Pivot Happens - Episode 4, Part 2: Pivot as a Verb wsg Laura

We are Anne Kingston and Von denMeer and welcome to our podcast! It's Episode FOUR (a continuation of Episode THREE) and it's all about the action you need to take to pivot or react to pivots - inspired action as Von denMeer likes to call it. 

Today's Episode, Pivot as a Verb, PART 2, features our friend, Laura! She is a fellow traveler on the pivot path and has had a life full of pivots and sees it all in a wonderful, positive way, while acknowledging what we believe too - this shit is hard! Join us for Part 2 of an intentionally meandering, wide-ranging discussion with our posse of pivoters.

Work brought us together, writing bonded us for life, but we also found that we shared a lot of similar beliefs about life and moving toward where you really want to be. We started talking about pivots and the podcast idea came from that. We wanted to share our experiences on making pivotal choices in our lives and those other times the Universe made the choices for us and how we survived (and thrived). We focus on resilience and we invite people with interesting and inspiring pivot stories to come on and share with us and our audience (we will have one someday, right, Buzzsprout? That's part of the deal. . . ). Want to share you're story? Reach out!

We call ourselves the Unprofessional Armchair Psychologists, but this is pure silliness and if you need REAL mental heal help, please reach out. If you need to connect, you can reach NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) at Call: 1-800-950-6264, Text “NAMI” to 62640, or if you're in a crisis, Call or Text 988. Don't wait! Your pivot may be just around the corner and we want you here and healthy for it.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to Pivot Happens, the plucky little podcast that could, with Ann Kingston and Von Dinmir.

SPEAKER_02 0:10

Episode 3, Pivot as a Verb, Part 2 with special guest Laura. At the end of part one of our last episode, Von Demir was about to tell us about a pivot she recently faced. It's it's it's hard because what is implicit in resilience is that something didn't go your way. Something didn't go the way you thought it was gonna, hope it was gonna were. I very recently uh went through a a little um it I I was prepared for this, very much prepared for this. So it was not, but I am trying to get an agent for my book, and I started writing my first query letters and I sent out my first one a while ago, and luckily Ann really encouraged me, and it was it, I mean, it it's very brilliant advice. It's like don't just have that one hanging out there for so many reasons. Number one, uh, my uh inspired action, once again, it's like if you're not sending out more query letters, you're not putting the energy toward it, that's not good. It's like not writing right now, that's not good. It's like keep that energy flowing, but also it's like if you've only got one and they say no, that's gonna hit a little harder. So I put out more query letters and stuff. But this week I got my uh first rejection, and um it was very much a form rejection, email form rejection. I mean, which is kind of I totally get it. I can't imagine what the life of an agent is like to constantly have people with all their wild book ideas coming at you, all degrees of good and bad, and having to sift through and see if something catches your your eye, what you think you can sell, because that's how you make your money. If that book isn't gonna sell, why would you want to try to market it? So, um, but I it would have been nice if she if she'd said, you know, um, I don't think this is a workable topic, or whatever, or I like the idea, but I don't do this kind of book. Um, some, but I totally get she has no obligation to provide me with anything. It's actually very um nice of her to have sent me an email and let me know, you know, I'm not in.

SPEAKER_03 2:20

So it's hard though, because now you're just gonna be in your mind. You're gonna be like you're kind of getting that, you're gonna be constantly thinking, well, was it the topic? What you know you're gonna be Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:30

And I one thing I think because when I put that query letter together, it came up with a big form I had to fill out, and I needed to do a synopsis of my book in there, and I probably put that together way too quickly. And so as I've thought about it, it's like I need to really that's my next thing I need, I think, with my query, is a better synopsis of the book. Because that's really, I mean, that is so important. And my book is kind of hard to um talk about in 500 words. A lot happens in my book, and and and some things too, when you try to talk about them in a quick condensed way, it sort of takes their their um power, not power, but their um their emphasis, whatever it is, it kind of it's it's hard.

SPEAKER_03 3:17

It's like, you know, it's you wouldn't know if she read it or just read the synopsis, right?

SPEAKER_02 3:22

You don't even know how to do it, and you don't know which part it was that caught it, or who knows? Maybe, you know, again, that's why it would be nice to get some kind of feedback on it, but it's also okay because uh I aimed really high. I did not, you know, I went for a big time firm in New York, a younger person, younger reader, and I don't know, those could have been the things why we didn't click, but anyway, whatever it is. Number one, I was very prepared for this, and I've said all along I'm I'm happy and pleased when someone says no, because that means you weren't the right agent for my book. And I don't want somebody who isn't the right person who doesn't believe in it a million percent working on it. So that's good. Thank you. Thank you for doing that for me. Um, but rejection is not ever fun, no matter how prepared you say you are or whatever. There there was a little bit of a ding, and it just so happened the day I found out I went to therapy, and I told her kind of at the end, my my therapist, because we had other stuff we were kind of more focused on, and I said, Um, there was a time in my life I probably would have gone and bought a pint of Jenny's ice cream. I said, but that doesn't really sound that good. And she's like, Well, is there something you could do for, you know, that little girl inside you to, you know, kind of and I I said, Yeah, I might walk down the the street and see if there's a little shop, but instead what I did is I went to Trader Joe's, which is certainly, you know, always a happy place. And I I let myself buy whatever I wanted from, you know, the the fun aisles there, you know, candles and whatever I wanted. Things I might normally be like, oh, you really like, yeah, I want it. I want that. So, um, so that was fine. And really, I mean, I didn't um I some thoughts split it in and out, you know, about oh, maybe it's not good. And then, you know, just getting to talk to people who are supportive and supportive of me. It's like, yeah, yeah, I just gotta keep going, and and it's it's it's fine. But um, I dare say that a different me at a different time would have been like, okay, fuck it, forget it. I'm not gonna do this book. It's dumb, it's dumb. I knew it was dumb, I knew it's dumb. See, see, see, world is telling me. So I have certainly upped my resilience skills a lot, and I've certainly been, like I said, working on that for like the last five months. That's been a real focus of mine and with my EFT and other things like that. But um I think part of the, I see if you guys agree, part of the secret sauce of pivoting is amping up your resilience, amping up your your resilience and acceptance of of what is in comparison to what you want. And it because I've said before, and I I'm sort of twisting this into this, it's like I look back at some things and I'm like, thank you so much for not letting me get what I thought I wanted. Yeah, yeah, that's that's a good one. That's a really good one. Yes, because man, there are things in my life, and I I know you guys know many of the things that I've told you about where it's like, if that again, I wouldn't be sitting right here. Yeah, something I thought I so desperately wanted. I thought, and I look back now and I think, oh my god, if that had happened, number one, uh I would have been moving right on from that. You know, I would have been like unsatisfying completely. So I think that these are important things when you're trying to navigate conscious pivoting. I'm gonna call it conscious pivoting. I kind of like that because that's like that's what we're talking about. There's the pivots that happen, the universal pivots. We'll call those there's universal pivots, which are like the stuff we have no control over, and we figure out we we the control we have is how we deal with them. Then there's the conscious pivots where we're like, I'm doing this, I don't know that I always want to do this. I think that maybe I want to try this, or I want to go this way, whatever. The conscious. So yeah, I kind of I think that's a good way to distinguish.

SPEAKER_03 7:33

And I think that's important in this one is that whole thing about like being mindful of the of the future and preparing for it. Like, know that we are we there, there's no way there's we we know we all gonna have multiple pivots. Yeah, like everybody, everybody, everybody, but including us, are gonna have we know there's gonna be, and then yeah, preparing for it, knowing that it's gonna happen. Number one, like you know when it the I swear when you're younger, it's unbelievable though that things happen and you just get so you're just like, Oh, this is I just can't believe this happened, and that this happens to nobody else, and um I did my everything's so unfair, life is so unfair. Um, I just can't. So I think that now that we can do this, that we're building this resilience and stuff, we can look to the future and know that these pivots are gonna happen and they're not gonna always be the conscious ones. They're gonna be some of the universe ones that are gonna be difficult. Um, but I think if we mind you're mindful of that, it it really, really helps. I think I just think that that kind of thing really helps. And the whole thing about the resiliency, you know, seeking support, doing like even the daily routines of stuff. People that have these I find people that are like kind of unsatisfied or just have it trouble with stuff, they're just not they they don't realize if they could just somehow calm themselves down and do like some kind of scheduling and those routines. I mean, I know it sounds kind of infantile because they say about children thrive on routine, but why would it be that just too thrive on yeah, exactly? I mean, you know, that was like as a parent, that was like the number one thing. Bedtime is at this time, we eat at this time. That you know, this is what you know, but then what and then that's sort of it's like okay, eat whenever, or we eat now. It's like, but I do think that if you can have that structure, I think that's a resilient something that should be in a toolkit too, is having that because you can rely on it, the structure is comfortable, you know, on a daily basis this or that's gonna happen. I just and and for me, that's been really helpful as like an adult. Um I mean, I mean, I was just like, eh, do whatever. I you know, change, always changing, and uh that's a good thing. Like, I'm glad that I lived through what I lived through because I had so much change growing up. Um, that I always thought I always looked at it kind of a positive thing. I was like, well, okay, here we go. First day at lunch. I mean, at a new school, first day at lunch, this is the worst thing, one of the worst things that you can go through. And I had to go through it over and over and over. Like I literally went to like 11 different schools. Oh wow. I mean, like almost every year. That's almost like every year. I mean, it was you know, and so it's you know, thank goodness I had stuff that uh helped, but it made it so it was like, man, well, all right, so now I'm walking into a boardroom with like whoever might be in the room, and you know, it's like, well, that's not so bad. I mean, you know, I've had worse.

SPEAKER_02 10:38

Kudos to you to be able to, I mean, that's I think that's the goal right there, is to be like instead of being like, oh, it was so hard. It was so and I'm not taken away because I know, I know my mom went to like six different elementary schools, and so I mean, it it can it can go a couple of ways. It can be like you can then be feel like an antisocial victim for your whole life, you can do personality disorder, you can do all kinds of things with it, or you can be like, well, you know what I learned? I learned I'm strong enough to walk in and set my place here, and and maybe it's not as scary. Maybe you do it enough and it's not as scary. And what an awesome thing to come out because confidence is even fake confidence, even faking your confidence will get you so far in life. I do it all the time. Yeah, and it it's like it's like oh who starts podcasts? Who just goes says to their work bestie? Hey, let's start a podcast. Okay, you know, it's like because that's how I am. It's like, well, we'll just try it. We'll just what what's the worst that could happen? You know what I mean? We record some podcasts and we decide, you know, it's like, but it'll be fun while we're trying, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 11:54

And then if you never try, you don't know. Like if you never like no, I think Ian, you mentioned that the about the fear, like you gotta like you've gotta get out of that fear and that otherwise you're not, you know.

SPEAKER_02 12:06

Yeah, you do know, you do know if you don't do it, then you know a hundred percent it isn't gonna happen. So if that's where you want to live, in the place of I want to be sure, so I don't try anything. That way I never risk. It's like um, yeah, what was that you were um we're talking about, and also too, I want to kind of double back here because we were also talking about and you were talking about wanting to um encourage and foster resilience in like your kids. Oh yeah. And that's you know, yeah, an important skill that is.

SPEAKER_05 12:44

I think that um I think that um especially as I'm about to put a put my oldest out into the world, he'll be 18 next year, it's really hitting home. Um, because there's just gonna be just just by default, he's going to technically be an adult in this society. He will be able to make decisions without my consent. You know what I mean? And it's not that I need the control, it's just did I did I set himself up for and this is gonna sound negative, but I do mean this. Did I set himself up for failure? Did I set himself up to be able to handle rejection, failure, you know, negative, you know, did I did I set himself up to handle the the the really bad situations of, you know, people offering him, you know, some bad things, like, you know, not just alcohol and drugs, like, you know, like did I set him up for for that kind of resilience, the confidence to say what he wants versus you know what he feel what he feels like he has to do. So yeah, no, it's it's it's a probably a whole podcast all to its own. But yeah.

SPEAKER_02 13:54

Yeah, it it's um, I think it's a it's a really important skill that we don't emphasize a lot. You know what I mean? It it I don't know that it gets the kind of emphasis it it deserves because and again that's I think it comes out of that thing of pushing people to be like, you have to know what you're gonna do, you have to pick a career, you have to have a solid career, you have to do this, instead of saying you get one life, and spending it miserable is really a sad option. And I mean, and I know there's there's so much more that goes into this, and I'm very much aware I'm oversimplifying something, but how much could we help people if they could up their resilience quotient? You know what I mean? Like their ability to pivot, their ability to be like, well, that didn't go how I thought it was going to, and instead of thinking, well, I'm gonna give up, thinking, maybe that wasn't the right path, or maybe this path could be just as awesome, you know what I mean? Or or better, you know. There's I I love the show Brooklyn 99, and I think most people who know me know that because I clearly um quote from it and talk about it a lot. There's a character on there, Gina, who's not my favorite character by any means. Anyone who watches it, I don't want you thinking I'm like pro-Gina. Gina, I was on the Gina hater squad. Anyway, uh that but Gina is like, I I call her as like the sitcom trope of like she's almost a sociopath. And it's like it's funny for a short time, but then it's like sociopaths aren't really that funny to me. She does terrible things all the time. But there is one where she says, she's talking to someone and she says something like, Um, do you know how often I don't get what I want? And they're like, No, and then she's like, never, because whatever I get, that's what I decide I want. That's what I wanted. And there's some, there is some wisdom in that, some genu wisdom in that. Because it's like, instead of being like, Oh, I didn't get that, it's like, no, that is what I wanted, because I'm gonna do this with it. And I again, I know these are very broad strokes. I I don't know, I know, I know what it is. It's trauma response, trauma response, where I have to try to explain everything and make everybody okay with what I'm saying, because God forbid I would have an opinion. No, it's true though. I mean, I and I guess I could, you know, raise my hand and say, always take everything I say with a a grain of salt or sugar, whatever you need. That it's like I I I'm never oversimplifying everything. I went through a very hard journey. I know what it's like, and I know how it feels when you're in the bottom of a hard journey hearing somebody say something like that. And yeah, there's a real strong urge to lash out and be like, fuck you. Because no, you're wrong. It's not okay. I get that, I'm acknowledging that, but overall, on the other side of it, I do really believe that mindset is really important, and it's it's like it's like wanting to have a great physique and a great body, but not wanting to exercise. It's like, well, yeah, you can go get some iffy plastic surgery, you can get fake apps. Did you guys ever see there was a live concert thing, I can't remember, but the Who was on it? And Roger Daltrey's like, who knows how old at this time, probably 70 years old. And I don't know, uh you know, Roger, again, here I'm qualifying again. Like Roger Daltrey is going to watch this and get mad at me. Uh, so anyway, if Roger Daltrey's walking, watching, I have to tell you, those abs looked real fake, buddy. They did not look real. They look like you've had some kind of plastic ab surgery. Anyway, yeah, you could do that if if you've got that kind of resources, but guess what? You don't have good abs. You have fake abs that look like abs, and that's not real. So to me, this is like saying, I want to feel better, but I just want to feel better. That doesn't happen in life. You have to exercise. If you want to get in good shape, you have to exercise. You have to, you know, live a healthy lifestyle, whatever. You can't just sit here and go, I want I want to have, you know, uh someone from the WNBA's physique. I want to look like that tomorrow. I want to be six feet tall and and live and muscular. It's like, no, what I can do is exercise and try to get my body to the best it can be. I'm never gonna be six feet tall. I'm gonna never even be five and a half feet tall. But I can do my best, make my body feel better, work better, whatever. I can do the same with my mind. I I believe that for me personally. That's a thing. So that's I guess what I'm kind of you know, get at with that. It's like it is it's like a muscle. It really is. It it's it's like emotional fitness. That's what it really is. And and you can't just expect an easy fix. So anyway, how did I get on that little tirade? It's good though.

SPEAKER_03 19:04

No, it's good. I like that, I like the example of the physical and the mind because I do think that people, thank goodness. I think that I know with my daughter and that her generation, that they talk about mental health now. We never, never, never, no, and you talk about like resiliency teaching your kids. Forget about it. Like I my parents never were like, oh, let's sit down and let's talk about like no.

SPEAKER_02 19:30

Let's talk about your feelings. Like, no, yeah, yeah, kids today are very aware of their feelings. Yeah, they are, and that's not a bad thing, you know what I mean? It was like I I always the John Mullaney line of I grew up before kids were special. It's like I think we all know that. Gen X knows that feeling. It's like he talks about the milk carton kids. He's like, that came out a little after me. It's like, yep, we gotta start looking for these kids. Yeah, no, I do think that that I do think kids today are much more in touch with with mental health. And that's a good thing. I mean, that's a good thing.

SPEAKER_03 20:07

So I'm glad we've shifted, and then so if we could just get like a a balance now, you know, now it's I think we've gone kind of, you know. So I think if we can, and I'm just glad that we're talking about it, it doesn't have the stigma that it used to have. You don't feel like if you say, Yeah, I I went through a depressive time. Like it was literally a depressive, it wasn't when I was like in a bad mood or some kind of like if it's long term, and you know, like you know that if you've been through something that is that and you don't, you know, people aren't are okay about it now. You mention it now, and people aren't like, oh, you're gonna talk about you were depressed at one time, or or or or you're on any kind of medication or anything, you're you're always like tried to hide it and nobody wanted it, you know, and it's just not that way anymore.

SPEAKER_02 20:53

No, and and even like in workplaces, it's much more, you know, like work. It is very acknowledged, mental health, and and again, I think we have uh gen or not gen X, uh the millennials to thank for a lot of this because they were kind of that generation that stood up and said, you know what? I don't think it's okay to ask me to work 80 hours a week for real low pay because I'm low person on the the ladder here. And um, I'll just find something more interesting to do, you know. I mean, I I love that generation. I always say they're the ones who are like, you know, you can go live in Bali for like a thousand dollars for a month. You could just go and be in Bali for a month. And I think back to like when I was like their age, and it would have been like, who does that? Who goes and lives in Bali for a month?

SPEAKER_05 21:40

You know, it's like, but they're like that, and I love that because I think that that generation really I credit all of this to that generation the not accepting the status quo, you know, even going as far as being an indie author, not accepting the status quo, building it, creating something different. Creating a new avenue. Like yes. Like you know what I mean? Not letting the walls define you. Yeah, I love it. Love it.

SPEAKER_02 22:08

I I know they had a lot of uh interesting things like the internet. I mean, that sort of they really didn't know a world without that kind of connection, which makes things like finding out I can live in Bali for a month for a thousand dollars. Okay, yeah. I don't know where I would have gotten that information when I was 21. But it probably wouldn't have been a trustworthy source. No, I mean that it it's yeah, and it's still, I think, um I I sometimes see while there there is more of an acceptance of mental health issues and stuff, I still see a bit of a lack of resilience there. I think that sometimes they allow that to become their identity. You know what I mean? That that they start living from a place of broken, and I that makes me kind of sad. Like I I was on the train and listening to a group of young women talk, and it it was like listening to my mom's table at her senior living place talking about both sides talking about their illnesses and their doctors, and I had this and I had that, and really this kind of over-identification with you know things going on with them, and it's like, well, I think it's good. I also don't, I I personally just don't think if you allow that to become your identity of like I'm this way because of this and I'm this way because of that. It's like, well, a little, you know, again, you don't have to stay in those places, you don't have to, you know. I it's I think maybe it's better than like I know when I've been in those places and trying to hide it from the world, that's not good either. But it's also like, I don't know if that's a place to stay. I don't know if that's a place you want to park. Good good insight, yeah. I don't know. And again, everybody can do what they want. Yeah, trauma response. Trauma response. Um I just I it's it's I'm always afraid somebody's gonna come back and be like, Well, you said you could do this, and I can't. It's like, yeah, you know what, I okay. Stay miserable, stay miserable.

unknown 24:13

I don't care.

SPEAKER_02 24:15

If miserable is what works for you, stay miserable. Yeah, I'm just trying to save you because I think we all anybody who's in a trying to do what we're trying to do here has either firsthand experienced these kinds of issues and things and whatever it was, or they've lost someone and uh or both. Hey, sometimes it's both. Um and trying to kind of avoid that paradigm. I think that's why I what draws me to this is how close I came to just you know checking out of all of this, and the people I've lost who obviously it it was a perfect shitstorm of just no resilience, of no ability to see anything beyond that moment they're in. And and when it happens multiple times, it's like it gets really scary because it's like you find yourself like for a while there at different points in my life. I was saying to people I knew, I'm like, if you ever feel bad, if anything is ever wrong, you know you can talk to me, right? You know you can talk to me, right? You know I'm here, you know I'm here, even though the other part of me knows it's like you can say that all you want. That doesn't mean that's gonna work. And you also as much as I want to save people, you really can't. I really have had to come to that harsh, harsh conclusion. People are gonna do what they're gonna do. But I also think, and I look back in my dark times when there was stuff like this that I listened to or read or whatever, and it was the thing that got me through one thing and got me through something, and got me at least out of the super low place to a place where I could hear other things. Because it it when you're in those super low places, you it's like you're deafened to uh anything better, everything. So I don't know. I guess that's kind of what draws me to doing this kind of stuff, drew me to write my book. It really is. It's like this idea of you know, can I be that little spark of hope for somebody? I'd love that, you know what I mean? It's like and so I hope. But I guess that's what brings us here. Brings us to the spot. Um so yeah, um pivoting and resilience, it's it is a verb, it is very much an action item that we have to do. We can't I I really I I um I I love it when like these sort of moments happen. I I felt like they were a couple of let's recap a couple of good moments from this podcast um that I felt like I Epiphanies I just sort of had uh uh as they were recorded, um that idea of it being like taking care of your body, that really this kind of stuff that it's you can't just expect to get from you know change to happen. It it's like you have to do the work, you have to do the the exercise, you have to exercise these things to make it happen. And I think that is really important, and that's part of inspired action and all of that. You just can't. I um you were talking about scheduling, and I have a planner book that I really love, and it's just for this kind of stuff. And every day I have meditation written in there, and I have yoga and the different things I want to do. It's never, it's not a a hard set plan. If it doesn't happen, I don't check it off and I might move it to another day. Um, so I'm very, you know, kind to myself with this. It's not that kind of schedule, you know, or goals. It's not like that. It's like, but I track it and I track what I do and I track the different things that happen and my all my little stuff I do, you know, and um and I really like that because it is sort of like that. It's like what somebody would do if they were trying to improve their fitness goals. You know, they'd be writing down, I did a hundred reps of this thing today, and or I drank this much creatine, or I don't know what I've never been that into fitness. So somebody will have to tell me what that looks like. Um and the other thing, what was the other uh little epiphany? Well, the conscious um pivot versus the universal pivot. That's why we need you here. Um, because my brain is like a sieve about 90% of the time. Yes, that conscious versus universal pivots. I think we have um you know when we write the book about this, that's what we'll divide it into conscious and universal pivot. No, I do like that. I do kind of like having a little shorthand and uh a way to identify what we're talking about because we've been sort of in a uh around it, we keep saying the pivots that you want to happen, the pivots that happen to you and stuff, but it's like that really kind of I think. So I thought that was good. Um do you guys have anything? Anything else you'd like to to talk about with the movement of pivot or um your pivots?

SPEAKER_05 29:28

The only other thing that just keeps coming back into my brain as we talk, you know, and I don't know how you're gonna edit this in, but I'll probably just let it go like this because my mom, my mom always says, when you're in a situation and we're gonna have my mom on, by the way, Laura. Oh fun! Yay! If you want to be in it. Awesome. If you want to be on that podcast too. Um Memorial Day weekend.

SPEAKER_01 29:56

Um so my mom always does Rita Homer. Homework. Yeah, she's Rita Home Rich. Home rich. Come on. Do you know, Laura?

SPEAKER_02 30:03

I don't know if you know that my sister's married name is the same as Jen's mom's married name. No way!

SPEAKER_05 30:09

And definitely home rich. It's Michigan Home Riches, yes.

SPEAKER_02 30:12

Yeah, Michigan Home Richards. Well, I'm sure they're I'm sure that her former husband and my sister's husband are somewhere related because oh my god, love it. That's so neat! Yeah, yeah. So yeah. Special guests with special guests, Rita Homer.

SPEAKER_05 30:26

So she's always been this one that um, you know, when you feel like you're in a corner, you feel like you don't have choices, she always does this. She, you know, it at any given point in my life. What are five, what are some, you know, give me five choices right off the bat. What can you do in this moment? And that's I think a good way to also pivot or or also build your resilience. Because if I were to take it, like for example, we're in a proposal and things are really crappy, and you know, uh, we only have so many days to get uh two weeks worth of work done. What are five things? What are five decisions you can make in this moment? And I try really hard to also employ that. I do that at work a lot. I do, but it's like you can use that in life, you know. I'm at a flat, I have a flat tire, I'm on the side of a highway. What do I do? Oh my god, am I gonna die? You know? What are five things I can do right now? Five things. Give me options. I could I could sit here and cry. That's one. You know what I mean? I could try to change my tire, that's two. I could call someone, three, you know what I mean? You're giving yourself you're giving yourself ways to find a way out of it and and doing it in a way that you can own it too, you know. Yeah, but that also means you're asking for help. It goes back, we're going back circle, circle back into it. You know, you are asking for help for some of this stuff. So yeah, but yeah, um, that's always Mama Rita's advice to Mama Rita.

SPEAKER_03 31:51

Yeah, because you can do that for anything. If it's something you're not quite reaching a goal of, if it's whatever, whether it's you know, work-wise, physical-wise, you know, health-wise, eating-wise, um, personal relationship-wise.

SPEAKER_05 32:03

Like I didn't get accepted into the college I wanted. What do I do? I've five choices, you know. Yeah, yeah. I didn't get the job that I wanted. I got I got laid off. What are my five choices?

SPEAKER_02 32:13

You know, it's inspired action. Again, it's inspired action. You and you may not do any of them, you may do all of them, whatever, but it's like it's that movement. I just it's movement is so important. Action and movement, because again, sitting in one place and going, I wish it were different. Easy to get depressed.

SPEAKER_05 32:37

They are um I remember, I remember when my stepfather died. I remember when he died. I remember being so alone and feeling like because I was 24, 24, 25 when he died. And and the part that was hard was like, you know, being 24, 25, you didn't find very many people your age who had a major death that was that, you know, no, but no one understood. No one understood what I was going through. Um, and so I remember very clearly making a choice at that point in my life of okay, what are you going to do about this? Are you gonna just go back to college, cry every day, and gain another 50 pounds? Right. And I remember very clearly, you know, leaving everything, you know, funerals, coming back, going back to college. And I remember the very first day I got back, it was like, you're not going to do that. And I remember I picked myself up and I went to the university workout, you know, whatever. I can't remember what it was, Laura, but and I remember I went there and I was terrified and I didn't know what the fuck I was doing. And you know, there were all these like little girly boppers all around, you know, and I just I waited in line for a for a machine and I and I got on and I and I did that every single day because it just like when you're walking.

SPEAKER_02 33:58

It's yeah, it's it's yeah, and I I have to think your stepfather would have been very proud of you because that he wouldn't have wanted you to go back and wallow and have school be terrible and and live in that place, and I know that's really easy to say, not when you're you know I I can kind of relate because of um going through my divorce and going to the gym, how that was kind of like I I love that song, the Taylor Swift song, The Down Bad, when she says um down bad crying at the gym, because it's like, oh my god, she gets us, she gets our feelings, and but it's true, it's like those kinds of things, even though it's still hard, even though it's still like it, but it's like you're you're moving forward at least. You're out of that, you're and I mean with true physical action, like the walking, working out, and things like that, you cannot undersell the endorphins that that helps produce, which also helps you then not be as tied into those bleak places.

SPEAKER_05 35:02

And I should caveat, I never did that before in my life. I never walked into a gym and was a gym girl. No, yeah, no, I'd never that was something I had wanted to do. Especially there, wow. I mean, especially there. That's even more college.

SPEAKER_02 35:18

I remember going to the college gym. I took a weight training class, like my senior year, my roommate and I did this, and it was taught by the football coach. You can imagine how much fun. I'm amazed I ever went to another gym. But back then, back when I mean, I'm talking about in the olden days here, um, there weren't Planet Fitness and La Fitness everywhere. It was like going to a gym was like that. Like, I'm in here with all the football players. There were aerobics because aerobics were really big then, you know, and you could in a small gym somewhere there was somebody teaching an aerobics class you could go to, and that was mainly women.

SPEAKER_05 35:51

But again, if we're gonna go full circle. Oh, sorry, Ann, you finished. No, no, no, no. But if we're gonna go full circle back to, you know, we I think each of us can identify with we all chose to take action for whatever reason or another, but I think there's something in the moment where it's like you are you're you're on the edge of being depressed where you don't take action, yeah, but you decide to take action. But when you at take action, there is something very liberating, and I don't give a fuck what people think of me right now. I don't give a fuck. If I'm crying, working out, if I'm sitting here, like I don't give a fuck. I'm here. Like, y'all can do what you want. Like, yes, I'm just gonna keep going. Yeah, showing up, yeah. Crying. Because you're you're past that point of like you you know what I mean? You're you're on that edge, and then you once you get a little further away from that edge, you start to go, okay, I'm seeing things a little differently now. You do start to care, but at the same time, you care, but you don't really care because you're past the point of feeling insecure about it. You're feeling confident in yeah, yeah, that's it.

SPEAKER_02 36:57

Well, and or you're just all of your fucks have been given. You're just at a point where it's like, this is probably as I I mean, divorce is a really divorce, grief, death, all of that stuff is really, really hard, but it kind of strips you of like the artifice of society and all that because it's like, what matters? You can really be in that sort of place, which is can be very liberating too. That's a great crying too. None of this matters.

SPEAKER_05 37:23

None of it matters, none of it matters if you think of me, if I'm in Guru the best workout. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.

SPEAKER_02 37:28

No, no, it's like I don't I don't have it to give anymore. I think too crying and and release of emotions. I remember when I was doing my trauma, um, I I trained as a trauma recovery coach, and one of the I can't remember whose book it was now, but he really encouraged, like, if you can just get your if you're feeling bad and you can get yourself to cry, man, crying is like, and you don't have to cry for long or whatever. If you can, it is such a it can be a and and as someone who had spent it was a little scary for me because there were points in my life where I couldn't stop crying, where I was in such a low place, and that's awful. That's a terrible, terrible feeling. This is different than that. This is just like a release of emotion, and how much that can help too. It's it's kind of amazing.

SPEAKER_03 38:15

Like even if you just well up some something, like sometimes something will hit me and well up tears, and it's like after it's like I feel like that's why I said I feel like Anne's five things from her mom is more should be four because one's always gonna be cry. Yes, exactly. Cry.

SPEAKER_02 38:33

Okay, now that's done. So now what else can I do? No, that's and we're I think we it it there are people who are very afraid of crying and very afraid of, you know, whatever it is. My mom will always say, never cry. And it's like, that's not really anything you should be, you know. I don't know if you think that's good or what, but it's like I think they think they're out of control.

SPEAKER_03 38:56

I think I think they think like that's like you're really if that's going on, there's something really there. Yeah. You're you're almost out of control, but it's your body's way of being like that that's trying to deal with this.

SPEAKER_02 39:09

And and this is, I guess I would say I'm talking about like a controlled crying where I'm not so sad, I can't stop crying. I want to cry because I've got this feeling. I've got sometimes like you have sort of this, and I love um one of my tapping things is doing tapping for when you're not sure what's wrong. Because sometimes it is like that. And that's that is a very confusing place to be. It's like, I don't know why I feel this way, but I don't like it, but I can't put my finger on it. So I mean, I think with things like that, when it's like there's like this sort of like an ache or a hurt in your heart. If you can cry, a lot of times it really lessens that because it's like I think a lot of things are just kind of trapped emotions in our body. Our body, our bodies tell us so much about what's going on in our heads. And and the book that changed my life was The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Vanderkoek. I mean, that was like when I read that, my entire world shifted because that was the first time I went from thinking there is something really messed up with my brain, I'm broken, I'm diseased even, to realizing, oh my god, I am a trauma survivor, and this shit is in my body, and there's nothing wrong with my brain except that it's learned to be programmed in certain ways because of the trauma. And it was like, you know, that was the book that changed it all for me. But but the big point in that is your brain can tell you all kinds of stories. Your body doesn't lie, your body will tell the truth. So if it's feeling things, and I mean, there's all kinds of people that take this all kinds of places, and however you want to take it, that's fine. But it's like I really believe that the cause of so much physical illness is unhealed emotional trauma, and it's just finding a way out, and and that it's you know, I'm not gonna qualify that. I'm not gonna do it again. I'm not gonna qualify whether you agree, anybody agrees or not. It's like that's what I believe. I do believe because I have had things in my body heal when I healed emotionally, so I know it's a thing, and and it's not like there isn't a ginormous body of research out there that proves exactly what I'm saying. I mean, this is I I didn't just come up with this in my head. This is this is out there, it's it's real. But so yeah, it it's it's getting in touch with all of that, it's getting in touch with how we're really feeling, and and and giving it a voice and giving it credence and and the weight it deserves, instead of just being like, I'll power through this, or I'll distract myself with something, because God knows there's a bazillion things you can distract yourself away from, what's really going on. Our our world is really set up for it. I mean, we have these tiny computers we carry everywhere we go that can distract us for the rest of our lives. Yeah, you don't need a bottle, you don't need pills, you can just take that thing because that's just as intrusive and distracting. Don't get me started about cell phones. You nobody wants me to go down that path now. Oh my god, that's funny. I get all I I in my book there it's kind of funny because the main character espouses some of my views about cell phones. Oh yeah. So anyway, um well, I think that we have done a pretty good job here of talking about um pivoting as a verb and resilience as as its modifier. I don't know. Resilience is its outcome, I guess. Root, resilience is its root. Um and uh this again, this is the Pivot Happens podcast, the plucky little podcast that could. And we do have a website, pivothappens.com, and we have a form on there if you are interested in coming here to tell the story. If you have a your story, um, if you have a topic you think would be kind of cool, please feel free to reach out. Um, we do these podcasts both on YouTube for video, and then wherever you get your podcast, you can get the audio version for like when you're driving in your car, because it shouldn't be watching YouTube while you're driving your car. You should just listen to us. Yeah. And if it gets too exciting for you, pull over to the side of the road and just listen. Don't drive and be distracted by how insanely awesome the podcast is and how your mind was just blown. Safe driving with the podcast. Uh yeah, so um we'll see you again when we get another episode going, and we will have Laura back. I am a hundred percent sure of that. And um Oh, thank you so much for being here. I it's so fun to to hear other voices and other ideas about this. And you have such great insights. I mean, I just it's wonderful. And and Memorial Day, we're going to be recording. I don't know when it'll be released. It won't be released on Memorial Day. Um Rita. Inemitable Rita Homerick. It's so weird for me to say that because my sister says home rich. So that's she says home rich. Your mom does? Yeah. Home rich. Okay, so Joni says home rich, because we're from Michigan. Hom rich. Oh yeah. Um but home ri Home Rich. Okay, not home rich. Some people say home rick. It's one of those crazy names. I mean, it's like Joni's like Hom Rich, you know.

SPEAKER_05 44:44

And it's really funny how many variations you get of that name. Like some in the mail. Yeah, anyway, we decided.

SPEAKER_02 44:49

Oh, I'm sure from the the the old country it was Homer or something like that. But I do think it's a vein of Michigan immigrant home Homer, whatever they were from Germany. Yeah. Um interesting. So anyway, Rita will be here. Rita is a she's a a life coach therapist. How do you describe what your mom does?

SPEAKER_05 45:15

She's currently in the in the in the she's currently a life coach. Um technically, she never did get a degree to be a therapist. However, she did, she was in a master's program that she just didn't finish.

SPEAKER_04 45:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 45:30

Um, again, I feel like she could probably answer that question, but if I were to it, I don't think it felt like it served her at one point in time. Um but for the majority of her career, she was an instructor of a um, oh, I don't even know what you call it, like a uh like a personal motivation course, but it wasn't it was way more than personal motivation. It was like it was like therapy on steroids, and you did it over a weekend to really, really like truly get in touch with some of some core issues. Now, it was not a replacement for therapy, it was a supplement to therapy, but um, but that's what she did for years. She was yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 46:13

So that's gonna be, I think, very interesting. Plus, as you mentioned, she has a a lot of pivot stories from her own life and how she's gotten to where she is now. So that's what I mean, that's what I think is gonna be really cool, is to hear that. And so, and we have another uh friend of ours who we're hoping is gonna be on here soon, and we'll have an episode coming out with my sister on it. Um, that'll that one is done, and we just have to get it produced. So um, it's really fun, and I really, really love having people on here. I love when we do just the two of us too. Those are fun too, and everything. There's nothing wrong with that, but it is fun to have other people and get some other viewpoints. So, again, if anybody out there is interested, please reach out. We would love to hear your story.

SPEAKER_00 47:06

Seriously, we are 100% non-qualified unprofessional armchair psychologists. The Pivot Happens podcast is for entertainment purposes only and is not a substitute for any form of professional mental or physical health care. If you are experiencing any mental health issues, please reach out and find qualified help. If you do not currently have a support system in place, the NAMI helpline provides the one-on-one help and information necessary to tackle tough challenges that you, your family or friends are facing. Call, text or email with the helpline MF, 10 a.m. to 10 p.m. Eastern Time. 988 Crisis Service available 24 7. Call 1-800-9506-264. Text text namey to 62640 in a crisis? Call or text 988.