Pivot Happens - Episode 2: Livin la Vida Pivot

We are Anne Kingston and Von denMeer and welcome to our podcast! It's Episode TWO and it's all about living the pivot life when life can kinda want to get in the way of your progress. Come along with us and hear how we do our best to move beyond these roadblocks and work on a pivoter's toolkit. 

Work brought us together, writing bonded us for life, but we also found that we shared a lot of similar beliefs about life and moving toward where you really want to be. We started talking about pivots and the podcast idea came from that. We wanted to share our experiences on making pivotal choices in our lives and those other times the Universe made the choices for us and how we survived (and thrived). We focus on resilience and we invite people with interesting and inspiring pivot stories to come on and share with us and our audience (we will have one someday, right, Buzzsprout? That's part of the deal. . . ). Want to share you're story? Reach out!

We call ourselves the Unprofessional Armchair Psychologists, but this is pure silliness and if you need REAL mental heal help, please reach out. If you need to connect, you can reach NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) at Call: 1-800-950-6264, Text “NAMI” to 62640, or if you're in a crisis, Call or Text 988. Don't wait! Your pivot may be just around the corner and we want you here and healthy for it.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to Pivot Happens, the plucky little podcast that could, with Anne Kingston and Von Dimier.

SPEAKER_03 0:11

Ready?

SPEAKER_04 0:13

Yes. Are you ready, Lisa?

SPEAKER_01 0:16

As the as the things go off on my phone for work.

SPEAKER_05 0:20

Oh, nice. Perfect. Welcome to another episode of Pivot Happens, the plucky little podcast that could. We're plucky. We're pluckers. We're mother pluckers. This episode today is born out of uh Ann's idea for our um for based on our our week. Um we have had a heck of a week at work. And what she said to me was, you know, what if we talked about when you're trying to you're trying to do the pivot, you're trying to live that pivot lifestyle. And um life is is happening. And and it may not even be work. It could be family stuff, it could be who knows, you know what I mean? The transmission goes on your car. Whatever. I mean, like and and I guess again that kind of ties this this probably all ties back into resilience again, too, right? I mean, that's yeah, so I don't know. What are you thinking?

SPEAKER_01 1:27

Well, I I mean, I I you know, it's so funny when we talked about the idea of the podcast, I immediately just thought of it in but this is also why we're good. You know what I mean? This is why we're good. Um I thought about it in the sense of, you know, I have a dream, I want to be a you know, a best selling author, I want to have that I want to achieve that, but it's like I still have to go to my nine to five job every day, and I still have to go to work and I still have to make real money and like and then you know the frustration of wanting something so bad, but yet it's like you feel like you have to table it and live some other life, and then when that's over, then you get to feel good again. And it's it's you know, how do you how do you stay motivated, how do you stay positive, how do you stay all those things? But the part that's really interesting is when you started to talk about you know the whole idea of whether it be work or whether it be just things going on in your life that are draining you. Because really I I hate to say that work is draining me, but let's face it, it really drained us this week.

SPEAKER_05 2:38

It was a kick in the lady balls a hundred percent. It was, it really was. Um when I mean, and I I I was telling the therapist, and I said, I don't know if you can quite imagine what it's like to have to do something where $40 million is on the line. And if you fuck something up, that $40 million will not come to your company. That's a lot of money, no matter how big the company you might work for is $40 million.

SPEAKER_01 3:10

And so a lot of people are not very forgiving of a small mistake when it comes to $40 million.

SPEAKER_05 3:16

No, and and so we live in this world of high stakes, not every day, every week. Thank God. Thank God, or I don't think I could do it.

SPEAKER_01 3:25

I mean, because we can really build, you know, we built to that day. We were we spent months getting ready for that day.

SPEAKER_05 3:33

And so there were feelings in my body that happened on Monday that I think to myself, I don't know how many more times I can do that. How many times can I put my body through that? Because it's like I know what's going on. My body is really bad right now. This is not good. I shouldn't be that twinge, that's bad. You know, it's like so so, yeah, we have we have been in a a war zone this week, and and I will admit it sapped a lot of my good juju for part of the week.

SPEAKER_01 4:16

I mean, I physically was uncomfortable all week because you talked about it. You're like the cortisol, the the massive dose of cortisol that our bodies took was we were probably like our bodies were probably still processing it all the way up until today. Because I'll be honest, today is the first day I don't feel like I've got this like twisted feeling in the middle of my my torso, my stomach.

SPEAKER_05 4:43

I got a a really good night's sleep last night, which was good, and I let myself sleep till I woke up, which is probably in some people's books is early, but for me it was later than I I'd usually like to get up. But um yeah, it's like you're on your phone. How much how much ashwagandha can I safely take? You know, that's been my week. It's like if I go back to that those gummy ashwagandhas, how am I thinking it's gonna be? Where do I where does toxic start? It's like that's the kind of week it was, you know, it was just like freaking out. I need to get some of that. How do I level out? And I mean, like you were saying too, one thing that is really good is we have each other. And that having a work bestie is a good thing. If you can swing that, I highly advise it because um that you know, not number one, all the memes you can send to each other because every one of them you're just like, oh my god, this is awesome. But also, and I mean, and Laura too. I mean, Laura's, you know, we we have a work bestie triangle, I would say. I mean, I love everybody I work with. I we work with lots of great people. It's not uh I'm not but but they're the people I've connected with and and have something beyond the you know nine to one ever every you know day we do. Yeah. But yeah, so it that so okay, that's and even I guess if it can't be a work bestie, having someone who understands where you're at and can at least I maybe it's a therapist, I mean maybe it's that kind of thing where you can at least have someplace because I believe in my mind, I think part of dealing with it is processing it and and accepting that this was hard. This was a hard, hard week. And and no, not everybody's gonna get it like a person who sat there with you hitting the send button on the computer. No, they're not gonna get it quite like that. But I think that is important that to let go of it. So you have to find somewhere to let go of it.

SPEAKER_01 6:59

Yes, absolutely. Because if you don't let go of it, I mean like then you're waking up in the middle of the night wondering, did I put that form in? And did I get that? Oh crap, you know, yeah, I forgot something, and then you don't sleep for the rest of the night. And then you wake up because you've got to check your computer, and then you tell yourself, don't do it, because it doesn't matter. It's already submitted.

SPEAKER_05 7:19

Yeah, exactly, exactly. There's nothing you can do now. That you know, that's my story as to why I'm not an attorney. Because when I was in law school my first semester, and the contracts professor said, Oh, he's like, Yeah, he said that one. He said, That's something you'll get up in the middle of the night and drive into work to make sure that got filed. Because and I I remember thinking to myself, I will never sleep again for the rest of my life. And it was like, I knew then, and you know, at the ripe age of 22, uh, when I'm making a huge decision, like how much money can I spend on more education? And I don't want to do this, and yet everybody's like, oh, just do it, just do it, you're good at this. And but it was like I knew, especially who I was then, that stress would have killed me. I and I know not every, I logically know not everybody is in that position and that kind of things, and there's lots of love, but it was just like no, and and yet look at where I am now, look at what I'm doing now. It's like yeah, you can't escape your destiny, Luke. I don't know. Is that uh is it that I have this fucking lesson to learn over and over and over again, you know, like that I get myself into these situations.

SPEAKER_01 8:32

Um I mean, I I've I've I'll be honest with you, I have wondered you know how you talk about jumping ship, is the grass gonna be greener somewhere else? Those kinds of situations where when it gets so bad sometimes at work, you wonder, is it is it worth it? And I and I and I I have I have come to this place, which is why I don't jump ship, I'm not leaving, I don't intend on going anywhere unless obviously something really you know bad or good happens, it's good for um whatever I'm probably struggling with now is gonna follow me anyway. Exactly. So I agree, it is a it is a lesson, it is a lesson, right? It's gonna follow me because it's not like another business is gonna be chill different in how you know what I mean. There are you know, we're working for companies that make millions and millions and millions and millions of dollars and and that will never change how people react and work and perform and have expectations of everyone around them when you're working around that level of of of just intensity of performance and what's expected of you. So it's like that will all that stuff will never it will just come with me. It will come with me. My my ability or inability to deal with difficult situations will come with me.

SPEAKER_05 9:58

And I mean, I don't know. We have talked about this, and it's like you can think, well, maybe a smaller company would be better. And I have worked for smaller companies doing the same thing, and that is not true. It's different, it's an economy of scale.

SPEAKER_01 10:12

They sorry the bad behavior would be tolerated. People will get away with more.

SPEAKER_05 10:18

Yes, yes, they do not have the HR like we have at all. Um, and but also too, um, like we talked about, you're expected to do a lot more because you don't have a department of 15, you have a department of maybe one or two. And also, too, even if it even if they're only going uh uh after what we would consider a very small amount of work for a much smaller dollar amount to them uh I have I worked in places where a hundred thousand dollar job was like, whoo, we gotta win this, whereas where we work now. Yeah, exactly. So so anyway, yeah, bigger, bigger point here is and and going right back to me in law school the shit will follow you. That anxiety followed me, and yet I still stay in these situations. And again, like we always say, I mean, I'm very grateful for this job, what this job did to change my life and everything, but and we've been talking about this too, uh kind of realizing that I I I pivoted back into this world. This was definitely a pivot, and it got me out of a really bad situation. It got me out of a situation I didn't think I was ever gonna be able to leave, and I thought that was gonna kind of be my life, and I was gonna ride out on that lonesome dirt road, you know. And it was like, Well, this so oh god, thank you. Thank you, universe, thank you, everything, thank you, where I work. My gratitude cannot be expressed. But sort of realizing it was like, well, this was great, and it got me here, and I, as I told you, it's like I went with this whole thing of like I don't want to remember that her from from back there. I don't, I don't ever want to be that again. I don't want to, you know, be on that dirt road. I want to stay up here in the D-Lux apartment in the sky. You know, it's like, oh, this kind of shit, like I'm loving this. I'm people will look at me and they'll be like, you're successful. You know what I mean? And it was like, that was what I wanted. That was that was kind of filling a need in me. I don't know if I talked about my whole theory on here yet, but I'm gonna talk about my whole theory. I have this thing about if you have holes in you, and that was a hole in me, I'm I'm recognizing that was a hole in me, this need to prove to people I'm not a loser. I am, you know, I my life fell apart. I got it back together. Well, you know, so I had this hole of and and I think you're all trying to prove it to yourself more than anybody else cares about. Most people don't give a shit about you. Most people all don't know about themselves. It's true. That's all we are, we're humans. But so I had this hole in me, and people can have different holes, and it and it I think a lot of times they are around things like success. Like really successful people can have very big holes. The problem is when you try to fill holes with status, um, things, money, that kind of stuff, the holes never get filled, they just get bigger. And I have seen this happen. I've seen people who had what I would just consider, you know, incredible amounts of money, inherited incredible amounts of money, who got to their 60s and were completely broke because what they had, which took almost 99% of the world would be excessive, excessive. They looked at their other richer friends, their friends who had, you know, they had their own private jet. I just had this small plane. I you know, and it was like, so they kept trying to fill the hole, and they f they eventually went through all their money, putting it in that hole, and the hole just got bigger. So I feel like I'm having a little bit of a reckoning right now of like, I'm trying to fill holes. I I came here and I tried and when I when I restarted my life here and and all of this, it was definitely an experience of trying to fill a hole and try to show the world I'm not a I'm not that person, and whatever. That person was doing some really good stuff though. And I think stuff that was really who I am, my real what we're talking about now, or the trauma healing, my book, this podcast, this kind of stuff, I do think that is really who I am and where I want to be. Okay. So, because that feels so much more authentic, you know, it's like than wanting another purse. Like the handbag, you know what I mean? It's like, because I get the handbag and I'm like, oh, it's really pretty. I do like it, it's really personal, you know what I mean? And it's like, oh, and it's about to know do I need a better one? So I recognize that in myself. It was like, yeah, this is a really inauthentic path. This is and who are you trying to show? Who are you trying to prove this shit to? Most people don't even hear or notice again. So I'm kind of in a pivot here. Another sort of a pivot in some ways back to to to being able to say, No, yeah, I was in a bad situation, and I'm in a good financial situation now, but what I was going for then was, I think, really important to me. And and I think maybe I I dare say what I was meant to do, what I was put here to do. I think I was unworth for that, and this kind of just became a little bit of a distraction. So, in a good way, in a good way. I needed to do this time to rebuild my life and to go through all of this and kind of you know get to a place where I could be like, Yeah, no, that wasn't that's not enough. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 15:59

So yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:00

Okay. I'm trying to think of my holes, honestly. I know I have holes.

SPEAKER_05 16:07

Well, yeah, but maybe, I mean, we do, everybody does.

SPEAKER_01 16:13

Well, I'll be honest with you, I've never filled my holes with clothes and shoes. Uh-huh. I mean I've never.

unknown 16:20

But I do.

SPEAKER_05 16:21

Some people fill their holes with bourbon. You know what I mean? You can make really bad choices too for your holes.

SPEAKER_04 16:28

I mean, or food. Cheesecake. Yeah, sure. Cheesecake.

SPEAKER_01 16:33

Um, but I do, but I think the big hole I think in my life was um because my mom, you know, we were we were three daughters. My mom raised her three daughters, divorced in the 70s and 80s.

SPEAKER_05 16:46

And kids, you don't know you don't even know kids.

SPEAKER_01 16:50

Yeah, I know what that would have what that was like in yeah. Yeah, yeah, I know. Um and so I think that when my mom remarried my stepfather, um my stepfather was an amazing, amazing, amazing man. I mean, I absolutely loved him. He wasn't that horrible stepfather that some people automatically like jump to conclusion that that's what was in my life. No, he was my dad was the one that was horrible, my stepfather was the one that was amazing. Um sorry, dad, they're both passed away.

SPEAKER_05 17:18

But um they can duke it out wherever they are, whatever place they're at.

SPEAKER_01 17:22

Yeah. Um, but there was always this weird stigma. I never looked at us as like, you know, I don't know, just these, you know, dirt, just dirty, trashy kids that never would never get me, you know, anywhere in their lives. And I remember, um, I remember even my stepbrother telling me later in life as my sister, Barbara, and I both achieved our master's degree, you know, he sat down with us and it was very condescending. It was like it was like it was one of those backhanded compliments of, you know, because my stepfather had seven kids, and they were not exactly happy about the fact that he married my mom, who was much younger than him, with kids that were younger than, you know. So there was a backhanded compliment by one of my stepbrothers, which was, yeah, we're really proud of you all. We never thought you would amount to anything. And it was like, but that's the thing, is in that moment I realized that I knew then, like I know now, that was my whole like needed to fill. Like I needed to prove, like I am something, I will amount to something. I am not going to, you know, I'm not gonna waste away this m this life. And um, I do think that's why. I mean, I I guess I did it in a way that some people would consider positive, like I got a master's degree, and I, you know, I I I I was I felt very accomplished, but but the backside of that was you know, student loan debt up to my ears, you know. So um, your stepbrother said that?

unknown 18:54

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 18:55

Oh, not your stepfather. My stepfather was always amazing. Yeah, his kids never really were happy about the yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:03

My stepbrother said that it was nice. Nice, I think. Yeah, I think, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 19:10

Well, and and I know, I mean, because I live the other side of that where my father married somebody much younger and had more kids. And not even bringing in her own kids, she didn't have any kids, they had more kids. My dad was a father again in his 50s because he was so good at it the first time. One more try, you know. Um, no, and so but um I still would, I mean I don't blame those those half siblings for anything that those two chose to do or whatever, you know what I mean? It's like so kind of shitty on your stepbrother, but again, people are you know the worst at times, and like like you guys had anything to do with it. And also, I mean, I wonder too, you know, how much of that was jealousy based, you know what I mean? Does he have a master's degree? Oh, yeah. Oh and and you know, like you're really getting something here, and and maybe even thought his dad, his dad, uh I I've heard that one plenty of times. My dad, and I want to say, do you mean our dad?

unknown 20:25

Do we have the same?

SPEAKER_05 20:28

Um, but maybe he thought his dad was paying for your degree or paid for your degree or something, you know, who knows? But I'm not trying to make it. No, no, I know.

SPEAKER_01 20:37

I should be able to everybody, everybody has a different motive. That was his hole. That must have been his hole.

SPEAKER_05 20:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:45

You know, if we're gonna look at it like that, that a hole he was trying to fill. So, you know, and in the end, if anything, it motivated me, but still, I mean, I know all my life I have I have definitely tried to deal with that hole. Even to this day at work, I think I try to deal with that hole of I'm good enough. I am good enough. I'm good enough to sit in this seat, I'm good enough to be this manager, and I have to pump myself up to believe that I am. It's it's anyway. Well, you're I wish I'm going off on a totally different podcast, but um that's the way these work.

SPEAKER_05 21:19

The podcast leads us to where we need to be. You know, yeah. Well, I think that you know, if we can kind of bring it back around, I think that um one of the things that's important about I'm I'm gonna call it the pivot lifestyle. I'm gonna talk about that because I I do think it is a thing. Um, I don't think we knew that's what it was, and it's a resiliency lifestyle. It's a um it's it's a way of looking at things, and that's why we did this.

SPEAKER_01 21:47

I love looking at it like a pivot lifestyle. I think that's a very I mean, for for my life, for what we're doing, I think that's a positive way to look at it. Yeah. I mean, you know, sometimes I get a little annoyed with my husband. Who constantly saying about how life is just not treating him like like night, life's never giving him a break, and it's just like life's giving you so many opportunities to pivot, is what it is.

SPEAKER_05 22:10

Yeah. How you pivot is the yeah. It is, and I think that is our core belief that it's about how you observe and interpret the events of your life. And as we've said, and this is again kind of tying this back together, it's not just positive thinking, it's not just, oh, if I sit here, everything good will happen because I'm thinking about it. I'm thinking about it. It's like it requires inspired action. That's the thing. And it also, I think, requires acceptance that there are going to be days where a part of you is just going to be like, this is all bullshit. This is just yeah, I can't do this. It's so dumb. What am I thinking? And because I'll tell you, at the beginning of this week, I was having feelings like that. And I know now it it was work just being it sapped me of that. So obviously, there's going to be moments in your life, and it may not be work, it may be family, who knows what it again. Your transmission goes on in your car. Whatever. So kind of how do you have a plan? How do you have a way to kind of something up? No, I'm looking for a quote. Oh, okay. I love it. No, so then I'll keep talking while you're looking. Um, oh, go ahead. Did find out I did.

SPEAKER_01 23:36

It's a Pablo Picasso quote, and it's somebody at work told me this quote, which I just I love this person too. Inspiration exists, the pivot exists, but it has to find you working. And I know it's kind of on a tangent of this, but I've I've always loved that. You know, inspiration exists, opportunities exist, but it has to find you moving.

SPEAKER_05 24:00

It has to find you working, it has to find you, yeah. Yes, you you can't just hope. That's not enough.

SPEAKER_01 24:06

Because sitting sitting in your desk and going, okay, where's my ideas? Yeah, you know, and you know, yeah, putting us on the keyboard.

SPEAKER_05 24:13

Yeah, where's you know, where where's my best-selling novel? It's like, well, did you write it? No, no, I hope it'll come to me. You know what I mean or it's like you know, when people talk about finding a romantic card. One day I'll have time. Yeah, one day I'll have to do it. One day I'll uh don't come and knock at your door. That's the thing. So you have to go out and pound the pavement. That's part of the deal. So I mean, when we talk about this stuff, it isn't just you know wishful thinking. It's yeah, you have to, I believe you have to have the thoughts and the energy to inspire you to take the action. That's what it comes down to. So so having things like your toolkit, your pivot toolkit. Like, okay. So, like for me, it was well therapy. I I very much right now have a great therapist, and it's it's a great thing working for me because it kind of helps me to just process through, you know, and and just also give yourself a break, you know. So it's like, so yeah, I'm not having the the best day. I'm I'm not feeling great about everything. I'll feel good about things again, you know. I I one of my little mantras when I was going through all of my healing work that really helped me was I won't always feel this way. Because I used to deal with a lot of very intense emotions before I I got to this point that could really affect my whole world. And and and anyone who was in them, it felt like, oh, this is it. And I I know anybody who listens to this, there's gonna be a huge percentage of people who are like, oh, I know, I know. When you're in it, you're in it. And it's just like hopeless. Those words, I won't always feel this way because it wakes up a little part of your brain that goes, Yeah, remember you were happy a week ago. You thought everything was good a week ago, and it's like, yeah. So that doesn't always last either. That's it. You have to kind of accept that you aren't always gonna be on cloud nine. There's gonna be days when you're on cloud negative 6.02 times tens of 23. You know, it's like you're gonna be in the having things like that, having ways to kind of try to give yourself and also accepting I'm not doing great right now, and that's okay. And again, I won't feel this way all the time, but but not you don't want to get into like toxic positivity where you're just like trying to force feelings and you feel terrible. It's like acknowledge I'm having a hard time. Now I like EFT tapping, and I have I'm a recent um convert, so of course I'm I'm in that proselytizing phase still where I want to share that with the world all the time. But um, I have found that a really helpful way to kind of turn my feelings around when I'm I'm having those times to at least get me to where I'm not wallowing down in those feelings of nothing good is ever gonna happen, my book will never happen, I'm just gonna be working here until I die because I have nothing to retire. I don't to try to keep me from staying in that place for too long. So that's um and I think when you're in your better places, that's where it's a good time to start developing that toolkit to develop yeah, how are the ways I'm gonna manage this?

SPEAKER_01 27:37

Yeah. And you know, and listening to people around you is a big part of it. I mean, yeah, I know in my life I've been through waves of depression, and I'll be honest with you, like I don't know about anybody else, but when I've been depressed, I didn't really know I was depressed. I didn't know I was, I really didn't know. I mean, somebody had to say, Are you doing okay? Are you something's off? You know, are you do you you know, so it took people coming to me and saying, you know, checking in, and um and then it's kind of like the depression takes you to a place where at least for me, where I didn't see where I was, I didn't know I was there, I didn't I just knew I felt I knew what I felt wasn't great. Yeah, and then it's like that swing up from the depression is when you finally can look back and go, Oh god, I I was wow, I was very depressed. And so that's the part I feel like is a little scary, but you know, if you've got the people, the support, and also you know, the signs to see.

SPEAKER_05 28:39

Yeah, and we always have on here on our podcast and in our website all kinds of resources. Because if if you need if you need real help, get real help. I mean, that's yeah, don't ignore that.

SPEAKER_01 28:53

Don't I know that go ahead. I know some people don't believe in this, and and and I and I understand that and respect that, but I do remember once I had my my doctor say to me, you know, it's okay if you want to take something to help you get through it. Yeah, and I felt like I was cheating in life, you know. And um, and she was just like, it's not forever. You don't have to take this antidepressant forever. It's just a moment in time. Back to your your your words, it's a moment in time. You're hitting a reset button, yeah, and at one point you're gonna stop taking it because you're gonna be okay, you know.

SPEAKER_05 29:32

So well, yeah, and I mean that to me is it's a very personal decision. I would never offer my thoughts on if you should or shouldn't. And again, again, um, we are simply unprofessional armchair psychologists.

SPEAKER_01 29:51

Yeah, but that's that's a part of the whole like have your have your have your resources around you, have your family, have your friends, yes, have your doctor if you know, can if you can see a doctor, if you can afford, you know what I mean? Like Yes, definitely. I mean, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 30:08

Don't don't um don't try to do a meditation or tapping if you're seriously depressed. I'm not in any way as a matter of fact, I was gonna qualify that when I was talking about my EFT and things. I feel like I have done, and and I've had, I mean, I've had plenty of therapists say to me, You work really hard at this. And, you know, my therapist, one of them used to say, I didn't want anybody who works as hard at this. And I was trying to get better. I didn't want to be where I was, and I wanted to figure it out. Now, when I finally figured out that after everybody came at me with all these diagnoses, it was trauma and I needed to work through and deal with my trauma. I feel like I've sort of leveled up. I'm I'm at a point now where it's like things like EFT really work for me and pull me out of things because I am not seriously depressed. There are times in my life, nothing, oh my god. I was telling, I was telling my therapist about it this week. I there was one time I read, and I was probably in my 30s then, and because I suffered with serious depression in my life on and off, and and it was bad at times. And I read this thing that suggested memorizing passages as like a way to reset your brain. And I I could still do a lot of the witches um passage speech, whatever from McMeth. I knew thrice the branded cat half mute, thrice and once the hatch fit cries, high beer or why, high beer cries, just time, just time. I did that to try to like get the depression out of my brain. I would do anything. Wow, it didn't work, it didn't, that doesn't work. And if you're seriously depressed, I would never say to you, Oh, EFT tapping, this will get rid of your depression. No, this is like to me, pivot toolkit stuff, which is way different than seriousness. I would say I would call it let's call it maintenance. Yeah, yeah, I love that. Yeah, because it is, and I I think it's really important that we say that because none of this is intended for people who are going through really serious shit. If you're on your trauma healing journey or you're dealing with a psychological condition, whatever it is, pivot might be a little further ahead than your headlights are right now. It it's um it's a rest out down the road. And so trying to rush pivot, trying to make pivots happen when you're not in a place and ready for it. No, that's I would not ever advise anyone to do that. This is like kind of grad school, you know, it's like we graduated, we got that part of our work done, and let that you know be as much of an inspiration as you want, because if I told you stories about how bad my life was before and what I have been through and what I'm doing now and where I am, I'd like to say you can heal. You can heal, and healing is possible. And then you get to a point where it's like, now I want to do the fine-tuning. Now I want to take this and help other people have this have the experience I have had.

SPEAKER_01 33:06

And the thing about I think, you know, I mean, if we're gonna connect, oh, are we just exactly my um yeah. Oh god.

SPEAKER_05 33:16

Oh my sorry, my um garage fan is giving me a message that went all across the screen and I thought it was Zoom.

SPEAKER_01 33:24

So anyway, okay, so well, okay, so if you're hitting record again. Um I think the other part of it is too, if we're gonna kind of come back full circle to you know where you are in your life, will really help kind of help you figure out how much you can pivot. Yeah. Um I I feel very lucky. I mean, but I think this is why we're doing this, is to to not only talk about it so that we can we can we can talk about our pivots and also potentially maybe reach other people to to help them on, you know, just to help them or if they want to hear about our story. But I think that um I don't think I've ever in my life been willing to look at the situation that I'm in and and and look at it in a way that I'm like, okay, you're blessed. Because I've heard people talk about this in the past. I've heard people talk about that in-between time, you know, you want the dream to happen, you want the you want the the book to be published, you want the somebody to to recognize your talent and and and you know, and you've gotta you've gotta respect this in between time, you've gotta, you've gotta accept it. And um I can't remember who it is, but she's a motivational speaker who talked about this this time between being, you know, who you who you are who and who you want to be. And um, but I will think of this, you know, like again, the universe put us in each other's lives, I think, for a reason, because never have I ever looked at my situation in the way that we have really lately, which is whenever work gets shitty, whenever work is messy, whenever we've had weeks like we've had where it just I mean, you just want to run screaming from your computer and not look back for days. Um, you know, we will sit at we'll sit and look at each other and go, um, you know, this is the universe telling us this is this is not meant for us. You have a you have a term for it.

SPEAKER_05 35:33

Divine discontent. Divine discontent. And actually that came from a a course I did. I should probably say who that was because um I do little courses on Insight Timer. Insight Timer does not sponsor us. If they'd like to, they may. Um, but um I do courses on it. I do I really do love Insight Timer. Shameless, you know, nobody, like I said, nobody's paying me to say this. Um, I love the meditations. Anybody, you know, people can upload them or whatever, and there's thousands of them to choose from. But they also have like courses that go on for days, and I've done um all kinds of them. But the um this one came from a woman's course. Her name is Susanna Kenton. She's in the UK, and um it it's a course called Quit Your Day Job. And it it's it's really good because it's not like um it's not like she's very, you know, it's like if you're ready to jump, jump. And she has her whole story about how she did, you know, and how she's she lives the gig life. Um, but um she talks about divine discontent as one of the things that it's like, oh, you're uncomfortable? Guess why. Yeah, guess why? Because you don't fit there. It's the universe telling you, you know. Um yeah, but uh, and then she also talks about, you know, not everybody's in a place to just jump ship.

SPEAKER_01 36:56

Um, but I just connected a dot. So, you know how we talked about in the beginning of the podcast about how jumping ship, you know, the whole idea of jumping ship and will will your shit follow you? Will it be better? Is it less greener? So, I mean, I mean, maybe this is obvious to everybody um you know listening, but like I don't know, it just connected the dots for me of of the whole idea of jumping ship and moving to a different company. Yes, it you'll in my in my life, in my experience, I don't think it will change anything. The shit will follow me. I will still have the frustration. So, so the reality is, is like I'm choosing to look at this discontent as the motivator for pushing myself to do what I want to do. And I know that people are like, yeah, that's obvious, that's exactly what you're saying, but like there was a moment of an aha moment there in all of that, which was the next time that I'm at work and I'm like, fuck the shit, I'm out of here. There's gotta be a better place where I can make more money and get treated just as badly. Yes. And I no, no, that's the divine discontent. And I know that we've been saying this, but it's just no, that's it's gotta be the new sometimes. It's like the um, it's like the apple, you know. It's like the I bite the apple, just take a bite, you know, move on somewhere else. Things will be better, but it will only be better temporarily.

SPEAKER_05 38:30

Oh, right, right, right, right. It's and and the universe will make sure when you go to that next job that hey, guess what? That that yeah, okay. You you you're making a little more money to take the same shit every day. Yeah. Yeah, they're making more money, so they expect you to really take it.

unknown 38:49

Exactly. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 38:54

So it's like, oh, you own a little more of me, great. Um you got a little more leverage on money. Or you'll midnight if you want to.

SPEAKER_01 39:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 39:03

Yeah. No, so exactly. That's it. It's like that divine discontent is gonna follow you wherever you go until you're true to your yeah, your purpose, I think, you know. And I mean, and I I'm sure there are many, many individuals out there who would think we are just cuckoo crazy and that's yeah, and or no, or just like we're just throwing in this, you know, rock floating through space, and none of this matters. And all it's like, well, it might be true, but I mean, whatever. That's how you want to live your life.

SPEAKER_01 39:37

And so given the opportunities to feel what we feel and love what we love, doesn't you know?

SPEAKER_05 39:44

I have to believe it's for a reason. I do, I do have that sense. It's like too much, I don't know. Anyway, we don't know if we want to go down that philosophical rabbit hole. That's the nature of existence. But um, but no, I mean, uh that's that is from where we come, that there is a purpose, there is a grander, bigger purpose, and yeah, and and we're we're here for a reason. And for some people it might be, you know, just turning in one thing after another at work and amassing a fortune, and that makes them happy. And that's what they're you know, they I don't know. But for us and and people who have bigger dreams and people who have a vision, that's really hard. My cheeks are getting so red. Um, I don't know. Really? It's not many. Oh well, maybe it was that coffee I slugged down right before we started. I don't know. Oh my god, it's so funny. I don't know. But I just know it's I know we throw my tea.

SPEAKER_02 40:47

No, so um feeling I'm finally feeling it. I know.

SPEAKER_05 40:51

So yeah, it's um it is part of the pivot lifestyle is how do we manage the the things that maybe well the divine disruptors um the this contest, you know. Yeah, and and again, again, by putting it in your in your head and your brain and your nervous system and subconscious and all of this, if instead of being like, oh my god, my life sucks, this is so hard, I don't want to do, I'm gonna have a heart attack one of these days, it's gonna kill me. Being like, no, thank you, universe, thank you. This isn't where I belong, this isn't where my heart and my passion are. Thank you. Well, in my mind, that's like a bazillion times better than you know, just being like, oh, it's terrible, it's so bad. It's like, no, it, you know what I mean? It's like, no, I just know, I know I can do it, and and that's the thing. When I sort of get my my brain straightened around like that, it's like, oh, I can do this. I see a light, and it's like, and I do a good job, I do my best at work. It's not like I I do not coast at work, I do not in any way, shape, or form, coast at work. I give work what it needs, I I try to do my job well every day. I know you're an absolute overperformer. And I really, I really do try, and because I think that is important. I do believe karmically that if I were screwing my employer now and constantly trying to make my light green while I'm doing something else and messing around, I don't think that's okay. So it's like to me, that's like part of the karmic deal I'm setting here. But it's like that um that crazy thing we watched, that that little uh reel about um it's okay to do a good job but not give a shit about where you work. Yes, and I try to stay in that place. It's like I will do a good job, I do my best to accomplish the work that is put in front of me every single day, but I do not allow myself to care about the outcome. Now I know there are people who I would rather do hear me say that because I'll fake in front of them that I do care. And I do. I mean, I don't want the company to go belly up because I like having a job there, you know.

SPEAKER_01 43:17

No, no, so I mean, like if we have a stand in front of our leadership and I I we absolutely do care. There's no doubt that we care. We we we want to succeed, we want to help our group be successful, though we're not taking it to bed with us and waking up at 12 o'clock.

SPEAKER_05 43:34

Exactly what I was gonna say. That's that's the thing I won't do. When I shut my computer off at the end of the day, yeah, I don't want to look at any more texts and emails. I don't want to think about what happened during the day. It's like, okay, or my morning, actually for me, it's more like before I get on in the morning, that is my time.

SPEAKER_01 43:53

And again, if we're gonna bless our workspace, thank God we work in an environment that respects our personal time. Cause it really It really does. We do work in an environment where there is an enormous amount of respect for our personal time. We're expected to maintain our personal time. Anyone who asks us to work outside of normal business hours is really, you know, you know, anyway. I could go we this is a whole matter. But no, I mean we do. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 44:20

Yes, we are. We are very lucky that they do take uh burnout and mental health for whatever reasons, but they do. They do take it very seriously. And yeah, so that's really good. You are not, and I I always tell the people I manage that. It's like I'm not ever gonna give you uh a thumbs up if I see you working at 10 o'clock at night. I'm not gonna be like, wow, you're really I'm gonna be like, um, why were we working at 10 o'clock? Why did you not tell me you needed help so that you could have not stayed that late? And they know that they know if I happen to pick up on that, it's like nobody's gonna reward you here for doing that kind of shit. You will get rewarded for coming to me and telling me there's a problem. Your reward will be you don't have to work until 10 o'clock at night. But I mean, and we'll deal with it, we'll fix it. Well, you know, I'll address it, I'll take it on. But it's like, so yeah, totally. But also, again, I I guess what that really is. I know she is being that woman is so hilarious. I mean, what was she doing in that one where she was God, she does crazy stuff. Well, she was putting like frosting on something crazy. Frosting a cheesecake or something. She was putting frosting on the case. Yeah, the recruiter. That was her. That's awesome. Um, and I here's what I mean, it's she's being funny and humorous to get people to watch her and and get the point. The point isn't really I don't care, it's that I'm not going to let work destroy my mental and emotional health. That's what she's really saying. It's like, I do care about my job, obviously. Like we've said, I want people to do well. I want my team to be happy and successful and healthy. I want all of that. But I don't want to have a uh my gut in a knot or chest pains or whatever it is, my hair falling up. Any of that shit for that, for that, because yeah, I can't give that to anybody. And I'm too old for that shit. I'm too, too damn old to affect my physical health. I don't have the resiliency, physical resiliency of a 25-year-old. You know, it's like I talk to people who get to a certain age, and it's like, yeah, there's a lot of shit that kind of hangs around for a while. It's like I'm talking with somebody about helping someone move, and I'm like, I have gotten really selective about that kind of stuff because it's like my body is just like, hey, hey.

SPEAKER_01 46:48

Oh, yeah. I feel the need to acknowledge her. I need to find her. What her name is. What is her name? Is it like Emily the Recruiter? Or is it Emily the Recruiter? I feel fine now. She's all over my feed, too.

SPEAKER_05 47:01

Yeah, she is yeah. But but the overall point, what she's getting at there is, yeah, don't make yourself sick for your job. You can do a good job. And and also I think some people really get into um the work drama and politics and all of that kind of stuff. And they're doing this. Did you see this? Did you see what he did? And I mean, did you see? I was just like, nope, nope. I was probably trying to work on something else while I was in that meeting, so I wasn't watching everybody to make sure they were behaving properly. So I mean, it's like it's like let work be work. Let work be your work. And for some people, again, their work is their work, and that's what they do, and that's what they want to do, and it gets their means to their end. For some of us, work is a way to get to our next level.

SPEAKER_01 47:48

Um recruiter. Okay. Yeah, she's awesome. She's the one that's yeah, really awesome. Yeah, she was usually making something in her video is like, yeah, I tried it.

SPEAKER_05 48:00

It was like she was putting no, it was Marshmallow fluff on cheesecake or something. Like she when she made her own piping bag with a Ziploc bag. So I mean, if you sit back and you watch her, she is fucking hilarious. Like, what are you doing? And the way she's doing it is so all business making her, you know, making her a zip-lock bag piping bag, you know, and it's just like, what are you doing? But what she's saying is really important. So so yeah, walk away when you walk away. Yeah. So part of the pivot lifestyle is is managing where you give your energy. Because if you want to pivot, you've got to have some energy saved up for it. You really do. Yes, you do. Yes, you do. Oh my god, yes, you do, yes. It's like a foundation, it's like that has to be your foundation. You have to have foundational energy to do to move beyond, especially if, like, you know, you're um you're not only having a more than full-time job that has huge responsibility, you're also raising family. You got that going too. I'm raising two cats.

SPEAKER_01 49:16

You know, still a full circle here. So we talked about the holes. Yes. We talked about the holes, we talked about the pivot, we're talking about Emily the recruiter, we're talking about not giving too much. So this is the part that's interesting. It just clicked with me. You know, my not good enough has caused me to over per, you know, over give at work. You know what I mean? I have been that person working, you know, not just once or twice until three or four in the morning. You know what I mean? There were there were there were months and months and months. I mean, there was, I think, a year of my life where I was waking up at five o'clock in the morning and not going, not stepping away from my desk until 10 o'clock at night. You know what I mean? Yeah. Um, oh yeah. But the part that's interesting is what you just said, I did that to fill the hole. I did that to fill my hole so that I could feel like I was good at my job. I could feel like so. That was my hole. And now it's like, you know, really coming through my depression, coming through my not good enough, going through my therapy. And now at this place where I can hear Emily the Cruder say, You don't have to do that. Well, she's not, let's put it this way. I don't want to, I don't want to necessarily, she's probably not saying you don't have to do that, but just basically bringing to light, like, yes, you give enough. Yes, you give enough, you give enough, you give enough, you do give enough, you give enough hundreds of things. And I also think one of the things that saved me and all of that was my therapist telling me for years and years and years, get something in your life that you will stop working for. Yes, you will stop, you will walk away from your desk because there was not enough in my life, you know what I mean? My husband was frustrated, my kids were frustrated, and they were like, Why can't you just you know step away? And there was so much fear around it. But um, you know, through enough therapy, through enough that, but yes, that's what it was was finding something where you would be like, I gotta stop doing this because I've got other things I've gotta do. I've gotta save my energy, I've gotta save my my who I am, I've gotta move into something else. I've got to that part of me is ending for the day. I've given my 150%. Now I'm gonna go do something else.

SPEAKER_05 51:26

Yeah, I I used to do the same thing because I felt like what I had to offer wasn't enough. So it was like the only way I could feel like I was worth keeping was I'm willing to kill myself. I'm willing to fucking kill myself. Yeah. For you, look what I'm doing. I'm here all night. I never went home last night. I stayed all night.

SPEAKER_01 51:47

Now again, and then we learned through the years that nobody gives a fuck if you're nobody remembers that.

SPEAKER_05 51:54

No, it's like, well, thank you. Thanks. No, and the thing is, I can't do that anymore. I mean, there's my physical limitations of my age are I cannot. I mean, you've been out on me close to 11 o'clock at night on very rare occasions, I'm happy to say. And I'm gonna tell you, I mean, it's like I'm having trouble stringing stringing sentences together, and then I've got at least two or three days of trying to make up for what took out of me. Yes, that exactly because the problem is I I get off then and I'm too wound up to actually go to bed. So that's probably I'm exhausted beyond belief, but I'm too wound up because I probably had late coffee trying to do this. Luckily, we rarely have to do that, but there like you're saying, there was a time in my life when that was how I proved my worst.

SPEAKER_01 52:46

Wouldn't even wouldn't even think of anything else to do, wouldn't even blink an eye, you know.

SPEAKER_05 52:51

No, and it was like, and a lot of times it was like, look at me carrying my cross. I'm a martyr, I'm a martyr, look at me, look at how hard I work, look at how I work. You want to keep me here because I'm a martyr. And it's like, how insufferable was I managing me had to be a real challenge for people.

SPEAKER_01 53:12

You know what I'm learning now? This is this is that you know what I won't go that road because um that's that's a whole nother podcast.

SPEAKER_05 53:19

We got we've got a lot of podcast um seeds on this one.

SPEAKER_01 53:22

Yeah, this one, just if we're gonna note it, it's about how to manage yourself at work, how to manage yourself at work, how to manage your work-life balance at work, because too many of us expect our managers to do it for us.

SPEAKER_05 53:37

Yes, yes. It yeah, yeah. And I will say the the good thing about where we work is it's a very clear message that's not tolerated, you know, that it's not uh um allowed. But ultimately, again, yeah, it's like I'm not helping you if I'm doing that for you as your manager. I'm really not. Helping you is teaching you and and and also modeling for you.

SPEAKER_01 54:04

Modeling, it's like I really do believe it is a pivot to to it's terrifying. Don't get me wrong, it is fucking terrifying to say, no, I can't do that.

SPEAKER_05 54:15

Yeah, no, I won't do that, especially when your history is that's my self-worth, that's what made me right. That's why you convince yourself that's why they kept you. Not that your word was incredible.

SPEAKER_01 54:26

Or I'll do it on Monday. I won't do this now. I'll I'll fix this up on Monday. But even that alone for some is is yeah, yeah. Or no, I'm out of the office for the next week. So we're going to either have to table it or I'll have to reassign it to somebody. Yeah. Or what you know, like, or you know, you're going to take it up if you need it that badly. So yeah, no, no, no. I'm I'm that is and I'm learning that with management, now that I'm in management, that my management really doesn't want to solve my problems. Not at all. Not at all. They don't want they don't give a fuck about my problems. They just want me to run smoothly. Yeah. They don't want me to go to them with the course. Our manager is fantastic, she will help us. But I'm just ultimately that layer of leadership they they don't they don't they don't want our problem.

SPEAKER_05 55:18

No, they just want us to solve it. And and I don't think I think we kind of I don't I I have to join myself in this, but you figured out that when you solved the problem, it was like, okay, good. And nobody has nobody wants to see how the sausage was made.

SPEAKER_01 55:37

If you've got a lot of things, and then it's like, oh, I am good enough. My ideas are good enough, my solutions are good enough. Yeah. So again, you know.

unknown 55:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 55:47

But but but that pivoting of of um that big pivot.

SPEAKER_05 55:53

It is a big pivot of really. We see that all the time. I'll be kind of clear with my team. It's like, yeah, I'll stay late and help and make this happen. I also make more money. And part of why I make more money is I'm supposed to take on more. I get that, and I accept that. And that's a that's an agreement I made. You know what I mean? It's like I understand that and everything, but it's like I don't want you to think that that's why I got this job or that's why I'm I was promoted or whatever. It's like I'm promo I was promoted to manage this department. So I will do things if I have to do them to manage the department. I get that. Don't model that part of the behavior and think that's what did it. It's like and I don't do it a lot. I I make it very clear, and I, you know, it's like do we have to do this tonight? Doesn't it? And I understand, I 100% understand because I am, you know, some real achievers. I love that and they're fantastic. But sometimes, and I understand because I I can do this too. Sometimes, yeah, you do work off hours to not be interrupted and to be ready so that the next day isn't like we did on Sunday, like we just did this past week on Sunday. It's like I don't want to jump right into that ring of hell, so I'm gonna get it a little better so I can go to a little higher ring of hell. It won't be quite so bad. Fine, that's fine. Anyway, anyway, that really is neither here nor there, as far as we're talking about. So um, so yeah, the living the pivot lifestyle. That's that's really what this is all about. Living that sweet, sweet pivot lifestyle. Um and and how to um, you know, the give yourself grace, give yourself room to have the hard times, to not let the hard times end your dreams, though. To not, you know, yeah, and and to be like, okay, yeah. I I had to kind of keep reminding myself, work was really hard this week. What you did was hard, hard, so emotionally draining. So of course you don't have a lot to give to yourself. But I will say this, I still got up every day. I still, at least in my meditation, I at least did, you know.

SPEAKER_01 58:10

My ips that you you still got up, you still were dedicated to you. You know what I mean? You know what's funny? I stayed up almost until one o'clock almost every day this week. Which is not a healthy choice, I realize. Yeah. But I was so drawn. I I was I'm telling you, I'm at a part in this new book. The new one I'm writing. I'm I I I I can't I can't stay away from my characters.

SPEAKER_04 58:38

Oh, I love that.

SPEAKER_01 58:39

It's hard, it's painful. It's like a move. I know. Yeah. So I get that.

SPEAKER_05 58:45

So I was having well, yeah, that was in a way your own self-care to stay on your pivot. Yeah, you know where you're.

SPEAKER_01 59:06

But it, you know, I mean, it makes sense. It energized you, it energized you, it brings you back to where you want to be. And I think that's critical in this whole pivoting is is also being grounded, understanding what you're looking at, what you want, where you are, and willing to see things for what they are, because I think that the the pivot for us, again, I I feel very fortunate that um the divine discontent is not an easy thing to see. It is not an easy thing to acknowledge. I mean, the the the part of me that wants to just bitch and say, motherfuckers, you know, they're they're doing this to me. The reality is, is like, okay, thank you, universe, for the sign. Thank you for giving me another kick in the butt to keep moving in this direction.

SPEAKER_05 59:55

100% it is. It is.

SPEAKER_01 59:58

I think I've had a um I was doing my um automatic writing this morning, and I think that my automatic writing was um about making mistakes. I I don't know if it I I mean I don't know why this might not even be connected. Oh my god. I don't even know if it's disconnected, but yeah. What did I write? Because it's because I feel like this has to do with the pivot being grounded, being willing to see the divine discontent. Um to make a lot of mistakes. You have to make a lot of mistakes. You have to make a lot of mistakes in this process. This is my this is my automatic writing. Um basically have making a lot of mistakes will be the key to being successful.

unknown 1:00:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:50

I'm sure a lot of people automatically think that, but I needed to, I guess, clearly needed to be given that message this morning.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:56

No, I think that is really important. That that that is that's part of all of it is trying and trying and and and letting the universe tell you, does that work, does that not work? Is that good, bad? You know what I mean? If you don't? And and really they're not mistakes, they're they're guideposts. They're like, oh, that was not it. That was not it, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 1:01:17

I think this is a really easy way to say it, but I remember a long time ago when I was you know younger and you know, very awkward and very um, you know, terrified to even say what I, you know, thought somebody was like, a mistake is not a you haven't made them, you haven't made a mistake like a mistake. It's a miss take. You just miss the mark a little. Re-aim, refocus, readjust, try again. Take it again. Take it again. I know it's another cheesy way to look at it, but it helped me in my life to go for it's not really a mistake. I didn't make a mistake, I didn't do something wrong.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:50

No, I just exactly I just need to adjust. Right. Right. Some things you try, and but if you don't try again.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:00

Sorry? Yeah, I'm getting this up on a tangent again.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:04

This is a series, this is a plucky series of tangents. Somehow, someway it's all gonna connect again, right? I think it does. I think it does. You know what I mean? That's that's what this is all about, are the thoughts that get us to where we are. And I do think that um I I always think of a Michael Scott on the office. Um when when he does the Michael Scott paper company and he's written on the whiteboard, um, you miss 100% of the chances you don't take. And then he's got Wayne Gretzky in really small letters, and then Michael Scott, like, because he's going. Of course, Michael Scott has to take credit for it. But anyway, it it is. That's a it's true. It's you miss 100% of the chances you don't take. So if you if you don't make the mistake, you won't know what doesn't work. You know what I mean? Or yeah, it's again the guideposts, they're guideposts. It's like, you know, and and I really I came out of an environment where it w that was not very encouraged. If if you screwed something up, it was like, well, you you failed, you weren't good enough. You were, you know, it was very much pile on, pile on, you know, and why did you try? Why would you even try? You know what I mean? So, and it's like, I would so much rather be a person who's tried a lot of crazy shit, and at the end of my life be like, okay, I ticked off a lot of boxes there, you know what I mean? You are right, you are right, you are right. It's like, well, okay, yeah, that didn't work. So what did you do? You know, oh, I went to my job every day and I did this and I went fishing on the weekends, and that was enough for me. And it's like, well, good for you, Linda. But hey, you know, don't um don't knock me because I tried a lot of stuff. I I think the people who really come at you about that are fearful people. They're afraid, yeah, they're afraid of the shame of of failure. They're afraid of, well, what if it isn't perfect? What if I don't do it? It's like, and that's a really boring life in my mind because I have tried a lot of different things.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:05

That's the world of social media I'm finding as I navigate marketing the book. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that that that whole like shaming others is it's that whole again, another one on a TikTok, but it really, it really is.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:19

I mean, it it's it's a I mean TikTok, do I say TikTok? I mean podcasts. I know what you meant.

SPEAKER_05 1:04:25

No, it it's um feeling shame and feeding others shame is a really shitty way to feel better about yourself and hide your own shame. And so I, you know, whenever people are like that, it's like, okay, well, I you you just told me everything I need to know about you, and um yeah uh in in in one sentence. Thank you. Now I understand you, and I could give zero fucks about what you just said to me. So it's like yeah, you wanna you wanna match up lives and see who's been my I don't know. I I've always been like that's why the thought of like that's why it's been so hard for me to figure out what do I want to do with my life, because I wanted to do a lot of things, and to me, picking one, I'm not good at making decisions. I will fully admit that. You you can ask my family about my inability to make decisions, kind of legendary. But it it shows because it's like it's actually, I think, more a fear of commitment. Like, I don't want to commit to one thing because what if something else was the better choice, or what if something else, what if I like that more, whatever. So I've tried a lot of stuff and I've done a lot of things and I've done a lot of things. And I would not but I when I talk to younger people and I give them the wisdom of my many years on this planet, I always encourage them. It's like, try things, do things. Don't, don't just, you know, I know the world is telling you all the time, pick one thing and do it. You know what I mean? What are you gonna be? What are you gonna be when you grow up? What are you gonna be for your career? And it's like, I wouldn't advise you to pick one thing, I advise you to pick a few and try things out and see, because at the end of one's life. I think rarely do we say, well, I'm really glad I was a solid style work employee and showed up every day and helped somebody else make a whole lot of money.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:11

I just think the world helps are changing so fast that there's no way anybody can stay in one job for their entire career. Our friends the millennials.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:21

Our friends and millennials really ushered in that era of where it started to look kind of like you stayed at one job for 40 years. What's wrong with you? You know what I mean? Like, do you not have any, you know, ambition or whatever? Because there was a when we were coming up, Gen X, it was like you get a job and you get a you get a degree. Because if you the the the great lie they told us, just get a college degree and then you can do anything you want. It's like that was not true. You get a polypsy econ major with a history minor for good measure, and you go out into the world, nobody's like, well, come here and program computers. It's like, um, no. Um, even like business things, it's like, well, that's not a business degree. It's like, yeah, but I know, I know they told me this would be good enough. But anyway, um, but we were basically told you get a job and you do whatever they say and you hold on for dear life because that is your lifeline. And you and so then heap on the shame when people would lose their jobs and stuff like that. Yeah, what are you gonna do? And it's like, so yes, all high praise to the millennials who came in and said, you know what? I've done this for a while. I think I need to go to Bali for a month. You know, you can live in Bali for a year a month for a thousand dollars. You know what? This is my impersonation of a millennial. You can live in Bali for a thousand dollars for a whole month and just rethink it all. It's like, I love you, I love that that's where you go and do with this because that's actually way healthier than holding on to a job slinging. I do they brought a lot of benefits for the rest of us. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:01

You want me to do what?

SPEAKER_05 1:08:02

No.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:02

Yeah, where I want to work. Yeah. If I want to be in the office, I'll be in the office. If I want to work from home, I'll work from home. If I want to work at a coffee shop, I'll work at a coffee shop. Like I love that. I love that.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:14

I do too. I do too. It really shook things up that needed to be shaken up. And again, I think that just shows the um the high pivot potential of millennials, of the generalized millennial, you know, that like, yeah, no, I want to do something different, I want to try something different. And you'd watch them have these amazing careers. Um, I'm a brand ambassador for you know, whomever and whatever. And I just I do this on social media, and it's just like a natural living, yeah, yeah. It's like, oh my god, you guys you have the coolest careers. And I don't know about sustainability, but you know what? Nothing is fucking sustainable. I hate to break it to people. Shit, it always, always, everything has always been changing and evolving. It is just part of life on this planet. The worst thing you can do for yourself and your mental health is hope things stay the same. You see people doing very miserable people doing that all the time. Like, don't change things. I want things to be like they used to be in the good old days when things are so bad now, things are the worst they've ever been. And it's like, oh my god, my whole life. I mean, I was born in the middle of Vietnam. I was born in the middle of the civil rights era. I mean, and then go a hundred years back. This country from when I was born, this country was in a civil war. It's like things are never going to be great. Life is hard, the time on this planet is fraught with peril. We're all just holding on and doing our best. Is it maybe the best thing we can do for each other is be kind and encouraged and help each other have their best time here we can? I don't know. Is that a crazy idea? Apparently it is because a lot of people want to go the other direction and be like, you don't think like me? Okay, I'm gonna kill ya. You know what I mean? Oh, okay. You can't live if you don't agree with me. Okay, you know, it's like, where do we get? And you know what my answer is where we get how we get to that point, right? Trauma. Oh, yes, definitely. I will always go back to trauma as my answer, my my general answer to this stuff. But anyway, well, I kind of feel like we've um come full circle several times over. Do you would you agree? And um kind of our you know, in our roundabout way here of talking about, you know, how to live the pivot lifestyle and how to live it in the times when um nothing. We'd rather be doing fun. Or yeah, or or we're not we're drained by the thing we don't really want to be doing and our our dream feels kind of bleak. I the you know, I think the my overall, my overarching thing is make the plans when you're feeling good. Make the plans for how you're gonna deal with, have your toolkit for how you're gonna deal with that so that yeah, we'll inevitably have down times, but how can you make them a little more like today? I was telling you, I was out for a walk and something happened and it it kind of turned me a little bit, and it it gave me like a bad feeling, there's some shame kind of in there and stuff, and it was just like just a weird little thing. And I was like, I don't like how this is harshing my mellow at all. And so I came up with this idea. I mean, that sounds weird. I I I thought to myself, what can I do? And it's like I would really like to do some tapping, but I'm walking down the street. So I literally started tapping the side of my hand on my bag that I had with me. I was just pointing up, and I started doing some EFT on the street, saying these things to myself or whatever, and it helped me. It helped pull me back out of that before it got too far. So that's part of my toolkit. That's what I can do. Having things like that in your back pocket is really gonna help you for the moments that life is inevitably going to that's because it is. It's it's it's the universe points in directions. Doubt about that. So yeah, and I don't know. Um, I like I kind of do talk about like the things that I like to do. Obviously, I talked about them in here, my my kind of toolkit, but maybe someday we'll have a um maybe we should ask all our guests, you know, what's in your toolkit? How do you, you know, if they've even thought about that? Yeah, that would be kind of cool. I think that's a good thing. I like that. What's in your toolkit? Yeah, get some people back on and say, how do you how do you deal when we should definitely have Laura back on because Laura was definitely involved in our our past week of Yeah. Yeah, and she did stay up until she yeah, yeah, and and gave up parts of her P her vacation time. I like to say PTO when we're out in the real world. To me, that's such corporate speak. It was her vacation time, she had to give up. But anyway, um talk about how we we recover and our pivot. I think that'd be fun. So we'll kind of we'll do that one day. And um, so yeah, signing off here. I'm Vandenmeer. Ann Kingston. And we are presenting the Pivot Happens podcast. The fluffy little podcast that could. Oh, what were we gonna say? We had a little um a sign-off thing about what did we we took it from something I said about um um you'll be stronger than you know when you get there. So again, remember you'll be stronger than you know when you get there and keep on pivoting.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:35

Keep on pivoting. Bye. Seriously, we are 100% non-qualified unprofessional armchair psychologists. The Pivot Happens podcast is for entertainment purposes only and is not a substitute for any form of professional mental or physical health care. If you are experiencing any mental health issues, please reach out and find qualified help. If you do not currently have a support system in place, the NAMI helpline provides the one-on-one help and information necessary to tackle tough challenges that you, your family or friends are facing. Call, text or email with the helpline MF, 10 AM to 10 p.m. Eastern Time. 988 Crisis Service available 247. Call 1800-9506264. Text Text NAMI to sixty-two thousand six hundred and forty in a crisis. Call or text nine eight eight.