Why Your T-Shirt Sucks, and Why You Should Care

If seeing red hats or a rainbow flag have you instantly jumping to conclusions, then this episode is for you. You are also welcome to just look down on me from your pedestal and laugh at my naivety. You have my full permission, but before you cast me aside like yesterdays dirty socks, can you at least hear me out, because I swear I am not alone in mistakenly believing that showing me allegiance to something via my fashion choices actually created the type of impact that I was going for. 

Heads Up! This episode was originally released on YouTube August 25th, 2023

To watch the video visit Get Real Rae

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Music: One Fine Day by Keep Calm Podcast

Transcript

Speaker: 0:00

Hi, my name is Rae and I am unapologetically Black. Craving real advice? Tired of feeling like every other small business owner or solopreneur is raking in the dough while you just seem to be raking? Secretly looking for a reminder that starting your own business is not as glamorous as others make it look? Whether you're looking to change the game in your relationships at home or at workplace, you've come to the right place. My name is Rae. I went from corporate America to running my own small business to becoming a solopreneur. I'm a professional actor and, dare we say, a professional busybody because this body is about to be busy all up in your bins. So let's get real. This is Rae with Get Real Rae, a place for life and business tips to hopefully provide you with a little guidance on your journey or at the very least provide you with some laughs. And so let's get real. Let's get real about why your t-shirt sucks and maybe mine is amazing or maybe it's not. Okay, so earlier in Panty, right, we're all home, we're all well some of us are shopping, some of us are crying over bills. A lot of things were happening especially in the U.S. where, you know, let's just say a lot of things were happening all over. It's especially in the U.S. A lot of things were happening and rightfully so. People were thrown into a position where they hadn't been used to before. One of the things that happened was in the United States the passage of law that said or I guess it's called the granting acknowledgement of the federal holiday that is Juneteenth, right. And I have learned about Juneteenth from an episode of Black-ish, okay. I had never heard of this holiday before and thank you, Kinga Barris, for just bringing so many things to my attention that I hadn't thought about. So, such a good show. So, anyway, I learned about this holiday. I liked the idea of there being like a celebration and so I said, you know what, I really want to have like a Juneteenth party and every year I kind of, it never kind of happens. So, finally, Panty happens and I'm able to have my Juneteenth party but here I am being a woman of color and I don't feel like I own anything that says I'm Black and I'm proud. Now, yes, there's the Malcolm X t-shirts and the King t-shirts and you, I just, none of that fit me. These are amazing individuals who did amazing things and not everything they did was great but they did a lot of amazing things for the African-American community in the United States. And so, for me, just smacking their face on a t-shirt or having the name on a t-shirt doesn't really make me feel like I am promoting their message or more connected with them or more Black. Okay, let's just be honest. So, I didn't want to do anything for us and I didn't feel that purchasing something that represented the colors of Africa or just had the image of the African continent in, you know, the colors of Africa basically was going to make me feel or be more Black. So, there's all these ways that the African -American community has been showing their Black pride and Black power and, you know, if we look back to the 60s and 70s, right, there's a huge wave of let's wear our hair a certain way, let's wear our clothes a certain way, let's wear certain types of clothes, and let's really go ahead and reject the mainstream idea that we have to look more like non-Blacks. Specifically, we have to look more like white people, right, and that whole ideology very much gets wrapped up into the history of slavery and all that stuff. Now, I searched online because I wanted to. I was having an online pate for Juneteenth. I decided, you know, these family members that I don't talk too much. Actually, we don't really like once every six years or something. I wanted to know that I want to be closer and this is a holiday that I want to, I've been wanting to celebrate. What better opportunity to celebrate this holiday with people that I want to be closer with? And so I created my Zoom link and I went shopping. What is a piece of clothing that I could own that would not feel cliche, not feel forced, and yet allow me to express who I am and what I believe in? And this t-shirt was a winner and I just, I think I changed my clothes like three times during that Zoom party. But, because I was not going to be at a party just wearing a t-shirt, oh no, but yes, this t-shirt was a winner. I really liked that it had a simple statement and you really had to kind of focus in to read it and it just, it felt like it was original and it felt me. I like pink. So, here we are. Fast forward to 2023. We're talking three years later. I have moved. I'm no longer doing Zoom parties. Not that there's anything wrong with Zoom parties. There's more Zoom parties and I haven't managed to have another Juneteenth party since the first Juneteenth party. Something always gets in the way. And actually, I can't say that I talked to most of those family members anymore than I did before the party. Two people I talked to before. That's just nice. So, here I am in my new state of residence taking a walk and there's nothing in my closet that is clean, that is not like a dress suit or something. So, I go ahead and I find this t-shirt. I'm like, oh, well, it's clean. Let's put it on. And I gave pause and I gave pause because where I live, there's a lot of flags that have the name of a former president and a lot of signage promoting this person as a future president or presidential candidate or however you want to look at it. And so, those flags on those lawns tell me a lot about those people and tell me what they believe in. Now, would it be fair to me assume that everyone who has one of those flags is a racist? No, it's not really fair. These people believe what they believe. But it does give me pause, especially knowing that 90 minutes away, I had an encounter with a very drunk Uber passenger who proceeded to use the N-word throughout the entire 30-minute drive. Well, he was hitting on me, right? N-word. Blah, blah, blah. Oh, you're so hot. Can I get your phone number? N-word. And this guy was sitting next to me because there were two passengers in the car. Oh, my goodness. It was the worst, okay? So, if you drive for Uber, be safe. But, and I did like afterwards, I flagged that this passenger was not a cool person at all. And so, there's that in my mind, is I've had this really negative experience of racism. And mind you, I've lived in San Francisco. I've lived in New York. So, I've kind of encountered all the things, all the possibilities. And that was definitely, that drive was definitely the first time where I was like, oh, my gosh, I'm going to end up on like some true crime channel or something. This is crazy. And then we have the knowledge that only a few hours away, what, maybe another 90 minutes, 90 minutes to two hours, there is KKK headquarters. And so, I have these things in my mind. And I wanted to wear this shirt because there was nothing else to wear. And I said, you know what? Unapologetic, right? Go take that walk, go do it. And so, I put on this shirt, I took the walk, I was power walking, I was like, yeah, I got this, I got this. And then I started to think about a little old man I saw in the grocery store two days before, who was wearing a red baseball cap. And that red baseball cap said, Make America Great Again. And I remember how I felt seeing his baseball cap. And I felt like he'd slap me in the face. I did not feel comfortable. And what does the slogan really mean? We can flip it around all kinds of ways. Some people could say, no, it's just talking about things before, you know, back in the Ronald Reagan days. Some people can say, no, it's talking about things back where just after the war when the US was a, you know, a powerhouse financially and military. You could say, it takes things back to yield days of slavery and pre Abraham Lincoln, pre Civil War, right? And actually, it was a white actor, I believe it was Bryan Cranston, who helped me see that, oh, that is a very much a possibility, right? And then we can even go back and look at, well, maybe it's also Make America Great Again, it also means pre women's voting rights. So when you really think about it, it is such a loaded phrase. And as the kids say nowadays, I felt triggered. Now, I did not leave the grocery store crying and like curled up into a ball, and having like a total breakdown. But I didn't like seeing that hat. And for me, that hat was no different than this little old man walking around with a white hood on or a t shirt that said, I'm a racist. Now, hear me out. Just a week before all of this, I was chatting with my mom on the phone. And she was telling me how she saw a little old man, what is with this little old man at a bingo hall. And he he came to sit next to her. So the caregiver never wheeled his chair right next to her. And, you know, he was wearing a red baseball cap. And actually, this wasn't a week before, I just realized this was shortly after my grocery store experience. So it's all around same time. And he's wearing this red baseball cap. And she's just kind of like, I don't want him to sit next to me. He's got a red baseball cap on poor red baseball cap manufacturers, you guys must be like, so upset. Because on one hand, your sales boomed. And on the other hand, people who make red baseball caps that have anything other than that particular slogan, y'all must be suffering because nobody wants to buy your hat because it's red. Oh my goodness, those sports teams, they must be kind of angry right now. So anyway, she doesn't really want to be next to this guy. He's trying to talk to her. And because he's older, she can't really understand what he's saying and blah, blah, blah. And she winds up talking to him. I think the caregiver was like, oh, he's asking you something or whatever. Then my mom engages and they have a nice time talking. She realizes his hat doesn't say make America great again, or anything like that, just a red baseball cap. And he was really nice. And she had feelings because she was just like, I was so put off by seeing this cap. And then I realized that I hadn't given him a chance. I just made an assumption. And he wasn't even wearing the cap that makes me feel threatened. Right. And so back to why my t-shirt sucks. And so does yours, which is, would someone see my t-shirt and feel threatened? Would they see this idea of being unapologetically Black? And would they find themselves thinking, oh my gosh, this person who identifies as Black might feel threatened by me because I am not Black. And so where I am wearing this shirt to identify with the community, I'm also saying I am separate from those who do not identify with this community. And does that make somebody more hesitant about what they want to say to me? Or how they want to interact with Do they now feel that whereas before they might just want to be like, oh, hey, how's it going? Maybe they're nervous to talk to me because they might think that I might speak to them and not want to speak to them to be actually right. Oh, maybe she doesn't want to talk to me because I don't identify as part of that community. So whereas one hand this shirt says, hey, if you're part of community, come talk to me. On the other hand, it says, if you're not a part of this community, do I want to talk to you? Because we might not believe the same things as opposed to unapologetically human. I'll talk to humans, robots. Oh, I got time for you. And it's not just the MAGA. It's not just the the Black Power shirts, right? Look at the shirt. Look at the Irish kiss me. I'm Irish, right? There are some super cliches there like, oh, you're Irish. Hey, even if you don't have red hair, and you're not Irish, or you're like, point 0003% Irish, people still buy these shirts that say kiss me, I'm Irish. Hey, any people will do anything for a little smooch on the old St. Patrick's Day, let's be honest. That shirt could be triggering for somebody. There could be someone going, oh, you know, this person is wearing this shirt that says kiss me, they're Irish. And when I looked at them, they just seem like a human. But now I see them as a human who identifies as Irish. And I had a negative experience with the IRA, I think, um, being violent towards people in my country, right? The whole Irish English conflict. Or I had a negative experience where someone who is wearing a shirt, oh, goodness gracious. So maybe someone's wearing a shirt that says, so gay, let's slay or something, I don't know, right? And now you're not sure how to interact with them, because you had a negative experience where someone who identifies as gay, right, not was, someone who is gay, um, became aggressive towards you, maybe they were into you, and then you're like, we're not really into you. And then they stalked you or something. And no, I'm not saying gay people stalk people, nothing like that. I'm just saying there's a lot of different ways that people could have negative experiences, right? And so maybe you had a negative experience with someone. And then you're like, oh, my goodness, I see this shirt, and I am triggered. Yeah. And this brings up another thing is, why is everybody triggered over everything? What's up with that? Oh, I just don't understand. So yes, social media puts a lot more things in front of us that, golly gosh, we would not have so much exposure to pre social media. Hear me out. I was at a show that I was performing in, we're backstage, we're talking, I feel sorry for the cast members that got stuck with me, because I was not the person like, oh, let's talk about what I got at Target the other day. And there was a cast member like that in a separate show. And I, I just kept being like, to myself, she goes to Target a lot. That's, that's interesting. But, um, and you know, good for her. She knew how she wanted to spin her check, or maybe she just needed a lot of stuff. I have no idea. However, we were talking, I mean, my group, we were talking about what was going on with Andrew Cuomo. And before the evidence came out that he was a total creeper, or is a total creeper. I made a comment based on what we knew at that point, which is so far, the things that are being said about this guy just sound like the things that used to be totally fine 15 years ago. And one of my cast mates said, I hear that, but it's a little, I have had a family member be a little too hands on and close. I've had family members like that. And so it's a little hard to hear this. And I immediately went, oh my goodness, I did not mean to imply that I was not sympathetic to someone's experiences. And I felt really bad. I felt really ignorant. And just reflecting on this right now, I'm saying to myself, well, was I ignorant? Because I was commenting on the evidence that I knew at that point. And I did state that. However, was it insensitive of me to try to have this conversation, not asking myself, well, is there anything that I could say that might be misconstrued by anyone else? And to me, I'm just going to actually say that I don't think it was ignorant to have the conversation. I think that it's important to have those kinds of conversations. And I love that this talented artist was able to say, hey, this is what my viewpoint is. And I was like, cool. All right. And I did say to her, I hope I didn't offend you or anything like that. I'm just commenting on what I understand to be at this time. And I thank you for sharing your experience. And she's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, it's fine. But with that being said, that situation worked really well. I've seen so many things online where people are like, please don't talk about DV or SA because it triggers me. I'm a victim of blah, blah, blah. And my issue with that is that someone's experienced something negative. We all have trauma, apparently, according to all this teacher training I've had. Everyone has trauma. And we all walk on eggshells. So if we all have trauma, if we're all suffering from something, then we can't talk about anything. And if we can't talk about anything, which is something a lot of people would prefer, don't talk about it. And then as long as no one's talking about it, others can do what they wish. If you think about some of the issues with World War II, we don't talk about the fact that we're doing a lot of messed up things. If you think about a lot of the big businesses that have embezzled tons of money or big financial crashes where people aren't talking about the fact that, why is Wamuu giving these loans to people who don't have the money to pay it back? Is this okay? Oh, my boss just says, go ahead and keep giving out the loans. Okay. Just got to keep giving out the loans. You're approved. You have no job. You're approved. You have no home. You're approved. You have no money. What? You have 10 houses and no collateral? Sure. Let's give you another loan for another house. Ding. Amazing. And so it comes to this point where it's just kind of like, we can't talk about anything. And that's a problem because if we can't talk about anything, then how can we find solutions towards what's going on? How can we call out, oh, that looks like a problem. And we should use our collective knowledge to keep this from becoming a bigger problem and to find a solution. And so is it wrong to wear the hat, the shirt? Is it? Are those things able to open up conversations or does it just simply separate us and make us all only approachable, acceptable to a certain group? Is being triggered a bad thing? I mean, should we just learn to deal with stuff in a different way as opposed to saying, hey, let's avoid being triggered. Well, no. Lots to think about. And yeah, I'm still thinking about this shirt. Do I want to wear it around on a non-Juneteenth day? On Juneteenth, it sends the message that I want. It's a day of celebration, just like the St. Patty's Day shirt. It sends the message that you want on that day of celebration. But outside the day of celebration, is it necessary for me to wear a shirt? Am I inviting others to approach me and engage in a conversation about what it means to be unapologetically Black? Are I asking people to only see me as Black as opposed to see me also as an awesome human and not a robot? So many thoughts and so many places to go. Should our clothes that help us identify with a certain group, should that be seen for those special occasions when we want to announce being a part of that group? I mean, if I saw somebody walk around in a white bathrobe, I wouldn't suddenly be like, you are wearing a white robe. You are a racist. Or maybe you're wearing a white robe. You just spent a lot of time in a hotel on vacation. Why is it that I'm assigning so much meaning to clothes or not even just what clothes say, but also just should we save those clothing items that help us identify with being a part of a group for a special occasion like Juneteenth or St. Patrick's Day? I mean, just because it's a red hat doesn't necessarily mean that that person identifies with a certain political belief or political group. I mean, after all, if I saw somebody walking around with a white robe on, I wouldn't be like, you, you are a racist because clearly you identify with a group of people who like to burn crosses. I might say, ah, have you just recently come out of the hospital because it is quite random that you seem to be wandering around the streets wearing a white robe. Or I might say, hey, that person must have had an awesome spa day. Or maybe that person's just really stylish. I don't know. Should we even be triggered by what someone is wearing, what their clothes may or may not say? I mean, after all, seeing a t-shirt of some model grabbing her boobs or looking really sexy and alluring doesn't make me go, you, you must be into porn or you must be someone who is completely opposed to viewing women as human beings with brains and not just physical entities for your amusement and sexual pleasure. Maybe, maybe I should just accept clothes as clothes and not worry so much about triggers. And you know, that brings the other question, should we even be concerned or so concerned about people's triggers? Trigger warning. Just before you watch this video, know there is violence. I'm watching the news. You just started reporting on a story in which someone was brutally attacked. Should I assume there won't be violence in there? Why do you have to give me a trigger warning so that I know, okay, I might need to really think about whether or not I want to keep watching the news. What point do we draw the line? Should we draw the line? When I was in family therapy, one of the things I, and which never got an answer, by the way, is at what point do we stop sugarcoating everything and presenting it as, oh, well, if that doesn't make you comfortable, then we're going to make some changes. If the possibility of my getting upset by something you have done or have not done make you anxious and not want to talk to me, at what point do we stop expecting me to change my behavior and for you to look at your reaction? So at what point do we stop expecting others to not wear certain clothes, to not do certain things and really think about how we react to those clothes or what that person is doing? So maybe, maybe my shirt ain't a problem. Maybe my shirt is just fine. Maybe that red baseball cap, maybe it's totally fine. And maybe the problem is