Bonus Episode: A Real-Time Check-In

A real-time check in 🤍

No script. No polish. Just where I’m actually at right now with flipping my own scripts.

In this episode I talk about:
 – noticing and shifting my patterns in love (hello limerence)
 – a funny festival moment
 – what it feels like to hit what would have been my wedding anniversary
 – the season we're heading into — slowing down, shedding, recalibrating
 – and a new women’s circle idea that’s starting to take shape

This is one of those episodes where I’m not tying it up neatly… I’m just letting you in on the process.

New guest episode with Jessie from Manawa Ecstatic Dance dropping early next week 🤍

Intro & outro music: Flip the Script VIP by Ashez (used with permission, and gratitude)

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:15

Welcome back to Flippin the Script with Jem. Today I wanted to do another little life update before the next guest episode comes out. Uh kind of carrying on from the one that I did a couple of weeks ago. Just like what's going on, what I'm noticing. And the first thing that I wanted to talk about was I mentioned in the last episode that I had been seeing someone and I was going to a festival and they were gonna be there. And yeah, I just want to update you on that situation because I can see now something that I was re-entering back into my unhealthy patterns. I'm very aware of these patterns. That's something that I've been acknowledging and working on the last year or so. But yeah, I'd kind of unconsciously slipped back into it with this particular person. Before the festival, we had been spending quite a lot of time together, whether that's in a physical sense and then also, you know, via the phone, phone calls, text messages, things like that. And I guess I'd kind of justified it because we entered into the situation as friends, and then you know, something more progressed there, and also surrounding how we met, it was quite a stressful situation, and it was quite like a safe anchor, kindness, all that kind of stuff for me when that happened. So yeah, unconsciously, I'd kind of entered back into this emotional intensity, projecting fantasy, and um yeah, forming a version of someone in my head when I didn't really know them yet properly. So then when a few things started happening, and then I was like, hang on, reality isn't actually matching my expectation here. And once I got back from the festival, I had a chance to really look at the situation properly, and it also kind of happened because I was watching, I was fucking through Instagram as you do, and I came across this video, and basically it explained what limerence is, and that is you know, obsessive kind of thinking, attaching meaning to things or people in relationships quite quickly, creating emotional intensity quite early, and also projecting fantasy onto the situation or the person, and I feel like I'd been slapped in the face. I was like, holy shit, this is a lot of bit of me, and this is one of my patterns, and I'd never really quite had the wording around it before, but I kind of knew like I knew that I kind of did do all those things. So, yeah, limerence is basically like fast attachment, perceived closeness, intensity that feels like connection, like all or nothing energy, and feeling quite sad when it ends. It's kind of like in this particular situation, I did feel safe, but I wasn't being grounded about the situation. And it's really not about the other person, it's about my nervous system activation, a familiarity of intensity, because that is a pattern in my life, and a natural human want of being chosen and heard and seen, and all those things, and you know, I think I've realized that I've been mistaking intensity for connection uh a lot of the time, and how that plays out in real life is thinking about the person a lot, reading into small things, creating a future vibe in your head like way too early, and like feeling something strong without there being a real foundation there, and then feeling disappointed when reality doesn't match that basically. What I'm seeing now, and I'm so proud of myself for this, I caught that early, um, and so I didn't let myself continue in that way for a much longer time or enter into a relationship on that kind of premise. Um just really trying to not feed the loop, letting things be natural, kind of slowing down and staying in reality. I guess I'm learning to stay with myself instead of getting swept up in someone else. I know that this doesn't mean that something is wrong with me. Uh I'm a deep feeler, that's just how I am. Um, it makes sense with my childhood attachments and all those types of things. But I guess, yeah, awareness really is the shift here. If you felt this, you're definitely not alone. That's why I'm sharing this. I'm still in the process of understanding, and you know, it's an ever-going journey working on our patterns that don't necessarily serve us. But yeah, we don't have to keep repeating them. So awareness is definitely the first step. Something else I've been reflecting on in the last couple of days because yesterday was my would have been my wedding anniversary, and so you know, naturally that brought up a bit of sadness, even though I feel that I am a lot more moved on in the grief of that whole situation. But you know, grief is not or healing is not linear, where it's there definitely is still days where I feel it and moments where I feel it. But yeah, just reflecting back on our set separation, it was a lot of a roller coaster. We both did want to figure things out in the beginning, but I guess we realized, you know, a couple of months into that that we're not gonna be able to figure the things out. I must admit I'm at the place now where I mostly look back on my time with my ex-husband. And even I look at our relationship now and I feel so much love and so much gratefulness for the time that we shared together, and his presence in my life now, he's a really great dad. So yeah, I'm just grateful that I have that because I know a lot of people don't, and you know, for a separation we have had a relatively in itself, it has been relatively smooth. Um, definitely there's been times when it hasn't been so smooth, but you know, we're human and naturally the pain does come through at times. But yeah, it's a long journey, that's for sure. It's you know, I cried every day, most days for a good nine months, and then yeah. So wherever you're at, if you're going through that kind of journey, it everyone's on their own journey on their own timeline. So don't compare it to anybody else, basically. And we've still got a lot to work through, uh, so I'm sure other things will crop up as we go along. Just touching back to the festival, so I went to Resonance Festival a couple of weeks ago. That was my last festival for the season. I went into the intention of being in that festival a bit differently to how I had been the last couple that I'd been to this season. Um yeah, I really wanted it to be kind of nurturing and cozy and comfortable. And yeah, I had a great time. It was a great festival. The feeling about it, the vibe, the people, the music, the sound system was freaking epic. I met new people there. I saw people that I've been connecting with over the last couple of months in these spaces, which was really cool. Um, yeah, we had a great time. I funny story, but oh god, we ate some brownie on the one of the days the Saturday, and you know, I'm no stranger to marijuana, so I thought I'd be fine. But fuck me, this brownie really fucked me up. Like I only ate half, and then I was like, oh, it's not really doing anything, and then you know, the classic, oh just have another half, and then boom, like an hour later, I was like, holy shit, I shouldn't have eaten that other half. So that Sun uh Sunday, that Saturday afternoon, I just ended up lying down in the tent and just like chilling out for a couple of hours, which was lovely. Definitely not saying it was a bad experience. Um but yeah, just pretty funny. Not gonna be doing that again, I must admit. But yeah, lots of dancing at the festival and a lot of kind of I noticed I was really inward. I didn't really want to be too social. So now I'm landing back into a life after quite a busyish season of festivals. It has been a little bit consuming, I must admit. Taking up a bit of time because you've got the kind of getting ready, then you've got the festival time, and then you've kind of got the landing back into reality. Like it definitely takes me a good day or two to kind of come back to ground myself back in life, and so I'm looking forward to really focusing on my work now and connections and DJing and writing and the podcast. So yeah, lucky you guys. Speaking of work, I wanted to share with you that I have had an idea recently of creating a woman's circle, and what that is, is that it's not another course, it's where you actually do the things for the women who are done consuming and are ready to start applying and creating, whether that's in your life, your creativity, your business, it's about putting yourself out there in a new way, stepping into a new identity, backing yourself and leveling up in your own way. And what the space is is a small intimate group, I'm thinking max six people, so we actually get to know each other, and it's a safe space really just to share what's real for you as you move through change, growth, and visibility. Um, a bit of accountability, gentle and supportive, like no pressure, no performance, and a space for like-minded, open-minded women that are slightly spiritual, a little self-aware, and willing to be real, really, and authentic. Uh, the vibe. So this one will be held online fortnightly during the school term on a Thursday at 7:30 for about an hour, a max hour and a half. Uh, come as you are, so cozy, comfy, tea, wine, whatever you need, no judgment, no pretending as well. Um, I'm gonna start with a trial session, which is the end of April, and then fortnightly from there. So that just means that there's like no pressure to commit. Just come and experience it, just you know, see if the vibe is right for you and things like that. Uh low cost, so a hundred dollars for the term, and yeah, I mean, this is for you if you know you're meant you're meant for more, but you're done overthinking it. You want to be around women who are actually doing the work and not just talking about it, and you're ready to back yourself, really, and be supported and held and seen by like-minded women while you do it, who are also doing the thing too. So, yeah, it's about blooming in real time, messy, honest, brave, and together. So, if that sounds like a bit of you, uh please reach out to me on at with gem on Insta. And I'd love you to come along on this journey with me. I came up with this idea because it's a space that I really want too, so I thought, why not? Why not create it myself? Um, also, if there's any men interested in this kind of stuff or having their own kind of men's circle, let me know. I'm happy to think about holding space for you too. Or if there's a male on here that would like to lead it, I'm more than happy to support you and yeah, collaborate together for you to be able to do that. And we're now headed into autumn here in New Zealand, and you know that season really is about like shedding the old leaves and slowing down and kind of reviewing what was working, what's not working, in order to yeah, hunker down for the winter, I suppose. And early next week, I'm going to release the new episode, guest episode of flopping the script, and that is with a friend of mine, Jessie, and she is the founder of Manoa a Static Dance. And so, if you're looking for a safe space to be able to dance without substances, I highly recommend that you look into a static dance and also listen to the episode next week. Uh, Jeff Cheres her journey on how she came into a static dance and founding Manua. So I hope that you enjoy your long weekend, whatever you're doing. I hope you stay safe, I hope you get to relax, and yeah, all the best. Peace out.

SPEAKER_00 15:59

Yeah, yeah, bringing it up from the underground.