Wesley’s Pop Culture Club

Issue #13 -- There's A Lotta Ants, There's A Lotta Us

Lucas and Jonah Season 1 Episode 13

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0:00 | 53:01

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On this very special no-format Issue, Jonah and Lucas check in on Jonah's longboarding journey and listen to fan mail before diving in on some thought-provoking topics such as what happens after you die, putting forks in the microwave, and allergies! Thanks for listening!

Art by Maddy Asma

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SPEAKER_03

Hello everybody, and welcome to issue number thirteen of Yours, Ours, and Everybody's Wesley's Pop Culture Club. Wow, you're staring at me with just fierce precision. I didn't know where I was going with that.

SPEAKER_02

I'm here, man.

SPEAKER_03

We uh thank you. We are here together, and we are a pop culture discussion podcast. Um this is our thank you. This is our lucky number 13th episode. Wow. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Baker's dozen as well. Baker's does. Bakers does.

SPEAKER_03

You throw a little extra one in there because they love you. Oh thanks. So kind. Thank you. Um we are uh kind of uh throwing away the pop culture thing for this episode. I'm sure something will come up, probably. Yeah, usually discussions between us, yeah.

SPEAKER_02

In our very intellectual discussions.

SPEAKER_03

Yes. Yes. Uh which this will no doubt be one of those. Yes.

SPEAKER_02

So strap on your bootstraps.

SPEAKER_03

Strap on those bootstraps. Right. Pull them tight. Um we're kind of doing a no format thing here for this one. We have an extra Friday that we couldn't decide what to do with. And we're gonna test this out. Okay, see how it goes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

I like that idea.

SPEAKER_03

And then, regardless of how it goes, we'll probably continue to do this on the extra Fridays.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, we won't listen to the feedback.

SPEAKER_03

No. We're just gonna plow ahead. I'm sure there'll be a lot, but um I'm not gonna listen to any of it. Yeah, good. Stay true.

SPEAKER_02

Okay.

SPEAKER_03

Um I I have a little question for you. Okay. That I wanted to um people people on the internet who listen to this show, sure. They're obsessed and they're dying to know. Oh how is the longboarding going? Really? They want to know.

unknown

Okay.

SPEAKER_03

I do too, but I didn't realize it was gonna be such a big deal.

SPEAKER_04

Wow.

SPEAKER_02

Um, I don't look at our like comments or anything, so maybe I like like could do that.

SPEAKER_03

No, it's better for your mental health if you don't know.

SPEAKER_04

A lot of them are like, you guys saw that, right, yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Probably like 90% of that.

SPEAKER_02

Uh it's it's actually going well right now. Thank you for you guys for asking. Um, I had a I had a fall that happened like like two weeks ago where I uh I went down a hill. I kind of bit off more than I could chew.

SPEAKER_03

This was the did we we talked about this? I think that we did. And you landed kind of on your side. Yes. Yes. Oh, okay. I forgot that we that we talked about this. Oh, yeah. This is why people want to know how it's going. They're worried about you. Okay, so they want you to stop.

SPEAKER_02

You need to quit that. Okay, so let's so I'm doing better now.

SPEAKER_03

Okay.

SPEAKER_02

Um, yeah, so I can I can skate now, and I have learned to go on longer, flatter surfaces. Okay, I don't really go into any I don't go into any hills right now. Uh, but truthfully, I mean I didn't go this last week. I think it's been like I don't really go that much, you know. Um I try to go like on the weekends.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

But yeah, it's been fun. I want to do it, continue to do it more, and I want to get better at at like turv turning, which is called like carving.

SPEAKER_03

Wow.

SPEAKER_02

It's very cool.

SPEAKER_03

It's like you kind of just like why not just call it turning?

SPEAKER_02

Because carving is way cooler. Sounds a lot cooler. But you also you feel like you're carving up the road. You know what I mean? Like you're like, and that's why it's called carving.

SPEAKER_03

Do you ever notice that you are?

SPEAKER_02

No, I've never had. You see little divots? No, I've never I've never done that.

SPEAKER_03

Oh, okay. Yeah. Alright. Uh yeah. So it's kind of a misnomer then. Yeah, yeah, it is.

SPEAKER_02

Unfortunately, it is. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

You got me. I think we've established you lie on this podcast.

SPEAKER_02

Well, I've said that. I love to lie a lot. But uh no, it's going good. And yeah, I want to keep doing it. I would like to I actually was looking up uh this weekend. Can like can I just do it in like public roads? Like, can I go into like the city and just do it on the roads? And in our state, there's a law that says you're not many of them. I know, right? There's there's so many laws. Yeah, it's we only need like four, I think. Probably like something like that. I you know, but yeah, so it says that you can you can't, you know, it says that you can't do it on the roads and send the pup on public roads. Okay, and then it was unclear about sidewalks, but honestly, I'm not gonna do it on sidewalks because they're all like choppy, like divots, you know, and it's like people are walking there. So, um, so yeah, so now I'm just like doing it in parks. I go to a park. Nice. But I also was thinking of doing it on a bike path. Because that's something that you could do. Like paved, yeah. Yeah. So it's go yeah, it's going well, and I want to continue doing it and carving.

SPEAKER_03

Cool, man. Keep that carving up. Thanks, dude. I am uh we'll be checking back in in the future. Yeah, no, I I appreciate it. People uh will only be sated for so long.

SPEAKER_02

I yeah, I I uh I want people to be sated. Yeah. So that's part of the reason why I like to come on the show with you to ensure that at least one person is sated in my longboard and quest, but also like just other avenues, you know. How do you feel like it's going so far? It's going pretty good.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, I'm actually pretty satisfied. Okay. I'm pretty satisfied. You're doing well. Yeah. Yeah. I feel full and happy.

SPEAKER_02

Good, dude. Okay. That's good.

SPEAKER_03

Um, how about this? Yeah. We got a couple of audio fan mail messages from devoted fans uh followers of the pod through our podcast um directory uh software or what it is.

SPEAKER_02

Was it like a Rolodex? Yeah. It's like a Rolodex, I saw it in the back room, I think.

SPEAKER_03

And somehow it plays audio, and people can send can send like voicemails to it. Okay.

SPEAKER_02

Wow, that's I didn't know it had that capacity. Yeah. Yeah, that's pretty simple.

SPEAKER_03

So it's really cool. Wow. Wow. So so I thought we could listen to them. Yeah, that'd be awesome. We have two. We have two. Okay. Okay. Should we dive in on the first one?

SPEAKER_02

Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_03

Now this is from somebody.

SPEAKER_02

Okay.

SPEAKER_03

The subject of this message says it's always been Jack.

SPEAKER_02

So that's so okay.

SPEAKER_03

That's that's some good fan mail there. So that's one of them. Okay. Um thank you to whoever that was. We really appreciate that. We really appreciate that.

SPEAKER_02

That was very heartfelt and emotional.

SPEAKER_03

Amazing.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, like I teared up. That could be you mentioned in our last week's issue that we had some possible theme song contenders. Right. That one's at the top of the list right now.

SPEAKER_03

Well, it's interesting you say that. Okay. Because our next uh fan mail uh comes to us from someone else. Somebody else. I don't know. The subject of this one says Zoot Suit. Let's take a listen.

SPEAKER_01

Um, I wrote a little song that I maybe thought could be your theme song. So I was just wondering if maybe you guys could put it as like an album of the month or something. Maybe you could listen to it. It's just I got a little snippet. I'm gonna send the rest of the EPs your way. Uh, but this is how it goes.

SPEAKER_00

Zubba zit zabudo di zab. Zibba do zab zib zab zip Oh that's a masterpiece.

SPEAKER_02

I think that's our theme song. I think it is too. That's totally I'm on board for that.

SPEAKER_03

Thank you to whomever sent that one our way. Um that was that was really eclectic. You don't hear something like that often.

SPEAKER_02

No, I do, but yeah, I bet you do.

SPEAKER_03

Um I loved the throat, the clearing of the throat before the singing began. Classy. It was classy. Very classy.

SPEAKER_02

I I hope if I ever meet this person who did this, that I, you know, I can hopefully I can meet them someday and just say, what a masterpiece.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

You know, they don't people are saying they don't make them like they used to. Uh that's false. Clearly. We got the evidence right here. Very nice, right? This is awesome. So this is this this is a great track.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. Thank you. Thank you so much. I uh I am a little bit bummed that we just recorded our albums of the month.

SPEAKER_02

Because I do feel like that one would have really that would have fit well, but really well.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

But you know what?

SPEAKER_03

We got time. We got time. It just came out. That was sent to us only three days ago. So does it give a username at all? Or it gives an email, but that feels private.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, yeah. Is it an Amazon email? Do we know? Or that feels damn it.

SPEAKER_03

True like too much information to divulge.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Um that was the stuff that I had that was planned. We're 11 minutes in. Feels like we should we should probably keep going. We could keep going. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

So okay, yeah. Okay. What else what else do you been like thinking about lately?

SPEAKER_03

Man, lately. I've been taking walks at night and looking up at the sky. And I've been wondering, and I'm gonna pose this question to you in all seriousness. Yeah. What do you think happens when we die?

SPEAKER_02

Oh god. I you know what? Funny you asked this because I like to take walks too.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Uh at night. At night? Yeah, at night. And um sometimes I'll look up at the stars too. When you can see them. From all that pollution, right?

unknown

God damn it.

SPEAKER_02

Am I serious or am I not serious? Are you? I you gotta be joking me.

SPEAKER_03

Okay. Are you joking? Am I joking you? Are you serious?

SPEAKER_02

Yes. I'm serious right now. Alright. Okay, so what happens when you die? I that's a great question. That's a great question. One of the classics, I think. Age old. I think that I, you know, some part of me thinks that, you know, there's a lot of ants running around. Okay, I like where this is going. And I'm just like, there's a lot of ants. There's a lot of us. Right, right. In the Midwest. Let's focus on the Midwest right now. Okay. Last week we talked about that. We're both from the Midwest. Um I'm thinking that we probably turn into ants. And here's the thing, okay? What does someone do when they see an ant? They step on them. You know what? That I I think that that's just that's messed up because that's a person. And I've just been thinking about that a little bit lately. I mean, there's so many of them, right? There are. It could also be like any bug. There's so many bugs. But let's keep the focus on ants right now, okay? So that's why I don't kill ants, I just flick them. You know, I say get off. I'm sure they're fine after that. Yeah, oh yeah. Like I'll flick them really, really hard. Right. Just because they're gross. Yeah. But just get them off of my hands.

SPEAKER_03

And they kind of land on their back and they don't move.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, yeah. But they're fine. I don't step on them though. No, no. I'm not gonna do that. Yeah, I'm not gonna do that to them.

SPEAKER_03

No, no, no. I hear you.

SPEAKER_02

What do you what are your thoughts on on this?

SPEAKER_03

Well, on ants? Any of that. Okay. Well, I'll say I'm looking I'm looking this up. According to an article from NPR, published in September of 2022. Okay. The number of ants per every human on Earth. What I want you to take a guess.

SPEAKER_02

This is a really interesting question. So humans, I think there's seven uh is it like billion? I think we might be in the eights now. Or in eight billions?

SPEAKER_03

I think we might be in the early eights. In the early earlies. Let's see. Let's see. Early earlies. Um 8.3. That's still early. Wow. We're not quite to the eight halves.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. That's still early earlies. So the question, so was the question was how many ants per person? Per person. I'm gonna wow, that's a really good question. I'm gonna guess like 10,000 per person. That seems like a lot.

SPEAKER_03

You ready for this?

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

2.5 million. No. No. That's impossible. 2.5 million per one person. Per one person, they estimate 20 quadrillion in total. That's crazy, dude. Are you joking me? Am I serious?

SPEAKER_02

Are you serious right now?

SPEAKER_03

I'm just reading what NPR has to say.

SPEAKER_02

Dude, okay, I didn't realize it was that high. Oh my gosh. I thought 10,000 was gonna be high.

SPEAKER_03

So it was two point what was it? 2.5 million per person. That means you could own 2.5 million ants and everybody else would still have their fair share.

unknown

Wow.

SPEAKER_02

That's really what I think we should be doing. Right. Not that I should say what we should do, but that seems like a good uh It could be a good thing. We could try. We could try. Start you know, collecting our ants.

SPEAKER_03

I probably have like four just in here that I don't know about. Oh really? You know?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Just walking around.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, they probably are in here. Yeah. Walking, but um what I mean what are your what are your thoughts on what happens after we die? I think it just goes black. Oh see that's the thing that I will think about too, and it's like that's that's a scary thought right there.

SPEAKER_03

I guess, but also I feel like you don't know, you know. I know. You know. You know. No, I know that I don't know. Right. You know. I think it would be okay.

SPEAKER_02

Like you wouldn't be aware of it, you know. So what do you like what do you do? You just it's like forever, you're just sitting there?

SPEAKER_03

Forever for other people.

SPEAKER_02

But what if you're not gonna be able to do it?

SPEAKER_03

There's no I don't think there's I don't know. I don't I would I would imagine there's just no consciousness. See, this is the thing, it's hard to imagine. No consciousness. Because you've all you've just always been, you know.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I have always been.

SPEAKER_03

You've always been. Well, not when we're sleeping, though.

SPEAKER_02

I mean you're you're dreaming. You dream though. Yeah. But I I feel like I am like switched off for the night. Right.

SPEAKER_03

You know, I'm like turning it off. If you were still doing stuff while you were dreaming, that would be crazy. Well, that does happen.

SPEAKER_02

People I think they sleepwalk.

SPEAKER_03

People sleepwalk, right? Yeah. They're not turned off all the way. Yeah, that's kinda kinda cool, actually. Maybe people will sleepwalk eventually when they die, and that'll be like zombies.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, so they're yeah, like they're dead, but they're just they're sleepwalking.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

So can they can they wake up at all?

SPEAKER_03

Or no. Here's here's I'm gonna rectify that. Here's what I think happens. When you sleep off, you're on low power mode. When you sleep, when you sleep, you're on low power mode. Okay, yeah. When you die, you get turned off. Power off. You know what I mean? I do. They take the batteries out.

SPEAKER_02

Wow. Yeah, that's like a that's like a machine. We're like a machine then. Right. Right? Yeah. Would you consider yourself a machine? I would. Okay. Okay. What do you what do you like to do as a machine? Do you like to just Well, I have to eat. Okay. And I like to do it sometimes. Yeah, I've seen you eat because you've got to be a little bit more than I don't I don't know if I've ever seen you eat.

SPEAKER_03

I don't like to eat around you. Okay. Um just me? Yeah, just you. What is it about me that uh makes sense?

SPEAKER_02

I don't want to, you know, show that I'm really overly vulnerable, you know, so I have to always per portray like a like an alpha dog personality.

SPEAKER_03

You're kind of like that's what I like to do. Oh, okay. It's an alpha thing though. Right. It's not like like Rocky from Project Tale Mary where it's just gross in their culture to like eat in front of someone.

SPEAKER_02

No. Okay. No, I I like to yeah, I like to, you know, I like to do that. So that's just why I do it.

SPEAKER_03

Okay.

SPEAKER_02

So that's why I don't eat in front of you. Um so good to know.

SPEAKER_03

I think we never talked about that before, but I yeah. I feel like I've eaten a lot of foods in front of you.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I I think you have.

SPEAKER_03

And a lot of times you're you're like kind of looking at them almost like you wanna ask for a bite. I have to do it. But you have really good self-control, I think.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I had to portray that I you know It's an act. It's like the alpha, like I I have I always have to try to be alpha dog in any situation that I'm in.

SPEAKER_03

Okay.

SPEAKER_02

So that's just how I was, you know, how I was born that way. Uh, I gotta continue that. So that's it. I mean, a lot of times, you know, I'll just tell you this right now, I'll get a little vulnerable, you know. Right after I'm done hanging out with you, I'll just slam a McDonald's like freaking back. Yeah, I'll just drive over there. And I just uh be careful there. Yeah, well, I don't I don't get any liquids when I'm there.

SPEAKER_03

I think you're good then.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I just get solids. Yeah. Um, so like freaking Big Mac, freaking You don't wash it down with anything?

SPEAKER_03

No, I'm a dry dog.

SPEAKER_02

Okay. Okay. I'm a dry dog kind of guy. You know, and you heard it here first, folks. You did. I do a hash brown with the Big Mac. I'm not gonna tell you what time of day that's at, even though I I think I just did earlier. But you said whenever you leave here. Yes. Yeah, but sometimes I come here at like 6 a.m. You know, I just drive right over here really quick. Do you? Yes.

SPEAKER_03

What are you doing?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I don't think you're gonna be able to do it. You hung out for like three hours that one time. Remember I knocked on the door, you said, Hey, how are you? I said, Good. Oh, that's that's awesome. This is ringing a bell now. So I came in and I said, Oh, like what day is it? And you were like Monday, and I was like, Oh, cool. So I just said, You got some time? You're like, Yeah, I got three hours. So I said, Cool. So we came into your really long living room, which is like how many feet is it again? A thousand years. A thousand years, that's right. Okay, it's a thousand years because it's like time to distance, you know, which we're still working on that conversion. The equation, yeah, the equation chart. So yeah, we came into the living room here, and don't you remember we did that fun game where you like ran you like ran down?

SPEAKER_03

Oh, I tried to run as many years as I could.

SPEAKER_02

Yes, and I was like yelling to you, and I said, Hey, yeah, hey Lucas, yeah, and you were like, What? I can't hear you, and I said, What? I I thought you could because you're responding, and then you just kept running.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

So is this ringing a bell?

SPEAKER_03

It is, yeah. After about a year of running, you can't hear the person anymore in this room. So the other 999, you might not you might as well not even bother, you know. If you're trying to hear anyway. Yeah. Um, so then I think I can't. So it was like two years round trip.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, it was I was like way older at that point, you know.

SPEAKER_03

It was like in Interstellar when they come back, and it's been like 27 years. Sure.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

I had a beard when you came back.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. You know, and I I didn't, weirdly enough. No. I think it's different. Same or is it different? I think it's different in here. I was gonna ask you in that, you know, when you're running in the living room there. Is it like what does it look like? Is it just this room extended? Or is it like, are there other things to do?

SPEAKER_03

Or no, yeah, it's just it's like pure sunlight the whole time. It's actually really like for your eyes, really bad. Much easier to see coming back. Oh, because a return trip, you're looking, you're looking back at this, you know. Sure. Um, and it gets really hot in here.

SPEAKER_02

So did it did it feel like two years, do you think?

SPEAKER_03

No.

SPEAKER_02

No, it didn't work.

SPEAKER_03

Not to me like two years. It felt like two miles. So it depends on how fast you run.

unknown

Okay.

SPEAKER_03

Two miles. Probably like really fast. Eight minutes.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, for two miles total? Yeah. For me? Yeah. That's that's pretty substantial. Yeah. Do you run a lot? Oh, so much. Oh, okay. I didn't realize that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Good.

SPEAKER_03

Um I ran in between these two uh issues that we recorded today.

SPEAKER_02

Did you really how many miles did you run there? Four. Four miles?

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, okay. You don't even look sweaty or smell or anything like that. Oh, thanks. Pretty good. Thanks. Yeah, that's how I like gauge when people run.

SPEAKER_03

How far people have run, yeah. By how sweaty and smelly they are.

SPEAKER_02

Right, right. No, you look I mean you're in good shape. Like you look like you're doing well.

SPEAKER_03

Oh yeah. No, definitely.

SPEAKER_02

Okay.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, it's great. Yeah. Um so I think either it just goes black, or maybe we are machines and we wake up in our real life. Maybe it's like a simulation kind of thing.

unknown

Oh, wait.

SPEAKER_02

Oh wow. So right now, you according to what you're saying, right now you and I are machines. Right. Or part of one machine. Oh, like there's one like great like global machine?

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Oh.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Oh wow. Okay. Everybody is a part of that?

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, but that kind of feels like solipsistic. And I don't really I don't believe in that.

SPEAKER_02

So what do you uh what do you mean by that? Why does it feel solipsistic?

SPEAKER_03

Because then if it's a if it's a uh simulation, then am I the only one aware of uh myself and everybody else is like NPCs or something? I don't like that. Oh, this is when you've died, right? No, like in life. Like is it would it be that it's a simulation, but I'm the only one perceiving it and you're not actually real? Oh but I don't believe in that.

SPEAKER_02

No, I don't believe in that.

SPEAKER_03

That's like a that sounds very selfish to think that it does.

SPEAKER_02

It does sound selfish. Um that would suck. That would suck. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Because then we'd be pretty lonely. What if you got reincarnated? What would you want to be when you came back? A human again or a hawk? Toats, yeah. Nice.

SPEAKER_02

I want to violate. Don't you want to fly around? Like, fuck it.

SPEAKER_03

I would want to be whatever kills hawks. You bastard.

SPEAKER_02

I here's the thing: nothing can kill a hawk.

SPEAKER_03

Oh. Apex. Nothing. Okay. Yeah, they're the apex. You're telling me if a hawk walked up to like the alligator exhibit at a zoo, the alligator wouldn't try and bite that thing and roll around with it in its mouth? I think it would, but it would just fly.

SPEAKER_02

It would start flying away. And it was like, haha, you can't fly, alligator. F you guy. Can you imagine if alligators could fly? Whoa. We'd be fucked. That would be that's insane, dude. Oh man, I'm imagining that right now. Yeah, I can tell. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my god. That would be messed up. I can just see them though, like their wings are really tiny and they're like their body is like drag, like they're like this. Oh yeah. And they're like, ah, and he's like, they're struggling. So that's like the first generation. But a couple gens down. Right. They'll have evolution would do its thing. Yes.

SPEAKER_03

And then they have really like lizard wings.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, yeah, like some lizard wings. Like that.

SPEAKER_03

That would be a dragon. Yeah, I was essentially thinking an alligator could fly. That's a dragon. Well, it doesn't breathe fire though. Not all of them do. Not all dragons do. I don't think so.

SPEAKER_02

Wow.

SPEAKER_03

Huh.

SPEAKER_02

I don't uh I've never met one though, so yeah, I don't think I have either. Um yeah, I I I I don't know. What what animal would you choose to be? Besides the one that would kill a hawk. Right. Which seems like that was kind of directed at my answer, like kind of right after I said it. I don't know where you're getting that. It seemed that I was that's just an inkling that I had.

SPEAKER_03

That's always been my number one.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, okay. Alright.

SPEAKER_03

Forever. Wow, okay. So like if I had gone first, I would have said that, and then you would have said, Well, I want to be a hawk, and then it would have had a different connotation to it. Different connotation. But it just so happened.

SPEAKER_02

How? Yeah. I went first. Because so like you would be killing me. You know, I would still as I was saying it, I'd be like, a hawk?

SPEAKER_03

Like that, you know, and I'd have been like Well, the truth is that I would actually like to come back as a field mouse. That's wow. So I'm a little offended that you want to be a hawk. A field mouse. You're gonna disembowel me.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, you know what I am. You know it. My name's gonna be like Chad. It's gonna be awesome.

SPEAKER_03

Who's gonna name you? The other hawks.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, one of the other hawks. I already like know a guy who's gonna be a hawk, and I put in a good word, you know.

SPEAKER_03

Okay.

SPEAKER_02

But um You got to choose? Yeah, this other dude?

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, yeah, yeah, he got to choose. Yeah. He's coming back as a hawk. Oh, yeah, he is.

SPEAKER_03

Why have we why have we been discussing what might happen when you die if this guy knows that reincarnation is a thing? I don't have an answer for that.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

You could have stopped this dead in its tracks. Dead in its tracks.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I I could have, but I didn't want to spring that, you know, right away. You know, I I got a lot of there's a lot of things you don't know about me that I keep kind of hitting.

SPEAKER_03

I didn't know you don't eat in front of people.

SPEAKER_02

Well, yeah. I mean it's mainly you. Yeah. It's just mainly you, but there's like some other people sometimes, but it's mainly you that I don't eat in front of.

SPEAKER_03

You want to get a you wanna get a pizza? No. Okay.

unknown

Damn it.

SPEAKER_02

Surprisingly, I really hate pizza.

SPEAKER_03

Strain really? Yeah, it's just actually no, not actually. No.

SPEAKER_02

I love pizza.

SPEAKER_03

Isn't it interesting how in this life you won't eat in front of me, and in the next life, you're gonna eat me.

SPEAKER_02

That's a little ironic.

SPEAKER_03

You're gonna disembowel me with your beak. Yes, I plan on doing that. By the way, I was looking up why cats bunny kick. You know this thing they do? They'll grab a like a toy with their front paws and then they'll kick at it with their back paws. Like really quick.

SPEAKER_02

Is this like when they're like curled in like a ball?

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. So apparently it's a it's an instinctual thing that they do to prey, where they will grab the prey with their front paws, and what I was reading was said it said uh they will attack with their back claws in disembowelment style kicks. As if disembowelment style is a thing.

SPEAKER_02

That's effed.

SPEAKER_03

That's scary.

SPEAKER_02

That's that's pretty crazy, yeah. So he so old John Guy over. Old John Guy. John boy, he's is he doing that to little Phyllis?

SPEAKER_03

Yes. Oh, all the time. If Phyllis was a living thing, she would have no bowels left. It would be disimmed. They'd be disimmed.

SPEAKER_02

I was gonna say that. I did not expect to talk about Phyllis like that when I walk through these doors today. Yeah. But I don't know where she is. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

I'll find her.

SPEAKER_02

But and if those who don't know, Phyllis is a little cat toy that little cat toy here at the at the pad. Yeah. Not at the pod, but at the pad.

SPEAKER_03

No, I don't have it right now.

SPEAKER_02

Whoa. You might want to be careful with that guy. Oh. Okay, those of you in the podcast who can't see, Lucas is flipping me off with an infinity gauntlet. And for the whole world, for that matter. So um I think we just lost our half of our listenership. Oh no. Yeah, we gotta be careful. You know what? This is for those people. Sticking to it. So, alright, so we've covered a couple good topics so far. We have. Yeah, I think.

SPEAKER_03

Is there anything else on your brain?

SPEAKER_02

Oh man. I I yeah, there there is. I just can't I can't like you know decipher what it is exactly. It's kind of like that smell, like when you walk outside on a hot day and you're just walking around, you know, and you're like, what's that? What is that smell? You know? Has this ever happened to you?

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Definitely.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, isn't it crazy? Like most times a smell hits me. My first thought is, what is that? Same here. What is that? Same. What does that smell make you think of? Ass.

SPEAKER_02

But then here's the thing, okay? I don't see a ass around me. Okay. So then I'm like, am I the ass?

SPEAKER_03

But you smell it specifically when you go outside.

SPEAKER_02

Yes. Right. So I just continued to walk, and I'm like, oh, this smell of ass is everywhere. And I I remembered I put on deodorant that day. Right. Right. This was a couple days ago.

SPEAKER_03

Well, would ass smell be coming from your orbits? Do you put deodorant on your ass? Isn't that Aren't you supposed?

SPEAKER_02

This is on the directions, I thought. Put on ass.

SPEAKER_03

I uh I'm not gonna tell you how to live your life.

SPEAKER_02

So because it's it's stinky.

SPEAKER_03

You still smell it. Yeah, you still smell what? You still smell ass when you go outside.

SPEAKER_02

Is it working? It's stopped now. I'm telling you, I've been doing this for years. It has not failed me until this point. You've built up a tolerance. I think that's what it is. Well, now I'm I'm confused about this aluminum-free bullshit.

unknown

Okay.

SPEAKER_02

And now what's confusing about it? I think I need a ton of aluminum. Oh. Right, right up in there. Yeah. Okay. And so I think I'm gonna get back on that because I went to the deodorant style, not the antiperspirant. Right. I'm gonna get back to the antiperspirant. Um I think that's what my problem is. So that's what's really been on my brain. I couldn't, I felt a little self-conscious about talking about it with you, but I feel better now.

SPEAKER_03

I don't think there's any reason for that. Yeah. Um you know what's crazy about aluminum?

SPEAKER_02

What's that?

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

You line a cooking sheet or a like a pan with some aluminum foil. You put that shit in the oven at 425 degrees. Is it you pull that out when it's done doing whatever it's doing? You touch that aluminum foil, it's not hot. Really? What's the deal with that?

SPEAKER_02

Okay, I have not tested that. I So I have a question.

SPEAKER_03

No.

SPEAKER_02

I'm gonna ask anyways. Have you are you putting food on the pan on this foil? Or are you just putting like a bear?

SPEAKER_03

Okay. Well, you I'll put the I'll put I'll have a pan, foil.

SPEAKER_02

No, yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Oil food.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, so okay, so you have oil and food on the foil. Okay.

SPEAKER_03

The food gets hot.

SPEAKER_02

The pan gets hot.

SPEAKER_03

The foil?

SPEAKER_02

Why how does that work? Have you t you've tested this? I've tested it. You're not joking me right now?

SPEAKER_03

I'm not joking you.

SPEAKER_02

Okay.

SPEAKER_03

Am I serious?

SPEAKER_02

I I are you? Are you serious right now?

SPEAKER_03

Am I?

SPEAKER_02

I I think so. Okay.

SPEAKER_03

I can't tell really, but um you might just have to trust me on this one.

SPEAKER_02

I don't I don't think I uh I don't know if I'm gonna try that. Um it sounds pretty cool though. Like I am interested in this concept.

SPEAKER_03

I'll show you. Maybe I can maybe I can make us some uh some Brussels sprouts before you go, and we can both eat them. I'm gonna have to pass. Damn it. Yeah, I'm gonna pass on that one. You're gonna eat something in front of me.

SPEAKER_02

I don't know if I am. I wanted to ask you, or actually I wanted to mention this to you, one time when I was at work. Okay, so this is a different medium we're gonna switch over to. Okay. One of my co-workers at at work, okay, we've established that's where it is. Sure. He had um tinfoil that wrapped a burger or like a sandwich, okay. He threw that puppy in the microwave, and that shit lit on fire. Okay. Why did he do that? I don't know. I think he forgot to take it off. Something, yeah. Oh no, I forgot. And it like lit on fire a little bit, and he like threw it in the sink and like doused it. That actually is a true story. That happened. Wow. So, and it I think it was like a wrapper. It was like a tinfoil wrapper. I see a spider on your wall right now. What's his deal? He's climbing, he's on the black and white poster.

SPEAKER_03

You got a jumper.

unknown

Yeah, oh boy.

SPEAKER_02

It's not an ant though. No. So far, I've seen more spiders than ants.

SPEAKER_03

I keep finding these uh pretty decent sized jumping spiders in here.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, that that looks like one of them, I think. Yeah. Safe bet.

unknown

Bet.

SPEAKER_03

Out of sight, out of mind. Tell me about it, right? But he's in your sight though, huh? Well, I can't quite see him now. I think. I think he went behind a poster.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, okay, good.

unknown

All right.

SPEAKER_03

So Um, well, I I was gonna comment on your story that um if I try to avoid doing stuff like that, but also like and we've talked about this, I think, off mic.

SPEAKER_02

Sure.

SPEAKER_03

Sometimes I want a little lightning show in my microwave. Right. So I'll put I think we found the perfect numbers like eight. If you put like eight forks on the the spinning plate inside your microwave, and you just hit like you just hit 30 seconds like ten times. So what is that, like five minutes probably? Something like that. Something like that. Something like that, yeah. Um and then you just kind of sit there, you get a hell of a show. It's like 4th of July, right in your microwave.

unknown

Gosh.

SPEAKER_03

You have to pay anything for that. You don't have to pay anything.

SPEAKER_02

That's awesome. Well, I don't get why more are more people doing this. Do you know? Have you checked with anybody else if they are?

SPEAKER_03

Or No, do I every time I bring it up, people give me like a weird look.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, sure.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. Why do they do that? They ask me if I'm doing alright. I mean it's a free lightning show.

SPEAKER_02

Like I can get behind that. I don't understand why more people aren't doing this. Well, here's the question that we were I have to ask to follow up. What do the forks look like after the show is done?

SPEAKER_03

Varying degrees of not much change to charred.

SPEAKER_02

Oh wow, okay. That's quite a big variation.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

There. Do you have to throw them away then? Um no. You can reuse them?

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Do you are the do you just leave the forks in there like until the next time you're gonna do a lightning show? Well, what am I gonna do with them?

SPEAKER_03

Oh yeah, well, we're not gonna use them then, right? Well, I might I mean I might I would, but yeah. I mean, but probably the next time I'm gonna use the microwave is for a lightning show, so I'll just leave them in there.

SPEAKER_02

Okay, oh, so you are leaving them in there then. Yeah. What about like if you know Rachel or someone else has to use the microwave?

SPEAKER_03

She has a bad habit of taking them out and yelling at me for doing that. Oh, oh wow. Which again, I don't I've tried to explain it. It's a free lightning show. She's like, you need to put your head on straight. You're gonna burn this place down. And I'm like, she's like, we've been through five microwaves. We've lived here four days. Oh yeah. Wow, that's a lot of microwaves. So this was in the past. It's probably gone up since then.

SPEAKER_02

Okay. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

The amount of microwaves. Because we've been here several years now. Sure. So based on that rate, I don't several years worth of microwaves.

SPEAKER_02

Wow, I'm sure the like the e-recycling, you're e-recycling them when you're done with the microwave?

SPEAKER_03

E-recycling them. Yeah, like electronic recycling. Oh, right. Right. Um, I thought that was like email for recycling. That would be way cooler. I usually just send it into the cloud. Yeah. Yeah. Uh what I do with them is I usually try and sell them.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, okay. Does anybody buy them? Or I got a guy. You got oh, okay. It's the printing press guy. Oh, okay. Are we paying him though to print our issues right now? Yeah, that's a separate thing. That's a separate thing. So wait, we're paying him, but then he pays us for the microwaves. Right. Okay, this seems pretty good. I think we're breaking even here. Right?

SPEAKER_03

That printing press costs a lot of money. I didn't know. Unless we've established otherwise, which I think we may have.

SPEAKER_02

I think that we did. I don't remember.

SPEAKER_03

Um It felt like it cost a lot.

SPEAKER_02

We did talk about this. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Compared to, I mean, he gives me like a penny per microwave. He's like, I can't. Because every time he thinks it's gonna work, he thinks it's a working microwave. And I don't know why, because I put all I put in the description is good microwave.

SPEAKER_02

But not if it is functioning or not functioning.

SPEAKER_03

Uh-uh. Good microwave. And he started to send me like inquiries about them now when he sees the listing. Oh, that's not good. And he'll say, Does this work? All caps. And I say, It's good. What is your response to that? He says, if this doesn't work, I'm going to kill you and your family.

SPEAKER_02

Well, doesn't he doesn't he live here too? Because the printing press is in the back room, which we've established.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Right? And that's back over there.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

So would you say that he lives here or no?

SPEAKER_03

Why would he live here? Well, he's working there. Printing press.

SPEAKER_02

I mean He's not the printing press. No, I know, but he's he's here like printing a lot of stuff, isn't he? I run it. He sold me the machine. Oh, I thought he came in and was printing it himself. No, no, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_03

For sales. For sales. Right. We have a supplier of printing presses.

SPEAKER_02

So I was unclear on this whole business relationship, so I'm glad that we cleared that up here.

SPEAKER_03

We've cleared up some lore. Some WPCC lore.

SPEAKER_02

Yes.

SPEAKER_03

WPCC. Um.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

And uh yeah, that's good. Yeah. What? So okay, yeah, I like this. Where does Pedro Pascal fit into all of this again? Oh, his initials are PP. Oh, sure. Yeah. Sure. He was the PP guy.

SPEAKER_03

Right.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Does that yeah, that clears it up? That clears up pretty well.

SPEAKER_02

Cool. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Um is it like you took a Claritin in those commercials where they peel off the blurry filter?

SPEAKER_02

You know what? I wish we could do that in real life, right?

SPEAKER_03

That would be so cool.

SPEAKER_02

Wouldn't that be cool? That would be cool. No, it would be. I remember seeing those commercials like back in the day, you know, when I was like a little guy. And I was like, this is nice because it was blurry, but now it's clear. Right.

SPEAKER_03

I used to try to time it on which shot it was gonna be. Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_02

Like like guests, like, oh, this is gonna be the one that's yeah, where they take off the filter.

SPEAKER_03

This looks blurry, they're gonna take off the filter.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

I wonder if that stuff really works. You ever try it?

SPEAKER_03

I don't think so. Maybe. More of a Zertec guy.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, Zertec, okay. Fuck Clarity. You just seem like a Zertec kind of guy. Is that for allergies or which I don't ha really sometimes I do, but not much.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

You got allergies? Nah, not not too much, thankfully. You're allergic to ass, it sounds like. Well, I'm not allergic to it, but I just don't like the smell. You never sneeze? Do I uh upon walking outside and smelling ass? No, no, no, I haven't done that before.

SPEAKER_02

Alright. Here's the thing about that whole situation, I want to just kind of circle back to you really quick. Yeah. The ass is coming from my armpits. So I'm just super confused because I've been, you know, as we already established, I already, you know, I've been you know putting it on my ass, you know, because that's where it smells coming from. But it's like an armpit, so I I just can't get myself to put it under my armpits, though. I think that seems to be the problem. Why? That's where you're supposed to put it. Well, dude, the one that I bought on the back, it doesn't say to do that. It's what does it say to do? Put it on your ass cheeks.

SPEAKER_03

On the cheeks? Not where I would have thought it says it would say. I'm sorry. If you were gonna put deodorant on your ass, I would think it's going in the crack.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, no, it it seems that way, but that's for toilet paper. Okay, so I yeah, it's pretty cool, dude. I I don't know. I mean it it seem I it seemed cool when I bought it, so but obviously it's kind of letting me down. Yeah. But you seem disappointed in it.

SPEAKER_03

I am now, but but you've never like, you know, you walk outside on a hot day and you just smell like do you ever just smell I I think I already asked you this, but usually if I'm walking outside and I smell ass, it's because I've fallen and landed in someone's ass. Nose first. Which has happened several times more than it should happen.

SPEAKER_02

Wow. Uh that seems like a bad luck streak you have there. Yeah. That seems kind of messed up.

SPEAKER_03

It's alright. Well, here's the thing. I think we're running out of time. We're running out of time? Okay. But should we close up the thread from last issue about the cops? Oh, that were outside. Do you remember what happened when they came to the door? Do you want to Oh, like, yeah, because they were knocking on the door. Right.

SPEAKER_02

And they I'm trying to remember now. I think they said, Hey, are are you the guys that threw something out under the the road here that created this big disturbance? Right. And Lightning McQueen was there.

SPEAKER_03

Lightning McQueen. I think Chick Hicks was there too.

SPEAKER_02

Chick Hicks.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. I don't remember who is that. I think he's the bad guy. Oh, is he? I think. Okay. I don't really know.

unknown

I don't remember.

SPEAKER_02

It's been a while. Oh, same dude. Yeah. But yeah, they was talking all like, you know, the gruff voice. Yeah, he was mad. He was mad. And but then there was like this bomb that dropped from the sky onto the same car wreck.

SPEAKER_03

Unrelated, but our mics did pick it up.

SPEAKER_02

Right. So then the other cop behind him said, get out of the way. And he started shooting at you and I. Oh, I remember. Don't you remember that? I remember that. Yes. And so then I I just I ran. Yeah. How did we get rid of them again? So what we did was like you, okay, so they were like shooting, you know, and you I remember you like crouched down, okay? You were like kind of crouched.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

And then um they both were I think they were shooting at me at that point. They couldn't see you. So I like ran around and I pushed them over you and you tripped them both.

SPEAKER_03

Okay.

SPEAKER_02

And they just fell and their guns like just kind of flew across the room. And then you and I just ran out of the apartment. Did you push them? You just pushed them down inside? Yeah, it was in the apartment. It was in your kitchen.

SPEAKER_03

It was right over there. Oh, okay. And then they probably came out after us and then we doubled back. Because we're here now.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, no, I I I can't remember. Do you remember what what happened when we when we got outside?

SPEAKER_03

I remember getting outside and seeing the wreckage and just thinking, that's way more cars than I ever would have thought. It was like all I could see. It was a sea of cars. Like a thousand we're talking about? A thousand at least. That's dude, we there were as many cars out there as there are ants per person. So 2.5 million, probably.

SPEAKER_02

Whoa, dude, we're gonna get in a lot of trouble for that.

SPEAKER_03

Well, I think some of it, some of it's on the bomb. Right. Okay. And that we don't did you figure out where that came from? I have no idea. I have no knowledge on the bomb. No knowledge, okay. It sounded to me uh big. Oh, yeah, it's really big. That's really all I could tell. But so, anyways, I got out there, I saw the cars, I took one look, I said, We're not gonna get anywhere out here. It's jammed right ass to mouth with cars out here. Human centipede style.

SPEAKER_02

But car style, right?

SPEAKER_03

But cars. Lightning McQueen and Chick Hicks. I don't even want to talk about what I saw.

SPEAKER_02

Oh man.

SPEAKER_03

So I turned around, came back up, and the cops were like still, I think they like passed out. Sure. They were still on the floor.

SPEAKER_02

Yep.

SPEAKER_03

So I opened up a window and I just kind of picked them up. Oh. And dropped them. You dropped them? This is like a two-story house that we're in. What's the story? Like ten feet? Ten feet? Uh probably. Yeah. They're gonna be fine. Oh no. They shot at us.

SPEAKER_02

They did shoot at us. I know they're. Without reason. Well, they kind of had a reason. To shoot at us? I think so. But I get it, you know, you gotta pick them up. Did did you just pick them both up by yourself, too? I mean I think I was watching.

SPEAKER_03

I think uh you didn't help. No, I was no help from you. You were like, there's a spider on your wall.

SPEAKER_02

There was another spider that that day. Um yeah, but yeah, it was pretty wild, man. That was it was pretty crazy. And then I think the cops just like ran away. As soon as I hit the ground, they started running. I remember that. Do you remember? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Now that you say it, I dropped them on their legs. There was no like there was no recovery time or anything. I just dropped them and they took off. And actually, things are like pretty clear out there now. So I think they probably just maybe they had amnesia and they started they just saw a big pile up and they were like, we gotta do something about this. Oh, well, you hit him with the neuralizer from Men in Black. Oh, right. That's what happened. They forgot everything. Right.

SPEAKER_02

Well, I did do that. I did have that in my pocket.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

But I think when they they started running, they went they got to the scene, which is pretty close. Pretty close. They started shooting at us again. Just to finish the clips. And they threw their guns on the ground. We're out of bullets. And then they went back and they were like, Yeah. Like trying to like like what I imagine like Minecraft is like, but like fast. Right. And then one last thing, you know, that I'm remembering, Toe Mater like stuck his head out.

SPEAKER_03

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_02

He said, I'm alive. Do you remember?

SPEAKER_03

Do you remember because he died in the movies?

SPEAKER_02

No, I don't think that he did. Oh. Just in the wreckage. We thought he died.

SPEAKER_03

Oh, I see.

SPEAKER_02

But he he like he like stuck his head out, right? He like clawed his way back.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

And um if I'm not mistaken, I think another small bomb just kind of dropped. Jeez, and he was gone. So what a crazy tale.

SPEAKER_03

But now we have closure on where it went and how it ended. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I feel a little better about wrapping that up.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. Me too.

SPEAKER_02

It seems kind of almost like a it seems kind of unbelievable in a way. Like almost like that. There's no way that could happen. But you know, it's up for the listener to decide.

SPEAKER_03

What do you say? We wrap it up and we throw it out the window.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, I don't think we should do that. I don't think so. We can sell it down right now. Yeah, you're right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Put it over here. I think we maybe we learn from that one. Yeah. Alright. Well, this was an experiment. This we did.

SPEAKER_02

I th I think it went fairly well. I think so too. Yeah, I think fairly well. Give us some feedback.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Academic only.

SPEAKER_03

Right. Um and be nice only.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, just be really nice.

SPEAKER_03

And just say good things.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

That's all we ask. Yeah. That's it. All right, everybody. We'll be back next week with comics.

SPEAKER_04

Woohoo!

SPEAKER_03

Thanks for listening, everybody. Bye bye. Bye.