Fannying Around

Season 2 Episode 1- Fannying Around with Sarah

• Everything’s Rosy • Season 2 • Episode 1

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Welcome back to Fannying Around... Season 2

This week we're kicking off with a cracker! Our guest is Sarah. She's 52, works in the NHS, raised her son as a single mum and spent years putting everyone else first before deciding it might finally be time to put herself back out there.  

What followed was a journey into the wonderful world of online dating.

And by wonderful, we mean being catfished by a man who claimed to be 5ft 11, receiving more unsolicited photos than anyone could possibly need, navigating married men masquerading as single, and placing a Deliveroo order containing condoms, lube, a loaf of bread and a pint of milk... just to make it look less suspicious.

But beneath the laughter and Tinder horror stories is something much more powerful.

Sarah talks openly about how perimenopause affected her confidence, her anxiety and her sense of self, how HRT helped her feel like herself again, and why she now feels more confident in her 50s than she ever did in her 20s.

This is a story about second chances, friendship, resilience, finding your spark again and proving that life doesn't stop at 50.

So whether you're happily coupled up, newly single, dating, not dating, or simply here for the stories, settle in.

Let's Fanny Around with Sarah!

Fanny Around with us! We'd love to hear your story

SPEAKER_02

This episode is supported by the Women's Health Clinic. At the Women's Health Clinic, you'll be seen by our accredited menopause specialists, working to the latest international clinical guidance. We believe that knowledge is power. When you understand what's changing in your body and why, you can make decisions with clarity and confidence and feel back in control of your health. We really take the time to listen to your symptoms using evidence-based assessment and testing where appropriate and explain what's happening in a way that actually makes sense. From there, we support women to explore all effective treatment options, including prescriptions when needed. Our aim is simple to optimise women's health care wherever you are. No funnying around. Find out more at thewomen's Healthclinic.eu.

SPEAKER_01

Welcome back to Fannying Around season two, then. And it's wonderful to have you here, fellow fanniers. This week we're talking dating, divorce, confidence, perimenopause, menopause, and why every woman should probably have a trusted group of friends on a WhatsApp chat before downloading Tinder. Yes, our guest is Sarah. She's 52, works in the NHS, raised her son as a single mum, and spent years of putting everyone else first before deciding it might finally be time to put herself back out there. What followed was a journey into the wonderful world of online dating. And by wonderful, we mean being catfished by a man who claimed to be 5'11, receiving more unsolicited photos than anybody could possibly need at 2am in the morning, navigating married men, masquerading as single, and placing a delivery order containing condoms, lube, a loaf of bread and a pint of milk just to make it look a little less suspicious. It's a brilliant episode. But beneath the laughter and the Tinder horror stories is something much more powerful. Sarah talks openly about how menopause affected her confidence, her anxiety and her sense of self. How HRT has helped her feel like herself again, and why she now feels more confident in her 50s than she ever did in her 20s. This is a story about second chances, friendship, resilience, finding your spark again, and proving that life doesn't stop at 50. It's just actually getting started. So whether you're happily coupled up, newly single, dating, not dating, or simply here for the stories, settle in. Let's funny around with Sarah. But Sarah messaged me this morning. She was like, I don't think I'm gonna be able to use my real name. Are we gonna have to go like witness protection style and get you one of those little noses with the mustache and alter your voice?

SPEAKER_00

I don't know. I was just thinking, I'm gonna I'm gonna be on a podcast speaking about what I get up to for. Am I gonna be employed? Am I still gonna be employee tomorrow?

SPEAKER_02

It is great. It is great. I can't I'm just so pleased that we managed to persuade you to come and talk to us. So when we reached out to to see, you know, if we could find anyone else that was brave enough to talk to us, and you said, Well, I don't know whether it's appropriate, but I can talk to you. Well, my answer was it's always appropriate, Sarah. And then me and Rose have received a bullying campaign to get you on fannying around, and here you are.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, well, do you know my friends have been telling me to do something like this for ages? They said you need a podcast or you need to start vlogging about Tinder and all these dating apps, and and I've always been too scared to do it, but you you've given me that push, and why not? Like, girl power, let's do it.

SPEAKER_01

Let's do it. I mean, where do we start then? I suppose we start with a little bit about you, Sarah. How old are you, kids? Work. Tell us a little bit about you.

SPEAKER_00

Right. Well, I'm 52. I was 52 in March. Um, I've got a 19-year-old son. Um, I've been separated, not divorced yet, but that's gonna come. Separated for 14 years. Um, so 10 of those years completely single was quite actually quite traumatized. I was like, I don't that's no, I I'm not ever going through that ever again. And it and it knocks your confidence as well, I think. You know, it it you know, somebody cheats on you and it it does knock your confidence. So and I just concentrated on bringing Harry up, really. You know, he was my my main concern and just just sort of plowed everything into to looking after him and bringing him up and trying to run a house, working two jobs at the time. Um, so yeah, I worked in the NHS for 28 years for my sins. When'd you get your medal, Sarah?

SPEAKER_02

Where do I what can you say? When do you get your medal from the NHS? You deserve it. Tiny little badge.

SPEAKER_01

Tiny little badge, tiny little badge. Get this woman a medal. Um, let's start with hormones then, as this is what we're kind of supposed to talk about on the podcast, but we do need to go down the dating route um very soon. In terms of hormones, then perimenopause, menopause, how are you at the moment?

SPEAKER_00

So, oh yeah, alright. I think I've I've started I emailed Katie um a little while ago, didn't I, Katie? About HRT and I was just starting on this journey. Yeah, that was a few years ago, I think. Quite a few years ago now. Um, and it took a bit of jigging around. I was on sort of tablets and stuff, and none of it sort of seemed to work. And I was just getting really bad anxiety, um, joint, just all the symptoms, just everything, like anxiety, joint pain, just not feeling right, just feeling absolutely awful. And I just did put it down to sort of struggling with the house, struggling with being a mum on my own. And then people kept saying to me, Do you think this is a menopause? Do you think this is perimenopause? And I was like, No, no, no, no, absolutely not. I'm not, no. And then I thought, well, actually, it probably is. Um, so I've been on the HRT patch for a couple of years now, and I literally can't rate it enough. It's I think it's just it's given me a bit of a zest for life. I've joined the gym, started healthy eating, out there on the dating scene, which I never would have done. And I think a lot of that is yeah, through the HRC. I think I think my mind was just a little bit of a mess, really.

SPEAKER_02

Um isn't it like so so many women and I I feel like I say this all the time, but women come and see me in the in my in the clinic, and they'll say, Oh, well, you know, I don't know whether it is my hormones, or it could be the fact that you know I'm getting divorced, or I've got a teenager, or I've got a parent, or you know, I've got stress. And actually, there's you know, life is just full of all of that crap, isn't it? And and actually it's really hard to work out am I anxious because there's stuff to be anxious about, or am I anxious because I'm perimenopausal.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, yeah. And I still feel you know, I still do get like we all do, we get anxious about the home life and work life things, but I think since being on the HRT, I I can manage it, it feels manageable. Whereas at the time I it didn't, I I just felt like I was sort of losing, just losing control a little bit, and just I didn't want to go out, I didn't really want to see anybody. I felt I'd look in the mirror and think, oh god, who is this like woman? She's put away, she's like miserable, and and that's not me. I think you know, I've known like Katie, I've known you a long time. I've always had a quite a zest for life and always been a bit of fun, but I was yeah, for a a few years, I think, it it affected me.

SPEAKER_01

So we're gonna fast forward to the good bit. Um, you separated from your partner 14 years ago, had a rough ride, teenage son, single mum, juggling two jobs as well as hitting menopause. Flat as a pancake, as we've just discovered. But you sorted out your HRT, and then we get this vivacious Sarah that appears in front of us right now, who, in her own words, has completed Tinder.

SPEAKER_00

Well, where do we start? Friends had actually been on to me for quite a long time about come on, Sarah, like get get back out there. You need to start, you know, just get yourself out there, just get get dating. I've got amazing friends. I'm so blessed. I have got the best, best bunch of friends. But it's not quite the same as having a man friend, is it? So it's not, you know, I'm that little bit of icandy. So I was come on, get on a dating app. I was like, no, that's hideous. I cannot, I I'm not putting, I'm not doing it. No, no, no. And then I turned 50 and I thought, do you know what? Let's just have a little look. Yeah. There's nothing wrong with a little bit of window shopping. Let's just see. Let's just see what's out there. So I did.

SPEAKER_01

So start at the beginning then, Sarah. Um, you're quite tech savvy. Did you set yourself up? Did you take your pictures? Because there'll be a lot of ladies listening to this, thinking, God, I'd love to do that, but but where do I start?

SPEAKER_00

So I I I only knew of really of Tinder. I thought I well, I've only heard of Tinder, so let's go on Tinder, although apparently Tinder's not the best one.

SPEAKER_01

I think it depends what you're after, Sarah.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, it does. Yeah, and at the time Tinder was fine. So yeah, set myself up on Tinder, took the pictures, put a little bit of a history in. Um, and then you you know you start doing the old swipey, the swipey thing. Oh, okay. And now I actually at one point I didn't realise I had to set an age limit.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, crack you. A bit of a cougar, were you Sarah?

SPEAKER_00

Well, I was getting from 18 up into a hundred. Read that net wide. Gotta catch them all. A bit too white, that is. So I was thinking, what's going on? When we get these really young guys, and then you know, somebody somebody on the zimmer frame, like what's good, what's going on? Yeah, I think I did, I figured out the age limit, and that's why so I think I set from about 35 to 60. So I thought that that's that's okay. That's okay.

SPEAKER_03

That's fine, right?

SPEAKER_00

And that was friends telling me, Aim that you've got a very young young um mind server, you know, set it, set it low. But I mean, 18 was a little bit low. I didn't want to have piece meeting up with any of Harry's friends or anything. That would have been a good set.

SPEAKER_01

I mean, the dating sites, they are good fun, aren't they? Um you know, you have a glass of wine in the evening when you're on your own and you have a little look through, and you think, oh, maybe, and it's all good fun until that point where you actually have to meet a real life person. And it's really difficult if you've been on your own for a while, and you're quite happy just sitting in with the dog and watching a bit of telly and just using sort of Tinder for amusement. So, how was that first date? That first time when you had to really put yourself out there.

SPEAKER_00

I can't really remember too much about the first one because there's been quite a lot. But the very first one, I remember he was a bold guy, tattoos, that's my sort of thing. I like him, you know, a little bit, little bit, you know, rough around the edges. I thought, oh, he looks quite nice. I do like a taller guy. I was married to a short guy for years, and I think that's quite you know, that's traumatized me a little bit, so I don't want I'm not for short men. So the tall remember, I remember he was said he was five foot eleven. So I took up to meet this guy, arranged to meet him. We've been chatting for a couple of weeks, arranged to meet him in town for a drink. Terrified, I was absolutely like glammed right up, but I thought I can't do it, I can't do this, I can't do it. And I but I did, I did. With the support of friends, off I went and met this guy. So then I was stood outside this gym waiting to meet this, meet this guy, and this chap was walking towards me, waving, like, and I was waving back, and I'm thinking that can't be him, that can't be him. He's he's not a five foot eleven. Surely that's that's not him. Well, he turned up and he was smaller than me, and I'm five foot four. He's a hobbit. It was probably what was gonna happen. Well, I don't I felt like I was out with an umpa lumpa.

SPEAKER_01

It was I was I don't think that's the lies if they're not gonna get found out.

SPEAKER_00

I was messaging my friend as he was approaching me, he's really short. She was saying, run, run. I said, I can't run, he's he's seen me, he's waving at me, he's running, he's like coming towards me. I don't know what to do. There's nowhere to run. So I did go. I went for a drink with this guy, but it it no, I can't, I just not short man. Not short man, and he was even struggling to sit up on the bar store in the pub. I thought I was gonna have to I thought I was gonna have to pick him up at one point and pop him on the pop him on the bar store. Get him a cushion.

SPEAKER_02

I feel like it's either you know really high level deception or really high level stupidity, isn't it? Like what why do you think that's through? You know, everyone's gonna know you're not five foot eleven if you're only five foot three.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. I thought, what is but do you know actually he was he was he would he was alright actually, wasn't a bad guy, spent the whole two hours talking about his ex-wife, which was another thing that was quite quite off putting. So yeah, we we I said thank you very much. We parted ways, and that was that was the first one gone. That yeah, yeah, that was that was that done.

SPEAKER_01

What do we want to know, Katie? Should we go for the best or the worst next?

SPEAKER_02

I want to know everything. I want to know. So, how did you feel after their Sarah? Were you like, no, stop this, I'm not doing it, or did you just get it back on?

SPEAKER_00

No, I thought great back on. I won't waste any time. I was like, come on, let's let's we've done it now. And I actually felt I actually felt really proud I'd done it. Yeah, I actually I thought I've actually done it. That's a first date with a guy I've had for like or interactions with any guys for like 12 years. Yeah, so I was I was uh proud of myself that I'd done it. And I went home and started swiping again, and off she went, off we went, off we went again, and then what happened?

SPEAKER_02

So I think I want to know what is, and I'm not I mean, I think I try not to make the area really obvious, but I want to know what what is the the pool of men, what's the talent like, Sarah? What are we looking at? Are they you know what are men in their 50s like?

SPEAKER_00

Filfree, some of them. Filthy. Some of some of the videos and the pictures you get sent. What just as a word just as a hello? Well, you you know, you start chatting and you think, oh, they they seem yeah, they seem quite nice. That's okay. You're chatting for a few days, a couple of weeks, or whatever. Should we swap phone numbers? Yeah, should we just carry this on on WhatsApp? I've been woken up at two o'clock in the morning with the phone pinging, and somebody sent a picture of what of their old chap I was gonna say no, Brigine, but yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll take a picture.

SPEAKER_01

Now I'm speaking for myself here. Um I'm I'm heterosexual. I find men attractive, but there's never really been a time in my life where I've been chatting to a man, even if I really fancy him, where I thought, you know what, I'd really like a picture of his penis. I can only speak for myself being in a heterosexual relationship. But you know, me and my boyfriend, we used to send each other pictures, you know, when we weren't together, um, or we were together, but not living together. But I I think men like the female form and appreciate a picture of the female form a lot more than women. And there could be women screaming into their headphones or at the speakers now, but what what are you saying? I I mean I it's not for me, really. They're not really attractive things, are they, penis?

SPEAKER_00

Absolutely not. I don't want to wake up at two o'clock in the morning and see that swinging around in the breeze. That's not swinging around in the breeze. I don't want and videoed one guy actually sent me a video, which I actually did forward some of my friends because I was like, You've got a you have got to what look at this. This is so again we've been talking, and he sent me this video early in the morning. It was I I think I must have had a day off, and I thought, what on earth is this? And he he was a painter and decorator, he was in somebody's house painting and decorating, and he sent me a video of him having a wank in somebody's house. In some yeah, he was, he he really was.

SPEAKER_01

I I'm really interested. So how how does it lead up to that? Because it did you just assume, or did you ask for that, or did you give any sort of encouragement to send that? Or do you think he just went to work and he thought, I know what she'll like, I know what she'll like.

SPEAKER_00

I mean, some you know, I I'm I'm not prude, and I think if you're in if you're seeing somebody and it gets a bit flurry and you want to send messages and pictures, oh yeah, that's that's brilliant, you know what I mean? Let's yeah, come on, let's do it. But someone you've never met, so and I and I state now from the beginning. Look, when I'm swipe with these guys, if you're gonna send me dick pics or videos of you pleasure in yourself or whatever, you're automatically gonna get deleted now because I've got a folder full of that stuff on my phone. I don't want that, I don't want anything else. That's an automatic plan.

SPEAKER_02

I wonder how many other women have also got folders full of penises on their phone.

SPEAKER_00

And then they asked for something back. Well, can you send something back? They want a picture of your penis. I usually just send them a picture of my cat, to be honest, and say, here's a picture of the pussy. Here's a picture of the pussy. Is that what you want? So Frank Frank the cat gets a mention now.

SPEAKER_01

I think it it it's it is hard, and back to the the point before we go on to more of your stories, we need we need to hear them all, Sarah. But I think sometimes sometimes you can be in the mood for online dating, and yeah, like I've described, you get home and you get a glass of wine, and you you're quite in good spirits and you can take it in really good spirits. But sometimes, especially if you've got friends that are in relationships or it can be quite soul destroying, can't it? Where you just think, oh god, is this all that's left? You know, a hobbit sending me videos of himself wanking. Like it can, it can, it can make you well, it certainly did me when I was on the dating scene, it can make you sometimes feel worse and and send you a little bit backwards and you think, oh do you know what? You know, like you said, hang out with my cat. I'd rather just not bother with that. Um Do you think, you know, there's been this sort of term coin for you know the cat ladies of this world? Do you think that's women that have just gone, do you know what, sod that? I don't need a man, and and and have just thought, I'm I'm actually better off on my own. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, and I've got friends that have been online dating and they're they they think that now. They're like, I'm just not I'm I'm just not doing this. But I just think you can't just I think you've just got to filter out those bad ones. And in the beginning, I was a little bit, I was getting a little bit disheartened because you know you have the old ghosting thing as well. You you'd be messaging somebody and then you get up in the morning and they've completely ignored you. And I and I did for a little while, I did take it to heart. I was like, oh well, what have I done? Or like why is this, you know, why has this happened? But I think the you know, the last sort of six months, I'm more like, do you know what? Whatever. Like you've got to you've got to be a little bit, you have got a little be a little bit hard to it, and not kind of take it to heart really. And I just think, well, they weren't for me, whatever, move on. Next one. It's I think you just got to keep going. And I've got a lot of friends that have met that have met their partners and husbands on dating apps as well. And they're, you know, they they're brilliant. They're in really happy marriages and relationships. So it's not it's not all doom and gloom. It's just filtering out the yeah, the bad ones.

SPEAKER_02

And what role, Sarah, do you think? So could you is this that you would have felt confident doing in your 20s? And and if so, so do you think that actually having that kind of 10-year feeling, you know, kind of getting over everything that happened? And also into perianopause, do you think that your hormones and having your HRT or your hormones back now have kind of enabled you to live life as you would have in your 20s? Or is this something entirely new to you?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I I feel I've more confidence now than when I was in my 20s. Definitely. I've I've definitely but I that's only I suppose the last sort of few years, but I've yeah, I definitely feel more confident now as a as a 52-year-old woman. I I'm I think I'm less tolerant to sort of bullshit as well, to be honest. And I'm just out there. If you like me, you like me. If you don't, you don't. I know I'm a good person. I've not got anything to prove.

SPEAKER_01

I think we um we spoke only last episode about as your estrogen drops, your tolerance for you know, twaddle drops as well. You know, you just think, and I think you know yourself a lot better. And and and I was used to look at these people that hit the 30s and the 40s, and they say, Oh, you get better with age, you know, life gets better. But actually, and you know, we've touched upon this with the podcast, when you hit this point in life, this time in life, it is uh it you you can um we've we've called it almost a rebirth because you can embrace it and go, Well, I know myself a lot better. I've actually got nothing to lose. Um, I'm you know, my kids have grown up in your case, got a career, and it's that second part of your life where you think, yeah, I'm gonna smash this, you know. It's having that it's getting sort of and having that confidence, and like you say, you know, just getting yourself out there, and then once you've done it once, you've done it twice, and you can carry on and and growing in confidence. So we want more, Sarah. Where where where are we up to now then? Have we had any particularly bad dates or particularly good ones? We want the good, the bad, and the ugly.

SPEAKER_00

We've done the ugly with the painting and decorating, man. That was that was uh an ugly experience. Um my friends are gonna laugh now when they listen to this, so they know that this store is coming. So I did match with a guy. We were talking for yeah, a couple of weeks. He was stunning, absolutely stunning, a big beefcake, tattooed guy, funny, the gift of the gap. We FaceTimed, we spoke, and then I sorry for anybody listening, you're gonna hear the story again. I hopped on a train and went and met this trucker guy. I won't say his name, but I went and met this because everybody knows he has went and met this trucker guy. He picked me up from the train station and this Lori. Not that I can don't go knock with strange men, don't do it. My friends have got me on a tracker, by the way, so they could see what I was doing. Um, and I ended up in a hotel, this gorgeous, gorgeous man. And you know, look your faces, I love your face.

SPEAKER_02

Sarah, I am literally living vicariously. I'm there, I'm in the hotel with you.

SPEAKER_00

And I've got to be honest, it was the best sex I have ever had in my entire life. Amazing. It was. I thought I am not letting this man go. I I I have I have I don't know, I actually don't know what happened to me that day. I was must have been like proper ferrol that day. But the funny thing was, I thought I'm gonna have to take condoms and stuff. So I done a delivery order before I went to meet him because I didn't want to go to the shop to buy them because I was too embarrassed. So I delivered some condoms and some lube, and then I chucked in a loaf of bread and a pint of milk just to make it look less you know suspicious. And the little guy turned up on his moped and delivered it to me. It was fine.

SPEAKER_01

That is that. Oh my stomach hurts. So what happened to this guy? Didn't you know? Not really, no.

SPEAKER_00

No, I mean we had we had literally had the best uh I'm saying no, but I don't know. It's a it's it I can I explain it. It it was it was just like he said, it was just the best sex ever, and then we sort of parted company the next day. But we we spoke a lot that night as well. He'd been in the army, um, he left the army on medical grounds when he left the army, lost his mum, he had a lot of like trauma all around that and everything. He would show me pictures of his phone of what he was like, like when he left the army, put on a lot of weight, he was drinking a lot, and he he can basically completely switched his life around this guy. He thought, I'm in a rut, I've got to sort of sort myself out a little bit. And he he actually gave me confidence in a weird way. I felt quite liberated that I've done this, and I thought, oh my god, perhaps you know, somebody does fantasy me. And like this, yeah, I don't know. It just gave me a real big confidence boost. Real big confidence boost. But no, he sort of it it he he lived in North Wales, it would have it, it just wouldn't have really gone anywhere. I think he was I think he was just after a one-night stand, really, and it suited me at the time.

SPEAKER_01

It was there's that saying, isn't there? Reason, season, lifetime. People come into our lives for that amount of time that they're meant to. So this big burly trucker man, he was just your nighttime man. That was his point in time, and it seemed to work for the both of you.

SPEAKER_02

And what what so I I love that because so my favourite question in my consultations, one of my favourite questions, is how's your Libya? And because you never know what people are gonna say. And actually, I've asked 88-year-olds, I ask everyone the same question 88, 58, 48, 38, and you would be so surprised. I think quite a lot of the women I talk to, especially at the beginning of their kind of perimenopause journey, their equity isn't optimised. They kind of say it like, oh no, we don't do that. Oh no, no, no, no, no, no. And I think the idea that actually you can still have the best sex ever in perimenopause is really cool. And I think you know, I've probably got 88-year-old patients, as I said, that would totally agree with that. And I think it's it's about it's about the whole thing, isn't it, with perimenopause and menopause? Is you know, keep your expectations high. We're not all, you know, gonna dry up and feel like rubbish.

SPEAKER_00

And I think that's what people think, isn't it? You get to a you get to a certain age and oh you're in you're you know you're in your 50s and you're online dating and you're going off and meeting men and doing that. Why not? It doesn't stop when you're a certain age. Why is there this this you know why why do people not everyone, but why do a lot of people think like that? You're a certain age and it's got to stop there. I I know we all want to be loved, we all want to be desired, we all want to be wanted by somebody. It shouldn't stop. It doesn't it doesn't stop when you get to a certain age.

SPEAKER_01

Was your libido affected by your hormones, Sarah? Was there any time where you thought, oh I'm just not gonna bother with sex anymore?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, yeah, I think, yeah, I think it was. I think when I started sort of through the perimenopause, yeah, it definitely yeah, well, I I I couldn't have imagined being, you know, I still would be out and looked at many thoughts, oh he's nice, he's nice, but then that's as far as it, you know. I was like, oh no, I don't want another man near me. I don't know, I'm not interested. But then yeah, I'm just I'm just blaming it on the HRT, really. I think it's made me feral, to be quite honest.

SPEAKER_01

Periferal, that's what we're calling it.

SPEAKER_00

Periferal, absolutely.

SPEAKER_02

Don't don't say that, Sarah. We'll sell out.

SPEAKER_01

So, what does life look like at the moment then, Sarah? Are you still on the dating scene? Are you still peripheral? Um, free, single, ready to mingle?

SPEAKER_00

I'm still on the dating scene. I've had yeah, I did actually meet an army guy as well from online dating, and we actually dated for a few months. Me and me and this guy in that sergeant in the army. I was going off to the barracks every weekend and having a great time, and then his not so ex-wife popped up. Oh, so yeah, that went a little bit wrong as well. So that was a yeah, so I did come, I did actually come off of it for a little bit then because I was I was a little bit traumatised by that one.

SPEAKER_02

Uh can you how many details about that feature, Sarah?

SPEAKER_00

So well, I met him on Bumble. So I met this got this army guy on Bumble, he came to Bristol. We went on a few dates, and it I was, I was seeing quite a lot of him. Yeah, and I just said I was sort of packing up my backpack and off I was going to the the army barracks partying with the soldiers. I mean, it was great, it was it was brilliant. Um, and then yeah, I had a a message come through one afternoon. Um, I think you're sleeping with my husband. Oh Christ. Yeah, and I was like, I think I have, and then she sent me a picture. I was like, oh yeah, yeah, I am, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

That was it. But you've been that person you said at the start of the podcast, you know, you were cheated on, and how that made you feel. How did that moment, you know, and I think I had absolutely admire you, and I we've been laughing, and and your courage and you know, getting back out there. Did did that sort of put you off? Did that have an effect on you? How how did you feel after that happened?

SPEAKER_00

Oh, I I was yeah, I I was right I was upset for his wife. I thought it was just we actually had a uh hour and 20 minute conversation on the phone, me and his wife. Wow. She was apologizing to me, Sarah. I'm so sorry he's done this to you. I was like, Why are you apologizing to me? Um I'm only a few months in, you're married. But he'd lied about his children, said that he taught me he had one daughter, he actually got had three children, and I basically told her like everything that had happened. I sent her pictures of us together and and all sorts of things, and then I tried contacting him after to speak to him about it, but he completely just completely ignored me.

SPEAKER_01

Aren't women amazing? I love the fact that his wife has rung Sarah and they've had like you know a chat about it and almost you hear that a lot, don't you?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, we we um yeah, we had a really good comment. And she she did actually say it's not the first, it's not the first time he's done it.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, it's so sad, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. She, you know, uh hopefully Sarah, she'll just leave him and that'll be that.

SPEAKER_00

But you'd like to, yeah, I'd like to think so. And I did say that. I said if it you know he's he's sort of condu spoke for it. You just need to. I mean, she was she did I think the thing is it was easy for him to do. He was in the army, he was a Fijian guy, his wife was back in Fiji.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

So I just think it was you know easy for him to get away. But he had actually told me as well that before me he'd been dating a female soldier in the army the previous year, and the only reason that they'd split up is because she'd been posted somewhere else. So I told his wife like literally all of this. I sent her a screenshot of his bumble profile. He's got himself on dating apps.

SPEAKER_01

Here's a question for you, Sarah, then. Um, I mean, we've dated before the um before the apps, before it was all online, you know, old-fashioned go and meet someone for a drink or bump into someone in a club. Do you think that the way that um we're treated and how we treat each other um and our attitudes to relationships have changed because of the throwaway nature of these apps and the swipe? And you hear a lot, it my my question comes from from the experience you've just been through of men, you know, looking for a bit on the side and this sort of you know, attitude towards each other. It it's easier to behave like that when it's online and it's just on an app, you know, it's like just playing a game or almost.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, yeah. I just think you're kind of disposable, really. You're okay to talk, not you know, not everybody, not everybody's the same on these apps, but I just think you're a little bit disposable. You'll be talking to a guy, and I think it's almost like, oh, you know, she's okay. I'll keep talking to her until they think somebody better comes along, and then you're pushed away, then they start talking to somebody else. So I think you are, yeah, you are a little bit dispersed. I think you've got to be quite not thick skinned, but you've yeah, you've got to be prepared to be let down by a lot of these a lot of these guys on the apps because you are disposable. You that I think a lot of them are looking for perfect, and none of us are, and none of us are none of us are perfect.

SPEAKER_02

No, but I love the fact, I love that you've got more confidence now than you did when you're in your twenties. I love it. That's how I feel, Sarah. I feel like in my season, you know, I I really I feel like I was lucky because when I hit perimenopause, I'm staying in well, I'm perimenopausal, but I I got myself XRT pretty quickly, but even that short, that you know, probably about a year and a half feeling treatment, really knocked my confidence. And actually, I think those points, my god, how am I ever gonna feel you know, as good as I did? Now at 41, I think bloody hell. I probably could have married better, actually.

SPEAKER_00

I just you know, not everybody's but I've had I've actually met some really nice guys. I've been on some really nice dates and met some really nice guys that but they you know they just weren't they just weren't for me, but they weren't you know horrible, horrible guys. They were they were they were nice guys, but just you just got that just wasn't that connection there. But yeah, I'm gonna keep going. I'm not gonna stop.

SPEAKER_01

No, definitely don't. I mean, like Katie says, we are living our life vicariously through you, and um I hope that Sarah is gonna be our first fanny around wedding. Can you imagine that?

SPEAKER_00

I've got to get divorced first.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, yeah, that's more matter as well. Sarah, what does Harry think of his mum on Tinder? That was just gonna be my question. Yeah, what does Harry, your son, think to all of this?

SPEAKER_00

Um, right, so when I so obviously I joined these apps a couple a couple of years ago now, so I just dropped it into a conversation. Well, I said, Oh, you know, I've joined a joined Tinder here, a couple of dating apps. Oh my god, oh my god, have you really? I don't want to hear about that, mum. Enjoy yourself, have a nice time, but I don't want to know about it. But he's not a silly boy, you know. I've gone out on a few dates and I've sent him the message, uh, lock up tonight, mate. I'm not gonna be home. See you in the morning. Stay, stay in, stay in air, friends. He's like, Yeah, okay, mum.

SPEAKER_01

I love it. I'm really curious. Where where do young people date now then? Are are they really genuine 18-year-olds on the apps or do they do something else?

SPEAKER_00

I don't know. I don't know. He he's just started seeing a girl, but um is someone that he's known for a little while. So I don't I I do know I honestly don't know. I couldn't tell you. Maybe I should put that age back down to 18 and I could I could get back to let you know.

SPEAKER_01

Data collection. Yeah, you can be a cougar in the name of market research.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, brilliant. Love this, Sarah. I've really enjoyed it, and I really hope, like I said, like I really hope that women that are listening to it who are either, you know, single or perhaps not single and actually in a really long, happy relationship but don't have a libido and are thinking, oh well, that bit's done. I hope and I'm sure it will be inspiring and will, you know, get them to either get their hormones started so they can get the libido back or on Tinder, do something about it. Yeah, because it's all to play for.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I think, yeah, definitely. And just go out there, just be can be completely. I think you just gotta be completely open-minded, just go with the flow and don't write off 50-year-old women because we've we've got a we've got a lot to give us 50-year-old women. A lot to give.

SPEAKER_01

Sarah, I was gonna I think we should do your tips for dating or going on Tinder, so go into it with an open mind. Make sure you set your age range. Yeah. When you go out on a date, tracker.

SPEAKER_00

Definitely on the tracker and let friends know where you are, definitely.

SPEAKER_01

Get on the delivery beforehand. Delivery, condoms and lube, absolutely. Any bread or milk you might need, optional.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Any snacks you want to take with you, you know. Little halftime treat, get the Pringles out.

SPEAKER_01

Pack a spare of a pair of knickers just in case.

SPEAKER_00

Just in case.

SPEAKER_01

And any if it does go wrong, at least you've got some good content for your mates.

SPEAKER_00

Absolutely, yeah. It's it's definitely kept my workmates going, I'll tell you. They love coming on break with me. As soon as I say, right, I'm going for a break. Or can I go for a break with Sarah? Because we're swiping, we're just swiping away.

SPEAKER_01

Sarah, I feel like we need you on every month just to update us.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, absolutely. Well, I'm talking to a scaffold, a Welsh scaffolder at the minute.

SPEAKER_01

Oh my goodness, there's got to be a joke about an erection there somewhere.

SPEAKER_02

There's too many euphemisms, there's too many euphemisms there, isn't there? I can't cope.

SPEAKER_01

I can't cope either. I mean, my stomach is actually hurting from laughing. Sarah, it's been an absolute joy. Um, one final question that we ask everybody that comes on the podcast. If you could give, if you could have a chat to a young 20-year-old Sarah and give her a bit of advice, a few pearls of wisdom, what would you tell her?

SPEAKER_00

Just live your bloody life, have fun, enjoy yourself, do what the hell you want. Within reason, keep yourself safe. Life short. Get out there and just just do what you like. Enjoy yourself, girl. Go for it. I love it. Thank you for having me on, and yeah, I'll let you know. Maybe we could have a little second part and I can update you with some more.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, well, you've said it now. Absolutely. Listen, Sarah, we'll take you up on that. Consider yourself a regular. Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_00

Okay, definitely. You let me know, got my number.

SPEAKER_02

This episode of Fannying Around is supported by Clearboost, a women's health supplement range I created after years of working in clinic and seeing how confused and overwhelmed women felt by supplements. Each product is designed to support the symptoms that I see most often. Hormone changes, low energy, poor sleep, low mood, and stress. Using ingredients chosen for their specific roles in hormone regulation, energy production, and nervous system support. The idea was to replace long random supplement lists with a small number of targeted formulas so women know what they're taking and why. Find out more at clearboost.eu.

SPEAKER_01

Where do we start with Sarah? Where do we start?

SPEAKER_02

Do you know what? I I used to bloody love working with Sarah, and she says that before trying to go on her break, I used to want to go on the break with Sarah. She's so great. And do you know what was really lovely? I when I worked with Sarah, so this is before I had my kids, and before parameters, before anything like that, and uh she was so vivacious and full of life, and like the person that you know everyone wanted to hang out with, and always had a funny story, you know, always working with Sarah was um really good fun. And I think that I you know who was kind of in the depth. Of perimenopause and with the anxiety and not wanting to go out. But I imagine for her mates that was really sad because the change has been huge. And I think, God, thank God, thank God for HRT. And thank God that she, you know, knew enough to be able to say, right, enough's enough.

SPEAKER_01

I think a big part of it as well was the relationship that ended and how it ended. And that can take a hell of a long time to you know work through, especially if you've got children and her little boy. I think she said he was six at the time. And with that, having the pressures of earning, she said she was doing two jobs. So I think as well as you know, adding menopause into the mix, she had a lot on. She had a lot to deal with as a woman. And I would take a guess that she probably didn't even have time to think about a man, um, and have time to even contemplate that other element of her life. And then when she did, you know, yeah, shit sticks. Here's menopause. So and and we always say, don't we, that's it always comes at you know, it's a perfect storm, it comes at the the worst stage in your life, you know. She'd she'd work through that and felt ready to get out there, but no, no, no, you know. So I don't know Sarah like you, but just that sort of 40-minute call we just had with her. I'm grinning from ear to ear. My stomach hurts from laughing, you know. And she's one of those people I imagine that you you just want in your life, you just, you know, you just want to, oh god, let's see what Sarah's got to say. Oh god, let's see what Sarah's been up to.

SPEAKER_02

Um and I think also, do you know what I loved is that that she said that, you know, about having like an amazing group of mates and a really good support system. And for me, that was like one of the most positive stories that we've heard because it wasn't, you know, like an intentional rebirth. It it was kind of uh like a a product of right, come on then, you know, on the HRTs, perimenopause, whatever. I'm gonna get back on Tinder, I'm gonna get back out there, I've got the support of my mates, and lo and behold, you know, the vivacious, you know, more confident than she was in her 20s, brilliant because actually she feels better than than she's felt in a very long time.

SPEAKER_01

And that's really I think as well when you are we all sort of fit into roles in our friendship groups, and and you know, sometimes I I I see, and I've I've I've been that person, you know, you're the clown, you're the daff one that you know sends themselves up, you know, makes everyone laugh. So don't take life too seriously. And I imagine that performance and being that sort of um part of her group of friends gave her the confidence to go out there because she was going out there as Sarah, our mate, you know, and with maybe some stories to tell the girls, and I that gave her a lot of confidence, I felt.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, yeah. And I think you know, she's right. Every woman wants to be wanted, and well, I do know what it's not women, is it? Every person, every man wants to be, you know, desired and and you know, loved and liked and touched. And I think all of these things are really fundamental to how we feel about ourselves, and that's why, you know, when she was saying that story about you know being picked up by the guy.

SPEAKER_01

And I was gonna say to you, uh, we we always see it from the woman's perspective or the guest perspective, but he maybe arrived to that meeting with exactly the same anxieties and you know, the same issues. He he was working through a lot of his own stuff, and how amazing that wonderful, you know, like two atoms colliding, you know, they got what they needed. I love it, you know, it's almost electric. You make it's exciting, isn't it, when you hear things like that.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, and I think that's you know, I I love I love hearing stories about women, you know, being excited and you know, leading uh having an exciting life, or you know, uh this is just furthermore, uh uh, you know, the a big part of why we do this podcast. So women can, you know, yes, feel like, oh god, thank God it's not just me that you know gets really bad anxiety, or thank god it's not just me that feels really irritable, but also, oh how amazing, you know, this is really exciting. Perhaps I'll be having sex with uh, you know, Laurie Dry. You know, yeah for that. Great, let's go.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, she's just brilliant. I just love how honest she was as well. I just loved, you know, there was no, I think me and you were lost for words, which doesn't happen that often, but at some point, you know, she didn't hold back. It's brilliant. So I guess if you are listening to this, um, yeah, like we always say it's all to play for. Hopefully that's giving you a bit of a kick on the bum, you know, whether it's Tinder or you know, just getting yourself back out there and getting, you know, amongst friends and people.

SPEAKER_02

Exactly. And I think even uniting your marriage, you know, and I think intimacy, and I always say this, intimacy looks very different for everyone. It may be that, you know, penetrative sex isn't what you're doing at the moment, and maybe that's not you know, not not ever going to be on the cards for you for whatever reason. But that doesn't mean that you, you know, you can't have that intimacy and excitement that that actually we all need, I think. Perimenopausal, menopausal or not.

SPEAKER_01

Fannying around was brought to you by Everything's Rosie, presented by me, Rosie Frost and Katie Pitt Allen, and sponsored by Clear Boost Supplements and the Women's Health Clinic Europe.