Finding Strength Through Faith, Resilience & Purpose

Summary
In this episode, Jay Setchell shares his incredible journey of resilience, reinvention, and the power of mindset after surviving multiple near-death experiences and life-altering challenges. Holly Porter hosts a compelling conversation about overcoming adversity and the inner strength we all possess.




Takeaways
Jay Setchell's early life on a farm and military service
The impact of Marine Corps training on mindset
Surviving multiple near-death experiences and surgeries
The importance of faith, hope, and surrender in adversity
The role of decision-making and mental attitude in overcoming challenges
The concept of resilience as a combination of innate and developed traits
The significance of purpose and service in personal growth
Lessons from the book 'The Strength Within You' and its impact
Resilience is partly innate but can be developed through adversity.
A strong mindset is built on faith, hope, and the willingness to adapt.
Decisions shape our future, even in difficult circumstances.
Surrendering does not mean giving up; it means accepting and pivoting.
Inner strength is accessible to everyone, regardless of physical limitations.



Chapters
00:00 Introduction and guest background
02:01 Jay's early life and military service
04:33 The Marine Corps and mindset development
10:45 Near-death experiences and life lessons
17:25 Deciding to write his book and sharing his story
20:19 The power of inner strength and resilience
23:31 The impact of positive feedback and inspiration
24:57 Final thoughts: inner strength and moving forward


🔗 Connect with Jay Setchell | The Strength Within You
📧 Email: jay@neverquittrying.com
📘 Facebook: JaySetchellTSWY
📸 Instagram: @author.jaysetchell
🎵 TikTok: @author.jaysetchell


🔗 Connect with Holly Porter | Retreat RNR 
📧 Email: holly@hollyporter.com 
🔗 LinkedIn: Holly Porter | Retreat RNR 
🎵 TikTok: @retreatrnr 
▶️ YouTube: @intlretreatassociation
📸 Instagram: @retreatrnr | @hollyporterinternational 
📘 Facebook: HollyAnnPorter

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome to All Things Retreat Podcast. I'm Holly Porter, your host and CEO of Retreat RR. With over 25 years of experience in designing transformative retreats, I'm here to share insights and inspiration to help you create extraordinary experiences. Whether you're a pro or just starting out, you'll find valuable ideas here. Enjoy the ride. Let's dive in.

SPEAKER_02 0:27

Hello everyone. I hope you're all doing well and having a fabulous day or evening, wherever you're listening in the world. We're happy that you're here and you landed on our podcast. What does it take to keep moving forward? Life's given you every reason to give up. Today's guest is a definition of unstoppable. He was raised on a large working farm and later served as a United States Marine. He learned early in life about discipline, determination, and doing what needs to be done. But nothing could have fully prepared him for the challenges ahead. He's a multiple-time near-death survivor who has endured more than 70 major surgeries. Today he's mostly paralyzed and uses a power wheelchair. Yet he continues to build, create, invent, write, solve problems, and push forward every day. He's a career entrepreneur, corporate problem solver, inventor, an author whose life is a powerful reminder. The circumstances don't have to determine our future. His philosophy is simple but profound. Whatever has happened has happened. We cannot go back and change it. What we can do is learn from it, do better, and believe that greater things are still ahead. So today we're talking about resilience, reinvention, purpose, and what mean what it means to be believing in future after surviving the impossible. So please welcome our extraordinary guest, Jay Setchell.

SPEAKER_00 2:01

Oh hey Holly, good to be here. Good to be here, young lady. Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 2:05

Well, I'm glad you're here and not somewhere else, or I wouldn't have a guest.

SPEAKER_00 2:08

Oh, that's I could disappear real quick.

SPEAKER_02 2:11

Please don't. I like my shows to have guests.

SPEAKER_00 2:19

Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 2:20

Did I say your last name correctly?

SPEAKER_00 2:22

Central?

SPEAKER_02 2:24

I think so. I think I did. That's rare. That's okay. We take what we get, we don't throw a fit, right?

SPEAKER_00 2:31

Amen. Amen.

SPEAKER_02 2:32

Jay, when people see everything that you have survived, uh they may focus on your physical limitations. But before we talk about what happened to you, who do you want people to understand who you are?

SPEAKER_00 2:45

I I believe anything's possible. And you can always you can achieve it. You just have to believe it, have the faith you can do it, and move towards it.

SPEAKER_02 2:53

Yeah, I so so agree. Well, thank you for your service, first of all. But what led you to join the United States Marine Corps?

SPEAKER_00 3:01

Uh my cousin Bob was seven years older than I was. He was kind of like my childhood hero, and he served from 60 to 64, and he told me not to join it.

SPEAKER_02 3:11

Oh, so you did.

SPEAKER_00 3:13

And I was gonna be I wanted to go into Marine Corps anyhow because you know that was where uh it was the tough it was a it was the toughest branch. And and uh and after Bob told me, Jay, whatever you do, don't go into Marine Corps. Uh that's like telling a kid to stay out of the candy jar, you know.

SPEAKER_02 3:31

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:32

I remember telling my mom, I just enlisted in the Marine Corps, and she cried, you know, and I think she she would have shot me if she had had a gun, but you know, she was teaching a class and couldn't leave the class.

SPEAKER_02 3:44

So no. I have one of my kids is in the National Guard and he's full-time in the National Guard about 12 number 12 year now. And I he always wanted the Marine Corps and wanted to go full-time, and then he got a high school girlfriend who talked him out of it and she didn't want him in full time, so he enlisted in in National Guard because they're like it's a weekend thing. And then he went to boot camp and she cheated on him and they got divorced. But he stayed in the National Guard and he's making a career out of it and doing great. So and he got a better wife. That's so he trade he traded up all the way around.

SPEAKER_00 4:20

That's good.

SPEAKER_02 4:21

How would you say that the Marine Corps helped your mindset? Because I really feel like they mess with you until they they break you until they build you. I don't know, that's just been my opinion on it forever. But what do you what would you say?

SPEAKER_00 4:34

They they they do, they break you down to nothing and then they build you back up. They build you to what they want at that time. But when I did it was all Vietnam. So we took 14-week boot camp into nine weeks, and we were told that uh we're I mean, you got slugged in the guts till you threw up blood, you got punched in the face, every name in the book. And it didn't matter because what we were gonna face, and and we we knew that half of our platoon at least would go to Vietnam and half of us would not come back at all. And that's ex almost exactly what happened. And uh but I I I don't know that the Marine Corps affected my mindset, Holly, as much as my childhood, because when I went in, I already thought that way. I really did. I thought I thought with a sense of urgency, responsibility, uh ownership, do as you're told, uh, you know, uh act on it, be at pay attention to detail, uh, all of that stuff like that. They just pounded it deeper into my hard head. You know, uh I I I I was raised very, very well. I had a great education being raised on the farm by really good parents and their parents, and I'm eighth generation on our farm. So I I went through a lot on the farm. And so the Marine Corps was kind of a it we I I don't know. I you know, you learn different tactics and things to do to people, and you carry that into Vietnam back in my day. And uh, but I don't know that it it it it it taught me, it it it it it really pounded into my head more, it's always too soon to quit. You you'll never say quit, never give up. You you I mean there there is no you well our old our our saying is simplify, do or die. Yeah, yeah, you do it or you die.

SPEAKER_02 6:29

You know, it's interesting, you that brings up a really um I I feel like like the S in my book of shift is surrender, and it's I don't feel like surrender is giving up. Surrender's just when you realize you need help. And I and we all need help. Like you said, you're looking there. Rotary International, and I've said this before on the show, their motto I feel like is flawed. It was built well, it was created in 1917, I think, 1914. So it's old, and it was created by a bunch of old men, I'm sure. No offense to anybody, but I just saying it it was service above self. And if you think about that, you can't have service above yourself. I mean, you have to take care of yourself to you can't pour from an empty cup, you've got to serve others with at least a half to full cup, right?

SPEAKER_00 7:19

Yeah. I well, you know, it's like I mean, the Marine Corps, yeah, I I learned or was reinforced what I was raised with, and that's the world is a lot bigger than you are. You know, other people, you know, pay if you pay attention to other people and work for them, uh, you know, there's I I believe that the more people you help, the better person you become. And I I I I I believe that with all my heart. And I I don't, and the word you use, surrender, I I will never give up, but I do know that to use that word surrender, like you said, yeah. There are times when you say, This isn't going right, I'm not going there, I'm gonna move it over here. I'll pivot. I'll do if that's surrender, okay. I surrender, but I'm not quitting.

SPEAKER_02 8:05

Right. And I I don't believe, yeah, quitting is not part of surrender, as far as I'm concerned either. So I agree with you. But I and I'm all about service. Like my whole every career decision path that I've ever been on is always has service aspect in it, and the philanthropy I do, it's always there. And I've learned over the years that if if I'm not filling my own cup, it's just it's really hard to keep giving when it's empty. And so I think people service starts with you first, and that doesn't mean being self-served, that doesn't mean making it all about you, but it you do have to take care of yourself at some level. So I think there's a balance in there somewhere.

SPEAKER_00 8:40

Well, a lot of it's a mental balance because it's it's am I okay? Am I thinking right? Am I do I have the right uh um goals or or thoughts before I help Holly do this? Or am I am I leading her in the right way correctly and or am I helping her in any way, shape, or form in at the best I can do, and I need to get my mindset to to to you know it's kind of like the you know, you mentioned something before about the military too, and you know, and you've heard of a thing called the battle plan, okay? The battle plan's good, but when the battle starts, you take the plan and throw it out the window. Yeah, and you gotta remember that, and that's it's kind of like life, but get your head screwed on straight. And if you know you're set there and you're and you know, and and and the word mindset that you've you've already said, and I've said, is it used to be when we when I was younger was attitude. Because you were you may remember too, it was like you probably heard the comment about some guy or a woman, they need to get an attitude adjustment or I'll straighten them out. Okay, that's it, and so but attitude kind of gave way to mindset, and I don't know why, because I still say, hey, what you what's your problem with your attitude, you know?

SPEAKER_02 9:58

Yeah, well, that's because that's what how we we learned. I mean, that's what we knew, but okay, I'm gonna shift gears. Um so listeners, you know, a lot of my listeners that have listened for a while know that I had a near-death experience, a bunch of out-of-body spiritual experience, and I know you had several of those too. Of course, this show's not about near-death experiences, so they can probably go on YouTube and put your name in there and find some other ones more about that. But I'm just curious around that, um, since you had multiple near-death experiences, can you take us back to maybe an experience that changed your life most profoundly?

SPEAKER_00 10:34

The the third time I died, the third time, uh, was from a broke I had I was married three weeks the day that it happened. I was 31 and a half, 4th of July 1981. I jumped in a swimming pool feet first in three and a half feet of water, broke my neck at four places, and and drowned, and was paralyzed from the shoulders down, never supposed to move again. Yeah, wow. That's pretty profound.

SPEAKER_02 10:58

How did that change you?

SPEAKER_00 10:59

It gave me more faith and it gave me a harder work ethic. I already had an obsessively crazy hard 22-hour day work ethic, but it gave me more of a mental work ethic because it's like right now, being mostly paralyzed, I my right arm works, it flops, but I can't use it for anything really. But and I in my writing, on my left hand, my wrist is fused, my fingers have been all broken and stuff, and knuckles and every every, you know, blah, blah, blah. And but I I um I I've just had to learn to adapt. I mean, you've got to learn to do things differently, and but yet continue to push forward. And it and this is the smart part. This is this is what you need. And and somebody asked me, I said, Well, you can't operate on that alone. And I said, Well, you ever heard of a guy named Stephen Hawking's? Okay, he couldn't move anything for years, and he's a was one of the most brilliant men that probably ever lived. And yet, at the same time, and so my other comment was, okay, if I take you from the head up or from the neck up, and you don't have anything, you can't even think at about anything, but you're fine from here down. What are you gonna do? Because now your body's useless without your mind. Right. So it's in your head, it's in your head, and everything's mental. You can getting back to the word mindset, attitude, grit, determination, perseverance, uh uh commitment. It doesn't matter, discipline.

SPEAKER_02 12:32

Yeah, I think it all decides, decide, it all starts with one word, decision. You decide you're going to have it a different way, and that's the first part of making it the change.

SPEAKER_00 12:44

Well, we're we are in my book, I say we're we are all a choice. We we are all a product. I'm sorry, we're all a product of the choices we've had and the decisions we've made. Because you can choose in the morning, you want iced tea or coffee, for example. Okay, well, whatever you choose, that's your decision. So if you go down the road and you come to a Y, you have to make a decision. And and that's it. And it and it can be you, and even if it's a bad decision, it can be a good one. And you know, and I heard of something here recently, Holly, I would like to just throw out real quick. And it's like people said, I I I heard this from a from an another, I'm I'm an old man, but I heard it from an older man. And he said, you know what? There's there's never a bad hand of cards, it's how you play them. Because you can have a great hand of cards and get beat by somebody with a terrible hand. Yes, it's how it's how you play the game.

SPEAKER_02 13:40

Yeah, it's so true, and you're right. And and the decisions you make in the game that definitely have the outcome.

SPEAKER_01 13:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 13:49

So let's talk about resilience for a moment, because obviously you have a lot of great you have a lot of resilience, but do you think it's something that you're born with, or do you think it's a strength that we develop through adversity?

SPEAKER_00 14:02

I I I believe certain people have that opportunity to be born with a little bit of it in their DNA, which gives them a heck of a head start. But it's definitely born through doing all the things that you're uncomfortable with, that are hard, that are painful, that are that are difficult, that that that nobody else wants to do, and you keep doing it, no matter whether it's 40 below zero, and I'm four and a half years old feeding a calf, or it's a hundred degrees and I'm feeding a calf. It doesn't matter. When I'm four and a half and five, I was already doing that. So it doesn't matter. It's it's putting up with whatever is there and moving forward and having the faith, the belief, and the vision that you can see ahead. And and to use another analogy, and it's not an analogy, it's a fact, but when you you know what the parallel bars are when you're going through rehab, right? You know, the two the two bars. Okay, parallel bars.

SPEAKER_02 15:05

They've done that.

SPEAKER_00 15:06

Okay, and and I uh yeah, uh yeah, I've done it too. And and the tough thing is that what I saw, most people that use the parallel bars, they had to uh use an ace bandage on my right hand to hold it to the bar because it's paralyzed, and my left one was working pretty good, and they follow you with a wheelchair in case you fall down backwards, and somebody's in front of you and they've got a gate belt on, right? Okay, you remember that. Okay, so when everybody, everybody I saw always looked here, they looked here, they were worried about this. I never did that. I looked at the end of the bar, and that's my goal. Uh I never looked at my feet, I never looked at my hands. And before my left arm, which was the first thing that started to move, and when it twitched and it and it and it had a little bit of a it's twitching. I'm gonna make it work, number one, and number two is I'm gonna walk out of here. I knew I was gonna walk eight months before I walked. I knew it, I had the faith in it, I believed in it, and there's a difference. Some people say, I hope I can walk.

SPEAKER_02 16:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:15

There's a big difference between hope, right, believe it and having the faith that I believe with all my heart, because you can see it, you can feel it, you can taste it.

SPEAKER_02 16:25

Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_00 16:27

And that's what I had. I knew I'd walk months before I walked.

SPEAKER_02 16:31

Yeah, so it's funny you just said so shift stands for in my book from my near-death experience: surrender, hope, intuition, faith, and transformation. You you said like three of them in that one paragraph. So there you go. In alignment, right? That's right. It's all about the shift. Well, when when you decided to do your book, when did when did you decide? Like, what was that moment for you? And like, all right, it's time to tell my story, and I'm gonna write a book.

SPEAKER_00 17:06

Well, I I've been told to write a book for 50 some years, 55 years. And I it's just not me. I'm not a writer. I'm I'm the kid that when he went to school in English class, you know, every book I or every book report I started, or everything said started out with once upon a time. I never started out with cow, look at the cow jump over the moon. I didn't know you could do that. And so, but I I I just didn't believe that I had a story to tell. And I had a gentleman come from uh an institute called the Pacific Institute, and I had worked with the man that started the Pacific Two Pacific Institute named Lou Tice back in 1976, and it was kind of a thing about mindset, but that wasn't what it was called, it was attitude at the time. And uh, but anyhow, Mark Panciera came and he was the president of the and he had heard a podcast that was done on me about 10 years ago by a guy out of Atlanta, and I didn't even know it existed, I'd never heard it. And uh he had heard it and he called me and asked me if I would come to a place in Tampa and talk to a group of people, you know, uh, for an hour, three different days in a row, which I did. And so he called me uh two two years ago, like in June, and said, I'd like to come to your part of the state of Texas. I'm gonna be in San Antonio, I'd like to come visit you, and I'd like to do an interview on LinkedIn. And and when he got here, the my wife and I met him at a place for supper the night that they showed up, and then he spent the night and they came out the next day. And when I was moving from my wheelchair trying to get in a seat, which I usually never do, uh, he said he watched me in pain, he watched the hurt and the everything I went through to do it, because I would like to sit in a regular chair once in a while. And I never do anymore at all. And uh, but he said he said to me, he said, Do you ever feel sorry for yourself at all? You ever you know think about that? And my wife and I both looked at him like, What why would I do that? What what I don't know what I don't even understand the question, really, because I no, I don't. And so, anyhow, that next day, during our talk, when we were done, he said, Jay, you gotta write a book. You have got to write a book because you have a story of resilience that I've never heard. And and he's in his early 60s, and he's been teaching mindset and stuff for 35 or 40 years, and he's I've never heard anything like this. And I've seen it, I've watched it, and you're just a work in progress, and you're not gonna stop. I you just there is something innate in you that is is resilience personified, is what he said. And he said uh the strength within you, it's always too soon to quit.

SPEAKER_02 20:03

I like that.

SPEAKER_00 20:03

Strength within you because you all you have a strength within you, Holly. Everybody listening to you, all your audience has a strength within them. Is it is it their DNA, is it their upbringing, is it their church, is it faith, is it their mom, their dad, is it aggravation, pain? Uh there's a million things it can be, but what can you dig into to find to push you through that next adversity or roadblock or detour? And and I feel that with all my heart. And that's where he just said, Jay, you are so committed to it, you get you get really direct about it. And I I I and I believe that with 100%. And and the book, really, Holly, it's a little bit about my medical stuff. And uh, but it's it's it's it talks about my well, we talked about the medical, I think I said, gosh darn, I lost where I was at.

SPEAKER_02 20:57

But it's talking about the book.

SPEAKER_00 20:59

Um, okay. It's but it it talks about some of the medical things and issues, but it it's more about what does it take to help you move through the problem? I don't, you know, when I when I interview corporately or when I've hired people over the years, or when I talk to somebody, I I don't really it's great that they've got this award, it's great that they did that, it's great they won the Super Bowl, it's great, but what did they have to do to go make it through it? What do they have to do to get through that? And what did they learn from it, and how can they take it into the future to overcome other adversities, like I was starting to say, or roadblocks and detours, because they're going to run into them at some point. And that so that's really what the book is about. And then I've got, you know, it's like it's like my website, which uh as I mentioned prior to the podcast, I I didn't know they didn't have it turned on, so to speak. And so it'll be up and going, but it's it's kind of takes after me, and it's called now. NeverquitTrying.com. So you know, and there's a little link on there to me. And I know that it worked a while because I got some some uh emails from people and stuff, and I got an email I'd like to share with you if you highlighted some things. And what I'm trying to tell you, Mr. Sutchell, is I'm 88 years old, 88 and a half. My husband died five years ago, and I don't care if I live to be 89 or 90. I do not care. I read your book and I read all those passages so many times that now I do care, and I'm planning my 95th birthday.

SPEAKER_02 22:36

Oh, that's why not a hundredth.

SPEAKER_00 22:39

Well, it gave me a tear. I'm thinking if that changes that lady's life, yeah, that much at that age that to renew it, we can all be renewed.

SPEAKER_02 22:51

Take that lesson as readers of people's books because and give them those compliments. What whatever thoughts we're having about it, especially if they're positive, figure out a way to let that author know. Send them an email, send them something because it again, look how it touched you, but because it touched them. And when I wrote my book, it was like if I'm just telling it to one person and it changes something about the projectory of their life, it's worth it to me to share, you know. And I think that we need to take that as a lesson and all to do that and push forward. But um, I I'm gonna put all of your information in our show notes so that our listeners can find you, get a hold of you, uh, reach out to you. And there's so much wisdom here. I wish we had two hours, but we don't. And I I think that you shared so many words of wisdom.

SPEAKER_00 23:40

So I appreciate you coming and if I may, I'd I'd like to just kind of sum my comments up with a comment that no matter what lies behind us, the all the matters that lie behind us and all the matters that lie ahead of us are very small compared to what lies within us. And we have so much within us to do, and we've learned from what we've done, so why not keep moving forward? But it's in it's within us. So it works.

SPEAKER_02 24:11

So keep moving forward, keep the grit, be resilient, and learn from Jay. All right, everyone. We will see you next time on the show. Come back and visit often. See you later. Bye for now.

SPEAKER_01 24:29

Thank you for joining us on this episode of All Things Retreat. We hope you're leaving with new ideas, fresh inspiration, and the motivation to take your retreats to the next level. Don't forget to subscribe and leave us a review. It helps us grow and reach more retreat leaders like you. And if you have any questions, topics you'd like us to cover, or just want to say hello, send us an email at info we retreatrnr.com. Follow us on social media to stay connected and catch all the latest updates. Until next time. Remember, great retreats start with great intentions. Let's make them extraordinary one step at a time. Thinking about hosting a retreat? Before you dive in, let's make sure you're really ready. Grab your free Are You Retreat ready checklist and find out if you've got everything in place from your purpose to pricing to your audience and agenda. Don't guess. Get clear. This quick checklist will show you exactly where you stand and what you need to make your retreat success. Click the link below in the show notes to grab your gift and take the first step toward hosting company.