From Bored in the Garage Gym to Kona: Kate Weaver on What Keeps Pulling Her Back to the Start Line.

Kate Weaver (@kateweavertri) was a marathoner before she had kids, Boston qualifier and all. Then life got full, and the miles got shorter. By the time her youngest started kindergarten, she was lifting weights in the garage every day, going through the motions.

Her husband could see it before she said it out loud. You're bored. Let's get you a bike. Two years later, she was on the start line in Kona.

In this conversation, Kate talks about what that journey actually looked like. Training on downloaded plans until she realized she needed someone who could see her, adjust for her, and spend months doing one thing: building her engine on the bike. The friend who has walked or run with her every Tuesday and Thursday for ten years and showed up on the Queen K hill in Kona when she needed a hug.

She also talks honestly about the cost. The under fueling, the hamstring that didn't let her run for three weeks before the race, the rebuild year she is choosing now, instead of pushing through.

And about what keeps bringing her back. Not the finish line. The feeling of knowing she can do it better.

This one is for every woman who knows she hasn't reached her full potential yet. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:01

Hi everyone and welcome to Strong Core. Today I have Kate Weaver with me. I have been following Kate for a while now, always loving the amazing photo that her spouse is taking. Very, very competent photographer. And just seeing the nice, I guess, integration between family, motherhood, and athleticism that I enjoy always following. So welcome, Kate. Thank you. Thank you for having me. Of course, thanks for joining. I always ask because I think it's really interesting for listeners to understand how did triathlon come to your life? How did you start being a triathlete?

SPEAKER_00 0:43

So I was a swimmer growing up. So I feel like that's the hardest part for people to conquer in triathlon is the swim. And since I feel like I already have a leg up on this, it's it doesn't feel it's it's second nature to me. So I'm like, mm-hmm this is, you know, the hardest part for so many people. I I could probably do this. And then I was a runner. I love to run. So I ran before I had kids, I ran five marathons, three Bostons. Then my last Boston was in 2009 and 2010 I had my first kid, and then, you know, puppered in some half marathons and whatever road races, had fun. Um, had two more kids after that. I did a couple sprint or Olympic distance iron or triathlons um between my after my second kid.

SPEAKER_01 1:35

And that was the first time you entered into the sport?

SPEAKER_00 1:38

Yeah, that was the first time. Um and then we moved across the country, so that kind of quashed that, and then we had another kid. So that makes three. And then my husband had a busy career, and he was um busy in the office, and I had three kids at home, and then um we moved. My youngest started kindergarten, we moved to a different house, and we had a gym in our garage, and I so I was just lifting weights all the time, which was fine, it's good. And I just was getting kind of bored. I don't love lifting weights. I think it's good for you, but it was it doesn't fulfill me. And my husband could see that, and he was just like, I think, I think you're bored. I think you should uh you know think back about doing triathlon. And I was just like, Well, I don't I don't have a bike. He's like, well, let's go pick out a bike. So that was kind of the re-entry into it. Um my bike, our bikes have been stolen out of our garage in our old house. So we had no bikes. So we went and picked out uh entry-level Cervello, and um then I was like, okay, well, I'm going to do an Olympic, and if it goes well, then and I was gonna turn 40 that year, then I will enter uh 70.3. That'll be like my bucket list item to do before I turn 40. So I entered I uh Santa Cruz 70.3 and the rest is history, I loved it. And then I was like, well, if I can do this, then maybe I should I should do Iron Man California, because that's right in my backyard. Um and I'm like, if I'm doing Iron Man California, then it's it's definitely a give a mouse a cookie. I was like, if I'm doing Iron Man California, and uh it'll be a Kona year that it's qualifying for. I'm like, maybe, I don't know, maybe I should try that. And so I'm like, maybe I'll hire a coach because if I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do it all the way. So I think now you're training with no coach, just so I was training without a coach when I did my 70 my first 70.3, and then I hired a coach um in end of March of 2024 to get me ready for Iron Man California.

SPEAKER_01 3:55

So I hear and see a lot about um AI replacing um coaches and what it does and if it's helpful helpful or not. Also prepared programs. What how what has been your experience? Where did you see an added value when you added a coach for the full?

SPEAKER_00 4:15

So I had done, I'd always just like downloaded training plans when I was marathon training and for my Olympic triathlon and for the 70.3 Sinecruz. And they were great, but like, like I said, I am a good swimmer. And so I was like, why am I spending all I'm a terrible cyclist. So I'm like, why am I spending so much time swimming when I need to be pouring more time into cycling? And so I I kind of feel like, oh, what kind of runner would I have been if I'd actually had a real coach? And so I hired a coach that I'd seen a girl who'd been at um the first Olympic I'd done. She was just like amazing, so fast. Um, Nicole Levinson. Um and so I I saw she won the whole thing, and I started following her on Instagram, and she would link her coach to her account and like the workouts she was doing. I'm like, oh, those actually sound like really fun workouts. So I felt like um a coach, uh, I'm a box checker, and so I'm just gonna do what's ever on the plan. And so having a coach, I was she was actually like following what I'm doing. Um, she could see where I'm failing, where I'm excelling. She could scale back some of the swims or you know, make them a little different because I don't need so much of this, maybe I need more of that, and um rather than just like a a plain old um plan. And then she could see that I'm a terrible cyclist, and so she's just like, we're just building the engine. That's what we're doing right now. We're just gonna build the engine. And so she spent a lot of time doing that. And um, I 100% do not think I could be where I am today if I did not have a coach. I think online training plans are great, and I think they can get you where you need to be, but I think if you want to go the extra mile, for me, it was a game changer.

SPEAKER_01 6:13

I I interrupted to say that I'm coming from the world of um leadership development, and one of the things we keep saying in the uh LD world, leadership development world, is that one size fits no one, right? And you can't just take a program off the shelf and take it to any company or even any team and just roll it out. It needs some adjustment if you want really to hit home.

SPEAKER_00 6:37

It's nice to have a little bit of accountability, and not that I wasn't gonna do it, but it's like, oh, well, I want to make sure I am make I'm maximizing my ability. So she's writing this program for success. And if I want to succeed, I'm gonna do these things that she said. And I like there was some wiggle room. You gotta change things, move things around. I definitely did that. Family life, you gotta do that. Um but I do think um it just, you know, she could see where an online um plan is not going to give you quite the same build. It's not going to account for this, it's not gonna account for that, it's not gonna um I agree with you.

SPEAKER_01 7:20

Yeah. Kind of jumping to technicality too fast, I think, uh, but I I want to just close the chapter on this. When you can give an advice to a woman who is training and considering taking a coach, what what qualities are you looking for in a coach? What worked for you?

SPEAKER_00 7:37

Um I my coach had done a lot of races. She knew what she was doing. She's um has a lot of degrees in exercise science, which isn't obviously necessary, but I felt like she was very invested in the sport. Um I thought her workouts were interesting. I thought that um her like her she is a person was very helpful. She had a lot of what's her name? Her name's Audra Adair. Okay. She's excellent, she's relate relentless racing. Um and I just uh we have a call before every race, and she just walks me through the day every race, during the race, you know, each section of the race, um, thought process for the whole thing. And I just sometimes you just need somebody that it you're not related to or whatever, to be like, you can do this. You are totally capable, you put in the time, you put in the effort. Uh look at all the training you've done. It's fine.

SPEAKER_01 8:38

Yeah. What's the best state you got from her pre-race that you remember?

SPEAKER_00 8:43

Gosh. I don't know. Um that's a good question. I would just say I I really just feel like she is good at helping me to r believe in myself. So I guess I would say that. I I'm sure there's a million other things, and I'm usually taking furious notes on my phone as I'm talking to her about all the things I need to do. But it's just I I really just think she's just like getting my head straight, like, stop thinking about all the things that could go wrong and just, you know, focus. You can do this. I love it.

SPEAKER_01 9:16

Um, so we covered so much, but I want to go back to the beginning. You mentioned throughout this story you have three kids. Uh where do you reside? In which state? We're in the Sacramento area of California. Okay. And uh you've been an athlete uh before kids and then throughout and in between. Have you been an athlete when you were younger or in college?

SPEAKER_00 9:39

Um, I did not swim in college. I was a swimmer and then I kind of got I needed a little break from swimming because I was I was thinking about swimming in college. I had an offer on the table and I was kind of like, do I do it? And I was becoming wildly unhappy. And um, like it was becoming a chore, and I loved I loved to swim, and it wasn't fun anymore. And so I took a break after the high school season ended and did high school track, and I had so much fun, and I feel like running was something I could do pretty well. Um and so I did not do any sports in college, but I did run for fun. And that's kind of just carried me through everything because you can run anywhere.

SPEAKER_02 10:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:24

So when I looked at your I've been following you for a few years now. When I looked back at uh some of your posts, I saw that um you did an Olympic distance and and uh you said my husband kind of kind of convinced me to go back. What do you think your husband saw? You said I was unhappy with lifting, but what what would he saw that he thought triathlon will feel for you? Um and he suggested it. Was it the physical exhaustion? Was it the something mental? Was it a combination?

SPEAKER_00 10:55

I think it was a little bit of a combination of my all my kids were in school now. And so I had a lot of free time and uh lifting weights is great. Um, but it just it didn't feel fulfilling. And I love cardio, I guess. I just never like um, you know, i I've I'd done a lot of running and and I still do a lot of running, um, but I think it was just I just need a little spark to feel excited about. Um and so I appreciate that because I think we we all need something to be excited about, right? Yeah, yeah. It makes us a better wife, mom, friend when we're happy.

SPEAKER_01 11:44

Yes. And uh one of the things I told you before we started the recording that stood out for me is that you have an amazing support at home with your spouse. Just the uh the level he goes to support you, and then also of family and friends, and it's not unique. I mean, I do see other triathletes, other moms and dads that have an amazing support, but yours is all the all the signs going all in. So I am wondering, because this is something I struggle with, um, fitting everything in the la in my life also to be social. You need to invest in friends in order to get that type of love and support. When how do you find time to also invest in friendship?

SPEAKER_00 12:26

Um it has been a little bit of a balance, and um, I have a friend that I run with, and it's very well, we're just walking right now because I'm injured, but which I appreciate that she's that flexible. Um, but we've been walking or running together Tuesday and Thursday mornings for the last 10 years, and that is just something I do because I enjoy her company, and then I'll go do my workout. Sometimes if I have a really big workout, she'll come to my house and she'll walk on the treadmill while I'm riding my bike because I have to get this four-hour bike ride in by this certain time in the morning. So she'll come and join me. Um, or um I just I have like a book club that I've been a part of for like 10 years, and I love it, and I love all those ladies. And um I just I I don't know. I you find time, right? Yes. I I I can I move things around because I think it's important. These are my friends, these are my people. And uh sometimes I have to refocus on what's important because I love to work out. I would rather do a four-hour bike ride than go play pickleball most of the time. Because pickleball is alright, everyone's playing pickleball. But I sometimes I'm just like, okay, you're going to be social with people and not just sit on your bike.

SPEAKER_01 13:47

Yeah, it sounds like you're very intentional about finding time to make it work, which um pays back. Um but definitely I see I see that you're the community supporting you. I'm I'm wondering when they come on a race, uh, you documented or they documented themselves supporting you in California. Is it adding uh more joy or is it maybe adding some pressure to perform? What will happen if I I don't know, DNA?

SPEAKER_00 14:12

No, it actually like raised my spirits to see them. They were all over the course. I my husband and my kids were there, and then I just had friends just like dotted all over the course, and it It was so hard. Ironman's are so hard. And so I was just so relieved to see somebody, and it just like every time I did it, it just like raised my spirits, and I kept going. And then I'd see friends again, and it just like buoyed me up a little bit more every time, and it made, you know, it made the drudgery, which those last, you know, how many miles? It doesn't even matter. The last little bit, it's so hard. And so seeing a friend was a game changer. And I'll say this um, my friend that walks or runs with me on Tuesdays and Thursday mornings, she came out to Kona and she was there through the whole race, and she was on um the hill going up. So you do it then out and back by the beach, and then you go up the hill to get onto the Queen K. And she was on the hill, and I was just walking, and I'm like, I just need a hug. And so she gave me a hug, and it just that set me straight. I could keep going, and I I I so appreciate those people.

SPEAKER_01 15:25

She sounds like such a good friend. What a yeah. And um do you remember in particular one sign that someone from their family or friends uh prepared that stuck in your head?

SPEAKER_00 15:40

I know uh my kids had Rice Krispie signs for me in Kona, which made me giggle because I love Rice Krispies. I've been trying to I always link them to all my posts because I want to get sponsored by them and they have yet to bite.

SPEAKER_01 15:54

I'm gonna tag them as well. Maybe they'll listen.

SPEAKER_00 15:57

It's the easiest uh form of carbs you can eat, the most the least expensive. But um probably that, but there's always they always have my friends are so great. They always have like fun, loving signs that just like I don't know, pick pick you up, help you keep going, give you a little smile, and sometimes that's really all that you need to just carry on another mile, right?

SPEAKER_01 16:22

So one of the so far you did two full California and Kona? Mm-hmm. No big deal. Are you do you think I you said you're injured, what's going on with you right now?

SPEAKER_00 16:34

So I just have had hamstring issues. This is all last year, and I just when you are doing Kona, you just do it, right? Um So I've got proximal hamstring tendinosis, which is the hamstring tendons that connect to the bone in your butt. It's just um the way they describe it to me is the fibers are going this way instead of this way. So we've just been rehabbing to get the everything strong and um back how they're supposed to be. Um so I've been doing physical therapy for the last forever. But I feel it's coming. I think I'm gonna be on a walk-run regimen very soon within the next week.

SPEAKER_01 17:19

So I can't wait. I want to ask you something about it, but before that, I want to mention to the listeners who might be struggling with similar injury, and for you to go back to the episode with Carrie, who tore her hamstring and um went through the whole rehab, and there she goes. She's running again and already planning on signing up for Iron Man. So there's a way out of it. Just wanted to give some hope. Um, but the the question I have is there's an injury that you're dealing with right now. Do you see more Iron Man in the future? Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 17:53

I've signed up for uh 70.3 in the fall because I'm like, all right, I need to give myself plenty of time to get healthy. Um and I also was kind of dealing with some um undereating issues last year. There's a whole bunch of issues. I I wasn't like officially diagnosed with reds, but it probably was just underfueling constantly. So I just felt terrible all last year leading up to Kona between my hamstrings and just feeling like a slog. Everything was a slog. So this year's kind of been my rebuild year. I'm learning how to fuel better, I'm doing my rehab exercises and just making sure my body's strong because it is it is hard work. But um I also I will do another um full Iron Man, but I feel like it is very time consuming, and my husband is a saint and he does so much um and picks up so much of the slack. He works from home, and so it kind of makes things more doable. Um, but I feel like this isn't something that's sustainable all the time. So I'll take a gear off and I'll I'm thinking maybe I'll do one next year.

SPEAKER_01 19:09

When he convinced you to explore going back to Utriathlon, do you think he ever imagined an Iron Man?

SPEAKER_00 19:17

Um, I don't know. That's a good question. I've never asked him yet. Um probably because I feel like that's who I am. Like I I did my first marathon and I was like, I'm never gonna do this again. This is the worst thing I've ever done. And I I think my longest run for that marathon training was 15 miles. So I was underprepared. Um, but then I was like, well, now I've gotta do it, I gotta do another one because I know I can do it better. And I'd be like, that is who I am. I'm gonna do another because I know I can do it better. If I if I fix this, this, and this, I'll be able to meet hit these times or do this or whatever.

SPEAKER_01 19:56

You made me laugh in one of the post you wrote that um an Iron Man is like giving birth. And I laughed because I remember after I finished my first half, I said to my husband, this is harder than giving birth. I'm never doing it again. Of course, two days after I was signed for a four.

SPEAKER_00 20:09

And that's how it is babies, right? Like, this was terrible, and I was like, Well, maybe I'll have another one.

SPEAKER_02 20:15

What does what does Iron Man training and Iron Man finishing gives you?

SPEAKER_00 20:24

I just number one, I love it. I love the whole process. I love the working out, I love racing, um, I love the environment so much. I've met so many wonderful people. I've loved, I was on the Trace Penius, and I loved being on that team. I met so many, so many incredible people that I just feel like my life would be less full without. And it also introduced me to the Rocco Standard Racing team, which is also just like opened my eyes to the possibilities and just being surrounded by women who are incredible, who are doing it all, and I want to be like them. Um but I think it also just I want to show my kids that like I can I'm a mom and I can be 40 and I can still do all the things. Just because I'm a mom doesn't mean I give up on my dreams or I sit on the sideline. No, I'm gonna be out there doing all the things that they are. I want to be hiking, I want to be skiing, I wanna be, you know, wake surfing. If they're doing it, mom can do it too. So I just feel like doing an Iron Man just shows my kids that like I you know, moms can still do things, they can still have fun, they can still push themselves.

SPEAKER_02 21:41

What do you think they're they from their perspective are learning? Do you think they're taking it in?

SPEAKER_00 21:47

Yeah, I think so. Because I think that uh I mean my daughter, I've I've two boys and a girl. My daughter is really into running, and so we run together a little bit. Um and I think she sees what can be done. I think I hope. I hope this is what is happening. But I think she you she comes to races, we race together, and she sees that um you know mom can go out there and win it. She can do she can do all these things, I can do it too. And that's that's what I tell her. I'm just like, you if you want it, you can go after it. And I feel that for my boys too, we have the same conversations, and I hope that they also feel that way for their future families. If they want it, they can do it, they can support that.

SPEAKER_02 22:36

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 22:39

Do you have a moment where you remember your daughter or one of your boys saying something back to you that inspired them through your actions?

SPEAKER_00 22:48

I heard it directly from my kids so much as my oldest, he was telling me that his friends think I'm really cool because I do hard things. So I think it's there and it's just coming back through the kit his friends filter. I think he pro I hope, I hope he feels the same way. Um, but if he's telling his friends that I'm doing these things, then you know he's he's talking about it. It it's he's not embarrassed of me.

SPEAKER_01 23:16

I think you're absolutely right. Sometimes when we're so close in the family, you know, things are obvious to us, but we need someone else to reflect it. I've seen it actually with my kids. And I also heard other people interviewing say that. Uh, you probably know Caitlin Thompson. She was also a guest here. She was on. I listened to her episode. It's excellent. And so she said the same thing that actually the friends of her one of her kids are coming over and say, It's so cool what you're doing. And one of the times she was saying that um she told them she's fueling with uh Swedish fish. I think. I think it was, or maybe, maybe uh warm gammy worms. He brought her a huge bag of gammy worms, which I thought that's been a nice uh I love it yeah, act of support. So I think you're right. There's something maybe that we don't see immediately on the mirror at home, but like the 3D, if you will, of other mirrors um reflecting that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:08

I'm okay with that. I I'm okay with my kids not verbalizing it. It's getting out there, I guess.

SPEAKER_01 24:13

Yeah, no, I I I agree with you. And and at the end of the day, I think you would agree with me that we're not it would be great if they're inspired and they're seeing something, but even if they don't, we're doing it for ourselves because it brings us joy, because we feel stronger. Um and yeah, enjoy the process, absolutely. There is something in one of your stories, one of your posts, that uh piqued my interest. You said that um you're towing the line on Kona just to finish. There were some injuries that you mentioned before. And once you passed Kona, two days passed, some other thoughts came. Maybe share with us what came up for you and what what sense you made from it? What how did you did it fuel your goals after?

SPEAKER_00 24:56

Um, yeah, I went into Kona. I hadn't run for the at least three weeks before Kona because I I couldn't. It hurt. Um, I'd I was having hamstring issues and my hip. I felt like my hip bone was injured, and uh I I I I didn't know. And I didn't go to the doctor because I'm like, I'm still I'm still doing this race. Um and so I'd kind of just laid off the running and then I did a little run like five miles a couple days before with the girls I was staying with, and I felt great, and so I was like, okay, I'm gonna finish this race. Um and so that and talking to my coach and then having that run, and then like, okay, I know I can run, I was pain-free, so this is gonna be fine. I will finish it. It will not be a dream come true day, and that's okay. This is a dream come true to be here, and so I feel like I kind of had to reframe my mind to be excited and to enjoy the day and to just finish. Um, and so I I did like it was a a wonderful day. It was so hard. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. Um, but I just I feel like I I took every moment to just like enjoy the race. Um, but then I finished it, and I was I was so happy. And then the next day we were driving to um the Volcanoes National Park. And I just was thinking about the day and I started crying because I was so disappointed and how it went down. Um, and while I was doing it, I'm like, I do not read I do not need redemption. I don't need to redo this race. I can move on from this. I checked that box. And then sitting in the car crying, I'm just like, I've got to redo this race. I can't leave it at this. Like, I know I can do better. Uh, there's so many things that went wrong. Um, but yeah, it definitely fueled my fire that I was not finished with Iron Man.

SPEAKER_01 26:58

I I think there is something about the Iron Man process. I'm hearing it in the interviews that when I ask, explain to me the and of course I know my answers for myself, but I'm trying to understand globally what is that paradox between training in pain, right? And then finding joy in the process. That's usually what I'm hearing people are saying. It's painful, it's hard, and it brings me so much joy. So that you can see the paradox, right, for someone from the outside. Um, and I just keep hearing that people are just finding ways to get better every time. It could be in mindset, it could be in speed, it could be in efficiency in the transition. So it could be mechanical or physical or mental, but it's always a lesson learned to get better. And in one of my interviews for my doctoral degree, one of the participants said, you know, it's just like a rubric cube that I sit with my husband the night before and we're turning it and plan the next day. And I was thinking that Ironman training is a lot like a rubric cube. Those who are doing it fast and are able to solve it, which blows my mind, by the way. I'm not one of those people, they're not just finishing to do it and put it aside and they're done forever. They'll keep coming back to it, mess it and put it together to see if they're doing it in, I don't know, speed or better technique, right? Or and so I think there's a a little bit about that when I think about the parallels between rubric cube and Ironline training. There's the sophistication, there's the planning, there's the speed, there's the ever process of becoming better that I think keeps bringing people back to it.

SPEAKER_00 28:31

Yeah. Any of you kids interested in doing triathlon? Uh, I don't think my oldest has any desire in doing it. But I my daughter who runs, she's joining swim team this year. My youngest does swim team. Um so the two of them are doing swim team, and I'm like, okay, this is this is the this is the window. At least, at the very least, this if you don't learn how to swim as a kid, it's just so much harder to learn how to swim as an adult. And so I'm like, okay, we're keeping the door open.

SPEAKER_01 29:03

I completely agree. Not that I'm anywhere close to you, but I also was a swimmer when I was younger. So when I started thinking about traffic, I was like, oh I know it's swim, but how hard it could be to bike and run? Well, little did I know. The easiest part is to swim, the hardest part is to bike and run. But uh, yeah, at least I don't have that fear of um getting into any body of water. Um that is the part I figured out. I wanted to talk a little bit about the community you're part of right now, the Rocast standout racing. What does um what does this bring to your life uh that maybe wasn't there before, or maybe a different form of um friendship and support?

SPEAKER_02 29:39

How does this type of uh community help you in your training?

SPEAKER_00 29:45

That's a good question. I feel like um there's just not a lot of women in triathlon. Um there's I I don't know any women around here doing triathlon. I'm sure they exist. I know there's a couple clubs and I am not a part of them just because I'm fitting in my workouts when I can fit them in. I don't necessarily have a con a consistent Wednesday night that I can always go do this workout. And so I'm sure I could meet them there. Um, so this is the best way for me to meet other women. Um But I also just feel like if you want to be better, you gotta you surround yourself by other people who are who are better. And um it's exciting. Uh at team camp, I was I felt very underqualified. And I was texting my husband, I'm like, I just I just try not to get dropped on the bike because that's my my worst event. And I didn't, and I was so proud of myself, and but I'm just like, alright, I've got lots of work to do. And I feel like with triathlon, um there's just it's fun for me to do, but I also just feel like I don't know what's gonna happen. I'm excited to see what I'm capable of doing. And um and so it just being around these women and like seeing what they're doing. And also I just the women in Triathlon, I feel like are overwhelmingly supportive of each other. And I love that. It is we are there for each other, we are supporting and rooting for each other. Um and so it's just exciting to see to cheer for everybody. People are cheering for me, and uh and and we all want we want success for each other.

SPEAKER_01 31:32

Yes, I I so agree with you. I think that many of those moms and iron mom and iron women are so intimidating with their abilities, but they're so supportive. It's not a competitive in a way that who's gonna get to the podium uh at the expense of someone else. It's it's both it's both worlds that they want to support each other and they're very competitive and intimidating at the same time. That's super nice. Um that and that's great. I love that you have that that community as well. Um do you have a mantra that helps you in hard training days or in the race to keep going? Do you there's something that you say to yourself that helps?

SPEAKER_00 32:14

Um, I guess I would probably just say you can do this. Or I I just like break things down into manageable bytes. I'm like, okay, through all of Kona, I was like, all right, you've got 10K, that's only six miles. That's that's so doable. Okay, 10k down and back, 10k up the Queen K, 10k around the energy lab, 10k back home. Like, that's totally doable. Um, so I just feel like just take it a little bit at a time. Uh, but I don't know that I have uh a real mantra as much as like you can do it. And just like just like grittying through my teeth, you can do this, you can finish.

SPEAKER_01 32:51

So so not really mantra, but just which is a great technique, just breaking it down into little pieces. I love it. And yeah, sometimes on long training, what I would do, I learned it from my coach back then, is just run until the next tree. And then when you get to the next tree, just run until the next sign. And when you get to the next sign, and sometimes that's all you can do, just deal with the what you have in front of you for the next few days, and then it adds up. So that's great. The other um fun technique I got from someone that I really love, and I want to leave it here on the podcast for anyone training. It said, look for magical moments, collect one moment in the swim, collect two moments on the bike, and collect three moments on the run. And I remember during my iron, I was looking for that moment, and I'll remember, and there would be moments of trade-off. Um, for example, on the bike, I remember someone was riding an oral bike with a dog with uh glasses on. I was like, oh my god, this is amazing. And then there was something else that happened. I was like, no, I'm gonna take that moment in. And you know, and just my brain was so busy in the here and now staying present instead of future, tripping myself, oh my god, I still have a marathon to run, or it's gonna I still have, I don't know, seven hours to go. That was very helpful to stay in the present. Um, so so that's good. The breaking it down, looking for magical moments that that helps.

SPEAKER_00 34:09

I love that. I because I can think in each race that I've done, I can think about, oh, remember when you saw those fish? And when remember when you saw that sunset? Like, yeah, it does, it does help. I love that.

SPEAKER_01 34:21

So I wanna I wanna shift into something else that relates to motherhood and athleticism. Is there any moments of guilt where you need to spend a lot of time away from the kids when, for example, there's no way to get around 100 miles at least twice before you do a full Iron Man, right, during the build. That's a good eight hours out of the house with the before and after.

SPEAKER_02 34:46

Are there any moments of of guilt or or you or what you found a way to handle it?

SPEAKER_00 34:54

Well, there's always guilt. I feel like motherhood is and guilt go hand in hand.

SPEAKER_01 35:00

I'm surprised by that, but not for everyone. For me, yes, but not for everyone. Oh and it doesn't mean I would just want to say it for the listeners, it doesn't mean there's a different good or bad. Some are better moms than others, it's just a different way you are wired. And so I'm just curious to know how are you wired?

SPEAKER_00 35:17

I am fortunate that I do not have to work. So I am a stay-at-home mom. And and like I said, my husband works from home, and so he can step in when I need to. But I try really hard to get most of my workouts done while they're at school. That's my window of freedom. And it mostly works. I usually do my long bike rides on Thursdays and my long runs on Fridays, and then I'll do stuff on Saturdays. But, you know, if you've got swim meets, it makes it really hard to fit in a workout when you're at a swim meet all day. Um, and so then I I don't know if other people have this, but I I kind of start to get cranky when I can't get my workouts in. And so then I feel guilty about being cranky because I'm not present with my kids, and but I I really should be present with them. Um But then there's times where like I gotta go get this done, especially when I'm like building up to the the final bit of the race. Um and it I do feel bad. And my husband is stepping in and he's doing laundry and making dinner and doing all the things, and I I honestly could not do this without him. Like he makes it so that I can do this, and I try really, really hard to make triathlon not impact my family as much as possible. Um, but it will once in a while. So that's why I'm kind of like, okay, I'm gonna take a little break from Full Iron Man because I'll I'll take a year off so that I'm not it's not consuming everyone's life, including mine. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 36:55

Um see myself aligned with so many things you said. I even have guilt of taking time off right now, but uh because I really want to go back, but I know it's not the time, and I know I will be back, right? But um, everything you said, I so agree with you, including in my research, it came out time and again. Mothers will say, I'm a better mom, I'm a better wife because I do this sport. Um, it's so it there is something about just not just fulfillment, it's also probably the dopamine, right, that comes in. Let us just get away from the family, meet ourselves, what we need, and then go back to the family, uh, able to get to give more. Um, and one of the stories I love in one of the interviews that I did, she's really reflecting, I think, what the society does to sometimes to iron moms that take time to for themselves. She said, She was a woman who did back-to-back two Iron Man in Europe. She's actually from the US, but she flew to Europe to do back-to-back. I think it was Belgium and another country. I'm forgetting right now. She flew with her family and a spouse, of course. And people said, You did what? Like, I are you are you crazy to take all that time for yourself, all this family vacation just for you to race? And she said, you know, if I were to say that I'm taking a five days of a yoga retreat up in the mountains, people would say, Wow, that's so good. You know, it probably will help you to relax and come back to your family. Why taking five days to do back-to-back iron man is is not being a good mom? And I think it to me, listening to that story just reflected how society um uh is is sometimes judgmental of moms who take time to do things for themselves that are so extreme. Do you sense that? Do you get not from your close friend who runs with you, but maybe moms at school or uh other places like you do what? You train for Iron Man?

SPEAKER_00 38:48

Why? I think that people don't understand um like exercising, they're just like, you're addicted. And uh maybe I am. Um there's worse things to be addicted to. Um, but I think if a man was doing these same things, no one would bother an eye. Because I I've had this conversation with my husband. I'm just like, why is there so few women? Why is it so hard for me to find literally anybody to go on a bike ride with? And uh I I don't know the reason why. I don't know if it's guilt or lack of desire or um there's just too many other things that need to be done. Um I I don't really feel a lot of um questioning for my friends. I think they recognize I think we all have our things that we like to do. We all prioritize what's important to us. Um and it's just they're just different. Um But I don't I haven't really sensed that for my friends, but I can definitely see how that would be an issue. I think the outside world, people that uh don't know me and that aren't close to me might feel that way. Might have lots of opinions about that.

SPEAKER_01 40:03

So they're allowed to. One of the things that comes with midlife is you don't care. Yeah, I'm working on that. I'm working on not caring. Oh, there's something magical about 50, I swear. You really let go of all the guards, you really don't care anymore. I think it's there's something about wisdom and experience that you're unable, at least I wasn't, and that's what I'm hearing from other women, unable to let go still between the 40s and 50s, and something just flips at 50 where you don't care. Um we don't care. So rehabbing right now, plans to come back um and and continue to do more iron men's. And um, I saw that you're also combining trail running um throughout um your your journey. Are you when you will be back?

SPEAKER_00 40:51

Do you still see yourself doing trail running? Sure. Um, we live right by a lake, and so I can hop on the trails in five minutes. So it's a nice easy way for me to have an easy run. Because if I'm on the road, then I'm paying attention to my pace. And sometimes you just need to go, just shut your brain off and run hills a little bit. Yeah. The watch doesn't mean anything. Um, so I would definitely like I I like to do it for fun. It's a good like it's a good time to just like turn off and be present. Um, and I've done just a couple trail runs, trail races, and they were really fun. I can't say that that's like my like preferred form of racing, but I think it's a good way to mix things up and kind of stay injury free, just take a little bit of the beating off. I feel like when I was running marathons, it it's so hard on your body. And I feel like I'm probably faster now, not only because I have a coach, but I think I'm just I'm running less, but still maintaining fitness through triathlon, through biking and swimming, um, and not just pounding the pavement and and pounding my body so much. So I think um trails are performing.

SPEAKER_01 42:14

Because it's not the distance depending on the body of running only for months. I think it's much harder on the body than and I'm not a marathoner, so this is just me observing from the side. But I think training for a marathon is could be harder than an Iron Man.

SPEAKER_00 42:30

I think um I've run five marathons and I haven't been able to walk after every one of them. Like going up and down stairs is a trial, it's terrible. And you know, the day after Kona we went and hiked in Volcanoes National Park. Like I was walking just fine. I feel like a standalone marathon is harder than a marathon in an Iron Man.

SPEAKER_02 42:55

What are some the hard truth also about being an iron mom? I think I would just say the time.

SPEAKER_00 43:07

It's just so time consuming. And I watched uh I watch a lot of YouTube while I'm on the trainer, and I remember watching a GTN episode about training for an Iron Man, and it talked about the time. It said, be prepared to give up your free time. And that was more accurate than I expected it to be. I'm just like, oh it's fine, I can do it, it's not a big deal. But even if I'm done with my workouts, I'm probably exhausted from the day. And so it's like, no, I don't really want to go out tonight. I want to stay home and veg, or I'm actually really meticulous about going to bed at by like 10 p.m. I do not we do not stay up late and we get up fairly early. I definitely prioritize my sleep now more than ever. And so I'm just in an ironman. I'm I'm Tired all the time. I'm overly spent, probably. It is a huge time suck, which you know is it's more than you think. You're done with your workouts, but you don't have the energy to go do all the other things and you want to go to bed early.

SPEAKER_01 44:17

This this right here, that was the moment that I realized the tension I had with guilt and pleasure. Um exactly what you said. I remember coming back from a long bike, and my kids are asking me, Can we go to the ocean now? And I said, I c I can't. Can we go tomorrow? And I said, No, I have a long run tomorrow. And so even taking away from the family on the weekends, not being able to walk after a long workout, and all you want to do is just lay in bed with your compression boots, right? But then, but then one of one of the things that helped me bounce back and realize is that it's it's a chapter in a book. It's two months out of a full year that the build is getting to that, you know, when you can do things on the weekend. The rest of the time you probably can. Which led me to investigate what is it about moms who self-rated themselves high on guilt and persist, but they keep doing it. That was like, if they can figure it out, I want to understand what they're doing. So I I understand your answer and and and the feeling. Guilt, when I say the word guilt, it's not like time-consuming, we're overthinking every one of our actions, but it's just it's it it it sneaks in in moments and you question like, is it what my family needs right now? Could I do more for them? And sometimes you can't. You just no, that that's that's all I have within me right now, and I'm doing the best that I can with what I have. Yeah. I think it's a season, right? It's a season. It's what you said before, right? It's not just about the race, it's also about the year. Sometimes it's just this month or this Saturday or this specific week is going to be tough, and then we're gonna continue until you know the following week. Um, so it's just chopping, chopping it and and not looking uh at the whole process sometimes help. Um I I always before I go to kind of a rapid fire quick questioning, I I I always uh love to ask the podcast participants um what advice do they have for other iron moms or women who want to get into the longer distance um and maybe not sure.

SPEAKER_02 46:34

What advice do you have for women?

SPEAKER_00 46:38

I would say you don't have to have everything in order to do it. You don't have to have the best or all of it. You can actually get away with doing it with very little. Like you don't have to have you can get a wet soup for fairly affordable or like Facebook Marketplace, you can do it on an entry-level bike, you could do it on a road bike, you could do it on a borrowed bike.

SPEAKER_02 47:02

I think that people get overwhelmed and just don't do it.

SPEAKER_00 47:07

Um but I think uh advice I would give is just just try it and see what happens. Because you'll never know anything if you don't even if you don't start.

SPEAKER_01 47:26

So that's the I guess mechanical um way to get over this sport is expensive. Uh uh I have have to have so many um equipment, parts of the equipment because it's three sports. Um what about the motherhood part of it and combining it with with sport? What advice to integrate the two?

SPEAKER_00 47:50

I have a good friend and she has six kids and she works and she is a busy mom and she's an incredible athlete, and she just makes it so that her kids are at swim team, so that's when she does her runs around. She has this path around where her kids' swim team is. And if they're at this activity, then this is when she does that. And so she just she either does workouts with her kids or she does it around their schedules, which you know isn't always perfect, but she's making it work, and it doesn't have to be perfect to make it work.

SPEAKER_02 48:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 48:24

Uh in an interview last week, I had a coach Carly, and she said she calls it mom pockets. She said, I myself, she was talking about herself, but also people she coach, moms she coaches, finding those mom pockets to just get it in. It doesn't have to be perfect, but get it in. Um, so let's turn now into the rapid fire where I'm going to ask you quick questions, and there the answer should be, you know, one word, maybe one sentence. And of course, as always, if you know you don't know, just tell me to skip it.

SPEAKER_02 48:54

Which distance, half or full? Half bike or run? Run music, podcast, or silence during the long run.

SPEAKER_00 49:06

Oh, I forever did no headphones. We lived in Chicago for a while, on the south side of Chicago, and so I'm like, I should probably be able to hear what's going on around me. And so I quit running with headphones. And so I didn't run or do anything with anything with headphones for a long time. And then this past year I'm just like, all right, and these long bike rides are killing me. I know this isn't rapid fire, this is just my explanation. Oh, I love hearing these. I bought some shocks headphones that are the bone conducting so I could still hear. And I love to listen to a good podcast, and then when I run out of my podcast, then they switch to music. And I I wish I didn't have to do that. And I can I can do races without it just fine, but well, you don't always love a long bike ride. Sometimes you need something to make it a little bit.

SPEAKER_01 49:55

I I have no problem because during race day, there's so much going on around you that it replaces the music or the uh podcast, right? There's so many people and and and moments to collect. So I don't need the music, but in training I have to. And it's funny, I don't know if you're the same like me. The minute I stop running or biking, I have to take it off. Um, I cannot continue and listening to it anymore. But during that's what helps me get through a good playlist or a good podcast. Um what, by the way, what's a good podcast you love listening to?

SPEAKER_00 50:26

I'm really into the triathlon hour. Those guys make me giggle. I just think they're so great. I love, I love all of them.

SPEAKER_01 50:34

It's a good one. Uh on race day, well, I think I know the answer because you're a swimmer, but when the it's borderline the temperature, are you wetsuit or no wetsuit?

SPEAKER_00 50:46

Um, I've only done one race where I haven't worn a wetsuit. Um, I guess I'll go with wetsuit just because it's faster. But I have done some local races where you can wear a wetsuit, and so I'll wear it just because it's faster, and I am just overheating. So I'll probably still choose wetsuit, but uh it's not it's not always my favorite.

SPEAKER_01 51:11

I don't know. I'm still recounting. I'm in Maryland whether it was borderline, you could have worn it or not. I chose not to because I knew I'm gonna overheat, which I'm happy, but the jellyfish thing.

SPEAKER_00 51:23

It's a downriver swim and it's cold. You have to wear a wetsuit, it's so cold.

SPEAKER_01 51:29

I I saw, and and sometimes you get like storms where swim is cancelled.

SPEAKER_00 51:35

Yes, that did happen a few times.

SPEAKER_01 51:38

Um but I would love to. It's uh definitely um a dream race to have.

SPEAKER_02 51:42

Um when everything falls apart on the course, do you get quiet or do you talk to yourself? Um I probably start talking to myself.

SPEAKER_00 51:57

But just like one foot in front of the other. Make it to that tree. Like like we talked about. Make it to that tree. You can do a K. You can do this downhill. Yeah. You can run from this light to that light.

SPEAKER_01 52:10

This is all the questions I have for you. I loved exploring with you the support from the family, the support from the friends, how you started from maybe I'll just try to go back to Tarathan to getting to Kona, which is unbelievable to me. That's the dream. And not many women get to do this. So I hope you're really proud of yourself. And I also wanted to say something that is playing at the back of my head. Um I was fortunate enough to be in a big job in corporate America for many, many years, and then be home and running my own business at my own leisure, right? And pursuing a PhD. And there's this perception that if you don't work, right, a stay-at-home mom, it's easier. Uh, you said something along the line. Well, I'm fortunate to be a stay-at-home mom. I actually want to say that I think that stay being a stay-at-home mom sometimes is harder than being in a corporate job, because in corporate job you can coast between meetings. Some meetings you don't need to talk, you can just like be on your maybe phone or a computer answering emails. And maybe you're listening, but you don't have to like own it. When you're home, every hour counts. You have so much to do and so much, so many things um that you're responsible for that I'm not saying you minimized it, but I just want you to know that being on both sides, I think it's harder to be a stay-at-home mom than working. Um, because you so many things are under your responsibility. Whereas at work, there's some things that are being taken care of for you. So uh I respect I respect what you are juggling with.

SPEAKER_00 53:51

I have so much respect for women that do work. I just think they're incredible. And I'm grateful for them because there's so many women that are doing so many great things in the world, and I appreciate their example to my daughter. So if that's something that she wants, then she can see it and she can do it. And if it's something that she doesn't want, then or whatever, or doesn't have to, then that's also okay. Um, but I I have so much respect because I I honestly don't think that I could do what I do if I had a full-time job as well.

SPEAKER_01 54:24

And so I can promise you you can. Out of the 350 women that I surveyed, I was actually really surprised 66% of them were working full-time. And what was interesting, I had made some assumptions that you then test statistically. Then there was also the qualitative part of the interviews. But in the quantitative piece, I made some assumptions. For example, if you work out of the house full-time, um your guilt levels will be higher. There was no correlation between employment status and guilt. Meaning you can be a stay-at-home mom and feel guilty. You can work full-time and have low guilt or high guilt, right? There was no correlation. There was also no correlation between guilt and grit. Meaning I thought, well, if you have high grit, keep going after things again and again, you probably have lower guilt. You don't, you just don't feel it. No. In my study, you can be high on grid and still have high guilt or medium or low. So it was really interesting to see that we're complex human beings, right? There's no one size fits no one, right? And it's whatever works for your family, for your own life. And I'm confident that the women, the iron moms, can do anything. Thank you. Thank you so much for the time. I really enjoyed talking to you today. And I will eagerly continue to follow you and um see how you are getting back into Iron Man training. Thank you. It's been a pleasure. Thank you so much.