S2 EP2 - Doing Things Because You Want To

Another update/ check-in episode.

In this one I'm reflecting on the last wee period:

- Joy/ Aliveness Experiment

- Doing things because you want to vs. for external approval, and the uncomfortableness that can come with putting yourself out there, building and creating things

- Letting things fall away in this eclipse season

Transcript

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Hello and welcome to the Flippin' the Script podcast with Jem. I am Jem and I just wanted to talk about some stuff today. So here I am. It's been a wee while since my last update. Um I haven't recorded any episodes um because my focus has been elsewhere, really. But I am still, you know, open to the universe and speaking with guests. I've got a few kind of themes that I would like to explore with uh some people that I know, so I'm sure that'll be coming up in the near future. But in the meantime, firstly, just to check in on my joy and aliveness experiment that I started over a month ago now, and I was really diligent about you know making sure that I include as much things in my days that bring me joy basically. Um and I've noticed since my last chronic fatigue syndrome relapse or crash, whatever you want to call it, which started I started kind of noticing about May. Um yeah, I've noticed that in general I'm feeling a lot better than I was then. I still have CFS, so you know, it's I've still gotta manage my energy. Um you know, uh, I've still gotta manage it, basically. I don't think that's anything that's ever going to go away. Uh well, who knows? We'd I won't say things like that, but for now, this is where I'm at. And yeah, definitely more joy, more aliveness is where it's at. I mean, it seems pretty bloody obvious, like if you think about it, and probably the reason why we just struggle with so much mental health stuff is because we're doing all this fucking shit we actually deep down really don't want to do. So I'm working on clearing out some of those things. I get it, life is life, and there's things you don't want to do that you have to do, and you have responsibilities and things like that, but on a whole, if you look at your life and you're doing what 1% of shit that you want to do, and 99% shit that you really don't want to be doing, then of course you're gonna be fucking miserable, aren't you? So there you go, it's about m getting more for me anyway. Personally, I'm speaking about my own personal experiences, beliefs, thoughts here, and you know, I'm happy to chat this out with people and hear their side of things. Um I know not my ways the only way, um, but yeah, I just highly recommend getting more joy and aliveness in your life if you're feeling really heavy, and yeah, I I get it though, when you're in that space, it's hard to pull yourself out to do the things that you know will make you feel better, but you know, it's just sometimes just little micro things like I don't know once the kids have gone to bed lighting a candle and putting on some music and I don't know, whatever like makes you feel good within yourself, really, after a busy day, just things like that, micro stuff, versus you know, you know, I'd love to run off into the sunset, chase summer, and all that kind of stuff, but you know, realistically that's not gonna happen at the moment, so do the little things. Uh the other thing that I wanted to talk about that's coming through me quite a bit lately is I'm just feeling a lot of I guess the duality of like putting your self out there, you know, trying new things, creating things, and then also the you know, resistance that out of fear, I suppose, that comes with that. Uh and if you follow me on Instagram, then I did a post recently about how I think we should be doing things like social media I'm talking about here, but probably anything in general, because we want to, like when we create things, build things, put ourselves out there, stuff like that. Um, you know, really connecting into like I'm doing this because I want to do it versus I'm doing this for the likes and the attention and the you know, to be Instagram famous or anything like that. Um just because my algorithm uh uh my algorithm was showing me a lot of videos about like, you know, you it's not that hard to like your friend's post and share stuff and do all that and you know I get that, like totally support your friends' stuff in any way that you can. Um and no, it's not that hard to press the like button. And I do it, I I give away likes and love sometimes, you know, willingly. Um so I'm definitely not stalling on the likes or the support or the whatever, but um, if I'm not seeing my friend's stuff, then I'm not liking it and stuff. So yeah, I just think like I know for me, like that has been I guess a stage that I've come up against in my journey with like social media and putting myself out there and trying new things and blah blah blah, even like building my last business, you know. Um what am I gonna say about that? Yeah, so I have gone through that stage where like I relied a lot on external validation, like, oh my friends aren't liking my stuff or commenting on my stuff or coming to my events or whatever. And you know, it's like we need to, yeah. I personally think you need to do things because you want to, not because your friends are liking it and sharing it and coming to things and whatever, because you know, not everyone likes everything that you like. Like, for example, I have friends that don't like the music that I'm into, so I definitely wouldn't expect them to come and you know come to one of my events or whatever that I'm doing. Um, and same with like this podcast, like I don't want you to feel obligated to listen to me, so yeah, that's really coming through, but I guess in that whole piece is like I get it, it's fucking uncomfortable and hard to put yourself out there, and yes, your friends and family should support you, but that's not always the case, and I know it's definitely been in my case, like I've had you know um friends or whatever that have like kind of made fun of me, um that have like removed my professional account, like removed themselves, like I just happen to notice, like I don't I don't care because good on you, like you know, if it's not for you, then fair enough. But like, um I get it, it's fucking hard and it's lonely, and when you're doing things that like nobody else around you is doing, and you know, the general kind of consensus has been like that's cringe and that's they're too much, and blah blah blah, then yeah, like it's gonna be fucking ten times harder, to be honest. Um and that has been my journey to be honest. Like when I started my business in health and safety, no one else was I wasn't surrounded by people that were creating businesses. Um and now with my journey into a whole different kind of work, you know, there's no one around me, and only now that I'm meeting people, you know, different people that are probably a bit more aligned with where I'm at in this stage of life. Um I'm yeah, that no one else was putting themselves on social media in any kind of way, really. I mean, everyone that I kind of surrounded myself, I mean, yeah, they'll share like, you know, the general highlight reel of life kind of thing, but not real deep shit or yeah, just you know, stuff that makes you actually seen versus oh we went on a cool family holiday or something. Which I'm not bagging that out at all, because even that in itself is a lot for people. And um, I know when I started my journey with like social media, um I'll talk about that more so, is that I would fucking have anxiety for like a fucking 24 hours after I put anything on there, and I would like not go look at it, but I would like be thinking about it. And then yeah, it's just really a muscle, I've noticed. Like the more you do this shit, the more you just put yourself out there, um, the easier it gets. And unfortunately, you've gotta fucking do it, and to get better at it and to make it easier for you, like I don't think there's really any shortcut, unfortunately. And like if you have this calling within you to share anything with the world or create anything, just fucking do it. Like, honestly, just fucking do it because like I know for it myself, like it's been another part of the reason that I've like struggled or experienced mental health issues, is that deep down I'm not being myself, like I'm not expressing my truth, I'm not honouring who I really am, and you know, I'm filtering it, I'm holding parts of myself back, and all that kind of thing. And I mean I still do it, I'm not saying that I'm fucking I've mastered it now, but because I've s been vulnerable in little ways over time, um then now it's like alright, you know, some things that weren't so important, like were a big fucking deal to me in the time, say like three years ago, are not a real big deal to me now. I'm like leveling up in like my visibility exposure really and my villa visit visibility tolerance. So yeah, just it's all I can like here's the advice you never fucking asked for. Um just fucking do it. Uh and you know, I'm open for one-on-ones if anyone wants to be like chat it through or whatever. Um what else is coming through me at the moment? Just um in a real season of well, I think a lot of people probably are because of the big eclipses that eclipse season that just happened, but like still things falling away. Like yeah, things falling away and spaces being left that like I'm I knew it was time for them to fall away, or I like kind of knew it wasn't working or whatever, but yeah, that two-week period, like definitely those things fell away, and I was like, nah, like I'm gutted, you know, but I know that it's for a high reason and it's for my highest good, so yeah, that's really been a kind of thing for me the last couple of weeks, and just like trying not to control that is really difficult for me, you know. Like, usually I'd be the one to like reach out and fix and you know, chase and all that kind of stuff, but I'm just like no, like now I know like whatever's meant falls away is not meant to be, or even just not meant to be right now, you know, and that's okay, like and it's okay to feel sad about it too, or any type of which way about it, but you know, it's it's okay, and both can I've also a lot about duality, you know. Two truths can be can be true at the same time, right? You can be sad about something, but also know that it wasn't the right thing for you, so yeah, um that's kind of it. I think I'll leave it there for now. Um on that note, I'm about to go do this fucking dance experiment that I just, you know, popped through with my creative ideas in the last 10 days, and then last week was like, just fuck it, just go book a haul and see how it goes. I mean, this in itself is fucking prime example of me just doing the thing and I don't know what the fuck I'm doing, and I'm actually scared, like, and a big part of me wants to like cancel it and run away and not fucking do it, but I'm just like no Jimmy, fuck it. Like, you you need to do these hard things and uncomfortable things, like this is what you want to do, so just push through the gro the uncomfortableness and do the fucking thing, like you know, your life doesn't depend on it. You're human, you're learning, you're starting out, like it doesn't need to be some big amazing like DJ mix, but like if you don't do the thing and put it out there, then you're not gonna kind of get the feedback and yeah, to figure out what's next, or like yeah, what like what's the next like yeah, what's the learning, what's the kind of yeah, just just do the fucking thing. It's version one, just fucking do it, and then you'll figure out if you want to do it again or you want to do version two. Um so yeah, that's me tonight about to do it. So wish me luck and we'll see how it goes. But yeah, kakita. Hope you're all well.