How to Deal with Your Problem, Even If You Didn't Know You Had a Problem

You've got problems, well, don't we all. Okay, maybe you don't have any problems, and you feel your life is totally problem free. That in and of itself is a problem, you just didn't know it. 

In this episode I share some of my problems and how I'm fixing them, so that you can identify your problems and then fix them. So then we can both be problem free, but really we'll both just  saddled with the new problem of knowing what our problems were and of then of course we can she wallow in guilt knowing that everyone else is messed up.

Heads Up! This episode was originally released on YouTube August 25th, 2023

To watch the video visit Get Real Rae

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Music: One Fine Day by Keep Calm Podcast

Transcript

Speaker: 0:00

Okay, I'm gonna keep it real with you. You have a problem. And well, actually, so do I. Drugs, drugs, alcohol, cigarettes. Gotta have my nicotine. What is up, my friends? My name is Rae and welcome to Get Real Rae, a place for life and business tips from this creative soul to hopefully help give you a little guidance or at the very least provide you with some laughs. And so let's get real. Craving real advice? Tired of feeling like every other small business owner or solopreneur is raking in the dough while you just seem to be raking? Secretly looking for a reminder that starting your own business is not as glamorous as others make it look? Whether you're looking to change the game in your relationships at home or at the workplace, you've come to the right place. My name is Rae. I went from corporate America to running my own small business to becoming a solopreneur. I'm a professional actor and dare we say a professional busybody because this body is about to be busy all up in your bins. So let's get real. You know, I was thinking the other day, I was so proud of myself because I had taken some kind of trending advice and I got it from YouTube. Think about that, right? Advice you get from YouTube. Do you know your source, right? Okay, actually I love going through YouTube videos and finding answers to questions that I might have. And so I'm on YouTube, I come across this doctor who's giving this advice about 36 hour fast and she's got her own channel. And then after a while, I started seeing her on a lot of other channels giving the same spiel. 36 hour fast, gotta do 36 hour fast. If you're a woman, oh, the woman hormone, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I said to myself, I did this 36 hour fast, but is it sustainable? I was initially like, yay, look here, I lost some weight, woohoo. Is it sustainable? Am I seeing myself doing this for the rest of my life? And the reason why I took pause, friends, is because I was having a conversation with my mom and she was talking about her weight and I said, hey, I'm trying this thing, it's working for me. And I started to try to explain it to her. And as I started to explain it, I thought, who am I to be giving this advice about a 36 hour fast, like not eating for 36 hours based on a YouTube video that I saw from some lady claiming to be a doctor. Let's do some research. And lo and behold, I did my research and this doctor is a doctor, but she's a chiropractor. She does not specialize in nutrition. She does not have a license in nutrition or hormones, hormonal studies, anything related to the way the body functions in that aspect. So all we can really say is that this is a woman who is older and has gone through hormonal changes and she has tried this and it's worked for her, right? And so I instantly lost respect for this individual. I also lost respect for the podcasters, the YouTubers who were interviewing her because as you watch the interviews, you kind of hear things where you're like, wait a minute, but where's the scientific research? Where's the evidence that supports what you're saying? And then I started questioning some of the other YouTube doctors that I've listened to in terms of, okay, so what's up with the chiropractors? Like to be honest, what's up with the chiropractors on YouTube trying to put themselves out there as nutrition experts? I have no clue why it is. And to be honest, like I went to a chiropractor once and you know you've heard the stories about chiropractors. I went to a chiropractor once and the session was great up until he offered to crack my back towards the end of the session. And I was like, yay, mobility, yay. And then he tried to crack my back and I was in more pain. Oh my goodness, you've heard stories and don't let a chiropractor crack your back. Like, I don't know. And there's a YouTube video channel where this chiropractor is like constantly cracking backs and I just feel scared that someone's not gonna go through that okay and there's gonna be a lawsuit. But that's a whole other story. Okay, so what's your problem? Like how does my trying to lose a little weight have to do anything, anything at all with you and your issues? Well, I just want you to know I got issues too. We both got issues. We both got issues. And the problem is we're addicts, plain and simple. You are addicted to something, as am I. Now, when we think of addiction, we often think of, or at least I often think of drugs. Drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, gotta have my nicotine. But there's a lot of different types of addiction. Porn, lots of people are addicted to porn. It's not good. And so when you think what is an addiction, it is, uh-huh, dun-dun-dun -dun-dun, the fact or condition of being addicted to a particular sub-six thing or activity. That's the official dictionary, Oxford definition. Okay, so think of it this way. It is an addiction if it is something that is keeping you from doing what you want to do. When you feel like you have no control or less control than what is ideal, it is moving into that area of addiction. Now, you might be saying to yourself, Renee, you're not a doctor. No, I'm not. And I am not trying to put myself out there as a doctor. I am just another older woman who's, okay, I don't know about these hormonal changes, but I am just another human who has had life experiences. And I am not trying to say my experiences will equate to your experiences. I'm simply out here saying, hey, I noticed something. Anybody else notice this is pretty crazy? So what I have noticed that it's pretty crazy is a lot of the problems that I have in life, you know, you got problems too, boo-boo, you know you do. A lot of those problems probably circle around an addiction. Hear me out. So I have been feeling not loving my physical state for gosh, for a couple of years now, since 2021. So earlier in the pandemic or earlier in Pandy, I did not have any complaints about my physical health. I was feeling good, I was feeling strong. Even though I wasn't training four hours a day, five days a week, like I was prior to Pandy, I was still moving and I was outside jogging and all the things. I loved it. I was fine. I recognized my body and we were happy campers. I was like, hey, is that what I look like? My body's like, yes, you look like this. I was like, high five it, boom. Have you ever tried to high five yourself? It's pretty fun. And then, you know, a period of extreme stress and things fell apart really fast. Like the wheels came off the bus and it was just all downhill, train wreck, all kinds of things. And then I thought, okay, you know, get out of this stressful situation, get back on track. And I thought I was back on track. And I think what it was, was that maybe I was just riding around on that spare tire you keep in the trunk, just in case you get a flat tire, only I had like all spares or something. And so it only kept me afloat for so long. And then I was like, wait a minute. I don't really know what's happening. Why am I suddenly stuffing cookies in my mouth? Like a lot of cookies. Like I just baked the cookies two hours ago. It was a dozen. And now there are only two left. Why am I scarfing down boxes of crackers in my room late at night? Just bad news bears. And so I've gone through these periods of problem solved, problem returned, problem solved, problem returned. Now I did have to look at stress and sleep and nutrition and all these things. And hence, this is why I found myself on YouTube looking for answers. Because when you have limited financial resources, the first thing you're gonna do is look for what are the free solutions I can find, right? I mean, if I was just like, woo, I got all this extra cash to toss around. I'd be like, let me go see a nutrition specialist and let me go to the spa. Let me go to the doctor and have them run all kinds of tests but that is just not my life, right? So doctor YouTube, hello. But I don't want to just sound like doctor on YouTube who don't know what you're talking about. Is doctor YouTube? And then there's doctors on YouTube. There's a difference. Anyway, so when I really broke it down, my unhappiness with my physical state, my unhappiness or distress over my health, money, right? Like, oh, do I, you know, every year I know what my sales cycle is. So I have some idea. I know that sales are gonna be slower towards the end of August. So it makes no sense that every year, August I'm going, ooh, we gonna make it to September? Now, to be fair, I do do a lot of planning and I do wanna just say that I don't sit around making the same mistakes every year. I always try to figure out, well, how can I avoid having that issue next year? What else can I do? But despite all of this planning, that doesn't mean I don't find myself taking action in ways that don't benefit my ultimate goal. And so this is where we get to what I say, addiction problem, right? So look at your own problems. The things you're not loving in your life. Do you feel that you should be spending more time with family and friends? Do you feel like you should be spending more time learning a new language or more time, look at me, more time, that you should be making more money? Are you not happy with the way you're eating or do you not have the body that you want? When you look at your social media feed, do you see yourself as a role model? Or when you think back on the things that you've done in life, do you see yourself as a role model? Do you feel like, yeah, I'm a winner. And you're like, ooh, what have I done for me lately? And so whatever your problem is, whatever you're like, oh, what's going on there? Can you identify what are some things that have kept you from getting whatever it is you wanted? What are some things that have kept you in this place of not being happy? Hear me out, okay. So I only keep healthy food in my house and I know that if I had a bag of chips in the house, I will inhale said bag of chips within an hour. I can certainly put chips in a emergency cabinet so that if there's no other food in the house, I would have to eat those chips. And I can forget about those chips for a week, two months. But once I find those chips, oh, they're gone. It's on my Donkey Kong. It is all up in my tummy. And so I could say, oh my goodness, my problem is I'm addicted to chips. Maybe my problem is I'm addicted to behaviors that do not allow me to succeed. So sure, not keeping chips in the house is a great start, but what else is leading to that negative behavior? Maybe what I'm really attached to is the idea that at a certain time of day, I need to go find something to munch on. Or maybe what I'm really addicted to is having a super healthy breakfast, but the super healthy breakfast is missing something to the point when later on in the day, I feel like I have to find something to eat. It is uncontrollable and I must give in. Now, it just so happens that because there's no chips in the house, that uncontrollable I must eat something is me munching on some cabbage with a little bit of salt. Okay, so I've got my salt fix, which is related to chips. But the point is, the problem isn't the chips. The problem is me. There is something that I'm doing that is setting me up for failure, no matter what. If I can't keep chips in my house and be like, no, I'm not gonna eat those, then I'm being controlled by that behavior. I'm an addict, you're an addict. If you don't have the money that you want every month, you're like, man, this is ridiculous. I don't have this money, what is going on? Is the problem that you don't make enough money, because I hear you on that problem, could the problem also be viewed as you're addicted to behaviors that do not support the amount of money you currently have? Okay, now, if you're like, look, Ray, I know that my bills, I have to pay this amount a month and bills and I don't make that much money. So it's not my problem, I need a raise. Okay, get a raise. Did you ask for a raise? Do you deserve a raise? If you don't feel like you deserve a raise, now, if you go to work in there for two months, then it's gonna be hard to convince somebody to give you a raise unless you've just really done such a stellar job that it should be undeniable to not want to give you a raise. With that being said, if you've been working at the same job for two years, three years, five years, whatever, and you feel like, oh, I need a raise, this is what is going to make me be able to get what I need financially done, did you ask for a raise? If you don't feel you can ask for a raise, why is that? Is it that you're addicted to being able to say, I don't have enough money? Is it you're addicted to your fear of asking others for something? Cause that's a thing, right? Is being afraid to ask, oh, I don't wanna ask, I don't wanna ask. Even if your boss is like the friendliest person in the world like, if you need anything, just ask. I don't wanna ask, I don't wanna ask. Okay, so maybe you're addicted to your fear of asking. Maybe you're really addicted to the fact that you don't wanna work that hard. And so you just want for your boss to say, you deserve a raise as opposed to you putting in the work to show you deserve a raise. A lot of times for those of us who work in jobs that are W-2 and for big corporations, a lot of times we are in a cycle where we expect to receive a raise and an evaluation every single year or every two years. It's just kind of a given norm. And so if you're just sitting there going, oh, I need my raise, where's my raise? Well, do you deserve the raise? Has there been any change in your performance? Or are you just gonna say, it's inflation. We gotta keep up with the times. Inflation is the reason why I deserve a raise is because I must be able to spend more time surfing the internet when I'm supposed to be processing claims. Okay, look. It's kind of funny during Pandy, a lot of people were like, oh my goodness, working from home is so fun cause I can work two jobs. Working from home is so crazy cause now my boss wants to monitor my computer. Why do I need to know where I at? What am I doing? Oh, it's because maybe they realize that I've been actually working two full-time jobs and trying to take two full-time paychecks and I'm actually not really doing much work for them. And so the company said, you have to come back into the office. And people said, yay, we miss hanging out with our friends at the office. Only part of the problem is that you're now hanging out with your friends at the office. And so just like before Pandy, what are you doing at the office? Well, you know, gotta go say hi to so-and-so. Then I gotta go check some email and file some reports. And then maybe there's some meetings and then I have to have my personal time of break time. And then, oh, my kids sent me something, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And when you look at the day, how much do you actually get done in terms of your job responsibilities? I used to work in an office and I'm just gonna tell you that when I started, I got a lot done. But towards the end, before I chose to leave, I was getting a lot less done. And partly it was just dissatisfaction, dissatisfaction and I needed a vacation. But that was my problem, right? So I had a problem. I was addicted to working hard and then I was addicted to not taking a break when I needed to, right? So if your problem ain't money, if your problem is no good men out there, or, you know, I need me a nice lady or I just need me something. What are you doing to get what you want? Are you addicted to not going out to meet people or trying to meet people? Are you addicted to your phone? Okay, so I was talking to my friend in South Korea and we were talking about cell phones. And it wasn't until we were both talking about like how we're on our phones all the time that I realized we have problems. Now there's tons of stories and studies about phones being addictive and all these apps being addictive, but it's not even the apps. You guys, if you are walking around with your phone all the time, I walk around my house with my phone and I ain't calling anybody the whole time. I'm not expecting a call. I have, you know, an old Apple watch that was given to me so that can count my steps. I don't need to walk around the phone. And so recently I had to tell myself no phone in the bathroom. You guys, I don't even look at the phone when I'm in the bathroom. I would just take it into the bathroom. Now I force myself to put the phone in the office outside of the bathroom. The world is not gonna end in the few minutes that I am in the room. So find out what your problem is and then look at the behaviors surrounding that problem, the things that are keeping you from breaking free of having that problem. And then ask yourself, what are you doing to solve that problem? What are you doing to eliminate those behaviors, reduce those behaviors? What have you tried? What else can you try, right? Not having the chips in the house works really well, but it is not 100% foolproof because once the chips are in the house, the problem still exists, right? So not bringing the phone into the bathroom is very helpful, but it's not 100% foolproof because at any moment I could slip up and that phone could be in the bathroom with me. And so what am I doing to make sure that I don't go down that slippery slope again, which is one, to remind myself and say to myself, hey, no phone in the bathroom. And also to acknowledge that it is a personal choice and to remind myself why I'm making this personal choice. I do not want the phone in the bathroom because it is an unnecessary action and it gives my phone too much control over me. If it is an uncontrolled behavior, it is addiction and I do not want to be someone who defines herself as being addicted to her phone. So how do you define yourself? Do you define yourself as someone who's always got problems? Do you define yourself as someone who goes for what they want? Are you a successful go-getter, are you an achiever? Do you define yourself as someone that others should aspire to be like or look up to? Do you just define yourself as a good person? Those are all great things. If you define yourself as a good person and yet you feel like, oh, horrible things always happen to me, I'm such a good person. Well, what is it that's happening to you? Like, what are the problems and is there any way that you might be engaging in actions that contribute to those problems, right? Like, oh my gosh, I'm such a good person, why are people always taking money from me? Why are my family members always asking me for money? Why are my friends always asking me for money? Why do I always get stuck buying drinks when we all go out for drinks? Well, look at your friend circle. Or maybe don't answer the phone when that relative calls. If they only call you when they want money, then you don't answer the phone and you call them back after a day or two, see how they're doing. Maybe that need for money will disappear if you're not responding right away. If you find that people don't respect your boundaries, right? Well, have you made it clear what your boundaries are? I'm so like over the term boundaries, but seriously, if you feel like, oh, you know what? This person never bothers to ask, how am I doing? You know, we've been dating for so long and he never asked me about how my day is going. Well, if you're asking him, but he never asked you, have you made it clear to him that that is something that you wanna talk about? That is something that you value? Cause maybe he grew up in a household where they don't talk about that. And he's only responding to you because you asked, but he actually will be totally fine not talking about his day. Like he doesn't really care, right? So you got a problem and you need to fix your problem. And your problem is probably related to an addiction you have. And you gotta figure out what is it you're addicted to and how can you re -approach that addiction? I'm pretty sure that you are going to be able to come up with some really amazing solutions. And if you feel like, no, no, I don't know how to solve this problem, put a message in the chat. I will help you with this problem. I would be more than happy to, because golly gosh, I want more friends. And I think we make really good friends. Why? Because we both are addicted to YouTube. We definitely have something in common. So yes, put a message in the chat. If you have realized you got a problem, tell me what your problem is. And if you know what the addiction is, if you don't know what the addiction is, I will totally help you find that out, figure it out. It's totally fine. We can play with that all day. But I wanna know what your problem is because I got a lot of problems and something tells me you got a lot of problems too. We're like twins. Are we twins? Can we be twins? I think that might be fun. I've never had a twin. That, I don't know. That might be weird if I said I had a twin and then I don't anymore, but then that can mean a whole bunch of different things. So let's not go there. Instead, let's just say the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem, admitting you're an addict, and then taking steps to solve that problem and to find a solution. And so I can't wait to see how your life changes once you start implementing solutions. And hear me out. It does not need to be a one size fits all solution. Absolutely not. There are so many options out there. I am super excited for you. The same way just not having the chips in the house is not going to completely solve my problem. It only helps identifying myself as someone who enjoys eating healthy and is not, not a slave to potato chips. It's really important to me. And so I have to remind myself, I am not a slave to potato chips. I am not. I am going to accept that I'm gonna eat this extra cabbage right now. And then maybe tomorrow, I'm going to acknowledge that going to the kitchen every two hours or going to the kitchen after I finish a class is a habit and pattern that I have become accustomed to and possibly addicted to. And so now I can look at how to change that pattern. Maybe instead of going to the kitchen and looking for a snack, maybe I go to the kitchen and grab a glass of water, or maybe I don't go to the kitchen and I set a timer for 20 minutes and I have to wait 20 minutes or 10 minutes or two minutes before I can leave my chair instead of just instantly jumping up after the class is done just to get away from my computer so that I don't feel like working. So yeah, in order to avoid one problem, I created some other problems for myself. And chances are you have too cause you know what, we're twins.