I'm back in camp

After a bit of a hiatus since my last episode - I'm back in camp (training camp) that is. Life, along with other things have been in the way since I last released a podcast. Here it is - nothing flash, just an update on getting back in the game. This episode speaks to the challenge of needing to change the narrative in your head. I have relied on my core internal dialogue of 'who I am' or 'who I think I am' to get me to here, but now what?   

Kia kaha, kia maia, kia manawanui

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C'est everyone and welcome to In the Ring with Trevor Shaler. This is my sixth podcast, and admittedly, I haven't posted or done a podcast for about eight weeks. There's a number of reasons for that. One, just it's amazing how life gets in the way, stuff gets in the way. You have the best intention, but it is what it is. Also, I think I spoke about in my first couple of podcasts when I this whole process started, was the impact and inspiration of my first boxing coach, Peter Fitzgerald. Unfortunately, he he passed away. I did mention he he wasn't well, but he he passed away, which was a real shock. It was expected. I've only ever done two other eulogies. One was for my grandfather, Peter Stewart, and one was for my grandmother, Doreen Stewart. So yeah, it was it was yeah, it it there's been a lot of water under the bridge, so to speak. So not not only with Peter, but also with you know, thinking about, you know, when you you lose your confidence and you're thinking about, well, do I actually have something to say? And if so, what? And you know, who really wants to listen to what you've got to say? So yeah, look, admittedly, uh it's been great getting some feedback on my early podcasts, particularly those that know me and have had the or have a similar connection, certainly around the boxing stuff. So I've had a few of the old uh I wouldn't call them old timers, but certainly the boxing fraternity reach out and connect, which has been really, really cool. But if I run through my my my titles, and I say not my titles of my boxing titles, but the titles of my podcast. My first one, starting is the hardest thing to do. Now, whilst I maintain that is correct or tr to be true, the other flip side to that is actually it's not only about starting, it's about the continuity. So this is about me getting back on the horse, starting to do better planning and prep around maintaining, you know, the start that I've made. And again, I I think I'll just need to continue to adjust as we go just to figure out whether or not, you know, have I got the right topics? Am I speaking the right language to my audience? All those, all those types of things. So I stand behind starting is the hardest thing to do, but I think the key thing here is to maintain it. So that's my my my challenge is to not only start but continue on. So in boxing terms, I'll be in round two. So I've started with round one, and there's a few more rounds to go. My next um podcast I did give yourself an uppercut. And again, I can continue, I can be hard on myself and give yourself an uppercut is really about that notion of stopping to smell the roses or taking time to think about just where you're at and not and possibly not being so hard on yourself. So I think that's an still an important one, just uh as that type of reminder. Episode three was making a comeback, and so the best thing for me to do is to refer to this as making another comeback, so just chucking the word another because you know boxers are renowned for multiple comebacks, you know. I want one of those comebacks that gets me a Netflix, you know, series, or even just a show, because then um, you know, show me the money kind of helps. So it certainly changed the way in which, you know, we you know, you you we watch some of the boxing matches or fights. I think I mentioned earlier, you know, about running home to from school to watch those big big title fights back in the day. You know, Netflix, bring it all. In your corner. That was really about looking at at actually who has your back, who's supporting you doing what you do. And you know, I I have to reference again Peter, but there are lots of others that that are in in my corner or in your corner, you know, who are those people. And there's just the need to to actually have some vulnerability about kind of what you're doing, where you're at, and been okay with with with reaching out. I recently had the opportunity to to speak to Humphreys Construction. Paul Humphreys invited me along to one of his six-monthly sessions that he has with his project managers, his his key leadership team for his organization, for his company. And again, it was stepping into that space to talk about my experience surviving the Muna Wanui. And again, it was a real test and an opportunity for me to kind of see how I would go being able to retell some of the stories and try and make sense of it, but also to make it relevant to to the team. I think I I made the relevance linking it back to health and safety, but ultimately, you know, deep down it was you know the personal challenge of losing that sense of identity and and confidence in oneself, which then leads on to thinking about you know your whole sense of identity, you know, you know, all the things that my story, my narrative, those are all the things that I've used throughout my life to get me where I've got to. But in truth, the I as I sit here today, I you know, I have to really think about, you know, is that going to take me forward? Is my narrative, is the story that I tell myself going to help me get to where I need to get to for my next stage in my career and in what I want to do. Because there's no doubt, you know, I'm in a situation right now where, you know, I'm out of work. I took voluntary redundancy for my last position. I have a bit of time up my hands to think about what it is that I want to do. The job market is really, really tough out there, and I'm having to, you know, like everybody else, just keep keep, you know, putting myself forward. But it does challenge you to think about, you know, you know, what what do I need to change? What do I need to think about, you know, and who am I? What are the things that have been holding me back? You know, do or have I relied way too much on my narrative, my story, which is, you know, tough upbringing, you know, yeah, tough upbringing, finding, you know, boxing as a sport, as a way to channel my aggression, to be able to create some, get some discipline, some focus, you know, having key teachers, mentors coming into my life to help shape and guide me to where I've got to, or you know, guide me through this pathway. You know, and and don't get me wrong, I I think it's a it's not an uncommon narrative, but I I I'm wondering whether or not I spending, you know, I've spent too much time holding on to the past, holding on to that narrative, you know, of that person, the person that I was, not necessarily the person that I am today. So Yeah, there's a there's a constant struggle, I think, or a tussle around, you know, how to make sense of of what's ahead of you when you're thinking about what you need to do differently. And what are the what new skills do you need? Because the truth is might the skills that have got me to where I am today or got me this far might not be the skills that I need to go to go further. I think I think they're gonna be helpful in the ketia that I have with the skills that I've got. But you know, what else do I need to be doing? What else, you know, do I need to, you know, do I need to retell a different story or focus on different parts? So it's a real it's a real interesting challenge. And because I have time to think about it, that is a blessing and a curse at the same time. You know, because you can no doubt overthink it, you know. Yes, but you know, th those are some of the challenges, those are some of the reasons why I've kind of had some radio silence. But I did want to say, you know, with uh in your corner, you know, being you know very fortunate with the feedback and the of of the podcasts, but also, you know, the the support that I've had in terms of you know where I'm heading to next. There's a bit of um watch the space on that one, unfortunately. Well, fortunately, because you know, a real challenge has been things have always turned up for me when I've needed them, you know, both mentors, coaches, you know, I've been open to learning, continue to be open to learning, and things have often serendipity, you know, have fallen my way, or something's come up and an opportunity, and I've taken it and and I've run with it. And and you can see throughout my career I've done so many different things, and then you get to this stage where you know I'm thinking about my next step, and then all of a sudden, you know, you you lose confidence and you think, actually, you know, a bit of imposter syndrome kicks in, and you're starting to really question, you know, did I actually do some of that stuff? Am I, you know, you're not getting the callbacks, you're not getting the you know, the things aren't turning up like they used to. And again, I I'm gonna talk about this in a in a future podcast, but I've boiled a lot of that down to the understanding and the impact of you know, the Munuwanui, surviving the Munuanui. It was a couple of years ago now, well, yeah, 18 months. And you know, it it's incredible the impact of um surviving that, the sinking of the Munuwanui, just the impact that that that has on uh you know in your subconscious and really teasing you about, you know who I thought I was. Anyway, that's a bit of a bit of a blurb, bit of an update on kind of you know where things things are at. I could probably change the podcast from in the ring, because clearly I haven't been in the ring, I've kind of been outside the ring. I do need to mention the my last podcast that I did, which was called Throwing in the Tower, which is quite an interesting thing given where I am right now. So the notion around throwing in the towel is not something that I think about often, to be honest, but it is a a boxing term, you know, when you're you're being outclassed or your coach doesn't want you to get hurt, so they throw the towel and so you can live to fight another day. And I think throwing in the towel is an interesting flow on from my topics because each one of my topics really speaks to kind of where where I find myself today. I think I think when you've got time, which we you know, we're all time poor, everybody's time poor. But the r the issue is is what to do with the time. So I've really focused on on what does a reset look like? If I wanted to to rethink about how I see myself or rethink about my narrative and what I tell myself or what I tell others, then I need to think about how I might do that. And I I've made a couple of small, I would they I say small, but I think they're quite they're reasonable. So, you know, things like things like I I don't I don't jump online first thing in the morning before I get out of bed. Uh I don't do any scrolling. I've decided, you know, actually that's not serving me. Yeah, I still before I get up, I'd wake up early in the morning and I'd first thing I do is I reach for my phone and I'd scroll through the news, I'd go into Substack, I'd read up some stuff, and before you know it, you know, I'm a bit grumpy when I get out of bed because I'm just I've filled up my head with with all these all the things that are happening globally, all the things that are happening politically here in New Zealand. And you know, then I think, oh well, what can I change? And I can't do anything about that, and and I you know feel grumpy about that. So, you know, I've decided to sort of actually don't start my day like that. Let's start thinking about starting my day in a different way. So, yeah, no, and I don't want to say no scrolling because it that's like a real cutoff, but it's been really helpful for me to think about how I get up and how I show up to start the day. I have I've given alcohol a pass. I've decided actually I'll I'm only a weekend now, so you know, just uh make you know make me sleep better, you know, keep me focused for longer, you know. It's not that I need it. So that will I wouldn't say it's easy, but in a social, you know, a social, we had friends over on the weekend, and it was literally it wasn't a problem. Oh, I was drinking orange juice before they knew I was drinking a screwdriver, orange and vodka, but that it was just orange juice. But again, it's just the decision to challenge myself to go, look, if you want to rethink and reset your narrative and and how you want to contribute going forward, then what does change look like? You know, you know, it's easy to look at other people and go, oh gosh, they should do this or they should do that. Actually, you know, it's a real good test to to challenge yourself. I and I'm not talking about positive thinking and and necessarily those types of things, but I know when you're thinking about change, I know in a in a in a competitive boxing sense, in a sporting sense, you know, when you're striving for something, you have the benefit of commitment and intensity that really focuses your attention. In our day-to-day life, you know, it's hard to have the intensity and that level of commitment because we've got so many things that we're we're juggling. So again, I'm taking the opportunity to to when I've got some well with this downtime, you know, that I'm I'm trying to I don't want to look back in in time to come where I've heading off in another direction and I go, actually, with that that time that I had, you know, what what what did I do with it? So that that's been helpful. I'm running, I run 2K a day. Well, that's my challenge. My challenge is to, you know, chuck my gears on, jump on the treadmill, bang out at least 2Ks a day just to keep the body moving, ticking over all those good things. And also just really focusing the mind around making sure that my thoughts aren't controlling my day, you know, that that that actually I'm in charge that I'm not allowing my thoughts, you know, because there's so many what ifs jump in around, oh what if I'd done that and what if I'd done that. So I think that's the uh the key challenge. So this this caught it all in effect, you know, I'm trying to do this in one go, one take. You wouldn't believe how many takes I've had before I've got to this one, in terms of particularly around starting. But you know, that this really is about me taking the opportunity to to refocus and to think about what served me well uh previously, what I need to think about going forward. But also I think it would be remiss not to reflect on the you know the the passing of some pretty uh amazing people uh in Tao Maori, you know, Ta Tatamathi Ridi, Taherni Mukwamid, and Fatarangi Winiyata. You know, I I I I didn't I'd I'd met uh Tamati Reedy before through uh Matsua Amster, but I certainly knew of and read Taherani Mukwede's various books, Tikanga, uh Mataranga Maori, etc. And and also with uh Faterangi Wuniyata with Haroka, where I've had the opportunity to go down and uh do presentations to students and stuff over the years. But I think there's a it's been a you know it's a huge loss, but it is a really a really big challenge around you know what it what does it mean to be Māori today? What does it mean in terms of the world we want to live in with our uh neighbors, with our brothers and sisters, with with the wider Fano. So I think it's an exciting, interesting time with an with an election this year. I try not to get too much into politics, but it's hard not to, you know. Anyway, I I'm starting to ramble, so I'm gonna know that I've I've done my next podcast, number seven. Hopefully you tune back in, stay tuned. I will get better. I did say I'd get better, and I don't think I've got better, but I intend to get better at and shorter, sharper with these podcasts in the ring. Remembering that in the ring is about being in the fight, being being in the arena, not not being a just a spectator. So, you know, yes, by all means hit the like button and whatever buttons you want to push to to feel engaged. But you know, my my encouragement, you know, this is the year to be engaged with uh obviously that political thing coming up a bit later on this year. So that's me over and out. I will be posting more regularly. Please feel free to give me some feedback, provide some ideas on on different topics. I do want to talk about the impact of the Manuanui. Uh I think anyone that's had uh a life-threatening impact, you know, or an event, you know, it's just good to unpack unpack that a little. Anyway, that's me. Trevor Shaler. Actually, I'll that's me in the ring with Trevor Shaler, and he is taking some time out, so thinking of something clever to say right at the end, but all I could think about was uh Oli Olson, you know, keep cool after school. So uh yep, keep cool, everybody. Gilda.