"The Unwritten Rules of Marriage"

Marriage comes with a lot of rules... the problem is nobody tells you what they are.

In Episode 15 of Mostly Me, Occasionally Wise, Brian dives into the hilarious and sometimes confusing unwritten rules of marriage. From the proper way to fold a towel and load a dishwasher to passenger seat driving and the mystery of fitted sheets, this episode explores the little things every married couple seems to argue about.

Along the way, Brian shares stories from family life, parenting chaos, and the everyday moments that make marriage both challenging and rewarding.

Whether you've been married for years, are newly married, or just enjoy hearing relatable stories about relationships and family life, this episode is packed with laughs, honesty, and a reminder that sometimes the best part of marriage is having someone to survive the chaos with.

In this episode:

• The "correct" way to fold towels
• Why dishwashers cause so many arguments
• Passenger seat driving frustrations
• Marriage after kids
• The fitted sheet conspiracy
• The little things nobody warns you about

Have an unwritten rule of marriage you've learned the hard way?

Email the show at mostlymecontact@gmail.com or join the conversation on the Mostly Me, Occasionally Wise Facebook page.

Thanks for listening, and remember to stay mostly you... and occasionally wise.

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Until next time — stay mostly you, and occasionally wise.

Transcript

0:00

Marriage has rules nobody tells you about. One day you're happily living your life, and the next day you're defending the way you fold it towels like it's a courtroom trial. And somehow every married couple argues about the exact same weird stuff. Dishwashers, thermostats, blankets, decorative pillows nobody is even allowed to touch. The longer you're married, the more the silent rules you discover. And if you break one, oh trust me, you'll know. Welcome back to Mostly Me Occasionally Wise, the podcast where we laugh at life, survive parenthood, and try to figure out things one chaotic day at a time. I'm your host, Brian, and today we're talking about the unwritten rules of marriage. Because apparently, once you get married, there are a hundred, if not thousand, little rules nobody explains beforehand. Like there's only one correct way to load the dishwasher, or how fitted sheets are somehow impossible for most men to fold. And let's not forget about how your side of the bed slowly disappears over time. And honestly, marriage is one of the funniest, weirdest, most exhausting, and best parts of life at the same time. So today we're diving into all the little relationship rules we somehow learn the hard way. And honestly, a lot of these unwritten marriage rules get even more intense once you become a parent. Because once kids enter the picture, everything changes. Communication changes, sleep changes, your definition of a relaxing night changes. So before we jump into all the marriage rules, let me tell you about something that happened this week in Dad Life Debrief. If you're new to the show, Dad Life Debrief is an opportunity for you as the listener to get to know me outside of recording the podcast. It gives you a chance to join me on my, you know, weekly adventure being a dad, a husband, a family man in general. And I just kind of talk about my week. And this week was a great week. We opened a pool recently here at the house. So we spent a lot of time in the pool because it's warm here in the south. And when I say warm, it's a humidity and a hot heat clashing together. And so it's hot, it's uncomfortably hot. We spent a lot of time in the pool. My 14-year-old son got to go camping with his grandparents and his uncle and aunt and their two kids, and he had a blast. It was an amazing opportunity for him because he loves to fish. And so he got to go do all the fishing he wanted. We got to see a picture Saturday morning, maybe Friday night, with him and a big old bass that he caught that had to have been as long as his leg. But the look on his face was just amazing, and we were loving every second of it. But the big thing this week was Becca and I were invited to go and see an ACDC cover band as a tribute band. And so we jumped on the opportunity. My 19-year-old daughter and her boyfriend offered to watch our four-year-old because the 14-year-old was gone fishing. You can't leave a four-year-old alone, obviously, in the house because everything will turn chaotic quickly. And plus, it's it's the law frowns upon it. But, anyways, we got the opportunity to go on a date and hang out with my daughter's boyfriend's parents at this ACDC concert, and we had a lot of fun. And it just felt good to just get out. We don't get to go on dates very often. A lot of our date nights are here at the house, whether it's watching a show, playing a card game, playing a board game, or just laying in the bed, cuddling, and then just going to sleep. And you kind of lose sight of what's important as far as date nights, but you also learn to adapt. And with this phase in life that we're in, we're just busy. And it's not that we don't love each other, it's not that we don't want to spend time with each other. We try to make a point in that, but we realize that it's not going to be us going on date nights every week like we used to. We're just going to have to take them when we can get them, or we try to make it here, make it happen here at home. So Saturday night was incredible. The the cover band, they called themselves Hell's Bells. They were all about ACDC so much that they dressed up as members of ACDC. You had Bill Rudd, Malcolm Young, Angus Young, Brian Johnson. They were all decked out in the costumes. And they did ACDC songs from the Bon Scott era and the Brian Johnson era. And it was just so, so much fun. And it was just finally, it was an opportunity to breathe and to just get some of that weight as a parent off your back. Because, you know, as parents, we do put a lot of weight on our on our shoulders because we want to give our kids the best life. And of course, we've covered in previous episodes about how we struggle with guilt and all these other things that comes with a parent. So Saturday night was a much needed date night. We were out until 10:30, which was big for us because we're usually in bed by 10, if not a little earlier than that, because we're old and we're tired and our body needs longer, you know, to recuperate day from the daily grind of just having a four-year-old, a 13-year-old, and a 19-year-old. But it was my first time seeing a cover band. I will say that. I've gone to see a lot of concerts, and it was interesting because were they perfect? No. They were a lot of fun, no. And these were guys that were probably older than me living their best life, playing the music that they loved. And I was just like, this is incredible. I want to do this more often. I want to go see tribute bands, cover bands, you know, local artists. I want to do all these things. And I asked Becca a question while we were eating before the show started. And you know, I had thought about this in the past. Growing up, I was a bass player in a garage band. And after that kind of fizzled out because we kind of just all went our separate ways. And my brother and I teased creating a band kind of like Tenacious D. If you're unfamiliar with Tenacious D, it's Jack Black, Kyle Gas. Look him up. Their music isn't for the the young ones. If you know anything about Jack Black, you know how loud, eccentric, just no filter he can be. But I asked my wife, if you were to be in a cover band or create a cover band of your own, who would you cover? And of course, my wife loved 90s country. And the first thing that popped up in her head was Shania Twain, which I was like, okay, you know, Shania Twain would be a lot of fun for her. She would get to dress up in the country, get up, and the cowboy boots, and you know, it would be a lot of fun for her. And she asked me the same question in return. And I had to think about it because I love all sorts of music. My mind jumped from a poison cover band, a Van Halen cover band, you know, a 90s punk rock cover band like Lit or The Offspring or Candle Box or something like that. And I was just thinking, okay, I'm getting older, so I can't run around on stage and things like that because I just don't have the body for it anymore, even though I am going to the gym as often as I do. Billy Joel crept into my mind because Billy Joel is he's chill, he's relaxed, and I was like, okay, you know, this would be the perfect cover band for me to be a part of because I could just sit on a stool or sit in a chair, love to, you know, learn to play the piano or however. And Billy Joel has a lot of songs that you can sing to because yeah, there are some faster-paced Billy Joel songs, but he is he is more of an intimate artist where he wants to get involved with the crowd, he wants the crowd to get involved with him. So, yeah, my question this week for all our listeners is if you were to be in a cover band covering an artist of your choosing, who would it be and why? Let's get into the first segment of the show. The rules every married man learns. Marriage has taught me something very important. There are certain things in this life where your opinion does not matter at all. And one of those things is folding towels. Now I have gotten better over the years, but starting out, I learned quickly that there is only one correct way to fold a towel. And I didn't even know towels had rules. I thought if it's folded and not on the floor, we won the battle. But no, there is a system, there is a method, there's probably a certification process I'm not even aware of. And somehow when I folded those towels, my wife looks at them like I had wrapped them with my feet. And of course, don't even get me started on loading the dishwasher because according to my my wife, and this is an ongoing battle, I've apparently never loaded a dishwasher correctly a single day in my life. Didn't grow up with a dishwasher, so I didn't really get the privilege of having a dishwasher until we were honestly, Becca and I were honestly married. So over the last 10 years, I have been doing it wrong. You know, I I'm in there just trying to help and fit the dishes like a puzzle game from the 90s. Meanwhile, she walks in like a kitchen engineer and she says things like, No, the bowls go here. Why don't you put the cups there? You're blocking the sprayer. I I didn't even know dishwashers had a strategy. And somehow every married couple has one person who loaded the dishwasher and one person who reloaded the dishwasher correctly, and that is Becca and I. I mean, that's marriage. You try to help, and somehow you create more work. I'll spend 10 minutes loading the dishes, feeling productive, like I've accomplished something. Then my wife walks in, starts moving everything around like she's solving a Rubik's Cube. And at that point, I just slowly back away because I value life. And I pretend like I was emotionally supportive during the process. And you know another thing marriage teaches you? You do not have a side of the bed. You may think you do, but somehow over time, your section gets smaller and smaller until you're sleeping on the edge of a hostage of the bed, like a hostage negotiator trying to not fall off the mattress. Meanwhile, she's sleeping diagonally like she she owns the property. And look, I love my wife so so much. But she is absolutely a passenger seat driver, not even aggressive, just emotionally involved in every turn I make. Watch this car. I would have gone the other way. You're kind of close to that line, ma'am. Listen here. I've been driving for 20 plus years. If we've survived this trip to Target, I'd like to take partial credit. And the wild part is passenger seat drivers always act calm while causing panic. You're good. Watch the curve, break. Oh wow. Oh wow. You can't say, oh wow, while driving, and then refuse to explain yourself. That's psychological warfare. But the most impressive thing my wife does, and this is truly impressive, is she knows how to fold a fitted sheet. To me, that's not a skill. That's that's sorcery. I've watched YouTube tutorials on this. I've tried and I've learned to accept defeat. And every time I try to fold one, it looks like I've I've fought a ghost. Meanwhile, she folds it into a perfect square like she's worked at a linen factory. And honestly, that's when you realize marriage is just accepting that your wife is naturally better at certain things, and and you're there for moral support and to carry in the groceries. Honestly, those little marriage rules get even crazier after you have kids. Because before kids, marriage feels manageable. After kids, it feels like you and your spouse are running a tiny exhausted survival team together, and somehow the chaos actually creates a whole new level of partnership. Nobody explains how much marriage changes after kids. I mean, before kids, you have conversations, after kids you communicate like exhausted Navy SEALs during a hostage situation. Everything becomes code. That child is too quiet. Why is there water on the floor? Who left a refrigerator open? Why are there candy wrappers everywhere? And trying to spend time together after becoming parents is almost impossible. Date nights become grocery store trips, or they, you know, become cuddling in the bed 30 seconds before you both passed out because you're exhausted from the chaos earlier in the day. I mean, it it's honestly at this point, walking through Target alone together without any kids feels romantic. I mean, yeah, we may be there buying things that we just don't care to buy, but it's just getting to spend time together and just talk about adult things. It it really is kind of romantic, and I know that's weird. And it's you know, there's not a whole lot of romance in marriages with kids, at least not for a while. You try to make things work here and there, but at the same time, it almost becomes like a tactical coordination because you know, at one point during the day, I may make eye contact across the room to my wife, and it's not it's not that moment where you stare at each other and you're like, uh, you know, and a romantic song, you know, comes out and starts playing over, you know, the airways. It's it's more like exhausted soldiers surviving another mission. And honestly, that that's counted bonding. And and another thing, silence becomes terrifying. Before kids, silence was peaceful, it was calm, and you were like, ugh. Now, if the house gets quiet for more than 30 seconds, you panic because somebody's drawing on a wall or feeding cheese to the dog or climbing furniture they're absolutely not supposed to be climbing. Kids are never quiet for good reasons. You know, adults hear science, you know, adults hear silence and think peaceful, calm, collected. There's a there's it's almost like a home feel to it. Parents hear silence and think, what's broken? Because if your house gets too quiet, somebody is either coloring furniture, which we've had happen, or a tempting science experiments with toothpaste, which is also something that has occurred. Parenting together turns marriage into survival mode sometimes, but weirdly, it also makes you appreciate each other more because nobody understands your exhaustion better than the person surviving it with you. And as exhausting as all of that can be, it also makes you realize something important. A lot of the best parts of marriage aren't the big romantic movie moments people talk about. It's the small everyday stuff, the teamwork, the routine, the feeling of having someone beside you through all the chaos. And honestly, nobody really explains that part enough. Nobody warns you that marriage isn't really about the big moments, it's about the tiny everyday stuff, the inside jokes no one else understands, the random conversations in the kitchen at midnight, the little routines you accidentally create together, and over time your spouse becomes your safest person. Not perfect, not magical, just familiar, comfortable, home. And I think that's the part nobody explains when you first get married. Love changes. At first it's excitement and butterflies, and yes, there are moments throughout your marriage that that happens, but later it becomes more about teamwork, especially if you have kids. It becomes it becomes about sitting on the couch exhausted together after a long day and somehow still choosing each other. It's it's become it becomes knowing somebody so well that you can communicate one look across a room full of screaming kids, and that other person knows what you're thinking. That's the real relationship stuff nobody talks about enough. And honestly, to me, that's the stuff that matters the most. Not the fancy dates, not the social media social goals. It's it's it's having somebody there during the exhausting days, somebody who knows your stress before you can even say a word, somebody who still chooses you, even after seeing how you love the dishwasher or how you fold how you fold the towels. That to me, that's real love right there. Because eventually marriage stops being about trying to impress each other and starts becoming how did we survive this week without losing our mind? Honestly, that's the kind of love that feels more real, anyways. And I think that's why so many of these little marriage moments stick with us. Because underneath all of the joking and chaos, there's something really meaningful about building a life with somebody. So before we wrap this this episode up, I want to say this marriage is weird, it's hilarious, it's frustrating, it's exhausting, chaotic, it's all the things, and somehow it's still one of the best things in life. Even with the passenger seat driving, even with the fitted sheets, magical mystery, whatever that is, I'm still trying to figure that one out. And even with the fact that I fold, you know, I fold towels like a raccoon, at the end of the day, having someone go through all the chaos with me, that's a pretty incredible thing. Thank you guys for hanging out with me on this episode of Mostly Me Occasionally Wise. If you've enjoyed the episode, make sure you follow the podcast, share it with someone who's married, dating, or currently arguing about the dishwasher. And come and hang out with us on the Mostly Me Occasely Wise Facebook page. You can also email the show at mostlymecontact at gmail.com. I would love to hear your stories, episode ideas, your your own unwritten rules of marriage. And yes, I still want to know if you were to start a cover band, who would you cover and why? So with all of these things said, just remember to stay mostly you, occasionally wise, yes.