Unlocking High Performance with the Game of 10

Summary
In this episode, Steve Barton shares his transformative journey from the flower business to high-performance coaching, introducing the 'Game of 10' framework. Discover how awareness, self-love, and forgiveness can elevate leadership and personal growth.




Takeaways
The Game of 10 is about connecting to your highest awareness.
Most thoughts are from the past and 80% are negative.
Practicing the phrases 'I'm enough, I do enough, I have enough' shifts mindset.
Awareness is divine and universal, beyond thoughts and emotions.
Leadership requires compassionate detachment and intentionality.



Chapters
00:00 Introduction to High Performance Coaching 
01:42 From Flowers to Coaching: Steve's Journey 
04:07 The Game of 10: Understanding Emotions and Awareness 
05:18 The Impact of Self-Doubt and Fear on Leadership 
09:38 Living in a State of Love and Awareness 
10:38 The Six Phrases of the Game of 10 
14:52 Forgiveness and Letting Go of Negative Thoughts 
17:20 Key Principles for Entrepreneurs 
18:10 Rapid Fire Questions and Insights 
20:44 Conclusion and Resources 
21:46 RNR Outro Final.mp4 
22:24 RR.Gift.RetreatRnR.com.mp4


🔗 Connect with Steve Barton
📧 Email: steve@stevebartoncoaching.com
🌐 Website: www.stevebartoncoaching.com


🔗 Connect with Holly Porter | Retreat RNR 
📧 Email: holly@hollyporter.com 
🔗 LinkedIn: Holly Porter | Retreat RNR 
🎵 TikTok: @retreatrnr 
▶️ YouTube: @intlretreatassociation
📸 Instagram: @retreatrnr | @hollyporterinternational 
📘 Facebook: HollyAnnPorter

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to All Things Retreat Podcast. I'm Holly Porter, your host and CEO of Retreat R R. With over 25 years of experience in designing transformative retreats, I'm here to share insights and inspiration to help you create extraordinary experiences. Whether you're a pro or just starting out, you'll find valuable ideas here. Enjoy the ride. Let's dive in. Hello and welcome everyone to the show. We're going to be having another little conversation here with a great guy named Steve Barton, and he's a high performance executive coach and author and creator of U.S. Registered Coaching Process, the game of 10. Can't wait to hear about that. A powerful awareness-based framework that helps leaders break free from fear, self-doubt, guilt, and shame so that they can operate at their highest level of business and life. Welcome to the show, Steve.

SPEAKER_01 0:56

Well, thank you, Holly, for having me. I'm really excited to talk to you more. We had a little brief conversation, and I think we're not going to have a lack of lack of conversation during this.

SPEAKER_00 1:07

No, no, we were just saying now we're both ADHD. So you got to really listen to this one because we're going to be all over Natsuki.

SPEAKER_01 1:14

We'll reel it in.

SPEAKER_00 1:16

But I like I love bringing guests on that not necessarily are in the retreat industry or doing retreats yet, because there's just different ways to look at everything. And so you're going to have a little more of an outsider perspective in not doing and being involved in retreats yet. But definitely I want to hear about like in your life, um, what led you, what led you to create the game of 10? Let's talk about that.

SPEAKER_01 1:42

Well, we talked about this earlier that you I was in the flower business for 30 years. I mean, I grew up at eight years old. My father took over at my grandfather's greenhouse. He turned it into a flower shop. He joined FTD. We ended up so I was eight years old. So I worked in the greenhouse and I worked in the the flower shop and I was designing flowers at eight years old and always knew what I wanted to do. So I went to s college and studied business and got out of business school here in Portland, Maine. And uh I knew I couldn't work with my father. We just were like oil and oil and water. And uh but I want I really loved the business, and I was had a one-way ticket to Europe to study floral design. And three days three days before I was leaving, my mother called. They were at an FTD convention in Kansas City, Missouri, and my father had a stroke. So he lived to be 91, and he was still honoring cantankerous all his life. It didn't slow him down a bit. So anyway, yeah, so that was put me in at 22 years old running the business. And in and for 30 years, we grew up from 200,000 a year to two million, and that's a lot of flowers. And I know you used to deliver flowers, so that's a lot of that's a lot of roses and a lot of flowers. So anyway, loved it, got out just before 2008 crash. And and my the I think the biggest compliment my father said to me was, How did you know? How did you know when to get out? And so we got out at a right good time, and it's it's recovered of much right. But there was a couple years where people were uh canceling their corporate florals for their lobbies, and they were wherever they're gonna cut back, flowers were where they're gonna cut back. So glad to get out of there, and uh so you know, and I left after 30 years liking it, not loving it, just wanted to get out. So I love I love business, I love coaching. So 13 years into running the flower shop, I decided to go to therapy, and that's when everything changed. I really had a wild, you know, I had an awakening, I had a out-of-body experience. I it was all it was I just like I didn't know I had emotions. And because I was always taught you shouldn't feel that way. Why do you feel that way? You know, you're wrong. And so finally I just said, okay, I just don't have them. And so I was 36 years old when I said, Well, I guess I have some emotions. And I think the only emotion that there is is love, and the rest are illusions. So then that's basically what the game of 10 is all about. It's you know, in personal relationships, it's love, and in business, it's respect, respect of self and respect of others, and doing being honest and working with all the attributes of 10. And 10 is our highest level of awareness, which is the divine, whatever you want to call it. Okay. Yeah, some call some call it God, some call it spirit, some call it awareness, some call it consciousness, awareness. It's it's all the same thing. It's one energetic field that connects us all. And so that's what the game of 10 is all about connecting to that energetic field and using awareness versus thought.

SPEAKER_00 4:56

So Yeah, I love that.

SPEAKER_01 4:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:58

Wow. Well, a lot of our, you know, retreat leaders, leaders in the name. So if you're listening and you're a retreat leader, which must have ours are, that's what you help. You help leaders and you help them with self-doubt, fear, guilt, shame. And what do you think those kinds of things, how they influence decisions that leaders make every day?

SPEAKER_01 5:19

Well, growing up, there's from zero to seven, we're in theta. So we take on all of our parents' generational traumas, whether they know it or not, and typically they don't know it and we don't know it. And so we get programmed subconsciously, and oftentimes that's how we re that's how we react, that's how we see our lens of awareness every day without even knowing it. So we get programmed without knowing it, and that's called our subconscious. So we have to bring it to consciousness, but most people don't want to look at the paint and uh let me put it this way, I'll keep it simple. The game of 10. We're all born in a pointed 10 and through life disappointments, and if they're continuous, we hold on to them. Once we accept them into ourself of not being good enough, not being there not enough, not doing enough, not having enough, not being right, not being 10, then we that's how we look at our others as well as ourselves. And we're always then we look through that gap between, let's say, for example, six is pretty common in most people that I work with. They come to me and they're they work around six at on a scale of one to ten. How I ask them how happy, healthy, wealthy, healed, and whole are you? I'll give it a six. I said, Well, there's four, forty, it's more than four, there's a 40% gap. And in that gap, that's where people want to fill in to be whole. And oftentimes they'll use things that are addictive to fill it in. And it can be you name it. It's not just alcohol, drugs, and or porn. It's just so many addictions that overtake us. Emotions can overtake us, relationships can overtake us, you know. And that's what the gap is. So you either fill it in with your self-respect, self-awareness, self-love, or it will be filled in with something outside of you that will overtake you. So that's the basics of the game of 10. Want to do want to hear the phrases, they're they're amazing. They shut off. I teach people what will I get by doing the game of 10? I say, Well, you're gonna stop thinking. What yeah. They go, What do you mean? And then I'll say, Well, would you rather think or would you rather know? I'd rather know. And what happens is we overthink and we block our consciousness with thoughts. And they're they're all from the past. And it's been uh proven. Cleveland Clinic did a study years ago that 80% we have 60,000, the average person has 60,000 thoughts a day. Of those 60, 80% are from the past, and of those uh past thoughts, and even all thoughts, 80% of those are negative.

SPEAKER_00 7:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:51

Well, the odds of us thinking something great about ourselves is one in five. So we're trained to be negative and conditioned to be negative. So that's why a lot of coaches and people in the personal dual think positive thinking. Well, I I'm coaching that don't think at all, okay? Use your thoughts, okay? Use your thoughts, use your emotions, use your feelings, use your mind, use your body as a tool to from the pr the place of awareness and use it appropriately when when needed. It's a tool that you sharpen. You can be better at thinking, you can be better at controlling your thoughts, feelings, and emotions and skills, communication skills, but you can't be better from awareness. That is perfection on a platter. That is our divine right, that is who we are. So it's really using those skills. And most people have the skills, use them.

SPEAKER_00 8:49

Yeah, yeah. I love the the positive. I I'll tell you you're speaking my language in a lot of things here as I'm thinking about because I had a near-death experience when I was in the hospital and almost died. So a lot of people have heard my story. And when I was in what I call the stadium of life, there wasn't a negative thought. Like it you wouldn't even have thought to think it, so to speak. It's like everything, it was just full of love and joy and peace. And and it's like you you just don't get like you don't question anything because you have the gift of all knowing. And it's just so positive. And it's like, gosh, if I could live in that space and work to live in that space every day that I was in, uh life would be so different for everybody, definitely me. But yeah, it's just such a different space to not have those all those negative thoughts because we come here in our earthly bodies, and that's what we get.

SPEAKER_01 9:46

Yeah, it's the game of ten is about being natural, not being normal. Okay. So with the state that you're describing, I mean, everyone I talk to who has had an outer body, you can't describe it if you haven't. I understand it. I know that everyone's is different, every but it all has to do with in a state of that grace and gratitude and awareness. So want to do the game of ten with me? There's six phrases, and I'll I'll I'll tell you the phrases and repeat them. As you know, 10 is your highest level of awareness, and so these are declarations, it's uh active medicate medicate meditation that quiets the mind. Um with ADHD, you've ever tried to sit down and do for an hour, forget it. I have I can't do that.

SPEAKER_00 10:27

No, I can't I last about three minutes.

SPEAKER_01 10:30

Yeah, I'm done with myself. And uh I've developed these and it works, it quiets the mind. And I'll send them to you if you want to send them out to your people.

SPEAKER_00 10:38

So yeah, happy to.

SPEAKER_01 10:40

The first one is I'm 10. Repeat after me.

SPEAKER_00 10:42

I I'm 10.

SPEAKER_01 10:43

Yeah, how about saying like that? You're saying that you're an aspect of God. So I'm ten.

SPEAKER_00 10:48

I'm 10.

SPEAKER_01 10:49

I'm doing the best that I can with the awareness that I have.

SPEAKER_00 10:52

I'm doing the best that I can with the awareness that I have.

SPEAKER_01 10:55

I'm always right with the awareness that I have.

SPEAKER_00 10:57

I'm always right with the awareness that I have.

SPEAKER_01 11:00

I am enough.

SPEAKER_00 11:00

I am enough.

SPEAKER_01 11:01

I do enough.

SPEAKER_00 11:02

I do enough.

SPEAKER_01 11:03

I have enough.

SPEAKER_00 11:04

I have enough.

SPEAKER_01 11:05

That's it. It it answers all the questions our identity, our ego, our conscious, subconscious is trying to figure out we okay, we, you know, we're we're good. So quiet down. So push so I teach what I coach people. The first thing I say is memorize these phrases for the next session and say them at least five times a day. And it between phone calls, between conversations, between just do it, and it doesn't take any time. You do it when you're get going to your car, you could do it when you go into the bathroom, do it so it doesn't take any extra time out of your day. And the other thing is, what happens is I've had a couple people bliss out by saying this. Like one guy was at my bus look uh weekly business group comes in, he says, Oh my god. I go, how you his name is Steve too. And I say, How you doing, Steve? Oh my god, I didn't sleep last time. I'm overthinking and blah, blah, blah. I said, see me after. So we did the phrases, and he starts laughing. He goes, I can't think, I can't think. Are you blissing out? He goes, he shook his head up and down. I can't think. I go, if you leave your body, let me know, and I'll get you help you get back in. So he blissed out. I've never blissed out before from it, but I it does quiet my mind.

SPEAKER_00 12:17

So no, I think it's amazing to be it's kind of like the I am statements, you know, that you're you're putting in there.

SPEAKER_01 12:25

Those statements I am, I do, and I have is other be do have's. And those put you in the put you in the present moment. And what a lot of people don't recognize is the universal space, the universal time. Ekartoly wrote the book, The Power of Now. Now is now is the present moment is universal, always is the present moment, can't be anything else. So, but they don't I he hasn't talked about, he doesn't talk about the universal space or the universal portion, and that is enough. Now is always enough. And when we start from that place of enough and now, that opens up the portal to setting goals, setting intentions without all a lot of old thought static that's coming in. So you have a clear connection to universal source energy, and that's when you that's when you make your put your orders in. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 13:18

Yeah. I'm curious. I have a question for you about if when you were saying you you did years of therapy.

SPEAKER_01 13:24

No, I did, I did three sessions.

SPEAKER_00 13:26

Three okay, because I was gonna say I'm a firm believer, I'm certified for hypnosis. So I'm I love hypnosis because I feel like you can do and also energy work I do, and I feel like you can like get through things so much faster. I mean, one session is like 10 years of therapy, I think. Yeah, yeah. And so I was just kind of curious what you thought of that.

SPEAKER_01 13:45

Uh I I think it's anything you do, anything you do for yourself that gets I had mine came all at once because I was reading A Course in Miracles, I was reading Stephen Covey's second habits of highly affective people. I was reading Elizabeth Kublerath, Death and Dying. I was going to a therapist, and I forgave everybody. And that's when I had my wow, had no idea that I left my body and I was still connected, but it changed my life. And it took me about a month and a half to get back to normal. Okay. Meaning to have this knowledge and wisdom of who we are in in living in daily life among people that if you tell they thought I was telling people what happened. They thought I was crazy. Some still do 23 years ago. So it's it's when you you know, when you finally go sane, people think you're crazy. So yeah, it's true. I am crazy like a fox. And and that's how that's what I like to say that I'm crazy like a fox, and and I use my intuition daily. And that's the other thing about the game of ten. It's really opened your intuition and intentionality to manifest. So setting goals, you know, in normal language, setting goals, you know, and without having a lot of old patterns of of uh sabotage, imposter syndrome, and all that, blocking it from old thoughts. And part of the game of ten is also about when you say these phrases, it does open up old stuff to come up. That I I call that the game often played, and that is I'm not enough, I don't do enough, and I don't have enough, I'm not right with the awareness I have, I'm not doing the best I can with the words, and I'm definitely not 10. Okay. So when those thoughts do come up, it's just as important aspect of those phrases, balances it out to let go of those thoughts. And I was trained during COVID. The good thing about COVID for me was I get to meet Marianne Williamson. She was like, she was my coach for a miracle-minded coaching. And then when I wrote the book, The Father of the Son, the AHA Moment with my son, she was my writing coach, one of them. So she's a 13 times author, plus seven times New York Times bestseller. Amazing. I got to know her on a not personal level but professional level. And yeah, just trained by one of the writing. She taught me this that so whenever it's how to forgive. And I actually used it on a client who was a minister, and he goes, I taught him how to forgive, and that was pretty funny to teach a minister how to forgive. And so he so what we do is create a temple in your mind, because as Marianne puts it, uh, God is an idea in the mind of us, and we're an idea in the mind of God. So so when you have no thoughts, you have ideas, and then that's right brain, and then left brain, we turn it into a thought that because thoughts are forms, so you create forms in physical world from thoughts, right? Who thinks of that? So in our mind, create a temple, and in that temple have an altar. Any thoughts that come up that are not a game of ten or loving towards you, put them put the thoughts on the altar. Most people think they have to forgive the thought, most people think they have to forgive the person, place, or situation that hurt them, disappointed them, or harmed them. But the fact is you have to forget forgive the thoughts around it and the stories you made around it. It doesn't mean it didn't happen. It doesn't mean it wasn't horrific. It doesn't mean that at all. It just doesn't mean it has to control your life anymore. And when you don't when you let go of people, places and situations and traumas, you do it for you. You don't do it for them. They can rot. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 17:17

They can I always envision um those thoughts going. I envision a a cloud comes in and you put that thought on a cloud and then you just watch it float away and it's gone.

SPEAKER_01 17:29

Let it go. Let it go. There's more than many ways to do it, whatever way works for you.

SPEAKER_00 17:34

Oh yeah, yeah. No, I just think in I haven't I haven't thought of that practice for a while, so I'm glad you reminded me of it. If every entrepreneur listening today embraced one principle from your work, what would it be?

SPEAKER_01 17:45

Never give up. Always let go, but never give up.

SPEAKER_00 17:48

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:49

Yeah. It's a good one. That's it. Just made that up for you, Valley.

SPEAKER_00 17:53

Hey, sometimes it just you gotta get it when it comes. I channel that one for you. I love it. Thank you. I receive when okay. Let's do let's do a few rapid fire little questions. Okay, no right or wrong answer, just the first thing comes top of mind.

SPEAKER_01 18:08

Okay, coffee or tea. Coffee. I'm drinking coffee right now. ADHD coffee. Give me the give me the caffeine ivy.

SPEAKER_00 18:17

Are you a morning person or night owl? Both. Wow, I like my sleep too much. What word describes great leadership?

SPEAKER_01 18:24

Kindness with authority.

SPEAKER_00 18:26

Biggest lesson business has taught you.

SPEAKER_01 18:29

Create value, and you'll always be fine.

SPEAKER_00 18:32

What's a book that's changed your life?

SPEAKER_01 18:34

Course in Miracles.

SPEAKER_00 18:35

I hear you. I've been hearing that one a lot lately. So we must need it out there. Uh most underrated success habit.

SPEAKER_01 18:43

Showing up on time.

SPEAKER_00 18:44

What is one thing people misunderstand about intuition?

SPEAKER_01 18:49

That is woo-woo.

SPEAKER_00 18:51

That is woo-woo, yeah. It's true. What's a fear that you personally had to overcome?

SPEAKER_01 18:59

I think the fear of not being liked or or understood. Or understood. Toss up, toss up. Now, now I don't. I had to come up with a word. I did. It's called tenkare. And it was it I did a three-chat question. What does it mean when you deeply, deeply, deeply care and deeply, deeply, deeply don't give a few fill in the black. Okay. And it came up with all three chats came up with compassionate detachment. And which is so important, even coaching, therapy, friendships, that you don't take on somebody else's depression, anxiety, because that's energy can be transferred. So so I came up with it. So I wanted one word. There wasn't one I could come up with. So I had I made one up and I love marketing. I love branding. So I came up with ten care, T-E-N-C-A-R-E, put an accent at the end so it's ten care. When I really deeply, deeply, yeah, I want to hear all about that. Do you think I really give up about it? No, but I want to hear it. I care and don't care. I'm not attached to it. And uh and that's when that's what a great leader has to be. Something, some really horrific stuff happens. You have to care deeply. But you uh a lot of leaders will react versus what are we gonna do about it? I care and I don't care. Let's get let's fix this now, get it taken care of, take care of the clean up the mess after we put out the fire. And uh so that's part of leadership as well.

SPEAKER_00 20:26

Okay, wow. Well, thanks a lot for sharing your words of wisdom today. I'm I'm gonna put your information in the show notes. If you want to hand me over those six statements, I will add those as well. That would be fabulous. I'm sure our listeners would love that gift. That's a great gift.

SPEAKER_01 20:41

And uh any any last words. We can also download my book for free on my website, www.stevebartoncoaching.com, and scroll down to the bottom, fill in the name, email address. You will get some five coaching trickles after that, but to act upon it or not, tenkare. Okay. And if people are interested, then great. If they're not great, that's well. They get to read the book. And and that's part, I think a lot of it is brain. You know, if you don't brainwash yourself, you're gonna be brainwashed by the television or society. So I love brainwashing myself and keeping it clean for speech. Yeah. So and uh yeah, that's the best way. And I'm on LinkedIn to share some wisdom there every week on a on a we'll put all those links right in the show notes so people can. You're gonna take care of me. I know that. And I'm always available for retreats as well. So anyone out there for retreats, I'd love to do a game of 10 retreats. So I'm gonna talk to Holly about that after.

SPEAKER_00 21:38

Yeah, we are. Definitely. I'm all for that. Okay, everyone, we're gonna see you next time on the show. And thanks again, Steve. Bye for now. Thank you for joining us on this episode of All Things Retreat. We hope you're leaving with new ideas, fresh inspiration, and the motivation to take your retreats to the next level. Don't forget to subscribe and leave us a review. It helps us grow and reach more retreat leaders like you. And if you have any questions, topics you'd like us to cover, or just want to say hello, send us an email at infonirretreatrnr.com. Follow us on social media to stay connected and catch all the latest updates. Until next time. Remember, great retreats are with great intentions. Let's make them extraordinary, one step at a time. Before you dive in, let's make sure you're really ready. Grab your free are the retreat ready checklist and find out that you've got everything in place from your clip and pricing to your audience and the gender. Don't get it. It's clear. This quick checklist will show you exactly where you stand and what you need to be able to retreat. Click the link below in the show notes to grab your dentist and take the first step to my home.