Hi friends. Welcome and welcome back. Today we are talking about perfectionism. Perfectionism being perfect, seemingly trying to be perfect, trying to be perfect all the time, and what that means, where that comes from. And how to get out of that. Right? Because even with saying it, it's very hard not to feel like that's a good thing. Right? When we're perfect, we, everyone strives for perfection. Everyone, perfectionism, everyone strives to seemingly try to be perfect and getting things to feel perfect. Look good on the outside. Look perfect. Right? It's this curated. Curated life, having your life have to look a certain way and seemingly be perfect. So perfectionism, where does that come from and why wouldn't it be a good thing? Right? Perfectionism truly. Stems from this unconscious fear or unconscious fears of inadequacy. So our fear, our fears of being inadequate in some way is where that perfectionism mindset comes from, because perfectionism doesn't exist. Perfect doesn't exist, and we're striving for something that doesn't exist because we want to look a certain way or because we want to validate something because we have these deep rooted unconscious, right? Unconscious is your shadow. Deep rooted unconscious fears of being inadequate, right? We have these fears of not being good enough. So we then strive for this perfectionism, and then we get caught up in that because it actually doesn't exist. Right? Perfect. Doesn't exist because what is it like, how can you explain it? It's different. It would be different for everybody, right? It would be, everyone has different ways of doing things, different ways that they like things done, different ways that they like to look, they like to dress, they like their house. There is no. Perfect. There is no perfect. Like for example, if you are walking into someone's house and they have it decorated like a completely different way than you, than you like, like some, like a country. Theme, like country store theme or something, and there's stuff all over the place and things all over the walls, and you are someone who likes things very minimal and modern, so perfect for that person that lives there, that their house might be perfect for them. Perfect for you. It wouldn't be that, right? It would be something completely different. It's the same with how people dress, right? A perfect outfit for someone else might be perfect, a perfect outfit, completely different for some another person. So, so there is no, there is no perfect, there's no perfect way of doing anything. There's no perfect way of being a parent. There's no perfect way of being a partner. There's no perfect way of. Doing anything because it's different for everyone. It's different for every situation. So this perfectionism mindset, this perf perfect doesn't actually exist. So we're we're striving and trying to achieve something. That is impossible, which is like being on a hamster wheel constantly trying, trying, trying, trying to achieve this thing, trying to validate, trying to get to this thing and have things a certain way when it doesn't act actually exist and it's never going to exist. And we're going around and around and around, So check your shadow on perfectionism. Let's get to the shadow piece of this. So if this comes from a feeling of inadequacy, this is what that's stemming from. Feelings of being inadequate, feelings of failure. Feelings of rejection, right? And that can be rejecting yourself or being rejected by others. That can be not being seen in a perfect light for other people. This can be feeling inadequate for other people's standards. This can be. Related back to expectations and our own expectations and societal expectations, right? But the deep rooted feeling here is that inadequacy, right? Somewhere we are feeling inadequate and it doesn't actually have to be the area in our life that seemingly need to being perfect. So say, let's use the house thing for an example, right? Everyone likes their house to be a certain way to be perfect. They would want maybe other people to come in and think that it's perfect. But again, that doesn't exist. Right. So where does that fear, that inadequate fear come from, of not being perfect? It might not. Have anything to do with having the perfect house or having things decorated a certain way or put away a certain way or whatever the case is. It might not have anything to do with that. It could be inadequacy, fear of being inadequate in some. Other area of your life. So what happens is you then try to take control and wrap that perfectionism around the house or whatever it is, right? So two completely different things. One could be feeling inadequate in your finances, so then you turn that into being perfect and having to be perfect around the house. Right. Those are just two completely random examples, but where this perfectionism is, is showing up. And if it's showing up one way, it's in every area of your life, right? If it's showing up some way, if you're acting some way, how you are in one thing is how you are in everything. So the area that it's showing up most, let's look at that first. Because it's probably playing into other areas of your life, but if we're looking at that first, it might not necessarily have anything to actually do with that particular area. It's just the fact that you're using, that, you're using perfectionism to protect yourself. Right? You're using using perfectionism. And having to be perfect in order to control and keep yourself safe around those feelings of being inadequate somewhere in your life. So let's look that, look at that a little bit deeper and get to the root of the why and getting to be able to figure out where that is coming from and what area of your life that might be coming from. Because the perfectionism, the need to be perfect comes from that inadequate feeling. So those feelings of failure or rejection, where would that be coming from? Where in your life are you fearful of failure or rejection? Where are you not feeling good enough? Where are you feeling inadequate? Like you feel like you just cannot keep up, you just are not there. You're just not ever going to be good enough in a certain area of your life. What area is that and where is that coming from? And what happens when you aren't seemingly okay, quote unquote, perfect, right? Because remember, that doesn't exist. What happens if you aren't perfect? Right? What's gonna happen? What's gonna happen if you. Aren't perfect in that certain area. What's gonna happen if other people don't view you as having it all together? Or what happens if other people don't view you as being perfect? Right? What will happen then? What will happen when things aren't done a certain way? Right? When things aren't done your way, what happens? Why do you get upset? Because is that going back to the, the inadequacy that things aren't done a certain way? Why, why are you feeling that way? Why are you feeling inadequate when things aren't done perfectly? Ask yourself these questions, right? You have to get to the root. You have to get to the root cause of this. And again, we're looking at that one area in your life. The one area where you dial in the perfectionism and you feel the constant need to be perfect or to look perfect, the illusion of perfectionism. That specific area in your life where you're having to feel that way, and then start to ask yourself these questions. Why are you feeling inadequate? And is it this area or is it another area? Where in your life do you just feel like you cannot ever be good enough? Is it parenting? Is it finances? Is it your house? Is it your fitness, your health? Right? There's an area where you're just feeling inadequate. So then you're layering on this perfectionism, either in that area or in a different area, to gain control, to make yourself seemingly perfect so that you can protect your ego, right? You can protect yourself. Okay, so how do we begin to get out of this perfectionism and this illusion that we have to be perfect? This facade of perfectionism, right, because it, it is that impossible. It's the impossible need to feel perfect all the time or feel like we need to be flawless. That fear of failure. Keeps us stuck because we feel like we have to be perfect. We can't make mistakes. And making mistakes is part of how we learn and grow. You can't be successful if you don't ever make mistakes. Right. And if we have that. Fear of having to be perfect, having to be flawless, having to look perfect and do everything perfect all the time, then we're not going to be reaching for the things that we actually want because we're gonna going to be playing it safe because we have to be perfect. It's easier to play it small. And to be perfect than it is to reach for something that we really want. Because what if it's not perfect? Or what if it's messy along the way? Or what if we do fail or have failures in order to be able to get there? Right? So we're going to be keeping ourselves safe in, in a way that's actually harming us, right? So in order to integrate our shadow, in order to integrate this so that we can move through it, we do need to be perfectly honest. So we need to uncover and get to where we are feeling inadequate and being able to admit that, being able to write that down, being able to say that out loud. Right. Whatever it is that that gets you there. And I, I encourage that. It's all of those things, right? 'cause all of those things help actually getting to the truth of it, being able to be fully truthful with yourself. Because again, if you can't see it, if you don't admit it, then it's having control over you. If you're admitting. Your flaws because everyone has them. No fucking single person on earth is perfect. 'cause again, it doesn't exist. So you cannot sit there and act like you are, like you cannot act like you are better than or that you are perfect because that's not getting you anywhere. That's not getting you anywhere. Think about someone that, that sits there and acts like they're perfect, acts like they know everything and acts like they're flawless. They will literally get nowhere. They will literally get nowhere because they're not seeing where they, they do have flaws. They're not seeing their imperfection. They're playing it small, and they're playing it safe because they're worried about not looking perfect or because they're worried about seemingly being inadequate or because they're not willing to admit things about themselves. Right. That person won't get anywhere. Okay, so let's not be that person. Let's get out of our own way. And by doing that, by being truthful, that is how we can uncover that. So starting to get to that. Truth of where you're feeling inadequate, where you're being inadequate, where your failures are, where your fear of failures are. So asking yourself these questions and sitting down and being really truthful with yourself, really. Honest with yourself. Where are you afraid of failure? Where have you been inadequate in the past? Or where is that fear coming from? Where is that? Where do you, where do you want to grow in your life? Because that's the thing too, is that when you're not admitting these things, you're not integrating them and then you're not able to change them and move forward and get better. It's the same with failures, right? If you are afraid to fail, you're not taking those big risks, or if you aren't noticing or seeing your failures, then you're not growing like that is how you grow and move forward as a person. So start out by sitting down and being honest with yourself, writing out where you don't feel perfect in your life, where you have had some failures, where you feel like you have to keep up with this perfect facade. Start there, start writing down all of those things. And maybe some of them do go back way back to childhood. Maybe some of them do go back to or come from societal pressures, right? So it's a matter of figuring them out, figuring out the things and the where and the why you aren't feeling perfect, and the exact places that that comes from. Go back to you know, where yourself and where you don't feel. Like acceptable, like these pieces of yourself that you hide. A lot of it is hiding because you don't even wanna admit to yourself, to your own self that you're seeing these things because you want to be perfect. You wanna be perfect to yourself, you wanna seem perfect to other people. You want to believe that. So get to that. Spot and the places and the things and the behaviors that seem unacceptable, get to the spot and the places and the things and the behaviors that you're doing that you don't think are perfect, that you don't necessarily like about yourself, because that's the thing. That's what you need. You need to get to those roots. In order to be able to then bring in that radical self-acceptance and that self-compassion, because like we said, no one, no single person is perfect. Perfect doesn't exist. It doesn't exist. It doesn't exist anywhere. It doesn't exist in any one. And when you can see your flaws, when you can see your I. Perfection. You are able to then integrate that with self-acceptance, self-compassion. So let yourself see these things. Let yourself see them on paper. Write them out on paper. Let yourself actually see them. And then bring in that acceptance, bring in that self-compassion, because once you start to see these things, it's okay. You are accepting them. This is just who you are and this is how you grow. Once you start to accept these things, and once you start to accept yourself and be yourself exactly as you are, and exactly as you are not, then you will be free. Then you'll be free of this illusion of perfectionism. Then you will be free of this trap of having to be perfect all the time. Because guys, it is exhausting. And how freeing to be able to be your full, messy, imperfect failing, learning from your failures, loving life free self. So much better. So much better. All right, you guys, I hope this one landed. Um, I would love to hear from you. So either reach out on here, um, any reviews if you would love to leave a review, I would absolutely love that. Um, and if you wanna reach out on Instagram, you can do that as well on my Instagram page. I'll link that and yeah, thank you so much for listening and have a great day. Bye.