Episode 9: When Toddler Picky Eating Is About the Parents (Multivitamins & When to Worry)

Your toddler won’t eat meat. They push away vegetables. They live on fruit, crackers, milk, and the occasional bite of something random — and now you’re wondering if they’re getting enough protein, enough iron, enough for their brain development. Maybe your pediatrician mentioned a multivitamin with iron. Maybe you’ve already Googled “iron deficiency in toddlers”.

In this episode, I take you behind one very common question I hear in clinic: “My toddler is picky. Should I give a multivitamin?” But as we unpack it, you’ll see that it’s rarely just about the vitamin. It’s about the anxiety underneath it.

We’ll talk through:

• What normal toddler picky eating actually looks like
• How pediatricians screen for iron deficiency anemia
• Why hemoglobin doesn’t always tell the whole story
• How much protein toddlers really need (and why milk often covers it)
• When a multivitamin with iron makes sense — and when it doesn’t
• Red flags for something more serious like ARFID or sensory feeding challenges
• How pressure at the table quietly makes picky eating worse

Most toddlers between ages 2–7 go through a selective eating phase. It’s developmental. It’s tied to autonomy. And it’s incredibly triggering for parents who care deeply about nutrition. If your child’s growth is steady but you still feel worried, this episode will help you sort through what’s objective… and what might be coming from comparison, social media noise, family comments, or your own history with food.

Because sometimes the real work isn’t changing the child’s plate. It’s calming the parent’s nervous system.

You don’t need urgency. You need context. You need a plan that feels grounded and sustainable. And you deserve more than just a product recommendation.

If feeding your child feels stressful or messy right now, I created a free guide to walk you through the hidden mental barriers that drive mealtime tension and help you reset with confidence. You can download “When Feeding Feels Messy”  here or at newstorynutrition.com.

You don’t have to do this alone. And you definitely don’t have to solve picky eating with just a vitamin.

Questions about multivitamins? Take a listen to Episode 6!

NEW COURSE! "Read the Pattern: Feeding Your Baby 0–4 Months" — because a healthy relationship with food starts earlier than most people think. Course Link!

Transcript

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But when I read this, I don't see a vitamin question really. I see a mom who's overstimulated, exhausted, and tired of being tossed in different directions with what to do for her kids because her bandwidth is just is drained. And yet underneath that, she also has other questions that aren't necessarily at the surface, but are fueling that exhaustion and fueling that concern. And that's what we're gonna get into today. Welcome to the Nutrition for the Early Years podcast with Dr. Liz, your guilt-free guidance for feeding your family. This podcast is for folks who are craving better nutrition for their kids, but are tired of the whiplash of nutrition claims and diet culture influence. You're reading labels, paying attention to ingredients, but you still doubt yourself. And for good reason, food goes deep, and often we fear making costly mistakes that as parents we hope to prevent. If you're ready to explore the ins and outs of your child's actual nutrition needs and nourish the whole child from the inside out, hang with me, Dr. Liz Daniels. I'm a board-certified pediatrician plus registered dietitian, and we're gonna dig deep into real deal nutrition science, honest talk about barriers to health, and real stories that I help address. So let's dig in. You know, I am really enjoying this podcast. It's a lot of fun. I want to talk today about the anxiety that underlies the real questions. So I see amazing, thoughtful parents every day. And when I do, I want you to know that the questions that you guys ask often are so layered and so nuanced. And we don't always get the time to talk about them. So I'm gonna go through a very simple, very common question I get probably 10 or more times a day. And I want to dig into all of the parts of it and really go through what the real questions are that need to be addressed that aren't being asked. So today's episode starts off with a little bit of a story. I happen to be on Facebook and I saw a post from another doctor about her kid. And it like got my attention because these are it was written down, and these are the questions that I get all the time. Here it goes. My 20-month-old has been picky since 15 months. He rarely eats meats or veggies. I'm burned out trying different recipes and getting rejection. His weight is fine, and my mind worries he's not getting enough protein or iron for brain development. Our pediatrician recommended a multivitamin with iron. Does anyone have a safe, good quality recommendation? I want to avoid heavy metals, teeth staining, constipation. Give me your best tips. Okay. So, like at first glance, this is just a product question. And as the thread goes on, lots of people are chiming in with their particular products. Most of the pediatricians around here are scratching our heads saying, hey, um, talk to your pediatrician. And there's much more dialogue that happens beyond there. But this is so true. So, you guys, this is a great example because this is a mama who's a doctor, right? Like this is a mama who has gone through medical school, has gone through a lot of training that, you know, a lot of families don't always get access to, yet still has the same question that everybody else does, which is what do I do about my toddler who's unpredictable in their eating? And how do I get them to get good nutrition? That's really the question that she's asking. But it's veiled in a product question because that is often how we feel, especially when you have tried all of the nutrition stuff that you know how. And and I get it. But when I read this, I don't see a vitamin question really. I see a mom who's overstimulated, exhausted, and tired of being tossed in different directions with what to do for her kid because her bandwidth is just is drained. And yet underneath that, she also has other questions that aren't necessarily at the surface, but are fueling that exhaustion and fueling that concern. And that's what we're gonna get into today. Okay. So if you have been a fan of this podcast, you've probably already heard my podcast number six that is about multivitamins versus picky eaters. And I will link that in the show notes so that you can hit that if you haven't yet. But the question here today, we are gonna talk a little bit about the nitty-gritty of the like this particular scenario and some common ways that I think through it. But I really want to spend the time thinking about what's going on in her mind and how I would, if she were my patient, this is how I would approach it. Okay. Because I think there's so much more here. And I think that this is how we can set our moms up for success, because it's not just a toddler question. These same kind of concerns continue as your kid grows. And these same concerns play out for years to come. So I care about these questions because they really matter for shaping our conversation around food, our bodies, nutrition, health. And as someone who cares very deeply about that, I feel like we can do more to educate and to advocate for our kiddos and for our parents. And I feel like this to me is just another signal that we need more context here. Okay, so what do I mean by this? Let's start out with the objective stuff. If I had this mom in clinic, the first thing I would do is say, okay, let's actually do some math. Because what I have learned in my years of practice, if I have someone that's worried about something, bringing them back to the objective, like the actual true information, always helps. So before we start talking about her hidden barriers or any of that, the most important thing is to actually look at this kid's diet. So I would look at his growth curve. I would look at some data. We typically do a hemoglobin at 12 months or nine months, depending on your risk factors. But we typically are going to do a hemoglobin in the first year of life. And if our hemoglobin in a toddler is 11 or higher, then our screening usually stops there. And we say, great, our iron stores seem like they're probably in a good place. Let's continue broadening our diet and working on things and we kind of move on from the topic. Now, I actually would say I address a lot more iron deficiency anemia than what our screening tool picks up. So stay tuned because we do need to talk more about iron deficiency anemia. It is so important, but that's not for today. Let me just simply say I am looking at this kid's growth and then I ask a history. So I ask about what's in the nutrition. And because I am a trained dietitian, I can have a full script of somebody explaining their foods to me and in, you know, zero time flat, basically have a pretty good picture in my head of what micronutrients they might be missing. But I still plug it in and I still do an analysis if the family is really interested and capable of doing that, because really getting concrete information can be even more precise. And we also know that a lot of times families are not always the one providing the food. Sometimes there's in-home care, sometimes there's daycare, and other people are providing food for the kid that the parent might not be able to account for. So I start with the data. I also think about sleep because sleep, we now know, has a lot of layers to it with kids. And they say now only in that, like we've known for a long time, but there's more and more literature really bringing to the forefront low ferritin levels and its contribution to restless leg syndrome. And I would tell you that in the families that I treat, thinking specifically about iron deficiency and iron deficiency anemia, which are two different things, that in families where there is some iron deficiency and we treat them, their sleep gets better. So full stop, we're gonna have lots of, like I said, lots of conversation about this, but sleep is important. So if I hear red flags either in the diet, in the family history, or in the sleep and behavior of the kid, I do personally recommend deeper screening. Like I'll do venous labs and I'll look into some of the kids' levels because sometimes this isn't always what meets the eye. And sometimes our screening tool of the hemoglobin is really only there to pick up true iron deficiency anemia. And some kids will have subtle iron deficiency symptoms that aren't included in that. I should also say pica is another red flag that I think about that makes me want to think about labs. So if this kid had any of those things, I probably would do metrics to actually look and see, in addition to getting a more detailed history, because that information is important. And if I just go on to comfort the mom, then I'm not really treating the whole family because I do need to address that. Okay. So, like that's the bigger picture. When I'm thinking about the diet, my first question is typically going to be are they drinking milk? And if so, how much? And if you've been listening to this, you've probably heard me say already that two cups of milk checks the box for his protein needs. So, okay, say he's drinking one cup of milk and getting a good solid four to eight ounces of yogurt every day. And then I can say with confidence, we are not protein deficient. So that is great. I move on from that topic and we get into other conversation pieces. Okay. So let's just pretend that in this scenario, this kid is actually doing great with milk. And his diet typically consists of a lot of carbs, crackers, fruit pouches go down pretty well. Those are just really given at convenience, like if they're out and about. But generally they are getting whole fruit and daycare, and they're getting crackers, they get milk, and that kind of tends to be really what they will do well with. Occasionally they'll take a bite of mom's pizza or more of like a snack food, but pretty active and not super interested in any of the green stuff. So if that's where we land, where the kid just doesn't want to eat meat and doesn't want veggies, but we're doing all the other things, I don't recommend a multivitamin. I don't. Again, go back to episode six if you want to hear more about why. I do want to know about vitamin D. I want to know about other micronutrients. And so I'm scanning the kid's diet to see if there's any gaps that we need to do better work in. And what I tend to recommend is that the fastest solution to that is actually not a multivitamin. The fastest solution is getting veggies in the foods that we're already eating. What do I mean by that? Well, if he's eating pouches, then I'm gonna suggest some specific pouches that have fruits and veggies in them. There's a lot of pouches now out on the market that do this to say, for sake of reference, things like Once Upon a Farm and Peter Rabbit and Serenity. Like these are some brands that tend to have a lot of veggies mixed in with their fruits and have a good flavor profile. So I tend to find that kids do pretty well with them. There's other things that you can do though, and it sounds like this mom has been making a lot of the recipes. But when kids are feeling anxious about food or they're nervous, they kind of tend to do better with some of the packaged things simply because it's predictable. And I'm not saying that you shouldn't be a good home cook. I'm just saying from lived experience, if there's predictability there, it tends to reduce the friction. And so if that's one step in the door to getting the kid to eat more veggies, then I have a good library of packaged products that are healthy and fresh and full of beautiful nutrients that I tend to recommend many families, because sometimes you need a solution in between when you're building that palate. And that's okay. Then the next thing I tend to recommend is don't worry. You take care of yourself, you put your oxygen mask on, don't worry about what they refuse at the table. You model it for yourself because in the age about two to seven, most kids are going to be very selective. And once they get out of that age range, then they will really broaden what they tend to eat. And that just takes a long time. So parents get worried in the meantime. How do I sneak veggies into them? Or is it wrong to sneak veggies? And, you know, I don't see a problem with that. I think that it's all pattern building and consistency is the key. What you guys do as parents consistently for yourself is what your kids are probably going to do. Much more is caught than taught. So don't make it a lesson, don't make it a lecture, because that's the fastest way to get them to refuse it. And so, in this scenario, I don't think this kid, just to reiterate, really needs a multivitamin at all. However, this is where that one-on-one conversation comes in. And that's why I don't love making just a product recommendation without knowing the full picture. Okay. So this situation, we're going to pretend that he's doing great with milk. He's doing great with these things, he's doing fine, his growth is good. It's just these behaviors that mom is worried about. And that is where I want to camp out a little bit further. Okay. So, what happened here? It sounds to me like they had a visit and there were important screening questions that, as pediatricians, were supposed to do. And sometimes that actually triggers parents and they get really worried or they feel really ashamed or guilty because somebody said something that made them feel like they weren't doing a very good job or they weren't offering their kid enough. And they get insecure about that. And that's the real issue. It's not really what's going on with the kid because he's displaying totally normal developmental behavior. And that is great. It's how she feels about what he's eating. So, all right, here we go, guys. I actually made something for you because this is a conversation I have a lot. And I just I think sometimes it's better to think about these things when you're not sitting in front of an authority figure in a room where your kid is probably displaying behaviors that stress you out. Meaning, I'm not gonna be able to have a really great heart-to-heart in that well check, although I would love to. But I am made a guide to go through some of these things and it is in the show notes. It is totally free. Feel free to download it and dig into it, journal, think through it, because I promise it will help you if you understand your hidden barriers or your things that you're worried about. So the question that I ask is in this situation, are you worried about your child's nutrition because you're afraid that they're missing something important or comparing them to other kids within your family, even? I get this a lot where families have multiple kids and one kid eats X, Y, and Z and the other kid eats A, B, and C, and they couldn't be more different. And the behaviors concern the parents. The other concern sometimes that brings a lot of urgency or feeling of urgency is, you know, social media or family and loved ones that make comments at gatherings or or things about your kids' behavior or eating. And that feels really hard. And I just think there's a ton of noise. And sometimes these little subtle comments that people make will fester and they brew and they really awaken bigger fears that we have. And sometimes it's because of something that happened to you. Maybe you, as you were growing up, were always told that you were too skinny or that you were too big, or that you, you know, had to look a certain way in order to be on this particular team or to do this particular thing. Maybe you just feel embarrassed that you yourself are a picky eater as a grown-up and you're afraid that your kid is gonna do that. If that is going on, that is the issue. And I'm gonna just go out on a limb here and say that this mom is educated and she knows that healthy nutrition is really important for development. And she mentioned that she was worried about brain development. So she has a little bit of education, but just enough to make her know that something might not be happening right with her kid. However, all of the data actually points to things are going really well. And in some times like this, if I can pinpoint that that's the issue, then just education really brings everything down a notch. And we're like, oh, okay, we're okay. And sometimes it's not. Sometimes it's one of these deeper concerns about our own food patterning or relationship with food, or again, family comments that really are fueling that. And if that's going on, then that is where we can talk deeper. This is what I love to do. If this is you, reach out, let me know. You don't have to think about it alone at two in the morning when you're doom scrolling or when you're, you know, driving in between errands and you just can't get the same thoughts out of your head. Like reach out. Okay. So this is where I help parents shift and think about what really is important. And in this particular scenario, I think that there's some things that we can target and behaviors and figure out what really helps, right? So for some parents, we spend some time talking about the snacking and creating boundaries that are safe to enforce and are not going to be filled with shame or um cause regret for you as a parent. Sometimes it's talking about ways that we can reduce the pressure at the table and make meal time more fun. Sometimes it's just knowing that it takes about 10 to even 20 opportunities of trying something before we know that a kid's gonna like it. And then there's like tactics that we can employ to help make those a little bit easier. I go through those one-on-one with families, depending on what's needed, but really this level of dealing with the heart behind the question is so important. And I find that when we get to that, that is when parents feel really good. And that's when I can make a recommendation specifically of like, okay, well, you know what? This kid really actually would benefit from more omega-3s, and that would help his brain development, but it's not going to be in the multivitamin. So here's how we can get it through hemp seeds, or here's how we can get it through making salmon patties or trying this new product or doing something that's really specific to you because it fits your family. That's how we move forward, and that is what I think parents deserve. We deserve better conversations than just simply, oh, try this one thing. And there's lots of products out there. And that's not wrong, but I just don't think that's the whole conversation. I think we deserve more. So I hope this helped. I want to kind of go through naming some of those specific mental barriers, whether it's if you're feeling the comparison game, if you're feeling fear of something being underlying, or you're dealing with your own emotional relationship with food. It's important to deal that these are protective thoughts that you feel. These are thoughts that need to come to the surface. They need to be examined because those are what are really driving your behavior as a parent in your feeding practices. And those are the things that really can, if we can set them right, help you feel confident navigating through your feeding journey with your kid. So I just want to pause really quick because what I what I didn't address is well, what if there are other concerns? And this is the other thing that tends to linger. And as a clinician, this is also my job to screen through. So I want to talk about briefly when picky eating needs more help. And it's not just picky eating, okay? If a kiddo is having increasingly narrow intake and we are struggling to have all of our food groups, and what I mean is where we used to eat everything and now we're eating narrower and narrower, and and it's associated with fear. Okay. So, like you try to introduce a new food and there's true panic or anxiety, not just a simple avoidance. Okay. If there's fear around it, that's a big red flag. If there is gagging beyond developmental age-appropriate things, so say we were swallowing food well and now we're starting to pocket food or we're having trouble getting it down, or we're choking and coughing with food. If there's a strong sensory avoidance that you think is related to them being neurodivergent, or there's like a developmental concern there, that's really important too. And then, of course, a red flag that we would catch of is growth. But a lot of times you can have those other concerns, the anxiety piece and the sensory issues, well before you get any weight concerns. In fact, I would say that I still have concerns about RFID or developmental concerns when their growth is fine or when it's increasing significantly simply because their intake can get very, very narrow. So if those things are happening, it's worth a much deeper conversation than just a multivitamin. And I think it's important to say that because I have definitely had conversations where I'm hearing a question from a family, but in the back of my mind, I'm thinking, okay, this needs a whole different visit because it's not picky eating. And if you have that in the back of your gut or you're worried about it, speak up, don't be afraid. Um, sometimes it takes multiple conversations to really get to the root of these issues. And it takes a team, sometimes a specialist, to really understand what your kid might need. It's tricky. It's nuanced. And if you're feeling overwhelmed or worried by it, don't just worry. Reach out. Get help. That's what people like me and like other specialists who really love this kind of topic are here for. All right. Most families, though, are not in that category. Most families are in just like this mom, where they have a normal toddler who's developing autonomy and it's paired with parental anxiety and really what needs a deeper conversation actually isn't the kid. It's the grown-up. And it's okay because we can address this and it doesn't have to take a long time. Usually I do a one-on-one with a family and I get a lot of information. And it takes just a couple of visits to figure this out. It doesn't always take a long time. So I think if that's you, again, this is your sign. Reach out, let me know. Or if you know somebody who's struggling with this, share this with them because I want them to sleep easier tonight and make a meal with joy. Feeding your kid is a relationship. Give yourself grace. It's not a performance and there's no urgency right now. You have time, you can think through this, and we can support you guys together. Okay, so I want to wrap up here. And I want you to ask what feels most urgent to you right now with your kid's nutrition. And let's think about the data. And then after that, we look at growth, we look at behaviors and patterns, what's going on in your family. We ask these deeper questions about what's underlying your worries and your concerns. And we align our plan of action in a way that's grounded to those specific concerns to help you. That's what really is important. It's, you know, it's not about just a simple product answer. Sometimes we do need those. There's a time and a place. But I think in this situation, which is like so many moms, she really needed specific direction and guidance, reassurance, and a plan on how to feel good about what she's feeding her kid. So the reason I think these questions are important to ask now, when this kid is a toddler, is because the pattern that I see is that families worry. And if they don't address why they're worried, they tend to get into pressuring, they tend to get into stressful things. And usually parents will feel this way where it tends to polarize the parents at the mealtime, where mom wants to do it a specific way and dad wants to do it another way. And they each have their own worries around it and they're both concerned. And they tend to grow in like that polarization tends to get stronger. And so then there's more stress around the mealtime. And if we can talk together about what those barriers are and really help narrow that down, then we can address these before it becomes a really stressful issue, both for the kid and for you. Because I know you want to help your kid grow up loving veggies, eating healthy and feeling good about what they eat. But I guarantee you it doesn't happen with pressure and stress at the table. It happens with an invitation. And if we can calm ourselves down as parents, know that it's not a very urgent situation, and that we can take our time and practice each meal time with feeling better and feeling grounded, then we can move forward actually setting our kids up for healthy eating. We can then model those behaviors that we want to model without stressing them out. And it really can be easy again. It really can be fun again. You can find me on Instagram at dr. Liz News Story Nutrition, or you can reach out on my website, newsstorynutrition.com, and we can chat just about how to help you.