The Life You Want Isn’t Going to Knock on Your Door

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Creating the life you want sounds wonderful in theory. In reality, it often means facing uncertainty, challenging old beliefs, and stepping beyond what’s familiar.

In this episode, I’m exploring why so many of us remain stuck even when we know something needs to change. We’ll talk about the fears that keep us playing small, the stories we tell ourselves about why now isn’t the right time, and why waiting until you feel completely ready might be the very thing holding you back.

This isn’t an episode about manifesting your dream life overnight or pretending everything will magically fall into place. It’s a grounded conversation about courage, self-trust, and the small decisions that can reshape the direction of your life.

If you’ve been feeling stuck, restless, or aware that there’s something more waiting for you, this episode is for you.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello, and welcome to the Psychic Whispers Podcast. Hello, beautiful souls, and welcome back to Psychic Whispers. I'm Messina Sanders Gittens, psychic medium, spiritual coach, professional perspective shifter, and apparently someone who spends a surprising amount of time talking people off of metaphorical ledges. And honestly, that's what we're doing today. Because I want to talk to you about creating the life you want. Now, before anyone panics, this is not going to be one of those episodes where I tell you to make a vision board, write a check to the universe, stand under a full moon, and chant affirmations while holding 17 crystals and a Himalayan salt lamp. If that's your thing, absolutely no judgment. But that's really not where I'm going today. You know, after 30 years of reading for people, one thing has become incredibly clear to me. Most people already know far more than they think they do. They know what isn't working, they know what's making them unhappy. They already know what they wish was different. The problem is not that they don't know. The problem is that creating the life you want is often really uncomfortable. And as human beings, we have a fascinating habit of saying that we want change while simultaneously doing everything in our power to avoid it. 100% myself included, by the way, I am not immune to this human problem. Just so you know, I'm not sitting on a mountain dispensing wisdom. I am sat right alongside you as a fellow human being who has also made glorious amounts of attempts to avoid the uncomfortable in my life. So we've all been there. So let's start with a simple question. If I sat opposite you right now and asked, what do you want your life to look like? Could you answer? Not what you think it should look like, not what your family wants, or what society expects, or what looks good on social media. Not even what sounds sensible. What do you actually want? Truthfully, I think that's harder than most people realize to answer. If you ask someone what they don't want, they'll answer immediately, straight off the bat. I don't want this job, or I don't want this relationship. I don't want to feel exhausted all the time. Uh, I don't want to keep struggling financially. I don't want to keep attracting the same type of people, and I definitely don't want to feel stuck. Easy. But ask what they do want. Silence. You know what I think? I think part of the reason is because once you admit what you truly want, things get real. Then there's a possibility that you might have to do something about it. And that's where the fear lives. Once we start saying things out loud, once we start admitting it, it's a truth. And then we can't unknow it. And there's a little bit of insecurity that starts to creep in that prevents us from really answering this question. I'm about to get controversial on you, okay? But I've noticed in my years of working with people, I think there's a big misconception that people have is that they stay where they are because they're happy. I don't think that's actually true. I think a lot of people stay where they are because it's familiar. And familiarity is powerful. Our brains, oh, they love familiar. Even when familiar is annoying or frustrating or making us miserable, because at least familiar is predictable. We've all heard the saying, the better the devil you know. And unfortunately, I think a lot of people build their entire lives around that sentence. Relationships, jobs, friendships, habits, dreams they've, you know, somewhat buried. Because while the current situation may not be making them happy, they understand it. And uncertainty feels much scarier. And that's where the trouble starts. Because the fact is, the life that you want, well, it often lives inside uncertainty, which is, I understand, deeply inconvenient. Um, I wish I could tell you otherwise, but it's it's true. Just think about every meaningful thing you've ever done. Falling in love, maybe starting a business, moving house, having children, changing careers, putting yourself out there. None of it, absolutely none of it, came with guarantees. None of it arrived equally with a detailed instruction manual. I wish. Don't we wish? There's been a few times I could have used one of those. Yes, even as a sidekick. And never ever was there a giant neon sign that says, Congratulations, this decision is 100% correct. Proceed immediately. Wouldn't that be nice? I would love that. I would absolutely appreciate that service from the universe. Let's put in a request for that. Yet somehow, you know, it never seems to happen that way. And here's what I've noticed through the thousands upon thousands of readings, people they often think that they're afraid of failure. But I don't, I don't see that. I don't think failure is always the real fear. Sometimes, and here's the kicker, we're afraid of success. I know that sounds weird. I I feel you, but I want you to think about it. You know, what if what I'm doing works? What if you start the business and people actually notice? What if you launch the podcast and people listen? What happens if you write the book? What if you leave the relationship and build a happier life? What if you're actually capable of more than you've allowed yourself to believe? Because you know what? Then things change. Expectations change, your identity changes, and that can feel terrifying. I'm not gonna lie. Change is like the hardest thing to really embrace. And I don't know, we put it off for a lot of reasons. You know, another fear that shows up all the time is judgment. People worry about what others will think. And look, I understand that nobody enjoys criticism or being misunderstood. But can I offer just a little perspective? People are going to have opinions regardless of whatever you do. Like the people in your life already have an opinion. Okay, just let's really delve into this. You can stay exactly where you are, and someone's going to have an opinion. You can completely change your life and someone is going to have an opinion. You could start something or stop something or wear something, say something, do something, or not do something. And there's always going to be someone with an opinion. So at some point, we have to decide whether we're building our lives around our own values or someone else's comfort. You know, it was very early on in my career that I had to make some conscious decisions about how much weight I put on other people's opinions. I mean, I'm a psychic medium. You want to talk about judgment? I could tell you all day. Like I still, still, people have judgment and what I do. And I had to ask myself, you know, I started this very early in my life, this work. And I had to ask myself, how much do I have to care about that? And it was a really scary thing, especially being a young woman, going into the world and doing this work and titling myself a psychic medium. This is what I do for my living, because people inevitably will ask you, what do you what do you do for a living? And I just had to openly say, psychic medium. I had to make a decision. Do I talk about it? Do I hide it? Do I pretend? Then I had to think, well, why do I care? And that not in a horrible way. I don't want to sound in a horrible way, but why did I care? I had to really stop for a second. I was young, impressionable. And there was a moment when I had to go, I kind of don't care what people say or do or feel. Because the point and the fact was that I believed in the work that I did. And I believed that when someone sat with me and they genuinely walked away feeling lighter or emotionally healed, or they've had a moment just to talk about themselves, which was so powerful for them. I knew I was doing something good from my perspective. I knew that this work was important from my perspective. And that's all that mattered. But that was hard. It was hard to be in a social situation when I was not delving into the work and watching the judgment and seeing people cast their looks or their sneaky whispers on what I did. And then I just turned it into fuel. I thought, well, I know very quickly who aligns with me and who doesn't. And it was a kind of a nice thing in the end, just to see if people just kind of skirted away or they had something to say, then fine. And, you know, I got over it. I had to. There was no other choice if I was going to do this and create this work in the way that I have. Now let's talk about one of the sneakiest things about fear. You know what it does? It disguises itself as logic. You know, fear doesn't really arrive and say, hi, I'm fear. No, it's much cleverer than that. It kind of has this message of and this dialogue that sounds like, you know, you're too old. You're gonna need more qualifications, you need more experience, you need more confidence, more money, more time, more certainty, more guarantees. You have to wait until everything is perfect. And it suddenly sounds sensible, reasonable even. And the trouble is perfection is a moving target. If you wait until you're completely ready, you're gonna be waiting forever. Confidence doesn't usually come before action. Confidence comes because of action. That's an important distinction I want you to make. Because you're not going to find the confidence to do something that feels new for you or feels uncharted territory, you're gonna need to go adventure through that and discover all the things that you learn along the way that build the confidence. And if there's one thing I've learned from both my life and my work, is that clarity often follows movement, not the other way around. I think we believe we need clarity before we begin. But again, as you venture into those uncharted territories, we gain clarity because we begin. We learn by doing, we discover by moving, and we grow through experience, not by endless thinking. You know, trust me, overthinking has never once solved my life. Not at all. It just made me tired, if I'm really honest. And this is where people just find themselves at times getting stuck. They're waiting for certainty. They want permission. They're they want a sign. And signs can be absolutely wonderful, but sometimes that sign isn't outside of you. Sometimes the fact is the sign is that you keep thinking about it, that you keep returning to it, that you can't quite let it go, that it's kind of pestering you in the back of your mind. And the fact that despite all the reasons that you found not to do it, it's still there. It just keeps knocking on the door again and again. And if something is nagging you, like this podcast nagged me, this took me a while to get off the ground, this podcast. I was talking about it for about two years, which sounds ridiculous because I'm not someone to put things off. I'm not shy. I did not worry about putting my voice out there. I was just, you know, for me, the fear was the time. And the fear was I just want to be able to know that I can give this 100% my commitment. And it was the commitment to the podcast that actually worried me, not the rest of it. I don't have a problem, you know, mapping it out and thinking about it. And oh gosh, I've never run out of things to say. Oh, as my family. But for me, the commitment and being able to like intrude on my family's time because I'm already a busy woman. We already are doing a million things. My wife and I also run a tattoo studio. And as well as I do this work, I mean, I literally work all day. And, but I felt like, oh, you know, what if I do this? And the commitment to that is too much. I didn't want, I didn't want to fail in that. But this podcast would not leave me alone. I kept coming back over and over and over. And I thought, I have to do this. It's just not going away. And it pestered me until I just did it. And now it's just like a lovely, gorgeous space. I love this space. I'm so excited to every week to come here and record and share. And I definitely knew this was right for me. And it's been a great move. But I listened. And I think that's the thing that we have to keep thinking about. If something is still there, even after years, months, weeks, listen. It's the sign you need is within you. And the truth is, you know, creating the life you want just doesn't happen always through one giant leap. It's usually built with tiny decisions. It comes through one choice at a time, one conversation, a boundary, one application, one opportunity, one brave moment, or maybe one uncomfortable choice, you know, one day at a time. And I know that is less glamorous than people would like, but it's also far more achievable. So if you're listening to this today and you're feeling stuck, I want you to ask yourself something. What have I been waiting for? Not what do I want, but what have I been waiting for? Are you waiting for permission or confidence or certainty? Approval or just the perfect moment. Because perhaps the thing that's standing between you and the life you want isn't a lack of ability, it's the belief that you need to feel ready first. And maybe, you know, just putting it out there, just maybe you don't. I've spent 30 years watching people transform their lives. And the people who eventually get there, they're not always fearless ones. They're not these people who have had everything figured out. In fact, most of them didn't have a clue when they started step one. They're not the people who knew exactly how things would unfold. I mean, often that's why they're coming to me, to be honest. But they are the people who took that next step anyway. The ones that moved while they were still scared. And the ones who just trusted themselves enough to begin. If you've ever had a session with me, then you might have been on the receiving end of self-trust conversation. Because one of the things that I feel is such a key to this life is self-trust. Being able to just say, I know I'm going to venture out there. And it looks like it could be really stormy weather, or it looks like it could be, you know, an unachievable mission. But I trust myself that I know that I'm going to get myself in and out of any situation, that I can take care of myself in such a way, emotionally, spiritually, physically, I'll be okay. And self-trust is to me the key to life. It allows us to just take bigger leaps of faith or risks in such a manner that allows us to actually enjoy what life has to offer. If you're lacking self-trust, it's going to take a lot of guiding and a lot of momentum to get going. And when we know we do trust ourselves, but we're holding back with the other fears I've discussed today, like other people's opinions, then we just, we know we can do it. We're just sitting there waiting until, I don't know, all eyes are off of us, or we're preserving some kind of, you know, relationship in our life because of one or multiple people. I think it's really hard to live like that, actually. And I actually find that living under the guise of familiarity or living in a way that is making other people comfortable, that's actually harder for me because I see people on the other side of moving to the life that they want and creating their pathway and watching how happy, elated, more aligned they are, and what kind of life they're like. I wish I'd have done this 10 years earlier. I wish I had, you know, just been able to do this at the beginning of my life. And you just see them elated because they've done something that they really wanted. So here's what I like to leave with you today. The life you want, it probably isn't going to knock on your door. It's not going to arrive gift wrapped with perfect timing and complete certainty, but it is waiting for you. Often on the other side of a decision that you've been avoiding, or a conversation that you've been postponing, or some boundary that you've been really afraid to set, or a version of yourself you've been hesitant to become. You don't need to know the next five years. You don't even need to know the entire path. You just need to know the next step. And if you already know what the next step is, perhaps this episode is your reminder to stop waiting. What if this episode was your sign today? This could have been all meant to be so that you could consider this and think, I'm gonna do it. And if you want a guarantee in this life, I'll give you one. The time passes. It's going to pass whether you take the next step or you don't. And it's just up to us to say, do I want time to pass not doing what I love, what I want, what I feel, becoming the person that I am, or do we just let it keep rolling? It's up to us. Thank you so much for spending time with me today. And if you've enjoyed this episode, please remember to follow the podcast. Maybe even share some feedback. You can do that in clicking send us fan mail in the notes, and maybe even share it with somebody who might need to hear it too. You can also join me over on Patreon on Psychic Whispers for some deeper insights, or you can visit my website for readings, guidance, and resources. Just hit it up the show notes. It's all there. Now, until next time, trust your path, honor your truth, and always keep listening.