"Your Ex Was On Our Cruise"

Ever wonder what makes the first five years of marriage so challenging? Or how couples handle unexpected encounters with old flames? In this episode of Score One for the Grades, Lynwood and Akiba grab the mic to share their heartfelt, unfiltered truths about marriage, loyalty, and outside influences. Get ready for raw honesty and actionable insights that might just change how you see your own relationship.
In this episode:

Timestamps:

00:00 - Intro: Why marriage is a journey of seasons
11:17 - The ups and downs of different marriage seasons – peaks, valleys, and even an EKG metaphor
43:50 - Handling encounters with females out in public: honesty, introduction, and respect
73:30 - The dangers of gossip and how to avoid external negativity
78:08 - The importance of having outlets and trusted individuals to share concerns
83:05 - Personal weekly highlights and unexpected surprises—keeping joy alive
85:15 - Candles, fragrances, and the importance of honest reviews (and why smell matters!)

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:01

Welcome to Score One for the Grays, episode five. Typically, you be um, you're the keeper of the episodes.

SPEAKER_05 0:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 0:11

But we'd have done so many takes now. I know which episode it is.

SPEAKER_05 0:16

You're not supposed to tell people that.

SPEAKER_01 0:18

I'm just saying.

SPEAKER_05 0:19

We get it in one take.

SPEAKER_01 0:20

It was hard to act surprised this time. It's like, okay, I didn't say episode five. Five times, two times. Anyways, we're gonna start the show uh with something we started last week.

SPEAKER_00 0:31

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 0:32

Which is Akiba, what we burning.

SPEAKER_05 0:36

We are burning Backyard Honeysuckle from Bath and Body Works.

SPEAKER_01 0:43

And back backyard honeysuckle from Bath and Body Works. Yes. Okay. Typically I'm I'm a fruity type dude, but I'm gonna keep an open. Wait a minute, hold up. Timeout. Wait a minute. Let me get a quick TO. So uh usually I enjoy fragrances that are more towards the fruit flavors.

SPEAKER_05 1:05

Same here.

SPEAKER_01 1:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:06

So but I wanted to keep an open mind and try new things.

SPEAKER_01 1:11

I'm gonna have an open mind as well. If it's if it's if it's if it's banging, I'm gonna let you know it's banging. If it ain't, me too. I'm gonna let you know it ain't.

SPEAKER_05 1:18

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 1:19

Backyard honeysuckle from Bath and Body Works.

SPEAKER_05 1:22

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 1:23

Okay. All right. Yes. Cool.

SPEAKER_05 1:25

Actually, actually, this was recommended to me by somebody.

SPEAKER_01 1:29

Oh, that comes. Does it come highly recommended?

SPEAKER_05 1:33

Not gonna say highly recommended, but they they enjoyed it.

SPEAKER_01 1:36

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 1:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:38

I don't either why I pushed it further with the high, like they either liked it or they didn't. But anyway, we're gonna continue on with the show with our normal format of wife question, then husband question, then we're gonna do a um question from the outside, and then we're gonna talk about what happened this week.

SPEAKER_05 1:59

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 2:00

Sounds good.

SPEAKER_02 2:01

Sounds good. So you know what's first wife question.

SPEAKER_01 2:09

Well, you know what? We have done before.

SPEAKER_05 2:10

Yes, yes, we have. So that's why I'm like, what?

SPEAKER_01 2:13

Yeah, we have um switched it up before. But what I'm gonna do is I guess uh let you decide this time.

SPEAKER_02 2:23

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 2:25

Which which one you wanna do first? You wanna hear mine or you wanna do yours?

SPEAKER_02 2:28

Let me do mine, because you know, and there's a little one deep. We got a deep one? Mm-hmm. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 2:38

All right. We'll do wife question, then we'll do husband question, then we'll do the outside question, then we'll do what we got going on for the week, starting, like I said, with the wife question.

SPEAKER_02 2:50

Okay. What season of the marriage do you think was the hardest?

Wife Question: Most Challenging Season of Our Marriage So Far?

SPEAKER_02 2:59

What season of the marriage was the most difficult? Uh I I would say the first five.

SPEAKER_01 3:16

The first five, since we got 20 something in, I could say the first five to first five years. First five years. The first five years. But I mean, yeah, the first five years was the season that was the most difficult.

SPEAKER_05 3:33

Um I didn't say difficult. I said challenging.

SPEAKER_01 3:37

Challenging?

SPEAKER_02 3:39

They're synonymous to me. So maybe I should ask you. Challenging sounds a little softer than difficult. Okay.

SPEAKER_05 3:52

But no, I mean, you're right. They are the same, but I wanted to sugarcoat.

SPEAKER_01 3:59

Challenging sounds better to you?

SPEAKER_05 4:01

I don't know. I guess so.

SPEAKER_01 4:02

I can go with challenging. It means the same thing to me, so I can I can I can go with challenging.

SPEAKER_05 4:07

You are absolutely right. It means the same thing. But when it's, I guess it's softer than, you know.

SPEAKER_01 4:14

Okay. Well, with a with a soft tone. I would say this. Stop us.

SPEAKER_05 4:25

A soft tone. Maybe hush.

SPEAKER_01 4:28

No, really. I was trying to add you wanted soft, so I was trying to add a soft uh what uh uh the script says like a kind, a soft voice brings something. I don't know. I forgot it.

SPEAKER_05 4:41

You're being facetious. I'm not being facetious.

SPEAKER_01 4:45

Uh I'm not being facetious. I'm really um trying to make it less, I don't know.

SPEAKER_05 4:53

Answer, baby.

SPEAKER_01 4:54

What season was the most challenging? My answer is the first five years. And it I there's a lot of other adjectives I would um describe the first five years of being. Um but uh I I actually your I don't he might not even remember that your dad actually told me that that the first five was finna be the most the most difficult. Challenging, challenging, the most, the most challenging. And it was. But I but I think I know why anyway.

SPEAKER_02 5:27

Okay, why? Since you think you know.

SPEAKER_01 5:31

I alluded to it, I I alluded to this in a previous podcast, but it's the approach towards marriage. We didn't do anything, we didn't do anything, um, well, we did do something different. But what's common is that people approach it without the proper training, and we approached it without the proper training. So that let's say if you 17 and uh if you 17 and somebody gifts you with a Ferrari.

SPEAKER_04 6:11

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 6:11

You ain't never drove before.

SPEAKER_04 6:13

All right.

SPEAKER_01 6:14

And somebody gifts you with a Ferrari. So now you have a Ferrari, but you've never driven before, and you ain't never had no training, you never had no drive, whatever. You may be able to drive that Ferrari and not have any kind of accidents or instances. May, you know, there's some people get behind the wheel and they and they naturals. Nine times out of ten, somebody who drives something with the with the amount of horsepower that a Ferrari has, and that's their first vehicle, nine times out of ten, it's gonna be, it's gonna be, it's gonna get beat up in some in some type of way. And they didn't do anything to, you know, prior to as far as investing in in that Ferrari. Somebody gifted it to them.

SPEAKER_02 7:01

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 7:02

So uh until you know what it's like to drive a Ferrari or know what it's like to drive, period, and know the do's and the don'ts, and the this and that, you're gonna have a challenging time. Now, I do have more of an appreciation for the word challenging, because if I use that same analogy, you're gonna have a challenging time trying to drive a Ferrari, and that was the first time you drove before. So it's gonna be challenging, but when you do gain experience, you're gonna become better at driving that Ferrari. And the same thing with marriage, provided that you want to become better, that two people want to become better. Um and and and so that's that, you know, that comes with all type of stuff. Um it comes with um sometimes it comes with more than challenging situations, come with some real difficulties in them first five years. And but but I mean, you know, you you may get out on the other side of it um much stronger and and wiser. But it's definitely the most challenging.

SPEAKER_02 8:24

Would you agree with that? Yes. Yes, I do. But I guess, yeah, I do agree that it was the first five. And it was the element of learning. Yep. What was um Yes.

SPEAKER_01 8:47

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 8:48

I do agree.

SPEAKER_01 8:49

And due to the approach, the lack of training prior to.

SPEAKER_05 8:53

I can't say that.

SPEAKER_01 8:54

Well, that's why I actually did you agree?

SPEAKER_05 8:55

No, I don't want to say training or anything. Okay. I like to say we didn't know, we it that that's I feel like it's the most challenging time because that's when you're really getting to know each other, living together. You're in each other's space. You're learning how each other does certain things. You may not agree with your approach. Like, let's let's take food. Let's take food, right? You say it was yours is mine, it was mine is yours. No, you say, No, you say that, right? So we're sharing.

SPEAKER_00 9:30

Yes.

SPEAKER_05 9:31

So I'll go to the store.

SPEAKER_02 9:34

I'll get a snack, right? You don't typically eat this snack. But I get it.

SPEAKER_01 9:43

Well, you don't want to say what a snack is.

SPEAKER_05 9:46

Strawberry wafers. Strawberry wafers, okay?

SPEAKER_01 9:50

Okay, a snack that I that I wouldn't go in the store and buy.

SPEAKER_05 9:52

You would not go in the store and buy.

SPEAKER_01 9:54

I got you.

SPEAKER_05 9:54

But you will absolutely be like, can I have some? And you'll eat some of those, right?

SPEAKER_02 10:00

You'll go and get you some chocolate cookies. The important word is chocolate. That means it's all yours because I can't eat chocolate.

SPEAKER_05 10:18

Your snacks consist of like the cosmic moon brownies. But I'll have like some honey buns, right? You'll be out of your cosmic brownies, and you'll be like, Can have a honey bun.

SPEAKER_02 10:33

Because, you know, what's yours is mine, it was mine is yours. Did I put you on blast?

SPEAKER_05 10:40

I am so sorry. I am so sorry. No, no, no, no. It just, I don't know why that just hit me.

SPEAKER_01 10:48

I I um I categorically deny um uh 90% of what you just said.

SPEAKER_03 10:59

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 10:59

Yeah, I don't, I don't, no, that's that's I don't I don't think that's true. Well let's go back, let's go back to the store. First of all, if you're in the store and we're in the store together, right, you get whatever you want to get.

SPEAKER_05 11:11

Exactly. Get whatever you want. You're right.

SPEAKER_01 11:14

What tends to happen is you get something that I'm not rocking with. I get something that you're not rocking with. And then we also get something that we probably both would rock with. That's typically what happens with.

SPEAKER_05 11:31

You do not rock with. I'm really.

SPEAKER_01 11:36

Let's make it something that we definitely, I'm definitely not rocking. Let's say something like some cashews or some uh some popcorn with the uh you know, the the whatever kind of popcorn with the nacho drizzle or whatever. You got snacks that you know I'm not eating the same way. Now you're not, I'm not allergic to them the way you're allergic to chocolate, no doubt. But I'm not eating that. I'm not I'm I'm not eating that for sure. And you might get some some some type of fruit with some with some caramel dip or whatever. I'm not eating none of that. I'm not eating none of that. And that's cool. The same way, if I were, which is very rare, to get some chocolate chip cookies. I'm talking about on my own, just get some chocolate chip cookies. When I used to get chocolate chip cookies, especially like the kind that you bake or whatever, or whatever kind, I'm also getting sugar cookies. So when you're also getting uh when I used to get chocolate Oreos, I'm also getting the yellow Oreos.

SPEAKER_05 12:35

But check this out. But check this out. But when yours runs out, when your personal runs out, but I still have my personal, that's what I'm talking about. I'm not talking about. Let's go there.

SPEAKER_01 12:48

Let's go there. I'm I'm going to disagree with you, but I'm also but one, I'm going to compliment you in my disagreement. The reason why I disagree is because I don't go and be like, Can I have some?

SPEAKER_05 13:03

You don't, dude.

SPEAKER_01 13:04

Usually what happens is you're offering, you're offering, you be like, you want some strawberry wafers? Well, I mean, you know, I ain't got nothing else to not go. Okay, sure. I tried some strawberry wafers. But that ain't me saying, it ain't like I went to you on some, now that I ate my chocolate brownie covered, whatever, whatever is now I'm coming over there, see what you see what you got. Nah, that's not true. I'm not doing that. You you to your credit, sometimes I like to share. Yes. You share and you say, You want some uh, you want some wafers, you want some this, you want some that. Sometimes you even might offer something that I'm definitely not eating. But don't act like you don't buy stuff that you know Linwood Gray is not gonna touch. Linwood Gray ain't touching that. Because I even joke to myself when you do and say, okay, she wanted something she know I wasn't gonna have no interest in whatsoever.

SPEAKER_00 13:59

Which is cool.

SPEAKER_05 14:00

Which is cool. Because that's how what that's what I've said.

SPEAKER_00 14:04

It's cool.

SPEAKER_05 14:04

That is what I've said, and you know, because I couldn't eat it, but anything I have, you absolutely can eat.

SPEAKER_02 14:11

Okay, let me ask you this. Let me ask you this. Do you do you put this in a category? The category is Linwood or the category is akiwa. Okay. Put that in the category. Okay. All right. Brownies. Linwood. Okay. Uh I'm gonna go. Um hummus. Akiba.

unknown 14:52

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 14:54

Um how about peanut butter and jelly?

SPEAKER_05 14:59

Are you serious? So you are the one who does the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. But I eat the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I just don't eat them as much as you do. I get on you because you like to eat them for dinner. And I'm like, no. But apparently, eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for dinner is highly acceptable.

SPEAKER_01 15:25

I love it. But um, you wouldn't say that's a limit thing?

SPEAKER_02 15:34

No.

unknown 15:35

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 15:37

Okay. All right, okay. But but but the bottom line is I'm not asking you like that.

SPEAKER_01 15:45

You offering it.

SPEAKER_05 15:48

We can agree to disagree. Now, now, I have to say, in some cases, I do offer. But let me ask you this, right? I'm sitting there and I'm eating a snack that both of us can have. And let's say I don't have a snack. As you sit over there and you're eating your cookies or you're eating your chocolate candy, and I'm like, oh gosh, I was absolutely. You can't say, Do you want any? Because I can't eat it.

SPEAKER_01 16:19

Yeah. But see, there's context to this situation. There's context. See, these same chocolate chip cookies I may have bought at the same time that your snack was bought. You ate yours. Now, I I might have even that night, I might have forgot I even had them. Uh, oh, you know what? I got some chocolate chip cookies.

SPEAKER_03 16:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:41

It ain't like I went to the store, got me some chocolate chip cookies, and didn't consider you. And now I'm coming home with some big old fat chocolate chip cookies, and I break it out at 10, like your chocolate chip cookies, like, yeah, I got some, and you don't.

SPEAKER_02 16:56

Come on now. You know, good in the world, I'm not acting like that.

SPEAKER_01 17:03

You making that up. You making that up. I'm not looking or acting like that. As a matter of fact, I might try to even sneak. I might try to sneak because I know it's something you can't have. But other times I might not be sneaking because I'm like, okay, we bought these on a Wednesday. I didn't eat mine till Friday. You ate yours Wednesday and Thursday. I mean, what you want me to do? Now I want mine.

SPEAKER_05 17:36

I'm just saying, how you make sure you have something specifically for you. And I can never have anything specifically for me.

SPEAKER_01 17:45

Only I don't make sure of that is is is the thing. No. I don't make sure of that.

SPEAKER_05 17:51

But you do.

SPEAKER_02 17:52

But you do. Subconsciously, you do.

SPEAKER_05 17:58

That is going to be you, you that is yours. And so you can set that up.

SPEAKER_01 18:03

And see, that's why that's why I asked you about peanut butter and jelly. Because there's plenty of times I go to the store, I'm getting your thing. Whatever your thing is, you may even ask me for it. And the thing I get is the bread, the peanut butter, and the jelly. That's that was the thing that I wanted while you was eating your whatever. That's what I wanted while you was eating your whatever.

SPEAKER_05 18:25

And I'm not, I'm not trying to be funny. See, that is something community. That can never be just yours because I can actually eat that. But what I'm saying is in a marriage, there should be something that is just specific to you, just yours. And you can always have that by eating chocolate.

SPEAKER_01 18:48

Oh, I see. You're talking about you, I I forgot that you would eat pregnant.

SPEAKER_02 18:53

We pivoted so much.

SPEAKER_01 18:54

So, so, but that's not. I mean, okay. So then I uh I I don't have to that's by default because of your allergy. Yeah. I I don't have nothing that I'm allergic to. Um, well, food. I don't have a food allergy specifically that you get that I'm allergic to, but you get it.

SPEAKER_05 19:16

I mean, I but I like to say this. I like this to be on the record. I sometimes, when it comes to the snacks, sometimes I be looking to see what can I get that I know he will not eat. And I do some, no, but I do I pick it out like the the the the strawberry wafers, right? I pick that out. I'm like, you're not gonna want any of these. I know you're not gonna want any of these, right? And then I'll offer it to you because I I'm polite. I want your answer to be no. But you surprise me when you say yes. And I'm like, oh, but then have you heard me say, oh, you like these? Have you ever heard me say, oh, you like these? I because I got it, because I'm thinking you're not gonna want this.

SPEAKER_01 20:04

So that wasn't a legitimate offer?

SPEAKER_05 20:07

Not really.

SPEAKER_01 20:08

Oh, snaps. I just learned something.

SPEAKER_05 20:11

You did.

SPEAKER_01 20:12

I just learned something. So, but that's with the food. But you do feel like it should be something that's yours.

SPEAKER_05 20:18

Absolutely. It should be something that is yours.

SPEAKER_01 20:22

Yeah. And and you have a lot. Okay. I mean, when I say something that's yours, I'm talking about like, yeah, I I don't, yeah, you who's complaining?

SPEAKER_02 20:36

No why. No why a lot of bags.

SPEAKER_03 20:47

Your own closet.

SPEAKER_05 20:50

But I had to how you've had your own space before the man cave. And so I finally said, can I just have this one out of how many years? This is the first time I've ever had my space. I've always said, let you have it.

SPEAKER_02 21:08

Say it ain't so. Trying to jog my memory right now. Um.

SPEAKER_05 21:18

I know.

SPEAKER_02 21:19

Maybe.

SPEAKER_05 21:20

And even when I got my space, what did I do? In the main closet, in our closet, I even gave you some space, right?

SPEAKER_00 21:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:31

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 21:33

That's be nice.

SPEAKER_01 21:35

Yes, you get you gave me some space. Yes. You have a whole well, never mind. Yes, you did give me

Husband Question: How Should I Handle Public Encounters with Females I know while We Are Out Together?

SPEAKER_01 21:40

some of your sp some of your space that you had in our joint closet, seeing as how that now you have a whole walk in closet to yourself.

SPEAKER_02 21:49

Okay. I ain't complaining. My question is I'm so

SPEAKER_01 22:00

Looking forward to hearing what you say about this because it's a real question. Real question. My question is, what is your preferred way that I handle when we are out in public and we encounter a female that I know? I ain't talking about like no no ex, no flame, nothing like that, no ex-flame, nothing like that. Just a female that I know could be from work or whatever, you know, somebody's cousin or whatever. But I know this female, you don't know him now. We out in public, we encounter them. We either go pass right by him, or maybe she, I don't know if she speaks or whatever. What's your preferred method that I handle that situation? And I got a few different options, but without giving you any options and just hearing what you what you come up with, I want to hear if you had your drug.

SPEAKER_05 23:01

Have you been watching my face as you ask this question?

SPEAKER_01 23:03

Watching your face? I see it on the screen a little bit. Yeah. I can see that there's, I don't know. I don't even know. I mean, it ain't good.

SPEAKER_05 23:11

It don't look like it's good vibes, but it's supposed to be transparent, right?

SPEAKER_01 23:17

Yeah, man. I I don't want you to lie to me.

SPEAKER_05 23:21

Here's the best thing to do. Cause it's funny that you asked me this question because you put me in this situation last week. And I put you in this situation. And I felt like you handled it perfectly.

unknown 23:37

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 23:38

We were leaving a store, and apparently somebody you work with said, hey, and you were like, hey, what's up? Or you may have said, hey, what's up to that person, and then they spoke. And then you said, I work with that person. That's how that took place. And I was waiting, like, I that that you were not going to make, I'm not gonna say make it all the way to the car, because that may sound bad. But we were if you had not said it in the time frame that you had said it in, I was formulating the words to say, excuse me, but who was that?

SPEAKER_01 24:19

You mean the part where I work with her? You're talking about that's that that's the part that you was waiting for me to speak.

SPEAKER_05 24:25

Yes. You you need to tell me, like, when you speak, like why are you why are you speaking?

SPEAKER_01 24:31

So when I encounter him, I speak, okay, why are you speaking? Okay.

SPEAKER_05 24:35

Like you say this is blah, blah, blah. I feel like, as my husband, you need to tell me how you know this sad person. You're speaking to him.

SPEAKER_01 24:44

Okay, that's fine. Okay, let's push it a little bit further.

SPEAKER_04 24:49

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 24:51

Cause this is something I want to know. So if we, let's say we're going down the same aisle in a grocery store to where now it's a little bit more because of the space confines, there's a bit more of an encounter. So there's more than just probably the, hey, how you doing? Um, and let's even say, you know, you know people differently at work. So like you know, like this person works over in this section over here. You see them every day, but y'all don't really know each other like that. You know, you made to give a head nod at work, but now you see them out in public. So now it's like, hey, how you doing? Boom, you can keep it passing. But let's say now somebody that you work with, like you work with this person. You actually have multiple conversations a day with this person. So when you out, it ain't just gonna be a head nod or hey, what's up? You you're gonna have you're gonna stop and have an encounter.

SPEAKER_05 25:39

Uh if you're gonna have an encounter like that, then I don't care that you stop and speak. Introduce me. Introduce me as your wife. You know, hey, the the first thing should be, hey, such and such, this is my wife. And I go about my business.

SPEAKER_01 25:58

Okay, so so the the the little drive-by, hey, how you doing? Just within a few seconds, I need to be saying where I know her from the close encounter, there needs to be an introduction.

SPEAKER_02 26:14

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 26:15

Nigga, what doozy? What if it's an ex?

SPEAKER_02 26:19

What if it's an ex-girlfriend?

SPEAKER_01 26:25

And I'm talking about, I'm talking about one of one of these.

SPEAKER_05 26:29

So if an ex-girlfriend is coming down the aisle, and you know that this is an ex-girlfriend coming down the aisle, let's say I'm on your right side. So they're coming down on your left side. So before we even do that, number one, I need to be switching sides, and you say, I just want to let you know that this is an ex come down, the whatchamacallit. I don't care if you speak to them or not.

SPEAKER_01 26:53

Let's say we somewhere, my ex is in the room, or or not in the room, but in the store. Let's let's say in the store.

SPEAKER_04 26:59

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 27:00

My ex is in the store, in the in the old navy, whatever, right?

SPEAKER_05 27:04

Mm-mm. Let's stop. Okay. Let's change it. Because it's really happened.

SPEAKER_02 27:09

On a cruise, you want a cruise with an ex-girlfriend. Holy moly.

SPEAKER_01 27:17

Why you look? See, that's that's what I'm talking about right there. That's what I'm talking about right there. Right there. I just know what you're talking about. The energy and the look as if, as if I booked a cruise with my ex-girlfriend. Like I'm just as surprised as anybody. It's probably she is just as surprised. What are the chances?

SPEAKER_05 27:44

You were so, it was so awkward. It was awkward because I'm walking in the hallway. And then you do something funny. You make your your demeanor was so like you were so uncomfortable. And I didn't understand. We are just walking down the hall. So what's gotten you so uncomfortable?

SPEAKER_02 28:04

And you tell me, my ex-girlfriend is right there. What? I don't care.

SPEAKER_05 28:14

You didn't you never even had to point her out to me. So then when you pointed her out to me, that's when it was like, you know what? To this day, I still don't know who which one it was. And we ran into her another time on the ship. As big as this ship was, we ran into you twice. And I cannot tell you what this person looked like because it was just so, I don't care. But you were awkward. You made the situation awkward.

SPEAKER_01 28:45

Way more than twice.

SPEAKER_05 28:46

Oh, it was more than twice?

SPEAKER_01 28:48

It was more than twice.

SPEAKER_05 28:49

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 28:49

Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_05 28:52

Oh, right. Because we were on the excursion and they were on the same excursion. That's right.

SPEAKER_01 28:58

I mean, we don't have I mean, I well, okay. Let me let me get let me get to it. Is you're absolutely right. First of all, is one of those things you don't have experience with. It's never happened. You're taken aback because, okay, we are several states away from not only where we live now, but where we're from. We're even farther from where we're from. And so of like, that's almost lottery type chances that something like that will happen, in my view. So the initial thing is just the shock of like, what in the world? Like, how in the world this happened? And then you don't know, I don't know how you are about to feel about it. So there's that nervousness about it, because like you said a couple of times, you know how you are. So if you know how you are, and I've been with you for for over 20 years, then I don't know what type of, I don't know what type what the energy about to be. So there's nervous energy about that because I don't know what's about to, I have no idea what's about to happen.

SPEAKER_05 30:07

So I asked you a question, and it was a valid question. I said, because it would affect me. So I'm putting myself, I'm trying to gauge the situation. Okay. I said, how did it end? You said it was not a good breakup. So the reason why I asked that question is because what type of interaction is she gonna have with me, not me with her. Because she could still be mad with you over t after 20 years. But other than that, I've had you, uh you we've been married for more than 20 years. What's she gonna do?

SPEAKER_01 30:49

Yeah, I mean, but uh I would probably feel the exact same way. I would be cool as a cucumber if we ran into an ex of yours. Again, unless I found out there was a, well, you know, unless there was like some, unless this is a violent guy or something like that, and then I already know, I already know, spoken, spoken about this guy being a violent guy, then yeah, I might be on the, you know, a little bit on alert. Absent that, I'm gonna be cool as a cucumber too. It ain't nothing. And then too, like I know the person's personality plays into it too. I don't that person is unpredictable in terms of not like something bad happening. She might be the type of person to come speak.

SPEAKER_02 31:38

Okay. You're you're an ex.

SPEAKER_01 31:41

Okay. But I'm just saying, I've never crossed those waters. So that's why I got nervous, nervous energy about it. Because I've never crossed those waters.

SPEAKER_05 31:51

I don't I I did I do not care. Did not care. The only thing that I was like, did it break up bad? Because I don't know what type of energy that person's gonna have with me.

SPEAKER_01 32:01

So let's get to the topic.

SPEAKER_05 32:02

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 32:03

So, and this is something I really want to know. Would you now let's say we it's you brought up the cruise, okay? So let's say we in the, you know, we're in the same environment. We all on Leto deck. Like, do you want me to completely ignore this person? Do you want me to introduce you to this person?

SPEAKER_05 32:23

Y'all have not had, if if they came over to you and spoke, that's totally fine. You're gonna introduce me. Okay. That should be the first thing that you do. But if y'all are there in Leto, are y'all speaking? If y'all are not speaking, then there's no need in me having an interaction. Really, it's never a need for me to have an interaction with an ex.

SPEAKER_01 32:56

But but you will, but like if if we if if we on Leto, we in our chairs, and I'm talking about maybe 10 feet away. I I I look up, you know, we we we may be watching something, some reels on our phone, and I look up and 10 feet away, there's an ex in they in their chair. So do cool. I'm just saying, do you want me to tell you this or do you want me to keep it to myself?

SPEAKER_05 33:21

No, you can tell me. Oh, I used to date her over there. Oh, okay. Because I, like, again, I don't know the type of vibe they're going to be on. So to keep me in the know, like, she could she could be one who wanna pop off. So if, let's just say she does pop off for me, some stranger popping off for me for what? So if I then find out that that's an ex, I'm gonna be really mad at you because you should have told me that this was an ex.

SPEAKER_02 33:54

That's it. Um, okay. That's some good stuff. You think so? Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 34:06

But no, I'm not, I'm not, I I don't, I don't care. As long as you introduce me and you acknowledge that you just spoke to somebody in a second after you do it, we're good. But if I have to say, well, who is that? That's when I'm not too happy.

unknown 34:28

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 34:30

Alright. Okay. Quick encounter, let you know who it was. Longer encounter, introduction. X definitely uh getting the message to you that ex in the building. Okay. How how do you remember how my reaction was on the cruise? I was just like, whatever.

SPEAKER_01 34:59

Yeah, yeah, but I I don't remember the exact words. The energy I felt was like, that's why I asked the question, because uh I was confused by it was almost like, so why are you telling me? And I'm like, to me, I'm telling you for obvious reasons, but I only, hey, if if if that's the energy, hey, let's head and ass, straightforward. One, two, three, four, one, two. I mean, I don't know what, you know, I don't know what to make of it. So now when it came to me um a couple of days ago, I said, you know what? I can I know something I can ask her because I really like to know what's her preferred method. And then we've had we've had several times in the store telling female, I just know a lot of people. It's nothing for us to be in the store and somebody speak to me. So it does, it is awkward sometimes when it's females.

SPEAKER_02 35:59

Cause I don't, you know, introduce me. Long conversations, introduce me. The the nod, hey, how you doing, whatever. Tell me. I know them, blah blah blah. Be good. How do you feel? About what? The scenario.

SPEAKER_01 36:22

I didn't know what to make you talking about me knowing some are you talking about the other way around or the other way around. The other way around.

SPEAKER_02 36:28

Oh, um you're talking about if a dude if you encounter some a guy that you know. Interesting.

SPEAKER_01 36:40

Because I never actually put myself in and on that side of it because um Yeah, I never actually put myself on on that side of it. So that was interesting. It's interesting. The the quick second I was over there. Um you're I I definitely see why you say after a period of time, you're gonna want to know who that. Cause yeah, okay, we put myself there, and there's any sort of, hey, how you doing, whatever, I am going just curious, really. I'm gonna be curious as to who who's that. And so then if you don't say who that is, well then that probably intensifies the curiosity. Now it's like it goes from, oh, who that to, mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 37:31

Right.

SPEAKER_01 37:35

So yeah, I I can I can okay, I can see that. It's interesting that I had not put myself in that side of the scenario yet. Probably because how often it's I'm the one encountering somebody.

SPEAKER_02 37:52

You are. You are, and I got oof. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 37:57

And then I'm cute too. It's like, golly, man.

Outside Question: How Do You Protect the Marriage from Outside Influences

SPEAKER_01 38:04

That makes it even harder. I don't know what that face supposed to be. But outside question. Outside question.

SPEAKER_05 38:17

Oh, that outside question.

SPEAKER_01 38:19

Yeah, we need one. Going to the piggy bank, to the outside question, piggy bank.

SPEAKER_05 38:24

Yes, I had one. I had one. Sorry. Okay, you ready?

unknown 38:29

I'm ready.

SPEAKER_05 38:30

This is a doozy. A doozy for outside questions? For an outside question. All right, let's get it. How do we protect our marriage from outside pressures?

SPEAKER_02 38:45

No. We just really talked about it. And we didn't even really realize it, but we just talked about it. Say more. Okay. We have a very small group of friends. Okay. And we don't have friends that's the opposite sex. It's not on purpose. It just happened that way. What you mean is not on purpose?

SPEAKER_05 39:20

I mean, we just never had outside friends that were the opposite sex.

SPEAKER_01 39:27

But it didn't just happen that way.

SPEAKER_05 39:29

How do you figure it didn't just happen that way?

SPEAKER_01 39:31

Because I had mad friends on the opposite. I probably had mostly friends that were girls before we got married.

SPEAKER_02 39:39

And then and and then I marriage how challenging that can that can be.

SPEAKER_01 39:54

And so um I then was not as I know I didn't then I didn't have a bunch of a bunch of uh friends of the opposite sex anymore. You put it that way. I mean, not nothing that you did.

SPEAKER_05 40:08

It just so happened.

SPEAKER_01 40:09

I think I I think that you said that I think you're you're able to say it just happened that way because you didn't do anything in that regard. Like you didn't say, oh, you you better get rid of them. You oh you better, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, you you never did nothing like that. And then um um maybe different moves kind of solidified it as we moved further and further and further away, both physically from the situation. Because then in our first couple years, we interacted with some of my friends.

SPEAKER_05 40:39

Right. Mm-hmm. We did. And so that's why when I say it just so happened that way, maybe you're right.

SPEAKER_01 40:46

Maybe right. Right. Because it wasn't really intentional. Right. It wasn't really intentional.

SPEAKER_05 40:50

Then we moved. And so now in a new situation, it just nothing really like You know what I stand, I stand corrected.

SPEAKER_01 40:59

I was thinking, I had recalled it being a little bit more intentional, but that's not the case. It was not intentional.

SPEAKER_05 41:06

It was and then it became the norm.

SPEAKER_01 41:10

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_05 41:11

So it wasn't intentional, and then it became the norm. Because with that, you're gonna open up to more stress. You you can make your it it could it could complicate the stuff.

SPEAKER_01 41:24

Uh now, now, now I'm gonna disagree a little bit, but I'm gonna agree with what you said at first. I'm gonna continue and say that when you say it just happened like that, to me, it continues to just happen like that. Well, if I really think about it, it ain't been no, it ain't been like there's a female that I end up, I'm almost about to be friends with, and then I decide, oh, but you know what? I'm married. Let me not be friends with. Let me not be friends with them. You know, that that that hasn't happened really either. It's kind of been more think about this. Think about this. We've been out in our first few years of being married, and we lived at home. We not only went out with several of my female friends, but also male friends who, through circumstance, we really became distant. But it wasn't intention that wasn't intentional either. That was just moving and different things happening or whatever.

SPEAKER_05 42:19

And so Life was lifing.

SPEAKER_01 42:21

Yeah, so it wasn't even a it didn't become an opposite sex thing or same-sex thing. It was really just a thing. So it was just a thing. Because like it's it ain't like I um moved where we moved and I picked up a bunch of male friends. I haven't picked up a bunch of male friends here either. It just um happened.

SPEAKER_05 42:43

But I think that's how just, I mean, we don't really have any outside influences because we kind of kept to ourselves.

SPEAKER_01 42:56

I forgot that was even part of the question.

SPEAKER_05 42:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 42:59

Or the question. We don't really have much outside influences because it's not like that friend that's in your ear talking about, well, it's true. It's true. If he I know you ain't take that, did you? No, you um blah, blah, blah. And it ain't that person don't exist. You don't really have that person. We never, yeah, we, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 43:21

Because when you do, like when something happens and you just gotta get something off your chest and you go blabber to somebody, well, when y'all go back and make up, that person's gonna still be in their feelings and it just makes things complicated.

SPEAKER_02 43:37

So there's no outside. Okay. Yeah. Good question.

SPEAKER_01 43:46

Yeah, yeah. Good question. So, so how would how would now, oh okay, but but if I extend it to now advice, there are people though who do have lots of friends and got lots of friends around them. Couples that do have a whole bunch of other people. They got their best friend that's a girl. Sometimes they got their best friend that's a guy. You know, they got all those types of things around them. So how do you let outside influences not negatively influence the marriage if you do have those type of friends? Let's say you got good five, six girlfriends. One of them is your best friend, and then you got about three, four male friends, this that you grew up with.

SPEAKER_02 44:33

You know, they were friends in the fourth grade, so they, you know, they friends then. That's a hard question. Well, we answer it. Yeah, no, go right ahead.

SPEAKER_01 44:46

I think that um A you don't tell your business. Especially not to somebody who cannot um water. Well, definitely. Yeah, I mean, yeah, that that that that just would be silly if you told your business to people who who tell other people's business. That's just that's silly. You know, and some people like, man, I can't believe so-and-so, you know, betrayed my trust or told.

SPEAKER_00 45:15

Really? You can't believe that? So long as you've been around so-and-so, you can't believe they told.

SPEAKER_01 45:20

But anyway, nah, I wasn't even saying from a telling standpoint, I was just saying, period, like, like, you know, don't tell your business. I mean, certain, certain stuff is supposed to be kept in the house.

SPEAKER_02 45:32

Now, I have a question.

unknown 45:35

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 45:38

It's me and you. Husband and wife. We're one, right? Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_05 45:47

Everybody knows.

SPEAKER_01 45:48

What would this fall under? Would this fall under a second wife question? No.

SPEAKER_05 45:52

What?

SPEAKER_01 45:53

Um I'm asking what what category is.

SPEAKER_05 45:55

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, what does the second wife have to do with it?

SPEAKER_01 45:58

No. Would this fall under the second question by the wife? Jeez, Louise. We ain't. We're not Mormons.

SPEAKER_02 46:13

Woo! Really doesn't. Please.

SPEAKER_05 46:18

Yes, it is a second wife question. Okay. But that didn't make me forget my question.

SPEAKER_01 46:25

Sound like I might that might be a good thing for me.

SPEAKER_05 46:30

What were you saying? Because it was a good qu it was a great question.

SPEAKER_02 46:36

Oh, I know what it was. I know what it was. Okay. We're one, right? But at some point, we're going to get mad at each other.

SPEAKER_05 46:49

And it doesn't help to hold it in. So when you say you can't tell nobody, that's you can't you have to have an outlet. You it it it has to be somebody that you can tell.

SPEAKER_02 47:06

Jesus.

SPEAKER_01 47:19

Well, okay, look. Okay, look. All right. Okay. Having the outlet, getting the express, you're right. You right.

SPEAKER_05 47:27

You can um relay your concern without relaying all your details. You don't have to put your business out there.

SPEAKER_01 47:35

You can you don't have to put your spouse down. You don't have to, you don't have to put your spouse down because you, okay, you just said it yourself. If you if you fast, I mean if you rewind five minutes, you said it yourself. The people who, let's say, people who love and care about you, whoever this person is that you wanna that that you want to unload on, right? They love and care about you. So if you tell them that you're with a low-down, dirty dog, then they're gonna believe you're with a low-down, dirty dog.

SPEAKER_04 48:07

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 48:08

And that may not be reflective of really how you feel, but you in the moment, you this, you that, and people do have flaws. If you're only giving a person the information on their flaws, if that's then then to that person, that's who you are. Every time I hear you talking about this person, I'm hearing a flaw. So, I mean, what comes with that is okay, now if that person that person thinks that that that you with somebody that's garbage, then you can't be surprised when um things happen accordingly.

SPEAKER_05 48:49

But but do you feel like you can tell when it's just you can talk?

SPEAKER_01 48:58

I think you can talk. You don't have to go, I don't think you gotta go too much into detail into certain details. I mean, you can maybe say how you feeling. I mean, I think there's a to an extent where you can say, um, even like, okay, if you're trying to process a conversation, and and so you like, you understand that you're in it, you're emotional about it, so you want to bounce that conversation off on somebody else to get another perspective.

SPEAKER_02 49:28

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 49:29

But when you do that, you have to also consider, you have to be wise about who that person is.

SPEAKER_02 49:37

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 49:38

Because um, that's an outside influence that may they they're bringing all they're bringing their stuff into what their opinion may be.

SPEAKER_05 49:53

So so then it's safe to say that not all advice is good advice.

SPEAKER_01 49:58

Definitely not all advice is good advice. I mean, definitely not that. Not all sources of advice is good sources of advice. I mean, it I'm not saying you always talk to some somebody that's professional. I'm not saying you always talk to clergy, a minister, or sometimes you do have friends, sometimes you do have family members, and you respect their opinion, and you might want to know a different perspective on something that happened. But just constant bad mouthing sessions about your mate, to me, is counterproductive. It doesn't solve nothing. As much as you wish, or as much as you may

What Happened This Week?

SPEAKER_01 50:33

be unloading that, I think you got to find a different way to unload. If if if your method is is just crashing out on your mate to somebody else, I don't know. I don't I don't see how that solves anything.

SPEAKER_02 50:53

Okay. That was great conversation. Wow.

unknown 51:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 51:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 51:02

So what happened this week?

SPEAKER_05 51:08

What happened this week? Without giving too many details.

SPEAKER_01 51:12

Oh, you got a pleasant surprise?

SPEAKER_05 51:14

I do.

unknown 51:14

I do.

SPEAKER_05 51:15

I'm not gonna give a whole lot of details. You end up having a pleasant surprise. And it just made my day, my my entire week. Um, it was just it was awesome.

SPEAKER_02 51:34

Yeah. Went um go ahead.

SPEAKER_05 51:38

Went shopping and just had dinner quality time with the fam.

SPEAKER_02 51:45

Perfect. Awesome. I was um Is breakfast ready yet? It's my breakfast. I said, You don't do that. You can say, um, is breakfast going to be ready soon? That's fine. But it still warmed my heart. It warmed your heart. It warmed my heart.

SPEAKER_01 52:17

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 52:17

Um and that's why he says that.

SPEAKER_01 52:22

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. One day we'll tell that story. How you became um.

SPEAKER_05 52:27

How I became um well, that's a real name. Oh, one more thing.

SPEAKER_01 52:33

I have to give an assessment of backyard honeysuckle.

SPEAKER_05 52:39

Oh, yeah, backyard honeysuckle. So, all right. It has been burning for over an hour and 30 minutes.

SPEAKER_01 52:48

Mine is probably my review now. I'm gonna have to switch my review up to being more of a housekeeping issue here within the pod.

SPEAKER_04 52:55

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 52:56

To give a fair assessment, to give a fair assessment, I think that um from now on we need the candle burning right here. And the reason why I say that is because for the second straight week now, I'm telling you, I smell absolutely nothing. I don't smell a thing. I don't smell a single thing. I don't smell nothing that smelled bad, I don't smell nothing that smelled good, I just smell the oxygen in the air.

SPEAKER_05 53:19

Okay. So then that would be bad. Because when it comes to candles and throws, the throw is supposed to fill the room. So if the candle is like right here to me, it's the candle is next to me. You should be able to smell it. It this candle should permeate in a whole room. So if you move it closer, I don't feel like that would be an accurate assessment for a review.

SPEAKER_01 53:52

It definitely would not be an accurate assessment for the throw. Because it's right there in front of you.

SPEAKER_05 53:56

Because it's right there.

SPEAKER_01 53:56

You're right.

SPEAKER_05 53:57

So I can smell it. I smell the candle.

SPEAKER_01 54:02

How do you like the scent?

SPEAKER_05 54:05

It is not one of my favorites. It's not bad, but it's more floral, and uh floral is not my favorite fragrance.

SPEAKER_01 54:16

It's probably not gonna be one of my favorites either, because I'm I am a uh fruit-flavored person as relates to candles.

SPEAKER_05 54:25

I know you're fruit flavored, but it's backyard honeysuckle, so that means it's gonna be floral. And it absolutely is strong. It does have a strong fragrance. It is not permeating the room. Again, it's been burning for like an hour and a half, and I only really smell it in this small area. Does not, it's not waving into the room. I would recommend it if you like flowers. I'm not even a bouquet flower type of person, but um it was recommended because it reminded somebody of their youth growing up, them being in their backyard and eating the honeysuckle. And I remember doing it as a kid too. So I was trying to get that candle for nostalgia purposes, but it does not remind me of my backyard, though it does say a bee is getting ready to come.

SPEAKER_02 55:32

Because it's so pungent with the floral.

SPEAKER_01 55:35

When you you're saying the way you're you're saying when you smell it, you get the sense that a bee is is coming.

SPEAKER_05 55:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 55:45

Yep.

SPEAKER_05 55:46

So you know how you standing in a bunch of flowers and you smell the flowers and you see all the bees around the flowers. That's what it what it reminds me of. I'm surrounded by flowers, but only in this small area. I'm surrounded by flowers, and a bee is gonna come. So it's not a bad thing, but just it it's not a backyard, and it definitely does not remind me of the honeysuckle.

SPEAKER_01 56:17

Okay. All right. Well, that will conclude our episode for the day. Um, I hope everybody uh enjoyed it. Please like. Subscribe. Hit that uh hit that um follow button. Yeah, that follow button. And and drop a drop a review, preferably with five stars. Yes, five stars on Apple and Spotify. That really, that really if you hit us with the five star joint on Apple and Spotify. Matter of fact, on on on all platforms.

SPEAKER_02 56:52

All platforms. Until next week. Score one for the Grays.