the coach and there's nothing I can do, you know, and I just felt so bad that he was on the canvas, you know, nothing about whether or not he listened to me or not. I just it was just not cool seeing that you know Simon was hurt. But you know, the moral of this story is it's quite a good ending. He pulls himself up, dusts himself off, takes a few deep breaths, looks at me in the corner. I tell him, mate, keep your hands up, use your jab, you know, and he gets up, bell goes again, and away he goes. And he uh he won that fight. Which which was really impressive, if you think about it, you know, very really hard to take a knock like that and get back up and and get back into it. So, you know, all credit around the perseverance and the challenge around you know getting in the ring. So to all those people that have have had the opportunity to to jump in the ring and and give it a go, you know, huge, it's a it's a huge achievement. You know, because it's it's certainly not not um it's not an easy easy game to like I said, you don't play boxing. There's no no such thing as play boxing. So ladies and gentlemen, that is episode five, throwing in the towel. So uh make sure you got good people in the corner who have the towel and know and know and have the ability to know when to use it to make sure that you stay safe, stay upright, so that you can box on. Thank you very much, Gilda.