“Athlete, Pull Over”: Chris Ijiomah On The Word That Changed Everything.

Mile 45 of her first 70.3, in hail and headwind, Chris Ijiomah is one of the last riders on the course. A voice keeps calling out: “Athlete. Athlete, pull on over. Athlete, you can’t proceed.” She keeps looking around to see who they mean. Then it lands. They mean her. She is being pulled from the course in front of everyone, and she is being called an athlete in the moment she feels least like one.

Chris is a registered nurse at a Level 1 trauma center, a mother of four, and she commutes multiple hours a day. She grew up swimming, played water polo in college, raced triathlon in her twenties, and then disappeared from sport for twenty years. Two years ago she walked out her front door and ran for eight minutes. She still remembers reaching for the door handle. Twenty-four hours after the DNF, sore and humbled, she told her husband she wanted to go back. He said, “Of course you do,” and showed her the bike tires he had already been researching.

This is an honest conversation about failing where people can see you and choosing to return anyway. Chris says out loud what most women leave out: that she trains without a coach because a family of six has a budget, that some mornings the alarm goes off four times and the workout does not happen, and that after the race she sat at a restaurant table and told her four kids she felt like she had failed them. She is grounded in what is actually true about her life, and she goes anyway. Her advice for the mom watching from the sideline: give yourself permission to have the big goal. It is not selfish. It is not unachievable.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:01

Hi everyone. Um, welcome back to Strong Core. Today I'm talking with Chris Ayajoma. Chris is a registered nurse at the level one trauma center. She is a mother of four. She commutes multiple hours a day to work. She grew up swimming and played water polo in college, did triathlon in her 20s, and then for 20 years, she disappeared. Two years ago, she walked out of the door and ran for eight minutes. That's all it took, eight minutes to reignite the passion. And last summer, she attempted her first half iron man and got pulled off the bike course at mile 45. 24 hours later, she told her husband she wanted to try again. And her husband said, Absolutely, of course you are, and showed her the bike tires he'd already been researching for her. Welcome to Strong Core, Chris. Thank you for having me. I'm excited to be here. So let's start with the big picture. Um, you're a level one trauma nurse, a mother of four, like I mentioned, multiple hour commute a day, and your training for yet again another half-Iran man. So before we go into any of those things, there's multiple um identities that you're carrying here as a nurse, as a mom, as a wife, as an athlete, and probably other things. Maybe you can just paint the picture of a normal week. All of it. Oh how is it going for you?

SPEAKER_01 1:34

Yeah, it's um it's a wild and it's a whirlwind, right? Every week um feels a little bit like triage. You're just trying to kind of get through the week and make sure everyone got where they needed to be. Um, you know, the the long commutes, I listen to a lot of audiobooks and kind of just try and think of that as some time to just relax and enjoy. Um, except when it gets like two hours one way, and then that's when I kind of question my life choices. Um, but uh other than that, you know, we just work together as a team and we try and uh coordinate how we're gonna get to where we're gonna go, um, and just try and plan out uh, you know, who's going where, who's doing what, and uh and go from there. And and uh and and working in my training has been uniquely difficult, but I think has been so important for just myself to grow and and have some time for me to achieve a goal.

SPEAKER_02 2:36

Yeah, yeah. And you work in a trauma center and you see people on what we often think is their worst days uh of their lives, every shift, either the patients or or their families. And I want to understand your your nurse identity first. What does that version of you um what is it asking of you on a on a daily basis?

SPEAKER_01 3:01

Yeah, I so I have been a nurse for 20 years now almost. Um same place. Um I work with burns and trauma and kids that have experienced trauma. And um, and I think it's uh it's acute care. So the the the benefit of acute care, I think, is that you get to see people go home. Um there's a lot of perspective taking of of understanding like there are people in their worst moments that um are just something happened to them that they weren't expecting, and then here here we are. And so um really maintaining relationships and and um helping people through I think some of the hardest times of their lives, but really um I think it's it's one of those things that I would not have known that I would do in my life and brings me some of the greatest joy, the hardest thing that you can do as well, right? It's it's challenging to see people in pain, it's challenging to see people that have lost loved ones in the same accent and um with them in those hard moments.

SPEAKER_00 4:06

I I what are the core skills that this job requires of you?

SPEAKER_01 4:13

Well, I think it's a lot of multitasking, it's a lot of um just being with people, I think just pausing in those moments with people, um knowing that they are going through things that you may never experience, you may never fully understand, and just being in those moments with people um and taking a breath with them and um and then at the same time you have like 60 tasks that you're trying to complete, right? You are in the moment with one person and you're like, okay, well, I have to do this for my other patient, or that we have another patient coming and I need to figure out uh where where they're gonna have a room and who's going to be their nurse. And so it's it's multitasking on the inside and um having patience and understanding and listening on the outside. And so that it's it's a bit of a of a dual room.

SPEAKER_02 5:08

I'm thinking about the transferable skills not only to motherhood, but also to being an athlete, right? Staying present and calm when things are maybe escalating and at the same time multitasking about the race, what can go wrong, what what is going well, and kind of having all those dashboards uh in your brain must be a very helpful skill for you.

SPEAKER_01 5:29

Yeah, I think it's something we we also do as as mothers, right? You're constantly, uh maybe you're with one child and you're working through whatever's happening with them, and at the same time you're trying to plan the birthday party or the parent-teacher conference, or you know that doctor's appointments are coming up, right? It's it's this constant push and pull that we we all do all day, every day.

SPEAKER_02 5:51

And I asked you before we started the call about the ages of your kids. You said um you have a 17-year-old daughter, a 15-year-old son, a 12-year-old son, and then a six-year-old daughter. So you become nurse before you became a mom, right? Yes.

SPEAKER_01 6:08

Yes. I was I was actually pregnant with my daughter when I started um on the unit that I'm on. So there was a group of us all pregnant together.

SPEAKER_02 6:17

And did you find um that each of those roles and identities of being a nurse and being a mom fed into each other, or were you able and needed to separate between the two? What I mean by that is maybe not bring into the home some of the emotions that you carry from work, or how do you do that even?

SPEAKER_01 6:38

Yeah. Yeah, I I mean, I think it's both, right? Like, um, I think so much of nursing is just being there with people and so much of being a parent and mother is the same thing. And so, I mean, of course, I they're gonna bleed a little bit into each other. Um, I think, you know, the hardest moments for me as a nurse are when you're caring for someone that's your child's age. And and I hear that time and again from other nurses, right? Yeah, because that's when you can really see yourself in those moments of your patients. And so having that is very hard not to take home. Um, but how I take it home is like I come home and I just you hug your kids, right? You're like, oh my gosh, like I'm thankful that we are here. I, you know, I'm grateful for you. Um, and you just give your kids some extra love and know that uh, you know, we're gonna keep going and we're gonna um be thankful for what we have.

SPEAKER_02 7:31

And I think it must must be helpful in an odd way, the long commute. It's not everything that we usually ask for, right? We would rather be home in 20 minutes, but the long commute probably helps transitioning a little bit and kind of process the emotion. Maybe, like you said, listening to an audiobook helps kind of the thoughts.

SPEAKER_00 7:49

Sure.

SPEAKER_01 7:49

For sure. And you know, it uh I I think in multiple professions, nursing is certainly one of them where you have a lot of needs on you at the same time, right? And you're trying to test those needs and get them done. And then you come home and you walk through the door, and the first thing is like, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, which I love, right? Love that you miss me. And right, give like let me take a breath and like refocus. So um I think we all uh have some experience in in trying to transition and then be present. And and that's a I think challenge um that many people face.

SPEAKER_02 8:21

And um one of the things I liked, I asked you to write uh a little write-up before for our meeting about your mom identity. And like we said, the four kids, and you said my family shows up every time um when you described yourself. They give you high five after a long break, uh, the kids running you with you um at the finish shoot, uh, your husband tracking you down on a hot run with water. Um, it sounds like your family is there for you. So share a little bit. I mean, 17 and 15 are ages where kids have their own activities and they're busy. And at least at my experience, like this is my mom's thing. I they were not, I mean, I think they really appreciated it and maybe admired it, but it's not that they were running after me um to give me high fives. So how did this developed with them? Because you didn't train when they were young. All of a sudden, mom decided to run out of the door and started running. So I just left one day. We're gonna talk about this in a second.

SPEAKER_01 9:28

So, how did you bring the family along? It's like we've always been going to soccer tournaments and we've been um doing track, and and my husband and I, we consistently have said like we show up for each other. When when your brother has a game, we go, we show up, you show up, right? And that's how you show that you care about your family member. And so I think, you know, when when my daughter does a play, we show up. Like, so I I think that message has been a part of our family from the very beginning. So when I started races and um, you know, that my one of my first sprints, everybody's up at 2 a.m. and we're driving down like to two hours to get there on time. And and um, you know, there was some uh sleeping in the car, but we we all showed up. And so uh I think it wasn't a huge transition or for for that to be, I wouldn't say it's an expectation. I would say it's just kind of what the family motto is of like when someone does something, we're there. And you know, I love it.

SPEAKER_02 10:28

And I want to call out, just so you know, it's not like this in every family. I think I have a great family, but this is not how I raised them. And and I think maybe I was wrong, but I was trying to shield each other from like, why would I wake this guy up and if this one needs to be in a tournament tournament for 10 hours of wrestling? My little guy would say, No, please, please don't take me, you know, and I would let you stay with home at with dad at home. I did see many families did show up with their babies and two-year-olds and three-year-olds at the tournament for 10 hours. So there's no right or wrong, but I do want you to know that um it's it's beautiful and that this is the your family value and and that everyone is showing for each other.

SPEAKER_00 11:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:07

Um and they wouldn't, I would say they don't always love it. There's not always joy in that 2 a.m. wake-up call, right? Uh there's typical teenage emotions, and um, and there are some games they don't go to, but I I would say overall, that is definitely the message that we that we have.

SPEAKER_02 11:23

The model we live by. That's awesome. And so the family is supportive, it's part of the values, and I always talk about we go we go back to values, or this is where we begin. Um, because in the hard moments when you ask yourself why, even when the kids ask, Mom, why are we here for so much? You said, because we show up for each other. That's the family value that they will probably uh carry on if they want. Um, I want to talk about the comeback. Um, you wrote to me that one day, two years ago, you just decided to go out and start running for eight minutes, which doesn't sound much, but it's everything. That was the pivotal moment. Tell me what led to that.

SPEAKER_01 12:00

Yeah, so I um kind of as you'd mentioned, I played sports in college. I did some trathlons when I was in my early 20s, um, did some running and half marathons, and then kids and life and uh nursing school and and becoming a nurse and all of that. Life just happened. And um I thought about it from time to time um that I wanted to do these things. And um, I think I in my mind I would I just kind of consistently put it off, or I consistently thought, oh, I'll be able to do that later. And then one day I thought, like, there is no later, right? Like, if I want to do it, doing it is now. Um, and there's never gonna be this perfect moment where, you know, everything is aligned and I suddenly have 12 hours to give to myself. Like that is a life that will never be mine. And that's fine. Like, that's this is the life I'm in, and I'm I'm very grateful for it. And so I think I just decided one day, today's the day I'm gonna go try. Um, and I it's so um interesting to me. Like that moment where I reach for that door handle is imprinted in my mind. And on days that I'm like, what am I doing? Why am I doing this? I don't know that I can do this. I think to that moment where it's like, I just reach for that door handle. It was the it was one day that really changed um changed the next couple of years of my life, really.

SPEAKER_02 13:21

Were you aware of those 20 years that you are not the athlete that you used to be, or were you not even aware that you disappeared for yourself? I think it's both.

SPEAKER_01 13:34

Um, I mean, yeah, I I would think, oh, I mean, I used to work out four hours a day. I used to do all these things. I mean, I I would refer to myself that I was an athlete, right? I'm I was.

SPEAKER_00 13:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:47

Um but but didn't think of myself as someone who could be currently an athlete. Um and and yeah, and I think one day it was just I I need to I need to give myself the opportunity to be to do what I want to do and be who I think I can be. And um, and so let's give it a whirl and see what happens, right?

SPEAKER_02 14:08

I want to continue and explore. Was it an act of courage? I want to to see if I still got it. I still want to see what it ha has in me as an athlete, or sometimes I hear, and that's not a bad thing, that I needed to go out to find time for myself. I needed it for my mental health. Um was it an act of courage to find yourself again, or was it an act of I needed to get away from the family? I just need to find time alone to remember who I am.

SPEAKER_01 14:39

I think it was more the your first, the the act of courage. I I mean, I love having time for myself, and I think that is an important piece. And I, you know, um, it's something that can be hard to do with working in and four kids and um life, all the life that happens all the time. Um, but really it was about I think I can do this. I, you know, when I was growing up, um, as a child, my dad ran an Iron Man traffic. And I remember watching him do that and being very inspired by my mom ran marathons. I remember as a kid, we went up to the Vancouver um Iron Man, and you saw Mike Allen and Dave Scott and all these, you know, like uh the the Puntos twins and all these people that really inspired me as a young person. Um, and then that just kind of got tucked away. And so I was like, I think I can do this. I think this is something that I have the capacity to do. Um, I was a distance swimmer, and so I think I can endure, you know, hard things. And so it really was like, let's let's see if you can, you know, why not?

SPEAKER_02 15:43

Yeah. When I looked for other women to interview in this podcast, and I connected with you. I had the courage to put yourself out there, even though you're a little bit nervous and it doesn't come through. And I could tell that this is um uh the driver, and I love it. I've been thinking lengthy about the difference between courage and confidence. And they're almost the same, but they're a little bit different. So uh I do think it's you I do think your courage, and then you build your the confidence throughout those acts of of courage.

SPEAKER_01 16:15

Um yeah, I I think I would say courage is is doing something hard, even though you don't know that what the outcome is gonna be, right? I don't know. Uh um and and I, you know, I'm not the fastest person out there by any means, but I think I can keep trying. I can keep keep going.

SPEAKER_02 16:32

And so the reason I the reason I thought you're confident was even more because you failed. If we can call a DNF a failure. Yeah, I did. It could be an opportunity to learn, whatever you want to call it. Whoever failed DNF'd uh it happened to me also for a medical reason. It take it takes a while to recover from it, and it does feel like a failure. You can turn the story later to an opportunity to learn. But the point I wanted to make is even though you failed the next day you signed up, that's courage. That's not confidence. Before we go into the DNF, because I think I I do want to listeners to hear about courage and about trying when you don't know necessarily that there will be a results there, there will be a podium, there will be a finish line, uh, and you still come back to it. And I I I value and admire this um trait. Um talk to me a little bit more about your comeback story. So eight minutes uh of a run, and and then what? Did you hire a coach? Did you download a program? Did you join an online or an in-person group? Tell us a little bit of the journey so maybe others can learn.

unknown 17:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:41

What happens once you touch the door and go for a run?

SPEAKER_01 17:44

Yeah. Uh yes, I um I tried to recover from my eight-minute run. Some stretching, did some hydrating. Um and then just really, I remember sitting on my back porch and thinking, what do I want to do? What do I want? What is my big goal? What, you know, if I could dream about doing anything, what is it? And kept coming back to trial haunts and eventually landed on the 70.3. And um, and then it, yeah, like you said, where do you, where do you go from there? I uh I wasn't quite sure. So I kind of was you do some Googling. I joined some like face group, you know, groups, supportive groups, um, and just to kind of dip my toe in, see like what are other people doing, how are they doing it? Um and then I I think I I went on uh chat GPT, you know, and was like, hey, can you make me uh, you know, a workout plan? And here's the parameters, right? Like, like I have long commutes, I work 40 hours a week, I have four kids, I they're all in sports. I, you know, time is of the essence. And um, and so created that for the my first um attempt last year at the 7.3, and and was it was able to kind of break down what I needed. Um, and then I could kind of cater it, like knowing for me personally, the swim is is something that comes easier to me. It doesn't for most people, but that that is more of my comfort zone. But the bike, super uncomfortable, right? And and more of a challenge for me. So how do I um how do I lean into that a little bit and get more comfortable? And um, and then like what do I need? Well, I need a bike. I didn't have a bike, right? And so how do I how do I get a bike? And um, what do I need for hydration and just kind of starting to um lean into the learn experience of others from those groups and seeing what they're trying and what they're doing. Um and then for running, I really love the uh the Nike podcast with Coach Bennett. Um uh he would he kind of guide you through runs and um has a lot of just inspirational messages that for me felt like, okay, like when I'm not sure if I could do this, if I'm not sure uh that I'm gonna make it through, especially those first couple of runs where, you know, I'm at soccer practice running the track, and they're like, okay, we're gonna do, you know, we're gonna run for 800 meters here. And I can barely get like a hundred meters without wanting to stop and walk, right? And so um just kind of working through some of that at the beginning. Um, and those I think are moments that I come back to now when I start to run and I'm like, oh, I'm feeling tired, I feel sluggish, I don't know that I can do this. And I think, you know what? Two years ago you couldn't run once around the track without not being able to catch your breath, not being able to like need a break and a stop. So even though it doesn't, it's it's hard sometimes to measure your success and measure that you've come a ways, but like that reflection I think has really um been pivotal in helping me continue, like move forward. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 20:46

Even with one of the skills that you have as a nurse that is required is the perspective thinking. And I think that's exactly what it is to be able to look back. It's not how much more I have to go, but also how far have I come. And so without judgment, I'm asking this, you still don't have a coach, you're just able to manage the training with no yeah, I don't have a coach.

SPEAKER_01 21:07

I'm doing um uh I be Iron Fit is the the is another book that I've uh leaned heavily on this year that kind of maps out weekly um uh workout plans and then helps me, you know, it'll draw it out for the you know, uh 20 weeks or give or take, and then and I'll look at that each week and be like, okay, what can I do? When can I do it? How do I how do I squish this into my life?

SPEAKER_02 21:33

And again, no judgment, just out of curiosity. Are you not hiring a coach because of cost and maybe the guilt of paying for one more thing? Or is it just you you just feel comfortable coaching yourself because you were an athlete before?

SPEAKER_01 21:46

I would say it's it's budgeting with a family of six is really I I mean, I would love a coach. I think a coach is a wonderful option. And if you have the ability to do that, good for you. Like that's that's wonderful. Um, but you know, that we have four kids. kids were look you know who are all in sports and constantly traveling for sports and so it just it feels like kind of that extra thing that we aren't able to give right now and so I try and be creative on how I can how can I accomplish my goal with what we have and and this is how I'm trying to do that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:16

My doctoral degree did touch a lot around guilt. But the guilt is not just about being away from the family. But it was for me also was the guilt nobody induced it. My husband would never in fact every time it's like let's go buy you a new bike they're only eight years old and I don't need to replace them yet right but um it was that guilt around bike and coach and PT and pool membership and um bike fitting and you know then something every time you just take your bike to fix something you come out with $500. So yeah I but for me I'm just would like you know to share this perspective with the listeners what I find I have a great deal of uh ability to accomplish long-term tasks so if we talk about grid I know I have it but there's something about the setup of a coach for me that I cannot complete with without a coach. I need that accountability it's funny I'm also an executive coach outside as part of my job and a lot of the executive coaching we do in leadership development is not so much because the person can't hear the feedback that they got probably in the last four performance reviews is that we create a process of like six months of accountability with the manager, HR, the employee where we check in on progress of goals and that accountability I don't know I I feel like I operate better any that's why I was so curious to hear why and um and and thank you for the explanation.

SPEAKER_01 23:49

So your training right now for another 70.3 yes yeah which one didn't work out and which one is the dream yeah so last year I I attempted the same 70.3 um and it it was it's in September and um I knew all along that the bike was my downfall so to speak that's uh it's just I'm not extremely fast on it and it has been a discomfort of mine but I um kind of plowed through and um and so you know pivoting for this year I think really trying to focus if if I have time limitations in the week and suddenly I have to pick between workouts what am I going to do? And I I try to always remind myself pivot to the bike always always lean towards the bike right um and uh you know last year my uh my husband and I would get up um at you know the wee hours on a Sunday morning right when the light is is first coming out and we have this huge hill by our house um but it's four lanes and I'm a uh a bit of a um you know just a scared biker on the roads and so he would take our car and he would follow me down the hill, up the hill, down the hill, up the hill with his hazards on because he's like that way people will see you, you know, so it it made it so that I could do what I needed to do and feel safe about it. And so um doing things like that to try and just um you know push myself in areas that are inherently uncomfortable for me, I think is is is the differences I've made from last year to this year. And um and then also giving myself I think some space when you know you're in a a week or a day where it's like okay I have these plans. I'm gonna do these three workouts and suddenly oh well so and so's now got an extra practice or their practice changed and now you can't run the track and how do you pivot? How do you squeeze it in? Yeah um and and just kind of continuing every day it's like okay how are you make this work? How are you make this work?

SPEAKER_02 25:56

So you've naturally transitioned to my next question about maturing reality. So I want to know a little bit more how do you structure it do you wake up logistically and and physically do you wake up in the morning do you do it at night do you do it only or break it as a nurse how do you make it happen?

SPEAKER_01 26:13

Yeah um so it's a little bit of everything I would say it's um it's a mixed bag I would say I come to the table on a Sunday night looking at the uh the week ahead of me and I I look at all the workouts that need to happen and I start to kind of think okay where can I make this fit in in the day Monday? I have a 12 hour shift um sometimes I can do it before a shift um sometimes I have to shift it after the shift um you know if it's when the kids are in school it's for me easier to do when they're obviously when they're you know everyone is kind of away doing their things I can shove it in the middle of a day. If the kids have practice okay if it's out of track I'm running the track or um if I know that they're home in the mornings then I'm you know and it's in it's a weekend, okay if I get up early I can do my big brick before everybody wakes up in the morning and then start our day. And so or you know if my husband's getting off midday and I suddenly I'm like okay now I can do the afternoon. So it's I kind of everything and a little bit um I know there's you know there's certain people that can always get it done in the morning and I wish I was one of those people but sometimes I I know that I can do early morning workouts if there's just one day in a week that I'm like I don't have to get up for anything. Like is that is there a day that I can then I can kind of um uh kind of cajole myself or you know give myself that reward to do the rest of the the early mornings.

SPEAKER_00 27:40

So what what needs to happen for you to skip a workout?

SPEAKER_01 27:46

You know sometimes everything, sometimes nothing, right? Like sometimes you know you wake up in a day and you're like I can't today there's so much that has just happened like for instance my um my son was sick last week and so it was late nights up all night multiple nights in a row and I was supposed to do my my brick long workout the next morning and it was just I my alarm enough four times and finally it's like this is not this isn't happening today right and that's there's some guilt there of like oh I failed right there's I think there's you know being a mom being someone who works and someone who's trying to work out I think there's always that element of there's a ball that's about to drop or maybe it has dropped right or something's fallen off the plate and you know um and so wrestling with that a little bit of like when you are in those moments, okay, today didn't work out and that is unfortunate. Um but your body needed rest today and that's okay too. And then tomorrow we're gonna try again and we're gonna get back at it and and then position yourself in a space that you can be successful the next day. Right.

SPEAKER_02 28:57

I uh I'm particularly pleased to hear how you're talking about this and how you're talking to yourself. And that's one of the things I found that at the end of my uh defense uh that's what you do in um when you do a PhD, your committee sits there, the guests that you invited right and one of my committee members said so if you need to summarize all this work in one sentence what would you say? And I said grit is not enough. People think that endurance sport what required is grit and and I don't think it's enough and one of the things I found in in addition to grit, we're not gonna go into the whole dissertation but it's what you just talked about which is self-compassion. This ability to talk to yourself not to let you out you know off the hook um but sometimes to just say today didn't work we're gonna start again tomorrow I can do this you know I stay present you talked about this is a skill as a nurse um stay present and then and then carry on which is so important yeah I'm kind of going um back and forth I talked about your reality we talked before that about the DNF and I want to circle back again to the DNF not so much because I want to highlight I want to talk about this from the family angle. You said I felt like I let my family down. Yeah and I especially felt a tug in my heart when you devoted to me because I remember my race that fell apart which I signed the next day after I did a full iron and was uh Lake Placid I became very sick. And my family came and my dad and his wife came and I felt so bad at the same thing so bad that I disappointed them. They made all that effort to be there and I think I was more said about them being disappointed than about myself.

SPEAKER_01 30:45

So I want to hear your story and how you were able to what did you say to your family and how were you able to move on from that helmet to I mean I think there was failure there and that that's okay right it can be all the things um it was extremely hard I uh so I I got to mile 45 I I knew I would be one of the last people on the bikes because that has always been my struggle and you uh it was the tri-cities 70.3 so there was hail and and headwinds and all the things um and at mile 45 they just stop you and they're like I'm sorry you can't proceed but I think what hit me in that moment too is uh as they're speaking to you they're like athlete you athlete pull on over athlete you can't proceed right now and I'm looking around like who who are you talking to right now right like and then it's like oh I I am an athlete like reminding yourself like that's me you like I didn't succeed I didn't make the finish line but but I am an athlete in this moment right and that's okay to call yourself in that even in failure right so and then I made my way back and um found my family and we stopped at like a place for food on the way home and we're waiting for our food to come and I just yeah I told them in that moment of like I feel like I failed you all you know you've you showed up for me at this race um somewhat begrudgingly at moments um and I spent time away from you for a year for this goal right like I I I I you know never missed anything big but there are moments where you're like oh I'm gonna go train and you have your small kid where are you going? What are you doing? When will you be back? Right there's that push and pull all the time and um and I feel like I failed you in that moment. And um you know kids are just amazing they're like no you didn't it was like that easy. It was so simple of an answer. No, it's fine you didn't um for them that that was just a part of it and I think um and then having those moments afterwards of uh you know the realization like failure is okay um my kids have played sports for years now and and every time that they lose a game or something or they don't get the time they want it's like that's fine that's life life is messy life is hard life is not going to go your way 100% of the time that's that is life. That's okay. And and knowing that that has been a conversation in our house you know intermittently over the years I think was was easier to then give to myself right like to give yourself that same space like it's okay it's you tried and it's great that you tried and there's some success I think inherently in trying and just because you didn't make it across the finish line you still you know were working towards a goal you were uh putting yourself first you were giving yourself the space to try this big thing and that there is some success in that even if you don't cross the finish line. How long it took you to bounce back and start training again the ride home was rough that was I was I was not ready to face anything at that point at that point I was like oh this is dumb why'd I do this this was a terrible idea um but by I would say within 24 hours it's like I you know there's that little voice in your head that's like I think you should try again I think you can do I think you can do this right this is something it's not impossible you can do this can be done um and you know it kind of started to inkle in and then I just mentioned to my husband I think I want to try again and he's like of course you do like there's no doubt there yeah of course that's absolutely what you're gonna do you know and he'd already as you mentioned been researching well I think if you get these bike tires right you know which I'm like you know yes that's helpful and it's really I just need to be focused more on different aspects of the bike but um you know and mentioned it to my kids like hey I'm training again they're like sure great yeah let's let's let's do it and so um I'm grateful that there was just unanimous support when I when I picked things up again and and kind of continued on this journey. There's some stories you feel in your body and I'm just feeling your story in my body the all of it and one thing that it's keeps spinning in my head um is this athlete stop and you're like looking around and and you're the athlete sometimes we need that mirror to and also from the kids you didn't fail okay we're gonna try again and even from the race um operations and so I'm just thinking about the role modeling the example right that we're giving to others could be a family could be others by others you are an athlete whether you just because you trained not even because you started just because you trained and attempted and that's I think a really encouraging message yeah for anyone who's training out there um I mean I think there can be uh you know there's so many different standards of of what an athlete looks there's so many different ways an athlete can look right and so um giving yourself the uh the ability to see yourself in in that role is is an important is an important thing.

SPEAKER_02 35:59

Absolutely you think they um understood that you were able to hold the disappointment and the courage to continue or they didn't process it, especially the young one. The 17 and 15 I guess they get it but the young one what do you think she took away from from that experience?

SPEAKER_01 36:17

Yeah um I I would agree with you I think our teens and tweens, right? Our the the 12 year old 15 year old and our 17 year old I think have had so many moments where you know there's there there is all of those emotions. Like we we're humans right we feel all the things at the same time you might feel more of one way or the other but but they're all very present in there. I um our six year old she's just sassy and witty and fun and and um and I think her ability to see her siblings going through these things as well as you know me in those moments of failure I think uh I I would hope while maybe she can't process it in the same way there's some there's some building there and understanding that um yeah life is full of ups and downs that's um it that is a conversation that we also have in our house I would say at our dinner table frequent frequently of like yeah I mean things will work out sometimes things won't work out some of the best things that have happened in my life were things that didn't work out right like I when I was very young I thought I wanted to go into medical school and become a doctor and wonderful for everyone who went that path that didn't work out for me and I became a nurse and I am grateful every day that I'm doing what I'm doing. And so sometimes those big pivots the things that you think oh I got I have to go in this direction that pivot is actually what takes you down a super special path and just being open to like you can be frustrated that that is not the path you currently want to be on and um and also just open to the idea of like okay here we are we're gonna we're gonna try again we're gonna you know change direction a little bit and and see where that takes us and and that's that's okay. That's life.

SPEAKER_02 38:01

Is there um any frustration with your younger one?

SPEAKER_01 38:06

You work many hours uh and you train right now is there any frustration of mom I don't get to see you yeah I think for all of them and um you know shift work uh in healthcare especially my husband's also in healthcare and so um when you're gone you're gone I mean I'm I'm gone often 14 and a half hours in a day for but between commuting and and um and jobs and similar with my husband and um so there's a lot of conversation of like when are you off and and it's never the same days. You know, we work two days one off two days on four days off one day on one day off like it's just kind of this constant um changing pattern right there is no pattern really honestly um and so um I think we have conversations of like hey I'm I work tomorrow but I'm off the next day and and really try and connect in those moments of when we're off like let's take 10 minutes and snuggle in bed or hey I'm gonna tuck you in and we're gonna read an extra story or trying to connect in those moments when when you have school we're gonna walk to school so we can have that moment together to chat and I'm gonna pick you up and ask you all about your day and what's next you had and who you chatted with and what's happening on the playground today. So being intentional in those moments when you can and also I telling my children like uh you know when I go to work and she's like you're going to help people it's like yes I go to work to help people so there I'm there we're making you know an impact on someone else's life and that's important. And um there's some sharing that needs to happen with time in that way. And so I think we've been having those conversations since she was little and and she knows from the others that that's just the pattern and um and I think I'm I am so grateful my husband when he uh he's so supportive in in my training he's he never once made me feel like oh you're going out again how you know how dare you it's like yep go I'll see you when you get back. And it's the same for in our family in our household when when I work all day the kids know that he is the primary caregiver and he's doing dinners and he's doing laundry and he's doing everything that needs to happen for the household that day. And when I'm I'm at home then that's I'm the primary cariver and I'm doing every caregiver and I'm doing everything um that needs to happen for the day. And so um I feel extremely lucky in that capacity and I think it's been so good for our kids to know like if mom's out biking and dad's home, you know, go talk to dad. You can ask the same thing for dad that you can ask for mom.

SPEAKER_00 40:38

And so um we're very lucky in that way I think so um this summer um what does crossing the finish line will mean to you?

SPEAKER_01 40:51

I mean that would be indescribable right I it would mean you know two and a half to three years of of working towards the school um and really achieving something that I've put in a lot of time um not only like you know hours of training but all the energy it takes to like think through how to get there right um the you know moms have so so much mental load in everyday life and then you add this which is great and wonderful because you're doing it for yourself but is another piece of that mental load. So I think um oh I just yeah I really want to get there and I I would it will be a joyous moment for both me and and I would uh hope my family as well. Yeah I know it's a little bit of predicting the future but do you see yourself continuing with with sport after it doesn't have to be necessarily endurance but you see yourself continuing I do I um especially in those moments where you're like I'm gonna quit this is dumb you know why am I doing this um and then and then in my head I'm like yeah but are you really gonna stop? You you're not gonna go and swim. You're not gonna bike anymore and I'm like that doesn't really feel right either. And so um I do see myself continuing um on in some form or another whether that's you know doing something smaller or training for a marathon or doing something then pivoting back. I I just love so many different things about triathlons that I think that's something I will continue to do in some capacity. And you know I I would hope that there are more 70.3s in my future. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 42:20

And so in moments where it's hard and you ask why am I even doing this or maybe your peers at uh at work after a long shift when everyone is going home and like I can't just wait to get home and put my legs up and you're like oh I have a long run. How do you explain to yourself or to them your why why are you doing this?

SPEAKER_01 42:39

Yeah um you know it's it's interesting there are many other people on our floor who are also um doing different types of sports uh there's a handful of people doing half marathons and uh someone doing a marathon and so we're I'd say we're super supportive and checking in like, hey how's your training been going? And we can be honest about it. It's like oh man I have to work four in a row I can't I can't get this in. I'm feeling frustrated about it. And so we're able to motivate each other in that way. And of course there's moments of of yeah seeing others who maybe aren't adding this piece onto their plate and and wanting to also go home and just relax. And and I think there is some that's okay too like there are some days where yes you had a hard day and go and do that. Right. Like that's that's okay to have that moment too. And then and then just telling yourself like tomorrow is the day that I'm going to um step up and have have my big runs and I'm gonna do this hard thing and and just prepping your mind for that like it's it's gonna be a good day when you walk through that door and you're done with your workouts for the day and and you feel like you've accomplished those big things.

SPEAKER_02 43:49

So that is your why when you ask yourself in a moment like why am I even doing this what's the answer?

SPEAKER_01 43:54

So what um I think why am I doing this? I think there's so many reasons. I I really want to be able to push myself in a goal that is big and then and see myself get there and have that moment where it's like, I did that, right? Like I thought that I could. Um, I did the hard things, and here I am on the, as you said, on the finish line.

SPEAKER_02 44:17

So the number one reason I found that uh moms, I asked 350 women, why are you doing this? And the number one reason, 62% said achievement and personal challenge. So before everything else, role modeling, physical health and longevity, all the other, there's many other reasons, but the number one by far was sense of challenge. So um you're another validation, I guess, to the data that I saw. So before we go into the rapid fire, I always ask the participants um for advice for a mom out there that maybe wants to scale from shorter distance um into endurance sport, or even considering um from the sideline, just even toying the line in endurance sport. What advice do you have for her?

SPEAKER_01 45:09

Um, I think what helped me the most and hopefully would be helpful to others is giving yourself permission to have that big goal, to have that big dream. It's okay to want that. And um, it's not selfish, it's not, you know, it's not unachievable. Um, it's okay. Go for it. And what does give yourself permission looks like? Sure. You know, we um we are so busy in all of our day-to-day tasks. I think as as a as a mom working, having all the things, it's okay to to um put in time for yourself too in that way, right? Whatever that looks like for you, uh, whatever big goal you have, it's okay to take time out of your day to um modify your daily activities to include yourself in that.

SPEAKER_02 45:55

Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. All right. Thank you so much for that. So we're gonna move into the rapid fire. My first question was swim, bike, or run. But I think I know the answer based on your experience. It's swimmer. So I'm gonna remove swim. Let's say swim was canceled. Bike or run? Run.

SPEAKER_00 46:14

Uh run nine times out of ten. Working on bike. Morning training or evening training? Uh, morning training.

SPEAKER_02 46:26

So uh you're a swimmer, so this will be interesting. With wetsuit or without?

SPEAKER_01 46:33

Oh, I mean, I always prefer without, but for for open swims, I do it with. Yeah. It's uncomfortable. Yeah. I but um yeah, I feel a little more comfortable in the water of open water swimming, having just uh that buoyancy of a wetsuit.

SPEAKER_00 46:51

So yeah. With, yeah. Um hardest thing about being a nurse that nobody talks about. Um I think what you take home with you. What you take home with you at the end of the day. The best thing about having four kids who watch you do this just uh kind of unabashed support, you know.

SPEAKER_01 47:26

Uh, you know, high fives, hugs, great job. Um are they showing with the signs? They they got that the bell. So there's a bell involved, um, but lots of cheering. And uh and my daughter, my youngest, saying, Wow, you're going real slow. The honest review, which is fine.

SPEAKER_02 47:47

I'll take it. It reminds me one of my friends, uh, Michal, if you hear this, this is for you. She trained herself to run half a marathon and really did phenomenal. And in one of the runs, she actually posted it on Facebook, so I'm not bashing her. One of the runs she's running, and their family, her two daughter twins, are uh cheering on her. They're, I think, about 16 or something like this. And then once she passes, she's like, Oh my god, she has such a big butt. And they hear it in the video. Support comes in always. Exactly. It was so funny to hear this, and and we laughed about it um and and loved it.

SPEAKER_00 48:26

Um how would your kids describe you in one word? What do you think uh they would say? One word. Um I think one word is hard. Um there might be a few more than one.

SPEAKER_01 48:52

I um I mean I would say loving, open, um, someone they can go to for whatever is happening in their life. Um I can sense that.

SPEAKER_02 49:00

I can totally sense it through through the screen.

unknown 49:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 49:03

What do you tell yourself at mile 40 when the brain starts negotiating or even maybe getting a little bit for fearful because mile 45 is a scary moment for you? What do you tell yourself?

SPEAKER_01 49:16

Um, hey, athlete, I think would be the first thing I would start with, right? Hey athlete, you're doing this, right? Um, and we come back to this actually in my nursing career too of like when when wound care is happening and things are hard. It's like this is hard and you're doing it. You are doing it right now. So just grounding myself in that moment of like, this is hard and you're doing it.

SPEAKER_02 49:38

Beautiful. I I think I mentioned it in another interview that I did in the podcast. A lot of the things we're teaching leaders these days is complexity, managing complexity, because everything is not as easy as I used to be. And this mindset um that it's not either or, it's both and. And so I I love that you're um leveraging it.

SPEAKER_00 50:01

Finish this. I feel most like myself when laughing with my kids at our dinner table.

SPEAKER_01 50:10

Our dinner table is loud, sorry, neighbors, and boisterous, and that is, I think, the moments that I cherish the most in my life. And the last question, and it's okay if you don't have an answer.

SPEAKER_00 50:23

Strong core means to you what? Having a strong core. Yeah, strong core means you we we have uh all of these abilities within us.

SPEAKER_01 50:35

We have strengths, we have weaknesses, we have love and endurance and all the things, and that is what makes us our true selves on the inside. And and um, the joy of life is getting to show those others by doing things on the outside.

SPEAKER_02 50:50

Chris, thank you so much for a courageous and honest and um I don't know, I feel the love that you have for others uh through this conversation. So thank you so much for joining me today. Thank you so much for having me. It's been a wonderful moment.