Dear Diary, Ladies the fellas have questions part 1 Special Guest Gabriela Diaz

Welcome back to another episode of Smoke In My Eyes! You have to be brave enough to ask the uncomfortable questions.

Brave enough to listen to answers that might challenge what you believe about love, relationships, and even yourself.

So  tonight we’re doing something a little different.

We’re putting the questions on the table.

Intro song :Raven Still-Between

Transcript

SPEAKER_04 0:03

Now you all yourself all this up in the shit is messing with your perfect way working if you have to love me but you just been wasting your time on this nigga word I wanna get next to you it's a little more left to you Welcome back welcome back welcome back to another episode of Smoke in My Eyes It's your girl Goddess Welcome back y'all um shout out to everybody y'all for listening and supporting my podcast of course is definitely appreciated and do not forget we are on all streaming platforms for sure um tonight's episode I had to bring in the beauty and the brains okay because we need this um I love her mind um she's super spicy and I met her in a time in my life where I was in transition just trying to figure out what I wanted to do and she is a beautiful spirit I'm not gonna do the intro I'm gonna let her do her own intro the beautiful the wonderful my gab Gabriella Diaz thank you hey boo hi I'm honored to be here listen thank you for having me I needed to have you because the group chat we gotta make it off the group chat okay that far so um go ahead and introduce yourself let them know who you are and what you do and all the wonderful magical things about you okay my name is Gabriella Diaz I'm a mother a daughter I'm an aesthetician focusing on holistic skincare I work a full-time job I'm out here hustling just like everybody else okay um and just really focusing on my own healing journey as well I think we met each other at a time where we were both in that same place of figuring things out and figuring our own journey so divine intervention God brought us together oh god did he did he and we be so in tune and like Gabby is the one I'm like bit me tell you what this nigga said and it's like I live for it I live for those moments because you don't judge you be like girl because I would have did the same thing so for sure for sure so tonight's episode ladies dear ladies the fellas got questions okay so uh I feel like guys I want to be in a group chat like I want to know what what they say about us so this is going to be a two-part series um this is part one basically ladies um the fellas have questions we want to know or they want to know and then part two it'll be the reverse so stay tuned for the reverse because boy I'm I'm more excited about that one because I want to know what they be saying because they be they play way too much okay so let's get into it um so let's be real for a minute men and women have been trying to figure out each other since the beginning of time we date each other we love each other we break each other's hearts and yet somehow we still struggle we still struggle to understand each other and you want to know why because there are so many questions we think but never ask questions right questions women ask men or want to ask men but are afraid of the answer or afraid it might hurt their feelings questions men want to ask women but are afraid they'll get judged or even for even thinking it so for so instead of asking we just play games we play mind games we assume we overthink we read into their text we analyze their tone we ask our friends is this what this means probably I don't know instead of just asking the person that we're dating and then we wonder why dating feels so confusing but the truth is getting to know someone requires honesty curiosity and a little bit of bravery you have to be brave enough to ask those uncomfortable questions brave enough to listen to the answer that might challenge you and what you believe about love relationships and even yourself so tonight we're gonna do a little something different we're gonna be putting all those questions out on the table the questions that women are afraid to ask men and some of the conversations could actually help us understand each other but by the end of the day love is not about guessing it's about communication so let's talk yeah so Gabby what was the weirdest thing you did to like break it off with somebody like how did you just somebody did something to you was like yeah no I can't and just stop talking to them oh I am like an uh in the past I was a notorious ghoster like a child like really and you know what the thing is it wasn't that I was like afraid to approach them because I am like I can be confrontational if I need to I just really just didn't give a fuck I truly just would be like that's enough like I don't have energy to pour into this if you came at me a little weird I'm already like absolutely not the hell no for me hell no and I just learned how to get good with ghosting like I'm terrible at ghosting I gotta give you a explanation yes hell no hell no that's crazy you're too sweet I'm like bye read between the lines it depend I think it depends on the person too and how long y'all have been talking yeah yes because that's true if I think it's easier when I just meet somebody and we're just like chopping it up I had a guy tell me one time like we're just talking or whatever and I'm just we're on FaceTime by the way and he's talking and I'm asking him like probing questions I'm like okay this isn't making sense so he literally tells me like I don't think uh I'm smart enough to talk to you and I'm like you know what that might be the smartest thing so he did have to work right girl yeah and honestly you're not as dumb as you think then because you're smart enough to see that but still this is going absolutely nowhere thank you for your time block immediately versus somebody that you know you've been kicking it with vibing with I gotta keep coming back I need results I need like but why you acting like that though yeah I I hear you sometimes there's conversations that are like you just have to put it on there and be like explain yourself your behavior's weird and that's just like the Gemini in me I think I just I'm just not a quitter you're gonna like we're gonna see this through we are going to see this through um there's like trendy things that are going out like now in the you know we're all in the social media era and there's like these trendy dating things that are people doing like 5050 and all these like weird things. What is a weird uh dating trend that you wish people would just stop doing um that's a good question.

SPEAKER_02 7:59

I I just hate when a guy asks you out and then asks what you want to do. I I think that there's a lot of put a people in the bag like I just want like you're getting to know someone of course you're like you want to pick something that they like I get it but again to know someone you just gotta pick something and roll with it and see if she's down to ride with you and just have a date like I don't understand why that it has to be like I want to take you out what do you like to do what do you like to eat what do you want I'm like can you plan something I'm I'm chill I go with the flow like right it's it's tough to that that I that I need to I need men to step up and just plan a date.

SPEAKER_04 8:39

Facts and I think with that too it's like in the course of the the us talking and getting to know each other we're talking about different things so it's like even if you haven't picked up on anything that I said that stuck out to you it's like well let me just bring her into my world and like I like doing this. That's what you like. Right and it's like that also is like oh wow you're into this okay that's a conversation starter that kind of you know versus hey you want to come over to my crib and watch movies um no no absolutely not you want to cook food you want to cook food and watch movies no like no if you want to take me out let's do something and like you said we can go from there see how it is you pick this day I pick the next we go back and we go back and thank you it's collaborative and I think the problem is we put a lot of pressure on them already for certain things so they automatically come into the situation thinking like okay I gotta pay for this I gotta do this I gotta do that right just plan the date bro just plan the date that's it you know I've had it where guys would literally send me like screenshots of like hey would you do this are you interested in doing this like we should do this for a date and I'm like yeah I'm totally down and that's it yeah I can't see I like I like a man who listens so like you said if we're chatting you can pick a few things out that you heard me say just pay attention and you can plan based off of that listen listen they don't they don't they don't Billy had eight apples and it's not clicking it's not clicking um what's something in your past that taught you like taught you about love and relationships like what has your past taught you um I I have learned to set boundaries but at the same time be more forgiving with things too so I see that I see both sides of the coin now that I'm in my 30s dating um I give people a little more grace this time around where when I was younger I was kind of a I like my things a certain way my way yes so I'm learning that like you can have boundaries but you don't have to belittle a man no nobody wants to be belittled or dasculated. So to find to give someone a little grace that's important that's definitely important I don't know what I'd be doing I'd just be out here um because I'll be in love Gab like I be in love you love Amanda and I'm like I will love you down like you show me something it's just like again from my past it's more so like um overall I guess my past because abandonment and all those things like I want to give I have so much love to give and it's free so I think for me like it's not doing any it's not doing any harm is what I'm thinking. But in the long run if it's not reciprocated then it is doing a lot of harm I guess um exactly yes and and that's what I'm learning like to you can so it's okay to preserve um something like and just save it just uh while you're observing the person um and getting to know them because you like me I like you we getting married like what we doing I'm what we doing that's that's that's how I'm coming into the situation but you can do that I know guys relax I know I know um okay I love that one um do you feel that men in our generation have given up on the idea of marriage yes absolutely um I don't know there's a I that's a very good question and something that keeps me up at night um I have yeah I have siblings I'm friends with a lot of guys straight guys um I've heard some wild things come out their mouths of that they're not sure that they could be faithful to one woman um that they would love to be you know have the woman at home and have someone they can vibe with but they're not sure that they could do it for that long.

SPEAKER_02 13:08

Right yeah so I'm not sure that men or most men want to settle down in this day. I think they the the grass is always greener and that's how they see a lot of the situation is that there with social media there's so many people out there they just think that the next person's gonna come along they're not really worried about the vibe they're worried about just that quick fix. Yeah so I'm not sure that they yeah see see a marriage and want that anymore.

SPEAKER_04 13:38

Yeah and social media definitely um plays a big part on that and it's just like I've heard it to where it's like oh yeah why I get married oh it's just a piece of paper um you're gonna take all my money and I'm like whoa why are we talking about divorce though we're not even like already you're planning for our demise like I don't like I see something in what we got going on where like I'm comfortable enough to say like unless you cheat on me like I'm not trying to like divorce you like that's not the goal here. Um exactly and all the the foundational blocks that we're putting in as far as like um getting to know each other building just building uh you know we're not even supposed to be dating but as far as dating um that's the whole point right and even though people change I feel like you're planning for the negative so most men automatically feel like women want to get married because they don't want to work they just want to uh they just someone to take care of that someone to take care of them and nobody I guess in this day and age believes in fifty again that 50-50 if I scratch your back you scratch my back and that's not the narrative that's painted for marriage um a lot of the celebrities get married and you see within six months they're getting divorced and it's just like all right well she had his baby and she's taking all this money right um and that's kind of like the the perception which is kind of it's kind of a downer because it's like a handful of people that um you do see married like I followed Tabitha Brown and her husband and I love their relationship because I feel like above everything they put God first and they don't let anything or anyone stop their show.

SPEAKER_02 15:38

Like they run their show they change they run the narrative and I feel like back to what you said as far as um you know having multiple women I feel like that's all in self-control yes and men lack that in this generation people let me not just put it on men a lot of people right self-control and that's like okay you you can't control yourself like you're that uh hyper sexual because it it really boils down to being hypersexual um and just being in control of the situation and feeling like okay yeah I'm the man um which oh oh you know everybody you know it's part of the kingdom we all have multiple wives I hate that I freaking hate that I hate that that's not even a thing but it's like you can't even take care of one woman and you want multiple women exactly literally we can't and in in this economy that's crazy you live in New Jersey oh lord listen no way there's no way I don't believe it oh my gosh okay so with that idea in our generation about marriage and you know how men view it is there anything that we as women can do differently that can help change that thought process is there anything that we're doing um now that may be changing that or what can we do like going forward that we can probably change the outcome of men wanting to get married I think because things the cost of everything is expensive we're all out here hustling we're struggling it's not feasible to have you know the woman at home and the man make the money things have to be split in a lot of cases I think the expectation of a man to carry all that alone isn't realistic anymore. For sure and so many women want someone who pays for all their things all the time and it's just I'm not sure I I mean who wouldn't love that but I'm not sure that it's feasible it's a lot of pressure for the men out here. Absolutely to be like you have to pay for my nails you pay for my hair all this that and then where we live and you take me out on dates as well and I want to travel as well do you feel like that's selfish in a way yeah it's hard it's it's a it's a lot to expect out of anybody yeah I do I think that's super unfair.

SPEAKER_04 18:05

And I think it's really like delusional because it's like again we are in the day of social media and that's all you see. That's the narrative that they paint like and and this is not shaming anyone who can if you are financially stable right and you have set yourself up and granted even it's still in this economy being successful or whatever it's still you want to be smart with your money um but even even in that in that in that same breath like nah bro no no I don't think it's fair I think it's selfish and along the lines of one person doing everything like what if that person gets hurt that's how I'm looking at it like what who's saving for the rainy day who's preparing for you know that day where like all right he might get laid off can I hold him down can I hold him down and a lot of them's like oh you're a pick me or that's that first of all I like my person I really like them and that's where I think it starts like a lot of these women like the men for what they have right and what they can do. And they're not thinking about the what ifs so if he's paying a hundred and you can keep all your money why are you not like hey babe let's go on a trip let's let's you know take a week off that way you can do the dates and things that you want and it's like things are still getting taken care of you're still getting the dates that you want you're still getting X, Y, and Z. It's just more of a team environment you say that to a female now girl she's gonna bite your head off her but you know um and this is no no judgment but it's like I feel like in this day and age I feel like women we should be nicer I feel like women need to be a little bit nicer and actually look at the person for who they are and actually like them. I have to like a person before I decide I even want to share space with them. And a lot of women don't like these men like they just here's the question right because I seen it on a uh like you know how they be doing those little random on the side of the street questions they'll be like yes um would you live on a planet with all women absolutely not no but I I love women like I really do like all my girlfriends are great people like I surround myself with great women so like ideally it sounds nice we would really have everything covered but I need a man like I really I do I I love men and I need a man but like but a good one that's what I'm saying it's hard to I I want a good guy a good guy and that's the thing like I I know it would be so chaotic you know what I think about I think about the girls bathroom no but I'm in the girls bathroom hyping people up in the girl's bathroom yes please no no no no no no no see I am too I'm talking about every establishment you go to the girls bathroom is disgusting oh yeah everybody that's what I when I think of a planet with all women I think about a girl's bathroom and it's just like nah I can't I can't do it absolutely not um all right so let's talk a little bit about what it's like being a mother um and dating and how that how that um is impacting your life.

SPEAKER_02 21:56

That's a loaded question. Um I've been single for since I uh separated from her father six years ago. Um I've dated people, I've gotten to know people, nothing um too serious. And the challenge is that I'm a full-time single mom.

unknown 22:15

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 22:16

So I don't have every other weekend. I don't have, you know, certain nights free. I have to really plan things ahead of time. Um, I can't talk all the time because she's at an age where she's nosy and curious. So I can't spend an hour on the phone unless she's in bed. Um, so it feels very much like she's my priority, of course, but that I don't have the space or time to dedicate to someone sometimes. It feels like that.

SPEAKER_01 22:45

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 22:45

So the challenge is not dedicating enough time to getting to know someone, or when we already are establishing something and dating, um, planning dates or planning time together to connect becomes challenging.

SPEAKER_04 22:58

Gotcha. Have you um like experienced dating men with children as well?

SPEAKER_02 23:05

Yes, I've done both. I've I've dated people without children and people with children. I think it's easier to date a man with a child who understands the struggle, but then scheduling is a big part on their end as well.

SPEAKER_05 23:17

For sure.

SPEAKER_02 23:18

So the caveat with that is that I have to then we have to link up our schedules. What are you doing in two weeks? Like it becomes a little crazy. Yes, can we pencil this in? Can we do a Thursday night instead of the weekend because that's what works for us? Yeah, it becomes difficult.

SPEAKER_04 23:35

Gotcha. Um so what are some of the misconceptions that men have about dating someone with a child?

SPEAKER_02 23:46

Um, I feel like a lot of the times men assume that I might want more kids or or that I want I I am rushing into something. Oh, she has a kid, so she's looking for stability and she wants to get married tomorrow and a baby by next year. Um yeah, I think people assume that I'm like ready, which like I mean, we're at a certain age, yeah. But I would like it to be more of a conversation than an assumption because I'm not gonna have a child with just the next person I date. I'm good with just one if that's the case. But if it's someone who's worthy and in a space where they're ready to be a father, not just a donor, um, then then it's a conversation.

SPEAKER_05 24:35

For sure.

SPEAKER_04 24:36

That's important. I feel like, yeah, assuming that you just want, but again, this is why we have these kinds of conversations where it's like things that men don't say, like instead of just saying, hey, you know, what what does your future look like or whatever? Guys don't ask those, well, from experience, guys don't ask those futuristic questions for real. Um, and even if they're thinking about the future, I think it makes them clammy, and they just kind of go based off of our body language, our our actions, and try to figure it out. Um, because guys really I guess it's a a pride thing, maybe. Like they don't want to feel like they don't know or whatever. But I feel like that's important when you have children, you have to have dialogue. Like, that's not something we should just assume that you want to have more kids. Like, that's definitely a conversation. Um question why does it seem like single men um are more attracted to women with children? These are men I'm talking about men that don't have kids.

SPEAKER_02 25:43

Yeah, no, I think that's the majority of the pe men who approach me. Um I think they're attracted to maternal energy. I think they I think they see that and like um see what their future could look like. Maybe that gives them a better glimpse of the type of mother you are, woman you are. Um, so they're already judging you just off the rip because of that. And they get a taste of what she could be for their child because a lot of men want a family too. They just don't, like we said, they don't verbalize it. Yeah, or they do, but they're looking for this perfect woman that they doesn't exist.

SPEAKER_05 26:27

Yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_04 26:28

I think for me, on the flip side of not having kids, that's always a conversation for me. Guys are like, oh, you're in your 30s, you don't have no kids. What's wrong with you? Like, whoa, that's crazy, like something's wrong with me, like that's crazy, and not like I would say, like in my 20s, that was like a conversation I had with myself, and I actually I think I was like 25, and I'm looking around, and there's like people around me that are having kids and doing all the things, and I'm just like, damn, I gotta hurry up. I'm I'm running out of time, right? So then I literally rushed into a relationship, um, ignored all the cues, um, thinking that this is what I needed to do. Like, I'm I'm still young, I need to start trying to uh start a family and blase blase. And that was a quick learning experience. Like, don't let nobody pressure you into thinking that you need to be somewhere at a certain point in your life, like where you're supposed to be is where you're supposed to be in in God's time. So, and of course, having having kids is not something that you want to rush, and knowing that I want to get married, it's like for me, I didn't I wasn't looking at it like that. I was just like, I need to get in a relationship, I need to start taking this serious, and I need to start, which was like kind of like the wrong mindset to have. Absolutely, again, learning for learning from my mistakes. Um, but I feel like as a single woman, it's hard to date out here now because all it seems like every man has a kid in in their 30s, like I'm 33, I'll be 34, so it's hard for me to find a guy that's doesn't have kids, and then if he doesn't have kids, girl, the the obstacles that you have to go through, like he's the prize. Like, who's gonna be the girl?

SPEAKER_02 28:32

Like, right, that's huge for this generation, too.

SPEAKER_04 28:36

Like, come on, like the the algebraic equations that you have to go through, like they're literally running you through the mill of questions and tests, like only to get to the end and be like, yeah, no, this is kind of not where I want to be. Like, what? Um, so yeah, um at sometimes I was like, damn, I wish I would uh wish I was a single mother. Like I had those thoughts. I wish I was a single mom because maybe I would have a person. Like they're literally, these are thoughts.

SPEAKER_02 29:09

Well, jokes on both of us. Because I'm not sure, girl. I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 29:18

Um, yeah, no, that's crazy. Like, girl, what are you drinking? Um literally, a little fun game. Uh, do men know this? I'm gonna read a statement, and you can let me know. Like, if you agree or disagree, um, if these are things that you feel like men actually know um women think and feel. Um women notice when men stop putting in effort.

SPEAKER_02 29:50

Do I think that men? No. No.

SPEAKER_04 29:58

No. Yikes. Why? Why do you feel like that?

SPEAKER_02 30:05

Um, because I feel like they pay attention to what they want to, and instead of addressing it, or maybe they do notice and they just don't address it. Um I feel like men are comfortable in a space where they'll be like, well, if she doesn't say it to my face, if she doesn't you know what I mean? Yeah. Like if they don't, if if if she's not gonna call it out, neither am I. Like again, it goes back to ego, and um they'll know yeah, I take it back, they'll notice it, but I don't know if they'll verbalize it.

SPEAKER_04 30:33

They'll verbalize it. Gotcha. Do men know um that that good morning text actually matters? Uh, I hope so.

SPEAKER_02 30:44

I I don't I don't know. Because I feel like some men are good at that, but they might just be saying it to say, I don't know, damn. I'm really overthinking these questions.

SPEAKER_04 30:59

No, you're not, you just whatever.

SPEAKER_02 31:01

I I really think that like those little texts, uh a little good morning text is so easy and takes little to no time, seconds. It takes seconds to send, and it really can change our mood, our energy, and it sets the connection up for the whole day of how our vibe, our connection's gonna be. Yes, especially if we're not seeing each other often, like that is what sets up I don't know, all type of um bonding. Yeah, so like yeah, they should know that it's important to send that little text consistently, hold on.

SPEAKER_04 31:33

Let's see.

SPEAKER_02 31:34

Yes, be specific. Yes.

SPEAKER_04 31:37

And I think tell me if I'm wrong. I think it's the Gemini in me. Like, if you text me all week long at 8 15, good morning. If next week you text me at 10:30, why the UA text me at 8 15, good morning? What are we doing?

SPEAKER_02 31:52

We're like, the switch of this crazy. I'm like, I feel a shit. That's a crazy Gemini thing to say for sure. I'm like, I'm just happy to be texting.

SPEAKER_04 32:01

Thank you. I'm up looking at my phone making my car. I'm like, hold on, what happened? My thing is it's just it's again, don't judge me. I am healing, okay? Of course, of course.

SPEAKER_02 32:13

No, but it really is little effort that goes a long way. Something very simple, it costs nothing. Your phone bill's already paid, just shoot a call.

SPEAKER_04 32:22

It takes two seconds. And even if you can't like there's I'm looking at it from a technology standpoint of when we grew up, you know, call me after seven. We made more of an effort back then to communicate with one another with limited communication. Um, and then now we have all the access. You have your you added me on all my social medias. You have my phone number. Nine times in the two, we both got iPhones. Like you can send a voice note if your finger's not working.

SPEAKER_02 32:53

Like, I love a voice note. I love a voice note. Please send me a good morning voice note. Like, I'm just thinking about you. Yes. Again, it takes three seconds, but I live for that.

SPEAKER_04 33:05

Three seconds. I hate the voice notes or the text that say, like, oh, I didn't get a chance to to listen to your message or read your message, but I'm driving and I what do what do you mean? What do you mean? Who's in your passenger seat? Like that's part. That is that is that toxic.

SPEAKER_02 33:29

No, because uh what do you mean? That's a perfect time to listen to me talk. What are we talking about?

SPEAKER_04 33:35

What do you want to listen to music for? You got me. Like, call me.

SPEAKER_02 33:38

You have my voice. Right. That that's a terrible excuse. Next.

SPEAKER_04 33:43

I love you guys. I love you so much. Oh my god. Because we are so on point. Okay. Women pay attention to how men treat strangers.

SPEAKER_05 33:55

Yes. Yeah. I agree. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 34:01

Um, yeah, I'm gonna leave that one because that's a whole um women remember the first time a man made them feel safe. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 34:14

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_04 34:16

Yeah, for me, I feel like um any form of like like security, like I'm paying, especially in the early stages, I'm paying attention to all that. Like all the little things that you're doing. Like, are you opening the door? Like, are you making sure like I'm on the inside of the street when we're walking? Like those little things I feel like are the building blocks. Like, I've stopped talking to a guy because he I'm like, why? I'm walking on the outside of the street. You you're rude to the staff. Oh no, gotta go.

SPEAKER_02 34:47

Black a hundred percent. Or I was walking in Philly with a guy and he's walking like ahead of me. Yeah, what are you hustling to do? We're walking with each other, we're just in each other's company. That was dry as fuck for me. Dry.

SPEAKER_04 35:00

Yes, yes, yes, immediately, yes, and I've even been in situations where I've dated what what I would show me the type of person that they are. I've dated guys where we were exclusive. So I thought, we were exclusive, and we would be out and about, and like you walking like I'm your homegirl, like we're not together, like hello, like or you're not, or we're together and you act like I'm not there, and you see somebody you know, and it's like, hey, what's up? And I'm just like, hey, I'm over here, like that type, that type of deal, right? All right, let's get into the T. These is the questions that um some of these questions I actually hate. Um, and I'm pretty sure you'll feel the same. Um certain things are more important to some men than others. Um, do you feel like sometimes the questions that men ask during the dating phase tell you more about the type of man that he is?

SPEAKER_02 36:02

Yes, what he puts his attention to, absolutely.

SPEAKER_04 36:06

Like, what's your body count?

SPEAKER_02 36:08

Always that. It's always that. It's always that. Or like, do you still fuck on your ex because I have a baby dad? Do you still is that still I'm like, that man is my brother at this point, right? Right we are not connected in that way, but definitely those two questions off the rip is always like, what are you getting at?

SPEAKER_05 36:28

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 36:29

Because if I ask you those same questions, get the f out of here.

SPEAKER_04 36:33

What is something you hate being asked or feel like is irrelevant?

SPEAKER_02 36:39

Other than that question, nothing about a count. Um hold on. I don't know, that's a good question.

SPEAKER_04 36:52

Um, I don't know. It's I don't like DNS, like stuff like that, like you had a one night stand or like Yes.

SPEAKER_02 37:01

Would you ever have a threesome stand? Would you have a threesome? Like, ew. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 37:06

Disgusting.

SPEAKER_02 37:07

Block immediately. Anything anything that gets sexual too quick, I don't want to engage it. Right. Because I'm like, I'm trying to get to know you, and that's where your head's at. That already tells me what type of guy, what you're looking for. I'm not gonna take you seriously.

SPEAKER_04 37:20

You know what I hate for real? Send me a pick. Oh, god, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 37:29

At this age, Gabby, at this age.

SPEAKER_02 37:33

I'm at work or I'm home in my granny panties and uh t-shirt. Like, please, my hair's wrapped up for the night.

SPEAKER_04 37:40

I'm dying. I'm dying. I'm dying. I just can't like do you know what I look like 90% of the time? And you talking about I want to see your face, then pull up so you can see me in this bonnet.

SPEAKER_02 37:52

Pull up on me, like in my X, my 3XLT. With my Saggy Baby top, please. It's not cute, but uh you can pull up for sure.

SPEAKER_04 38:04

Like, I got my mask on, I got my eye patches on, pull up, right? And I feel like we need to start sending niggas pictures like that. Like, you want to pick all for it.

SPEAKER_02 38:15

Oh, you want to pick Staggy Boob City? Let's go. Yes, I hope that that does something for you.

SPEAKER_04 38:22

Well, look, they love a good moo moo, so I'm just saying. That's true.

SPEAKER_02 38:26

They do also I don't want them to send a picture. I mean that's kind of don't send me an unsolicited penis picture. I hate that.

SPEAKER_01 38:36

I hate it.

SPEAKER_02 38:37

Because, like, send me a warning. Don't warn me.

SPEAKER_04 38:46

No, deadass, bro.

SPEAKER_02 38:49

I hate that.

SPEAKER_04 38:50

If if if y'all can see like what my face looks like when I see, I'm just like I dropped my phone.

SPEAKER_02 38:55

I'm like, uh I don't even care how good it looks. My lip is curled up and I'm annoyed. I brought like confused because nobody asks you. How dare you? How dare you assault my phone like that? Crazy work. Sexual harassment. Yeah, I'm blocking immediately reporting this.

SPEAKER_04 39:23

And look, if it's nice, I love to send it. Oh my god. And it's like, girl, I can't do, I can't do it. I can't even and sometimes even if I do like you, like I still I wanna come come to me. Like if you can send me a picture, pull up.

SPEAKER_02 39:43

Which chat in person?

SPEAKER_04 39:44

Yeah, and then you if you would decide you want to pull it out, okay. Well, hey, like I'm here, but no, don't send me no pick.

SPEAKER_01 39:52

Mm-mm.

SPEAKER_04 39:53

That part. What is something that actually attracts you to a guy?

SPEAKER_02 39:59

I love when a guy has sisters and he's nice to them. I love a guy who's close to his mother, but like not in too much, but like respectful of women. Like we said, if you're nice to the service people or you're nice just in general, just friendly when we're out to people. I love a friendly, chatty guy. Yeah, immediately attracted, that you're like fun and friendly and like outgoing. I love that.

SPEAKER_04 40:24

I love that that says a lot about his character. Um another question. Why don't we tell them what we really want when they ask us?

SPEAKER_02 40:39

Oh, we're afraid. We're afraid of the judgment or the rejection that that might bring.

SPEAKER_05 40:47

Heavy on the rejection.

SPEAKER_04 40:48

Like, cause that that's a that's a sucky feeling. Um why do women say that they want honesty but get mad when they get it?

SPEAKER_02 41:00

Ooh, that's a good one. Um I don't know, but I think we we let our ego get in the way a lot too.

SPEAKER_04 41:08

Yeah. I feel like we think we know what what they're gonna say. Like, I feel like we're smarter than men. We'll just put it out there. Um, so I think we already have like a preset response or a preset expectation, and that's why you should manage your expectations. So it's like, all right, well, do you think I'm pretty? Like, I know I'm pretty, but well, yeah, you could lose a little weight. Oh, ouch! Wait a minute. Wasn't expecting that. Like the honesty in certain things, but I feel like you should be able to, if we're dating, we should be able to be honest, bro. Like, I look at it as like we we having sex. Like, why you can't say that's what I'm looking right? Like, we're having sex, bro. Like, so like you should be able to say how you feel or be honest with me, and I shouldn't get offended. Um, but again, we're sensitive, we're emotional creatures too. I feel like in our emotion rather than our logic kicked in at that point, like, oh my god, you hurt my feelings.

SPEAKER_02 42:11

Absolutely, definitely more emotional, where we like, yeah, it strikes a chord and then we get a little defensive.

SPEAKER_05 42:17

Yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_04 42:18

And of course, we there's therapy for that because I feel like that's something that we we shouldn't, because I feel like I said, we're if I can be vulnerable with my body, you know, and also it depends on the delivery, like you can't be a jerk, um but if you're honestly telling me something for like the betterment of me, we should be a little bit more understanding, like, okay, he's saying this for my own benefit. Um, what's what's something that makes a man unforgettable in bed?

SPEAKER_02 42:54

Uh uh confidence being a giver. Yeah, for sure. Um, liking, yeah, enjoying the process. I think also men who let their guard down and just have fun with it instead of like trying to look their best or perform their best, like really just connecting with the woman. And I think that always makes for like two vulnerable people will always have more fun.

SPEAKER_04 43:16

Yes. Patience. I feel like patience, like eye contact. Oh, eye contact. Hello, hello, look at me. Yeah, uh talk me through it, like yes, no, seriously, like talk me, say some say some words, chat with me. Let's talk about this. Let's chat. Right, okay, let's try it.

SPEAKER_02 43:40

Too quiet. I don't know about it.

SPEAKER_04 43:42

Oh my gosh. Get out of here. Um, does size matter?

SPEAKER_02 43:48

Yes, every time.

SPEAKER_03 43:51

Every time that extremely quick, okay.

SPEAKER_02 43:54

Because I stand by that. Does it have to be um insane? No, it Have to be like the biggest thing in the world, but it does, and you have to know what to do with it too.

SPEAKER_04 44:05

I was gonna say that. I feel like it depends on the driver.

SPEAKER_02 44:09

Yeah, that's a huge point. But again, that's why you have to lead with confidence because it can be great just by you being yourself and coming with what you have, but like small, absolutely not. I'm sorry. Not for me. That's for somebody, and it's not for me.

SPEAKER_04 44:23

So, what about like would you rather have a man who's more experienced, who has like a lot of women under his belt to know like at least I know he knows what he's doing versus somebody who really don't have that much experience?

SPEAKER_02 44:36

No, I can teach someone. Okay, okay. I I'm comfortable being able to experiment and bring you out of your shell. So my I my thing is if it's someone who's had a lot of bodies, which is fine, I don't judge off of that. But sometimes I'm gonna think like, where'd you live that? I'm gonna have sex one. But I'm crazy. I'm too crazy for that. I rather have an an experience and I I'll teach you some things.

SPEAKER_04 45:03

Yeah. For me, like, man, that's a that's a tough one, right? It's hard. It's hard because it's like I again, I'm thinking about my age, like marriage. I know how I am, and it's like I feel like it depends on on the the relationship. Like, I wouldn't mind teaching if you're willing to listen and learn. Yes. Don't come in here. Don't come in here. Don't come in here thinking you know. Don't come in here thinking you know. You you okay. So, did you see the movie Wait into Exhale? No. Okay, I'm gonna have to put you on. There's a scene in that movie where it's a heavier set guy, he's with a pretty girl, and he comes in super confident, like, yeah, girl, I'm about to put it on you. And he's like, two seconds, and she's like, That's it? Like, don't come in here. She was like, I ain't even get to see it. Like, he was she was like, What? I don't get to see if I don't get to see what I'm working with. So for me, like, hold on. If you got what you got, okay, cool. But if you don't know what you're doing, allow me to like talk you through it and allow me to take charge in that. If because most men, you know if you know what you're doing, some guys don't, or whatever. But I think I might I like a little bit of seasoning.

SPEAKER_02 46:22

Right.

SPEAKER_04 46:23

I like I like seasoning.

SPEAKER_02 46:25

No, I'm nodding. I'm like, absolutely. Like, but I think if that's the case, if you're not super um experienced or know what you're doing, I think it's just good to slow it down. Don't rush, because like clearly you know it's gonna end up in that two seconds. You have to kind of prolong things, so you have to go a little slower.

SPEAKER_04 46:45

Extend that four play.

SPEAKER_02 46:46

Extend it, yes. That part and every man can take a little bit of a activities or something.

SPEAKER_04 46:54

So like, I got all night, like what?

SPEAKER_02 46:56

Right, it doesn't have to be two seconds as much as you want it to be.

unknown 47:01

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_04 47:02

And then they're gonna ask you, how was it? Um, I don't know. It just got started. I don't know. So literally. Um, all right, so again. Has a man or have you ever realized like you were having sex with a man and he faked the orgasm?

SPEAKER_02 47:23

I don't know. That would be crazy, but I mean I don't I don't know. I don't think so. I think I would be my ego would be hit. I'd be a little upset. I have something to prove. How was that? How that got?

SPEAKER_04 47:42

I mean, I so again, I'm so in tune with my partner, like, down to your heartbeat, right?

SPEAKER_02 47:52

Oh, true.

SPEAKER_04 47:53

So it was so I felt like I was in a movie, and that I was like tripping. Like, did you just do that? Oh, with the sound effects and everything, like, oh I'm like, whoa. I'm like, whoa. So it's either so it was either you really did, and nothing came out because you've been out here wilding, right? Okay, and you ain't have enough in the tank, okay? Or you like he faked it, he literally faked it. He literally faked it.

SPEAKER_02 48:31

But then taking that personal.

SPEAKER_04 48:33

Oh my god. I didn't hurt for a second. Oh my god, and listen, uh not going there. Um, but it was I was like stunned. I was like, did he just he didn't just do that? But then pr commenced to like finish me off. So it was like I got mine for real, for real. But then the whole time, like I'm I'm checking. I'm like, nah, nah, that didn't happen. You did not just do that, like and that was good.

SPEAKER_03 49:09

I'm like, what? A full theatrical performance. Like, bro, you should be on Broadway, like what?

SPEAKER_04 49:19

Like that girl.

SPEAKER_02 49:21

No, that's crazy.

SPEAKER_04 49:22

But okay, so this goes into my next question. Um, how does it make you feel when you have to ask for it?

SPEAKER_02 49:32

Ugh, I hate that. I I don't enjoy that, or if I have to be the pursuer, like it's not ideal. I don't love that feeling because I feel like I'm the woman and I should be like, you know, pursued. But every once in a while it's okay to switch it up. No, no, you're like absolutely not.

SPEAKER_04 49:53

No, no, I think it's a difference in asking for it than just initiating it. Yes, that's true. I come from a place where I never had to ask for it. Like the the feeling of being desired was always a thing for me. Um, like the person I'm doing like is the desires me, desires to just touch me, to be around me, to just be in my space. So that's nice to come up north and experience that for the first time. Yeah, like to to it's like, do you like me? Like you know what I'm saying, and not even just from a sexual standpoint, but to just be desired as a woman, like wow, you're beautiful. I just want to touch you. Come here, let me hug you, and just to that that feels amazing. And then to be with someone who's like they don't get tired of you, you know what I'm saying? Like they want to be with you, like they want that intimate time with you. So for me, I don't I feel like I'm begging. If I have to ask you, and it's like, oh, so are we like I feel weird, and then if you tell me no, I just feel like I just bet no, uh, no.

SPEAKER_02 51:11

And that's a turn off for me because I don't want to have to tell you. I don't want to have to feel like you don't want me. Yes, I'm not I'm not gonna like push you to want me. I'm literally gonna go the opposite way.

SPEAKER_04 51:21

Absolutely, and it's like I'm again, and that because we're emotional, that plays on our psyche, I think, where it comes where for sure we start looking at ourselves different, like, oh, is there something wrong with me, or whatever the case may be? What's going on? Yeah, right. And then asking a man, like, is it are you okay? Like, is there something wrong with me? The the answer is never the truth. It's like, nah, you good, what's wrong? What's the why would you say that? Because they don't want to hurt our feelings. No, if it's an issue, say it, express it, but yeah, no, I'm not ill. Ugh. I don't want to ask. Um if two people are dating for marriage, how important should sex actually be?

SPEAKER_02 52:04

I think it's very important. I think it's extremely important to be intimate with your partner. Um, there's other ways to connect, of course, but being vulnerable and intimate is such a bonding experience that it to me it's very crucial.

SPEAKER_04 52:20

That's a different answer. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 52:23

I uh I don't know, Gab. I feel like are you you don't think it's super important? Do you think that like a marriage could be sustainable without it?

SPEAKER_04 52:34

Um I I feel like in the dating phase, I feel like it shouldn't be on the top of the list, or I agree. Um I'm trying to get a feel for it because again, from experience, it's more like if you give it up too quick, you are labeled as one thing. And then if you make them wait, you're labeled as one thing. But then as like talking to men, it's like men, some men respect you more because you make them wait or you don't give it up too early. Some men think that you you know, it's just so many different things, and I've been on both sides of the spectrum. So now I'm like sitting here, I'm like, I guess the a man who really like respects you is not gonna look at you a certain way, like they're just gonna see that you're going with the flow. Yes, if we're dating to marry, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I have an experience where uh well no, I have, but the the thing that sits in my mind is like when is it too early? When is it too soon to give it up to someone that like that? Yes, so I don't know that part I don't know. It's like I just go with how you treat me, the vibe, like what are we doing? Like where you're not pressuring me. If I don't feel like you're pressuring me to do it, and like we're really enjoying each other and we've had like intimate spaces, I feel like okay, I'm okay with where this is going, so why not?

SPEAKER_02 54:02

I agreed. I feel like once you're in a space that's comfortable and you both are connecting on that level, then it happens naturally, and then neither one should judge. You know what I mean? Because it's not rushed, it's not forced.

SPEAKER_04 54:12

I agree for sure. Um, do you have an ooh, I love this one. Do you have an ex that has set the standard of dating for you and that you and that you know that if it's not this or better, you don't want it.

SPEAKER_02 54:31

Yes, absolutely. Um, I haven't had many, but in a short amount of time after dating for like funsies, um, after my child's father, I've like been very picky of what I take with me and what I leave behind. And I love someone who's quick to gas me up with love. Yeah, like you're my hype man, you're like, oh my god, you're like I'm proud of you, you're hardworking, you're loving, you're this, you're that, you're that. I need a hype man, I need someone in my corner, I need someone who's willing to hype me up because I do that for people too.

unknown 55:09

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 55:11

So, like, I I'm gonna be your champion, I'm gonna be writing for you. I need that scene before I be like, no, I can do that first for someone and they don't give it back. I need my man to hype me.

SPEAKER_04 55:20

Yes, I need all of the things. Like, even if you don't know, uh, thanks. And I feel like even if you don't know, like you can emulate, and this is for the people that are emulating good stuff. Like, if I'm giving you love and I'm giving you support and I'm giving you this open and honest communication, just reciprocate if you don't know specifically, and we got too much internet out here for niggas not to say they don't know. I I'm not taking that excuse no more. Well, I didn't know. How the fuck not? You on Instagram all day. How you don't know? Um, we almost done, girls. Wow, we we done flew through these questions. Okay, all right. Um okay. What is something that would make you spin the block on your ex?

SPEAKER_02 56:06

Oh, I don't do that. I literally I'm notorious for never doing that. You're not gonna spin the block. Uh, it's just once I get the ick, it's um Gabby. You don't be in love enough, Gabby. No, I love I love my hose. I love my hose things. I I really don't though. Like, I have, to be honest, I have, but it doesn't last long because I'm like, oh, you haven't done the work, like you haven't changed. So I would say they'd have to it'd have to be a significant amount of time. Okay, like over a year, and they'd have to really show some maturity and some change of things that we touched on, things that we've had issues in the past where I see that it's different. Yeah, no, like fully, like 180. Like you have to be different, then I'll spin the block.

SPEAKER_05 56:59

Me for sure. Um what about you?

SPEAKER_04 57:04

Yeah, girl. I done did donuts around that block. I ain't gonna and I know that that has always been my MO because I need I just be like, I be You love that man. I love down girl. Love him down, and it's like that is a pattern, okay. Noticing patterns in your dating history is very important. I realize that's a pattern for me. If I love you, let's just not for everybody, um, and if you really did some BS to me, absolutely not. But somebody, I feel like the string was never broken, and I feel like we never fully um saw each other in all forms. I feel like it's not fair to just break it off. But uh, you know, when when the red flags is the red flags, but I feel like nobody's perfect. That's the kind of the mindset that I try to go in. Like, nobody's perfect, everybody has their shit. I have my shit. So it's like you what what shit are you willing to deal with? You gotta pick your heart. So I feel like for me, it it it what it don't really be that bad. It be bad, but it's like, oh, you just oh, we can get over that. That ain't nothing until you start cheating. Then I'm just like, all right, I can't, I can't spend the like the minute you break that and you start messing with other women or you start sharing moments. I've had guys where the chick told me um things that they've done together, and I'm thinking that I'm exclusive with this person. I'm like, and not just sexually, just like intimate moments like cooking together. Like, yo, that's our shit. You know what I'm saying? Like, or doing certain activities. I'm like, yo, I thought, I, how are you have how do you have time to do it with both of us? Like, those are the then the mind starts going. So, like, now like you broke, you broke the our our um like our bonds, our bond, our connection. Like, I'm not sharing nothing I'm doing with nobody else, like no matter, like, it's not even a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I'm not sharing nothing, nothing. So the fact that you know what I mean, you feel okay, and like she she told me the ingredients, how he did it, and it's like I knew it was true because he did the same thing with me. So it's like, yo, that's crazy, right? Incene. Um, what's something that women wish men would ask them more of? Or more?

SPEAKER_02 59:44

I wish men would be more open to getting deep, like to having real conversations. I feel like they say that they're like, I don't like surface level, but then they're terrified of like conversations about feelings. Yeah, it's so bizarre. Um, I feel like being vulnerable and letting the woman um like actually listening, letting the woman be heard. Yeah, a lot of men don't do that.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:10

Absolutely. So to piggyback off that question, what is something that men misunderstand about women's emotions?

SPEAKER_02 1:00:23

That we we can be extremely emotional, but at the end of the day, we can get over it pretty quickly too.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:30

Okay, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:31

We process our emotions quicker than they do. I think they will harp on things and kind of sit with stuff a lot longer than us. We get it off our chest and we're like, all right, and let's move on.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:41

Um, men don't don't give us the floor to let us get our shit off to then move forward. So it's like, yeah, if if we're gonna keep having this conversation, it's because you never saw it through the last time.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:53

Right.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:53

That's why it keeps coming up.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:54

Yeah, and it feels repetitive, and it's like, why do you keep asking me the same thing? Well, if I'm saying it and I'm getting the same results, so clearly we have to keep res revisiting this issue. Like that's it. And then I feel like then I feel like I'm mothering you.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:06

Ugh exactly, because they don't know how to talk and really um listen and absorb things and move forward with it.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:13

Yeah, for sure. And of course, we are very intuitive.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:16

Yes, that too.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:17

So it's like naturally, like my intuit, and it was a woman's intuition. How come y'all can't sense when something's bad? We can sense all things, but when a man is happy, there's no need for intuition. Intuition is there to protect us, it's to keep us safe. So, and a lot of men don't realize that about intuition. It's like, yes, women have intuition, and we pick up on all the bad shit because it's a security blanket. It's basically a red light saying, Hey, you need to pay attention here, or hey, something's not right here. It feels off. It's to keep us safe. If you're doing all the things, I don't need I'm already safe. I'm okay, I'm not in harm's way. So I feel like that's the misconception in how we are emotionally. Like, yeah, we have intuition and we have all these different diff the these different tools that we use to navigate, but also a lot of these men come from a lot of dysfunction. And they aren't their nervous system isn't regulated. So when we're naturally intuitive, if it sends a signal up in their nervous system, like, oh shit, what's going on? Like, a bunch of bells start going off and then they retreat.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:21

Yep. It's too overwhelming for them, too overwhelming.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:25

Um, I just want to uh say I thank you for having this wonderful conversation with me. Um, I feel like we did that quick as hell. I'm looking at the time because we flow, like that's just our flow. Um, but I really encourage people if you are dating or if you're married or whatever, have those conversations, have those uncomfortable conversations, make it a fun thing, make it a game, you know. Do those things that, you know, keep the spark open, even if it's just a regular relationship, um, even with your children. It's important to communicate and talk to one another. You will be surprised what you learn and what you find out by just asking those questions. It may be uncomfortable, um and but you'll grow from it if you're the type of person that is willing to learn and wants to evolve, ask those questions. Take a moment, write things down, get things out of your head, um, and just go for it. And then you'll realize by maybe by the end of the year you've learned something and you'll be able to change some things that you didn't know about yourself. Um, you have any uh advice um you want to leave us with, Kev?

SPEAKER_02 1:03:41

As far as dating, um focusing on connection, focusing on authentic connection, it will never steer you wrong. I think that it is hard dating out there, but I feel that there's still good people out there. We're a testament to that. We're good women, and I know there's good men out there, so I just want to keep focusing on the positive of it all and building real connections.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:04

Absolutely. Again, let's give it up for our special guest, Gabriella Diaz. Um, I love you so much, and I wish you all the best with all of your endeavors, girl. We're gonna talk.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:17

Um thank you for having me.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:20

Yes, ma'am, and we out, y'all.