Burnout Isn’t Failure: God’s Invitation to Rest and Renewal

In this episode of the Men’s Divorce Recovery Podcast, we talk with Keith Cole—a Marine Corps combat veteran and author of Burnout: God’s Recovery Plan—about why burnout after divorce isn’t failure, but often the result of carrying too much for too long while trying to do everything right. We break down how the “just push through” mindset can quietly lead to emotional, physical, and spiritual exhaustion, why burnout is not a lack of faith, and how it can actually be an invitation from God to slow down, surrender control, and begin real recovery. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, numb, or worn out, this episode will help you understand what’s happening and give you practical steps to reconnect with God, regain your strength, and start rebuilding with purpose. 

Bible Verse Inspiration: Matthew 11:28 —  “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” 

Resources:  www.RecoveryByFaith.com 

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:14

Welcome to the Middle Divorce Recovery Podcast, guys, where we help men survive and thrive beyond divorce. We help guys rebuild your life with strength, wisdom, and faith in Christ. And today's episode is for the man who is tired. If you're just a tired old soul or just a tired young soul, well, then this one is for you. Um, I've been there, you know, several times in my long career, and uh this one's gonna help you out. So maybe uh I mean I really think, guys, as we think about divorce, the the weight of divorce, you can already have a really busy life, busy career. Things aren't always going well. You can do be doing things that add weight to your life, like porn and alcohol and all those sorts of things. But then when you add on the weight of divorce, uh is it's hard to hold things together. Um, and this is a time when you really do have to show up and um and just do what you have to do. Um, it's hard to show up for your kids, your work, uh, when you feel like you're just surviving. But inside, you're really uh exhausted. I've been there before, and that question, you know, I've asked myself, Keith, is something wrong with me? Um, you know, I've asked that what's going on with me because the American dream, right? The American expectation is to do it all, no matter what. So we do have with us a special guest, Keith Cole. Um, he believes that burnout is not failure, and it actually is an invitation to a new life. Uh, Keith is the author of the book Burnout, God's Recovery Plan. He's a passionate father of Christ, a US Marine Corps combat veteran, and a CPA. So those are two very different things combat veteran and CPA. They are from one extreme to the other. And uh your combat experience is quite amazing and traumatic. And I'm sorry you had to go through that, Keith. Man, that's quite, I don't think any of us who have not been in combat really can understand that. Um, but you've taken your wisdom and and what you learned to uh your own life story and are sharing that with us now. And so you are Vietnam combat veterans, so you're a little older than the rest of us. And I think it'd behoove young men to listen to older men who have been down the road a little bit, like uh uh who was it? Um gosh, one of our Will Rogers said that a few men learn by reading a book, a few learn by others' experiences, but most men learn by peeing on the electric fence. So um, if you have peeed on the electric fence, Keith, you're the man for us. So uh I'm gonna turn this over to Chris Espinoza. He's our fearless partner here, and let you take it from here, Chris.

SPEAKER_00 2:41

Thanks, Dale. I'm really excited about this episode, Keith. And I second what Dale says. As somebody who has, um, my dad is a retired CPA, um, but an international partner with Pricewaterhouse Coopers. And I got to tell you, he is the farthest thing away from a Marine that I can possibly think of. So yes, those two things often do not go together. But I think that your topic is so critical because as you're going through divorce, I remember my tank just being on empty. And at a certain point, you do reach that stage of burnout, and it is very, very different than some of the other emotions. So I'm excited to get into some of the strategies that you have because when we're going through divorce, we feel like we're treading water. So, how do we survive that, men? So, Keith, um, when you talk about burnout, what exactly do you mean? And how is it different than just being tired or stressed?

SPEAKER_01 3:35

Well, Chris, uh, the way it was, the way it was for me, I mean, I um as a uh CPA, I was uh I worked uh tremendous number of hours, especially during tax season, sometimes overnight. Uh in the in the Marine Corps in a in a fighting hole in Vietnam. Uh that was a bit stressful. The uh uh especially when you know artillery started coming in. And then after that, I I spent uh several months in the hospital when I was medevac in Vietnam. And then I went went to duty next to notify next to kins that their marine had been killed or wounded in action. All tremendous uh shots, you know, uh a tremendous impact uh on me from those things. Uh and I I think that there's the burnout wasn't something that just all of a sudden happened because of one of those things, but they were building up inside me uh without release. I was a Marine. I who would I say I'm I have burnout, doing it wouldn't make sense, right? So uh but within within myself it was uh feeling lost, um self-degrading in a lot of ways, um because I wasn't I'm showing on the outside I'm uh what a what a tough guy I am, but on the inside everything is total turmoil, and uh so it's low self-esteem in in parts, uh certainly a sense of loneliness. Uh relationships took a hit and uh very short-tempered person, a very short temper. Um so that's I mean, you can get stressed and and and and not not be in total turmoil at the same time. I mean, you can have stress, and stress some stress is probably useful.

SPEAKER_00 6:05

That makes a lot of sense. So, what does it feel like? What does burnout feel like spiritually?

SPEAKER_03 6:10

Were were you a Christian when you were a Marine, Keith? Or how'd you come to Christ? You know, kind of set that question up for uh your own journey.

SPEAKER_01 6:19

My dad was a railroader and a very uh strong man, and uh bigger than me, stronger than me. And when I was a senior in high school, he died. There was no way, there was no that way that could have been his fault. And I had growing up as a kid, I was going to become a Methodist minister, and I would I would preach to my imaginary congregation sitting on the stairway, and that's I'd play church. And but when my my dad died when I was a senior, it was my reaction to that. I went into a total sense of rebellion. Uh I uh totally rejected God, blamed God for everything. Because I I couldn't I couldn't blame my dad, he was too strong for that. And so, and then of course, the feeling was that God had deserted me. That means pretty much maintained until I was actually in Vietnam. We made a couple of beach landings. Um, we landed by helicopter from the ship uh on a couple of occasions. The second time we're going there. So I'm a machine gunner and I'm carrying a machine gun. I'm carrying a few extra hundred rounds of ammunition, three canteens, blackjacket, helm, backpack. I and I'm a skinny little kid. So what I uh I'm it it it seems like wait a minute, I'm carrying me. Wow. Besides me, I'm carrying another meat. And so, and then we get where we're gonna go, and the helicopters don't want to land because they're you know concerned of being vulnerable to the enemy fire, uh, which turned out not to be any on the landing, but just the same, they said jump. I said, You you want me to jump where? And so it was uh uh uh pretty distressful happen. And so that that type of uh things well we've got it, we went in further into country and we're digging a hole, digging my fighting hole, and we started getting hit by artillery. It was coming over the DMZ, and I when I was doing that, and I got the hole is only partial dug, so there wasn't much room, but I got in as low as I could, but I was smoking a cigarette, which I had started after my dad died, and I recalled it was the couple buddies who were in a uh cafeteria and a uh snack bar, and I said, Okay, uh, because we're bragging, because we were stupid, uh you know, in smoking, and and uh I said, I'll probably be blowing smoke out of my lungs with my last breath, uh, because I was such a smart guy, and so and I thought of that when this artillery is coming in, and when that's coming in, it's it sounds like freight trains crashing into each other or something. It was so loud and the smell, and and um and I threw that cigarette away as fast as I could, and I started breathing out, pushing the air out of my lungs as much as I could, right? And and then I I I prayed at that time, asking God for forgiveness the way I had rejected him and and ended up in where I was because of it, right? And so uh but the thing of it was it's like there didn't it wasn't a a permanent thing, you know. I uh I'm still into into had a long time yet to go into my combat days. There's a lot of things that happen in combat that you wonder where God is. And so, you know, there's uh kind of like the the prodigal son, you know, and then I would be forgiven, and then I would be back out, you know, pulling the same tricks again. But the uh when I left the Marine Corps, I was wounded three times, so the after the third one, third one, uh the uh uh the field hospital or or the ship hospital or neither one were sufficient for my wounds, so uh I was sent back to the United States, where I was in a naval hospital for several months. When I left a naval hospital, uh then my duty was to notify Nex of Kin that their their marine had been killed in combat. That duty had many parts of it which were more difficult than being in combat. And so we would we would go to their door, knock on the door, and tell them that their Marine was gone. And then we were the honor guard for that Marines funeral, honorable duty, but it took its toll. And and then I uh started drinking again, and and so instead of facing the issue, instead of reaching out for God, I once again wondered where God was and how come this is happening. And so um that was a very difficult time. So kind of a winded uh answer to your question, but it uh there isn't a one time where I forsake God and then went back for forgiveness and restarted my life. And the uh the last time and before I started writing the book, uh it was after the pandemic, and and then it was tough to have people to come to work or they didn't want to, and some wanted to, didn't know how to do it. So it was very d just uh stressful as well, and uh right in the middle of tax season. And so one evening in uh in my office, I I I'd kept a a bottle of scotch in my drawer. This is just a few years ago. This is just a few years ago. Okay, okay. Okay, wow. Most recent uh the pandemic. Uh and so when I uh pulled a bottle out, and I I just drank from the bottle. I didn't bother with the glass. Uh then I started I started to do it again and I picked it up and I slammed it back down on my desk, and and that's when I I hollered something like, No, I can't do this anymore. And I cried out to God for forgiveness for my constant going back and forth, and and and the at that time, and then I just I fell on the floor. I was alone in my office. Um sometime after that, my wife called me and asked me what I'm up to. But um, and that's that's when I sometime after that, then I I realized I was in trouble and and uh it was it was more than I could handle. Actually, that's when I shortly time after that, I started writing the book to uh just to figure out what what I had done with my life and how I got to where I was. So but that's that was the thing too. I mean the on the outside, except for my short temper, the uh uh nobody would have guessed, or I wouldn't think that you know I I mean they could see probably strain on my face and aging maybe, but you know that's age too, though. Yeah, but the uh uh but inside in inside would mentally, physically, spiritually, I would say that's probably what hell is.

SPEAKER_03 16:11

Well that and so that was just a few years ago, and what you're at your 70, late 60s, early 70s now. I'm 79. Oh, 79, wow, man. Well, it's that full head of hair that tricked me, you know, right there. Yeah, that's what does it wow. So that was just at like at age 75 then, or 74. That's when you really came to Christ, and the burnout sort of peaked at that at that late stage in your life.

SPEAKER_01 16:43

Yeah, had always had nightmares all the time. I mean, that was not uncommon. So the the only difference in my nightmares as years went over, I just had another segment as I either had a different job. Uh one one thing of being in combat, there were nightmares. Notifying next to Ken, certainly there were nightmares. Wow, yeah. The last year in the Marine Corps, then my uh my mother died, and uh she had cancer. I knew she was uh not well, and she had asked me if she didn't live. I had a younger brother and sister. Um, if she didn't live until they graduated from high school, if I would be their guardian. Oh whoa, man. So at 23, I became a guardian of uh my little brother and sister. Hmm at that old age of 23, huh? Yeah, exactly. I was but a kid myself.

SPEAKER_03 17:54

So that put the yeah, I'm sorry, go ahead, Chris.

SPEAKER_00 17:57

I know I I would just go ahead. Did you have a question, Dale? Follow-up question?

SPEAKER_03 18:04

About the faith and responsibility, you know.

SPEAKER_00 18:07

Yeah, go for it, Dale. Go ahead and ask that question. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 18:10

Well, you had you, I mean, Jack, uh you said at that young age you were now responsible for uh your two siblings. And I did read if I'm if I take something away that I'm gonna stick in my brain, is where you say definitely trauma plus responsibility plus self-reliance equals eventual collapse. And uh, and that leads into that idea of the faithful responsibility. You said that you know, burnout often comes when you're doing the right thing, right? You're a faithfully responsible citizen, you're doing what you should do, taking care of your family. Um, you know, why do you think the most responsible men are sometimes the ones that are uh the ones who burn out I think a lot of it has to do with just not knowing when to say no and just keep adding more and more responsibility?

SPEAKER_01 19:05

Uh I think that's a it the thing of it is is you know, like they say, if you want something done, give it to a busy person. Yeah, that's very true, right? And so, and that busy person doesn't have enough common sense to say no. I know because I've been there, yeah, right. But that's the uh I think that is in it's not only just being busy, but but being you know, somewhat a perfectionist. You know, you be a perfectionist, or um uh you just think you're the only one who can do it, right? So you just keep taking more stuff on.

SPEAKER_00 19:56

I think that's a huge issue, is especially for folks who have kind of a more people pleaser mentality. And a lot of times, if you're coming out of a divorce, and I I know I can speak for this, when you're coming out of divorce, if there is a level of guilt that you have coming out of the divorce, if you if you see, you know, that that your actions spurred a lot of what happened, you will come out and feel a need for perfection. Um, I felt a need to home cook everything, to have plans every single weekend, um, to just be able, I mean, I felt like I needed to be super dead, and and frankly, I still do because that guilt isn't gone. So it can lead to a lot of burnout. So, men, I guarantee you, some of you can relate to this because we hear from you, you know, we coach you. I know that a lot of men are carrying a lot of guilt. So, but along with that, Keith, my question is you come from a marine background, and many men, especially after divorce, adopt a just push through mindset, just get through the day, just get through the day. Why is that dangerous long term? I understand short term, especially when we're trying to keep you off of going off the rails, you know, drinking, doing drugs, that kind of stuff. It's one day at a time. But from a long-term perspective, how is just pushing through dangerous? And what advice do you have for men who are just making it barely every single day?

SPEAKER_01 21:32

When I um especially different different while I was in the Marine Corps, I mean it wasn't a choice to did it. But but after that so when I when I'm when I got out of the Marines and I was a guardian for my younger brother and sister. And then uh I'm from a little small town in Ohio. And basically, you know, the jobs there were different types of factories. And uh I tried that and I wasn't good at that at all. And so uh so I knew I had to go to college and I started learning to do income taxes and I liked that, so I needed a degree. I had the responsibility of the children, but also I had to somehow figure out how I'm gonna pay for college. And uh I saved nothing when I was in the Marines, and so there was very little money. So it was a matter of getting a job, going to school, uh part-time or uh or as many courses as I could afford in the semester. And so and then that became the push because I had to get through this, I had to get it over. So I tried to do it um take on more courses than I should. And and so it was uh kind of in my mind of self-preservation, I guess. I wanted um and and and just to show people around me that I could I I think throughout most of my adult life it was a matter of uh what I could do but what I could have other people think I could do. And so it was more of uh pretending in a way, I guess is one way to say it because I didn't want to uh show weakness. I I think that uh as a because I I'm having the trauma inside, and so I I had to do stuff to prove that there was no trauma on the outside.

SPEAKER_03 24:22

Most of the skills that you learn to be successful as a marine in combat are not skills that serve you very well back home, are they?

SPEAKER_01 24:31

No, I get you in trouble. I get you in trouble here to be found upon my skills, yes, as a civilian.

SPEAKER_03 24:38

Yeah, I think that to have to flip-flop to the other side of the male skill set of caregiver responsible that had to have been quite the quite the swing and for anybody of any age to navigate, but to be a young man trying to figure that out. You know, what does it take to be a man on in Vietnam? It takes this, and here in the US back home as caregiver for your two siblings, it takes a whole nother set of skills. That had got to be confusing.

SPEAKER_01 25:11

I I thought it was very confusing, uh, because I didn't know what I was doing.

SPEAKER_03 25:16

There you go. Unfortunately, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:20

And and um uh I mean it's not that I was was raising them. I think you know my mother had a pretty good start on that, you know. So they were they were coming along nicely, but uh I mean, I one day I'm a sergeant in the Marine Corps, next day I I'm a guardian, you know. I mean, it's like wait a minute, how much of this can I take?

SPEAKER_03 25:48

Are you still in contact? Are your is your brother and sister still around and you're in contact with them?

SPEAKER_01 25:55

Yeah, there um uh my my brother, I think he's out there somewhere where you are right now. You just okay you went out there. Uh my sister, sister, and one of my older brothers is in uh in Ohio.

SPEAKER_03 26:10

Okay, okay. Yeah. So that was quite a confusing thing, but it sounds like you from that young age all the way for the next 50 years were from 23 to 73, 74 before you kind of hit this collapse as you say, collapse stage, then what were you how would it what did that look like as far as burnout? Because you you do you know, you say that strength without pause. I mean, enduring without pause, without some sort of relief. If we can interpret you know, a pause as being some sort of relief or help. Where did that relief come from, or how did that what did that look like in your life for the next you know 50 years as a the CPA? That's a long time, man.

SPEAKER_01 26:59

So so the the thing, I mean, it was there was constant pressure, there was aggravation, there was uh maritual arguments, yeah, anger, but but the uh uh uh my wife's not a weakling, she's a tough bird. Oh, okay. Lady, and so and uh very small, very tough, and and uh like I always say, you know, uh I'm in the Marine Corps, I learned how to take orders, so yes, ma'am.

SPEAKER_03 27:37

Yeah, there you go. Sometimes that is the better choice of uh answers.

SPEAKER_01 27:43

But uh we're coming up, we're just about 45 years of marriage.

SPEAKER_03 27:46

Oh wow, man, that's amazing.

SPEAKER_01 27:49

See and so uh people say, How did you last so long? I do what I was told. But the uh lot of a lot of turmoil, uh we had of course there's going to be arguments, but we loved each other and we you know worked through it. Well she did more than me. So I'm very grateful to her.

SPEAKER_03 28:26

And were there other behavior? I mean, I what I hear working with young men too is this anger under pressure. You know, I think men, we just we just take whatever emotions coming in, and oftentimes it just comes out as anger, anger. Even if we're can be happy, sometimes we get mad about that. And uh it seems like this anger is a big piece of just a boy and young man having a normal childhood. I would think that your circumstances would would really be you know exacerbate that that kind of thing.

SPEAKER_01 29:00

And I I had uh a lot of anger, uh, especially after my dad died. I think it was pretty much the beginning of any type of anger, real anger I ever had. Uh uh as a kid, I was pretty much just a you know a softie. Uh but when my dad died, things started changing, and uh but through my whole adult life, uh there's anger, I was irritable very often, easy to get upset. And uh sleepless nights was really huge.

SPEAKER_00 29:45

Keith, I wonder, you know, how many oh go Keith, I I I wonder, you know, those things you're mentioning, you know, the the next question I was gonna ask is for a divorced man listening right now who's barely holding it together, like what are the warning signs that that that he's actually in burnout? Are some of those things you're mentioning now around that? Like, what are the red flags? Okay, I need to, I need to stop. I'm I am now past stress, I'm burnt out, I'm done. Um, because once you get to that point, that's when I know for me a lot of the anger and irritable irritability comes out. So, what should a guy be looking for?

SPEAKER_01 30:22

Oh, yeah, definitely. I I'd say uh certainly sleepless nights, no, no question about it, just irritable all the time, or most all the time. Um lack of tolerance, uh relationships going down the drain. Just not just the spouse or maybe your kids, but people you work with, uh neighbors, just everybody, anybody and everybody. Yeah, and uh yeah, and so uh the other thing I would have a lot of headaches.

SPEAKER_00 31:05

Just so I I think those are all really good signs that you're pointing out, and I love the one that you pointed out about your relationships, not just with your you know, soon-to-be ex or ex-wife, but what are your relationships like with other folks? So other folks are gonna see things that you're not seeing. So I think you know, having the bravery to ask for feedback, you know, from folks, um, just being a little bit mindful of how your relationships are, are people starting to pull away from you? Because I know, Dale, you went through a little bit of this too when when folks were you know first trying to help you out, but maybe not doing it the right way, and you were angry uh about that. I know I went through that, you know, when I was going through divorce. I just I was just so mad. I just wanted to punch something, which is why I started the box, right? Sure, literally. Yeah, yeah. So all of that is great. So that Dale back to you if you want to ask the next question.

SPEAKER_03 32:05

Yeah, those are those are great insights. I I know that the sometimes we say that the spiritual journey of discipleship is we're born with a thin skin and hard heart. So thin skin meaning anything sets us off. And the reaction to that is a hard-hearted, you know, response. And so growth of discipleship is to develop a thicker skin so that we can take more and have a softer heart. You know, we we can take more and then get more compassion as we as we grow in Christ. Um, you know, your your relationship with God is is uh what I'm hearing you say is that you you really did not have a strong relationship with God until just a few years ago when you were kind of hit that wall and and asked God to rescue you, save you. Um did that sort of distance from God live throughout your those 50 years before you came to that, after your dad's death, all the way up to the your early 70s or mid-70s, or your experience during during the pandemic?

SPEAKER_01 33:07

The there were uh uh there were there were times where I would still get closer to God um over those over those 50 some years in there. Uh which is so sometimes it, you know, that would kind of kind of like waves, you know. I mean it was um not not to something where I was until I was really what what happened is as after you know, especially in the pandemic years, and then from that I I realized I I had lost my purpose. And I mean even one time as as being a tax accountant, because I would help a lot of people uh through tax, whether they had tax problems or or or or or what, but and so I I I really felt that as a calling, though I missed it when I was a kid when I was gonna be a preacher, but I I thought this way maybe this is what God really meant me to do, would be to be a tax accountant, and so uh at times I really loved the work and I loved helping the people and and that. And then as pandemic and and all the uh rigmarol going on back then, it just felt as though I had lost the purpose, and uh and I was starting uh to have a a distance more so of God. You know, so I mean it was kind of up and down, but uh but when I the the final breakdown, which a few years ago was I think was was was truly helping me to realize that never was any of this ever God's fault. It's always been my fault, of course. But it I think it took a lot for me to admit it to myself.

SPEAKER_00 35:34

So, Keith, one thing that I think is really interesting is this notion of male, like how strong we are as men. And you're a marine, you're as strong as they come. The stories that you've told today are heroin, where 99.99% of us wouldn't be able to storm a beach or something like that, like you've done. So men a lot of times believe if they were stronger spiritually, they wouldn't feel burnout, they wouldn't feel the way they do. Is is burnout a spiritual failure, or how do men view this just from a male macho perspective? You know, they don't want to feel burnout, and it may not even be spiritual, but talk about being a man and being vulnerable around when you are on the mat.

SPEAKER_01 36:26

Okay, I I can tell you this from just from my own perspective. I don't know how other people react, but I was a United States Marine. I was a member of the greatest fighting force on the world in uh the world has ever known at his time. And now the new Marines have taken that over. Uh I have three of my older brothers who were Marines. And that I I went into Marine Corps. Uh I chose the Marine Corps over the Army or something else because I had Marine brothers. Uh but as a kid, when I was when I was going to be a minister, I thought I'd be a chaplain and a chaplain in the Navy, because the Marine Corps doesn't have chaplains, they use the navies. And so I thought that way I could appease my older brothers. There we go. But the but the training is tough, the life is tough, and the combat is tough, and I was there, and I'm tough. And I I I don't believe I I don't believe that my spirituality has changed the what I what I think of that I probably can endure to a certain degree. Uh and and and part of part of God's recovery plan is that endurance. A step is called action, and that action is based on uh the love of God and talking with God and controlling those actions and how much of those actions you are to take, right? So you don't get uh overwhelmed and and think that you're you're too tough, but spirituality uh uh I mean in the in Ephesians chapter six, Paul talks about the armor of God, and that's not for weaklings necessarily. It's warrior language, for sure. Definitely warrior language.

SPEAKER_03 39:05

Dale, do you want to ask another question that I'll ask if I think it's interesting because I'm uh uh Keith, I'm a chaplain for uh Travis County Sheriff's Office here and deal with law enforcement and our deputies and COs and dispatchers and other first responders going through the kind of trauma, you know, that they see and are part of. But um, so if you're one of those people, then thank you for your service to our law enforcement folks listening for sure, and all our veterans who have served so faithfully. And I, you know, I think of we've done a lot of trauma-informed work here. I think the answer that you have to trauma is the right answer. I think so many times we we have answers that are less than, you know, that are kind of touching the surface of the trauma someone's experience. And so uh you said that your turning point, you know, wasn't a technique, which is a lot of what we hear and have, um but it was an invitation. So, what was that invitation and how did that how did your response to that invitation result in in your healing and in a book and a ministry? That's really quite amazing.

SPEAKER_01 40:19

Well just that night in my office when I uh I just I just cried out to God and and um and and asked for forgiveness. And so it's um the the whole the whole th um the whole process was uh pretty overwhelming. Um the the fact that uh I'm seventy some years old and I'm lying on the floor in my office crying.

SPEAKER_02 41:10

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 41:11

Wow, you know, and and then uh uh the uh then the follow-up to be on a podcast telling people that I did that. Quite vulnerable, yep. Right. So that's not uh not exactly what the Marine Corps taught me to do. That's true, hide it.

SPEAKER_03 41:35

Suck it up buttercup, that's what we say, and law enforcement, you know.

SPEAKER_01 41:39

Yeah, that's it.

SPEAKER_03 41:40

And that was your relation, uh, a renewed relationship with God that you found the invitation was to rest and to find your identity in God and and to find that forgiveness.

SPEAKER_01 41:54

Well, from that, yeah, from that standpoint, then I started writing to myself and just looking at my life and the things that happened. And and so as I started doing that, I I I took my history, my my my feelings, and and uh my pain and my redemption, and I poured this all into a fictional marine I call Kevin Casey. And so I was writing this story, look from the outside looking in uh at this other fella, you know, not me. And and then after I, as I got pretty much through it, I was thinking, well, wait a minute. I'm not the only marine, I'm not the only person with uh hardships, I'm not the only person who suffers some burnout, and and um and that's why I turned that into a book.

SPEAKER_00 43:05

That's amazing. Thank you so much, Keith. We really appreciate your time today, and this has been incredibly important. And man, if you take one thing from today, let it be this burnout is not the end of your story, it may be the place where God meets you most honestly. You don't have to carry everything alone, guys. You don't have to prove your strength. You know, like Keith said, I mean, look look at Keith's story, and and Keith still is broken down, you know, crying. Um, that doesn't make you weak. And you you're not you're not behind the eight ball. You're you're still where you need to be as long as you stay close. Because scripture tells us the Lord is near the broken heart and saves crust and spirit. If you're exhausted, that may not be a failure. That may be the moment God is inviting you to do something deeper. So, Keith, where can men find you and your work and get your book?

SPEAKER_01 43:57

Um, you can go.

SPEAKER_00 44:00

to my website which is um recoverybyfaith.com and um you can order the books through there's links to different bookstores and and um the uh uh my email is on there I think if it's not it's Keith at recovery my faith.com and fantastic anybody who wants to talk to me um I'm here to listen amazing thank you Keith your story is so inspiring men burnout is not is not weakness it's just your body you know Dale's talked about this before it's it's your body sending you a signal it's that check engine light you know that Dale talks about so often you wouldn't let that go um not attended to in your car don't let it happen to your body and men just as a reminder as we as we close out here when you're facing burnout when you're facing all these trials and and and tribulations as you're going through divorce you don't have to do it alone dale and I are here to support you and to help you and you can feel free to reach out to us at hello at men's divorce recovery dot org or visit our website www men's divorce recovery.org and Dale and I would be happy to help walk you through this challenging time so that you have somebody who's been there before and can show you through this dark time and get you through the other side. Dale I'll hand it back over to you to close it out.

SPEAKER_03 45:33

Thank you so much for sharing your your heart and your story and man you've been through a lot but here you are 79 still rocking it there and we really appreciate that. I want to go back to just a reminder of what to me this formula uh that you have is trauma plus responsibility plus self-reliance equals eventual collapse. And I think that that is a lot where a lot of people are and when you're in divorce you you that responsibility gets added on and and the traumas there and uh the recovery that comes out of that is just what you talked about honesty about the pain you've been in uh surrender to God letting him letting remembering that you're not in control he's going to get you and then uh working on all those uh your own personal identity and then those relationships you did all that through your book which kind of says a lot about writing how that journaling can be helpful and so we're really grateful for uh for your vulnerability and your honesty and the hard work of writing because both Chris and I know that writing is hard work. So thank you for those lonely hours of uh pecking on a keyboard uh it is producing great things so thank you Keith for your time today and I guess I just want to remind you the two things that we always say is number one if you're in the middle of a the divorce mess or any mess just don't make it worse you can think a lot of things just don't act on them because those can put you in jail and prison eventually so so think things but don't act on them. Eventually God will change your thinking and get you some help and relief um immediately don't don't make it worse and second thing is and I really think we should think about this is just live with your end in mind on earth that uh that we're gonna die and most people are going to forget about us. Um and uh but what we do for Christ in the end is the most important thing. But also just how you finish out your life is super important that we just want to determine now that in the end we would have good things said about us how we stewarded the gift that God has given to us. So thanks guys for listening around the world we appreciate you Keith and uh we'll come back at you soon