Why Prepare to Say "Goodbye" Before You Say "Hello"

Starting things can feel great! Starting a new side hustle, starting a business, starting a hobby, even starting a new relationship... all of it can be exciting and it even high-five worthy. If you are someone who has trouble getting started, then thinking about the end might help you with knowing what to even start. Of course if you're like me and you've started many things, then knowing when to walk away is also important. In fact, I wish I had thought out my good-byes a lot more before saying hello. 

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Music: One Fine Day by Keep Calm Podcast

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Hey, this is Rae with Get Real Rae, a place and space for life and business tips from this creative soul to hopefully inspire you on your journey, or at the very least provide you with some laughs. And so let's get real. Let's get real about goodbyes. OK. Craving real advice. Tired of feeling like every other small business owner or solopreneur is raking in the dough while you just seem to be raking? Secretly looking for a reminder that starting your own business is not as glamorous as others make it look. Whether you're looking to change the game in your relationships at home or at the workplace, you've come to the right place. My name is Rae. I went from corporate America to running my own small business to becoming a solopreneur. I'm a professional actor and dare we say a professional busybody because this body is about to be busy all up in your biz. So let's get real. So I started my first business officially in 2006. I did have a brand or business before then. However, I didn't file any paperwork with the state. I was just like, I've got a business. And I don't think it even occurred to me that there were like these whole legal steps to take. And when I started my business, I started it as an outlet for myself creatively because I was an actor in New York City and I wasn't booking the roles that I wanted to be booking. I was tired of the slow pay projects. And I was just like, you know what? I want to be able to create shows for me. Now, renting space in New York City to perform in is not cheap. And at the time, there also were not a whole lot of theaters to rent, per se. Even today, there's fewer places for performance artists to actually be able to perform their art. But there were some some venues where anyone who had the money and, you know, when you don't have a lot of money, it feels like a lot of money. But when you look at the grand scheme of things, it was like, OK, so what? They wanted $100, $150. They wanted $300, like whatever. So anyone who had the money could go ahead and rent space and they would put you on the calendar and you had to hustle to get an audience. So when you're renting space, this is beyond just being like, hey, friends and family, come and support me. Come see my show. Come buy my cookies. Especially if you are living somewhere or performing somewhere or doing your craft somewhere where you don't have a ton of friends and family. Right. So for me, I had actually relocated to New York from California and I did not have any family there. And I had some friends, but they weren't like lifelong friends because I'd only been in New York for a few years. When I first moved to New York, I did not plan on doing acting. I was like, I'm done with acting. I'm so over it. It's all a scam and a sham. I can't take it no more. I'm going to focus on fashion design. Another scam and a sham. But I did return to acting after a few years. And I did. I did the rounds. I performed in other people's small shows, doing published plays and all these things. I think I think I did my tour. I'm like, I got to think about that. I think I did this national tour before I started my business. I think I did. It kind of makes sense in my brain. And so I started this business, but there wasn't a specific play where I said I have the money to buy the rights to that play and I have the money in order to get the cast, the crew to make it all happen. Right. Because though it seems really simple. Right. People on YouTube are like start your business today. You can start your own Shopify store, your own Etsy, your own Amazon, whatever. And all you need to do is take this course, follow this advice and you'll boom, bang, have it in no time. I remember signing up for Marie Forleo's copywriting thing, business. Wait, I think I signed up for her business program. And the copywriting was something else that they were trying to push on us. OK, so it's business. And I just remember being like, this isn't what I was expecting. Well, what was I expecting? There were lots of PDFs of things to read and different modules where you listen to her explain something that you're supposed to go out and do it. And it's really great to explain something, but. It's not as it's it's takes time to go out and do the things that are being explained to you, right? Like you just need to have a great web page. And when you have a great web page, you really need to think about the color you're using, the font you're using and the text you're using. And you also need to spend some time thinking about who your perfect avatar is. And so really think about who that ideal customer is. Where are they hanging out? What are they drinking? What are their likes, dislikes? How do they like the shop? What kind of money are they making? And once you know all that, then you can design your web page in order to attract that kind of person. And then you can make sure you pick the kind of colors and font that that kind of person will like. And then you can focus on marketing to that person by setting up a newsletter and then having people sign up for your email newsletter. And then once you have all these people signed up for your email newsletter, then you can go ahead and launch a product because you'll have all these fans who've been eagerly waiting for you to just deliver whatever it is you want to deliver. That's a lot. It is a lot. And so I have to take pause and remind myself every time I see somebody who's kind of promising to give me the key to solve all of my problems, I'm like, OK, what they are saying may have truth to it. However, it's not going to be a quick process. It's not going to be easy breezy because what's missing in that example that I just gave you? Well, you have to make sure that you set up a website and you have to have the money in order to set up the website. If you're not good at computer things or technology, then you are going to need to use something like Squarespace, where it's just software already like Wix. You can pick a template and then fill in your own information, adjust some colors and you're like, oh, I did it. That also has a monthly fee. If you have a site where you're using the free version like Wix does, then you have Wix at the bottom of your site or GoDaddy at the bottom of your site. GoDaddy is notorious for having you pay money to add on different features. So with the name of another company on your site, you do look less official. It's a given. So that is more money. Then you also have to think about just because you found the perfect name for your business. Is there another business out there with that name or something similar? Because lo and behold, if people mistype or they're looking for you and the name is too similar, then they might not find you. They might find someone else's site. And so that becomes a problem as well, even though you've done all the work to find the perfect avatar. Maybe your ideal customer is in yoga classes daily and they stop off at Starbucks on their way home and they subscribe to some like HelloFresh plan or something. Right. Great. Amazing. So how are you reaching them? Are you advertising through HelloFresh? Are you going to stand outside Starbucks and attack everybody who comes through the Starbucks door wearing yoga pants? Why should they talk to you? Do you have the money to actually somehow advertise in Starbucks, through Starbucks? Probably not. If you're starting out this business and you need to take one of these courses in order to know how to get your business going. So all this information is kind of nice, but also kind of not helpful. Not helpful. So lo and behold, I started my business. I did not have the money in order to do the production in my mind, the productions in my mind. So, OK, I can't do theater. I need a cast. I need a crew. I can't afford theater right now. What about dance? I dance. I don't just do theater. I can dance and I don't have to have a big cast or crew for dance. And then I was like, well, I don't even have I don't have like a dance. Group dance team. Now I've got to find dancers. Well, what else can I do? What can I do that's the quickest, the fastest, the cheapest? Just get it going. And my boyfriend at the time, who later became my husband and is now my ex -husband, he was really into poetry and he always wanted to be able to read poetry out loud. And I love poetry, too. So I was like, I'm going to make a poetry show. And I was really proud of the show that I created. I ran it for a year. It lost money, most shows. Why? Because people in New York City love slams. They don't want poetry. They want a slam, a poetry slam where someone comes up to the mic and says all these things and makes a rhyme. And then they go, I don't like that kind of poetry art form. I had to, because it could just be me and my boyfriend on stage. That's not going to allow me to possibly make back the $200 I spent to create the show. So I put out casting notices looking for people who write poetry and poets. It's so funny because to this day, so here we are some 20 years later and I can see some of the people who did our show are still active in the poetry world and they've published books. And that's that's really cool to see. But I only ran that show for a year and the venue that I was in, I'm not going to get into that. So my boyfriend was just like, well, I know it hasn't been making money, but I can I what if I help pay for it? And I was like, no, I think it's I think it's done. Right. So you've got to know when to say goodbye to something, especially if it's costing you more time, energy, money. And it's not even like what you what you really wanted. It's not your path, your dream. I was just it was supposed to be a one time gift. And it wound up being like, I don't know, at least a dozen shows. I then wound up started producing a variety shows. And I think I did do a one, a 24 hour play fest. I produced some radio podcasts. So I started to get closer and closer to what I wanted, which is theater for me. Only I want to be able to spend time getting scripts. And I also want to make sure that was teaming up with quality actors. But how do we make sure that we are getting seen? Because just producing a show in the park because the park permit is much cheaper than the theater permit is. It's it's it's hot outside and people don't have a place to sit. And sometimes people will sit and watch the free theater and sometimes they will donate and sometimes they don't. So it's not exactly a long term strategy. But with the doing the short play fest, at least we can get some bodies for one night. I did a lot of things with the early days of my business. And mind you, I just closed this business. So, yes, it started with this focus of doing lots of theater. Didn't do all the theater that I wanted. Did develop quite a reputation for variety shows and dance shows. And that I was very proud of. So it was really bittersweet to have to close this business. Why did I have to say goodbye? Well, paying the taxes for New York just didn't make sense anymore. Not living in New York right now. And it's costing me more money than it's worth. And also not producing theater shows in New York. So that business, what it was designed to do, it wasn't doing. With that being said, when you've put your heart and soul into something for that long, whether it be a job, a business, a relationship, a marriage, it can definitely, it definitely hurt a little to say goodbye. But I finally did it. I finally closed that business. Now, I do have another business registered in another state where the taxes just make more sense for me. And I've known for a while it was a smart thing to do. But I was partly I was just busy doing other things. But I was also kind of like, oh, do I really have 20 years? But I said goodbye. Maybe there's something with 20 years with me, because my relationship with my ex lasted 20 years and said goodbye. The marriage didn't last 20 years. The marriage lasted like nine years or something. But yeah, my time in New York, about 20 years. So 20, it's a good number, you guys. I don't know. Hmm. How about you? Was your life exciting when you were in your 20s? I don't know. Things just seemed kind of exciting. And now it's kind of like, oh, well, it's another day. But I am grateful to have another day. And I'm very grateful to be able to say goodbyes and to feel good about those goodbyes because we don't always get an opportunity to actually end things on our own terms. I, you know, my business, Roller Coaster, there were financially wonderful times and then financially devastating times. And a lot of businesses don't even make it past two years, especially in the restaurant industry. Now, I do have a podcast currently. And in the podcast world, I kind of have taken a little pause from uploading episodes because I was trying to focus on my YouTube and trying to get my business out of the toilet and be able to pay my bills. So making those podcast episodes, it kind of fell to the wayside. And I think there may have been two months where I didn't upload an episode. I'm thinking, oh, should I do it? But I did find I had something to say, so I uploaded that episode. And then I got a little alert like, yeah, you finally have, you know, put up 10 episodes and you've made it more than most podcasts. And I did the research and most podcasts don't last. 10 episodes don't last past six months. I was like, whoa, that's so crazy. So the success rate of podcasting is even lower than the success rate of starting a business. And the success rate of YouTube is also pretty low because people start channels and then they are like, no one's watching and then abandon them rather quickly. All of these things take time, energy and in a way, money. Even though I am not spending a lot of money on my podcast, I do have to have the platform in order to post the podcast. I think when I did my first podcast under the business that I closed, I just had like an RSS feed and I had to submit things to Apple's and whoever else. Now I use Buzzsprout, which I love because there's way more podcasting platforms out there. And so with this particular software, I can upload my episode with graphics and then they will send it out to all the different platforms that allow people to listen to podcasts. And it also helps me reach audiences, which I just did not have that ability when I first started the efforts to distribute things in an audio format. So saying goodbyes. Well, saying goodbye in the relationship world can be difficult. I think I communicate with my ex maybe two or three times a year. And I've often thought if I was in a relationship right now, would I even respond to this text message or would I even think to text him? Because I heard the report on the news was that the weather is really bad and people are going to be struggling. And so there's just this part of me that thinks back like, oh, my gosh, is he going to be OK? Because I know that that man will try to go out there in a snow and blizzard and then slip and fall. He's done it before. Oh, my goodness. But then I have to remind myself, well, you said goodbye. But what does goodbye mean? Goodbye means I'm OK with the way that things ended. And goodbye means I don't owe anyone anything and no one owes me anything. Same with that business. I'm OK. I'm OK. And so if you are someone who is working at a job and that job has ended and you didn't plan on an ending that way, it can feel really jarring, really hard because you weren't ready to say goodbye. One thing, you know, whatever your opinion is on Will Smith, that's that's your opinion. But one thing that he said that I like, this is something he said before he went around slapping people at a world shows, is he commented on how when his father was passing, he made sure to say, I love you every single day. He and his father had had a tumultuous relationship, and it wasn't until he was adult where he reconnected with him and wanted to learn about his father. And so as his father was ill and dying, he made a point to visit him daily at the hospital and just spent a lot of time learning about his father's life, his father, his history. And he also made sure that every time he left the hospital, he said, I love you and goodbye, because his feeling was you never really know when your last goodbye will be. You never really know if you will have an opportunity to end things the way you want. So why not do it now? Why assume that there's going to be another opportunity? And this is something it might seem a little extreme at work to be like, I love you guys. I love my team. Goodbye. But you may just take a moment instead of rushing out the door and saying see you tomorrow. Maybe just take a moment to be like, hey, great work, guys. Have a good night. Right. There's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with that. Yeah, because. You know, we none of us are guaranteed tomorrow, right? We could leave work and even though we still have that job, maybe you just don't wake up the next day. I mean, it's not great to think about, but it's true. And so got to say, when it comes to ending relationships, before you get into that relationship, think about how you're going to end it before you start that business. Think about are you going to be OK when it ends? Will you have to say goodbye? And are you going to be OK if you have to say goodbye? If it's not on your terms? Are you going to be up night after night going, why? Why didn't it work out? I wanted that to work so bad. Why? Why did they let me go? I loved that job so much. It's really important to set yourself up for success. So as much as we're talking about productivity, preparation, another way to set yourself up for success is to accept that everything in life has an expiration. And so just keep in mind that someday the relationship, whether it's with a human or with a bit of technology or with a product or with your business, that relationship is going to change and you'll have to no longer interact with it or interact in a different way. But basically, just say goodbye. So I hope you found this somewhat helpful. I. I really like that. I have this opportunity to chat with you. I know it's kind of a one way chat, but if you comment in the comments, it's not one way. So that's what you need to do is comment in the comments. And then then we can be back and forth. Yay. But I love that I have this opportunity to chat, to share. And every time I do one of these videos, I think, when's it going to end? When will I be ready to say goodbye? I ain't ready to say goodbye yet, but I will say until next time. Thanks for listening. If you think this podcast would help a friend, then please feel free to share it with them. If you want to check out some more Real Ray or just see me hang out with cute dogs, then feel free to visit me over on YouTube. Get Real Ray 4273.