Time Management, Being Late vs On Time, and Why Showing Up Matters

In this episode, Ruben and RyLee dive into the real-life importance of showing up—for your family, your friends, and the people who matter most. From the ongoing debate of being late vs. on time, to the deeper meaning behind “essentialism”, they unpack how time management impacts relationships, parenting, and everyday life.

They share personal stories, honest perspectives, and practical insights on building trust, creating healthy habits, and why simply being present can make all the difference. If you’ve ever struggled with balancing schedules, running late, or wanting to be more intentional with your time, this episode is for you.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:05

Welcome back to R Time with Reuben and Riley, where we talk about marriage, parenting, and have a little weekly Veg session. You ready?

SPEAKER_01 0:16

I'm ready.

SPEAKER_00 0:17

All right, let's do it. Ruben kick us off with our sweet and salty.

SPEAKER_01 0:23

Um, my sweet this week, this past week, was um our daughters had a book nick at their school uh last Friday. And I just thought it was it was very fun.

SPEAKER_00 0:37

I I think Well, you need to explain what booknick is.

SPEAKER_01 0:40

Oh, okay. So book nick is it was Nevada Reading Day last Friday, and this their school had just a really fun event where they invited the parents or family to come and have a picnic on the playground uh with the kids and eat some lunch and read books. Um, and it was just fun. And and our daughters were super excited, especially Ruby. She's our new eight-year-old, and she reminded me like a week before, like, Dad, remember my lunch is at 10:35. Don't forget 10:35. Yeah, 1035 a.m. lunch. Anyway, she reminded me every single day up until the night before, and just tried to make sure that I was there. And when I got there, okay, so hers was at 10:35, Olivia and Emily's was at like 12:30, like a more normal time for it.

SPEAKER_00 1:33

Unfortunately, I couldn't go to Ruby's because I had a doctor's appointment.

SPEAKER_01 1:37

Right. So she especially wanted to remind me because she knew you weren't going to be there. So and I was like, Yes, Ruby, I'll be there. Don't worry, you know, but she just wanted to make sure I was there. And and when I got there and she came up with her class, like she was just like so excited. Like she ran up to me and gave me the biggest hug, and and was just so excited just to have lunch with me on on the playground. And and so that was that was so sweet, you know. And and then for the 12:30 lunchtime with with Livy and Emily, my sister had flown into town. She got there, she got here at like 11, 12, and so she was able to come to their lunch. And and Riley was also able to make that one. And so we all got got to eat lunch together.

SPEAKER_00 2:24

And and which in turn, so did our three-year-old and the baby. Yeah, it was.

SPEAKER_01 2:30

He was there, and Meta was there, and my sister, and it was just it was just fun. It was just fun just to see the kids excited for us to be there. And the funny thing is, is like I just dropped them off to school, like two hours before that. Like, yeah, school started at 8 a.m. Ruby's lunch was at 10:30. I just dropped her off to school. Like, it's not like I it was that long before I saw her again, and but yet she she acted like she hadn't she hadn't seen me in so long.

SPEAKER_00 2:58

Well, and it's like the a different context, right? It's like you're not in that world with them very much. And so I don't know. I always thought that was so fun as a kid to see like my parents or my siblings or something when I was in elementary school, because like if they weren't in my school, it was just like a special thing, you know?

SPEAKER_01 3:19

Yeah, yeah. No, for sure. And and they got to see me, like they got to show off their friends, like and be like, hey dad, this is my friend, so and so. And and so I think they're excited to do that as well, you know. And so, and it was funny too, because Libby and Emily's their their lunch was at 1230, and their school ends at what 233?

SPEAKER_00 3:39

Yeah, like soon after.

SPEAKER_01 3:40

So soon after we're like, we're saying bye, like we're not gonna see him for a while, and it was like, I'll see you in like a couple hours, you know.

SPEAKER_00 3:48

But actually, I have to say the fun one funny part about booknic is the idea was that we read books as a family and have a picnic because it's book week. And uh last year, when they did it, they had like a bunch of boxes set out where we could go and like pick up books and read them. So all the kids were doing it last year because they had these boxes set out. Well, this year it was different, it was kind of like the kids were supposed to bring their own book. Well, our reader, our our 11-year-old is a big reader, and she comes out with her chapter book and she's like reading the fifth book of this of six of this series, so she's really into it. But regardless, she's like always has a book in her hand. But she comes out and she looks around and she goes, I'm the only one who brought a book out here for Pucknick. For Bucknick. Yeah, like me and Ruby didn't even brought books out.

SPEAKER_01 4:40

Right, and me and Ruby Ruby didn't read a single book, you know.

SPEAKER_00 4:44

Yeah, but I guess we could have brought some too. But last yeah, just had them set up, so I was kind of thinking they would, but they didn't.

SPEAKER_01 4:51

Yeah, there were parents that brought books, though.

SPEAKER_00 4:53

I saw maybe I didn't read.

SPEAKER_01 4:54

We just we just didn't really think about the books or thought more of the the food and being there with them. So so that was my sweet. What was yours? Or salty? You can go salty.

SPEAKER_00 5:05

It was super fun. Okay, I'll go sweet first, too. So um I have a couple of sweets. We had our eight-year-old decided to get baptized in our church. Uh, we belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and she decided to get baptized. And so we had family coming in from out of town and flying in and traveling. Uh, we had friends come, and it was just like the best time to be together to celebrate her. Um, and it was just so sweet, and it was so fun, and everything went perfectly. It was just a really fun time to spend with family and uh friends. Um, people not of our faith, our friends came and supported her, and it was just the best.

SPEAKER_01 5:52

So I'll say that was really sweet too. Yeah, that was sweet people that had never been to our church before, never been to a baptism for our faith. Probably were super uncomfortable, like feeling like you know, walking into this unknown church and not knowing really what's going on, but but they came because they loved our family, yeah, and they loved Ruby and they wanted to support, and that was awesome. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:17

Yeah, it kind of made me emotional when I saw them. I just I remember the first things that came out of my mouth. So I was just like, oh, you beautiful people. It just like it meant so much to me. Like these are such sweet friends and supportive people to come and support her and her special day, even though maybe they don't believe it or understand it or whatever, like they care about her and supported her in that, and that was so sweet. So that was the ultimate sweet. But I have one more little sweet. Well, it's actually a big deal for me, but you know, in the past few episodes, I talked about my eyes being this salty. My eyes have been amazing. Have you noticed? They're like not red anymore, and I've actually worn contacts. Uh you know, I started off for a small duration of time and then progressively went longer, but I've worn contacts like three times this week, and my eyes have been fine, and I think it's a couple, maybe a couple of things, okay? Um maybe sugar. My eyes have gotten better since I've stopped eating sugar. Is that not crazy? Like, maybe sugar, but also the season is changing. Yeah, like it's warming up, and most people's allergies are getting worse, but I feel like I've been better. So it could be this season too. Like it could be that, but I've been dealing with eye issues for even when you're on the shot. Even when, yes, I've been dealing with eye issues for like six months, and they're finally feeling better, and I'm not doing any additional eye drops or anything like that, and they're clearing up. So yeah, I'm at least, and I honestly like I don't think I realize I tried con like I did realize it. I was like, oh my eyes are doing better, or try some context. But when I was talking to some friends tonight, I was hanging out with some friends, and I was like, oh my gosh, like this has really been kind of since I've started to stop eating sugar.

SPEAKER_02 8:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:24

Is that not crazy? If you're an ophthalmologist or what's the other one? Like optometrist, ophthalmologists, yeah. Let me know if you think that could be.

SPEAKER_01 8:35

I mean, I think reducing sugar definitely helps many things.

SPEAKER_00 8:41

Probably a lot of things. Processed sugars are like in everything. And I'm still, and it's not to say I haven't fully eliminated it because like I still have some processed food every now and then, right? That like maybe there's some sugar in, but probably a very significant drop in sugar from what I was having, and I'm being a lot more aware of my sugar intake, you know. Yay! We're happy about that because for a long time that was my salty, and now it's a sweet.

SPEAKER_01 9:18

It's a sweet without the sweet.

SPEAKER_00 9:21

It's a sweet without the sweet, but we still have sweet.

SPEAKER_01 9:23

Sweet without the sugar.

SPEAKER_00 9:24

We have we have sugar-free.

SPEAKER_01 9:25

Sugar free chocolate chips. Fake sweet.

unknown 9:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:29

All right, what was your salty?

SPEAKER_00 9:31

Oh, I just put a chocolate chip in my mouth. It's your turn.

SPEAKER_01 9:35

Okay. So my salty still has to do with the book, Nick. And I don't know. I I kind of hit the word salty kind of just makes me think. I don't know. Salty, like I don't know. Something that made me mad or something that made me annoyed, or right? Like when you say I'm salty.

SPEAKER_00 9:53

That made you salty.

SPEAKER_01 9:54

That made me salty. But this wasn't this didn't really make me salty. Just kind of made me sad a little bit. Um when when we when I went to the first book nick with Ruby, 1030, there was one kid who uh was sitting there kind of looking around.

SPEAKER_00 10:11

Oh waiting. It's gonna break my heart.

SPEAKER_01 10:13

Waiting for someone to show up, you know, and it looked like he had thought that his parents were coming or someone was coming, and he was looking around and and just didn't see anyone there, you know. And and and I thought, man, this is so sad, you know. And the teachers, he started to cry a little bit, and the teachers had to take him and they they kind of put their arms around him and walked him back into the cafeteria um where all the other kids were eating who didn't have parents that came or or whatever. And but he came outside because I think he thought that he was gonna have lunch with someone, you know. And um, that was just made me so sad, you know. And it made me even more like grateful that I came. Like, even maybe, yeah, is that the right word? Grateful that I came and or happy that I came and and was there with Ruby, you know. Um and also made me think, like, not to not to shame the parents or whatever. Like, I don't want like there's probably something that happened or something that went on or or whatever, but even more so, like the reason I bring it up is is to just kind of highlight like the importance of showing up the importance of showing up and how much it means to the kids, you know. Even though you saw them a couple hours before, even though I saw him a couple hours before, you know, and that just made that just broke my heart, honestly. And and honestly, it broke my heart thinking that if Ruby was there sitting there and I didn't show up, you know, and she was and she and she was disappointed in me for not coming, like that would have broken my heart to see her like that.

SPEAKER_00 11:52

So, can I share parent felt because I was that parent once?

SPEAKER_02 11:56

Sure.

SPEAKER_00 11:57

With Ruby. Last year, Ruby had a field trip, and I got picked to be a chaperone, and they kind of do it like pull out of the hat if you can be a chaperone, because so many people want to go and they can't have that many chaperones. And um, I got selected, and she was so excited that I could go on her field trip. And last year was our first year at this school, so it was also Ruby's first field trip ever, because our last school didn't really do field trips, and so it was a big deal. It was her first field trip ever. I got selected to go, and um I got busy working on stuff. Um, actually, this ties into what we're talking about now that I think about it. But I got busy working on stuff with purposeful toys, and because of that, I was a little late to the field trip. And so this was this field trip was at a theater downtown, and um, I called them, I was like, I'm coming, I'm running late. And they're like, Okay, we'll have somebody waiting out there for you, you know. So I was able to get in. Thankfully, somebody waited for me so I could go in. Um, and I I just I was in tears because I just kept thinking about how Ruby was probably looking for me. She was probably looking for me and I wasn't there, and I had no way to tell her, you know, that I was running late or that things came up or whatever. And um I went into the theater and there were I saw Ruby and there were no spots by her. So I said, can I just sit like over here, like kind of by her class? And so they're like, Oh, yeah, you can go sit over there. So I sat over there, I made sure she saw me, like I got her attention and she was excited to wave at me, but like I couldn't sit by her, and it was like a theater, so it was like I it's not like I was really, I don't even know why the chaperones were really there. Like I was not interacting with any of the kids. I just sat there and watched the show, kind of by myself, and then I made sure to like give her a hug on the way out, and that was it. And I felt horrible, I felt so bad. I felt like the worst mom. And uh at the end of the day, she was okay. Like my kid was fine, you know. She was fine, she probably wasn't as sad as I like was thinking, but I do think showing up matters, and it just like broke my heart that that I wasn't there when she was probably looking for me and stuff like that.

SPEAKER_01 14:32

Yeah, initially, but you fixed it, you showed up still, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:36

But I still think about that. I just felt like the worst ever. Yeah, and and because of that, I'm like, you be on time, like be focused, be try, try to be on time.

SPEAKER_01 14:48

Especially when you have a daughter that is reminding you over and over and over and over. It's like this is important to them, and you know, you gotta show up. So, but yeah, anyways, that was that was my salty, you know. I just honestly felt so bad for that kid, you know. And and I never want want my children to to feel like they're they're not being supported, you know, in the things that they want to do. So so yeah. What's yours?

SPEAKER_00 15:17

Showing up matters. Um wait, I feel like this is such a good topic. Never mind. You want to keep going? No, but I was I just want to share one more thing, kind of on this note, but it's not about our kids. It's remember there was a time when Ruben was the Polynesian Student Union president at Utah State University. So he's over the like Polynesian club at Utah State. And the we had to put on, I was in that presidency with you, and we had to put it on a big luau. And in the past, years past, this was like a huge event, huge luau. It had kind of been dwindling in recent years. Um, so we were trying to like bring back this luau, and it takes a lot of time and energy, time practicing all the dances and learning and you know, putting together this show. And um, our first year doing it, we had invited family and friends. We had a couple of family members come, but but for the most part, nobody came. Like most of our friends, like I don't think any of our friends came. I think my mom came, my sister.

SPEAKER_01 16:26

We had so yeah, we had my siblings, family, family members, yeah, but no friends came.

SPEAKER_00 16:31

Um, but uh, you know, I we I mean that's on our end too, like we didn't market it very well. But anyways, I remember laying in bed at night with you, and we were like, that felt so sucky. Like that felt so sucky to do this and have no one come. And I remember the conversation we had that I was like, we want to make sure if possible, like it matters to show up and support people, and we want to be those people who show up and support. Yeah, I remember that conversation, and we're like we felt so horrible that we want to make sure we show up for people, and that's a big deal.

SPEAKER_01 17:12

Well, it was kind of yeah, yeah, there's fault on our part. There's fault on our part too. Like, this was our first time ever putting something like this together. Like, I just got back from a mission like that year, you know, the summer before. And it was probably mostly our we kind of just threw together something, and you know, we didn't really know what we were doing, planning this this little. And um, but I think probably we didn't advertise it very well, but yes, like for sure we should have done better.

SPEAKER_00 17:38

But I just remember that feeling and that less that and for us being like showing up means a lot to people.

SPEAKER_01 17:45

I I think we were also kind of embarrassed too. We were oh, we were super embarrassed, like because we had a a school group come, like some kids that were learning about Polynesian culture in their in their school class, and so they bought tickets to come and they were there, and they're and you know no one else was there, and we like had a dance, we did a few performances, and um I think I think partially or mostly I was I was just kind of embarrassed as the Polynesian Student Union president that kind of failed an event, like an event that like was supposed to be the big thing.

SPEAKER_00 18:23

And it used to be huge, right?

SPEAKER_01 18:25

Yeah, used to be huge, and and no one showed up, you know, except for our family and some friends, and or not really. I don't think they could friends, no friends, but we were just kind of I was just kind of embarrassed, like yeah, like and and I I remember I cried, you know. I think we both cried.

SPEAKER_00 18:42

We just felt so sucky.

SPEAKER_01 18:44

Oh man, the not turn out.

SPEAKER_00 18:47

The next year we put in work and time, like you to the point where you didn't work that semester, remember? We decided, you know what? Like, you're Riley's just gonna work, you're gonna focus on being the Polynesian student union president and working on school stuff that you needed to do. And you went out and you like put in foot traffic of like getting businesses to sponsor us and like traveling to different schools, and you did a lot, and that that was a big that was the biggest blue route they had had in years. So it was kind of cool to see like next year turned around completely. Yeah, the next year was a huge success. It was the biggest event they've had for like five or six years, you know, and so maybe not that long.

SPEAKER_01 19:37

Oh, it was we felt like it was that long.

SPEAKER_00 19:40

Maybe maybe not, but like for a but it was a good it was a good luau.

SPEAKER_01 19:44

It was a definitely good luau, yeah. But but with people standing in the back, like when we did it in a bigger place in the ballroom, and all the seats were filled, and people were standing. It was it was big, but also you know, and I think this could be a whole nother topic too, like we got more people involved, you know, to help and we uh and participate. We had more dancers, we had plummeters, but we had more of a fire knife dancer, we had more of a council, yeah, you know, and we had the right people, you know, not that the people before weren't weren't good, but we had more people who had uh also had experience putting on events, yeah. And you know, and and the so the crew that we had was just great, you know, and they helped us put that out together and and so turned out a lot better the next year for sure.

SPEAKER_00 20:39

So this could be a whole thing about business and leadership, but it's not going to be. But anyways, we learned from that and we moved on and and and and like even with me with Ruby's field trip, like I've learned I learned from that experience, and um definitely making changes. I'll probably revisit that later and on on in our conversation. But um yeah, I just wanted to add that because showing up matters and it means a lot to people. Sorry, we got off on a big tangent, but okay, my salty is Elsie, our three-year-old, was climbing my rock wall, and this is the first axe like injury we've had with this rock wall. And um, she was with her cousin, so we weren't there, we didn't see it, but she I did notice like the last few weeks, she's been getting braver and going up higher. So I I don't know how high she she was, but she fell off the rock wall and totally like scraped her head, like literally it tore off the skin off her forehead. Scalped her head.

SPEAKER_01 21:48

Oh yeah, it was bad.

SPEAKER_00 21:49

And she had a huge bump, and it was bleeding, and then she had like a sore on the other side of her face from it. She hit the rocks on her way down.

SPEAKER_01 22:00

And I was like, she just came downstairs. We just hear her crying.

SPEAKER_00 22:03

It was so sad.

SPEAKER_01 22:04

Walking down the stairs slowly. And we're like, yeah, that was so sad.

SPEAKER_00 22:09

I felt so sad. And then and then, like, later on that night, I was like, Elsie, I'm so sorry that that you got hurt on the rocks. And she was like, You didn't hurt me. The rocks hurt me. And I was like, I know, but I still feel so sad for you. But she had she got a pretty bad battle wound. And then today was worse because she had a band-aid. So this was a couple days ago. And then she had a band-aid on her head, and this the uh scab started forming on her injury, and it was sticking to the band-aid. And so I had to remove the band-aid and it like peeled off the scab. Oh, it was just I felt so bad. It was so sad. Anyways, that's the salt beam. She got pretty beat up.

SPEAKER_01 22:59

But she's fine now.

SPEAKER_00 23:01

I like can't take you seriously with that knife. I keep staring at her. Don't worry about the knife. Sketchy, man.

SPEAKER_01 23:09

Dude, leave the knife alone.

SPEAKER_00 23:11

Ew. Now for our next segment. Wait.

SPEAKER_01 23:15

That's interesting. So thing that I chose, this is a quote. I saw this on a Facebook, I think it was a Facebook reel or something, Facebook video. It was actually saved in my folder. I have like a full saved folder. It's like inspirational, motivational, like folder. I think I have saved this like years ago. So when I was trying to like think of something to share today, I just went, I was like, oh, I remember I had this, you know, because I hadn't saved anything to it for a while. So I went to it and I was just scrolling through the things I had saved and and this one stuck out to me. So this was it was like a Buddhist monk. I should probably get his name. I don't remember his name. It was pretty cool. He he seemed like a really wise guy. But he said he asked, he was speaking to a crowd, and he asked, What's the most what's what's uh what's the most pleasing five-letter word? Five-letter word. Some people said, money. Uh what else did someone say? I can't remember, but he said, no, the most he said the most pleasing five-letter word five-letter word is smile. It increases your face value.

SPEAKER_00 24:31

Riley.

SPEAKER_01 24:32

Riley? Or Reuben. Or V E Nuben and Riley.

SPEAKER_02 24:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:43

Uh, but he said, man, I it's better just to listen to him. I feel like I'm not doing us justice. But he said, the most pleasing five-letter word is smile. It increases your face value. He said, there will always be a reason to cry. We don't laugh on the same joke again. Why do we cry on the same problem again? It depends on you whether you want to smile or cry tears. And then he shared this diet diagram. So he speaks, he's talking about this in the context of like, just live your life, like be happy. Like there's so many things that go on in your life.

SPEAKER_00 25:15

Like choose to be happy.

SPEAKER_01 25:16

Like there are so many problems out there, but just choose to smile, just choose to be happy. And he and he shared this diagram. And the diagram it had uh it had a question. It said, Um, do you have a problem in life? And then there's an arrow to yes, an arrow to no, right? So it's that so it started, do you have a problem in life? You go to yes or you go to no, and then it goes to then why worry? Right? Do you have a problem in life? Yes. Can you do something about it? If you say yes again, then it points back to then why worry? Right? And then he asks again, do you have a problem in life? Yes. Can you do something about it? No. Then why worry?

SPEAKER_02 26:03

Because you have no control.

SPEAKER_01 26:05

It's like it all comes back to just then why worry? Like and I guess the idea he was trying to get across is like well, because that sucks. It's like like we're you're gonna have problems. There are things that are gonna happen. You can only control what you can control. So choose to smile, like choose to have to smile and not worry about the things that you can't control, you know, and if there is something you can do to control it, then do that and don't worry, you know? And I know it's simpler than it sounds, but the idea is like don't let things bother you so much. You know, he he he was also like, there are probably people out there talking bad about you. There's probably someone that's saying something bad about you in an email or text, right? That you don't even know about. But you can choose no one would ever he says, but you know, these are things, these are people that you can't control. Like just just live your life, smile, be happy, and don't worry so much, you know. And I actually shared this with Livy on our way back from soccer because she's such a worrier and about everything, and you know, and and she and she listened to it and she was like, I like that. This is and she actually brought up her own thing. Like she says, in my leadership class in school, we talked about the circle of control, or right, and inside the circle are things that we can control, which is like ourselves, our choices, right? Outside are things that we can't control, and so she brought that up, and I thought that was cool that she remembered that from school.

SPEAKER_00 27:45

Yeah, I like that they have a leadership class. I feel like every school should have a leadership class where they learn like life skills, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:53

Yeah, so, anyways, I thought I thought that was good for Livy to hear too. Just as someone that worries about a lot of things, even things that she can't control, and and um, but anyways, yeah, those that was my that was my interesting thing.

SPEAKER_00 28:06

I like it. You know what? Livy gets that from me to the point where I was when I was a young kid, I used to worry so much about everything that my parents always repeated a poem to me and it stuck with me till adulthood. And it was our old cow would have lived until now if it had only saved his breath, but he feared that his hay wouldn't last him all day, and he worried himself to death. That's the poem my parents told me. And the idea was that like his hay probably would have lasted him all day, but he was so worried about it that that's what ended up killing him instead. So don't worry, just anyways. I don't know if that's the best poem, but that's the poem my parents told me. Like, stop stressing. Um, but yeah, I see a lot of me in her in that way. I thought that's good. I think that's good. But I I kind of disagree with a little bit of what you said that people don't laugh at the same joke twice. People do.

SPEAKER_01 29:05

Okay, yeah. I mean, yeah, okay, later on, but if you keep telling it over and over and over, right?

SPEAKER_00 29:12

Like Yeah. I've been seeing this video that's like kind of trending, and it has the caption someday your child will describe their childhood to someone you've never met. And it's like, what so the thought is like, so what does that look like? Like, what are your kids gonna describe to people that have never met you about their childhood? And it makes you pause and think, like, well, I hope, I hope it goes like, oh, my parents loved us. They always like gave us hugs when we were sad, they read us books, they did had kitchen dance parties, they, you know, like I hope it's like fond memories, right? Rather than like traumatizing. But it just was kind of like, oh, that's kind of crazy. And then I was thinking about how, like, yeah, like I have some really good friends right now where I've just told them about my parents and I've just told them about my siblings, you know, and they haven't, they they don't know that world, you know. Yeah, and uh, and it's fun when those two connect. Like just this last weekend with the baptism. Um, I was like my friend Jen met my little sister Mackenzie, and she was like, Oh, are you Kaylee? And I just thought it was so sweet that like Jen remembered one of my sisters' names. Yeah, and like, you know, because she's like one of my really good friends, and she hasn't met my family, you know, and and it's like, what am I describing? What am I telling to to my friends? And one day our kids will do that. One day our kids are gonna meet really good friends who've like never met us.

SPEAKER_01 31:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:01

Which is just kind of wild. But it makes you think about their childhood and the kind of memories you're creating.

SPEAKER_01 31:07

Yeah, and it really helps you to really think about how what you what you're doing with the with our kids.

SPEAKER_00 31:14

Yeah, and with the time that we have, you know, I hope they're not like, oh my gosh, like good and bad.

SPEAKER_01 31:19

Good and bad, like when we go on vacations, right? Like we're thinking about trying to make memories with our children, and and we hope they talk about this for years to come.

SPEAKER_00 31:29

Yeah, and and also like maybe conflict resolution, right? Like, uh, like I kind of remember my parents disagreeing and then like what they would do to like solve it, you know, or like that they always would talk to us about what was going on or something, you know?

SPEAKER_02 31:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:49

So life lessons as well as like just some. I really hope they just have some really core, like fun, funny memories.

SPEAKER_01 31:59

And hopefully they don't remember the bad stuff.

SPEAKER_00 32:01

Yeah, hopefully that's trauma block. Anyways, that was it. I just was like, huh, that's kind of crazy. One day they'll describe their childhood.

SPEAKER_01 32:14

Yeah. Very interesting thought. Wait, that was interesting.

SPEAKER_00 32:20

Wait, that's interesting. All right.

SPEAKER_01 32:22

All right, let's get into it. Oh.

SPEAKER_00 32:24

Review time.

SPEAKER_01 32:26

Review time. So this time we actually got a review not from one of our siblings, which we actually, I mean, your siblings have shared reviews too.

SPEAKER_00 32:35

Yeah, and we're don't don't, we're gonna share those later.

SPEAKER_01 32:37

Oh, whoops. Keep sending more appreciated. If you give us enough reviews, like we'll have a lot to go through. Right now, we're trying to like save some because we don't have that many, so we're like, we need some to save for later.

SPEAKER_00 32:52

I'm not necessary to describe it. Um we appreciate all the reviews, whether related or not related.

SPEAKER_01 33:00

Related or not related, but yes, please leave us a review and only a good ones. Thank you. All right, this one is from at XN Joyce08. We know who you are. Uh, but it says, I don't even have kids, but I still really enjoy this podcast. The episode about giving people grace really stuck with me. It honestly made me think more about how hard parenting must be and helped me be a little more understanding toward the hot mess parents out there. Said with love, she said. I'm all caught up on the episodes now and actually look forward to the weekly uploads. It's always nice to listen to a positive podcast and feel like you're surrounded by genuinely kind people. Thanks for putting the time and effort into this every week. You're all doing a great job. Sorry about the editing mishap. Give yourselves some grace too, LOL. Please keep them coming because I'm officially hooked. Thank you, XN Joycey Zero.

SPEAKER_00 34:01

Thank you. That was a great review. That was really sweet. That was super nice. And also, I am one of those hot mess parents. So um, I appreciate the review.

SPEAKER_01 34:12

Especially from someone that's doesn't have children.

SPEAKER_00 34:14

Like Yeah, the feedback. And we wouldn't say we're not like a parenting podcast, but we do obviously talk about parenting kids and hopefully there's things that we share that yeah, a lot in it because we just talk about our life. So that means a lot, and that was very, very kind of you. So now is your time to leave a leave us a review. Uh, like, comment, give us five stars, follow the podcast, uh, follow on Instagram and TikTok and YouTube.

SPEAKER_01 34:45

Um, and continue the conversations that we've had. Like we really appreciate reading people's um input, you know, about things that we talk about and and hearing your thoughts and stuff. And so comment that, comment on anything that we talk about and leave us your thoughts. So, so thank you for listening.

SPEAKER_00 35:06

Thank you for listening. Thank you for sharing. Thanks for the review. We appreciate it. We also, you know what? We appreciate the encouragement for that. Was very sweet to acknowledge like the editing mishap because it is a struggle and like we've been having issues tonight. Um, we also had uh somebody else, I think it was your Uncle Bill. He when I was like, I don't know if it'll get posted, like we've we had to the whole thing got deleted. He's like, get it posted. I'm listening. Because I'm very firm. I was like, you know what? Uh will for you, Uncle Bill. Like, I just appreciate that. The encouragement, like, hey, we're listening, like, keep going, keep trying. We need that, you know, we need that. So we appreciate the feedback and to know that you're here means a lot. Like, I've run into a couple of people who's like, hey, I'm listening to your podcast, and I'm just like, oh, there's actually people on the show.

SPEAKER_01 36:09

They're listening.

SPEAKER_00 36:10

No, it makes me so happy. So yeah, let us know that you're listening. It means a lot. Um, okay, so today's main event, main topic, is on time management. And when I first told Ruben, I was like, we're gonna talk about time management. He's like, why? Why? We're not good at time management.

SPEAKER_01 36:33

This is not something we are qualified to speak about.

SPEAKER_00 36:36

Here's the thing we are truthfully not experts on any of the subjects we've talked about.

SPEAKER_01 36:41

That's true.

SPEAKER_00 36:42

And I thought, you know, I think for that reason it's a good topic of conversation because it is something that we struggle with. And um, I think a few things come into play with that. But there are things that I feel like I've gotten really good at with time management over the course of the years, but it's also a conversation I keep having with our oldest daughter. Our oldest daughter has been struggling with time management. She's getting so busy. Like we're just kind of entering that phase of like school's getting more intense, sports are getting more intense, um, piano is getting more intense. Like as she's growing and learning and developing, she's getting busier. And not to mention, like, social life matters more to her right now. Like, that's in play as well. And so all of these things are becoming a little overwhelming. And yes, she is our child who tends to be the warrior, and she does, you know, have a little bit more of an anxious brain, but but we have to have these conversations time and time again about time management because she all too quickly can feel like the weight of the world is on her shoulders and she has way too much to do and has to do, that everything takes priority, which is just making her feel extremely overwhelmed. And there are times when we do that as well. And so I thought, okay, let's talk about time management because it's been a topic of conversation in our home a lot lately. Let's talk about ourselves first and the type of people we are, okay? Because I feel like there's pros and cons to the type of people we are, and probably the type of people everyone everyone is, right? Um, we're the kind of people who kind of have a chronic light late problem. And I heard I saw this reel um a few weeks back, and honestly, it kind of bugged me. And the reason why it's not on my reshare, guys. It's not on my reshare because it bugged me.

SPEAKER_01 38:51

It offended you, it offended me.

SPEAKER_00 38:53

No, it didn't offend me, but it had like this guy on there, and he's probably, I don't know, he's famous or something. I don't know. I didn't know who he was, but anyways, he was he was going through an interview and he was saying how his biggest pet peeve is late people, to the point where he won't be friends with people who are late.

SPEAKER_01 39:13

Okay, so just a little extreme, a little extreme.

SPEAKER_00 39:16

Like that's a huge pet peeve of his, which that might be a pet peeve of yours. I don't know. But the comment, I was like, okay, I can tell that this is gonna ruffle some feathers. So I went to the comments and I went to the comments and I could see like everybody being like, well, what about blah, blah, blah, blah, blah? Like all the late people probably didn't know. Making excuses and making excuses, and then, and then the people who also hate late people, like backing them up, and like we're torn, you know. The comment section was torn.

SPEAKER_01 39:46

Late versus not late.

SPEAKER_00 39:48

Late versus like what are your thoughts? Yeah, what are your thoughts? Tell us. But so it was just kind of interesting as I was going in and looking at all of it, and so here's let me just explain myself, okay, a little bit.

SPEAKER_01 40:03

Let's hear your excuses.

SPEAKER_00 40:05

Let's hear my excuses. So I so we're kind of chronic late people. But here's what I'm not late to, though. Like rarely, and if I am, it's like within a couple of minutes is I I'm not really late to doctor's appointments. I'm not really late, I'm not late to interviews, I'm not late to, you know, like like professional settings. I'm not really late to those things. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 40:32

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 40:33

But I am late oftentimes to church. Like every time. We're late to church.

SPEAKER_01 40:40

Even when church starts at one o'clock.

SPEAKER_00 40:42

Yes, I get finished back.

SPEAKER_01 40:43

We're still those people.

SPEAKER_00 40:46

I'm late to church. I'm late to maybe a playgroup. I'm late to a friend's house. I'm late to a party. To a party.

SPEAKER_01 40:56

But that's on purpose. Because who wants to be the first one at the party?

SPEAKER_00 40:59

Yeah, so we'll have to help set up the tables. No.

SPEAKER_01 41:05

Gotta help do all the stuff. So show up late. Everything's set up already. People are there already. You're not having to like be one of the awkward ones at the beginning, like trying to socialize with like one person.

SPEAKER_02 41:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 41:19

Show up and people are already there. Things are going on, and no one's going to be able to do it.

SPEAKER_00 41:22

Well, here's here's people's argument, right? They they look at that. I think a big argument for people who hate late people is you're not respectful of people's time.

unknown 41:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 41:33

That's like that.

SPEAKER_00 41:34

And I get that. That's a big argument for people. But here's where I lean into a little bit more, okay? Is I okay. Here's the quote I go back to, and I believe it's Thomas S. Monson, and it says, never let a problem to be solved be more important than a person to be loved. I kind of stumbled, but never let a problem to be solved be more important than a person to be loved. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 42:07

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 42:08

So being a mom of kids, whether teens or toddlers or babies, right? Like I feel very conscientious of the fact that I don't want my kids to feel so rushed that I'm not hearing them, that I'm not listening to them. And they are, they are sometimes. Like there's times where we have to rush. Like, don't get me wrong. I can't just be like waiting on them all the time. But that being said, like I grew up, I was telling even my mom this that like my mom hates being late, but like she often was late. And it's just kind of like, anyways, it was kind of like that whole side of the family is just a little bit more late to things. But um, so when we were a little bit late to church, she hated it so much. So it's like start running, would have to like run inside the doors. Okay. But like as a kid, I always hated that. I always hate feeling so rushed that I had to run. And my dad probably didn't help the situation because he was like opposite, he'd just kind of strolling. His walking as my mom's running. And so they were a little torn that way. But I as a kid, I remember hating feeling rushed. Okay. So then now that I have my own kids, um, there are times when I do that, right? Where I'm like, we gotta go, we gotta go, we gotta go. Like, get your shoes on, we gotta go. And um I realized, especially with my oldest, and maybe just because her personality's always been like this, but like she was my oldest kid. And so I realized that my anxiousness was feeding into her anxiousness that, like, the way I was feeling so rushed and hurried and worried. Was thou then in turn making her feel more rushed and hurried and anxious to the point when when they were starting school, and my second child, who is so slow, she's like the opposite of the first child. It would make my oldest crazy. Where Livy would be like, Emily, hurry up! Like she's losing her mind. And I'm like, Livy, it's not that big of a deal. Like, we don't have to rush right now. Okay. And I guess the argument for a lot of people who hate late people is then wake up earlier. Just do it earlier, then you won't be that anxious.

SPEAKER_01 44:38

Start, yeah. I I guess I was gonna ask that question, like just to be devil's advocate a little bit. Because I am part of the same family. We have the same issues.

SPEAKER_00 44:47

Yes. You know, I be devil's advocate. Let's hear the side.

SPEAKER_01 44:51

So, yes, if you if you know that it takes you an hour to get ready.

SPEAKER_00 44:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 44:56

And church starts at one.

SPEAKER_00 44:58

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 44:58

Do you start getting ready at 12?

SPEAKER_00 45:00

Yes. No. The answer is earlier than that.

SPEAKER_01 45:04

The answer is yes, that's what we do.

SPEAKER_00 45:06

That's what we do.

SPEAKER_01 45:07

We know it takes us an hour to get ready for church. So we only start getting ready once it's 12 o'clock, right?

SPEAKER_00 45:13

But it starts at 1. So we're supposed to be there at like 12 40.

SPEAKER_01 45:18

So it's almost like why don't you mentally trick your brain, right? Say church is at 12 30.

SPEAKER_00 45:24

Because I cannot.

unknown 45:25

Here's the thing.

SPEAKER_00 45:26

I cannot do that.

SPEAKER_01 45:27

Get ready at 11 o'clock.

SPEAKER_00 45:30

No.

SPEAKER_01 45:30

So again, you get rid of the rushing feeling, like the like the having to, you know, make your kids anxious, right? And and you just do it earlier.

SPEAKER_00 45:41

Okay, let me explain to the people who don't understand late people what happens. What happens in this type of situation? We'll start getting ready at 11. We'll start getting ready at 10. But then I'm like, I have all this time. I'm gonna cook a whole breakfast for my entire family.

SPEAKER_01 46:01

Yes, that's what I like. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 46:04

I have all this time. I'm gonna paint my nails. I have all this time. Like, literally, like we at we fill in the time with other things. Or we're like, you know, I have all this time, I'm gonna sit in the shower for 30 minutes.

SPEAKER_01 46:20

But I guess the argument for these people that hate late people though, too, is like it's a mental thing. Like it's all a mental thing.

SPEAKER_00 46:27

You know, and you know what's also just like a mental thing is chronically late people. And I don't think you can trick your brain. It's just how we operate. Okay. This is just how we operate. But I guess the other argument people have is like, well, you're on time. See, this is my argument with you because you're on time to work, to meetings, to blah, blah, blah. But then we have to go somewhere and you're so late. Like, you don't care. So then it's a matter of like, you just don't care, you know, because you will be on time to those other things. Now, here's the thing when I'm on time to doctor's appointments, when I'm on time to things, it is sometimes at the expense of my toddler's feelings. Like, to be so honest, it is at the expense of like, Elsie, I don't care. You want to do your shoes by yourself. We're late, you're getting in the car, you know? Rather than me being like, oh, you know what? Yeah, do your shoes by yourself. Like sometimes I'm a I rush them more because I know like I have to. Where in other situations I'm like, You know you don't have to. I know I don't have to. And so therefore, I'm gonna choose my person.

SPEAKER_01 47:37

You know you're not gonna get tardy points at church. They're not gonna be like, oh, you can't come because you have too many tardies.

SPEAKER_00 47:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 47:44

So you take advantage of that and say, it's okay if we're late to church.

SPEAKER_00 47:49

Because they're gracious and they're if any of our kids' school teachers are hearing this, they do get tardy points.

SPEAKER_01 47:55

Oh, for school, yes. I'm talking about.

SPEAKER_00 47:57

And they're still late.

SPEAKER_01 47:58

They're still late. Yeah, whatever. Listen, but if you are as extreme as a you are a teacher listening to this, listen, our kids being late.

SPEAKER_00 48:07

It's Ruben's fault.

SPEAKER_01 48:08

It's not our kids actually get up on time and they make their lunches. They're like independently getting ready. That's not true. It's not always my fault. It is 50-50. They are, I come down here, there's they haven't made their lunches yet. They haven't.

SPEAKER_00 48:25

Oh my god. You know, it's their fault.

SPEAKER_01 48:27

It's not just all my fault.

SPEAKER_00 48:29

And mine. I guess I could make their lunches for them, but our kids are very listening they do their own, they wake up on their own, they make their own lunches, they fix their own hair, they get ready all by themselves.

SPEAKER_01 48:39

I mean, we're pretty lucky. Some people are probably like, man, you guys have an easy one.

SPEAKER_00 48:43

Listen, we're teaching them live skills. Okay. But you know what?

SPEAKER_01 48:47

They weren't like that by themselves. We taught them to do this.

SPEAKER_00 48:50

So by being lazy parents.

SPEAKER_01 48:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 48:54

Okay. Okay, but wait. I so I I remember, I remember because I know we have a problem. I know we have this problem. But I also pride myself a little bit in like not worrying too much about it. Not worrying too much about it because I know it will make me crazy. Like, I know it does make me crazy. Like to try to be on time all the time would make me such a high stress. Like, I'm already a high stress person. Like it would make me so high stress, it would not be good for my health or for the health of my children. Flat out. Like I have to learn to let some things go. And that means being on time to some things that you actually don't have to be on time for. Like it's actually not that big of a deal. Okay. It reminded me of a clip from Bluey, which Bluey is a great teacher. A clip from Bluey where Chili, the mom, is trying to get the girls ready to go to the park. And the girls are taking a long time. And the mom is like, oh my goodness, like, can you guys just focus and get ready so we can go to the park? Because there's people meeting us at the park. And the girls are just like doing their thing because kids don't have a concept of time. They don't understand. They don't get it, you know? And finally, the mom's kind of like, and the kid, and they, I think it's bingo is like, mom, why do we have to be on time? And she's like, I actually don't know. Like, maybe because it matters to this other person that we're on time. And so I feel bad like we should be on time because she's like waiting for us.

SPEAKER_01 50:31

Oh, that's good to teach them too.

SPEAKER_00 50:33

That is good to teach them. And then when she's communicated that, the blue and bingo were like, okay, we're ready. Like they were like, because they didn't understand time and they don't understand why you have to be on time. But when the mom took the time to like explain like why it might be important to be more on time to go to the park, then they were ready to get ready. But also the mom relaxed a little. And the mom was also like, okay, like we don't have to have to stress this to the extent that we are stressing it. But then also explaining that to the kids help them be a little bit more like ready to go and like respectful because it matters about people, right? But, anyways, so I like that little clip because it kind of showed both. Like it shows that it is important to show up if people are waiting for you. You do you should try to hurry and be there.

SPEAKER_01 51:23

Like, well, I I think it is important to respect people's time.

SPEAKER_00 51:26

100%.

SPEAKER_01 51:27

And I think that if we if you think about things in that way, like in the way of okay, this is someone, like, for example, church, right? This is someone who took the time during the week to prepare a lesson. And if I walk in during it, it might interrupt a lesson. Like if you're thinking about the other person, like you're more likely to be on time.

SPEAKER_00 51:49

But I think we have to communicate that with our kids, so then they understand. Yeah. But I think they need to understand that as well. Because I think too often, like, I'm just I'm just concerned about my kids in the moment, and I'm not at thinking about that other person as much, maybe. Yeah. And and because like at church setting, I'm like, what do they care? Like, because they're not just focused on me, they're not just waiting on me. I think that's why, like, I don't know, but I didn't, but if you think about like, oh, they took time to plan and prepare this lesson, like what you said, like, oh yeah, then that maybe gives you a paradigm shift of like, okay, why we need to show up.

SPEAKER_01 52:31

Like we got Gospel Essentials class, and there's only three people that go to that class.

SPEAKER_00 52:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 52:37

And like we're two of the three. You know, it's like, you know, okay, we should be on time for that, you know.

SPEAKER_00 52:43

Yeah. Okay. So I I saw this video. I saw I saw this video, or it was like, I don't know, a quote I heard. I don't remember. It was years ago. And it was saying how chronically late people tend to be more optimistic. And I think it stuck with me because it was validating me a little bit. It was like they tend to be optimistic. So I I just did a quick little search, and this is what I found, okay? About chronically late people are often more optimistic as they tend to believe that they have more time available than they actually do. So, for example, you tell me to get ready earlier, I do, but then I also am optimistic and I fit in more stuff.

SPEAKER_02 53:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 53:23

Okay. A phenomenon rooted in time-based prospective memory and the planning fallacy. They often view time more loosely, allowing them to focus on the present moment rather than worrying about strict deadlines. They often fall into the type B personality category, which is associated with being more relaxed, creative, and laid back. Um, so I I heard that and I was like, I feel like I already know I'm a type B person. I'm a type B person. And so when I heard that, I was like, yeah, this just fits me. It's almost like a personality trait for chronically late people. And so I think there also needs to be a level of grace there because people just operate differently, you know? And it could also be like ADD. Like ADD might make you late because you're bouncing off of things like ideas and like what you should do. Because you can't focus on what you can focus on what you're supposed to be doing, right? Um, so I think there needs to be a level of grace. Like when I saw that video of the guys like, I'm not gonna be friends with somebody because they're late. Like, I think that's too harsh. I think that's a harsh line. And honestly, if a person said that to me, I wouldn't want to be your friend anyway because that's too rigid for me.

SPEAKER_01 54:42

You're too uptight. You're for us.

SPEAKER_00 54:45

That's too rigid for me because I we I am a chronically late person, but it's not always about you and not being respectful to you. It's about my own issues that I have of what I how my brain operates and what I deal with and what I pack in.

SPEAKER_01 55:01

And also, so maybe what he's really trying to say is like, I I want to be friends with people that care about me and my time.

SPEAKER_00 55:08

Yeah, which I think that's fine, but I there's just gotta be a level of like, like if my friend is like setting up a party and is like worried about people coming and stuff, like I'll be there. I'll be there on time, you know. But if there's like if this is like, oh, it's a bigger event and whatever, like, I don't know. Oftentimes I'm late. Sometimes I hate that I'm late, but I just am, anyways. But it also fits my type B personality. So, for example, tonight I had Bunko night, and I remembered Bunko earlier in the day. And then it comes around to Bunko time, and my friend texts me and she's like, Hey, do you want to ride? Totally spaced in. And that's why I was late because I'm such a type B person. I'm just giving my girl a bath in the tub, enjoying our moment together. Forgot that I was going to Bunko. And then not only that, is I'm on my way, already late. I text the host, I'm like, sorry, I'm running late. Because honestly, we're lucky I even showed up at all because my type B self forgot. And then I'm on the way and I'm like, crap, I was supposed to bring the bunko bag.

SPEAKER_01 56:18

Oh, shoot.

SPEAKER_00 56:20

Like with all the stuff in it, with all the done.

SPEAKER_01 56:22

Literally, they're waiting for you.

SPEAKER_00 56:24

Literally, they're waiting for me. Didn't think about that till I am two minutes away from her house. And I'm like, by the time I go home and come back, I'm gonna be like 30 minutes late. Like, that's too late, you know? Like, we're supposed to already start.

SPEAKER_01 56:36

So, what did you do?

SPEAKER_00 56:38

So I call her and I'm like, I forgot the bunko bag. Like, I'm so sorry. She's like, uh, okay, let me look at my games and see what dice I have in here. Because you're supposed to have three dice per table. So a total of 12 dice. And so she's like, Let me see what dice I have. I'm like, if you have paper, I'll make something like I'm like, I'll figure it out, I'll make a cube, we'll make it work. Like, literally, I felt so bad. But I was like, but if I go home, I'm gonna be like 30 minutes late. Anyways, so that was a big fail.

SPEAKER_01 57:10

She's probably really mad at you still about that.

SPEAKER_00 57:12

She might be, but listen, I guess I'm a typey person, and I'm so sorry. And if I don't have friends who understand that or like can give grace for that, then they can't be my friends because I just am all over the place and it's just the way I operate sometimes. But that can allow for some fun and creativity, anyways. She found enough dice and was crappy.

SPEAKER_01 57:35

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 57:35

Okay, that was kind of that was that gives a glimpse into Riley.

SPEAKER_01 57:41

That kind of like off the rails. No, it was it's like, okay, definitely you're a little too far on the on the late side.

SPEAKER_00 57:50

Yeah, I was.

SPEAKER_01 57:51

Like, there's gotta be a balance.

SPEAKER_00 57:53

I was like 10 minutes late to Bunko, but so was other people, but I forgot the back. So, yes, that was really bad. That was really bad. I should probably set alarms for things more often, but I just am like in my brain, I think I'm gonna remember, and then I don't. Anyways, we're gonna talk about the opposite people, the people who are actually organized. We're gonna talk about on-time people. Okay. On time people, this is what it says. On-time people generally possess organized, conscientious, and disciplined personalities, often characterized as type A, who value planning and uh reliability. They're typically time conscious or time anxious, map out their days, anticipate time travel time, and see, I'd never anticipate travel time. Like, literally, I'm like Googling the travel time, like five minutes to leaving.

SPEAKER_01 58:48

Oh, five minutes. Okay, never mind.

SPEAKER_00 58:52

I'm like, shit. Anyways, um, and experience time as passing more quickly than others, often viewing punctuality as a uh crucial, respectful habit. Yeah, okay, those are type A people, and I would say, generally speaking, most people probably want to be type A people. It sounds better of the two.

SPEAKER_01 59:17

It does sound better. Like I we can make a lot of excuses.

SPEAKER_00 59:22

I'm not, but I'm not trying to make an excuse, it's just like how I am.

SPEAKER_01 59:26

I think, but I think you're just trying to say, like, give grace to those of us that are late. Be nice to those of us that are late.

SPEAKER_00 59:35

Okay. And if you can't handle it, I understand, but we just can't be friends.

SPEAKER_01 59:42

Well, that's that's extreme too. You can still be friends.

SPEAKER_00 59:45

No, I'm saying we can't, if they can't handle it, like that person, he's the one who said they couldn't be friends with people like us. I'm just saying, okay, fine. I guess we can't be friends because Yeah, but most people aren't like that guy.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:00

But yes, generally being on time is more respectful. And actually, I was raised that way too. Like my dad, he's always on time to everything, you know. Hey, I'm better than than you are.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:16

No, you're not. No, you're not. Literally, you're the same as me. You're on time to appointments that matter. I am too. I'm on time to appointments, I'm on time to things that matter.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:28

I think the only thing we're not on time for it is church.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:33

No, and parties and events. Oh, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:35

Parties. Yeah, but that's on purpose. That's not like we're trying to be like on purpose.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:39

Sometimes I'm real mad at you for being late.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:41

No, yeah, I'm purposely being late. That's on purpose.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:45

It's not like I'm That makes me mad at you for because people probably blame me and it's you who's doing it.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:50

No, no, listen, there are things. Okay, there are things that I'm purposely late to, parties, for sure. There are things that I'm just late to.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:59

What if nobody shows and the person's all like sad that like nobody's coming to a party? That's rude. You're on purposely late. I'm not on purpose.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:07

If I if I know I'm gonna be the only one there, then of course I'll be on time. But if I know it's a big party, why would why would I show up on time? Unless I'm like expected to like help set up, do all this stuff, then yes, like I should be there on time.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:21

Oh wait, can I say a thing about it?

SPEAKER_01 1:01:22

Wait, wait, I'm not done. Um there are things that I'm purposely late to, parties. There are things that I'm just late to, not trying to be due on purpose, and that's church. And then there are things that I'm actually on time for, like meetings, work, you know, uh professional things, right? So I think you choose what you're on time for. I think maybe there are people that want to be on time for everything. I think that's a little extreme.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:53

Well, that's what we're saying.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:54

Yeah, like but so okay, sorry, what were you gonna say?

SPEAKER_00 1:01:59

No, I was just saying, you know what we are good at though? Is we're gonna be the people who help clean. We linger too. Like, true, we might be late coming, but we're also there for the conversation, we're there for the cleanup, we're there for we're we're not as rushed in life, generally speaking. And I think that's uh can be a good thing too. Like we can truly, like it says, like live in the moment a little bit more, and I think that's a good thing to be able to live in the moment. Maybe we just need a balance, right? Because I don't I don't want it to be like, oh well, we planned a dinner at this time with just us, and we had can't miss that. It's like uh the grinch. He's like, dinner with myself, I cannot cancel that. Anyways, um, okay, that was just a little part of what I wanted to talk about because the main topic is time management. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:56

Okay, we spent a lot of time on that.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:58

We did, I know, but the main part is time management because I feel like this is a life skill that takes constant reevaluation and work. And I think even type A people struggle with this, right? Because we all struggle with this, whether you're type B or type A, time management. And I wanted to bring in one of my favorite books that I feel like is a book that I need to read every single year. This book is called Essentialism. Can you see that? Essentialism by Dave Nope, Greg. Oh, Greg.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:37

Greg McCowan.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:39

Essentialism by Greg McCowan. Okay. This is a great book. I feel like everybody should read. Almost, and I feel like you need the reminder like every year. But this book is great because his main focus is the importance of saying no to things that you don't want to do or do not benefit you, and only saying yes to the things that do. Okay. Which is kind of a broad thing, but he dives in deeper and about how we need to um realize that most things in life are trivial. So we need to get rid of the trivial many to focus on the essential few. And we can easily fill our lives and our days with trivial things that don't actually matter. You could fill it with, oh, I I said I'd come to the park. I have to be at the park. But you know what? If life happens, your kid's not having it, like you don't have to show up to the park. You can say, sorry, we're actually not gonna make it today. Because my kid does not want to go today. Like, that's a good thing, in my opinion. In my opinion, that is a trivial thing that is not essential. And you have to do what's most beneficial in that time. And maybe in that time, that's your your child and their feelings and emotions, and maybe they're too overworked and they can't leave the house at that moment, you know? Yeah, and so it's recognizing what can give, basically, what are what can be the trade-off, right? Yeah, and so it's reevaluating your life and the way you spend your time, and it comes down to we all have the same amount of time in a day, right? And so it's really prioritizing how you want to fill it, how you want to fill it, and prioritizing your time with things that truly matter. So if you make a list of things that are really important to you, maybe that's maybe that's exercise, maybe that's scripture study and prayer, maybe that's family dinner, right? Maybe there's like a few things on your list. And if some of these things keep getting pushed aside, but they're one of the few things that are actually. Actually essential, then you need to realize that a lot of those trivial things need to go so that you can make time for the essentials. Right?

SPEAKER_02 1:06:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:11

But it's a it's a really good book. Um, any thoughts on that?

SPEAKER_01 1:06:16

Uh I just thought about exercise. Like I feel like every year, like, man, you know, I really need to start exercising and start getting in shape. But then at the same time, I'm thinking, you know, why am I not doing it? Because it's it's not on my it's not on my list. It's not on my most important. Like, do I really care about it? Do I really care about it? Obviously, not enough. Obviously, not enough.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:47

No, but I I think sometimes maybe that is on your essential list, but you're filling your list with so many other things that it's not happening, right? Like, so so the idea, right, is that oh, there's this diagram, and maybe I'll put this diagram here. There's this diagram where we all are allotted like the same amount of like say we have this amount of energy, okay? We have like a certain amount of energy, and what happens is you picture a circle, okay, and if you are exerting your energy into many different things, right? You're you're you're making a minimal impact in a lot of different directions, right? Rather than exerting your energy to one thing, you're making a huge impact on that one thing. All your energy is going there. Okay. So instead of your your energy source looking like minimal effect with in a lot of different directions, it's small, instead, you have like a huge impact on one thing. Okay. So the idea is that it's also like a myth to be um to be able to do multiple things at the same time.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:02

You can't multitask.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:03

You can't multitask. That's like a myth. So you can't, if you are multitasking, you're not doing things well. You're not doing anything effective, you're not doing anything well. So if my priority is editing a podcast, and I am doing that while taking care of a toddler and a baby, I'm not doing either of those things well. I'm not editing well, and I'm not taking care of my kids well because I'm trying to edit, right? None of those things are are are progressing very well or very efficiently, or you know, none of my my attention cannot be at both places, right? So if I instead allot an hour in the day to edit, I can get a whole lot more done if I'm just focusing on that and leaving the kids with you in that time and just focusing on editing. And then when I am with my kids, I'm just focusing on them. That's way more beneficial than trying to do it together.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:05

Yeah, I agree. I agree. But I but I also I also agree that you do what you want to do. You do what you want. I can't remember the talk. There was uh there was a church talk that someone gave. I'll have to find it. But he basically talked about you you do what you want to do. Like if you really care about something and you really want it, you end up you will do it. No one forces you not to do anything, right? Like, like maybe exercise is not actually something that I care about. I mean, it is. It is, but uh it's not because I'm not doing it. Like I'm choosing to not exercise because I would rather do these other things, or I'd rather have the comfort of not exercising. Does that make sense? Like I feel like I mean, I don't really know where I'm going with this, but I feel like when you're trying to create this list of essentials, like how do you get yourself to actually make those things things that you want to do? Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_00 1:10:16

Do I get what it makes sense? But I feel like I don't wholeheartedly agree. I I see what you're saying, but I here's where I feel like a lot of us fall into this trap of distraction, of little things that take away our attention and our time. And maybe, yes, that's like what we are choosing in that moment to prioritize. But for example, um, I was listening to Diary of a CEO, and they were talking about the addictions of phones and um spending so much time on your phone. And the the device is created to be addictive, right? Like a lot of these social media platforms are created to be addictive. And as I was listening to this, one of the interesting things that they said is that you know how like when you're on Instagram or TikTok, like there's like that refresh button. Basically, you pull down and it like refreshes every your feed. Well, that was designed mimicking mimicking a slot machine. Did you know that? So the same kind of dopamine rush that's that you're getting from a slot machine, you're getting when you refresh, when you're like sliding, when you're refreshing, or even like just just uh scrolling, it's kind of it's mimicking that same type of dopamine hit of a slot machine. That slot machines are also addictive.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:45

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:46

And our phones, our devices and things are becoming so addictive that you're scrolling and you're spending time, and then you're like, whoa, I just spent like two hours scrolling my phone. And it's wasting all of that time. So maybe deep down your core value, you value exercise more than you do scrolling your phone. However, that is what you're choosing to do. Maybe, like what you said, like maybe it's more comfortable to sit and do that, right? That's what you're choosing to do. But I think when we acknowledge like all of this stuff that just fills our life, and a big one being like the distraction tool, um, you'd realize, like, wow, I actually have more time in my day than I realized. Like, there are times where I'm not, and I, and I feel like from doing purposeful toys, like I fall into this category of spending too much time on social media oftentimes, right? And I'm like, wow, when I just put my phone away for a while, I actually do have enough time to clean my house. But like sometimes it doesn't feel like I do because I'm so busy trying to edit and post and be on social media in between taking care of my kids. And so I'm not spending that time cleaning or doing those other things that like are important or that matter, right? And I just feel like I never have enough time. But maybe we actually do have enough time because we all have the same amount of time in a day, but we're like filling it with these trivial many rather than the the essential few.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:27

Yeah, I can agree with that. Yeah, and I and I feel the same way. Like I feel like there are times when I'm scrolling through my phone and I realize, what the heck am I doing?

SPEAKER_00 1:13:37

Yes, okay, we have to do that. What am I doing?

SPEAKER_01 1:13:39

Why am I just sitting here, right?

SPEAKER_00 1:13:41

I mean, there's people who are really good at not doing that, but I would say that's something that like I need to be aware of, and like we we all do, but I'm like, how are my kids like I we're millennials? Like, we didn't even have phones growing up, like we didn't have social media really in high school, even. And and like how our kids, our kids are set up to fail in this regard, you know, like they're set up to be addicted to these devices. And so if we don't protect them or like have really set clear boundaries with ourselves and model that behavior for them, and then have those clear boundaries for our kids, like they're gonna be set up to fail, yeah, you know, and to spend all of this time wasted. And and then that's where like time management is something we need to work on as well, right? Like, instead of like, okay, so here's an example is like our daughter, she was so excited about her Valentine's box that she was designing it, and she's like our also like very perfection child. And so she's taking her time designing and cutting and making it perfect, and she was spending so long on this box that it it was like midnight. It was like after soccer practice, she's spending all this time after midnight, and then she realized she's still at homework she had to do, but she designed the box before she do did her homework.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:14

When and we had to talk about priorities, we had to talk about what was the most important thing in that time. Like you had a she had a Valentine's box she could have used, but she wanted to DIY one from scratch, right? And so she chose to spend all her time doing that, and then it was like past midnight, and we told her, No, you're going to bed. So she's like, Okay, fine, I'm gonna set my alarm at five in the morning. Okay, she's 11 years old, and she's trying to set her alarm at five in the morning and get like four and a half hours of sleep. And she slept in through her alarm. She woke up in tears because she slept through her alarm. She's not getting her homework done. So because she's not getting her homework done, she thinks she can't go to this Valentine's things at school because she doesn't have her all her assignments turned in if she doesn't get her homework done. And she is like a mess. She is like in tears. And, you know, instead of just sending her to school, I allowed her to stay home and finish her homework. It really didn't take her that long. And then she went to school a little bit late with her Valentine's box. And and we had to have a big conversation about priorities. Like, you didn't have to spend all that time in that box. And we told you time and time again to be done, and she kept going, you know. And it was like, but we do that too. We do that too. We fill our lives with things that don't matter. So, going back to the story about Ruby, I regret spending time on purposeful toys that made me late for my daughter's field trip. Nobody cared if I posted a post on Instagram at a certain time of day, but I was doing it because of stupid analytics, and I thought it mattered, you know? Like it didn't actually matter. And what actually mattered in that moment was my daughter's field trip. And I was late because I was working. You know what I'm saying? Like, what actually matters in life? And I think we get in this mind trip of like, and I think it's partially the world trying to value busyness and being busy, and and busy equals success, and it really takes away from what actually matters, and what actually matters are is like people and your family and these things, you know. Some things we make a big deadline that isn't actually a big deadline. And in this book, he actually talks about how he had this work um meeting with a potential client, and they told him, like, his partner said, his wife was in labor. She was in labor. And he was like, his partner said, Oh, they will respect and value you for leaving for this meeting. They will see that you value this so much. You're leaving your wife that's in labor. And he's like, that was the biggest wake-up call because I left my wife and my brand new baby. I think she had had the baby, he was there for that, but it was like right after she had the baby and he left and went to this work thing. And he's like, the client did not respect me for leaving my wife. He was like, Why are you here? Yeah, you know, he's like, the client didn't respect me, and we didn't get the client after all. It was a pointless meeting, and I left my wife. And he's like, it just made me realize what was actually essential in that moment, and what truly mattered was my wife and my brand new baby. And if they didn't see that, then they're not the people I need to work for anyway.

SPEAKER_01 1:18:55

Yeah. And I feel like a lot of the like most successful people, there's there's a certain level where they where they start earning so much money. You know, you talked about work and stuff, but like the most successful people usually at some point realize that their time is limited, even though they've made all this money, and then they start to spend their money to get their time back.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:25

And I feel like sometimes we get in the trap too of just thinking, you know, we we need to spend more of our time to earn more money or to do these other, you know, non-essential things. And when really like even the wealthiest people realize like the time is what matters. Like that's your most important uh asset.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:47

And you can't get it back.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:48

And you can't get it back, and every minute that goes by is never coming back, right? Every moment you miss with your with your child, you're never getting back again, right? Like, and these are things that that that should matter the most, right? So it's hard to really grasp that in the moment of things, though, sometimes to realize that you know, that you know, there are times where you just need to focus on the most essential things, but I don't know. It's it's good to think about. Yeah, it's good.

SPEAKER_00 1:20:17

I think you always need to evaluate how you're spending your time and like adjust. That's why I love this book because I feel like it puts it in perspective and it's like a good reminder of like eliminated things that don't matter from your life and bringing in things that do. That's why I really like it. But I would also say I I heard somebody, I think it was a business podcast that was saying, like, um, you know, most people look at outsourcing as like an expense, you know, like hiring people to do things for you. For example, I would love somebody to help us edit, right? Like most people look at that as like an expense only. When you have to look at it as a out as an asset, like if it if it's gonna help you create more content, produce more work, right?

SPEAKER_01 1:21:04

Like essentially I have more time to do the the essential things that you can.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:08

That's an investment. That's an investment and it will bring a return, right? Like if you're if you're putting your outsourcing in smart ways, it brings a return. So for example, if you're outsourcing in a way that opens up time, right, it brings a return in time to be with your family, but also like to do more work. Like if I if I am outsourcing some of this, then like I can create more. I can do this better, you know? And so we there's certain things that we outsource and and that I feel like have really helped us. Like last year, and this is a whole thing, but last year with Purposeful Toys, I outsourced a little bit more. I had people helping me. I had a couple people working for me that would help me produce content on different platforms and that would help me like um create some of my like uh posts and things like that. And I made more that year than I had in any other year. And then because of that, I knew I could be successful with it. Purposeful Toys is no longer serving me in that way, and so now it's shifting and changing, but I know in order for this podcast to exist, I can't do as much with purposeful toys. And I think that's a smart move to realizing that there are some things that have to give for you to do what you feel is more essential. And right now it's this.

SPEAKER_01 1:22:34

So you feel like this is more essential than purposeful toys.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:37

I do right now, and I think that's clear to people. I think that's clear that that's where I'm putting my time and energy is into this podcast. Purposeful toys is still here, but purposeful toys is transforming and it's no longer um the same as what it used to be, it's changing. But I think we also fall victim to the idea that life just happening to us rather than life happening for us.

SPEAKER_01 1:23:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:23:06

That like we are actually in control of how we choose to spend our time and energy. And I think sometimes we feel like we have no choice in the matter. And that we have to remember like we are agents to ourselves, like we have the ability to choose.

SPEAKER_01 1:23:25

We have the ability or uh was it Elder Bednar that said we're agents to act, not objects to be acted upon, or something like that. Yes, yes, I don't remember the exact quote, but basically the gist is like we control, we can control what happens in our life, we can control the time that we put into whatever it is we we want to do. And like you said, like we don't have to let life happen to us. We can we can make life happen how we want it to be.

SPEAKER_00 1:23:52

Yeah, and I mean, I mean, yes, life happens. We're not saying like life, like hard stuff doesn't happen and like we're in control of everything. We're not saying that, but how we respond and what we choose to do with it, we are in control of, right? And this this matters to me so much in that that's the whole reason why purposeful toys was called purposeful. Like before we had purposeful toys, I had like a family motto that was live purposefully, and we like put it on our wall and stuff. And and the it tied down to a couple scriptures that I like that was act rather than be acted upon. And yes, like what we just said, like to remember that to live with intention, to like do what you're doing purposefully and intentfully, because um, otherwise life will just you're just accepting whatever falls your way. And I think an important skill in time management is realizing that like you have the ability to choose how you spend your time and being bold enough to stand up for yourself. You know, he also talks about like, you know, people who tend to say yes to everything or accept work from everyone, like if like say in a work setting where somebody's like adding on jobs to you and you just feel like you have to say yes all the time.

SPEAKER_01 1:25:20

He's like, Yeah, I'm one of those people.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:23

Yeah, he says, have the ability to say no. You will be respected and you will get more done in what you need to get done. If it is not an essential part of your growth and your work, then say no and and focus on what does need to happen because that's again going back to that graph, if your energy in the right way will make far greater progress progress than your energy in multiple small ways.

SPEAKER_01 1:25:52

Amen. We all need to do better, we all need to do better. I agree. I think uh this is good. I mean, I I've gotta evaluate my life. I've listened to it, I've I've done the audiobook, but it's been probably five years since I've listened to the book.

SPEAKER_00 1:26:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:26:13

So definitely, I think the audiobook is is great. I think we listen to the code.

SPEAKER_00 1:26:16

I love his accent.

SPEAKER_01 1:26:18

He has like a Australian accent or something, or British accent. Is it British? I thought it was Australian.

SPEAKER_00 1:26:24

Anyways, it's a great book.

SPEAKER_01 1:26:27

Listen to it, read it. Um, we're gonna do the same. I think we need to reevaluate like it's things I spend my time on. I think the big one is obviously the phone, you know.

SPEAKER_00 1:26:39

Yeah, the phone takes so much of our time.

SPEAKER_01 1:26:41

Oh, this is the other thing cutting that itself would open up so much time. Open up so much time. And I feel like open up our minds to like what else we can do.

SPEAKER_00 1:26:54

Yeah, and if you go to that CEO podcast too, where they talk about phone use and the addictive behaviors of it, like it's also showing like how it's like diminishing our attention spans and and it's really ruining our brains.

SPEAKER_01 1:27:10

We have ADD now, it's ruining it's always kind of had ADD, but it really is.

SPEAKER_00 1:27:17

And they say, like, in order for something to help your attention span, you're supposed to listen to it at for at least 10 minutes. Listen, read, or do something for at least 10 minutes. And the way social media is set up is like 90 minutes, top three minutes. Like it doesn't reach that 10 minute to help your brain and your cognitive development to continue to function properly. And so what it's doing is diminishing our attention spans. He also said that's why podcasts are so great, because they're typically longer than 10 minutes.

SPEAKER_01 1:27:49

See, that's why you should listen to this podcast. We're helping your attention spans. And if you've made it this far, thank you for listening. I feel like this is bad too, because we're We're like every time we talk about something like this, we're like committing to things.

SPEAKER_00 1:28:06

It's good for us. I just had this little thought that there's such a thing as decision fatigue. And if you have too many decisions to make, it becomes extremely overwhelming, and then you're not good at managing your time. And it made me think about a good thing about you wearing the same clothes every day, is it helps eliminate decision fatigue? So it's smart. Good job.

SPEAKER_01 1:28:29

But what does it have to do with time management?

SPEAKER_00 1:28:32

Because you don't have to spend time planning your outfit.

SPEAKER_01 1:28:35

Yeah, right. I've been doing this on purpose.

SPEAKER_00 1:28:38

So, like another thing for decision fatigue is like, or being smart about it is like eating the same kind of meals for breakfast and lunch and dinner. Like you already know what you're gonna eat.

SPEAKER_01 1:28:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:28:50

It eliminates decision because truly, decision fatigue, when I feel it the most, it's when I'm thinking about what to make for dinner.

SPEAKER_01 1:28:57

And if I have a couple things on rotation, but if you're good at time management, you plan that the week before.

SPEAKER_00 1:29:03

Yeah. And when I don't do that, it's like super stressful instead of relying of relying on doing it the moment of. Yeah, don't do it.

SPEAKER_01 1:29:11

Thanks for joining us for some R time with Ruben and Riley. Make sure to leave us a comment, review, give us a like, follow, and also give us your tips on how we can manage our time better. We are definitely not the best at this. Um, hopefully some of you can relate, but those of you that are good at managing your time, what do you do? How do you how do you manage your time with kids, with events? Give us the tips. We need them. That's it. Peace.