Why embracing traditions and revisiting childhood games could boost your back up plan

Visiting family every weekend, vacationing at the same place every summer, even Taco Tuesday can feel like a burden as we get older. What was once exciting, somewhere along the way, became a duty... a burden that just feels dull. Traditions don't have to be boring or bothersome. In fact, embracing repetition can do wonders for your back up plan? So, let's talk about it.

Heads Up! This episode was originally released on YouTube March 6th, 2024

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Music: One Fine Day by Keep Calm Podcast

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Honestly, I hate it. I think it's disgusting. I mean, I can remember the lyrics to a song that I used to listen to all the time back in high school, so it has been quite some years since I've heard that song. I know all the lyrics. But ask me something like, oh yeah, what's your niece's birthday or your nephew's birthday? I think it's in the month of... it's not just birthdays. To be fair, I don't remember phone numbers. I have trouble remembering my phone number. Now, I have more than one phone number because I have more than one business. But if you ask me, if I was stranded on the side of the road and my phone was dead and someone kindly stopped and said, hey, you can use my phone to call someone for help, I would not know the phone number of a family member to call because just haven't bothered to memorize phone numbers anymore. And wasn't that something we learned as a kid? Like when I was a kid, it was okay. Now, what's your phone number? What's your address? If you're lost, what do you say? And now I'm like, stranded and I don't know the phone number. I don't know the phone number. I have had friends where I'm like, ooh, what's that person's last name again? Hmm. Is that horrible? Is it old age? Is it technology to blame? I don't know what it is, but we about to talk about it. What's up everybody? This is Rae from Get Real Rae, a space and place for life and business tip to hopefully inspire you on your journey or at the very least provide you with some laughs. And now let's get real. Craving real advice. Tired of feeling like every other small business owner or solopreneur is raking in the dough while you just seem to be raking. Secretly looking for a reminder that starting your own business is not as glamorous as others make it look. Whether you're looking to change the game in your relationships at home or at the workplace, you've come to the right place. My name is Rae. I went from corporate America to running my own small business to becoming a solopreneur. I'm a professional actor and dare we say a professional busybody because this body is about to be busy all up in your biz. So let's get real. Okay. So I cannot be the only one who does not know their phone number or the phone number of a close friend. Um, at one point I tried memorizing one of my credit card numbers, but then the credit card number changed. And so that was, that kind of went out the window. I don't think this is good. I don't think this is healthy. I remember talking to someone on Cambly and we were talking about this idea of what if we all lost power? Well, the internet was going to like go away. It's just like, what are we going to do? We don't have internet. And so now Cambly, I'm supposed to be focusing on English conversation and just building English language skills. And she wanted to talk about, you know, what if we lost the internet? And then it became, well, what if we all lost electricity and how are we going to survive? And her, and her world, she's like, we're not lasting more than like a couple of days. And then my world, I was like, no, we'll be fine. You know, always have a backup plan. And then after that conversation, I went onto Amazon and I Googled solar power generator. Backup plan. Okay. So to be fair, power outages happened. When I last had a power outage, I drove to the nearest town with a little wifi hotspot and I was able to get online that way and continue to work. Being that I do work remotely, it was really important that I was able to still get to work because my business is my income. And if I'm not working, I'm not getting paid. Now I do have a backup plan for that, but it takes some time for these backup plans to kick into effect. Right? So, and emergencies don't always wait for our backup plans to be fully ready. Life, it happens like that. Now, when it comes to not having any power around for miles, well, I remember there was this big blackout in New York city and, uh, the first night restaurants had candles on the table and people were dining and it was, it was summertime. So people were fine sitting outdoors and eating by candlelight. It was all very cool and romantic. The next day, people were getting a little desperate. Um, the businesses that did great, the brick oven pizza parlors, because they could open during the daytime, they had cheese already in the fridge. So as long as you didn't open the fridge too many times, the cheese is not going to spoil. They had to use up all that cheese as fast as possible. Anyway, I do wonder like how much of that cheese really did need to be refrigerated. Hmm. Uh, dough is flour water, pretty much salt in there and they didn't need electricity to run the ovens. So yeah, those pizza parlors, they were good to go and they made bank. Uh, lots of families were walking out with tons of pizza pies. Now in the United States, there has been this great push towards using, um, cashless payments. So, uh, swipe your card or tap the app and all the things, right? Um, wave your wrist or watch or eyeball. I don't even know anymore. There's so many different ways you can pay now. It's getting a little crazy, a little creepy, but with that being said, without electricity, well, how would these businesses nowadays be able to still generate income? Cause if you are completely cashless business and maybe you've got those pizzas ready to go, you've got food to sell, but you can't take payment. What are you going to do? Do you just close up shop? Now I am someone who does like to keep just a very small account of cash just in case of those emergencies when everything goes out and I can't swipe and all that stuff. What am I going to do? If I have no food and the part of the backup plan is to have food. But anyway, the point is the backup plan and not being able to remember things. So memorizing just a little bit of key, crucial information is part of a really good backup plan and apparently a suck at it. I really need to prioritize this. Are you prioritizing memorizing just a few bits of key, crucial information so that in the event of an emergency, your backup plan can kick into effect? Do you know the phone number of at least one family member? How about two? I used to know the phone number of at least two or three people just memorize, but that was also the process when you actually had to push the buttons and dial the phone number. That was a thing. Now I could push one button that says mom, cat, granny G, right? You push the button, the call is made for you. So that's definitely an area where I feel I need to take action and improve things. In 2024, I need to memorize at least two phone numbers. That just has to happen. Now, whether or not I need to memorize a credit card is another story, but maybe that's important too. Memorizing phone numbers, memorizing credit cards. And when I also think of memory and the fact that I can remember some songs that I haven't listened to in years and years and years, like the lyrics and saying them, the way the melody works, just all these beautiful elements of these intricate bits of art. I also find myself taking a moment to think about in general, what are some things that I used to practice? I loved practicing and I no longer practice. And why is it that I no longer practice these things? So I don't know about you, but in my family, we used to have Sunday dinner where other family members would come over. We would all sit at a big table and we would eat together. It was a really nice, warm feeling. Now, we didn't like everybody who came to Sunday dinner. I'm not going to lie about that. And that's probably part of the reason why Sunday dinner stopped because like that person, they trouble every time they come over to trouble. So when I reflect on, well, why did I stop? Why did we stop doing that? I know reasons why. Also partly moving and changes in relationships. Even the act of sitting down and eating together and talking while eating was something I truly cherished as a young person. When I was in my teenage years, I didn't quite get it. I was like, I'm totally fine eating in front of the TV, not talking to anybody or eating in my room, playing games. And my family didn't have a problem with that. But it wasn't until I found myself in a relationship and I found myself kind of not loving some parts of our communication. And one of the things I didn't love was this idea that we were going to sit down to eat and not talk. I thought, here we are. We're both busy people. We spend a lot of time away from each other doing lots of other things. And so isn't this a really good opportunity for us to be able to focus on each other and socialize? So there was this rule in our household where during dinner time, no cell phones. And I expressed to my partner, it was really important to me that we'd be able to have conversations. And at first, my partner was like, why? Like, why would I do that? I can talk to you anytime. I'm like, well, not really. When you think about the amount of time that we're busy doing other things, this is a dedicated time. And I would like to spend that dedicated time not worrying about my phone or poking at my phone or worrying what you're looking up on your phone. That was a thing. Because I can just go eat in my room. I cannot eat in your presence. We aren't here to honor each other with each other's presence. We're eating food. We're refueling. And this is an opportunity to refuel emotionally and socially. So that was a big deal for me. And you may not agree. You may be like, no, when me and my partner go out to eat at a restaurant, we're both on our phones. We're taking pictures of our food. We're putting that on social media. The more, the merrier, all the better. But I also want you to think about, if you're someone who doesn't have kids, think about the families that you see at restaurants where the parents are paying attention to the kids and where the parents are on a phone, right? Usually younger children, they require more attention. And so it's not uncommon to see parents focus on helping that child with whatever they need. Like, Timmy, don't do that. And oh gosh, you have food on your face. Like, kids need help, right? And so there is that requirement to be a little bit more focused on helping the other person. That's not a bad thing. Focus on helping others. Just saying, we all exist. We could spend a little bit more time focusing on helping one another. It's not a bad thing. And I remember how good it feels to have someone focus on me the first day, right? Okay, so you go on that first date and just this idea of, oh, this person actually cares about something I'm saying. This is super exciting for me. And let me really focus in on what they're saying. Let me see if I can, I do this. I want to see if I can really connect with something they're saying, use that to expand the conversation, use that to learn more about them. Because if I can't connect to anything you're saying now, what's it going to look like 10 years from now, 20 years from now? Like, just us honoring each other with our presence? I mean, if I'm only, you know, with you because you look good, what about in 10 years from now, 20 years from now, when you don't look the same? What about when I don't look the same? So for me, I do value having these social interactions where we can get to understand one another and respect one another. So when I look at behaviors that I really cherish, the idea of eating and not using a phone or a electronic device, I was a bit disappointed when a family member stayed with me. And initially, they were able to eat with me and not feel like they had to watch something. But after a couple, and we didn't eat together often, to be fair. They then went to wanting to eat in their room most of the time, because then they can be in front of their computer and watch shows while eating, and the food gets cold. And it's there for hours. And then after a while, when I was able to convince them, you know, hey, let's, would you like to eat together? Is that okay? Can we try eating together today? And they were kind of like, sure, yeah. But it would be, well, we have to watch something while we eat. And as much as I really appreciate spending time with that person, I'm the type of person when I watch something, I have to really get involved in it. I want to dedicate the time. You know, when you go to the movie theater, you don't like get up 10 times during the movie, that's, that's me when I'm at home watching something, I don't want to get up 10 times, whatever I need, I need to have it there. So I didn't like this idea of like getting up to go get extra servings of food or get more water or something while we're watching something. And I also, I appreciated seeing their reaction to the show. That was really nice for me. But I didn't appreciate the fact that I felt like I kind of had to watch something in order to be connected with this person. That wasn't fun for me. Again, maybe that's something fun for you. But for me, it just didn't work. And it was another reminder that I really value relationships where we don't have to have another device in order to prompt connection. And that got me thinking about holidays, and how around holidays, I really like decorating a tree. I'm not a religious person, but I really like decorating a tree. And I like the idea of baking tons of cookies. Now, yes, another holiday is going by when I did not bake a ton of cookies. And I'm very frustrated with myself for that partly was not really having the ingredients, because you know, the money had to go to pay for bills. But I really do like that tradition. And I remember when earlier in my life, I would bake cookies for co workers and say here, Happy Holidays. Well, when you work for yourself from home, you can't exactly bake cookies and like give them to who am I giving them to like no one in my house to give these cookies to. And to be fair, I don't want to bake a lot of cookies, because I'm also trying to be fix my eating habits and whatnot. And so I'm going to bake the cookies. And I will probably bake some cookies after this video. I've been talking about them so much. I got some really good healthy cookie recipes. Maybe I will share one in the comments on the YouTube. Who knows. But with that being said, when I was younger, I remember as a teenager, baking cookies for friends at school, because I didn't have money to give gifts to all my friends. But I was like, I want to give a gift to everybody. I'm gonna give you cookies. And my mom, I remember my mom baking cookies for people at for her friends. I don't remember if it was like people at her job. I remember she definitely baked cookies for friends, maybe for neighbors or something. My mom like anytime she brought in cookies or quiche muffins or whatever the holiday party, right? Oh, here's some cookies. Here's some quiche muffins. People were like, Oh, my mom was good at that. I'm just saying. And I have such fond memories of these things. And so as wonderful as it is to be able to click and order some cookies to come straight to you, or click in, order up a conversation online, there is something really beautiful for me about the emotions that develop around the simple acts of making cookies, spending time having a conversation, just these things that develop as traditions and rituals. Now, for some people, when we just left one New Year, now another New Year's coming up, the New Year's coming up. And I was talking to someone and one tradition for her family is her mom, her grandmother, and she they all go into the kitchen, they make dumplings. And then her brother and her father go and set off firecrackers. And one might look at that and say, well, that's very sexist. What on earth? We're in 2024. Why can't the girls go set off firecrackers? And for that family, I'm sure they're not thinking of it as well. The women have to do this. The men have to do that. No, just by tradition. One family member is good at making dumplings. They show another family member. They show another family member, you know, and it's a bonding activity. It has nothing to do with we're going to have to do that and have to do that has nothing to do with that. It's just, this is something that we enjoy doing. And the woman who was sharing this with me really enjoyed the experience of making dumplings with her family members. She didn't see it as something that was obligatory or pressure or anything like that. And when I think about the decorating the tree, the making the cookies, the dinner conversations without a device, these are all things that I define as tradition within my family, my home. Now, who am I sharing these traditions with? Well, I don't have a pet right now, so I'm not exactly sharing them with other people at this point in time, but that doesn't mean I have to let them go because they bring up really good memories for me. And I can still honor these traditions, just maybe in a slightly different way. One thing that I have been doing is trying to get myself to not watch anything while I'm eating. And that means no taking notes, no poking at my cell phone for a while. I was doing my language app while I was eating, but now not even doing that. Instead, taking the time to enjoy my meal. I've been doing this by practicing sitting in silence and really focusing on the meal, what they call mindfulness. That bite was so delicious. I like the texture, but I've also been re-experimenting with introducing, listening to music while I'm enjoying my meal. One thing that I really enjoyed when I was in a relationship was being able to listen to music while we were eating. So that was definitely a way for us to not feel awkward in these moments of silence and not feel pressured to always have to say something. And it also kind of reminded me of like being at a restaurant because at a restaurant, you're not supposed to have music playing. There were limitations regarding the kind of music. We had to have like this neutral zone, but it allowed me to take a decade, a part of my day to listen to a type of music that I love, but I wouldn't normally sit and just listen to. That was a way for me to incorporate something that I enjoyed. And maybe there's a way you can incorporate something that you enjoy that you wouldn't normally do, but you remember, I really enjoy that. I need to do that more. I need to find a way to incorporate that more into my world. The same way, maybe you used to enjoy knowing something by heart. I used to take pride in knowing like all 50 states, right? When you're a kid, you take pride in knowing all 50 states and capitals or when you're a little kid, knowing your phone number. So these things where we have these positive feelings or had positive feelings about that accomplishment, let's go back to making it a tradition, a habit, a ritual to honor those moments to keep them alive and don't just let them be distant in the past. Well, why does it really have to do with having a tradition just so you have a backup plan? Well, no, not at all. I mean, making dumplings with family members is a wonderful tradition, but it's not necessarily a backup plan for anything. Is it a backup plan in case like the fast food place can't deliver dumplings? No, not at all. But what I want to encourage you to think about is the emotional connection you had with these things, the emotional connection you had with whatever it is that you were proud of, whether or not it's related to that backup plan, whatever it is that made you feel happiness or brings up fond memories, regardless of whether or not it makes sense to implement it in the same form that you previously had. So it would not make sense for me to have Sunday dinners with family. I don't live anywhere near my family. And to be honest, I don't really socialize with a lot of family members. Just we have different ways of living and thriving and surviving. And we have different food that we like. So attempts at gathering together and enjoying a meal together just have not been successful. So we'll just be really awkward and weird and not conducive to who we are as individuals to proceed and try to make these special meals happen. Also, the distance of living here. I remember talking with my mom, and she was a little disappointed in the fact that she chosen to live somewhere to be close to family, and she feels that her family isn't necessarily making any efforts to be close to her. And I get it. I definitely get it. And I thought, oh, how frustrating to be in this situation where you do something for someone and yet you don't really get the response that you thought you would get. And that has been a huge thing throughout a lot of my relationships. I'm doing something for someone with this idea that I'm going to get something in return. It might not look like the way I want, but there'll be something. But then it just seems to be so disjointed in what I thought was happening and what is happening. And it brings back the reminder of when we never should go into any kind of relationship with the expectation of receiving something in return. And it also brings up this idea of, well, is it okay to expect something in return? If I am nice to someone, it's okay to expect for them to be nice to me on some level back. They don't have to show niceness in the same way, but on some level, is it okay for them to expect to them to be... But on some level, is it okay for me to expect... But on some level, is it okay for me to expect some degree of polite response from them? And I think that's okay. I think we should have expectations. If we go around simply giving and expecting the worst from everybody, then I think that could be very problematic. Or assuming that, oh, they may be nice, they may be not nice, who cares? I think that's very, very hard to do. And I'm not so sure if that's the best thing to do. I don't know. I would love to know what you think. Let me know in the comments below. Do you think it's more ideal for people to move towards a position of having zero investment in an outcome? They may be nice, they may not be nice. On one hand, I say, well, yeah, you shouldn't have any investment. They may do a good job, they might not do a good job, who cares? On the other hand, as someone who runs a business, I want my teammates, my contractors to do a good job. And I want them to enjoy working with me. Otherwise, I feel like it's not a healthy relationship for either party. And they're more likely to leave because they don't enjoy what they're doing, or they don't feel like they're getting enough of a reward. Or they're just like, well, okay, I found something that pays more money. So I'm going to go because I would much rather invest my time and energy helping someone succeed in delivering what our business needs and helping them make more money. As our business makes more money, we all grow together. I would much rather nurture that relationship than just invest my time in someone who's just like, yeah, don't really care. Just pay me. That doesn't work for my business model, to be fair. Maybe if I was a much bigger company, if I was like an Amazon, sure, that would probably work just fine. But it's a small business and that ain't happening for me. So I'm going to go with my initial statement, which is it's not a bad thing to have some kind of expectation. And when we are looking to reintroduce or maintain these rituals, traditions, um, moments of pride, I think it's okay to modify our expectations according to what we can give at that moment. So yeah, I can't have Sunday dinners with my family, but I can make my Sunday dinner special and meaningful. I can take an opportunity to maybe call a friend, um, before I have dinner, or I can even set up like a FaceTime Zoom tea time with a friend. I think that sounds fabulous. Oh my goodness. I could set up like some kind of little dedicated time where it's like, Hey, this is our time. We're going to, I have a friend who really likes chocolate and I really like chocolate. Um, and she and her husband have this tradition of having chocolate, like a special chocolate of their anniversary. I could totally set aside once a month where me and this friend have like 15, 20 minutes where we're going to chat. We can, um, see each other. I kind of don't want to just do phone because, um, if I'm eating, I don't like the idea of chewing in someone else's ear, but if we can see each other and we both know we're having chocolate and tea right now, or we're having cookies and tea, then that might be a nice way to have that kind of tradition of let's interact. Let's conversate. Let's enjoy a meal while we're eating and let's do each other a favor and remember each other's phone number so that if there is an apocalypse or you're stranded on this side of the highway and you need to call somebody, you can call that friend. I'm thinking, yes, this might work. This might work indeed.