Words Matter: Bullying, moving, and raising mixed race kids

In this episode Ruben and RyLee talk about the power of words, their move from Las Vegas to Utah, and the realities of raising mixed race kids. A real conversation about bullying, identity, and raising empathetic, kind humans.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:05

Welcome back, everybody. It's been a while.

SPEAKER_04 0:10

You got this.

SPEAKER_00 0:12

All right, everybody. It's been a while since you've seen us, but welcome back to R Time with Ruben and Riley, where we talk about marriage, parenting, have a little weekly event session, and yeah.

SPEAKER_05 0:26

So thanks for being here. And I am sure you have missed our faces and most especially our voices. Because it's been a bit. Let's just explain where we've been the last little bit, okay? Because we went house hunting in Utah. So currently we live in Las Vegas, Nevada, and we have loved it here. We've been here for the past seven years. And now we are moving back to our home state of Utah.

SPEAKER_00 0:58

Little Utah.

SPEAKER_05 0:59

Good old Utah. But we're moving to an area that, I mean, I guess we kind of lived in this area once for a year, but not right in this area that we're looking to move. So truly, it's all new. And we went there for spring break with our kids, and we were kind of looking at what area we want to live in and get a feel for things. And it was very overwhelming. There's a lot.

SPEAKER_00 1:26

Very overwhelming. So we haven't recorded anything in a while, and a lot of it has to do with that, you know, just life getting busy. And um, man, we we could come up with all the excuses, I guess. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:39

But honestly, I feel like the mental and emotional toll from that trip has just been weighed on us, weighing on us for a week. Um, and so it just took a while for us to like record again because I'm just a little overwhelmed. How are you feeling?

SPEAKER_00 1:58

Yeah, same. I mean, I think what was it the other night? I would laid down. I was like, look, do you want to just make this the Riley podcast? Because I feel like you talk, you talk the most anyways, and we're the most interesting. So I'm good if we want to just the people do not want that.

SPEAKER_05 2:18

We want Ruben. Riley could talk less. It's just that's probably.

SPEAKER_00 2:22

It's just in the moment. Sometimes we're like, do we really want to do this?

SPEAKER_05 2:26

You know, well, I think the hard thing is right now, which that's okay, is truly this is our only time to do it. We keep saying, like, we the only time to do it is after our kids are all sound asleep. And and then it takes us a minute because after they're sound asleep, we do a little of the like, whoo, like let's just relax for one second. And then we're like, okay, let's do the podcast. So we set up everything set up. Yeah, it's like 11 p.m. when we get going. And it just takes a lot of effort and energy and mental energy and effort. But we are back, guys, and we're gonna try to be more consistent. But you know, give us some grace as we are transitioning with moving. Uh, Ruben's out of town a lot for work, so sometimes that also plays a role into this. It's hard to find a time together. We even considered while he was out of town last week, trying to film over like a remote podcast. Remote podcast.

SPEAKER_00 3:24

Like over, yeah, remote podcast.

SPEAKER_05 3:26

And just like the audio and the visual, it just was not the best. We were like, you know what, he's here every weekend. We just need to figure out time, but um, we've just been a little bit more.

SPEAKER_00 3:37

I mean, our last our last our last podcast was on time management, right? And it's like we're still we're still figuring it out, obviously. And um, we're definitely not the experts, but nope, but these are things that that we do want to work in on. And truthfully, you are doing all the work behind editing, posting on Instagram and TikTok, and let's be fair.

SPEAKER_05 4:00

I did like all the work with the house hunting too, because Ruben had to work. And just the mental load of it all, I think I just had a little crash out.

SPEAKER_00 4:10

So it's been a lot.

SPEAKER_05 4:13

Let's go.

SPEAKER_00 4:14

But we're here because you know what? We're doing this for you guys. No, I'm just kidding. No, we're not. We're doing this. Well, it goes back to why we were actually doing this, you know.

SPEAKER_05 4:24

Well, I actually feel like we've there's been a little bit of a like lull in our relationship, too. Like, truly, this helps us. It does, it's good for us. But I do think that people kind of like it. You would you like it. You like it. So we're also doing it for you. Um, all right, let's start out with our sweet and salty Ruben.

SPEAKER_00 4:45

Yeah, well, I'll start off with salty, I guess. We already talked about a little bit, but house hunting, being, you know, I guess that was mine. House hunting and also not really finding something that we completely love to kind of make the jump into actually buying right now. Um, you know, I I feel like we we accomplished what we needed to when we went to Utah. We we found that I guess the city that we feel like we need to move to, but not really the home. So that's been a little stressful. Um, and so yeah, I guess that's that's my salty, is not really knowing even now, like exactly what house we're gonna live in. But that's that's my salty.

SPEAKER_05 5:27

Yeah, I feel like this space in between of like the actual big move happening and us knowing and trying to transition to that is a hard space to be in because there's so many unknowns still, and we're figuring it all out, and we want to start moving, like and packing and things, but there's only so much we can do right now, like we can't do too much yet. And so I don't know. It not finding a place was a little discouraging for me, but we went into it thinking we wanted to rent, and then when we got there, we're like, actually, maybe we do want to buy, maybe that's the best move. So we were looking at houses to buy, and then at the end of the week, we were like, no, you know what, we think renting's better. Because here, when we moved to Vegas, we had never lived here. We rented for a year, and then we bought a house, and it was like the best thing to get a feel for the area. So we went back to like, okay, actually, we don't really know the city, and we're going off of everyone's word of mouth of what like neighborhoods are good. And so maybe it will be good to just rent for a bit before we decide to buy a house. So now we're looking at rentals, but the problem with that is most are available right now, and we're not moving for like another month, and so we're kind of a month and a half, and we're not gonna have to do that. Yeah, so we're looking, but it's not really doing anything, it's kind of a waste of time right now.

SPEAKER_00 6:54

Yeah. Yeah, and maybe we're just overthinking a little bit, but I feel like we really want to make a good decision and make a good choice, and yeah.

SPEAKER_05 7:03

And then and then that comes with like this, like what we did today is we went to low lows and we're trying to figure out what to do with this house because we are keeping this house, so we have to do some renovations, fix up some things, repaint the whole house, and get quotes on a couple things. So that's a lot of work too. Yeah, so mental load is high.

SPEAKER_00 7:26

I claim that salty since I was first, so wow.

SPEAKER_05 7:30

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 7:31

What's yours?

SPEAKER_05 7:32

Oh my gosh, you know what my salty is? Is I freaking got food poisoning. I got food poisoning last week.

SPEAKER_00 7:39

You ate fake meat.

SPEAKER_05 7:40

Oh my gosh. Okay, this is your first sign when the meat is gray. Don't eat it. I looked at it and I was like, I'm not even sure this is meat. And I still ate it.

SPEAKER_00 7:51

It was like a microwave hamburger.

SPEAKER_05 7:53

Well, that's yeah, it's like they did not grill this. So happy. So, okay, there's always a concession stand at the soccer fields, but when we practice, we hardly ever buy from it. But Ruben was out of town and I had all the kids, and we had to be there for three hours because we had two practices back to back. And I have five kids, so that's a lot of kids. So I was like, you know what? We're just gonna do dinner here at the soccer field. And so we went over to that concession stand and I bought some hamburgers and hot dogs. Well, I was only actually the only one who had a hamburger. The other, the girls had hot dogs, and the hamburger I got it, and literally the meat was gray. And I was like, what? This is not like a real hamburger. And I was like, you know what? Maybe it's like a microwave one. I was trying to justify it in my brain, but I was hungry and I was like, this is dinner, and I just spent like 40 bucks on this garbage, and um I ate it, and that night I felt it like oh, I felt so sick.

SPEAKER_00 8:54

Like three, three days after, even like you were feeling it.

SPEAKER_05 8:57

I was feeling sick for days, and so like I still am not a hundred percent. This was last Thursday, so I don't know, like how many days is that? Four, four days ago, five. It was only Thursday, it was on Thursday.

SPEAKER_00 9:12

Oh wow, okay.

SPEAKER_05 9:13

So it's been it's been a bit, and that was pretty sucky. So that was my salty. It was not fun. So don't eat the meat there, guys. You if you're from Vegas, you know what I'm talking about. Okay, now for your sweet. What do you have?

SPEAKER_00 9:33

All right, sweet. Um, okay, well, we went to Utah, we were house hunting. Um, we did do something fun. We went to the zoo. Yeah, that was that was sweet. Hogel Zoo in Salt Lake City, Utah.

SPEAKER_05 9:45

Um we love the Hogal Zoo.

SPEAKER_00 9:47

We love Hogal Zoo. We've had a lot of people.

SPEAKER_05 9:48

But also, like maybe, yeah, maybe the nostalgia. Like, I don't know if out of state people would be like, oh, this zoo is so cool, but we love it.

SPEAKER_00 9:56

But it was uh what was it? It was actually Elsie's first time going to a zoo, right? Like uh other than the like the hot lion habitat here in in Nevada. Yeah, she's been to that, but like in actual uh as far as actual zoos go with lots of other animals, Elsie hasn't been to a zoo. Yeah, I don't think she has.

SPEAKER_05 10:15

So that was like probably her first time like seeing monkeys and giraffes and stuff, like in real life, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:22

And so my sweet is that she loved it so much.

SPEAKER_05 10:25

It was so fun.

SPEAKER_00 10:26

Um, and she was just so excited to see the animals, and you know, I was just thinking like the zoo is in and anything, honestly. Disneyland, Disney World, like all of those things are just better with kids. Like we've gone by ourselves before, it's just fun, it's fun, right? Like our honeymoon, our honeymoon. We went to the San Diego Zoo. Yeah, that was fun, and uh that was fun, but to see through a child's eyes, to see through a child's eyes to go there and uh be with kids at places like that. I I feel like it's just makes it better. Like I didn't truly like Disneyland until we went with Livy and she was old enough to like appreciate Disneyland. Like that was like the best time ever. And then ever since then, I'm like, yeah, I love Disney when we get to go with our kids.

SPEAKER_05 11:14

I I like to go just the two of us. Listen, yeah, that'll be it will be fun. So much fun. Well, if you are not enjoying Disney, you are doing it wrong. There's a way to do Disney, and if you don't like it, if you've had bad experiences, you're just doing it wrong.

SPEAKER_00 11:30

You're a hater.

SPEAKER_05 11:31

You're a hater.

SPEAKER_00 11:32

Fix yourself or something.

SPEAKER_06 11:35

Get a new perspective.

SPEAKER_00 11:37

No, I Disney's magic. I think I think going to Disney with just us would be fun for sure.

SPEAKER_05 11:43

We would have so much fun.

SPEAKER_00 11:44

We would have a lot of fun. But I feel like I didn't have a good attitude about Disney until I had kids.

SPEAKER_05 11:51

Yeah, but that being said, this next time we're going to Disney, we're leaving else, we're leaving the babies and we're taking just the big girls so we can do all the big rides.

SPEAKER_00 12:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 12:00

Yeah. Which will be fun too. But the magic is in like the little ones.

SPEAKER_00 12:05

The magic is in the little ones when they see the characters and their faces light up. Like, that's what makes it fun.

SPEAKER_05 12:12

So my suite was we had our scripture study group last week, and I've loved hosting it. It's been so fun. But the reason why it's a little bittersweet is because um it's probably the last one before we move. And that made me a little sad realizing, oh my gosh, like this is probably the last one because it's called Inklings and it follows our general conference sessions. So we have a new session coming up this weekend. And so there'll be a new study guide for this scripture study group. Um, and like I probably won't be here. I mean, I'll probably be here for the beginning of it, but I don't know. That'll be too hard to host because we'll be moving and stuff. Anyways, yeah. I just love having friends over. I love like we eat, we read the scriptures, we talk about our experiences, um, talk about Jesus and get to connect with each other on a little bit deeper level. We have kids come and play and stuff. But anyways, that being said, this is my plug for if you're in the Lehigh, Utah area and want to join my next scripture study group because I need a group, or if you have one already. Um, I need to get one going there, but I have no friends. Just kidding, I do. I have a few friends over there, but not very many.

SPEAKER_00 13:32

So it's also a time for you to drink dirty sodas.

SPEAKER_05 13:37

Yeah, obviously.

SPEAKER_00 13:38

Which is a very Utah thing. So you've kind of like It's fabulous.

SPEAKER_05 13:42

I stock up, guys. I have all the sodas, I have the the different mix-ins, the different syrups to build your soda. We have snacks. Food who doesn't want food and soda and Jesus? Like, truly. Nothing better. If that doesn't scream food, soda and Jesus.

SPEAKER_00 14:03

Maybe you should maybe should call your group that food, soda. Soda soda and Jesus.

SPEAKER_05 14:07

Maybe that should be a different podcast. A little food, soda, and Jesus.

SPEAKER_00 14:13

You can start one with your friends.

unknown 14:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 14:17

Anyways, I'm gonna need a new group. So because I love it. That's fun.

SPEAKER_00 14:24

I love that for you.

SPEAKER_06 14:29

I don't think you've ever said that before.

SPEAKER_00 14:34

I'm just trying to be supportive. It's very great.

SPEAKER_05 14:38

You he also benefits from having the soda on him.

SPEAKER_00 14:42

Yeah, I drink it.

SPEAKER_06 14:44

You love that for you.

SPEAKER_00 14:48

All right, let's move into our next phase of the podcast, which is wait.

SPEAKER_05 14:54

That's interesting. We love this section.

SPEAKER_00 14:59

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, one of my thoughts, okay. I I was watching a reel that came across my feed on Facebook. The comedian. Um, and he was just up there, and when someone from the audience shouts, how do I kill a kid who's bullying myself? Maybe we can't kill it. Okay, don't say killing. She was just asking advice, right? Like, how what do I do? There's a kid that is bullying my son. What do I do? And and he and he responded, he, you know, in some sarcastic way. Um, but uh, the thing that he said that I thought was interesting and and something good to think about is he said, Well, at least he's not the bully, right? And he's like, and he's like, that would be worse. If your kid was the bully, that would be worse, right?

SPEAKER_05 15:46

Actually, that that one little line kind of made me a little emotional. Because if that were me, if I was the mom asking this question, and he said that it kind of stops you dead in your tracks to be like, Yeah. Yeah, I'd rather that.

SPEAKER_00 15:59

Yeah, I'd rather be the kid that gets bullied because a lot of times the kids that bully are insecure about something and they're jealous about something that the something of the person that they're bullying.

SPEAKER_05 16:14

Or I would say they have a really rough home life.

SPEAKER_00 16:19

Right.

SPEAKER_05 16:19

Yeah, and they're projecting.

SPEAKER_00 16:21

They're projecting, and and I think as a child, it's hard to understand that. It's hard, or you don't they don't understand that. Children don't understand, you know, that that these bullies are coming from a place of just coming from a bad place. They're not being raised right, or or they're just very insecure about themselves. And and I feel like once you get older, you start to realize that. But in the moment, you know, and just like he said, at least your kid's not the bully. Like you you're doing a pretty good job as a parent where your kid is is kind and he's not the one bullying other people.

SPEAKER_07 16:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:56

He he's secure enough in himself that he's not gonna go and be mean or unkind to other people, right? And so good on that mom for for raising her kid to not bully. And unfortunately, there's kids out there that you can't control and and who unfortunately have home lives that are not great or circumstances that are not great, a lot of times out of not out of their own fault, but you know, unfortunately that's just how it is, and you can't control other people. Um, but at least you can control your own child and and teach them not to be the bully, right? And he says, you know, and he goes on and he's like, Look, I know it's tough. It's tough, you know, but your kid's gonna learn to have more empathy. He's gonna learn to to be kinder to others, you know, he's gonna realize that this kind of sucks being bullied, but also have empathy towards those that are also being bullied, right? And going through hard things. So there is a silver lining to it, and at least at least he's not the actual bully.

SPEAKER_05 17:56

Yeah, you know. But I really love that one line he said.

SPEAKER_00 18:00

He can't have an easy life and a great character. I mean, I there is a lot of truth to that. Yeah, obviously it's a lot of things.

SPEAKER_05 18:09

Because if challenges bring about the empathy, challenges bring about, you know, kindness and challenges build character, understanding, and building character and human connection. Like I thought that line in particular is pretty profound because um because I do feel like with my own personal challenges, like there's things I would not change because it's changed who I am, right? It's like transformed me in certain ways because of that difficulty. And I think that's a good thing. And there's things that you can't save your kids from. There's life experiences you can't save them from. All you can do is help them navigate it and walk with them through it. But those life experiences are what shape them into pretty amazing people.

SPEAKER_00 19:02

Well, that's the other thing. That's the other analogy he gave, right? He says you can't pave the forest for him. You can't helicopter parent and pave the forest for him. You've just got to teach him how to walk through it.

SPEAKER_02 19:13

Yeah. Right?

SPEAKER_00 19:13

Like guide him through the forest. You're not gonna cut down all the trees and just make it this easy path for him. You've gotta you've gotta help him maneuver it, you know?

SPEAKER_07 19:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:23

And so I think that's great advice, you know.

SPEAKER_05 19:26

I think a lot of people provide them with the tools so that they're capable of knowing how to handle tough, hard situations, whether social, physical, emotional, whatever.

SPEAKER_00 19:37

Right. I think it's so easy for us to to like try to come to the rescue of our children and make life easy for them and do things for them, you know. Um but it's it's not serving them, it's not serving their future self. Actually, that was another video that he had, same guy he talked about. He's like, you can serve them now or you can serve their future self, basically.

SPEAKER_05 20:04

Um there's a balance, right? Like, we're not saying don't show up for your kids and let them figure it out.

SPEAKER_00 20:11

We're saying, Yeah, you know, like don't do everything for them.

SPEAKER_05 20:14

Yeah, don't do everything for them because they they need to develop and learn and grow. And I think that's how God works. Like, I think God is like, listen, this is why I gave you agency. This is why I let you choose. Because there are things that will shape you and help you develop and learn and grow as you're walking through it. But I'm here. Like, call on me, lean on me. I'm here.

SPEAKER_00 20:39

Sometimes he he knows that we're going in the wrong path.

SPEAKER_02 20:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:43

And he's like, okay, just let you go.

SPEAKER_02 20:46

Let's see.

SPEAKER_00 20:47

You will figure it out, you know, and we we will you will learn more by going down that wrong road sometimes.

SPEAKER_05 20:54

Yeah, oftentimes the the the wrong path, well, I'd say most of the time, either the wrong path or the really hard situation is what draws you closer to him. And so he allows for those things to happen because ultimately it develops us even more in spiritual, deeper ways.

SPEAKER_00 21:11

Yeah. You know, I was kind of thinking about this is kind of a little off topic, but um, and this is probably could be a whole nother topic, you know, of parenting. Um, one of the things I was thinking of is how adamant you have always been in raising our kids on not doing the art project for them.

SPEAKER_07 21:31

Yeah, I never do.

SPEAKER_00 21:33

I was always like, okay, let me help you get it right. Like, let me let me do this for you, let me cut it out for you, let me draw this for you, type of a person. And you've always been like, No, let them do it. Like, even if it looks bad.

SPEAKER_06 21:47

It's pretty janky sometimes.

SPEAKER_00 21:49

And I'm like, Oh man, no.

SPEAKER_05 21:51

But they but but as long as they have all of the things that are listed in the what's the syllabus, you know?

SPEAKER_00 21:59

Right.

SPEAKER_05 22:00

Like they checked all the boxes.

SPEAKER_00 22:02

Yeah. And and it's like you've always been like just just let them do it how they want to do it, as long as they meet the minimums, right? It's like yeah, they feel more accomplished accomplished, they feel like they they truly did it themselves. And I've always been like, no, let's get this make it looking good, you know. And I think honestly, most parents are like that, right? Like they yeah, they do the art project for the colour.

SPEAKER_05 22:26

Well, it's almost like they take it like as a reflection on them, which is silly because you know, like I feel like coming from a teacher's standpoint, like you know when the parent did it and when the kid did it, you know? And I don't think it earns you more points in the long run if a parent does it and it's more perfect. Truthfully, for me, I'm like, I love to see the kids doing it, you know, and a family project I think is good. I think there's good in like working together and being, you know, collaborative about it. I think that's that's a good thing, but I'm not saying, I'm not saying that, but I do, I do encourage them to do it their own. And it reminded me of this video I saw today, and it's kind of going back to that confidence discussion we had, but it said competence leads to confidence. And so when what happens when they do their own projects is it gives them competence, and so the next time a project arrives, they are competent and confident because they're like, I've already done this, and I did pretty well, I can do that again, and they're very scrappy, they go in the recycle bin and they put together something.

SPEAKER_00 23:30

Yeah, they're very creative. Right, like well, we it went from like gaining the experience on their own, but I was like thinking of the whole art thing, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 23:46

Because I feel like that's we can start doing that in in small ways, even with young kids, right? It's like it comes down to like not gluing on the eyes for them, the googly eyes. Let them try to figure it out.

SPEAKER_00 23:57

It doesn't have to like be these huge experiences that they have to have, right? It's like it's the little things too, as well. You okay? Yeah, I was just sneezing. So and oh man, I think kind of going off on this topic of of parenting and not doing things for your kids. The other thing that came to my mind, because I was I also saw something else that talked about uh Eagle Scouts.

SPEAKER_05 24:22

Oh yeah. Explain what that is for people who don't know.

SPEAKER_00 24:26

Um, Boy Scouts of America. Um Eagle Scout is the highest, it's the top rank uh honor or badge that you earn as you go through the Boy Scout program. And um and when I was younger, it's not it's not part of our church anymore. Our church used to collaborate with the Boy Scouts of America and and do the Boy Scout program as part of our youth program in church. And so, you know, we were very involved, went camping a lot, went hiking a lot, we did a lot of merit badges, a lot of different things. It was great, fun time. Um but the expectation was always get your eagle. Like that was always the ultimate goal. The ultimate goal for every young man was to get their Eagle Scout badge.

SPEAKER_02 25:11

Um I'm just thinking of up right now, and that little boy. Can I help you walk your yard?

SPEAKER_04 25:19

Gotta help you walk something, whatever you say.

SPEAKER_00 25:22

And and it was obviously an expectation of from my parents that I get my Eagle Scout. Spoiler, I did not get my Eagle Scout. I think I was like two merit badges short.

SPEAKER_05 25:33

But oh, you were like really close.

SPEAKER_00 25:35

I was super close, like two merit badges and a s and uh and uh and you do a service project at the end.

SPEAKER_05 25:40

Yeah, like a 10-hour service project or something.

SPEAKER_00 25:43

Yeah, I can't I can't remember, but I was super.

SPEAKER_05 25:45

Because I helped my brother do his.

SPEAKER_00 25:47

But the thing is, is you have to if you really want to get your Ego Scout, you need to do it before you turn 16. Because once you turn 16 and you can drive and you can start hanging out, you know, driving yourself places. I feel like that was the age where it became harder to be committed to it.

SPEAKER_02 26:01

I mean, you could do it. You could do it, you have to do it before then.

SPEAKER_00 26:05

No, you you have until you're 18 to get it. But truthfully, if you go past the age of 16 and haven't gotten it, your chances of getting your Eagle Scout go down quite a bit. That's true.

SPEAKER_05 26:16

A lot of people Is that a made-up statistic?

SPEAKER_00 26:18

It's not a made-up statistic. But if you ask anyone that got their Eagle Scout, ask them what age they got at most, got them at 15, 16, 14, 15, 16. Um and I feel like that was a good idea.

SPEAKER_05 26:32

That's when the parents were able to push them more.

SPEAKER_00 26:34

Yeah, parents were able to be more influential, influential, um, and help their help their kids get their Eagle Scout. But what I was thinking about that is is almost every person that I knew that got their Eagle Scout, at least in my group, I would say their moms got it for them.

SPEAKER_04 26:52

The mom got the Eagle Scout.

SPEAKER_00 26:55

You know what?

SPEAKER_05 26:55

That mom did not get a badge.

unknown 26:57

Rude.

SPEAKER_00 26:58

I mean, I'm not saying I I have a wonderful mother. I do. I don't want to discount my mom at all. But she didn't help me with my my eagle stuff. Which is good. My boy scouts.

SPEAKER_02 27:10

You know what?

SPEAKER_05 27:11

You know, and you've learned to figure things out on it.

SPEAKER_00 27:15

She really, she really wanted me to get it, but she was screwing it up. She wasn't gonna do it for you. She didn't do any of it for me like my my these other kids' moms did, honestly. Like they earned it, but really their mom set it up for them. So I don't know. Maybe I'm just salty because I didn't get my eagle scalp.

SPEAKER_06 27:33

Yeah, you are salty. He's projected, guys. If you got your ego scout, congratulations.

SPEAKER_00 27:39

How far I got on my own.

SPEAKER_06 27:40

It's one of Ruben's life regrets.

SPEAKER_00 27:43

The other thing is they said that, you know, they always told us, this will look good on your resume.

SPEAKER_02 27:48

Oh, yeah, nobody cares.

SPEAKER_00 27:50

Nobody cares. Sorry. Sorry, Eagle Scouts. No one cares that you got your ego, honestly.

SPEAKER_05 27:57

People probably do now. It's probably less common. It's you know okay.

SPEAKER_00 28:01

I will say this getting your Eagle Scout, it going through that journey. I guess it does show the hard work and the commitment, at least your mom's commitment in you put into getting it. So I guess that's a good thing. But truthfully, I've looked at tons of resumes and no one puts Eagle Scout on their resume.

SPEAKER_05 28:21

So it's funny. Oh, speaking of all of this, can I just say um my sister, she helped her son do a poster for his science project, and it was cute. It was like definitely a family event. Like the like her husband helped build this um like catapult thing with her with their son, and then she helped put together the poster with him, and it was a collaborative thing, and it was really cute. Well, it came time for the science fair, and she had her poster and she texted in the like our little sister group chat, and she's like, Oh, does this look dumb? Do I need to change it? And then she got a couple comments from sisters and my mom and stuff that was like, Yeah, you should probably change this. Yeah, maybe you should tweak that or whatever. And I I called her and I was like, do not change it. It is amazing, it looks good, it's not worth your time and energy. Like, it looks amazing, and teachers don't care that much, right? She was like, Thank you. You know, I was feeling so bad. Anyways, bottom line is the kid freaking won the science fair.

unknown 29:26

Oh my.

SPEAKER_07 29:27

Did he really? Yeah. I didn't think I knew that.

SPEAKER_05 29:31

And it was cute. Like it was, I feel like it was a good amount of collaborative effort and stuff, but she was worried about it. She was worried it needed to be perfect, you know? And that wasn't the point. The point wasn't perfection. It was that he met the criteria, he presented it well, he knew exactly what he was talking about.

SPEAKER_00 29:50

Yeah, he knew the distance from the different catapults.

SPEAKER_05 29:54

Like he knew, right? So that he he was very much in involved. And then you had some mom involvement, you had some dad involvement. It was cute, and he won the whole thing. But the point is, she was like fine-tuning it, trying to like the point of my message is like that was unnecessary. She didn't have to make it perfect, right? But she was like worried about perfection, and it was it turned out great and it was cute. And she was probably at the end of the day glad she didn't go run to the store and try to redo the whole thing because she considered it. But um, but yeah, and I think it was a good experience for all of them, you know, like her to stress a little less, and then for her son, like he worked hard and and it was just cute, and and they had a good time as a family. So, anyways, I just thought of that because she was so worried about her poster that she helped make.

SPEAKER_00 30:44

Good job, Liam.

SPEAKER_05 30:45

Good job, Liam. Shout out to Liam for winning the science fair. Yeah, yeah, he's mine.

SPEAKER_00 30:50

That's super awesome. I never won a science fair.

SPEAKER_05 30:53

I have. I don't think I've ever but I think my mom did it.

SPEAKER_00 30:57

Oh my gosh. Your mom won the science fair. Good job, Kimmy. You won that science fair.

SPEAKER_04 31:05

I think it was her idea.

SPEAKER_05 31:07

Let me tell you what it was. It was pretty cool. We were we were testing the acidity in different liquids, and we put different like beans in like that sprout like like they were seeds that sprouted into beans, and we put them in different liquids. So we put one in like like Dr. Pepper, Diet Coke, water, sugar, water. You know, we put it in different like liquids, yeah. To see, and um the idea was to test the acidity, I think. I don't know, it's probably wrong. Anyways, just to see you obviously didn't do it. My mom did it, gay.

SPEAKER_00 31:46

You have no idea what your project was about.

SPEAKER_05 31:49

Okay, but obviously I like presented it well enough because I would.

SPEAKER_00 31:52

You did? Oh, yeah, that's right.

SPEAKER_04 31:53

Yeah, I won.

SPEAKER_00 31:54

Your mom told you what to say. Okay, you know what else I was thinking about. And this actually makes me laugh. Oh my gosh. Um, I I never I don't think I've ever joined a science fair, but we did have a history fair.

SPEAKER_03 32:10

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:11

You remember that in middle school?

SPEAKER_02 32:12

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 32:13

It was US history.

SPEAKER_02 32:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:15

Okay. This made me think about how stupid I am. And maybe sometimes parents should get involved. Okay.

SPEAKER_06 32:24

This is why this is to save you from public humiliation.

SPEAKER_00 32:28

Yeah, because I didn't realize how bad this was until after, even now. Um, so we had a US history class, and one of the projects of the history class was to create a presentation, like an actual poster board.

SPEAKER_06 32:42

Yeah, like a trifold.

SPEAKER_00 32:44

Trifold uh and present on some US history event, some history event. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 32:51

Got it. What would you think about it?

SPEAKER_00 32:52

And uh I partnered up with George.

SPEAKER_02 32:55

Oh no. Oh no.

SPEAKER_00 32:57

Me and George were in the same history class and we partnered up together. Um, George is like my my brother, he's my age, he's we grew up together, and uh, anyways, we're not really related long distance, but we call each other cousins, brothers, bothins. Both tonguins, anyways. Our our history thing was on the history of Tongue. In a US history class.

SPEAKER_06 33:39

Mr. Rose was like, I never taught you this.

SPEAKER_00 33:42

Oh my gosh. I we the only thing we thought of was like, okay, history. Let's just do something on history. Tonga in a US history class. So we created a presentation at my house, and we just try to come up with all whatever history of.

SPEAKER_08 34:02

I think that's cute.

SPEAKER_00 34:03

Um and obviously my parents didn't correct us or anything. My mom was not involved.

SPEAKER_05 34:08

They were proud, I'm sure. They're like, yes, share Tonga.

SPEAKER_00 34:12

Um, but I I was just my parents, very involved parents, very good, um, very supportive, but not the project.

SPEAKER_06 34:22

What happened? How was the presentation? What did it look like?

SPEAKER_00 34:27

We literally went off of things my mom told us. Like, I don't even know if they're right. We just printed some pictures.

SPEAKER_04 34:36

Did you get an A forever?

SPEAKER_00 34:38

No, we did not get a good grade.

SPEAKER_05 34:40

I don't think we got a good, and I'm sure, you know, and I didn't even think about the teacher was like, we literally didn't go over any of this, guys.

SPEAKER_00 34:47

Well, it didn't have to be something that we went over, but it had to be US history. And this was not even United States history, it was a totally different country. And I think he could tell that like a lot of the stuff we were we had on our poster board was kind of like made up from like what my parents had told us. Oh my gosh. I just think about this like he probably thought we were so stupid. He's like, wait, US history. This is a totally different country.

SPEAKER_04 35:23

He's like, these cute six.

SPEAKER_00 35:25

And uh these facts don't even sound legit. But wait, my point of my point is with that story. Like, I feel like if my if my mom was a little more involved and knew what was going on in my schooling, she might have like corrected me. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 35:41

So maybe there needs to be like a balance.

SPEAKER_00 35:43

Yeah, like maybe you shouldn't present on Tongan history in a US history class.

SPEAKER_04 35:51

She didn't know what you're doing. She's like, that's cute. That's a cute poster.

SPEAKER_00 35:55

Oh my gosh. Okay. Shout out, George. It was great presentation, anyways.

SPEAKER_05 36:01

Wait, that's interesting. I don't even know what we're saying. That's interesting.

SPEAKER_00 36:04

Wait, we didn't even go over yours. I know mine.

SPEAKER_05 36:07

I'm ready.

SPEAKER_00 36:08

Okay, go ahead. You're here.

SPEAKER_05 36:09

Listen to mine, okay? This is what I didn't want you to see. Okay, I reshared this, so it's the original reel is in my reshares. Uh the Ruben and Riley podcast reshare. But, okay, listen to this, okay? Draco Malfoy, Harry Potter, okay? The Harry Potter movies, Draco Malfoy.

SPEAKER_00 36:29

Oh, I think I think I know what you're using.

SPEAKER_05 36:31

Dang it, you already saw it?

SPEAKER_00 36:33

I think so.

SPEAKER_05 36:35

All right.

SPEAKER_00 36:36

That he's should I say what I think it is?

SPEAKER_05 36:38

Sure.

SPEAKER_00 36:39

He's only in Harry Potter.

SPEAKER_05 36:41

Okay, shh, shh, shh. Be quiet. Okay. This is less exciting because you already saw the real. But Draco Malfoy from Harry Potter, okay? It says in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, the first movie, he only appears in that movie a total of four minutes and 15 seconds.

SPEAKER_00 36:59

Yeah, the first movie?

SPEAKER_05 37:01

The first movie.

SPEAKER_00 37:02

Yeah, that's crazy.

SPEAKER_05 37:03

Okay. Second movie, Draco Malfoy only appears in the Chamber of Secrets a total of seven minutes. A little bit longer. The third movie, Prisoner of Azkaban, Draco Malfoy appears for four minutes. The fifth movie, Order of the Phoenix, he appears. How long?

SPEAKER_00 37:25

I don't know. Five?

SPEAKER_05 37:27

One minute fifteen seconds.

SPEAKER_00 37:29

Oh wow.

SPEAKER_05 37:30

Okay?

SPEAKER_00 37:31

That's crazy. Wait, which movie is that? The fifth one?

SPEAKER_05 37:33

The fifth one, okay? Order of the Phoenix. Sixth movie, Half Blood Prince, he appears eight minutes fifteen seconds. And that's the longest. The Deathly Hallows, he appears two minutes and 15 seconds. And the part two of Deathly Hallows, he appears two minutes 30 seconds. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 37:54

Oh my god. Yeah, that's crazy.

SPEAKER_05 37:56

So in all of those, that's eight movies. He there's a total of 1,179 minutes and 31 seconds in the whole movie. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 38:09

In the whole movie.

SPEAKER_05 38:09

In the whole series, sorry. Like that's how long all of it. And Draco Malfoy appears in 31 minutes and 45 seconds in the entire series.

SPEAKER_00 38:24

Yeah, and he's such a huge character.

SPEAKER_05 38:26

He's such a huge character. Okay. He only appears for 31 minutes and 45 seconds in all eight movies. Like total combined. Isn't that wild? Okay, but this is the weight that's interesting. So that blew my mind already. I thought I was just like, wow, that's crazy. But then somebody commented on this reel, and this is where I want to focus. Because the top, one of the top comments on this reel was proof the immense impact a negative person can have with even very limited access to you.

SPEAKER_00 38:56

Ah yeah, that's interesting. Well, ah, wait. That's interesting.

SPEAKER_05 39:02

Wait. That's interesting. Proof the immense impact a negative person can have with very even very limited access to you. That was like one of the comments. And I was like, my drop. Like that's wild. That's so true. Like he is such a huge character.

SPEAKER_00 39:18

Because of his negativity.

SPEAKER_05 39:20

Because of his negativity and the role he plays. He's like, but he barely even appears in the show, but he sticks with you and he's on the main covers and he's this big negative force, right? And he's hardly even in there, which is just kind of wild. And it does go to show. I was even thinking with just that comment alone, I was like, it's crazy how many positive and good and comments that I can have and or that I have had in my life. And there's been like one negative comment of when I was a kid. I mean, there maybe there's more, but there's like one that's like carried with me to adulthood, right? So just not too long ago, we were up in Utah and we were with family and we were playing games. Well, it's not a secret. I mentioned it even on the podcast, I think, that I struggle with math. Like math has always been an insecurity of mine. We are playing games with the family, and this particular game, you had to like add up these points at the end of the game. And when I'm with friends and I know like it's an insecurity mine, right? I just put like I just use my calculator. But sometimes with my when I'm with my family, I'm like, oh no, I can do it. Like I can do the math, but I just feel a little insecurity, and the insecurity of it is coupled with like anxiety and panic a little. And it like makes me freeze.

SPEAKER_00 40:40

Like you feel like people are waiting on you to count your points.

SPEAKER_05 40:42

Waiting on me to count my points. And so I made multiple comments, and then my sister's like, geez, now you're making me feel weird about it because you're like so like my I was like projecting my insecurities. And I made a comment that, like, I was like, Well, when I was younger, I had to, I was like struggling with math, then I had to see a tutor. And I was saying, like, my so mom and dad sent me into a tutor to try to help me. And then my sister stopped me and she's like, Whoa, don't like act like mom and dad trying to help you was a negative thing. And I was like, No, no, no, that's not what I meant. My point is, is because I always felt like because I had to see a tutor, right, that it meant I suck at this.

SPEAKER_00 41:20

Because you struggled enough to do it.

SPEAKER_05 41:21

Because I struggled enough to need help, which is so silly because like we all need help in certain things, right? But like it's just always been in my mind that like I'm not good enough at this, and it definitely plays a role in my anxiety around it, you know? And so even with the kids, so like mom, test me math questions, do this. It like, I don't want to do that, like it's not fun for me. And I think it's just because of myself, you know. I'm like, go ask dad. Like, I don't want to do it. I don't want to do it. Yeah, even with my own kids, you know, which is silly because I don't want to like push that off on them. I I just I received a negative comment regarding my intellect. And so therefore, I've always struggled in it with that. And and so, anyways, it I that comment just stuck with me because I'm like, yeah, man, that's crazy. And even when I was doing like starting out with social media, now it doesn't affect me as much because I've been doing this for a while. But like, I'd get a negative comment on social media and it would like ruin my whole day, week, whatever. Like, I'd just stew over it. And um, just because that one comment where like I'd have so many positive things, and then one person would say something that was like, wow, that's kind of messed up, and take my parenting a different way than I meant it, or something, and comment on that, and that would like negatively impact me. That one little comment would stick with me, but none of the hundreds of positive comments, you know, yeah, which I just find interesting that it's like that person or or has limited to like no access to you, but that negative thing can like profoundly impact you and stick in your mind, yeah, and stick in your mind.

SPEAKER_00 43:12

How do you get that out?

SPEAKER_05 43:13

I mean, I'm not a therapist. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 43:17

I mean, yeah, I mean, just thinking through that, it is so true. Like, and that's why I think it's so important that we and it kind of goes back to the whole bully thing, you know, that we can initially talked about like it is so important to be kind. It is so important to be kind of kind of kind of kind of kind of kind of a good thing. Your words matter, right? You know, right, because I mean, yeah, that one main thing that you say could ruin someone's life.

SPEAKER_05 43:42

Yeah, or that could be the one thing they carry with them for an hour.

SPEAKER_00 43:46

It sounds dramatic, but it's true.

SPEAKER_05 43:47

It's true. Like, I remember one time in in middle school, somebody made fun of my laugh, and to this day, I think my laugh is so obnoxious because like I kind of am like, oh. Oh, I'm laughing too hard because like someone made fun of my laugh. It's just silly. It's silly. Like we're kids. Kids say dumb things. But like it's like I remember that from middle school.

SPEAKER_00 44:15

No, there I I I feel like there are a few things that I even myself I've been made fun of before that still affect me today.

SPEAKER_05 44:24

And I think it goes to show, like, even when you're trying to like, because okay, I'm gonna say um there's one thing I love about Polynesians is they joke with each other. I love it. But also I just wanna say you there needs to be a level of like kindness and um being considerate of that because there's some where I think it does go too far where it's like, yeah, you're joking, but like that's actually gonna stick with that person. Like they they may laugh back, but yeah, you know, be kind and be uh considerate of what you're saying.

SPEAKER_00 45:02

Your words matter, so yeah, I I I think yeah, because I was part of that, obviously. And um I think a lot of us realize that now. Yeah, you know, in the moment, as a kid, you think it's all fun and games, right? And and you know, we call it clowning on each other, right?

SPEAKER_05 45:24

And there's gotta be a level of like, it's okay. I don't know, it's like you don't want to be per person, right? You wanna be took test, yeah. But at the same time, like like Livy was clowning on you at the zoo saying you look like a gorilla. That was your uncle, and it was hilarious.

SPEAKER_00 45:40

But you also gotta understand. You gotta have personality, you gotta you gotta also have a I guess maybe a good enough relationship where we gotta know where you can know where it's too far, you know.

SPEAKER_05 45:51

And like who you're talking to.

SPEAKER_00 45:53

Um, but like, and I was just thinking about that too.

SPEAKER_05 45:55

Like, how do you how do you overcome that is what you previously said.

SPEAKER_00 46:01

Well, how do you overcome that? Yes, how do you overcome that? That's just one question, but how do you teach children where how to know where that line is?

SPEAKER_05 46:10

Like, yeah. Okay, let me go to your first one first.

SPEAKER_00 46:13

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 46:14

The first one is how you overcome that, and obviously I still struggle with it, right? The math example just happened a few weeks ago. But um, I would say it goes back to our conversation on confidence with kids. That episode we did about confidence. It goes back to separating what's true and what's not. Like we mentioned that. I think that there's something really profound in that. Like, separate is this true? And if the answer is yes, then okay, can you change it? No, okay, then don't worry about it, right? Is this true? Uh no. Okay, then don't worry about it. Kind of like that smile one you shared too. Like if it if it's true and you can't change anything about it, well, then that's something rude that they said about you, right? Like maybe something, a physical thing or something you can't change, right? And they're making fun of you. Like my laugh. That's just how I laugh. I can't change that. And if I do, it's una, it's not authentic, right? That's weird. Like I can't change that. Then I then don't worry about it. One person's opinion of me doesn't matter, right? Doesn't matter, or multiple people's opinion of me. That's who I am. That's okay. My math thing, can I change that? Yeah, I could work at that. I if I wanted to. I also could separate truth and not. Am I really super sucky at math? No, like I can do No, you're not.

SPEAKER_00 47:45

I can do that. You're really not. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 47:47

I can do addition and subtraction, and that's pretty much all we're doing in those games, you know? But I overthink it and I get so stressed. So I need to separate, like, you know what? That's actually not true. And if you just take a minute and breathe and do it, you're fine. And you do it right.

SPEAKER_07 48:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 48:02

You know? So I think there's a skill in in maybe teaching our children, like, Kate, is that true? No. Okay, then don't worry about it. It's not true. It's not true, you know. And if it is true, well, I can't worry about my red skin. Like, you know, like Elsie likes to point out, I have red skin, and I do. And sometimes it's not red, but sometimes it is.

SPEAKER_00 48:25

My kid's a bully.

SPEAKER_05 48:26

She's not. Don't say that about my child.

SPEAKER_00 48:28

She is a bully. Don't say that about my child.

SPEAKER_04 48:30

She's not a but she's a bully to us.

SPEAKER_00 48:32

She's the not bully to other kids. She's a bully to her parents.

SPEAKER_05 48:35

She's a bully to other kids too, though. She struggles with other kids too. Listen, she's three. But no, but like, okay, that's something I can't change about myself. That's a I just need to own it. That's okay. It's all right. We like red. Ruben says red's his favorite color. It is. You know? Like it's fine. This is just how I am. So I think you gotta own it a little bit and not worry about it. But obviously, we easier said than done.

SPEAKER_00 49:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 49:06

What was your other question? Um, do you have any thoughts on that? That's just my thoughts. That I'm like, you either you can separate the truth or you can work on it, right?

SPEAKER_00 49:14

No, I think that was that's great advice.

SPEAKER_05 49:16

I think I just not care what people think about you.

SPEAKER_00 49:18

Yeah, I mean, it's easier to say, don't care about what people say, you know.

SPEAKER_05 49:22

Care about what God thinks. What does God think of you?

SPEAKER_00 49:24

But I think that process of thinking is great advice, you know, like trying to help them like break it down, navigate like the actual um thought process of okay, is this true or is this not? And that's it's easier to to move past it when you think about it that way.

SPEAKER_05 49:43

I I'm gonna quote my uncle, I want to share a quote from my uncle, Brick Iyer. He shared a talk, um, and he said, seek validation vertically, not horizontally. And what he means by that is seek validation from God, not from people. Yeah, and so I think that's also a good thing to hold on to is like, is this what God thinks of you? No, God loves my laugh, you know? God thinks I'm beautiful. Like, is this what God thinks? No, then don't worry about it. Don't worry about what other people think. Like, this is not what God thinks about you. What was your other question?

SPEAKER_00 50:21

Well, we you know, just we were just talking about, you know, uh kids like to joke around and sometimes it gets a little too far. My question was like, how do you teach kids to be sensitive to that?

SPEAKER_05 50:34

Like to be well, let's talk about our own kids. Because I feel like we just had an experience with this. Is the girls, Livy and Emily and Ruby were playing um, they were playing Super Mario Party, and uh Ruby was getting all emotional, which she is a little overly sensitive with games and things like that. Um and Livy and Emily were just laughing at her, and but she started to like tear up and they kept laughing. And so we had to pause and be like, okay, we had to talk to both of them, all of them, right? So we're like Livy and Emily. Do you see that? She's upset about this. She's asking you to stop and you're still going.

SPEAKER_07 51:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 51:20

So, number one, respect what other people are asking. If they're asking you to knock it off, then you need to stop.

SPEAKER_00 51:27

Yeah, you know you've gone too far.

SPEAKER_05 51:28

You've know you've gone too far. Okay. So, you know, read the room a little bit. You know, she she she asked you to stop, so stop. Also, she's crying. Can you see her face? Like she's getting emotional. It matters to her. They're like, that wasn't a big deal, though. To you, it's not a big deal, but to her, it is. So maybe you don't understand why her feelings are hurt, but they are hurt. And so that's when you instantly go, Oh, sorry, Ruby, I didn't know that upset you. That's when you just put a stop to it, you know, because we're gonna laugh or joke or do things that like maybe, you know, I may say something that I didn't know upset you, and vice versa, right? But if you if you can see that or communicate that, then it's like, oh, sorry, I was I didn't know that was offending you, or I didn't know that was upsetting it, you. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_00 52:19

Well, I think it's just a good social skill to teach kids like they're gonna come across lots of situations where they're gonna have to really read a person, right? And know how the whatever they're communicating is coming across, you know.

SPEAKER_05 52:32

Yeah, and I would say like bull bullying is like an extreme. I would say this maybe isn't bullying, but a comment that you're saying or something can really hurt somebody, and you may be totally unaware, like you didn't mean it that way, or it came across wrong, right? Maybe depending on how it was delivered. And and that could change everything for somebody. They may be like, Man, I thought we were friends, and now I don't know if I want to be your friend because of that one comment, right? So I think it is an important life skill to be like, man, okay, I think I actually upset her or him, like they're not talking to me anymore or they're acting weird. That's when you go and communicate and be like, Hey, sorry, did I say something? Right, you know, or something like that. I feel like is a is a good way. So, like, read the room. If it's starting to hurt them, if they ask you to stop, stop. If you can see that they're emotionally impacted, you know, that's when you stop, right? Yeah, you know you went too far. Yeah, it's not to say like you're gonna be perfect and you're never gonna offend somebody because that happens. But and then I think on the other side of it, like we also had a conversation with Ruby, and we're like, Ruby, like I I'm I'm sorry that hurt you, but it is just a game, you know? And if it's feeling like too much right now, maybe we should take a break. Yeah, like it's supposed to be fun. It's supposed to be fun, yeah. It's supposed to be fun. If it's not fun, maybe we should take a break. So I think there needs to be that side of things too. Like, as parents, that's another thing we can communicate. Like, well, did they mean to hurt you? And if the answer is no, then it's like, okay, you need to give them a little grace for that. Like, they didn't mean to hurt your feelings, right? Like, and if it did hurt your feelings to the f where it's still upsetting you, then that's when you go to them and be like, hey, like this made me sad when you did this, you know? And and then we teach our girls how to respond in that way. Like instead of them being like defensive, because sometimes the response is like, Well, I didn't mean to hurt you. Like, yeah, you know, sometimes the response is not very sympathetic.

SPEAKER_07 54:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 54:39

But then we can go in and be like, okay, well, no, the response is like, Oh, I'm sorry, that hurt you. I didn't know, or something. I'll try not to do it again.

SPEAKER_07 54:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 54:49

So these just conversations I think sometimes play out with our kids, and that's the kind of the nice thing about having siblings is you can kind of practice these situations, you know, they play out often. But I don't know, any other things that you're thinking of. But I feel like we go through the emotions kind of with our kids.

SPEAKER_00 55:09

Yeah, no, I I think it is like you said, it's it's it's great to have siblings to practice this with. Yeah, sorry, like in a safe way, really, in a safer way, you know, where we can actually control and pay attention and give advice and help direct. And so it it is, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 55:26

So and and I and then again, like we try, like kind of going back to the art project thing, we try to have them resolve it on their own. If they're if not, we can step in and give little tidbits of information, like, okay, wait, she's crying. Do you see she's crying? You know, to see if they can kind of make the right conversation choices. And if not, then we can break it down and like have a teaching moment.

SPEAKER_00 55:53

Yeah. Yeah. The other thing I was thinking about is it is healthy to have a little bit of support. No.

SPEAKER_05 56:01

Cause you do.

unknown 56:03

Yes.

SPEAKER_05 56:03

Like we don't we don't want to be the art project people with zero support.

SPEAKER_00 56:07

Right.

SPEAKER_05 56:08

But also, like, there needs to be some guidance while letting them take the lead.

SPEAKER_00 56:13

Yeah. No, I'm I'm I was thinking more of like teasing and joking. I think a little bit of that is is actually pretty healthy and a sign of a good relationship. Hey, I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_04 56:24

I love Polly's joke.

SPEAKER_00 56:25

I yeah, but I agree. There's there's gotta be balance in everything, right? You can't, you've gotta know when to stop. You've got to know someone well enough to know where there's just boundaries you shouldn't cross, right? Um, but with that said, I I I think I read something where um it said that a sign of a strong relationship or a good relationship is your ability to to tease and to joke around with someone, right? And to not be so uptight around someone. Yeah, like like you brought up Livy saying, Hey dad, is that your cousin? When we were looking at the gorillas at the zoo, right?

SPEAKER_05 57:00

It's glittering, like and she knew she knew that was a comment that would be funny to you. Yeah, I was like she knew the context, she knew I wouldn't be offended by it.

SPEAKER_00 57:10

Like she um it was fun, and I thought it was hilarious too. I laughed too.

SPEAKER_05 57:15

It was pretty funny, like and it was pretty quick. She knew it, she was waiting for it. She was like waiting for the laugh.

SPEAKER_00 57:21

Oh man. Um, but I I honestly loved that. I love that Livy teased me like that. Yeah, like it was fun, you know.

SPEAKER_05 57:28

I'm glad like a good thing for your our relationship.

SPEAKER_00 57:31

Yeah, I'm glad that my daughter can do that. I'm glad she feels comfortable to tease me, you know?

SPEAKER_07 57:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 57:37

Um, and I tease her too, you know. And we tease each other. I feel like there's some good good in that. I tease you a lot, right?

SPEAKER_05 57:45

You tease sure does. And then if it does go too far, that's when I say like I actually don't like that one, you know?

SPEAKER_07 57:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 57:53

Or that one was in front of people, it made me a little more embarrassed.

SPEAKER_07 57:56

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 57:57

You know, there's gotta be a lot, there's a level of respect. Yeah, yikes. Okay, but it's better, it's better for me to say that. Yeah, then you know, yeah, you know, okay, my wife doesn't love that that kind of teasing in front of people. That's okay. Like, I I'll be more mindful of that next time, you know.

SPEAKER_00 58:20

Yeah, but I I think it's healthy knowing that we always get offended when we joke.

SPEAKER_05 58:25

I was gonna say there's also been moments where you've said, like, okay, I'm sorry that offended you, but like, try not to be so offended by something that I was saying lightly. Like, and and and so I think there was like that was like, okay, I hear you, I'll try not to be so mad, but please hear me that I don't like that. So we've had those conversations. Like, there's been times where we we've had those conversations, right?

SPEAKER_00 58:52

Yeah, but I feel like a relationship wouldn't be great if we weren't able to joke around with each other.

SPEAKER_03 58:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 58:58

Because I know there's couples like that. They're boring because they don't like to tease or otherwise person gets offended too easily. Like, I feel like if you get offended.

SPEAKER_06 59:07

I'm trying to joke and you're laughing and you're being very terrified.

SPEAKER_00 59:10

I feel like if you get offended every time you joke around, like you just don't like each other. So, um, so yes, there's definitely boundaries that you shouldn't cross, but have a little fun. Tease each other every now and then. Just don't be bully-ish. Like, don't cross the line of being a bully in your relationship. I don't know how we get along. We just went on this path like this.

SPEAKER_05 59:34

There's dots. There's dots that have connected.

SPEAKER_00 59:37

Yeah, there's dots.

SPEAKER_05 59:39

So earlier in the podcast, we kind of mentioned that we're moving. And so, I mean, we we talked a while about these other things. So, this will be a brief part, but we kind of wanted to talk about because we have people ask us like Utah culture versus Vegas culture. Um, because now, you know, we we grew up in Utah and then we moved to Vegas. We were basically we're raising our kids here in Vegas, and now we're moving back to Utah, and just some some of those dynamics, pros and cons of how we feel about the different cultures, because there is a different culture.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:13

Utah culture is very unique, yeah, and uh in good and bad ways, you know.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:20

Um, but maybe some fears, some exciting excitement of this transition.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:26

Yeah, I I think the one of the main reasons why I thought this would be good to talk about I strongly believe after moving away from Utah, and this could be anywhere, wherever home is, I strongly believe that after moving away from home, our home state, for this many years was such a beneficial thing.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:47

Oh my gosh. For our relationship. It was for our relationship, yes, as a couple individually, it was so good for me. So, for context, I was born and raised in Utah and northern Utah, which is you know, we're Vegas is pretty close to southern Utah. It's only a couple hours away, but we lived northern Utah, so it's like seven hours away, anyways. Um, I was born and raised in Utah, and I never lived outside of Utah. Um, I went to Utah State University and we got married. Um, we lived for like two months doing summer sales in Seattle, and then we lived in Utah. So prior to moving here, I've I had never lived outside of Utah. So and I think moving to Las Vegas was so good for me. So good for me because Utah culture is very unique, and I'm realizing that more as we live outside of it. I'm like, oh my gosh, it is so unique. But growing up, that's all I knew, you know?

SPEAKER_00 1:01:52

Yeah, and I think just in general, whether you're from Utah or anywhere, I think and I think it's their own culture too. I I think everybody needs to move away from home.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:04

I agree for a little bit. Yeah, it's so good for everybody.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:11

And go through that experience of learning new things, learning new cultures, learning um to be away from your parents, learning to be away from family and like we were away from like all family, yeah. Yeah, learning to deal with different situations that you wouldn't deal with wherever you're from, you know. Yeah, um, I think that in itself, like having to rely on ourselves, especially we moved here to Vegas and you just started dealing with all this, all this, all these trials. Yeah, and we were health issues, and it would have been so much easier to deal with this while we were there in Utah. By family, by family, yeah, you know, but we had to deal with it without family.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:52

Yeah, I mean, uh family was supportive from afar, and they came and but there's only so much you can do when you don't live next door, right?

SPEAKER_00 1:02:59

And I feel like that experience of all the trials that that you went through or that we went through while living in Vegas away from family was truly transforming. Transforming, yeah. You know, and we needed that, and I'm grateful for it. And I I think I've told this to my little brothers before. Um, I have a younger brother who's just graduating from school. Maybe I thought to say this to him. I don't know.

SPEAKER_08 1:03:28

You probably didn't.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:30

So leaky just like you get an opportunity to move away, move away, do it. Like, take the opportunity.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:38

Your mom's gonna be so mad at you for this.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:40

Take the opportunity, and if you want to come back, you'll eventually make your way back. And we are doing that. Like, we moved away and we are making our way back. I think we always knew we wanted to go back to Utah. I think I at least always knew that. We always wanted to be closer to family, yeah, closer to family in the end. And even when I joined the company that I work for, I've been with them 10 years now, almost 10 years, um, coming up on end. Even when I joined with them, I knew I was gonna have to move out of state. But my goal was always to get back, you know? Yeah, like it was always like in my mind that I wanted to get back. And actually, when I was at my office, because my office is in Utah now, when I was there a couple weeks ago, yeah, I kind of had like this full circle moment where I was like, wow, I actually made it back to Utah.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:31

That is crazy.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:32

Like, I I always I always like it, it was always my goal to to just follow whatever I need to do and go wherever they needed me to go. But my goal was always to try to make it back here, and I did, and I feel that was a great accomplishment for myself to be able to do that. But anyways, but I'm so grateful that it took us to where we were, to where we are now, you know.

SPEAKER_05 1:04:55

Well, I just want to say, like, I want to bring up the culture thing a little bit because I think every state kind of has their own vibe, culture, but that even goes with every city. Like, we are from a small town city, and um, and that's a different vibe than living by a big city, like we live by Las Vegas, but I I want to just say, just for those Utah's listening, I looked at Vegas probably the way you guys look at Vegas, and I was like, I do not want to live in Las Vegas, and most people say that, and from Utah, I would say who haven't experienced it, and Vegas is amazing. We love Las Vegas, it is more than just the strip, like it is so family-oriented, and there's so many amazing people and things to do for families, and oh, the restaurants we're gonna miss the food. The honestly, we could food.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:48

We could probably say we've been to the strip less than 10 times.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:52

Yeah, we we go when people come visit us, yeah. Like and then there's fun things to do there, and it's fun to be close by and Airport, like where we're from, we're not even that close to an airport, and uh and we just we love Las Vegas. Honestly, if we needed to if we were gonna stay here forever, we we would be fine. We'd be fine staying here. There was nothing about Vegas, it's just that our family is in northern Utah. So we are excited to be a little closer to family, a little closer for our cousins. I'd say there's some people who would argue that, like, no, we don't want that lifestyle. There's something really cool about living all by your family and having this really um small, tight-knit community in that way. Yeah, and I agree that is a very unique, special thing for people to have like grandma and grandpa living in the same house, or even, you know, or like all your siblings are Ruben, all of Ruben's siblings, pretty much except for his one sister in Seattle, live in in Logan, Utah.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:53

Well, it's a very cultural thing in the Polynesian culture, and culture be by your family. Yeah, you know, and in and family doesn't you don't typically move away from from your family, like you are with your family, and and that's a very cool special thing.

SPEAKER_05 1:07:08

One for culture, for strengthening families with cousins and aunts and uncles and grandmas and grandpas, and and and that's a really special thing. So we're not saying that, but there is also a special thing about being away from all of that, because not only do we only have each other to rely on, which is really special, but also a lot of people out here also don't have family. And I think that's the cool thing, um, is because you become each other's family and support system.

SPEAKER_07 1:07:41

Yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:07:41

And honestly, I'm getting emotional about it because like I'm gonna miss that because I'm it's not to say that doesn't happen in Utah, but I think in Utah a lot of people do have their families. And so I would say it's almost harder to make friends sometimes because as an adult, because people go back to their families off all the all the time. We're like here, like we're with our friends. We spend holidays together, we like do events together, we support each other's kids stuff, like all of that, like I'm gonna miss so much from Las Vegas. I'm gonna miss the people here. And that community is also really special, special and cool. Um, and also it's been good for our family. Like, I I would say when we first got married too, like we were very poor. We were in college, and I would go and eat eat food at my parents' house. And then Ruben would get off work and he's like, Oh, well, we don't we don't have money, so we don't have a lot of food at home. And he's like, What'd you eat? And I'm already full. And he was living off of like, you know, whatever scraps we had at home. And then when we moved away, even just a few hours away, that made it so it's like, okay, let me take care of my husband a little bit here when he's been working all day. And that was a good thing too, you know? So I feel like we've done that better with each other, just like uh supporting each other in what we need because we can't just I just thought it was wild, like, which I think is so cool, but it was mind-blowing to me just because we've been removed from it for seven years. It was wild to me when your brother texted the family group chat and was like, Hey, can someone just bring us dinner? We're sick. Like, that was like mind blowing. I'm like, what? You just like text and have people bring you dinner just because we're so far far removed from it. I'm like, that's kind of crazy. And that is a unique thing that like we just haven't had. Like, we can't just be like, oh mom, can you just come over and like help with the grandkids for a second? Like, we just haven't had that. Yeah, and there's benefits to both, right?

SPEAKER_00 1:09:45

But yeah, and I I think like what you're saying is we by moving away, we removed the easy button. Yeah, basically. You know, we removed the easy button of just being able to fall back on our parents or our or our family and and just had to figure out how we're gonna do it by ourselves, you know. And that that experience itself was hard, but like we would I wouldn't regret it. Like, yeah, I would do it again. And and I agree with you, Vegas is amazing. Vegas has been good to us. And you know, I talked about how I always wanted to make it back to Utah, but like you said, truthfully, I actually weren't like in the end, like I actually wished we could have stayed here. Well, I don't personally like we go back and forth with that, but I I would have been, yeah, I would have to be able to do that.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:38

We thought here's the thing is we thought we were putting down roots here. We kind of thought maybe we'd stay here long term, and then and then everything kind of shifted, and I felt like you were like more ready to go. And I was like, wait, I thought we were putting down roots, and it was just a harder like mind transition for me and emotionally uh to to navigate that. Um, but I am so excited to be closer to my parents, and I have a couple siblings in Utah, nothing.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:09

I think we're we're to the season where we're ready to move back.

SPEAKER_05 1:11:12

Yeah, I'm excited. And and that being said, like the part of that that we that we enjoy of being a little bit away from family, like we still are a little bit away from family. Um, it's not to say like we don't want to be closer to them. We love them, we love being with them, but we're still like a couple hours away. And so you said it removes that easy button, kind of, which we still don't necessarily have that access, you know, like what I'm saying, like it's a little different, but we're close enough that like when big events happen, we can be there, which we've missed that. Like we've missed like Ruben's um like nephew, he's going to college playing football next year, and we miss like most of his high school games, you know, like we haven't been able to do that. And not to say we can always do that because we're still a couple hours away, but at least like it's easier, it's easier to show up and to go to those things for family and to be there and to strengthen those relationships. So we are really excited about that.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:14

The other thing that made it is making it easier for me too is I know I I at least know I come back here probably once a month. So that makes it a little bit easier for me.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:24

Yeah, not for me and the girls as much.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:26

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:26

I'm gonna miss the weather. I'm really gonna miss the weather.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:29

I'm really gonna miss the seasons.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:31

I love I'm excited about the seasons though, but winter usually lasts a little long in Utah. Yeah. I'm excited for the weather uh uh the seasons, but I'll miss the weather here. And uh yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:48

What else are we gonna say about that? Nothing about moving. I don't know.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:54

I don't have anything else. Were you gonna say anything else?

SPEAKER_00 1:12:57

Uh I can't remember. I thought I had something else to say. I can't remember what it was.

SPEAKER_05 1:13:03

Um you know what else I'm kind of excited about is I feel like typically in Utah you'll see a little bit more of the bigger yards and like kids in the street playing, and um the houses don't have stucco.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:23

Man, you really do not like stucco.

SPEAKER_05 1:13:24

I do not like the stucco, it's just not the cutest.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:27

And truly, Vegas has better food than Utah.

SPEAKER_05 1:13:30

Better food than Utah hands. Objectively so.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:33

That's not just a subjective thing. Like we're gonna be able to do it. Objectively, I don't know what I'm referencing as for the statistics, but I'm pretty sure it's true.

SPEAKER_06 1:13:41

I'm pretty sure if you research that, that was legit, okay?

SPEAKER_00 1:13:45

But that's truly something I at least know I will be coming back here every month or so when I can eat the food here.

SPEAKER_05 1:13:52

But honestly, like I Ruben's family all get so excited to come here and eat the food. We have a we have a separate chat where it's like they just shared places to eat in Vegas.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:02

No, and my parents were actually sad that we were moving back to Vegas.

SPEAKER_05 1:14:05

I know, actually, that was disappointing. That was a little disappointing. We told Ruben's parents we were thinking they'd be all excited, we're moving closer, and they were like, oh.

SPEAKER_07 1:14:14

Oh dang. Dang it.

SPEAKER_05 1:14:16

Like, and they go to California a lot, and they're like, we have nowhere to stop now when we go to California and we don't get to come in vacation here.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:23

They just really like visiting us. It's it's it's a function. So fun. Whereas like living in Utah or two hours away, it's like, okay, it's not that fun to come visit you guys, other than to see the grandkids. But we are fun. Truly, like back to the food. The food is is much better out here in Vegas. Yes. Like, we went to Utah last week, and every time I go to Utah, I'm like, okay, can we just find something? It might be annoying for Utah people to maybe hear that, but like it is so true. And we're not just saying that.

SPEAKER_05 1:14:55

Like it is so true.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:57

Like Utah, I'm not saying Utah has bad food. I think they just don't have this the many options that we have here in Vegas.

SPEAKER_05 1:15:03

Okay, transitioning from food, I just want to share culturally, like Utah is predominantly white. And I am a little worried about that because there is so much diversity here, and I love the diversity here. And I actually am a little like not looking forward to that somewhat for Utah. But you know what I am looking forward to though is there are a lot more Polynesians in Utah. And so I'm excited for that for my kids. So yeah, it's predominantly white. However, we're planning on, you know, hopefully getting our kids in like more like Polynesian dance classes and maybe language classes and going to a church that's full of Polynesians. And so I'm I'm really excited about that because I feel like our girls have also that's the negative side of being away from family, is I feel like they're a little bit more removed from the culture.

SPEAKER_07 1:15:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:15:59

And which is a big deal.

SPEAKER_07 1:16:01

A big deal.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:01

And I'm very excited to go back to a community that has more of that. So I'd say overall, as a state, they're predominantly white, but I think the area we're going to and some of the things we're gonna immerse our kids in is going to give them more of their own specific culture. And I'm really excited about that.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:21

Yeah, I think it was it when we were there last week that um or the the week we were there. That Livy said at the park.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:28

Yeah, it kind of triggered me a little that I was like, Yeah, it made me feel sad for her a little bit.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:35

So currently they go to school where like mixed mixed kids are the majority. Most are mixed, probably.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:45

Yeah. Or like there is an even distribution of cultures, skin colors, ethnicities.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:53

It's amazing. It's like beautiful. That's just that's how it is. It's just more diverse out here.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:58

Yeah. And and and and you don't stick out as much, I guess. I don't know. Even as a white, even as a white kid, like yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:17:06

I mean, it's like it's a good balance.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:08

It's a good balance. Yeah. Yeah. But we were at the park the other day in Utah, and Livy realized that she was the literally the only brown kid at that park. Brown kid at the park.

SPEAKER_05 1:17:19

And there was a ton of kids there.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:20

And she wasn't used to that.

SPEAKER_05 1:17:22

No, she wasn't. And it what kind of made me sad is she said, Am I just gonna be known as the brown kid? And honestly, it made me be like, Is this good? Is this a good thing? Like, it makes me a little worried because she should be surrounded by I'm not I'm not worried about it. I mean, you grew up in the world.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:41

I know she well, no, I I know she said that, but I know we say there's a lot of white kids, but there's not not everybody is white.

SPEAKER_05 1:17:50

No, but at that park, that's crazy. Yeah, like that was crazy.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:54

That day we went to that park, and our kids I mean, it was I it is eye-opening for only brown kids there. It is eye-opening for it was shocking.

SPEAKER_05 1:18:01

Yeah, but here's the thing.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:03

But there's also gonna be a lot more Polynesians at our school, though.

SPEAKER_05 1:18:06

Yes, I think there will be a lot more Polynesians. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:09

I feel like we sound racist talking about that.

SPEAKER_05 1:18:12

No, we don't. We're a mixed, we're an inter-race marriage. Like our kids are mixed race.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:18

Like And it's not so much that the race. I mean, I don't know what I'm trying to say here. It's not so much that the race matters.

SPEAKER_05 1:18:29

It's that our kids feeling feeling like they belong matters. And I think there are times when you don't feel like you belong when you're a minority. But I can't speak to that because I am part of the majority. But here's here's what I want to draw on experience of where my hesitation comes from, okay? So so we've been dating for quite some time, right? We met in high school, but in college, and this was before, no, this was after we were married. After we were married, I was a part of this diversity ambassador group. So I was an ambassador for Utah State University, meaning I was a part of their like recruitment team. And um, we held different leadership conferences. And one of the conferences that we did, um, and I was over the diverse, the diversity. Um, I was with a few other ambassadors, and it was kind of interesting because out of those ambassadors, I was the only white person out of the diversity ambassadors. But I think it was because I was married to you, and so we held this conference, and it was for um uh ethnic minority students to be able to come and and and and apply for uh diversity scholarships. And so we had this event, and at the end of this event, some got scholarships on the spot. It was really cool. But, anyways, we had this panel and we we were asking the kids questions about like, you know, about diversity and and what it was like for them growing up and their cultures and their experiences and just kind of having this like um what do you call that? Just this discussion. And I'll never forget this one kid because she spoke up and she said, I've always struggled because my mom's white and my dad's, I don't remember what he was, but it was um say tongan, right? I don't think that's what it was, but you know, we'll use us for an example. Um, my mom's white, my dad's Tongan, and I've always felt like I didn't belong anywhere. And I'm like, we were married, we didn't have any kids, and it just like shot me in the heart a little bit because I'm like, are my kids gonna feel like that? She was like, I was too white for my brown family, and I was too brown for my white family, and I kind of felt like I didn't fit in anywhere, and like she had this like a little bit of an identity crisis around being a mixed-race kid. I will say I feel like there's even more today, but I can see that happening for our kids, like a little bit of that. And so when Livy, our oldest, who's 11, made that comment at the park, it kind of made me question if this was a good idea to move to a predominantly white state. And and you know, we you've had a good experience growing up there, and we will we say like there is a lot, there are a lot of polys, especially in the area we're moving to. So we're excited about that. We think almost they'll get more of their culture, being closer to family and closer to Polynesian. I'm sure I'm sure I think no doubt they'll get more of their culture.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:04

Oh, 100%.

SPEAKER_05 1:22:05

I think it'll be a beautiful thing, but that alone makes me be like, wait, you know, I is this good? And I think maybe some of that identity crisis just comes with being a mixed race kid a little bit, but that's where I'm like, okay, we need to navigate this well for our kids. Yeah, and and I love that about Vegas. Vegas just naturally is really well balanced and very inclusive, and you know, uh you get people of all different kinds of races and nationalities and everything.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:42

Yeah, it just makes it more fun and interesting.

SPEAKER_05 1:22:44

Yeah, and I feel like they're just so understanding and want to learn about you and your differences, and you don't stick out, you know. Yeah, I just want to hear your perspective of it because I now mention that, but like I'm the white person, so I'm just uh like a mom who's concerned, you know, about my kids. Is there a moment you realize like you weren't part of the minority?

SPEAKER_00 1:23:12

Yeah. I I grew up I feel I'm grateful for Utah. I I loved my upbringing. I knew I was a minority growing up, you know. I I in fact, I mean, I went to Woodruff Elementary in Logan, Utah, and um there are a lot of Hispanic kids there, you know. And but even uh but I was probably the only Polynesian, you know, which was also a little different, you know.

SPEAKER_05 1:23:36

Um more unique, more unique.

SPEAKER_00 1:23:39

I feel like we had more Hispanics than other schools did.

SPEAKER_05 1:23:45

I think I think our high school actually made up like I think I think it was almost it was like 49% Hispanic, yeah, which was great.

SPEAKER_00 1:23:53

Loved that. A lot of a lot of my most a lot of my friends were Hispanic, yeah, you know. Um, so I love that. I you know, I felt like that made me comfortable at school, you know, just knowing I wasn't the only brown kid, right? But we didn't have a lot of Polynesians. I grew up, I mean, we knew all the Polynesians in Logan, right? And they were our fan, we our cousins, you know. And um George. And we so we knew we were the minority, but honestly, we like felt kind of cool.

SPEAKER_05 1:24:20

Well, you guys were cool. Listen, I guess that's the thing is like everyone just wanted to be your friend.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:26

I felt like it was like a good thing.

SPEAKER_05 1:24:28

Like it was like everybody was like, they're so cool, like it was a good uniqueness.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:31

Like we were like, oh man, this is awesome.

SPEAKER_05 1:24:33

Like, but also you could perform and show us your dances, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:37

But I think also at the same time, like we did wish maybe there were a few more that we could, you know, be friends with. I I do remember when I was younger, one time um one of my neighbor, one of my neighbor kids asked me like why my nose was so flat. You know, see, I was like, I don't know, it's just how my nose is. Is my nose flat? I don't know, like is it? You know, and it's just like it's that's that's like a that's like a pretty common, you know, Polynesian features, you know, flat noses or like the nose, you know, which our kids are getting.

SPEAKER_05 1:25:10

They all have, they all have it, it's so cute.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:13

Um the Polynesian nose, but uh so I guess that, but I don't feel like that really ever affected me, honestly.

SPEAKER_05 1:25:20

I feel like but you remembered that comment.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:22

I remember that comment, but I honestly had a great upbringing. Like I felt, I feel like our kids will feel proud of who they are and will feel proud to be Polynesian.

SPEAKER_03 1:25:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:33

And to be proud to be Tongan in their schools.

SPEAKER_03 1:25:37

Yeah, I hope that I hope they are.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:38

I feel like the general feeling in Utah is like the Polynesians are they're cool. Are cool. That's true, you know? That's true. They're good athletes, they're they're they got they've got they've got interesting culture. Like I feel like people think that in Utah. Yeah, and I and I think that's what our kids are gonna experience and be like, yeah, I'm Polynesian. I'm cool. I'm Polynesian. I go to, you know, people are gonna. So honestly, that's that was my feeling growing up.

SPEAKER_05 1:26:10

I I didn't feel it'd be interesting to get like the perspective of like your parents and your siblings on this, you know.

SPEAKER_00 1:26:20

Yeah, I'm sure everyone had their own experience, but for myself, it was very positive. I feel like I'm I'm grateful for the opportunity to grow up in Logan. Like, yeah, we love Logan. We love Logan. We will probably so pretty never settle down there, but we love it. Like nothing, nothing's like Logan.

SPEAKER_05 1:26:38

No, nothing's like Logan, it's like its own little world out there. Yeah, it's kind of a but it does feel far away, like it's in a because you have to go through like a canyon to get there, and but it's just really pretty, super pretty.

SPEAKER_00 1:26:51

And I'm glad my parents are there and glad your parents are there. Yeah, but there are less.

SPEAKER_05 1:26:55

I mean, I f I'd say there's more Polynesians out there now. It seems like tons.

SPEAKER_00 1:26:59

There's a lot more that's I don't even know all the Polynesians that are that are there now, but but in Utah County area where we're moving, there's a lot. There's tons. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:27:07

So we're excited about that.

SPEAKER_00 1:27:09

So I I think it'll be good. The move will be good. There are pros and cons, of course. To everything, to everything. Ultimately we'll miss Las Vegas. Ultimately, this is what we're supposed to do. And ultimately, it's gonna be good for our family.

SPEAKER_05 1:27:25

It's gonna be good for our family. We're just gonna miss it. We'll always love Vegas. Yeah, I'm sure we'll visit often. And maybe I need a Vegas skyline tattoo. Just kidding.

SPEAKER_00 1:27:38

Oh man. I don't even want to say about that. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 1:27:46

I'm just teasing. But we love Vegas.

SPEAKER_00 1:27:49

I'll get one if you get one.

SPEAKER_05 1:27:53

I don't want one. I've actually never wanted a tattoo. Just never something I've ever wanted.

SPEAKER_00 1:28:00

I have. But my wife said I'd look ugly.

SPEAKER_04 1:28:05

No, I did not. No, I didn't. I said I'm that's up to you. That's up to you, sir.

SPEAKER_05 1:28:13

But Vegas, you always have a piece of our hearts. We love you. Oh, like this together. Cute.

SPEAKER_00 1:28:24

If you're listening, we're making a heart with our hands. So you should watch it. So cute. YouTube or Spotify.

SPEAKER_05 1:28:32

Well, thanks for joining us. Uh, make sure you like, subscribe, comment, follow us on Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, Spotify, Apple, YouTube. Dang, we're busy. Um, thanks for joining us for RNR Time with Ruben and Riley. See you next time.

SPEAKER_03 1:28:53

Peace. Peace.