Supporting Children with Special Needs at Home, Church, and Beyond (with Jocyline Graham)

How can families, churches, and communities better support children with special needs? And what can we learn from them?

In this episode, I’m joined by speech-language pathologist Jocyline Graham to discuss practical ways we can encourage, include, and support children with special needs at home, in the church, and throughout our communities.

We discuss:

•  Why children with special needs matter and reflect the image of God 
•  What children with special needs can teach us about faith, relationships, and community 
•  How parents can support growth and development at home 
•  Ways churches can become more welcoming and inclusive 
•  Practical encouragement for families, ministry leaders, and caregivers 

We also discuss insights from Sandra Peoples' book Accessible Church and how churches can create environments where children with special needs and their families are welcomed, valued, and able to participate fully in the life of the church.

Every child bears the image of God and has unique gifts to offer. This conversation provides practical encouragement for parents, church leaders, and anyone seeking to better support children with special needs while learning from the strengths and perspectives they bring.

📚 Referenced in this episode:
Accessible Church by Sandra Peoples

👍 If this episode was helpful, consider subscribing for more conversations on discipling kids with biblical clarity and practical wisdom.

Transcript

0:06

Welcome to Discipling Kids Podcast, where practical parenting meets practiced theology for families and ministries, discipling kids for Christ. I'm your host, Pastor John Scheller. I am thrilled to have with me Jocelyn Graham, who's going to be speaking to us and helping us understand how we can best support and minister to our children who are neurodivergent. That can include ADHD, autism, having speech delays. So how we can be ministering them well in the Sunday school setting, at home, and in our community. Jocelyn, welcome to the show. I'm glad to be here. So, Jocelyn, you are a speech language pathologist with over 15 years of experience, and you specialize in early intervention for toddlers and preschoolers with developmental language delays in autism. Can you give me more specific examples of what's what's considered under the umbrella of neurodiversity? Would that include autism and ADHD? Yes. Autism and ADHD are the most commonly known diagnoses that fall under the neurodiversity umbrella. But other um diagnoses or terms such as dyslexia, Down syndrome, sensory processing disorder, intellectual disabilities, and mental health diagnoses also fall under this umbrella. So, Jocelyn, I'd love to hear from you. Why does it matter that we minister well to children in general with special needs? Because they matter to God. I was listening to your earlier podcast on why children matter, and um those three points that you hit that they're made in the image of God, that because they're made in the image of God, they too deserve to hear the gospel. And because Jesus did not make a distinction when he said in Matthew 19, 14, to let the children come to him. Our Savior did not shy away from those who society deemed as different or unworthy, and he truly is a savior for all. What can children with special needs, including those who are neurodivergent, teach us about God and the body of Christ? We know that God does not make any mistakes, um, that we are purposed to be who we are, ultimately for his glory. Our children with special needs remind us of that. We know in 1 Corinthians 12 the word talks about one body and many members, and our children with special needs are just part of the diverse group of people unified in Christ, regardless of ability level. And how do children with special needs, how do they remind us of God's grace? Well, we know because of sin we all have limitations and struggles that only Jesus can free us from. And knowing that God's grace is sufficient when dealing with trials and tribulations that come with living in a fallen world, our children can can be that uh reminder. When I was a child, I would have been described as having a learning disability. Um so I so these are help us understand the the history of the nomenclature and how children have been viewed or considered today as being neurodivergent. Yes. So in the past, medical terminology to describe neurodivergent individuals or those with disabilities brought with it stigma and often was dehumanizing, as if people with disabilities were less than or inconveniences in broader society because of their own volition. In the past 50 years, especially with the passing of the Americans with Disabilities Act, there's been a consistent push to bring awareness to the humanity of persons with disabilities and to change these often stigmatizing labels and descriptions that focus on the impairment instead of the person. Um, to change and show that it is just another way of being is the reason why we have these new terms. Um you know better, you do better. Yeah, so describing children such as just being disobedient or difficult or a problem child, um is that how they would have been viewed? Yes, and um still do. When it comes to our children, yes, in our society, oftentimes neurodivergent children with a diagnosis or not are often treated more harshly than we as adults treat ourselves or other adults. For example, when a child has a hard time sitting still in a church service or unable to share during free play, during Sunday school, um these behaviors are often met with scolding or certain looks. Um, it's important to understand the developmental age of a child, not just their chronological age. In other words, the age a neurodivergent child is, based on their birthday, may be different from the age they are displaying through their behaviors. We need to be mindful of that and support them where they are. So it sounds like as caregivers, as educators or pastors, teachers, some flexibility. Absolutely. Well, thank you. That's really helpful. How is life different for children who are neurodivergent compared to children who are not, as well as their families? Yeah, so for children, um specifically uh those with autism, um, it's important to note that autistic children have the same desires to engage in social experiences like play and making friends as neurotypical children. The way in which this occurs is specific to that child and is displayed differently. But life brings challenges that may seem invisible to those who don't have that first or secondhand experience. If communication is difficult, a child's ability to share their wants or needs and ideas with those around them is often missed due to behavioral issues, be because they can't. The desire to socialize and play with others is still there, but because of brain differences, attempts may not look typical. When it comes to families, since I work specifically with autistic children and their families, it really depends on the child. Um, it truly is a spectrum, a wide range of how life can be. A common theme for parents and caregivers is there is an adjustment to knowing that your child is different and that they will need extra support to navigate the world because of their differences. Learning your child as you teach them the skills they need to live is like building a plane while flying it. Is where community, especially a faith community, is so important to have because it can extreme it can be extremely hard and lonely. You see one autistic child, you've seen one autistic child. Absolutely, yes. So always being flexible and and shifting and doing what we can to accommodate the specific needs of a specific child and family. Yes, yes, you got it, John. So how can families and teachers begin to identify early on signs that a child may have some special needs rather than being willfully disobedient? Yeah, great question. Um I'll start off with just Sunday school volunteers and teachers. Um, when you see a child who seems to struggle with following directions, um, attending to class activities or have challenging behaviors, before you react, pause, ask yourself, what else can be true about this child? Is it an unmet need? Are they tired? Are they hungry? Overwhelmed? Or is it a missing skill? Do they struggle with regulation, regulating their emotions or focusing? Um, then I suggest that you seek support from others in your faith community, including their parents, to come up with solutions that help the child access the activities and events of the class. Yeah, a term we've used before on this on this podcast is connect before you correct. Yes. And I'm just thinking from even this past Sunday, like, why is this child not coming to the circle for story time? You know, is there is there something else going on here rather than me just getting frustrated? Um very good. And like you're saying, and then you know, yeah, there's opportunity to reach out to other teachers. Okay, hey, have you had experience with this student before? Reaching out to parents to ask, what has worked well with your child? Can you give me some some pointers? Like, are there certain terms or phrases I can use to help engage them? Yes. Um, what about for for parents and caregivers? Well, you're touching right on it. You know, ask them, they know their child the best, so they'll know some of those terms or or activities that the child responds well to. Um but for for parents specifically, if something just does not seem right, if you notice they are different in their development from older siblings or children their age, um, speak to your pediatrician uh with your concerns and get second opinions if you feel you are not being heard. Um, all 50 states have an early intervention program for children ages birth to three years old. And in uh the state of Ohio here, it is called Help Me Grow. So use your favorite search engine to get the number of your state early intervention program. And if your child is three years or older, your local school district is a resource to get support for your child. You can search the website for the special education department for your local school district as a starting point. How can families help children with special needs like autism or ADHD thrive at home? Yeah, so I am a bullet points person, um, maybe because I attend a church where the pastors do bullet points. Give me your three points, please. Uh the first one is to love them for who God made them to be. Um just because your child was born differently with a physical or invisible disability, they still have their own personalities and characteristics that are God purposed. Um the second thing I would say is find support. You can't pour from an empty cup. Uh, there are so many social services and organizations that support families with respite care camps and parent support groups. And a good thing about today's technology is that it is easier to find a community of people who know what you're going through as a parent or caregiver with a special needs child. The last point I have is for those families who do not have special needs children, talk to your children. Help them build empathy, help them understand that it's okay to have questions and it's okay to make friends with those different from them. Find books at your local library that display children of all abilities, find dolls or toys that allow that to be displayed as well. Well, how about for Sunday school or in the classrooms? How can we as caregivers and teachers, pastors, help children with special needs thrive in a classroom structure? There's a statistic that states that 80% of those with disabilities do not attend church. The barriers of having to explain why their child behaves a certain way, discovering a new place with new sounds and smells and faces, the anxiety of wondering if the volunteers are equipped to support a child with life-threatening allergies or physical limitations, uh, that can be daunting to parents and caregivers. It's just much easier to stay home. But isolation is not how the gospel thrives. Um, we need community. So I think first make an effort to welcome those who are already there because they are doing the hardest work to show up on a Sunday morning. And supporting them not only making and supporting them not only makes them feel seen, but further demonstrates the love God has called us to share with our sisters and brothers. Also train your volunteers and staff and do this regularly and include the voices of the parents, caregivers, and the planning and implementation of certain activities that the church has for the children's ministry. This promotes inclusivity, which is what Jesus showed us and how he encountered those considered on the margins in his time. Training can start with the specific needs within your ministry. If there are several children with food allergies, train on how to use an EpiPen. If there are some children who have physical limitations in movement, learn how to incorporate music in a way that they can participate. Create a sensory bin for children who enjoy tactile play. Lastly, realize that small steps are significant steps. How can we be preparing other children to be accepting of children with special needs? What's some of the language we can be using? Um and let's just take like a sensory bin, for instance. Other kids see that sensory bin, they're like, I want to play with that. How do we how can we approach that as teachers and pastors? Let them play with it. The other kids as well? Yes. Really? So don't be like, hey, no, this is like their bin specifically. No, no. When you allow those children um to access that sensory bin, you're allowing for opportunities to model language, to teach them how to engage with children that are different from them. I need to get more sensory toys. I mean, as an adult, I like them too. They are fun. I'm not sitting here with my little fidget spinner, but they are a lot of fun. So what introductory and practical resources would you suggest to children's pastors like myself, teachers, and families for learning more about how they can support children and families in this area? Yes. So I love to read. And um a book that I'm currently reading called Accessible Church, written by Sandra Peoples. She is an author that's written some other books, and um she has a personal experience of um having uh someone in her family with disabilities and also having a child with autism. So uh starting there, reading books. Um So how can ministries help prepare volunteers if they know there's a child in their class who is neurodivergent or has some specific special needs to be addressed? Aaron Ross Powell Make that classroom and the activities accessible. So having visual schedules of what's going to happen first, next and last. Um simple things like making sure there are different activities that support all needs. Um there's this term called universal design used if you think about architecture. Um what I like to think of is when we think of a sidewalk, um, especially the little divot in the sidewalk for when you're about to cross the street, that is used not just by those who are using wheelchairs, but kids on bikes, people who have strollers. Um it's specifically made for a certain type of group of people, but it's accessible to all. And that's the mindset that I encourage those in ministry leadership to take when thinking about the curriculum and thinking about what activities when you provide something as simple as a sensory bin, as we discussed earlier, yes, it's for a specific child who truly needs that to support them and keep them engaged. However, it can also usher in the ability for other children to connect with that child and allow volunteers to connect with that child. When you really think about the point of the gospel to reach to the ends of the earth, we have to be creative um oftentimes and and figuring out what that looks like and we can seek the Holy Spirit for that um, especially with our children with special needs. Um in that book there's a story um where the author Sandra talks about how that is um a concern. There's you don't have enough volunteers, you don't have the budget, you don't have the time. Um but she talks about the friends um of a person with a disability who wanted to meet Jesus and they uh couldn't get to Jesus. It was they couldn't even open the door, it was so crowded. So they got to him by going through the roof and that was out-of-the-box thinking. And in that moment he was able to meet Jesus because of the help of his friends. We have to think outside of the box sometimes. We need to think beyond the front door. Yes, I like that. We need to think how are we coming through the roof, how are we coming through the walls, what are our different angles and approaches in getting our our children with special needs or disabilities to Jesus? How are how are we carrying the mat, so to speak, for our children? Yes, I love that. And again, as I mentioned, um start with the families that are within your community and listen to their voices. Um that's where it starts. And then let the Holy Spirit do the rest. Praise the Lord. Well, Jocelyn, thank you so much for joining us. Thank you for having me. Of course. Thank you for listening to Discipling Kids Podcast. If you enjoyed today's episode, please subscribe so you can receive the latest updates about new episodes and other events.