“The Things Dads Quietly Miss”

There are things dads quietly miss after becoming fathers… and most of us never talk about them.

The silence.
The freedom.
The hobbies.
Hot food.
Watching an entire movie uninterrupted.

In this episode of Mostly Me, Occasionally Wise, Brian talks honestly about the little parts of life dads secretly miss while also reflecting on the meaningful chaos that comes with fatherhood.

From kids stealing fries off your plate to emotional moments that hit harder than expected, this episode mixes humor, honesty, and relatable dad life moments every parent will understand.

Because missing parts of your old life doesn’t mean you love your kids any less.

It just means you’re human.

Stay mostly you… occasionally wise.

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Until next time — stay mostly you, and occasionally wise.

Transcript

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There are things dads miss that we almost never admit out loud. Not because we don't love our kids, but because somewhere along the way we feel guilty for even thinking it. We miss silence, we miss sleep, we miss hobbies, and some of us miss being bored. And today we're finally talking about it. Welcome back to Mostly Me, Occasionally Lives, the podcast where we talk about dad life, real life, and everything in between. I'm your host, Brian, and today's episode is one I think a lot of dads are going to relate to quietly while probably pretending they don't. We're talking about the things dads quietly miss. Not because we regret being fathers, not because we trade our kids for anything, but because becoming a dad changes literally everything. Your schedule changes, your priorities change, even your identity changes. And sometimes you quietly miss pieces of the life you used to have. So today we're going to laugh about it, we're going to be honest about it, and maybe even realize we're not alone in feeling it. And before we get too deep into all the emotional stuff dads quietly missed, let's talk about things fatherhood has a way of reminding you. It's the little moments that usually are the ones that stick with you the most. We've gone over this in multiple episodes. So what that means is that it's time for the dad life debrief. If you're new to the podcast, Dad Life Debrief is an opportunity for you to get to know me outside of a microphone. It allows you to get to know and understand the chaos and just the amazing life that God has provided me behind the microphone. Before we get into dad life debrief, though, I want to let you know that I am fighting some sinus issues. So if I sound a little stopped up, I apologize, but that is what is going on. I am taking medicine and I do feel a lot better than I did a couple of days ago. With that said, let's get into dad life debrief. Last weekend, my 13-year-old son got to go fish with his grandparents. Now, my 13-year-old loves fishing, loves everything about fishing. And during the summer, that's all he thinks about. For the most part. I mean, he's got a girlfriend, he's got friends, and he loves playing video games. But fishing is his jam. And getting to see some of the pictures from the weekend with his grandparents, it's little moments that you get to realize that your son is growing up and becoming his own person right in front of you. He talks about fishing nonstop, what bait to use, you know, when is he going to get to go again, who he's going to get to go with, and and you know, can he bring the fish home when he catches them? And it it's it's amazing to see, you know, as a parent seeing your kid from a distance becoming a young man. I saw it a lot over this past week. He had competitive soccer tryouts. And Monday I took him because I just needed I needed a break. I wasn't feeling very well, I didn't sleep very well, and I wanted to just get out of the house and breathe in some fresh air while watching my son enjoy the thing he loves most besides fishing, and that is soccer. And I got emotional a little bit because watching him run the field and just having fun doing the things he enjoys, it's it's humbling, but it also makes you really proud to know that regardless of his past life, you are now providing a life for him that he just loves and enjoys, even though he wants to fight with you constantly because he's the teenager. But he is enjoying life. He really is. He's out there with his friends, he scored three goals his first night of competitive soccer tryouts. I was just, my heart was full, even though I was coughing up my lungs and I could barely breathe. None of that mattered because my son is out there having the time of his life. And it's just, as a parent, you love seeing things like that. If you're if you're a parent of kids that you've adopted, you definitely enjoy little moments like that because there's a lot of times that you doubt yourself and you wonder, okay, am I giving my my son or daughter the best life that I could potentially give them? So let's move on to the four-year-old. My four-year-old has become very open with saying, I love you. And I and I love it. I love it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. It's just the moments when he does it. So last weekend, while my 13-year-old was fishing, we got the opportunity to go meet my 19-year-old daughter's boyfriend's parents. We all ate dinner together, and of course, while we're eating, he approaches me and says, Hey daddy, you know, I've got to go poop. So we go to the bathroom. And he's sitting in the stall, and I'm saying standing outside the stall. For one, the stall was too small for two bodies. And so I also wanted to give him that privacy. And we were talking about things, and I was jumping up and you know, jumping up and down and poking my head up over the stall. And there was a moment of silence, and he looked at he, you know, he he looked at the door, I'm sure, and said out loud, Daddy, I know, I know it smells gross in here, and I know that I'm pooping, but I just want you to know I love you. And it melted my heart. And I smiled, and of course I said, you know, I love you too, buddy. And, you know, meanwhile, you know, while you're having that moment with your son, every grown man in the bathroom suddenly becomes an emo you know, becomes emotionally supportive. And then to complete the full dad experience after he gets done pooping, I found myself fighting for survival over my own food. Yet again. And this leads me to this next question. Why do kids always want your food? So my four-year-old, when it comes to food, he he's he's simple. He knows what he likes and he sticks with it right now. We're in that phase. And he wanted chicken, corn dogs, and french fries. He's all about french fries right now. And I got a burger and fries. Because I just, you know, sometimes you just crave a good cheeseburger, and that's that's what I wanted at the moment. And I'm sitting there eating, and I'm talking to my wife, and I'm talking to uh my daughter's boyfriend's parents, and I see this little four-year-old hand sneak over in front of me and steal one of my French fries. And I'm like, okay, one's one one's good. But then it becomes, you know, a continuous thing, and I have to stop him. I don't mind sharing my food. But when I look over at his, you know, he's got smiley face French fries. Smiley face French fries. I mean, what four-year-old wouldn't love that moment? Instead, he is getting my own my own plain Jane French fries and stealing them. I don't I don't understand why, but it it somehow my plate has instantly become the legendary plate. And I'm over here trying to protect the last three fries that I have, like a final battle on an action movie while he's got a plate full of French fries. And the worst part, I know I am going to lose every single time. You know, now that I think about it, maybe food is actually a perfect example of what dads quietly miss. Not the food itself, obviously, but the freedom, the ability to do simple things without turning it into a full family production. And honestly, that might be one of the biggest adjustments of becoming a parent. With that said, the first thing dads quietly miss, you guessed it, freedom. And I don't mean running wild bachelor life freedom. I mean simple, pure, beautiful freedom. You know, I rem I remember leaving the house in under two minutes, and now it's shoes, snacks, cups, where's your tablet? Somebody suddenly has to peer poop, and somehow nobody can find the things that have been in the same place for the last three years. It used to be just grab your keys and leave. And now leaving feels like preparing for for a military operation. It really does. And somehow dad's become the default carriers of everything. You leave the house with backpacks, chargers, drinks, jackets, random toys nobody touches, and at least one mystery item you haven't seen or didn't realize existed. Someone's handing you that for safekeeping, usually my four-year-old. And I don't honestly know what's even in my pockets anymore half the time. And it at this point, I'm basically a walking lost and found apartment. And remember when weekends used to feel relaxing? Now weekends somehow become more exhausting than regular work days because work days are structured. Weekends are chaos with pancakes and spontaneous plans, they're gone. Back in the day, you could say you want to go somewhere, and now it's maybe in two weeks after soccer practice, if no one gets sick. And listen, I do love my kids, but I miss the freedom of doing absolutely nothing without needing a com you know a committee meeting first. But freedom isn't the only thing dads miss. There are a bunch of little everyday things we never even appreciated until they disappeared. And once you become a parent, you you suddenly realize how valuable silence, hobbies, and even the uninterrupted bathroom trips really were. Now let's get into the stuff dads really miss. And if you relate to any of these, welcome to the club. First up, silence. Not peaceful silence, not even background TV silence. I mean hearing your own thoughts silence. There are dads right now sitting in the bathroom pretending to poop, just so they can qu get a quick five minutes silence right now. And honestly, I respect it because I do the same thing. Another thing dad miss, watching an entire movie uninterrupted. You used to sit down with your snacks and enjoy films. And now you pause the movies because someone's hungry, someone's crying, someone's built juice, or your kid suddenly wants to ask 47 questions about the movies during the most important scenes. And let's be honest, half of us are asleep before the credits roll, anyways. Dads also miss being sick in peace. Before kids being sick meant sleeping, resting, watching TV, and recovering. Now you're sick while tiny humans still need snacks and emotional support every six minutes. There's no recovery. You're just can uh a congested Uber driver trying to survive. Boy, that's me right now. Another thing, Dad Smith. Eating hot food while it's still hot. Parents understand this this one immediately. Your foods now have stages. Warm, lukewarm, disappointing, and forgotten entirely. Half the time you finally sit down to eat and someone suddenly needs your help with something they absolutely could have handled five minutes earlier. Or or they need juice. Juice is a big one with my four-year-old. I'll I'll go to sit down with my wife and the kids. And I always ask before I sit down, you guys need anything else before I sit down? And I'll go to sit down and my butt has touched a seat and I'm feeling the the the relief of being off my feet and my my four-year-old will look at me and go, Daddy, I need juice. And I just I just lower my head and sigh and I smile. But it's not it's not it's not a a happy smile, it's uh it's a smile like boy, really, really, you could have just told me this 30 seconds ago. Another things dads also quietly miss are hobbies. Gaming for hours, working on projects, fishing, sports, even just sitting around doing absolutely nothing. And now your hobbies become fixing things, paying bills, falling asleep at 8 42 p.m. I mean, right now, that's adulthood. And underneath all that funny stuff, I think there's something actually deeper happening. Because sometimes it's not just about the hobbies or free times that dads missed. Sometimes it's the older versions of ourselves, the versions before life got so heavy. This next part gonna get a little deeper, and I and I think you know it really is one of the things that dads truly miss, and that's the old versions of themselves, the versions before the constant responsibilities, before every decision you made affected someone else. And with that, I think dads also miss feeling spontaneous emotionally. We used to have a crap ton of energy for everything. Friends called, let's go. Late night movies, absolutely, random trips, I'm there. Now somebody asked if you want to go out after eight, and your body reacts as if they're suggesting you climb Mount Everest. I mean, I'm usually bad by nine now, so and and somewhere along the way, you realize exhaustion slowly becomes your default setting. It really does. Not a dramatic exhaustion, but this constant low battery mode, adults somehow learn to function through. Sometimes dads miss feeling carefree, having energy, seeing friends more, feeling interesting outside of work and parenting. It's funny that I mention that because a lot of times when I'm out with other parents, that's all we talk about. Our work and parenting. Because, you know, we do love our kids, but it's just it's it's almost like that's a discussion you're gonna have 100% of the time. And nobody really talks about how easy it is to lose pieces of your identity after becoming a parent. You become a dad, a provider, a problem solver, and somewhere in there the version of you can get quieter. And I think a lot of dads feel guilty admitting that. But honestly, missing parts of your old life doesn't mean you don't love your kids any less. It really honestly means that you're human. But even with all of that being true, there's also this weird emotional balance that comes with being a father. Because while dads may quietly miss the good old days, most of us wouldn't go back for any of it. I mean, not for long, anyways. And even though dads miss parts of the good old days, let's be honest, most of us wouldn't actually trade what we have now. Because the chaos becomes meaningful, the loud house becomes normal, the interruptions become memories. Think about it. One day your kids aren't gonna need you to tie shoes, open snacks, you know, kill the monster in the closet, wipe, wipe their butt after they're done pooping, or or come look at something completely unimportant in the backyard. And and sure, right now those moments feel exhausting. They do, but later, those are probably gonna be the first things we miss the most. And that's the trade nobody explains about parenting. You know, the hard moments and the meaningful moments are usually happening at the same exact time. And one day the house will probably be quiet again, a little too quiet. And we'll miss this version of life too. That's the strange thing about fatherhood. You can miss who you used to be while still loving who you became. I think that's what makes fatherhood so complicated. You can feel grateful and exhausted at the same exact time. You can miss your old life while still loving the life you have now, and honestly, I think dads, heck, even parents need to hear that. Becca and I talk about all these things all the time. Usually it occurs when things are stressful, and we do it in a jokingly manner, but at the same time you do think, okay, what would life be like if we didn't have our two amazing boys and our amazing 19-year-old? You know, we we talk about the trips we would probably go on, the memories we could have created, all those things. But at the end of the conversation, after taking a deep breath and just de-stressing, it always comes back around to this amazing life, this amazing blessing that God has given us right now. And I wouldn't trade it for anything else in the entire world. I love this crazy little chaotic life God has given me. Thank you, God. You're awesome. So if you're a dad or parent, quietly missing sleep, silence, hobbies, freedom, or just five uninterrupted minutes in the bathroom, you're not alone. And it doesn't make you ungrateful, it doesn't make you selfish, and it doesn't it definitely doesn't make you a bad father. It makes you human. And honestly, I think dads need more permission to admit this stuff out loud without being judged, because pretending fatherhood is easy helps nobody. Some days are incredible, some days are exhausting, some days are are both at the exact same time. And somehow that's parenthood. Being a good dad isn't a isn't about never struggling. It's about continuing to show up, anyways. Even tired, even overwhelmed, even missing parts of the old days. Because at the end of it all, most dads, most parents, would still choose their family every single time. Thank you guys for hanging out with me on another episode of Mostly Me Occasionally Wives. If this episode hit home for you, share it with another dad or another parent who probably needs to hear it too. And if you want to reach out, share stories, send episode ideas, you can email the show at mostlymecontact at gmail.com. And you can also follow the show on the Facebook page, Mostly Me Occasionally Wise. Until next time, they mostly you occasionally wise.