He Was the Voice of Audio Adrenaline…Until He Lost It!

Mark Stuart was the frontman for the iconic 90's band Audio Adrenaline and the Song of the Decade 'Big House'. At the height of their success, he suddenly began losing his voice. Doctors couldn’t explain it until a rare vocal disorder ended his singing career. In this conversation, Mark shares the rise of Audio Adrenaline, the collapse of his voice, and how losing everything led him to a new mission serving children in Haiti through the Hands and Feet Project. A powerful story of faith, identity, and redemption. If you've ever gone through a difficult situation and you're struggling to find life on the other side, this episode is for you! 

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

In this house by myself, I fall asleep crying on the floor. Wake up the next morning. It just feels like death. Top of the records of the fastest growing music genre. What's left of this? We sold millions of records. Aesthetic existence that I have. It's just bigger than I'd ever dreamed. It's embarrassing what happened to me. A failure as a husband. A band fall apart. I'm like, how do I go on? I lost it all.

SPEAKER_03 0:29

Welcome to the Talents Podcast. I am Cody Williams, and uh I have with me today the founder and frontman of a band that I loved in the 90s. Yeah. Audio adrenaline. Yeah. I got Mark Stewart with me. And uh Mark, thanks so much for being here today with us, man.

SPEAKER_01 0:50

Dude, I'm excited. Thanks for having me.

SPEAKER_03 0:52

I was a massive audio adrenaline fan. I said I was, like I'm not anymore. Well, that's understandable. I still am, but but what you were part of that part of your life. Yeah. What you were in the 90s was so I I don't know if this is a fair word to say, but like provocative in the truest sense, or like innovative in the Christian space. I mean, there's a handful of bands that I go back to, you know, DC talk and uh delirious at some level. Yeah. Um, but you guys were you guys were right there uh with them. So like let's let's just start in the beginning. Like, why Christian rock?

SPEAKER_01 1:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:32

And um why how did you get started?

SPEAKER_01 1:35

Okay, my dad's a a pastor, so I grew up in the church. Um he was in a gospel quartet, so I'm from Kentucky, bit of a redneck. And uh so I grew up listening to Southern Gospel, and then I started playing drums, and then I started uh I didn't know there was any other kind of Christian music at all, first of all, much less any. I mean, I started to listen to rock and roll at a young age. My parents were not like you can't listen to this, you can't listen to that.

SPEAKER_03 2:04

So, what would that be in the 80s?

SPEAKER_01 2:06

Oh, dude, it was you're going way back in the past. I know, I know. I want to know I want to know. So my first record, like I had an LP. It was Jackson 5. Okay. Yeah. Some paddled, it was ABC 1, 2, 3. Like, I go way back. Uh Elton John's early records. Um, then it kind of morphed into like uh like Queen and stuff like that. And then, you know, you we started to listen to like other rock and roll stuff in the 80s when Journey was taking off or Van Halen and then YouTube was starting to kind of come up in the indie scene. So that music started to become uh a part of my musical fabric, you know. But I always had this love for Christian music. And then one day I saw this poster that said Petra was coming to town.

SPEAKER_03 2:57

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 2:58

And I'm like, oh, that's interesting. Let's go see that. So I took my buddy, who wasn't a Christian, uh-huh, and literally I just loved it. And at the end of the show, my my friend accepted Jesus right in front of me at this Petra concert. And I was like, dude, I want to do that.

SPEAKER_04 3:17

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 3:18

Yeah. So that kind of changed everything for me.

SPEAKER_03 3:20

What year is this?

SPEAKER_01 3:21

Probably 85, somewhere in there, 86. Okay. Yeah. Um, so I I love music. So that became like, I could do that. Not I didn't think, oh, I wanted to be Petra. I was just like, I wanted to do Christian music kind of as a a hobby, you know. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that audio adrenaline would have happened. So I was planning on becoming a pilot. I was gonna go to the Air Force Academy. I got nominated on track to go to the academy because I was all top gun in 1986 and changed my life too. Of course. So Petra and Tom Cruise were the two key pieces for me. Me, me too. Yeah, everybody. Everybody, yeah. Um went to Bible college, my brother was already there, and we started this band that we dreamed about, you know, and it started to take off, and then uh, you know, eventually it kind of morphed and changed, and it became audio adrenaline. And there's a crazy story behind that, but it takes way too long to tell. We got a record deal, went to Nashville, and you know, started to make music. It was a little bit clunky at first, you know, because the band, the record label wanted us to be like a new version of DC Talk. They saw the success of DC Talk, but they wanted more of a rock and roll, you know, left arm of the right arm. Like, so they were like, we want you to be like the red hot chili peppers, or we want you to be like this. And I love the red-hot chili peppers, but I didn't know how to do that, you know. Or they were like, combine rap with rock and and but lean heavy heavier on rock. Sure. So I just kind of fabricated a hip-hop persona, and it was terrible. But then our second record, we barely made a second record. Okay, what year is this? This was 1991, is our first record. Second record was 1993. And I had this song idea cooking called My Father's House, which was um one of the greatest songs ever. It was a it's a classic Christian youth group song for sure. But it came from a Haiti uh children's song uh that I would listen to all these kids would be singing growing up in Haiti. And um so it kind of took that and you know, we we kind of grabbed this kind of funky alternative southern vibe. Um like guitar riff, and we put it together, and it was like, eh, it's cool. We didn't really like it. It was song 11 on a 10-song album. Wow. And my dad heard it, was like, no, that's your that's your biggest song you've ever had, or that's gonna be your signature song. I'm like, Dad, you don't know what you're talking about. So we're like, all right, we'll put it on the record, and then it became a big hit, and that's how God kind of opened the doors for audio adrenaline.

SPEAKER_03 6:15

So that one song really put you guys on the map in a new way. Yeah, we were about to get dropped. Really? Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 6:22

Because it it just didn't feel right. I mean, there were there was it was creative and kind of weird, but it didn't feel authentic. It was like these weird lyrics. You know, kids dog it because it was weird, but it didn't really have a mass appeal.

SPEAKER_03 6:39

I'm always fascinated by what songs do well.

SPEAKER_01 6:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 6:44

What songs get received well, what songs tend to hit. And it's interesting if you talk, you know, I'm I'm surrounded by songwriters and um in my life within you know, the the context of my life. And um you I'll I'll have I'll I'll I'll find people that write songs and they're like this is gonna be the best song. Like they just they're proud of it, they love it, they felt got on it.

SPEAKER_02 7:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 7:09

Um, and then maybe it just doesn't feel like it. And it's always those ones that you didn't expect that so some sort resonate. Why do you think that song resonated with so many people?

SPEAKER_01 7:18

You know, I think there's a lot of the song really talks about um kind of unravels the mystery of heaven. Where a lot of, you know, when you think about heaven, there's golden streets and there's pearly gates and stuff that you're just like, what the heck? I don't even know how to like relate to that. Um, and as a kid, I was always not like I was like, I it didn't sound that great to me. Like, I don't know. Um so I wanted something that would make it feel like home. Like, you know, there's a big table with tons of food, and it feels like Thanksgiving. There's a football game in the backyard. It it feels like you're coming home and it's comfortable. So that was what I wanted to express in the song. And then for a lot of people, I think the lyrics of the first verse is what connects to kids is you don't feel at home where you are, or you don't have a father that's there for you. Um, well, let me tell you about let me tell you the story about a big father that's got this big house and he's waiting for you. And I think that's why it connected to youth groups, and I didn't know it at the time. I think that's why it was connecting to these kids in Haiti, too. Different songs with the same concept. And um, it's just a great story of God's fatherhood and his intentionality to care for us and prepare a place.

SPEAKER_03 8:45

Yeah, I I don't remember a summer camp in the 90s that I was a part of that didn't have that as like the highlight song.

SPEAKER_01 8:53

It's like a it was okay, let's crank it up.

SPEAKER_03 8:56

It was it was if it wasn't going to be in the highlight reel of camp, you know, it was it was played as you're coming in for the worship services or whatever. It was it was a staple for sure. At the height of audio adrenaline success, so that song sort of takes off.

SPEAKER_02 9:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 9:15

What did that world look like for you guys? I mean, you're you're filling stadiums at this point. I mean, we were it take it takes a while. I like how modest you are there. Let me let me just let me just correct you from for your modesty because I was at an event that you guys were at when I was 16. Yeah. Like I'm correcting you. I'm like, let me just correct. Let me just tell you how modest he is. Um, I was at U and DC Talk, yeah, Portland, Oregon, yeah, Memorial Coliseum.

SPEAKER_02 9:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 9:44

There was not an MTC. No, there was not an MTC. There was 20, 20, I mean, I think it sat around 20,000. Yeah. 15. I mean, it was it was it was packed.

SPEAKER_01 9:54

Yeah, but I would I mean DC Talk was massive. So like we were the opening act. Um I do think at that point there was three or four bands that were like hitting DC Talk was definitely at the top of the heap, and then there was Newsboys Us, or you know, Jars of Clay was a little bit after that. Switchfoot's starting to come on, which is cool. But at that moment in '95, we were it was a blessing. It was us and DC Talk on the free Atlas Tour and then Jesus Freak. Yeah. And it was something special.

SPEAKER_03 10:27

Jesus Freak was the one that I was at. Yeah. And uh It was insane. Funny, funny story.

SPEAKER_02 10:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 10:33

Um, I'm there with my buddies. Yeah. And you know, just like most arenas, like you can walk around the outside of the arena, you know, like where all the food tour is or the concourse or whatever they call it. And uh, we were just playing this stupid game where he would pick somebody or I would pick somebody, just a random person, and the other person had to walk up to that person and go, Uncle Bob, and like give him a big hug and act like they knew him.

SPEAKER_02 10:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 10:59

And it was just this dumb prankster game that we're playing where we're just trying to get like we're just we're just trying to make each other laugh. So we pick a f I pick a couple people, he, you know, we walk up to him, Uncle Bob or Aunt Sandy or whatever, and they're like, uh. And he he it's my turn, and my buddy goes, All right, that guy over there, and he picks this guy with like super long hair, and he kind of to be honest with you, he kind of looked like a stoner at the time. Like I was just like, kind of looked homeless, and uh, and so I'm like, all right. So I kind of like warm myself up for it, and I I walk in, I'm like, Oh, Uncle Bob, Uncle Bob, and I just embrace him, just put him in my arms. I'm giving this big hug, and he goes, Um, I'm not Uncle Bob. And I go, Oh, you know, and I'm like, I'm so sorry. And it turns out uh it was Will. No way, your guy bass player, yeah. It was your bass player, and he just happened to be walking around the concourse just to see the crowd. I get, I don't know, he just he just hanged out. So um, so we told him what we were doing, he thought it was kind of funny. And um, I remember he said uh he said, Did you got you want to meet everybody or whatever? And so he told us go to this little area backstage after the show. And yeah, so we went back there, and all you guys um had left really quick. Yeah. So everybody was gone. So I didn't even I I almost met you as a 16-year-old. Yeah, okay, yeah. But you guys, he came back, he's like, I'm so sorry, everybody just left. But um, super kind, super nice. But obviously, like put another notch in like my love for audio adrenaline because I was like, I had this run in with Will before the show Uncle Bob. Um, but uh you guys um you you you guys had a lot of success from there, yeah. And then something happened to you personally that really rocked your world and kind of turned everything upside down.

SPEAKER_01 12:51

Yeah. Well, uh not not long after that tour, because that we had a record come out after Big House called Bloom. Okay, and Bloom was like probably our best album, and it was right in the middle of like alternative rock taken off. So there was you know, Pearl Jam or Nirvana and you know, SoundGuard, and but the but Christian music was almost like exploding too. Like they were on the cover of Newsweek or all these old magazines that were like Christian music's like the biggest or the fastest growing music genre. Wow in the 90s. I didn't know that. Yeah, it was Christian rock, and it was crazy. Um so we did bloom, we're touring, then we started to headline and do do that for a few years. But during that season, my voice started to to get hoarse a lot. Um, and for a while I would I was it was cool because you're because the brokenness um w added a lot of texture, the rasp, yeah, and emotion to the voice. But I knew something was happening, like something's not right. So I would take breaks, and then I started to take uh steroid shots to keep the swelling down my vocal cords, a lot of people doing that, and then all of a sudden I could sing anything I wanted, and I had this really cool texture, and so I was making like the best music uh and vocals that we ever did. You know, it was we were just like hitting on all these cylinders, and the music I felt like God was really using it. Uh, but then my voice started to become more and more diminished. Uh, I couldn't control the notes, and there was it it became like um a vulnerability instead of like uh an advantage, you know, that brokenness started to take its toll. Um and then I had to start looking for other people to help us. Like, could you play guitar and sing? And there wasn't any tracks back. Now you can like do tracks and vocal tuning, and you I could probably still go out and make a record. But back then it was like you had to do it yourself, you know. There was like this is all you got. Um so we would we would bring guests along, but then my voice started to fall apart, fall apart. Then it became obvious that this there was a bigger problem. Um, I would go see vocal coaches, they couldn't help me. I was in the Vanderbilt voice clinic, they were shooting like cameras down my throat, and they're like, You don't have any vocal, your vocal cords look okay, and we don't know what's wrong. Voice kept getting worse, and then eventually it was just like I can't do this anymore. And the band's like, This is wow, we're probably done. And at the same time, I was my marriage was falling apart. And um what I didn't know is I developed a vocal disorder called spasmodic dysphonia, and it was undiagnosed when I was in music completely. And the more anxiety I had walking on stage without a voice, walking on stage as my marriage is falling apart, it would trigger this disorder even worse. Um, so it was kind of like this downward spiral of the worse my voice got, the more my marriage was falling apart, the more stress I had on stage of trying to hold a band together. You know, we had multiple people and families that were depending on these two little vocal cords.

SPEAKER_04 16:23

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 16:23

And um eventually it just fell apart. Um and it was pretty brutal, you know. Like I I didn't understand why. At first I thought I could just take a year or two off and maybe it would come back. Um so ended at actually ended my marriage, got divorced, um and my voice continued to get worse, and then it was diagnosed that you actually have this vocal disorder. Wow. Um so it was a brutal time for me.

SPEAKER_03 16:58

Did did you um did you call it did you call it or did you how did you how did that go down? Like were you were you holding on to everything you could, fighting to keep everything together? When did you just go, when did you put your hands up and go, I can't do this anymore?

SPEAKER_01 17:20

It was probably around 2005 or six around. And I think I was just exhausted emotionally. But the band actually was like, hey Mark, we know you're you're trying, but this is it just isn't working anymore. You're not really the guy or the singer that used to be. We're not making the songs that that people were used to hearing because you can't sing them, other people are singing, and it just let's just call it. We had a great run. And I'm like, okay. And then I'm like, well, let me tell you what else is happening. They had no idea what was going on in my marriage, so I'm like, this is what's happening. Um and I just basically told them, you know, that my wife filed for divorce, she was leaving, and on the bus one night we all just wept together. It was like, man, it was like they're like, Why haven't you told us this? You know, I'm like, well, um I was trying to protect her the whole time, you know, and hopefully that we could keep it together, and then it all fell apart, and you realize at that point the brotherhood that's around you is special, you know, and that was something that I kind of lament until this day is not leaning on them more because I was like the leader, um, and I should have been more vulnerable, you know, to get their help because they were amazing. And then we did we basically made a record called Adios, and then we did a yeah, it was like I think there was a record called Until My Heart Caves In to You, which Tyler sang a lot of that record, and I am forever grateful for that because I couldn't even I barely could squeak out a note. And he's he's an incredible music, he's in need to breathe now and doing fantastic, you know, he's an amazing musician, but it was a dark night of the soul moment. Um but we made great music, even in the midst of the brokenness. We wrote great songs. It didn't quite sound the same, it wasn't this big house or get down, it was more like this is what it feels like um to be loved, you know, in the midst of brokenness.

SPEAKER_03 19:38

That was yeah, wow. That must have been so meaningful to finally have that conversation with your brothers, yeah, in the sense that it sounds like you were holding on for so long to sort of who you were.

SPEAKER_01 19:56

Yeah, that's right.

SPEAKER_03 19:57

And in trying to maintain that status. I can only imagine the pressure that that put on you.

SPEAKER_01 20:02

Yeah, it was tough. There was a lot of times where I felt like I couldn't. I don't know, I missed a lot of moments with the guys because I would just be like going to the hotel or just laying on my bed. I was depressed, really, yeah, and anxious, and I couldn't I they probably just equated it to the voice, which it was primarily the voice, but it was also equally, I would say equally to the the marriage that was falling apart.

SPEAKER_03 20:33

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 20:34

Um it was yeah, it was tough.

SPEAKER_03 20:36

How how um if you were to go back to you know who you are now, yeah, what would you say to that person when you're in yeah, what would you say to yourself when you're in the middle of all that?

SPEAKER_01 20:50

Man. Well, like I said earlier, that what I would love to have done is had more been more vulnerable. Um you know, we were together, everybody knew what was happening in each other's lives, pretty much except for for that.

SPEAKER_04 21:07

Wow, you know, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:09

I would have said to have been more lean deeper into your relationships around you because that's really all you got, you know. And that God speaks through the men that you put around you. Um and even through the whole thing, I I think I could have led better, you know. That was the one thing that I probably wish I could have done better, is been more vulnerable. And but I was young, you know, it's just like when you're 20 or 30, it's hard to you feel and you feel almost like an imposter. Yeah in a in a place of leadership or even and especially spiritual leadership. You're just like, Really?

SPEAKER_03 21:47

Sure.

SPEAKER_01 21:47

What do you have to say about anything?

SPEAKER_03 21:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:50

But the older you get, you realize that everybody feels that way.

SPEAKER_03 21:54

You know, most men are just like let's let's let's break the facades.

SPEAKER_01 21:57

Yeah, let's just get real and let's put it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 22:01

Wow. So you guys call it. You've gone through divorce, you've gone through the loss of your voice, which was really um your talent in a lot of ways, how you used your talent, what you did with your talent. Was that a pretty big source of identity for you?

SPEAKER_01 22:21

Yeah, definitely. Um as a performance kind of addicted preacher's kid, you know, being on stage, you're judged every night by the audience, how many t-shirts you sell, the record companies like this is how many albums you sold this week. It it becomes not only addictive, but almost like a like a cancer, you know, like, oh gosh, you're so attached to this identity that it's dangerous, you know. But that was the beauty of it all falling apart. You know, a lot of people to this day pray, they're like, because I go out and speak a lot, and people are like, Can I pray for your voice? I think God wants to bring your voice back. Oh wow. And I literally am sometimes I'll be like, Yeah, that's great, pray. Because I if it does, amazing. Sure. But for the most part, I say, you know what, I think God touched my voice and he redirected my path. And he he's the one that took my voice. And I'm completely grateful for it. Wow. Because, you know, when you say talent, I wasn't the best singer. God gave me a window where my voice sounded really cool. But I think my talent was more or less being creative or telling stories or leading, ironically, leading people and being a front man of a band. And um, but that played out in different ways. Um, I'm gonna tell this one thing because God gets the glory in this one quick story. Absolutely. Um There was a moment where my wife was leaving. We haven't divorced yet, the band was falling apart. I've told my parents what happened, my bandmates know. My wife packed up half of our house and left in a box truck. Um and I was we have no kids with her. It was just like me in this house that I built to save my marriage. And I watch her pull away, and I I'm in this house by myself, I fall asleep crying on the floor, literally. Wow. Wake up the next morning and it snowed, it was all icy in Tennessee, and I'm like, it just feels like death, you know. Like, what's left of this pathetic existence that I have? It's just my it's embarrassing what happened to me. I'm a you know, I'm a failure as a husband, my band fell apart. I'm like, how do I go on? And um, I had this old Bronco in the backyard. My my Bronco, I drove it all the time, but it wasn't starting a lot lately. My wife had taken the car that was working. So I'm like, I'm gonna go out, and my truck's not gonna start. That's what's gonna, that's the first moment of the rest of my life is this complete, utter failure. I get in the truck, shut the door, it's freezing cold. And I was also feeling like all the music didn't matter. I was just like, this was just a complete failure. So I'm like, God, could you just start my truck? That's all I'm asking. Just start this Bronco. And I put the keys in the ignition and I turn the ignition over, and boom, the truck starts. Wow. And then music comes on and fills the cab with this song called The Good Life that I had written like six years ago for a friend who was going through a divorce that had lost everything. And I'm like, Will must have put a CD in my CD player. This was an older truck. And I'm like, so I look down, there's no CD in the CD player. The song was on the radio the moment I asked God to start my truck. And the lyrics are this is the good life. I lost everything I could ever want or ever uh dream of. But this is the good life. I found everything I could ever want.

SPEAKER_04 26:22

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 26:22

Like here in your arms. And in this one moment, God said, You know, all the songs that you've written mean something to people. Just like this song that you wrote for your friend. I mean, he was my friend for sure. But he goes, I was, I knew this moment was gonna happen. And I gave you those lyrics for this moment. Wow. And to tell you that you still have a good life left, that you're there's still good things happening. And I realized in that moment how romantic and redemptive God is in our stories. We have no idea the things He's doing right now that are eventually going to come back, and little winks from God, kisses from God that says, No, love letters from this amazing God that we serve that says, No, I got you. Wow. And from that moment on I never looked back. I was never that was it, that was the day you you started to rebuild. Yeah. And it was almost like I felt reborn again in this moment. Like, I there's more for you to do. You know, you're my kid. And um, yeah, it was and then I just started to find new things with this purpose and talent that I had. Um yeah, that's I wanted to share that because God is powerful. My whole world.

SPEAKER_03 27:48

That's that's that's powerful. I feel like you're speaking to so many aspects of our lives that there's there's there's not a playbook for how to handle that. There's not a there's not a formula, there's not a self-help book. Some of that stuff. Sometimes in life, you just have to walk through the thing that is gonna hurt you the most to get to the other side. Yep. And um how was that for you just your talents being a big part of your identity, and all of a sudden you've lost that? How how did you rebuild? So, I mean, that's a beautiful story. Yeah, it feels like day one, ground zero. Yeah, like what do you do now?

SPEAKER_01 28:30

Yeah, you know, it was um there was a moment where I was kind of lost in knowing who I was, like with my talents, but I but I was so kind of baptized in this identity with with God and Christ at that moment that I felt like I've never been more alive. Wow. Um, so you lose everything that you feel like makes you who you are, but then all of a sudden the truth comes out that really all you are is just this vessel. Did you feel more real? Yeah, like courageous, like like dangerous, like dangerously born again. Wow, like rebuilt, like there's nothing that God can't do through me or whatever. Let's go. So at that moment, I started to focus in Haiti. So that was maybe three years before the earthquake, three or four years. So I'm just starting to pour into Haiti. Uh I find church again, I find identity, I find community with these men at church. Will was a part of it, a few other people in Nashville. Um, you know, my pastor was like, I need you to be in a small group. I'm like, I don't do that. I've been in a tour bus for too long. I'm like, I can't get in a small group. And I was like, it weirded me out, the anxiety of all I can't talk. And I'm like, he goes, I'll start a small group just for a few of us guys. I'm like, all right, I'll do that. And then that changed my life. And then I started to pour into Haiti and I we had an organization called the Hands and Feet Project, which is based on the audio adrenaline song from the like '98, '99. And working with my parents, we built children's villages for kids that lost everything. And I was like, this is my voice now. This is my my talent. I want to go tell their story. Instead of singing songs, I'm gonna tell stories of redemption about Haiti. And um that all came to fruition when the earthquake happened in 2012. Everything just fell apart and crumbled. Right, right. And somehow I'm like one of the only people with a cell phone in Haiti. You were in Haiti. Yeah, I was there when the earthquake happened. When it happened, wow. So I'm all of a sudden doing interviews with Wolf Blitzer and the BBC, and I'm like, you know, my voice is cracking, and they're like, What's I was I don't know, I was a singer of a band, but now I'm here. And they're like, Wow, you've become a lost your voice, but you've become a voice for these people and these kids. And I'm like, Okay, God.

SPEAKER_03 31:16

Incredible.

SPEAKER_01 31:16

Yeah, and it was amazing. And um that's what I've been doing, you know, for the last, I guess, yeah, 12 or 13 years is doing that. Well, and you actually adopted Yeah. We were there because I was adopting two kids, my wife and I. So I fell in love, got married, wasn't gonna have any kids because I was older. And then these two came into like the peripheral, and then all of a sudden they're in the fourth one. They're like, God was like, Yeah, these are your kids. And I connected to them and became a dad, and it was that's a whole nother beautiful story. How old are they? They're 18 and 19 now.

SPEAKER_03 31:56

But when you adopted them, three and a half and four. Wow. Yeah. Beautiful.

SPEAKER_01 32:01

Yeah, Crystal, which means Christ was here, was her story. She comes from a she was rescued uh on day one of her life, an amazing, miraculous story. And then uh Journey. His mom died at childbirth, and but when they came together at our children's village, our parents were there, they were in, they were there the first from her second day, they were together. Um so we just were like, Man, I think God wants us to adopt. So we went through the legal process of adopting them. And but while we were in the process, the earthquake happened while we were there. Um and then that was insane. And then because of that, that expedited the adoption process. They came home a year later.

SPEAKER_04 32:49

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 32:49

I became a parent, and then you know, I learned a lot, a lot again through that.

SPEAKER_03 32:56

So you're still running this ministry to to the today?

SPEAKER_01 32:59

I'm on the board right now. I was the executive director of the board. What is it called? It's called Hands and Feet Project. Okay. And that we basically fight against Hades orphan crisis. So if a child's abandoned or the parents are legally dead, they go through eBurse, which is a child protection social service agency. That comp that agency brings children to us. That's like kind of the last best resort for kids. But we also work with struggling moms or struggling families that are like preventive, preventative works to say, hey, don't abandon your kids, keep your families together, let us help you. And then a lot of times we do reunifications. So we uh unite kids if they've been abandoned in a and are in an orphanage somewhere and they're like, don't know what happened, we'll we'll send in social workers and help them unite those families. Wow. Yeah, it's been amazing.

unknown 34:00

Gosh.

SPEAKER_01 34:00

Um, and I wrote a book about the whole thing, and then that was cool and very therapeutic, but also like, you know, it's like when you really dive into your testimony, you understand where God just showed up, and and he it's undeniable. Yeah the miracles of God, you know. Um, the supernatural just becomes real when you really dig into your story and your testimony.

SPEAKER_03 34:28

I want to go back to just one thing we said when you're sharing like sort of the story about getting in the Bronco. Yeah. Um it's one of the first days you felt real.

SPEAKER_02 34:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 34:41

I'm somebody who have have tried to live my life the best I can to um not have to touch the stove to know it's hot. Yeah. Like I I've tried to live my life in way it's like okay, well you you you told me this, so I'm not gonna do that. But sometimes we sometimes we ignore that because we just don't know better and we want to experience something for ourselves. But um I I I think what I'm I'm wanting to ask you is just this this thought of of if you could go back and and just talk to a generation of of people saying, hey, don't touch the stove. Yeah like what would that message be? Um like to not like push it to the city. Because I hear let me let me say this. I think so often we live with such the facades, yeah, with such the pressure of who we think we're supposed to be. Um you start getting success in an area, yeah, and then all of a sudden that does become your identity.

SPEAKER_02 35:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 35:46

And so then you're trying to constantly work to uphold that identity and keep it, and keep it and maintain it. And um, I think we can lose ourselves without even realizing it. Um the thought of you having that moment in the Bronco feels like one of the most beautiful moments to me because I'm like, that's what I long for.

SPEAKER_02 36:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 36:09

I I I want I want to be who God called me to be.

SPEAKER_02 36:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 36:14

Without the facades, without the pressure, yeah, without the the false humility, with just just going, Lord, like what use my life. Like I want my life to be, um, but I feel like so often we have to sort of go through our own losing of our voice, if you will. Like the wilderness. The wilderness to get there. And I'm often curious, like, come on, guys, like, just don't touch the stove, it's hot. You know, like um you know what I would say is like don't be afraid to lose it all.

SPEAKER_01 36:52

Because you know, I can see some of my peers in music that have been around for a long time, and I'm like, really, man, like and some of them make mistakes, a lot of them make mistakes, we all make mistakes, but even some of them are holding on to this music thing or this ministry thing. And um there's a there's a real power and a real um rebirthing this when you die, when everything dies, and I'm I'm I'm saying, you know, your dreams, your passion, or whatever it is, it just falls on the altar, and then all of a sudden what comes out of the ashes is this pure Jesus moment where you're reborn again, and um I was blessed to be able to have it. Like it it is it was a defining moment for me when I was stripped of everything and re kind of I guess skinned in in like this Jesus, like this angelic thing that he put over top of him. He's like, uh, I got you. You good? Go be and do things that you would never even dream of. It has nothing to do with music, but just go be me to the people around you. And it was fantastic. So sometimes you hang on to things too long. Don't be afraid to move from season to season. And when things are when things feel like they're breaking apart, don't just hang on for the sake of hanging on to this identity or this job or this dream. Let it go to the ashes, because on the other side there's beauty, and that's what I would suggest is don't be afraid to walk through that wilderness, that fire. Because in the middle of it, man, it's incredible. But on the other side, it's like miraculous. Wow.

SPEAKER_03 39:00

Yeah, that's so powerful. Yeah, it was it was amazing, man. Oh, I love hearing your story, man. Um, it's so redemptive, and I think there's just so many uh nuggets that you've just unpacked for us. So thank you for taking your time to do this. Um, tell us how we can connect or support like the projects you're working on now.

SPEAKER_01 39:21

Yeah, um well, my passion is hands and feet, it's Haiti. You know, you can go to handsandfeetproject.org, learn about that. Um that's the best thing that you could do to kind of partner with us is go to the website, learn about it. Maybe right now you can't go on trips to Haiti because it is a mess right now with gang violence. It feels like it's starting to come around. Again, we're praying for that, where we can take people on a different type of mission trips. I I don't like traditional mission trips. I like to invite people on trips where they let Haitians serve them. It's very odd, but I want you to be humble enough to let a Haitian wash your feet. Wow. And it flips the script on people and it breaks them down. Come on. Um now you can wash their feet too, but you gotta be willing to let Haiti serve you. Otherwise, you're going for the wrong reason. Wow. Um, so that's kind of what we did before the gangs took over was kind of rethink what it looks like to go to Haiti and serve and be served. Um, but you could do that, you could, you know, help one of our kids, you could sponsor them, invest in them from prayer to helping them, you know, pay for their school and stuff like that. You know, make a donation, you could do that, but definitely just get involved, learn more about what's happening in Haiti and be a champion for that country. It's the world's toughest places to do any kind of mission work. It's hard to exist there. It's right on the brink of a famine. Um, so just pray for Haiti. Uh, that would be the great thing. If you want to learn more about my story, I've kind of told you everything about me, but if you love it, I do have a book called Losing My Voice to Find It. It's like a dollar on Amazon. You know, you can probably get it. Oh, come on. Yeah, it's like you can get it like the audiobook for three dollars, but it's a good read. My buddy wrote it with me. His name's Roger Thompson, and he's a fly fisherman, but he writes books about fly fishing and and God. And he was like, Man, I want to write a book about your story. We did it together, and it's he did a phenomenal job. Without him, it would, it would have been terrible. Um, but it is a it's a piece of art, I think. It's very, it's really cool. Oh so beautiful. Yeah, it's a killer story. Um, but man, if you're if you're kind of lost and you're trying to figure out, I don't have that, I'm not going through a divorce. My job, you know, my talents. You know, the best way to find God is to serve somebody. The best way to find Jesus is to connect to the poor, to connect to the marginalized and serve them. And in the middle of that, you're gonna find repurpose. Your talents are gonna come through, and Jesus is gonna find your way. Or you're gonna find your way to Jesus through the poor. Come on.

SPEAKER_03 42:07

Yeah, man, Mark, thank you so much. Yeah, thanks for having me. Really, really value your time and just sitting down with us. And um, I feel like, you know, I'm gonna just speak to my editor. Yeah, like I think we should we should cut out to Father's house. You know what I mean? Like perfect. Like clip music now. So thank you so much, man. I appreciate you so much.

SPEAKER_01 42:27

Thanks for having me.

SPEAKER_03 42:28

Bless you.